idk

podge hodge

[etu-es]

fire starter

wait I feel it now.

i thought the embers meant it had died.

how silly of me, a gentle enough breeze lit a spark. there is a flicker then a flame.

the soft exhale of a sleeping giant has done the trick.

i hope it doesn't wake up.

[etu-es]

Wet and Choking

there is something alien inside my chest.

it leaks out of me slowly, heady and viscous.

what is this,

it sticks to my hands and won't wipe off.

collects dirt and grime, and soap can't break it apart.

i can taste it on my tongue sometimes, bitter, addicting.

its hollowed out a space and grew before i realized to be afraid.

the taste is getting stronger, the weight heavier, every breath pushes it into my ribs, i can feel the scrape of teeth on bone, its gnawing on me.

eating me from the inside, licking up my organs, hot and slick.

its gripping onto my throat, makes it hard to speak.

i think its in my guts, twisted and wriggling, and creeping under my skin heating it up.

press into me bitter parasite, let me play good host.

find what you are looking for within me, let me be useful, let me be wanted, then let me taste.

[etu-es]

Siblinghood

Having siblings, is god's gift to humanity. Who would I be without them? My very existence is tied into who they are, there is no distinction between who I would be without them and who I have become for them. Have we become who the other needs or brought out the parts of ourselves that already exists. I exist for them. We would be dead without each other. I know love because of them.

My sister knows the channels of my mind like she knows her own, there is no explaining here. How beautiful, to not explain, stuttered half sentences are enough.

[etu-es]

my heart skips every other beat,

i am living with chronic dying.

every breath feels like it could be the last,

i am afraid instead of grateful.

[etu-es]

The Fionna and Cake finale was so beautiful. I genuinely think this season was a masterpiece crafted with unimaginable amounts of love and care. I really though that Finn was going to die, because of the way he aged in the coma, I though that is mirrored 'together again' and we had been tricked into thinking he had lived a long life. I think the parallels between Fern living with Finn's vault, and looking and tending to the pain he lives with was beautiful. I think Cake learning to accept herself as what she is. Huntress learning about green magic and love, PB crashing and handing off the throne to PepBut for when he graduates. Then, the world expanding for Fionna, and turning into the lush green planet because they acknowledged the heart of the forest. She never felt as if she belonged there, and now the world has cracked open and turned into something she can belong in. I would be happy if next season was just her and crew exploring the new world and adventuring. I also really am happy with the ending of Finn's arc here. I feel like they closed out that world well, and I am ready to move on (of course i would never complain about more) but I feel like they have done everything justice and idk. Finn says, no one loves me like Jake, and then has to recognize that while thats true, there are still people who love him, and its worth coming back to. I think that part specifically struck a chord in my soul, thats what having a sibling is like isn't it. No one loves me like you. It was beautiful, my sister and I clutched each other crying when it ended.

[im-n0t-done]

my sister made this beautiful edit to the song we love most

[im-n0t-done]

my sister made this beautiful edit to the song we love most

[etu-es]

this episode if fionna and cake was a literal masterpiece holy shit

[etu-es]

Circle K

oh gas station man,

how faithful you are.

you are ever present, you greet me and smile, no matter my state.

gas station man the light in your eyes never wavers for me, whether saunter or stumble, you are the same.

gas station man you love me like the wolf loves the woods, instead of a pig loving trough.

[etu-es]

For the first time in a long long time, maybe ever, i have both the money and the maturity to be able to get my siblings and my mom some nice gifts for the holiday season and i am so excited. Normally I really do not like gift giving, but i really am spoiling my younger sister so bad this year and i am so happy to do so.

i know she is gonna feel some type of way for it, but i love love loveeee getting her things she likes. and i did it all second hand and stuff. i hope she likes it.

[sillyguyhotline]

fool me once shame on you fool me twice blinding stew

[etu-es]

Stuffed and Sweet ;P

a parasite lives in my stomach.

it eats what i eat, then demands for more.

it pushes at the walls of my organs and screeches for a sweet treat.

[paneerlajwanti]

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK i got tomorrow tomorrow

[etu-es]

i think that the lesson i am learning right now, is that i do not have to accept all the love that is offered to me, and being sure of something before i enter it holds value. i so often engage with others with a mindset of, i dont know what i want but lets hang out and see. unfortunately i have hurt people this way. i operate in a zone of plausible deniability, where we are not dating so nothing is really that serious and if they start feelings deeply, and wanting serious, then its kind of on them because that wasnt what we started with.

i think i have been comfortable in this grey zone for so long, because it offers the comfort of not needing to be vulnerable. no one talks about their feelings, therefore you dont have to worry. i know it all sounds like evil bullshit, and thats actually because it is.

i have been in successful relationships, where i communicated very well, but for some reason this inbetween, a "situationship" of sorts, creates a space for me to be comfortable with someone and also not have to commit, which is sickening and disgusting and i must do better.

i think that i should go into something knowing what i want the result to be. im so used to my peers not wanting to state what we are, and them saying oh we will just see where it goes, and having this like understood notion that we are getting to know eachother. but we have all been going about it all wrong. or at least i have, and the answer was in my face the whole time. i dont know why i haven't fixed this issue. maybe its because i never really cared that much because the people i was hanging out with also did not really care, or were so blase about things that i did not think anything of it.

i cant keep going into things and saying oh i will see where it goes. i have to know what i want, i have to be aware of how i feel, i have to be sure. because leaving things to the winds blows people over.

[etu-es]

i feel like people want the fionna and cake world to be a 1 to 1 with original finn world. keep in mind they are a real universe now. the characters arent going to be exaclty like og world. they don't have the same life experiences, fears, or desires. Farm World Finn is super diff than OG Finn too, but that isnt a problem for anyone. Fionna will be very different with the same core. Ive seen ppl be upset Fennel is so different, but she never had a grass demon! Fennel isnt going to be like Fern, Fennel is if Fern never got fucked up by that thangg. Gary will be different, bc he has loving parents and was never abandoned and betrayed as a child. Marshall Lee will be different bc he isnt an immortal being who was forced to be alone for hundreds of years. Cake is different than Jake too, she is entirely different. They are their own people, the world is its own world, they have parallels to the OG world, but it will be different. Being disappointed or confused as to why they are so different doesnt make sense. It's fun to notice the parallels, but acknowledging and enjoying the differences is also important

[etu-es]

[etu-es]

fresh and curvy ;3

a lump is growing on my forehead.

its new and tender, and has an oily sheen.

it throbs when i move my head too fast, and its still growing.