i am a bright light

i am extremely powerful and extremely soft

[etrangere]

Hello please watch the 30-second campaign ad from the candidate I've been volunteering for thank you

[etrangere]

some type of silverdrops skipper butterfly (according to iNaturalist) enjoying my bee balm

[etrangere]

SLEEP WAS OKAY LAST NIGHT :)

Got to sport some swag for the Belchertown Nipmuc Farm Conservation Alliance trail tidy this afternoon

[etrangere]

starting to hallucinate in small ways lads. tiny ways. like in my peripheral vision the way light moves. nothing reality breaking

[etrangere]

I skipped caffeine this morning, because it's the main way I have to counteract the feedback loop of sleep deprivation increasing anxiety which worsens insomnia, and oh boy after lunch I am so eepy. I don't know if I can make it, I am so so so tired

[etrangere]

All right I had another bad night and had a lightbulb go off this morning: I’m front-loading the thing I don’t want to do, which is how I operate throughout life. I eat the frog first. I don’t want to do the get out of bed reset, so I’m getting it over with first MY FUCKIN BRAIN

[etrangere]

I skipped caffeine this morning, because it's the main way I have to counteract the feedback loop of sleep deprivation increasing anxiety which worsens insomnia, and oh boy after lunch I am so eepy. I don't know if I can make it, I am so so so tired

[etrangere]

My first night attempting CBTi for my sleep maintenance insomnia, at sleep onset I became *so* agitated that I had to practice my "activation reset" (getting out of bed). Insomnia is such a weird wriggly writhing thing. Most of the time unless I'm very anxious sleep onset is pretty normal, but I was in full self-narration and self-monitoring mode AND my body was also nervous with my stomach doing tiny flips which of course pissed me off so much that I had to have a cry about it, and then I read until I could not keep my eyes open.

So far it's just: recognizing the difference between being awake but sleepy and being awake but "activated" (activation cue) and then doing a reset by getting out of bed and doing a quiet activity until my body feels sleepy. But being hyperaware of my sleep/wake state is itself a trigger so uh.

This is better than a benzo dependency

[etrangere]

Well it’d be a beautiful morning to go for a run if the AQI weren’t 110 and it didn’t smell like ass outside

[etrangere]

Hey if you ever need to rent a car, do NOT use their EZ Pass or at least do NOT use Hertz’ EZ Pass because they will charge you $23.99 PER DAY for the service!! So I have this big fat charge for one single $10 toll :) :) and I am making such a stink about it.

[etrangere]

My CBT-insomnia therapist says that one of the cognitive parts we have to do is work on why/how my brain believes that activity = safety and I’m like. Uh. I don’t know man I just live here!

Totally willing to participate, I just don’t have the answers. I mean I’m doing this because I prefer it to drugs.

[spacepetals]

[etrangere]

wait holy shit you can mute notifications on a post. I should have done this one MILLION YEARS AGO

[power-chords]

This Dan Piraro comic always makes me cry.

[etrangere]

okay you guys have 48 hours to recognize that I exist or I'm turning reblogs off of the moss post because it's too annoying

[etrangere]

Like 99.99999% of my notifications are from the moss post and it's like anti-validation at this point. Nobody acknowledges me they just keep touching the shit out of my post

[etrangere]

wow I got reblobbed by the herpsandbirds account! Weird thing about having a viral post is that if you try to interact with the tens of thousands of people interacting with your post you get no response ever? Almost as weird as seeing your own post from 2019 on your dashboard.

[etrangere]

I have a bunch of vacation photos I haven’t gotten around to posting! I’m back home and working this morning and I’m eepy as heck!