Michelle Nicole

I am Michelle. I am 26. The last time I was on here was when I was 21. I am now married and a mommy to the most beautiful baby girl in the world. I married the guy I met in 2017. And we had our beautiful baby in 2019. Any questions, just ask.

[evernicole123]

What Do You Do?

People who know me know that I am a very caring person. But there are things in life that may be hard right now. But you can't give up. You have to work hard in life to do better. There is something I see every day in the great area of C-U and it honestly is frustring. Before you bad mouth me or anything, I am a really caring person. Just seeing someone in a position that I know, with some hard work you can get yourself out of.

What I am talking about is the panhandlers. If you don’t know what that means, its people begging at the side of the road. Everyone is going to go through a hard time in your life. I keep seeing more and more people panhandling because they must think “I don’t need a job, I can beg people for money or make people for bad for me.” 

You can get out of that situation!! You have to get off your lazy butt and work for what you want in life. You are in one of the biggest cities in the state of Illinois. You literally have THOUSANDS of job oppurtunities!! To get anywhere in life you have to work hard!!! I have seen multiple different people sitting by the exits with signs that say, “Hard times, anything helps, God Bless,” or “Veteran, hard times, please help” and then they hold up their military ID. I see that, but there are THOUSANDS of places around the C-U area that will help veterans going through tough times. They will have a place for you to stay when it’s cold and they will have the resources to help find housing, a job and transportation. 

In this day and age, people don’t want to work there butt off. They want to sit on the sidelines and make people feel sorry for them. Like I said, I am a very nice and caring person. But honestly, you got yourself there. You have to work to get yourself out of that situtation. 

I have worked hard in life to get where I am. That is what my mom taught me. You need to put in the effort to get the outcome you want in life. I have had a job since I was 16. I have worked at Walmart. Culvers, Dairy Queen, a school, a hospital, a funeral home, and a store called Rural King. I have struggled with money last year, like most have due to all the covid stuff. But I kept going. I have gone through hell and back the last few years and not too many people know in depth what we have dealt with.

Here’s the thing, I kept going. I have struggled. I have cried. I have wanted to give up. I have felt unimportant. I have felt abandoned. I have felt alone. Once I surrounded myself with good people who care about me and understand the truth about our whole situation, things got better. I have a good job, I have an amazing husband, I have a beautiful daughter, I have a car and a house, clothes, warmth, and love. I have some of the best things in life, because I worked hard. 

You got yourself in that situation, get yourself out. There are resources, you just have to find them.

[evernicole123]

Advice For My Daughter

Today is the end of one of the hardest years we have gone though. A lot of stuff happened with our family, we lost your Great Uncle Donnie, your Great-Great Aunt Betty and our cousin Damon. It seems that this year depression has been over constantly. What we have learned this year is you have to keep going. 

Josilyn, it will be a while before you read this but I want to give you some advice. If we ever have to endure a year like this you cannot give up. We haven’t given up no matter how hard it has got for us. We have Aunt Jazz and Uncle Tryston to help us out. They have been there for us the most. Your cousin Evelyn really missed you this year. One day you will know what we went through and how we continued to fight. 

The year is 2020. You will learn about it one day. It was rough. Australlia burned. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle quit the royal family. The covid-19 pandemic hit. A famous athlete and his daughter passed away in a crash as well as some other people. People rioted over the death of a man of a different color and caused mass hysteria. Murder hornets arrived in the states. California and Washington’s coasts burned. Alex Trebek passed away and one day you will know that name. You will even hear the stories of the toilet paper sortages nationwide in the year 2020. 

You have to keep pushing forward. No matter how bad life may get or how much you struggle in life, “Fight on Fighter.” It will be okay and things will get better. You are so strong, you are so smart and you can do whatever you want to in life. You can do it. And you will have your whole family standing beside you and cheering you on. 

[evernicole123]

Depression is Real

This is going to be a very long post but in my opinion, it may be worth the read.

Depression is a subject not many want to talk about, let alone want others to know they deal with. It’s hard to deal with. I know that. I experience that almost on a daily basis. But lately its been getting really bad. 

You may ask, how do you know that? Well, I know it because I am becoming less talkative, more quiet, more reserved, not as hungry, always tired, body aches, and not wanting to shower. Instead of going out to eat with my husband’s parents, I wanted to stay home and sleep. I didn’t want to interact with others even with the people I am close with.

Your next question may be, well how do you cope with it? Some people take anti-depressants, other times their isn’t a way to, you just learn to deal with it on a daily basis. You surround yourself with people who understand it. That is a big thing a lot of people don’t understand: what works for me, may not work for you. 

Well how do you know if someone understands it? What a lot of people don’t understand is that quite a few people deal with it. Sometimes you get close to friends or in my case, co-workers and start trusting them with sensitive information. I know a lot of people there deal with it because of a shared experience one time.

One day, I forgot to take my medicine. It was rough. I was on edge, I was anxious, I was distant, I was not talking, I was pacing and then I lost it and broke down crying and shaking. Not everyone’s reactions to it are the same either. What my reactions to being overwhelmed are will be different from someone else’s. 

The first thing I did when I got to work was tell my manager that I have gotten close with, that I forgot to take my medicine. And he told me to let him know if it gets worse. When I first got there, I had a buddy in back booth (they put two people in back booth during the morning peak periods because it will get super busy.) Well I was rocking back and fourth and pacing. My buddy could tell something was off and asked me if I was okay. I just shook my head. My buddy and I are the best tag team and we are always back there together so I let him know what was going on. And you could tell he cared and said he totally understands what I was dealing with.

Well he gets sent to break and when he was supposed to come back from break, I was back there alone. I did my best to handle it because I was telling myself I can do this. And it was only going to be for 30 minutes. I was able to handle it. Well then he was supposed to come back from break and he was sent home. Then I lost it. I was alone to do headset, cash and dishes. That was my breaking point, even though I was able to handle it for 30 minutes. 

Luckily, my husband was there and I was able to get his attention to get the manager who I told that I didn’t take my medicine. I was trying so hard not to break down and cry since I had people on the headset. As soon as the manager came back there and asked if I was okay I just broke down. He just hugged me and told me its okay. I have never had a manager like that before. He jumped into action and got someone else to cover me so I could get out of there. He understands depression because a few people he is close with deals with it. After I was sitting in the break room, a couple other people I am close to came back and gave me hugs and they both told me, “I understand what you’re dealing with.” 

Depression is real. People handle it different. It doesn’t make you weak. It does, however make you stronger than you think. Everyone’s day to day life factors how it affects their life. You cannot just say, you’ll get over it. The real, hard truth about dealing with depression and anxiety: IT IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT!!! It’s not one of those things that you can just “deal with.” It takes strength to deal with. And a heck of a lot of it.

So why am I sharing this story? To make more people aware of it. To let others know: You are not alone. I am not ashamed of it. I am not weak. I am not just sad. The best way to describe it: I am fighting a silent battle, every day, every night, all the time. I just don’t show it as much.

If you know the actual battles I am facing, know that I trust you enough to let you into a literal dark part of my life. If you don’t know, then you never will because there is a reason for someone not knowing about what is going on.

Thank you for reading all the way through.

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS

[evernicole123]

Best Friend’s Keeper

We all have friend’s. Some are closer than others. Let me tell you about my best friend. One who was gone way too soon.

My best friend, Devon, was only 16 years old when he left us. He has three younger sisters. They are basically family to me as well. 

Devon was one of those people you just had to know to really know how special he was. He was funny, sweet, caring, and understanding. He truly cared about his friends and his momma was number 1 in his life. He helped her with his three younger sisters. He was the one who always tried to make others laugh. That's what he did for me.

Devon and I were apart of a group at our church. He was one of the only guys in our group and I will admit a majority of us girls were crazy about him. We loved him. We all had a crush on him. But I later found out who he actually did like more than the others. 

Devon was so caring. I can remember one time I wasn’t at school. And he could have easily texted me. He went a step further than that. He walked from the high school in our hometown, Effingham, to where I lived, by Watson just to make sure I was okay. He was such a special person. 

One thing I regret not doing though, when I was looking for pictures of Devon to put on my photocollage, I realized I didn’t have any of just me and him. Luckily we were by each other in these pictures so I was able to crop out everyone else. Mostly.

He was gone too soon. And to this day, his passing is one I have never gotten over. He passed away in 2011 and I still blame myself for him not being here. 

If only I knew. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBeoc_qMBMk

Here’s the link for the video I made for him.

[evernicole123]

Nothing is Impossible

Actually that’s a lie. At work today I was trying to run back booth by myself. Usually in the mornings there are two people because it gets so crazy busy when people are on their way to class or work or taking the kids to school.

Well today I was alone in back booth. I was taking orders and cashing them out. Plus trying to do dishes which usually need to be done by 1 or 1.30 at the latest. Make up the salad bags which require a plastic wear set wrapped in a napkin and a dressing (there were 4 different kinds) and the oatmeal bags which get a spoon wrapped in a napkin, diced apples and dried fruits, all while trying to keep the times low. But we got slammed. It was crazy!

Yeah my day has flown by so far but it was really stressing me out trying to do everything at the same time and not make managers mad. I did pretty good for the most part.

I was really relieved when I got to go to break. I’ve had some really nice customers come through drive through. And someone even complimented me that I was moving pretty fast for how busy they were. Which always makes a person feel good.

I love my job and the people I work with (well most of them). But you have that at any job you do. And I absolutely love my customers. Some of them know my name which makes me smile, some of them have given me a nickname, some of them I get to sign with, and some of them are very frequent so I see them every single day I work so I start learning their names as well.

Hopefully today goes well. So far so good!

[evernicole123]

Rescued

So back in September of 2019, I rescued my new dog. Her name is Layla Rae. She is one of the best dogs I think I have ever had. She is sweet and smart and just the perfect balance for our family.

Before I rescued her, I was always anxious and depressed and just didn’t feel like myself. I cried a lot. I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to stay home. I already had Bailey at home but she’s 10 years old, doesn’t play anymore, doesn’t cuddle and is scared of just about anything. I love my Bailey Ann so we decided just to rescue Layla and then have Bailey as well. Bailey has been an only dog for the past 8 years. I can also see a difference in Bailey since we got Layla.

Layla and Bailey argue like any other siblings. Bailey will growl and bark at Layla if she doesn’t like what she’s doing. One example is when Layla is constantly jumping on and off the bed, and Bailey will be under the bed. She didn’t like Layla jumping on the bed so she would run out from under the bed and growl and huff at Layla. So other than that, they get along pretty well.

For Layla’s size, you would think she would bark and growl and try to attack anything that’s smaller. Since I rescued her, I have only heard her bark maybe three or four times. She’s very gentle with Bailey. She never attacks her or barks at her or growls at her or even snaps at her. Bailey on the other hand thinks she’s the big dog and does all of that to Layla. Layla never responds back. She just lets Bailey be, well Bailey. 

So in the end rescuing is a better decision then shopping or getting a puppy. We absolutely love her. My husband and I are both a lot happier. Bailey even seems happier. 

Who rescued who?

[evernicole123]

Back to School

I graduated high school in 2012. I graduated college in 2016. Now I plan on going back to college for something completely different. My mom wanted me to be a nurse like her. My dad wanted me to be a funeral director like him. I wanted to go into something with special education. Now my path has completely changed.

I decided I want to become a sign language interpreter. Sign language is the 4th most used language. And it’s something I love doing.

I cannot wait to tell you more!!

[evernicole123]

Happily Ever After

In 2017 I met my amazing husband. His name is Quinten. He was quiet and shy. But there was something different about him. He made me so happy when I first met him. He just had something about him that I never have seen in anyone ever before. In 2018 we got engaged when we found out I was pregnant. We got married in 2019. and here we are still happy as day one in 2020.

I still feel like I did when I first met him in 2017. I feel like he sort of saved me. I was still super emotional about loosing my best friend. I was going through a really bad break up and I honestly wanted to just give up. I am so glad I didn’t. He has made me feel like me again. Happy, energetic, special, like I belong somewhere. I have never felt that way before.

I know he is who I am meant to be with. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

[evernicole123]

Finally Back

So its 2020, and I am finally back on here. I have a heck of a lot that's been going on. I know not many people use this much. But I’ll try to post weekly.

[evernicole123]

Isn't it strange how some of the littlest things make the biggest impact? Tonight I was with my fiancé. We were getting rid of some old wood from our house. We started a fire and sat on the trampoline. Then we heard a faint noise. It was a tiny meow. We looked up and there was this little kitty sitting in a yard just staring at us. So we did what everyone else who would see a cat did. You guessed it, we started calling here kitty kitty. We at first thought it would just stay there or would turn around and walk off. It did the exact opposite!!! It came closer and each time we called it, it would meow saying pretty much "I'm coming!!" We sat down on the ground and we found out it was a she. So she came up to us, meowed and then we heard her purr. We were so happy!! Later my parents showed up and we thought she would run off. Nope, she followed us!!! She came and met my parents and brothers. She got a little food too. We went in for the night and everyone left. Usually a stray cat would run off. We went inside to watch doctor who and we heard her meow outside because she wanted in. Two hours later, we go back outside and we were looking for her under the car. Then we heard it!! A faint little meow. She stayed!!! She jumped out of a tree and came to see us before we left!!! We named her Angel. She appeared out of no where, was so sweet, she was pretty white, and she needed love. We named her Angel and we will care for her as long as she stays "home."

[evernicole123]

Listen Up

Guys listen up!!! Do not be disrespectful to a woman!!! I don’t deserve being called a b**** when all I said was nope because some jerk wanted me to kik him and all I said was nope, I don’t have it anymore and I don’t plan on getting it back. Well I would gladly kick him. People are so disrespectful, some, to me just because I am engaged. I am nice to people who message me, mostly. I get rude when people say that my fiancé shouldn’t matter. News flash, he is the most important person to me in the world. If you can’t say anything nice, or respectful, then don’t bother talking to me!! I did nothing wrong. Look up a movement called Respect and Honor that was started by For KINGS And Country, then talk to me when you learn how to be respectful.

[evernicole123]

Thursday December 18, I had my 4 wisdom teeth removed. Today, my cheeks are still a little swollen and I still look like a little chipmunk but I am okay with that. Apparently after it all happened, I kept sticking my tongue out at my mom on the ride home. Then we stopped by to see my dad and I stuck my tongue at my dad. When i did get home, I threw up blood twice but was fine after that. I ate jello, tomato soup, ice cream and even Ritz crackers. I am able to break the crackers and let them sit in my mouth. Its the only actual food I have ate. When it was time to go back and get ready, I only remember crying when they took my one hand off my teddy bear that my boyfriend got me so they could look at my arm to start an iv. And I also was crying because they were moving the one they stuck first around and it hurt. I then told them the last time I had surgery they started an iv on my hand. She tried it, got it started and I said I told you so. After everything was over, I don't remember being woke up, moved to the wheelchair, my jacket being put on and the ride home. The only thing I remember after sitting in the wheelchair was asking the nice nurse to help me put on chapstick. And just holding my teddy bear rascal. But I am doing better today.

[evernicole123]

I got bored so I made a cake and decorated it. How does it look?

[evernicole123]

Bullying: How It Has Affected Me

Bullying is something we hear about all the time. This is my view point of bullying. Feel free to express yours, but I don't want to hear anything mean or rude.

This is my second video I made tonight.

[evernicole123]

New video on youtube!!!

[evernicole123]

I Am Still Alive

Sorry I've been away. A lot of stuff has happened. Keep tuning in and I will talk to you later!!

New video!!!! Be sure to check it out :)

[evernicole123]

Grandma Vera

Ever love someone so much you don't want to let them go but you know it would be best if they did go? My grandma has been  very sick. She is giving up. She vomits blood, can't talk, won't eat, won't drink, and her kidneys are shutting down. As much as I don't want her to go, she would be so much happier. I'm one who believes in God and Jesus and Heaven. And when she does pass she will go to heaven. And she will be able to walk and dance again.

My cousin says he imagines her being in her 20s. Young, beautiful, and happy. That she will look like she did when she first met my grandpa. And when she does go she will be with him again, after being apart for over 30 years. And you can tell that she truly loved him. She never went looking for another guy again.

I also know when she goes to heaven she will be with her mom and dad Iva and Granville. And she will be with all 4 of her sisters; Barbra, Bernice, Reba and Beulah. And one brother I know of: Nobel. There are 9 in all.  And she will also be with her baby girl Shirley who passed away from cancer at the age of 2.

When I went to see her last night, I told her I loved her. And she said it back to me just barely getting it out. I turned away after kissing her forehead, went to my mom and broke down crying. Knowing that may be the last words I will ever hear her say to me.

My grandma was an amazing woman. She kept a secret from my brothers and I for over 20 years when people now these days can't keep anything a secret. She made the greatest pies in the world. She always had pie or cookies bakes for me and my cousins. Most of my preschool days with my cousin were always spent with her. I spent most of my younger nights with her. And she would always tell the greatest stories. And being younger I loved that.

The one memory I believe everyone will remember for the rest of their lives would be the time when she  "married" me and my cousin Travis. We were in preschool and always together. We walked to one side of the living room, and face her. She'd sing the bridal march and my cousin and I walked towards her. After that, if one of us was in the other room, for instance, in was in the toy room and Travis was in the kitchen. I called for him and my grandma said, "Travis, your girlfriend is calling you." He, in turn, said "she's not !y girlfriend she's my wife."

I will always love you grandma. And I may cry but I know I will see you again one day.