Not all those who wander are lost

🦁RKR~💉10/31/17 ~🔪3/12/20~ 🍆8/18/23 ~ Carpe Noctem🦁

[euphoria-kingdom]

Maybe I should get back into it

Tumblr feels like such a relic of the past for me. But I think I'd like to get back into it. Posting little updates like an electronic journal. Maybe I'll find some cool people to talk to and actually make a friend.

As of right now, I'm 7 years on testosterone, almost 5 years post top surgery, and a little over a year post the initial stage of my bottom surgery. I'm 27 years old living in northern Oregon, working as a compounding pharmacy tech, but I'm going back to school to become a surgical tech. I like video games (ps5, switch), I play guitar, ukulele, and I'm learning bass on my own, I have two cats, and I'm bisexual with a strong preference for women.

If you want to talk about trans stuff, that's cool, but I'm open to talking about anything. I would prefer to make friends who live near me, but it's not required. I look forward to making new connections :)

[euphoria-kingdom]

Another Update

Hi all, long time, no type.

I'm now 3 years 2 months post top surgery! Not much has changed besides the scars continuing to fade. Still a little redness in one place, but mostly now the scars just appear a little darker than the rest of my skin.

Meta!

After 2+ years of nightmare world with Dr. Meltzer's clinic, the conclusion is that I am now getting surgery with Dr. Esmonde, who was trained by Meltzer, and is located in Portland. I was handed over to him, unbeknownst to both of us (I thought my surgery was completely cancelled and he and I both found out only about a month ago that I was given to him), and I was able to keep my previously rescheduled date of July 20th! So I'm having surgery in 1 month and 15 days! I had given up and had accepted that I would have had to start the process all over again, but it's been a really nice surprise to have the surgery back on, and coming up so soon. I'm honestly really excited about it. I can't wait to get the v-nectomy, as that's my main source of dysphoria. I can't wait to have a perineum. I can't wait to stp. I can't wait to be totally comfortable having sex and not having to worry about people taking advantage of me. I just can't wait.

If anyone has any questions or wants current top surgery pics or pre-op dick pics to see what I'm working with, feel free to ask!

[euphoria-kingdom]

Update

Hey all who still follow my account lol. My last update was around January earlier this year, at one year ten months post-op. I'm now two years six months post-op, but at this point I don't really pay attention to the time that has passed in that way, which is a luxury. I have moved to Portland with my family, still getting settled. As for bottom surgery, I was able to get a consultation with Dr. Meltzer himself last month, so I finally got to meet him. The current plan/schedule is to have surgery in the beginning of March next year. We'll see how well that holds up, based on the clinic's track record 🙄 anyway, I was also recommended by Meltzer to pump to increase my size before the surgery to get the best results, so I have been doing that every day, with random off days when I either forget or am too tired to do so.

I just took this picture of myself tonight, and I'm actually pretty happy with it, considering where I came from. I have a beard, although not filling in on the cheeks yet, haha. Working on the mustache lol. Peep the shoulder vein, who knows where that came from cuz I haven't been working out, haha. But anyway. I feel like I've come a long way, and I'm pretty proud of it. Thanks for tagging along on my journey, no matter when you arrived :)

[euphoria-kingdom]

Quick Update

So uh, it's been a while since I've posted any updates, but I'm one year ten months post top surgery and everything has basically settled down. My scars are fading, except for this one spot where the scar is a little thicker than the rest, but it doesn't look too bad. My nips are pretty good. They experience some drying out sometimes and I use this cream that was prescribed to me and I only use it when I need it. Otherwise, I'm all good on stretching and pushing myself to my limit, I think.

But now, I'm on to bottom surgery (metoidioplasty). I just had my consultation with Dr. Ley who is currently at the Meltzer Clinic in Arizona, although she is moving to California and joining the Gender Confirmation Clinic to work with Dr. Scott Mosser. Dr. Ley examined me and thinks I'm a good candidate for the surgery, I didn't feel rushed when asking my questions, and she gave me a lot of information. Originally I wanted to have my consult with Dr. Meltzer, but because of some issues with the clinic office, Dr. Ley was the earliest I could see someone from the clinic. So I took it to at least get my foot in the door. As of right now, I'm able to schedule surgery, but I also want to have another consult with Dr. Meltzer while I'm waiting, since I'm going with him for the surgery.

Right now, I'm having a lot of issues with insurance, but I won't get into that unless someone is interested in hearing it. It's just really stressful because my family is also moving to Portland (we live in southern Oregon) just before I'm planning on scheduling the surgery. Also my parents are separating, so they'll each have their own places, but it's not that bad. The main thing is the insurance that's freaking me out. But anyway, if you guys are interested in seeing pictures of either my chest or even maybe what I'm working with downstairs, feel free to message me about either one!

Oh, one other thing is that I've lost a total of 50 lbs since my highest weight. It really wanted to lose weight for bottom surgery so that I could have the best results, and even Dr. Ley said I was skinny (even though I definitely have some fat left over that I would love to get rid of). But that made me feel pretty confident about how my results might be.

[euphoria-kingdom]

One Year, Five Months Post-Op

So I went to a dermatologist months ago for the nip dryness and I got some cream to help, and it did! And I can use it whenever it may pop up again, so that's good. Otherwise, everything has been going well. I feel like I can stretch to my full ability, although I still get afraid I might stretch something out by accident. The scars are still a little pink/red and one spot on my right side is just a little thicker than everything else, but I haven't done anything for the scars in a while. I might try scar strips again? Idk. But my chest hair definitely seems to be coming in more lol. Also, I've lost some weight. I'm about 142 lbs now, and my highest weight after top surgery was 170-something, so I'm pretty happy with that, although I still have a lot of chub left lol. Anyway, I'm still happy with my results and I'm planning on scheduling a consultation for meta in October!

[euphoria-kingdom]

I'm 11 months post op now and things seem to be settling down more and more. The only issue I've had is that my left nipple decided to get super dry over the past couple months and I've been doing as much as I can to keep it moisturized (using lanolin cream/coconut oil lotion about three times a day). It's taken about two weeks but it seems to finally be getting better, although around the areola is still red/irritated. I've also been massaging my scars with calendula oil salve for a couple weeks and I actually think they've gotten a little bit lighter. Less red and more pink now. The stretch marks I got after the surgery seem to be mostly faded now, but I'm still putting bio oil on the left side since that's the worse side. Anyway, I'm feeling good 11 months post op and I'm starting the process of bottom surgery, so if anyone has any questions, don't hesitate to ask :)

[euphoria-kingdom]

Not really transition-related, but I just got the first dose of the covid vaccine today and I though I keep little updates in case anyone's interested. I got it 8 hours ago, and I felt completely fine afterwards. The injection site (my left shoulder) is a little sore already, and in the last half hour, my ears started getting red and hot (but this is an occasional thing that happens normally for me, so it could be unrelated)

Update: I got the second dose and I felt worse the next day compared to the first dose. But after that first day, I didn't feel anything else bad/wrong

[euphoria-kingdom]

Just felt like showing my chest again. It's the day after Christmas and I'm 9.5 months post-op

[euphoria-kingdom]

I'm 9 months post-op :) My weight is closer to what it was before I got surgery, so that's a good thing. I still want to lose more and gain muscle, but my job drains me pretty bad so I have no motivation :P I'm still pondering bottom surgery and all that jazz. Still haven't been able to go to my therapist, since before top surgery btw. But other than that, I'm doing okay. I'm actually about to move up in my job, so that's something to look forward to. Anyway, here are some pics. The stretch marks are slowing fading. It hasn't been too long, so I bet they'll fade even more in the future. I also stopped scar treatment at 6 months, so idk what they would look like if I kept up with it. I might get back into it, idk

[euphoria-kingdom]

Got misgendered today ✌️ From the back. Pretty sure just cuz I was wearing a burgundy hoodie 🙄 You can literally see my beard on the sides of my face from looking at the back of my head, so... it was some old lady though, so whatever.

Oh, and I forgot to celebrate my 3 years on T on Halloween. So that's exciting. I think my beard is coming in alright. Nothing is really coming in on my cheeks, but along my jawline, sideburns, and my chin are doing relatively well. Still more body hair growin', so that's not fun, haha. But I haven't lost too much off my head/hairline, so that's good. Fat redistribution is about the same as last time. I just need to lose more weight lol. I feel like I could have a pretty masc body if I just worked on it. Other than that, not too much different that last year. I'm mentally working towards bottom surgery (meta), so that's my next step in my transition

[euphoria-kingdom]

I saw a tweet from a trans person saying that they finally feel at peace with their body and they feel like they're done with their transition, and I started thinking about myself and how I feel about my next steps (being bottom surgery at the moment). I want meta because it's far less invasive and complicated than phallo, but I don't really know if I'd be satisfied with a far smaller than average penis. I know I want to get meta first while I'm still on my dad's insurance, but I'm not sure if I want to keep going past that. It's a huge deal and you're sacrificing a part of you (whether it's your arm, leg, abdomen, or whatever else) to make another part that won't have the full sensation of your original junk. I haven't been to my therapist since before my top surgery (for several reasons), so like 7 months, and I know I need like two therapist notes to get meta, so I guess I should start working on that. Does anyone have any advice or anything?

[euphoria-kingdom]

Here another update of how I look. The first pic was back in July (almost 4 months post-op) and the right pic is today (almost 6 months post-op). I look about the same, which is fine with me because I gained some weight after that point and I look like I'm at about the same weight I was then (even though technically I'm a couple pounds lighter now than I was then)

[euphoria-kingdom]

Just a quick update about my weight loss so far:

I've lost seven pounds! My body fat percentage seems to float around 35-33%. I can't really tell how reliable my scale is in telling that percentage cuz it's pretty old, but it's something. I've been in a calorie deficit for a month now and I'm pretty happy with the loss so far. I don't physically see it, but I'm just gonna keep going until I get to my goal weight. Once I've lost the excess fat, I'm gonna start really working out to build muscle. Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know how it's going :)

[euphoria-kingdom]

I finally got a haircut from a legit barbershop and I'm actually happy with what I got. The guy asked a lot of questions to make sure of what I wanted and he was super nice. I've been going to Great Clips for years, and I had found someone that listened to me and was really cool, but when covid happened, she disappeared and I have no idea where she went or if she was coming back. So I decided to go to a real barber, and I'm glad I did. The owner and the employees are Hispanic (Mexican, I believe) and it was nice to have someone who knew how to cut my hair, since it sticks straight out. I only ever found one person at Great Clips who knew how to cut my hair. Anyway, I feel so much better cuz this is the second haircut I've gotten since covid. Also, I definitely recommend going to a real barbershop ✌️

[missmoonbunny]

[euphoria-kingdom]

I got tired of gaining weight (and finding new stretch marks) so I decided to start being in calorie deficit. I don't eat anything until dinner and it honestly doesn't bother me that much. I used to go all day without eating anything when I was in college, so I'm used to it (btw I finally graduated✌️). Doing this just helps me not snack all day, which was really contributing to the weight gain. The other contributer is that I don't have a job anymore, which kept me at a stable weight, but now, I had surgery which made me even more lazy. Since I started doing this, I've lost two pounds in the last few days. I've still been doing my very minimal "workouts" of push ups and bicep curls, just to feel better about myself. My main goal right now is to lose fat. I definitely plan on building muscle later though. One thing that is confusing to me is that I use my mom's scale and it also is supposed to tell you your fat percentage. Lately it's been about 33%, but since I've lost the two pounds, it went up to 38%, which I think is odd. I mean, I could just be losing muscle, which would suck, but I'm going to keep going and see what the outcome is

[euphoria-kingdom]

My grandma is probably the coolest person I know. When she was younger, she used to drag race in the deserts of Arizona. She was the only girl racing and she never lost once 🏆