[sovietnam]

[relelvance]

[illegalaustralien]

[avantgardejazz-deactivated20220]

what did frosty the snowman do other than come to life, do a little dance, then die

[sexhaver]

isn’t that all anyone ever does, really

[theshitneyspears]

I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND IT TO HIM WHY DID HE OPEN IT

[shigure]

literally paramore was right

[nransworld]

about…?

[shigure]

name one thing paramore was wrong about

ill wait

[flip-this-table]

GUYS.

HE HAS CLAIMED HIS RIGHTFUL TITLE.

[ruinedchildhood]

[veryfunnymemes]

[goosekuraleap-deactivated202102]

I see no difference in energy here

[pleasequietdown]

No Noise November. everyone shut up

[darrenpillowscriss]

To the customers who apologize repeatedly for “bothering” me, or offer to clean up their own spill if I just get them some paper towels, or walk all the way around an aisle so as not to disturb me when I’m blocking their path, I just want to reassure you that you are NOT the annoying customer we complain about in retail. You are very kind and you clearly respect me and my time and I appreciate you. Also I am happy to help you with whatever you need and it is not at all a bother.

To the customer who shouted “EGGS?” at me from twenty feet away because apparently it was just too much trouble to come a few steps closer and use a complete sentence like “where are the eggs, please?”: fuck you.

[alexander]

this is my fucking favorite vine and it took me so long to find it, very underappreciated

[trainthief]

me, circa early 1800s, paying a stable boy a few coppers to ride overnight to deliver you an urgent letter with a thick wax seal that after you struggle to break it just says “bitch!” in tiny little writing 

[literallyaflame]

I wanna destroy the culture of “women have to wear makeup to be considered presentable” and replace it with “makeup is a fun accessory that allows u to have horribly fake purple lips and green eyelids if u want yee haw who wants some glitter on their nose” who’s with me on this

[twa2]

Women have to wear makeup to be considered presentable. End of discussion.

[literallyaflame]

i know you probably just wanna make me Mad to get attention and i’m playing into your hands by even RESPONDING but i just

you’re old enough to be my fuckin DAD and you’re running THIS tumblr???? really?????????? this is the smallest dick energy i’ve ever seen

[twa2]

No way I’m fucking you unless you have good eye liner

[literallyaflame]

no comeback i make could possibly be as funny as your entire existence holy shit i’m losing it

[alexander]

This just in: no one wants to sleep with you anyways!

[taurusqueer-deactivated20200607]

Tonight at work I asked this man how he was doing and he responded with “That’s a personal question” and like wow what a mood

[twilightisgaynow]

new high school classmate: so what’s your name

renesmee: renesmee

new classmate: that’s… interesting

renesmee: my mom was on crack when she named me

bella, sitting literally two seats away: 

[sangotori]

I’m so concerned that this post implies Bella and Edward will attend high school again with their own daughter

[twilightisgaynow]

youre goddamn right thats what im implying

[toastbutteregg]

this

[tastefullyoffensive]

[sweet-bitsy]

HE’S SO SMART AND EVIL

[miiriya]