eurus

idk who i am yet

[euruscode]

outgrew my daydreaming phase

i used to daydream like an addict huffing paint. i lived in my head more than anywhere else. i wasted my youth in memories that will never be mine.

i’d love to say i don’t do it anymore but it’s normal to fantasize. i am doing much better than ever before though, i don’t daydream as much anymore.

nowadays i actually have memories to recall and people to spend time with.

i’m often hard on myself by saying that nothing has changed these past few years, but they have. i’ve never been happier. i’m actually living for once

[euruscode]

i realize my biggest motivation is romanticizing things i do, with the catch being consumerism

i’ve been putting off organizing my desk since i don’t even know when. april or may was probably the last time i used my desk properly. there’s dust all over and it’s pathetic

the only thing motivating me rn is an organizer i ordered. i don’t want to buy something everytime i have a responsibility. i’m going broke from this.

i really want to stop the cycle of procrastination without constant consumption

[euruscode]

To be (go buy clothes and makeup) or not to be (become anti-capitalist and reject my impulses) that is the question

[euruscode]

i’m scared to check my screen time, i know its bad..

i used to pride myself with the fact that i dont have any vices; no alcohol, no cigarettes, no drugs. hell, i don’t even drink coffee. yet, i find myself so attached to this black rectangle because my brain likes 15 second reel stimuli. im rotting away like a zombie to a black rectangle.

it’s a shame because i’m too talented for this. i love to draw, sew, bake, and so much more. i shouldn’t spend my time wasting away, turning seconds into hours, hours into days.

i tried to delete the apps before but that’s deprivation, not self control. i want to have all these temptations on my phone and not touch any of them. i’m starting that journey with this blog. i’m gonna start recording my thoughts, hobbies and interests on here for anyone to see (but it’s gonna really be all for me :p)

this is my main social media from now on, i hope i won’t forget to post