haewon's words settled over him one by one, each one heavier than the last, until they left him standing beneath a weight he wasn't sure he could carry. the moment she stepped closer, instinct overrode thought. his body reacted before his mind had the chance to catch up, his hand beginning to lift toward her almost without permission, drawn by months of reaching for her whenever she looked hurt. it stopped halfway. his fingers twitched once before curling back into his palm, the movement dying there as reality caught up with him. he wasn't sure he had the right to touch her anymore. not now. instead, he stood perfectly still, letting her close the distance between them, letting her fist gather the fabric of his shirt while his heartbeat hammered so violently against his ribs that he was certain she could feel it through the cotton.
then she told him she'd heard them. whatever fragile footing he'd managed to build beneath himself gave way all over again. for just a second, something flashed across his face before he could stop it. not guilt⸺not in the way she'd read it, anyway⸺but something dangerously close to panic. his jaw clenched hard enough to ache as images of his friends laughing, talking too loudly, letting something that never should've left them become carelessly spoken where anyone could hear it crashed through his mind. idiots. the word surfaced immediately, sharp and bitter. how could they be so careless? his gaze dropped briefly to where her hand still clung to his shirt before lifting back to her face, lingering there as she asked the question he'd been trying not to hear. was i really just a bet to you? he didn't answer. not because he hadn't heart it, but because he couldn't. every answer that came to mind threatened to unravel everything he'd been trying so desperately to hold together, and before he realized what he was doing, his mind reached for the only question he could answer without hesitation.
"... did i ever truly love you?" he repeated quietly, the words sounding almost foreign on his tongue. his brows drew together as he searched her face, disbelief and hurt bleeding into an expression that had become increasingly difficult to keep under control. "you really have to ask me that?" the question wasn't sharp. if anything, it came out wounded. a slow breath left him, though it did nothing to steady the frantic rhythm of his pulse. "haewon ..." her name escaped in little more than a whisper, his voice rough around the edges now. "after everything we've shared ... after everything we've been through together ... you think i could fake loving you?" he shook his head once, almost imperceptibly, unable to reconcile the thought with everything he felt every time he looked at her. "you think every time i held your hand, every time i looked at you, every time i told you i wanted to be with you ..." his voice faltered for the first time, forcing him to swallow before continuing, "... you think i was pretending?"
his eyes searched hers with quiet desperation, as though if she looked closely enough, she'd find the answer there instead of in his words. "i love you." the admission came without hesitation this time, stripped bare by the fear that had finally begun to outweigh his ability to hide behind carefully chosen sentences. "i know you probably don't believe me right now, but i do." his throat tightened painfully around the confession. "nothing about what i feel for you is fake. nothing." his gaze lingered on her for another long moment before dropping to where her fingers still curled around his shirt, his own hand lifting only slightly this time, stopping just short of covering hers. "i know what you heard," he said quietly. "i know how it sounded." a brief pause followed, his chest rising with a slow, uneven breath. "but i'm standing here telling you what i know is true." his eyes found hers again, pleading now despite every attempt to stay composed. "so please ..." his voice cracked softly on the last word. "believe me."
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