I am? @evilwrongdoer - Tumblr Blog

Pink in the Night

Notes: i wrote this like... a year ago ish? dont remember everything abt it and im not about to proofread it again because i KNOW i did at least once or twice, anyway yeah this is inspired by pink in the night by mitski, enjoy. edit: i tried reading it actually its so cringe wow i hate this but like idk someone else might like it? also the projecting is craaazzzyyyy.

wordcount: 2.7k

synopsis: reader is an unclaimed demigod in the cabin of hermes, lost in life and fucking exhausted in general. unexpected claiming by an even more unexpected goddess. self love and that.

warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, self harm if you squint and general self hatred depressed teen stuff.

^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_

I awoke.

In the morning sun, my skin seemed to almost glow as I stared at the ceiling in awe.

Another day at camp, another day in the Hermes cabin, unclaimed and unknown, just like so many other children here. They sleep in bunks or on the floor, just as alone and longing as I am. It makes me sad. It makes me feel almost loathing for the godly parent I am supposed to have, supposed to know, and supposed to attempt to please.

I rise from my bed, in the same way I have done for almost a month now

At sixteen years old, it's almost impossible to think there ever will be a purpose for me.

A demigod child, forever hunted, unclaimed and unloved by anyone who isn't here in this forgotten camp alongside me.

A family and a life I never thought I would have. I would have hoped more for myself. Instead, now, a long forlorn high school education lies behind me, one I will never pick up again. A future and a life I will never be able to bring to fruition in a world where no monster in a hundred mile radius doesn't come looking for me. Sometimes, I wish they'd come. Sometimes, I wish I would let them take me, bring me to somewhere where maybe I would have a shred of peace and be able to rest.

But instead, I sit here, at the foot of my bed, surrounded by sleeping bodies of all ages and an endless void of silence.

I head down to the community showers after picking up my toiletry bag with a quiet sigh.

The water is warm, as expected, after I meticulously cleaned the entire cabin yesterday morning.

I let the water run over me, the feeling of it against my skin softer to the touch than anything had been in the last year.

For a moment, I can almost pretend as if the world is mine. As if I am but a simple mortal girl taking a shower before beginning her day in a world that doesn't hate her for simply existing, a world that lets her live in peace.

Nearly a month, I have been here, and still, I haven't gotten used to it. I should be grateful for having a safe place to stay, a roof over my head, and food to eat. Yet I feel only resentment. for the gods, for the abominations in Tartarus that have hunted me for so long with no luck in finally killing me. Still, there are children in the Hermes cabin who have been unclaimed for longer than I have, so maybe I should be more hopeful for the future that lies ahead.

But really, how hopeful can I be? what kind of twisted future could possibly lie ahead of me, someone who is hunted more often than not, to the point where my sword feels heavy in my hand with the lives I have taken.

I should think I am a child of someone who wields much power in olympus, with the things that have been chasing me for so long, but something inside me tells me that's not true. Something tells me I'd know exactly who my godly parent was if only I looked for the signs instead of letting the world decide for me. But what good is knowing if I am not claimed, if my godly parent clearly doesn't care enough to say it to my face?

I rinse the remainder of suds off of my skin before turning off the water, squeezing my wet hair to remove as much moisture as I can from it.

I exit the shower stall, pulling the curtain shut behind me, and pick my large pink towel off the hook on the wall. I wrap the towel around my body, reclaiming my decency on the off chance that someone might walk in while I am still exposed for the world to see. I gently scrunch my hair with my other towel, the smaller one I use for my head.

I made the conscious decision to swing by a bed, bath and beyond and pick up everything I'd need of toiletries before coming to camp, so as to not have to use some crusty towel or cheap shampoo from the big house storage just to get myself clean. I ended up with a set of two large pink towels and two small pink towels, as well as quality shampoos and conditioners and all kinds of other things stolen from the department store.

The Stoll brothers suggested that I might be one of the Hermes kids after I casually mentioned the numerous heists I had performed on my way to camp, but we determined that if this was the case, I would've probably been claimed by now.

I dried my hair with my blow drier, also pink and stolen from bed bath and beyond, and got dressed in my camp shirt and some baggy, knee length shorts.

I curled some pieces of my newly dyed black hair, an impulse I acted on in a random gas station bathroom on my way to camp. When I finished, my bangs were curled perfectly, cupping my head, and my face framing bits were twisted away from my face, making me look poised and well put together even in my camp outfit and in the harsh light of the bathroom mirror.

I returned to the Hermes cabin and put away my things, hanging up my towels on the drying rack outside before entering.

Now, all that was left was my makeup, and I'd be ready for another day of activities and training.

I sat down at the only vanity in the entire cabin, conveniently placed there by order of the other girls in the cabin after they claimed that there was simply no good place to get ready in here. The Hermes counselor, Luke, begrudingly had it put there after his statement that 'The bathroom mirrors are perfectly good for getting ready.' had accidentally started a dispute between him and the girls.

I chuckled quietly at the thought as I plucked my makeup bag from my travel duffel and sat down at the vanity, spreading out my various makeup products on the table in front of me.

Before beginning my routine, I gave myself a look in the mirror.

I looked beautiful

I always seemed to look that way. So put together and elegant even in the worst hours of the night when I pulled my hair out of my scalp strand by strand and wished I was only a spirit and not a person with a body. This godforsaken, cumbersome, and heavy body. This body betrays me with every heartbeat and every sign that I am, somehow, still alive.

I stare in the mirror as I tell myself that I love myself.

I love her, despite everything she's been through; despite the hatred and pain she's suffered. Despite all the times I've almost suffered death at my own hand. Despite all of the wounds that healed almost too perfectly. I shine.

I tell myself I love me.

I love you.

I even say it in my head, over and over again.

I love you, I love you. I love you.

Even whisper it quietly.

I love you.

Finally, the cabin around me begins to wake and starts preparing for the day, just as I have been for the past hour.

I pick up my primer and begin carefully tapping it into my face, watching as my features garner a soft glow.

Then, I swipe just a bit of concealer over the various imperfections on my face. Everywhere but the eye bags. They are my defining characteristic. They frame me for what I am, a demigod. A tortured child of the gods, just like everyone else here.

Almost the whole cabin is awake now, buzzing around me carefully as those who have yet to rise still snore softly.

I apply my mascara and the light eyeliner I wear every day.

I dab on some red eyeshadow right under my water line, careful not to get it in my eye.

Then, I spritz on my favorite perfume, it smells like sweet, sticky summer popsicles and an unrequited love I can never seem to forget. It smells like silver hoop earrings, sunglasses, and hard lemonade on the beach at sunset.

I finish up with my favorite lip tint, a soft, almost blood like lip oil with a glossy nonstick finish. It's the one I've been wearing for years, my perfect color, it matches my skin tone perfectly and compliments all my other features, making the green in my eyes pop, and it's pretty much the same color as my eyeshadow.

As I carefully tap it onto my lips with my finger, I notice it looks slightly pink.

Pink? Did I accidentally pick up the wrong tint? No, I can see the red color clearly under the pink.

..Under the pink?

The entire cabin is awake now as I finish up my makeup, buzzing around me with a sort of eager drowsiness, ready for the day ahead of them.

I squint at my lips in the mirror as I move my finger away to get a better look at them. A soft, pinkish glow seems to be emitting from my lips?

I look up into my eyes, only to notice that they are also emitting a soft, pink hue.

In fact, a halo of pink surrounds my hair and pierces between every strand. It shines through my curtain bangs and covers my shoulders like a soft glow.

It looks almost like an aura. I'm not in front of a white background, though? And even if I was, I know for a fact my aura is not pink.

The pink around me seems to be growing stronger and stronger, almost as if it's coming from inside of me.

For a split second, I wonder if my eyes are playing tricks on me, if I've finally gone crazy to the point where there is no turning back.

I begin to feel the glow, surrounding me with the powerful scent of my memory filled perfume and the warmth and safety of a home I haven't seen in ages.

I feel it on the inside, too, filling my heart and my hollow chest with what feels like knowledge. Something I know, something I've always known but never knew that I knew. You know?

I look down at my hands and see the pure pink glow surround my fingers, growing deeper and brighter with every second. For a second, I almost wonder if I'm about to explode like a glitter bomb.

Maybe this is a prank? Another one of those stupid kid's jokes that the Stoll brothers always pull. I look up in the mirror again and realize I am quite literally bursting with pink light, the feeling both on the inside and outside of my body amplifying with every second I sit here and stare at myself.

I get up in a rush, pushing the chair out from under me with a jarring scraping sound, and turn around.

I am once again staring at my hands as I face the rest of the cabin, and when I look up, I realize Luke is looking straight at me.

So are the Stolls, Chris Rodriguez, and everyone else.

Good, they see it too.

I'm not crazy.

They all ogle at me, eyes wide and mouths lightly agape.

In that moment, as I stare at the eerily quiet Hermes cabin before me, I hear a whisper.

It somehow manages to be in my ears, in my head, and coming from right behind me all at the same time.

The voice of a woman, sweet and tender, almost like a mother.

She whispers one word, more softly than I could ever fathom.

"Aphrodite."

Then, the glow begins to fade quicker than it ever came to be.

And finally, I understand.

I've always known, truly, I was just too scared to say it to myself. To admit defeat.

Luke walks up to me, my shocked face now matching everyone else's as I stare him right in the eyes, desperately looking for some comfort or reassurance or something.

Instead, he stands next to me and grabs my hand, pulling it into the air with his own as he yells out pridefully,

"Aphrodite!"

The entire cabin cheers as they begin to crowd around me, picking me up and carrying me out into the center of the cabin lot.

Chiron stands in the middle, looking mildly confused as the Hermes kids drop me on my feet right in front of him, with Luke materializing at my side in seconds.

"Chiron, she's been claimed," He says, determined.

The centaur scratches his beard, looking me up and down, deciding what to say.

"Aphrodite?" He asks Luke, and he nods.

"Yes, sir, just as we thought."

Huh?

Wait. He knew? They all knew?

Why didn't they tell me?

I mean, I probably wouldn't have believed them.

Despite everything, despite all the signs.

Looking back, I realized just how many signs there had been.

Like every time I did my friends' makeup and they ended up looking better than they ever had before; or when that very same makeup stuck with them for several days at a time, sometimes even weeks.

The popularity I gathered at school because of my polished fashion and makeup senses.

The way I always knew what clothes looked good and what didn't.

And the way I was always able to tell when someone was in love.

It was all there, right in front of my eyes, yet I refused to look past the big picture and focus on the details for once.

Chiron told me to get back to the Hermes cabin and gather my things, I was to move to the Aphrodite cabin, effective immediately.

Some part of me was nervous. What if I didn't fit in? Maybe I wasn't like them. Maybe the Aphrodite kids would reject me, and I would forever be an outcast, just like I was in my mind.

The nerves that hit me were the same ones that hit me when I first started high school, when I first arrived at camp, or in the Hermes cabin.

I was a little scared.

I mean, how could I not be? Then Aphrodite kids were beautiful, surrounded by love and passion everywhere they went, and I supposed to be one of them now?

I returned to the hermes cabin and hastily packed my things, including the makeup I had left strewn on the vanity table earlier.

Passing glances still caught my eye as I stuffed my things in my duffel bag. Had they all known? Even the Stolls looked very self-satisfied, or at least Travis did, as Connor begrudgingly handed over some drachmas to him.

I got up, bag in hand, looking around to make sure i hadn't forgotten anything.

I walked up to the Stoll brothers, flipping a drachma in the air before placing it in Connor's hand with a smile.

"So? Who's kid did you think I was?" I asked, hoping he had higher expectations for me than his brother.

"Athena. You're too smart to be an Aphrodite kid..." He frowned at his brother, who was still smirking, seeming very proud of himself.

He slapped my shoulder reassuringly, his features now strewn with a sort of compassion.

"You'll do just fine, kid. You're one of the realest Aphrodite kids I've ever met."

I smiled, feeling comfort in knowing that even if I somehow wasn't accepted in the Aphrodite cabin, at least Travis Stoll, of all people, had my back.

His brother shoulder-bumped him before chiming in.

"Hey, would you tell Marié about me? Y'know, boast about how cool and strong I am?" He flexed his nonexistent muscles, earning a resounding laugh from his older brother.

I chuckled softly, promising that I'd tell Marie all about how cool and strong he was after I met her.

Waving goodbye to the few people from the Hermes cabin I had managed to make friends with over the past month, I took a deep breath.

I made my way up to the Aphrodite cabin, stopping in front to admire the beautiful building.

Who would've thought that a normal day and a normal routine would end like this?

I should've known, probably.

Goddess of love, huh?

Passion, beauty, and fertility. Maybe there was something waiting for me in the future after all?

The fight isn't all there is.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

I am?