@titanomakia

forgive me if i digress. i cannot tell you who i am unless i tell you why i am. i cannot help you to take a measurement until we both know where we stand.

[eudaiman-a]

⠀⠀⠀EUDAIMAN⠀:⠀an independent writing blog for takuto maruki of persona 5: royal. unmarked spoilers. canon adjacent. 18+. mutuals only. sporadic activity. heavily neglected by ecto.

⠀⠀⠀carrd / in character / prompts / headcanons / character studies ⠀⠀⠀10 threads / 8 prompts⠀

⠀⠀⠀A STUDY OF⠀:⠀failing to move on, the ontological implications of memory, developing a messiah complex instead of going to therapy, unresolved grief, faustian bargains, snacks as social lubricant, men who actually do their own emotional labour, and more

[eudaiman-a]

hiatus will continue until my mood stops being yikes. take care all, much love, and we'll be back eventually. 💛

[eudaiman-a]

this blog is a CHLOE FREE ZONE until she finishes royal 🔪

[eudaiman-a]

rumi had liked stargazing. they passed hours in that wildflower field, rumi entranced by the constellations, maruki entranced by rumi. the brilliant delight in her eyes matched the points of light she adored, and for as long as they were together, maruki imagined the churning, nuclear chaos as something truly hopeful: places where they could find others, optimistic enough to drown out his knowledge that the vastness of distance meant they saw it as it was millions of years in the past. the idea of being clueless about what was happening right before their eyes— the unknowing crushed him. but it was a small sacrifice to satisfy the smitten muscle thudding in his chest.

[eudaiman-a]

back to work tomorrow.

[becomeflowers]

❥         𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐀     (     ₁₉₉₇      )     ﹔please  do  not  add   to  the  post.  you  may  adjust  any  pronouns  as  needed.

❝  no  star  burned  brighter …  ❞

❝  soon,  you’ll  be  home  with  me.  ❞

❝you  dare  banish  me ?  ❞

❝  mark  my  words.  ❞

❝  have  you  heard ?  ❞

❝  please  do  not  repeat.  ❞

❝  you  and  i,  friend,  will  go  down  in  history !  ❞

❝  we’ll  be  rich !  ❞

❝  they’ll  have  some  more  to  talk  about.  ❞

❝  a  fascinating  mystery …  ❞

❝  the  biggest  con  in  history !  ❞

❝  it’s  time  to  take  your  place  in  life.  ❞

❝  okay … i  can  take  a  hint.  ❞

❝  life  is  full  of  choices.  ❞

❝  i’m  learning  fast.  ❞

❝  i  was  never  complete  until  i  found  you.  ❞

❝  one  step  at  a  time.  ❞

❝  my  heart  still  needs  to  know …  ❞

❝  where  are  you ?  ❞

❝  did  you  hear  something ?  ❞

❝  hello !  anybody  home ?  ❞

❝  things  i  almost  remember.  ❞

❝  hey !  what  are  you  doing  in  here ?  ❞

❝  stop,  stop,  stop !  stop,  stop !  ❞

❝  hold  on  a  minute !  ❞

❝  how  did  you  get  in  here ?  ❞

❝  do  you  see  what  i  see ?  ❞

❝  perhaps …  that  all  depends  on  who’s  looking  for  him.  ❞

❝  were  you  a  vulture  in  another  life ?  ❞

❝  i  have  very  few  memories  of  my  past.  ❞

❝  can  you  help  me  or  not ?  ❞

❝  i  knew  you  were  crazy  from  the  beginning.  ❞

❝  i  guess  every  lonely  girl  would  hope  that  she’s  a  princess.  ❞

❝  really  wish  we  could  help  but …  ❞

❝  right  in  the  palm  of  our  hand.  ❞

❝  d-did  you  call  me ?  ❞

❝  it’s  all  just  an  honest  mistake.  ❞

❝  i’m  allergic  to  dogs.  ❞

❝  we’ve  got  a  train  to  catch.  ❞

❝  get  out !  ❞

❝  you’re  alive … ?  ❞

❝  that’s  why  i’m  stuck  here !  ❞

❝  i’m  a  wreck.  ❞

❝  is  this  the  face  of  someone  who’d  lie  to  you ?  ❞

❝  for  a  minute  there  you  had  your  old  spark  back !  ❞

❝  alright,  alright.  don’t  get  so  grabby.  ❞

❝  i’m  just  trying  to  help,  all  right ?  ❞

❝  stop  bossing  me  around.  ❞

❝  look,  i  think  we  got  off  on  the  wrong  foot.  ❞

❝  i  appreciate  your  apology.  ❞

❝  apology ?  who  said  anything  about  an  apology ?  ❞

❝  please,  don’t  talk  anymore,  okay ?  it’s  only  gonna  upset  me.  ❞

❝  i’ll  be  quiet  if  you  will.  ❞

❝  you  think  you’re  gonna  miss  it ?  ❞

❝  miss  what-  your  talking ?  ❞

❝  but  it  was  your  home …  ❞

❝  oh,  just  forget  it.  ❞

❝  have  you  lost  your  mind ?  ❞

❝  attraction ?  ridiculous.  ❞

❝  oh,  sorry  i  thought  you  were  someone  el-  oh,  it’s  you.  ❞

❝  i  think  you  broke  my  nose !  ❞

❝  men  are  such  babies. ❞

❝  get  off  of  me.  ❞

❝  something’s  not  right.  ❞

❝  wait  here.  i’ll  check  it  out.  ❞

❝  not  you !  ❞

❝  he’s  busy  at  the  moment.  ❞

❝  and  to  think  that  could’ve  been  you.  ❞

❝  if  we  live  through  this,  remind  me  to  thank  you.  ❞

❝  here  goes  nothin’.  ❞

❝  uh,  wow.  take  it  easy  there.  ❞

❝  oh,  no.  not  me.  ❞

❝  you  don’t  know  it’s  a  lie.  what  if  it’s  true ?  ❞

❝  there’s  nothing  left  for  you  back  there.  ❞

❝  i  feel  a  little  foolish.  ❞

❝  you’re  a  dream  come  true.  ❞

❝  here …  i  bought  you  this.  ❞

❝  i’m  not  very  good  at  it.  ❞

❝  i  mean  it  was  nice  on  the  hanger,  but  it  looks  even  better  on  you.  ❞

❝  i-i’m  just  trying  to  give  you  a,  uh -  ❞

❝  compliment ?  ❞

❝  how  will  we  get  through  this ?  ❞

❝  i’m  feeling  a  little …  dizzy.  ❞

❝  kind  of  light-headed ?  ❞

❝  maybe  we  should  stop.  ❞

❝  you’re  doing  fine.  ❞

❝  just  riddled  with  envy.  ❞

❝  pleasant  dreams  to  you.  ❞

❝  wake  up !  ❞

❝  it  was  a  nightmare.  it’s  all  right,  you’re  safe  now.  ❞

❝  we  won’t  be  fooled  next  time.  ❞

❝  no  more  pretend.  ❞

❝  princesses  don’t  marry  kitchen  boys.  ❞

❝  we’re  going  to  go  through  with  this  as  if  nothing  has  changed.  ❞

❝  you’ve  got  to  tell  her.  ❞

❝  tell  me  what ?  ❞

❝  h- …  how  beautiful  you  look.  ❞

❝  everything’s  gonna  be  fine.  ❞

❝  look,  we’ve  been  through  a  lot  together.  ❞

❝  i  want  to  wish  you  good  luck,  i  guess.  ❞

❝  you  used  me ?  ❞

❝  it  may  have  started  out  that  way,  but  everything’s  different  now.  ❞

❝  from  the  very  beginning,  you  lied !  ❞

❝  you  just  leave  me  alone !  ❞

❝  please,  you  have  to  know  the  truth !  ❞

❝  you’ll  stop  at  nothing,  will  you ?  ❞

❝  i’m  probably  about  as  stubborn  as  you  are.  ❞

❝  i  don’t  want  to  trick  you.  ❞

❝  why  the  change  of  mind ?  ❞

❝  it  was  more  a  change  of  heart.  ❞

❝  you’re  making  a  mistake.  ❞

❝  i  can’t  stay.  ❞

❝  you’ll  always  have  me,  but  is  it  enough ?  ❞

❝  i’m  not  afraid  of  you.  ❞

❝  they’re  waiting  for  you.  ❞

❝  wish  me  luck.  ❞

❝  it’s  the  perfect  ending.  ❞

❝  no.  it’s  a  perfect  beginning.  ❞

[onlydoll]

“Well, of course I’ve tried lavender. And pulling my memory out, ribbonlike and dripping. And shrieking into my pillow. And writing the poems. And making more friends. And baking warm brown cookies. And therapy. And intimacy. And pictures of rainbows. And all of the movies about lovers and the terrible things they do to each other. And watching the ones in other languages. And leaving the subtitles off. And listening to the language. And forgetting my name. And feeling the dirt on my skin. And screaming in the shower. And changing my shampoo. And living alone. And cutting my hair. And buying a turtle. And petting the cat. And traveling. And writing more poems. And touching a different body. And digging a grave. And digging a grave. Of course, I’ve tried it. Of course I have.”

— september is a weary month, yasmin belkhyr (via wildflowerveins)

[eudaiman-a]

maruki be like "im not the bad guy" meanwhile his persona triggers automatic content filters

[eudaiman-a]

@75bpm it's time to bully the psientist

it's wet enough he can taste it. wet enough that he breathes mist every time he inhales, bringing the taste of petrichor, moss, and whatever black lifeform clings to the bathhouse tiles thick enough to hide the grid beneath. but nowhere can maruki hear the low murmur of moving water, not once has a drip of condensation echoed against the hard walls— only his footsteps, sometimes squelching, mostly clicking, and the occasional underwhelming drop of humidity-sweat off his hair and onto the ground. it's everything familiar to him in an unrecognizable form, so still he sometimes wonders if time itself had stopped— there must be a being that can do that, if azathoth can control minds as easily as it does. after everything, there's nothing he could possibly hold to be immutable anymore— except for the way the world changes with his steps, conforming to his influence and weight. a footprint in grime here. a handprint where he steadies himself there.

he sometimes finds himself thinking if the next left or right is truly his own, or if it's azathoth pushing some impulse. it presses into his awareness more forcefully here, a world half-steeped in cognition, half-locked in the real; these bizarre pockets of unspace where any wandering of his mind inevitably becomes the wandering of his feet. is it his mind that shapes these black waters, these ruined tiles? maruki knows if he thinks of home enough, eventually the walls will peel away into something concrete. he starts thinking about it now: about the shared office space, about the sunlight reflecting off his wall clock, about plush chairs and corporate carpets, and the people he meets there. he thinks on it until it becomes his surroundings, until he remembers a father and daughter, a name tipping his tongue without fully coming into his cognition until…

until he sees his face.

conrad. maruki can't help it— he grins, delighted. like he's just been given a scintillating new datum and his inner model is rewriting itself faster than he can track, a thousand theories spreading across the vast landscape of his mind. if this, then what about…? would that necessitate….?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"somebody once told me the most infectious disease is an idea…" he begins, unable to hide the curious excitement that vibrates just under his tongue. "i have to say, i'm starting to see their point."

[eudaiman-a]

"i don't consider you my enemy but i do have to stop you" is my single favourite kind of dynamic simply because it hurts so much more to get dragged into a fight you don't want, worse when it's against someone you like or admire. maruki truly never did have any ill will towards the pts (joker especially!) and i'm always so sad there was only akechi's vitriolic rejection against him and nobody who actually tried to convince him in the same way he tried to convince sumire and joker. maruki wanted to talk— he wanted a chance to hear joker out, and for joker to hear him out, and a silent protagonist seriously limited what they could say about either side.

(not that i really expect that kind of nuance from a persona game, but, you know.)

[eudaiman-a]

maruki has excellent bedside manner but he's also still Just A Dude, so honestly where are the shujin students spying on him at a bar with shibusawa and his friends and not believing what comes out of his mouth

[eudaiman-a]

gleefully revisiting this because there's a thieves den interaction where he admits that facet of him is his counselling face

futaba: i gotta say, dr. maruki… your social skills are god―tier. maruki: haha… thank you, but i have a long way to go. i still get rather nervous when i meet someone for the first time… ann: wow, really? i didn't get that vibe from you at all. maruki: that may be due to our relationship as counselor and student. as part of my job, i naturally put on a certain façade. it makes the words flow more easily.

shibusawa talks about him being reserved ("it's pretty rare to see him open up to someone") and headstrong ("i swear, you've gotta be the most stubborn man in the world") with a tendency to rush into things ("you can be a bit too carefree"/"he knows i'm a little careless"). all three of these traits are central to his development as the final antagonist: his closed-off nature kept azathoth and his palace (remember, the pts couldn't figure out the ruler's name) secret until the big reveal, his stubbornness allowed him to evolve azathoth but also stop his palace from collapsing, twice. and the tendency to rush into things, not taking the time to think if he should: well, that's how this whole process got started to begin with, right?

[eudaiman-a]

dash game: what form of love do you embody?

⠀⠀⠀LOVE AS A CHOICE⠀:⠀[ love is beautiful because it's built deliberately ] when casey mcquinston wrote "that's the choice. i love him, with all that, because of all that, on purpose. i love him on purpose" and when jenny slate tweeted "i just want someone to grab my little face and scream on purpose, on purpose i am going to care about you" and when jodi picoult wrote "after fifteen years, love isn't just a feeling. it's a choice" and when the good place said "if soulmates do exist, they're not found they're made"

tagged by: @justpyre <3 tagging: steal it

[pseudoreal]

― Dead Poets Society (Final Script)

[eudaiman-a]

@pseudodead (ghost) said: what’s the first letter of the alphabet? this you know. critical role sentence starters !!!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"a? it's a… right?"

maruki presses the heel of a hand into the hollows of his eyes— everything's obliterated by the feeling of ripping, tearing feeling of his mind, a claw-sharp electric bolt across the walls of his skull, far more painful and frequent with the city's rising unrest. azathoth's voice grows clearer with the tumult but there's a price to pay for it; a price that has him nearly faint in the small hideaway, saved only by his arm colliding with a nearby wall first. there's nothing to be done for it. he's had two decades to come to grips with this— the only thing for it now to pray (to azathoth? to something else?) for reprieve.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"it's… just a migraine. i'm fine," the ugly grimace he wears tells a different story, as if the teeth-clenched tightness of his voice didn't give enough away; how the words come slow, dredged up from dark waters.

[eudaiman-a]

@75bpm said: hewwo doctow meowruki, i think i need mewdicaw check up uwu

maruki's frown in quizzical— comical, even. pulling the thermometer from conrad's mouth reveals a nonsensical reading of ":3". he's accuse him of tampering with it, but, well... that would be a waste of breath.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"it's nothing cat-astrophic," the good doctor, who is not a medical doctor, tells him; not that it requires a medical license to diagnose the common cold. his ear twitches.

the thermometer clatters into the trash.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"mew know... if you wanted to see me, we could have just gone fur lunch."

[eudaiman-a]

patient confidentiality doesn't cover 'vaguing the entire student body'

[eudaiman-a]

phrasing, maruki.