evren

cluster b side blog

[evrenull]

next tumblr update i need to be able to block someone after sending them insulting replies to their comments on my posts with them still being able to see it. i need to be able to degrade people with no consequences. i deserve this and they do too

[angel-pd]

i dont even deserve to call myself human with how disgusting my mind and body are

[evrenull]

if i get questioned about having both bpd and aspd or told that i can't have both one more time i might lose it

because imagine being that fucking uneducated on personality disorders

like tell me you only have a superficial stereotypical understanding of the disorders without telling me

"aspd is no emotions, bpd is too many"

"aspd is inherently utterly evil, bpd are innocent little angels"

ofc you can't comprehend people having both if you think like that

just plain idiotic

pop psychology is ruining us

[evrenull]

i know probably not everyone is out to get me but it still ruins my life and makes me want to die a lot that it feels that way

but im not even allowed to feel this way because it isn't true

so what do i even do with it??

[aliceofthewolves10]

I use the term "homicidal ideation" but that makes it sound like its merely in my head, simply thoughts about killing.

I can't explain how physical it is. Its a restlessness, an itch, an incessant drive beating right under my skin, trying to force its way out.

[nudelakesideflorist]

here kitty kitty

[peerless-outlaw]

"Why would you want to find community if you have ASPD?" I don't know, maybe because I'd like to know I'm not the only unfortunate bastard forced to live like this.

[1xsantana]

No one understands how suffocating it feels to have ASPD & feel so isolated no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

Theres a disconnect thats involuntarily, at times I wish I were able to deeply connect & be closer to people but I can’t. I can’t help but feel nothing but a suffocating boredom that consumes me whole, seeing people connect and have fun with one another will always be such a heavy isolating feeling that I don’t think anyone will ever understand.

[msh2o2]

My hot take this that people with ASPD have some of the lowest self esteem of any demographic, even worse than BPD, but it's coupled with such apathy that they think they're unbothered. Oh you think you're basically evil? You don't care what happens to anyone, including yourself? You don't think you can love or be loved? Your objection to describing yourself as a terrible person is the person part, not the adjective "terrible"? You hurt people and animals because nobody, including yourself, believes anything better of you? If someone's nice to you they're just trying to manipulate you? Please ... tell me more about your mother.

[evrenull]

discord server owners are genuinely the scum of the earth cus they think they're so much better than you can make u do whatever the hell they want just because they own some stupid fucking server 😭😭 ykw i have a life and talk to people irl and you're stuck owning a discord server and talking to fake people irl every day and really think that they love you and worship you 😭 so i think I know who's objectively better here LOLLL

[evrenull]

the law is unnatural. we were born as animals on this earth and deserve to do whatever the hell we want with the resources around us. all that should exist are personal morals

[evrenull]

the lovely aspd experience of always relating to the bad guy in fiction that everyone hates. totally not alienating at all.

[evrenull]

i fucking love arguing with hateful bigots on discord it's so fucking funny it gives me such an ego boost that they hate me so much and im making them so angry i feel so happy and giddy they were so mad that im openly trans and have kins in my bio and were trying so hard to hurt me omg it makes me so happy when people show me how worthless they are and let me feel so above them i love it i love it i love that i make them feel so much by just existing its so fucking fun

[evrenull]

kids online pmooo they're so stupid and unfunny all the time 😭😭😭

[evrenull]

nobody's ever really mattered to me much. not sure if i ever really love anybody just kinda like them and need them. i hate that i can't experience that

[evrenull]

i have no empathy for pathetic people and think they are better off dead

[evrenull]

THERES NO POINT IN LIVING IF IM NOT POPULAR AND EVERYBODY LOVES ME

IF IM NOT BEING WORSHIPPED IM BETTER OFF DEAD