Main thing I wanted to talk about involves the fact my innerself. Like when you picture yourself in your head? Yeah that? Well I still picture my 7yr old self. Maybe they were the most real version of myself before I got "trained" how to behave.
Grew up when the adults still thought "kids are meant to be seen not heard". Which y'know, means a child isn't seen at all.
When I went grocery shopping, well anytime I go grocery shopping and don't have to count every single cent. I just sorta- roleplay in my mind that I have my 7yr old self with me in the grocery store. We go through the isles and pick things. And if my food sensitivity and/or appetite repulse is acting up... It feels less bad to pick so many simple easy foods? Like I can bargain and talk with myself to get healthy, decent priced, and easy meals in one go. Plus... My innerchild is so happy and excited to explore. Especially without the fear of... Everything, that would be involved when I went with my parents back then.
I can explain why we get certain things and skip others. When we can find something to splurge on. And if they aren't interested in any foods of a certain type I can ask them if they'd like to pick one cause maybe future us will like it.
It's relaxing and fun.
I wonder how much different it would be if the people in the store imagined me parenting an excited 7yr old instead of me just being tall, intimidating with a resting asshat face.
Alas, anyway I am proud of kiddo me. They were really well behaved, and I dunno. Telling them I love them after they called me silly in the pasta sauce isle was just- i dunno. The kinda positive interaction I wish I could've lived through.
Oh that... I kinda wanna cry?
I, hmm, to phrase it "I love you" just felt like something people said. To falsify Intimacy, nothing else. Just a reminder you are tied to them.
But i dunno. It feels different. Peh, how pathetic I wanna cry over myself saying I love myself. What a dork. I still love them, my inner child. They are trying, we'll get through this. Eventually. I hope.