“You know, I wasn’t expecting to actually like that movie. So, now, I have no idea what to think of myself.” The two ladies walking in front of me chuckled.
“When do you ever expect something good to happen to you, anyway?”
The smile that had once painted my face slowly withdrew. It was as if someone had drained all ounces of energy I had inside of me.
“I want to grab some candy for the road, come with.”
When do you ever expect something good to happen to you, anyway?
“You guys can go ahead, I’ll catch up in a bit, going to get some air.” The remaining pair looked at each other, Torin rolling her eyes before taking Aubrey by the arm and strolling away.
When do you ever expect something good to happen to you, anyway?
When do you ever expect something good to happen to you, anyway?
Please, I’m almost to the door.
When do you ever expect something good to happen to you, anyway?
My gnawed at lips grasp onto the words as if they’re my last sentence. They barely get past the barricade.
“I don’t!” The door for the theater crashes into itself, feeling the impact of my frustration. My face has contorted into a look of deep anger.
My eyes widen as I pull them up, scanning my surroundings. As I apologize to the couple sitting on the bench next to me, I begrudgingly swipe my hand across my left cheek, the numbness of my fingertips clashing with the heat of my face.
For every second I close my eyes, my heart races in my chest. My head spins and whirs and speeds in all directions, only to center itself with the help of the liquid escaping my eyes.
It’s like I’ve floated away, sunken, no drowned, to the bottom of my mind. My reference point is nothing and everything, the clouds that follow me casting a haze across my vision.
“Em!” The magic has worn off, the fantasies have been shredded before my eyes as I slam down onto reality.
“Oh, shit, sorry. I’m ready.” I speedily blink away the last of my tears and plaster a weak grin onto my face.
The leaves that smoosh underneath the weight of my feet offer an unexpected sense of relief. My senses slowly reconnect with my brain, triggering the last bit of happiness left in me. I wish I could stay in this moment forever.
“Good night, Emmy,” Torin says while she hugs me as tight as ever. “Promise us you won’t be sad tonight. We had a good time, remember that.”
She’s trying, really. She even brings out her award-winning smile for good measure.
“Good night, Torin.” I close my eyes and take in a breath. “And,” I say as I roll my eyes, “I promise I won’t be sad. Thank you.”
She let’s go of my shoulders, bringing her palms together in celebration. “Yay, good! Let’s plan to do this again, okay?” She finishes with another flash of her glistening teeth.
The carpet tickles the bottom of my feet as I drag them across the floor. Everything feels so heavy, I struggle to even breathe. I inhale, exhaling before downing my second glass of wine.
I knew I shouldn’t, but maybe it was the wine. Or maybe it was not being able to stop seeing his face in my head. Or maybe I just love basking in my misfortune. One of them, maybe all three.
But, it started before I could even stop it. My eyes were bombarded with more hot tears as I scrolled and scrolled. It was like ripping open stitch after stitch, until I couldn’t stop the bleeding.
I miss you. I miss you so much.
The water engulfed me, my whole body. The weight was too much to bear, I couldn’t hold on for any longer. The ground caught me as I fell, as if to say, “I’ve got you.” I wailed and wailed and gripped and groped and called out for it to all end, but it wouldn’t. My wishes weren’t, couldn’t be granted.
The tears raced down my cheeks, mouth, chin, they embraced my failing body, my failing heart. They caressed my chest and polished my ears. They watered the floor beneath me as they moistened my clothes. I was sinking and sinking, but there was no one there to save me.
The vibration emerging from my phone startled me. I didn’t want to get up, I couldn’t. I had no power, no strength in me. But, what if it was important? What if someone needed me? What if something bad happened?
I took another breath, short and and exhausted, as I wiped my stained cheeks and nose. Then, I turned over and reached for my device.
I wondered whether I should answer or not, especially given my state. But, something told me to. Something drew me to pick it up.
“Em.” It was a male voice, but I couldn’t make out who it was. My heart began beating again. It increased as I racked my brain for who it could be.
My heart crashed to the floor. The tears washed in, begging to be released.
And to think my night couldn’t get worse.
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