As of recently within the last year my partner realized he was plural, which was obviously a big thing for him. I love him dearly and have made it very clear I want to stay with him and that I want to figure this whole thing out together. I’ve been doing research on systems and checking out blogs and posts about it but the one thing that has been missing is one of the things that might be the most helpful and encouraging to hear. Another person who made it work. I get if this is a big ask but if you do have the time and would like to I was just wondering-
Is there anything that you’d say was important to you when it came to dating someone who is a system? Or like like advice you’d have for someone who really just wants to be the best partner I can be for him and the rest of the system?
i think the best advice i could give is to meet him where hes at.
honestly its how i approach most relationships in my life. while most people are not systems they do change, and you cant cling to what you thought you knew about a person forever or youll find them growing and changing without you. imo thats how you get people talking about break ups or falling outs with others where they go "its like they were a different person..." i mean they probably were compared to when you first met them but thats not necessarily a bad thing?
example, i know something that bothers my partner specifically (because of being a system) is pointing out inconsistencies with memories, or likes/interests in an accusatory way. if someone is fronting that i didnt realize was fronting and **i** assume that whoever is front likes eggs for breakfast or something, and it turns out that they dont or it isnt who i thought was fronting, im not going to get mad and be like "what do you mean?? you do like eggs" thats kind of stupid, you cant help your food preferences or aversions, what i would do is meet them where theyre at, aka check in to figure out what to make instead.
or if theyre telling a story, and it sounds different than how i remember it being told before, its probably because someone else is fronting. id rather listen and learn their perspective than challenge it and possibly have them shut down and just not talk to me about it?
i know it sounds simple, but you have to remember its like being in a relationship with multiple people theyre just all in one body. everyone is going to have different opinions, perspectives, likes and dislikes etc. they might even have different opinions and boundaries regarding your relationship (which you are also allowed to have). i think keeping that in mind makes navigating it easier.
