(undercover) lifeguard Jason Todd running the community pool like the gd navy
partly inspired by @sillywillyco 's lifeguard Dick!
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(undercover) lifeguard Jason Todd running the community pool like the gd navy
partly inspired by @sillywillyco 's lifeguard Dick!
Jason’s-alive-reveal-au where he decides that in order to fuck with Bruce on every level he needs access to both sides of his life, so not only does he become Red Hood but he also starts working at WE and accidentally slowly starts climbing the corporate ladder. he didn’t mean to be anything more than a low-level grunt but turns out he fucking rules at this job, and it all comes to light because thinking he wouldn’t be important meant he didn’t even bother using a fake name, and eventually Tim’s in his office like, running through promotions that he needs to approve for some of the higher positions.
Tim, seeing ‘Jason Peter Todd’ as one of the names on the list:
Tim: *narrows eyes*
Lucius, spotting the name: ….oh. what do you want to-
Tim: give him the promotion.
Lucius: ….give the promotion to the person using Bruce’s dead son’s name?
Tim: if he gets the promotion he’ll have to attend the monthly board meetings. i want to watch whoever this is try and get away with that. we’ll tear him apart.
Tim thinks he’s being real funny up until Jason fucking Todd walks into the boardroom two weeks later and maintains direct eye contact just daring him to freak out in front of everyone. i like to think that Bruce is also at this meeting, but he fell asleep five minutes ago so he doesn’t even notice, and Tim spends the next hour glaring daggers into the passed out man’s head for daring to leave him alone in this situation.
the thing is, Bruce probably slacks off so much at WE that even if Jason was like. in the highest position he could possible achieve in his department. he probably wouldn’t notice. Jason and Tim come to an understanding filled with spite that leads Tim to keep quiet about Jason’s revival specifically because Bruce keeps palming his work off on Tim and he wants to get him back.
eventually the family find out who Red Hood is and Tim doesn’t act surprised in the slightest. betrayed, Bruce asks why Tim would keep that kind of information from him only to immediately get shouted down with ‘-WELL MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED UP TO THE FUCKING STOCK MEETINGS YOU WOULD KNOW-‘
after like twenty seconds of shocked silence at the outburst Jason turns to clap Bruce on the shoulder, ‘oh right. also i run your marketing department. see you in a couple days for the quarterly report.’
(i think its also funnier if Damian was somewhat aware of the situation due to doing some kind of volunteer/internship thing at WE for school, and like two months after Tim found out, Damian was in his office with him when Jason waltzed in to hand in some papers and both Tim and Damian froze. Tim because he didn’t think Damian knew Jason and was afraid he’d snitch, and Damian because what the fuck is Todd doing in front of a family member without the helmet?!
Jason, after like a minute: Dami, i can explain
Damian, really doesn’t want to get dragged into whatever bullshit Jason’s doing, because he had enough of that in the league and doesn’t want to be held responsible by both Bruce and Talia when this inevitably blows up in their faces: you know what Todd? i actually don’t want you to.
Jason:
Jason: thats honestly fair
Tim, confused: …am i missing something here?
Jason and Damian, simultaneously: no.)
I love fics where the Bats are confronted with the fact that they don't really know each other as well as they may have thought. Not in an angsty way, but in the way you kinda know your sibling has hobbies and friends on a technical level but don't realize the fact that he is a different person outside of the family (and in this case vigilante) setting. Some examples:
Steph always gets Damian drawing materials that he's very excited for but has no idea the kid is a weeb until she catches him drawing Cheese Vikings fanart in a manga style. Damian doesn't understand where the surprise is coming from, that's how he's always drawn. Steph shows him her cosplay pictures (she does love a good characterization) and they end up going to comicon together.
Jason at a club with some friends and he sees Tim across the room having the time of his life with his friends. They're both equally shocked at the fact that the other has friends outside of their teams and Jason gets hit with the realization that Tim is just another teenager (kinda like him, he's 20 tops) and they're both underage drinking.
Duke having his mind blown away at the fact that Dick is actually amazing at fighting games. He kicks his ass in Mortal Combat and smash bros and he actually knows how to do combos. Dick is equally taken aback by Duke's perfectly aesthetic and super organized Animal Crossing island and begs him to let him have some of his rare flowers for his own place.
Cass and Bruce making faces each time they're reminded the other is a human being with human needs. It doesn't help that they're awake at really weird hours and have caught the other making the walk of shame into the manor one too many times. The painfully awkward eye contact, the vow to never talk about it.
12 year old, 4'4ft Jason: Tall people really act like they earned their height
17 year old, 5'10ft Dick: Short people really act like we stole their height
Bruce, internally: [don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh-]
-
[Years later]
19 year old, 6'2ft Jason: Hey, remember when I stole your height? Good times
24 year old 5'10 Dick:
Dick: First oF ALL, YOU SASQUATCH SIZED BITCH-
Bruce, internally: [DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH-]
He’s gonna keep it, he’s gonna name it and NO ONE WILL STOP HIM 😾😾😾
That’s a weird looking dog…
I can't stop thinking about an AU where multiple universes collide and a bunch of alternate Bats have to save the world together-- but the catch is that they are: Talon Grayson, Gun Batman Tim, Cluemaster Steph, Demon Head Damian, Assassin Cass, Prince of Metas Duke (followed his bio father's footsteps after finding out about him) and.... Father Todd. The only one who doesn't kill people, but is very well versed in exorcism magic.
I need this written STAT
(Tags by prev)
Father Todd, staring at Talon!Grayson: ... Do you want an exorcism?
Talon!Grayson:
Father Todd: I do them for free, you know.
---
Father Todd: *Secretly gives Talon holy water to drink*
Talon!Grayson: *starts choking because he swallowed wrong*
Father Todd: *praying in latin*
(The evolution trigger is ✨Trauma✨)
Edit: since there seems to be some confusion about all the AU Jasons, here's a list of where they're from.
From Left to right Red Hooded Ninja: Young Justice cartoon Red Hood: Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016), DC comics Arkham Knight: Batman: Arkham Knight video game Red Robin: Death in the Family interactive movie Father Todd: Flashpoint: The World of Flashpoint #2, DC comics
Duke, filming a TikTok walking through the halls of Wayne Manor: “I’ve never understood why people want to know what it’s like living with the Wayne’s.”
He walks past a dark, candle lit room. Dick, Tim, Steph, Cass, and Damian all stand in a circle around Jason. They hold hands and rhythmically chant out the words to Smashmouth’s “All Stars.”
Duke: “Like, they’re just regular people doing regular people things. They aren’t aliens, you know?”
Duke cracks at the last second, laughing at their skit.
One day Tim’s out in casual clothes just roaming because Alfred said he needed to spend time in the sun (Jason said his sickly Victorian child was showing which is what actually got him outside).
Anyway he’s minding his business, bored out of his mind, when an alert about the riddler goes out. He escaped Arkham and Tim is like “I’ve got nothing better to do,” So he tracks him down. Except he tracks him down as Tim Drake, not Red Robin because he was told to get sunlight as Tim.
Kid basically knocks on the door the Riddler’s hideout like “I’m bored and I’m pretty sure I can out riddle you.” And the Riddler isn’t gonna take that challenge sitting down.
He doesn’t even have a plan set up yet. Just drags Tim in like “guess I’ll use this kid as bait he is influential.” And the entire time he’s setting up his elaborate trap he’s shooting riddles back and forth with Tim. Ten minutes in he’s given up on the trap because Tim is not only keeping up but is also dishing out stellar riddles. Riddler’s not about to risk killing one of the few people in Gotham that are actually entertaining.
By this point the Bat’s “Tim Radar” Has gone off. They haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t checked in for the Riddler Breakout. So they track him and they find him sitting in Riddler’s hideout with a mug of coffee playing the equivalent of four dimensional chess but it’s the game Clue.
It ends with the Riddler being willing to go back to Arkham so long has he has regularly scheduled enrichment time with Tim.
Tim’s content with that. Honestly he had a lot of fun.
Bruce is exhausted.
My ideal beginning to a Batman movie:
We start with a slow pan down to Gotham as Oracle narrates
“Ask your average person who Gotham’s most famous citizen is, and you’ll get the same response every time: Bruce Wayne. Everybody’s heard of Bruce Wayne. You’ve probably heard his name a million times before. But there are some things that the average citizen doesn’t know about him. See, to the people of Gotham, Bruce Wayne is a rich kid who never grew up. They think he’s a buffoon, an airhead, a moron. But the truth is…”
*Batman bursts out of a window, screaming, on fire*
*record scratch, freeze frame*
“…they aren’t entirely wrong about that.”
EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
This is then followed by a series of clips from interviews with various Gotham citizens, all of whom give humorously ironic descriptions of Bruce Wayne’s idiocy:
“Bruce Wayne? I hear the guy gets through a super-car every month! Replaces every one, just like that!”
*Cut to shot of the Batmobile flipping end-over-end after slamming into one of Bane’s APCs*
“Wayne? Please! The guy would probably have accidentally killed himself years ago if he didn’t have that butler to babysit him!” *Cut to Alfred physically restraining Bruce from going out to fight Scarecrow while having a broken arm, a concussion, and the flu,*
“I bet he throws away cash like it grows on trees!”
*Cut to Batman shouting “Hey, Lucius! Ask R&D to make some kryptonite/Nth metal alloy baterangs! Y’know, just in case!”
“I’m almost jealous. Super rich and he gets to hang out with gorgeous women across the world? Sign me up!”
*Cut to Bruce being slammed face first into a wall repeatedly by Lady Shiva.*
Do you think jason todd ever sings "I'm just a teenage crime lord baby" to himself while he's doing red hood business
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the more mundane a goverment department is, the funnier it is in a high fantasy universe. Like imagine just being like
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