Jaxon was still Jaxon under it all, it just rarely shone through anymore. But in moments like this you could indeed see the playfulness and joy that had been lost in him. For a moment, he felt free, free from it all. Free from the grief, the pain, the loss. Pain that had become so great that Jaxon had attempted to...ah well perhaps that's better left unsaid for now. Either way, right now he was happy. Nothing else mattered in this very moment. He just, even if it was for just a moment, felt free from all the pain and guilt that consumed him. Guilt that somehow Chrome's death was his fault. That if he never left it wouldn't have happend. He blamed himself.
When he had died, a part of this Jaxon had died with him. A part he thought he'd never see again. But for a fleeting moment, it was back. That carefree nature, that playfulness, it had returned. Something that was lost in him, it felt good. He felt like himself again. Maybe they weren't one, but he sure felt like it sometimes to this Jaxon with how much it had hurt seeing him go somewhere where he could not follow. That's what made it so important to see Chrome again, any Chrome. Seeing him alive brought back that light in him that had become so dim. It made life seem worth it again. It was complicated, all of this was very complicated, this Jaxon's emotions and feelings, it would be hard to understand. There was still so much he was hiding and holding back.
Even if Chrome himself couldn't pinpoint why he'd be missed so dearly by somebody, it didn't change the fact that he was. It didn't change that fact at all. Somebody would always mourn him, and this Jaxon was living proof of somebody who mourned too hard. Chrome was wanted, if not by anybody else, this Jaxon would always want him. Too much maybe, but want him none the less. There was a bit more going on there but it hardly mattered right now. This was all that mattered right now. The warmth. He focused so hard on it. The feeling of him, how he was alive in front of him. That was what he needed, that was what he wanted.
Jaxon really missed him. It was obvious. He didn't care what Chrome had done, it didn't matter to him. He just wanted him alive, he just want him in front of him. It wasn't like this Jaxon was innocent, not anymore, he too had done things. But it didn't matter. He liked Chrome. Whatever he does, he will not judge, even if he really should. He didn't care. He really didn't care. It didn't matter to him. It should, it really should matter but it doesn't change the fact that it doesn't. That's just how it was right now. That's just how this Jaxon felt.
Though Jaxon was still worried, his anxieties eased the longer they stayed like this. He was already feeling much better then he had been earlier. Much happier, much freer. Nothing else mattered. That's what he kept repeating to himself. This was good. He looked at him, he smiled. He felt genuine joy. That much was clear by the look on his face. He felt relaxed. He breathed out a sigh. His body had been so tense for so long and he hardly even realized it until he had a moment to just breathe. Not that he didn't have moments to breathe, but he hardly felt like he could take a full breath sometimes. This was different. A good different of course.
Jaxon nodded when Chrome said he needed new clothes. Yeah he probably did. He really needed to wash what he was wearing. But as previously mentioned today has just been a day for him, he didn't have time to worry about any of that nonsense. Well clean clothes wasn't exactly nonsense, but compared to everything else Jaxon had been feeling and doing, it sure as hell felt like nonsense. He'd get to it when he gets to it he would say to himself.
"That's nice of you. I mean I've already attracted a lot of unwanted attention but I appreciate it. Not because of my clothes but for...other reasons." He would say. Getting new clothes was probably something he really needed, and Chrome would be there with him, right? He did say HE would get him new clothes. How exciting was that!
Jaxon hardly thought of the other version of himself right now. He was focused on this very moment. Too focused on the present. Who knows how that would go? But it simply just wasn't on his mind right now, so many other things were though. Jaxon himself wouldn't even be sure how he'd react if Chrome was taken away by another verison of himself even if you outright asked him! Too much to think about there. He would certainly feel very conflicted though. How are you suppose to feel in that kind of moment? Logically nobody should have a real answer for that, because you wouldn't be expected to be prepared for something having to do with another you.
When Chrome said he'd give him his jacket, Jaxon was silent for awhile. He processed it in his head. Chrome's jacket? Ah well-
That certainly did something. He looked away and mumbled something to him before he'd look back and just nod silently.
Of course the silence wouldn't last as he'd let out a small "Ok...thanks..." but he would go silent again after that. For what reason? Who really knew, but it didn't seem like a bad thing. He was still smiling.
He watched as Chrome removed his jacket, his eyes following every clumsy movement the other blader made. It was kinda funny to watch actually. He chuckled a little, as much as he tried not to. The sound escaped him. He was clearly amused by Chrome's struggle to remove his jacket while still holding his hand. He could've just let go entirely, yet he went through the effort not to. That was something he really appreciated.
When Chrome would say he would be letting go while he put on the jacket, he let out a bit of an unsure breath but ultimately nodded.
"Yeah that's...that makes sense ok. Thank you. For the jacket I mean I-" He seemed a little sheepish for some reason. Like there were other thoughts on his mind as he just kinda stared at him before he'd end up taking the jacket to put on.
He would put the jacket on, which of course ended up being big on him, but he didn't seem to care as he would hug himself tightly for a moment while a strange smile on his face. It seemed goofy. Clearly he was very happy.
