Evan Yang

Evan Yang // 23 // Musician & Waiter // Affiliation: Other

[evvanxxyang]

defectivedetectivedavid‌:

Don’t say things like that???? Now you know I’ve gotta ask what the hell is going on, Evan. WHAT IS GOING ON, EVAN?

Shit. Uhhhhh well... I wasn’t convicted of anything?? There was just like.... this really small incident that happened at my uni but they only arrested me once and had to release me because of conflicting evidence?? 

[evvanxxyang]

Wait, wait. There’s another murderer here? Err... wait. No. I don’t know anything. Nevermind. 

[evvanxxyang]

jasagoat3chickensand1angrygoose‌:

We should collect Valentine’s cards for Nessie. This time of year is hard on a monster’s self worth. Also we should send her the bagels of her enemies.

Can we really?? I bet she would really like that. She must get lonely in the lake by herself. Do you think she eats bagels? I’ll start collecting them as soon as I’m done my sculpture! 

[evvanxxyang]

jasagoat3chickensand1angrygoose‌:

Okay, just make sure you don’t make her nose too big. It’s well documented that Nessie does not like being nose-shamed.

Whaaat? She shouldn’t be ashamed she’s very beautiful the way she is. I’ll prove it with my snow sculpture for sure. If anyone shames her again I will personally steal all their bagels. 

[evvanxxyang]

jasagoat3chickensand1angrygoose‌:

Helping the gremlins “decorate” in the park behind he party. STEP ON THEM AND FACE THE WRATH OF THIRTY FIVE-YEAR-OLDS.

Oh that’s so fun!! Can I make snow dolphins?? Omg no no no, I’m gonna make a snow NESSIE. Hell yes. The queen of the lake is going to join her shark friends. They’ll be besties forever! 

[evvanxxyang]

67:Do you curse around your parents?

My dad told me if I said “fuck” around him again he’d ban me from eating cupcakes for a month. Safe to say the answer is no. If you’re reading this dad, I’m really sorry please don’t take away my cupcakes 

[sincerelymisteralphaomega]

is there anything you always carry with you?

My phone because I actually have friends who get a hold of me.

[evvanxxyang]

Speaking of friends we should kidnap Quinn and go do something. How do you feel about axe throwing? 

[evvanxxyang]

What is your relationship status?

I am married to my first love, potatoes. I am so thankful for all the ways I can eat them. Oh right yeah, I guess there’s a guy back in my uni city but we’re not vibing anymore and that’s uh… not fun or happy so forget about it! 

[evvanxxyang]

haywakefieldup‌:

Potatoes are delicious. One day you will find someone who make you almost as happy as potatoes.

Wow! do you think someone like that exists? That’d be pretty rad stuff if the universe could set that up. Thanks for the positive vibes bro. 

[evvanxxyang]

What is your relationship status?

I am married to my first love, potatoes. I am so thankful for all the ways I can eat them. Oh right yeah, I guess there’s a guy back in my uni city but we’re not vibing anymore and that’s uh... not fun or happy so forget about it! 

[defectivedetectivedavid]

Best thing to put on pizza? Worst thing to put on pizza?

Best is extra cheese, worst is raw tomato.

[evvanxxyang]

defectivedetectivedavid‌:

You know there are people who are allergic to tomatoes right?

I... what??? No way. You’re lying. You’re a detective you can’t lie that’s like... illegal. Seriously don’t joke around like that. Where’s the proof?!?

[defectivedetectivedavid]

Best thing to put on pizza? Worst thing to put on pizza?

Best is extra cheese, worst is raw tomato.

[evvanxxyang]

defectivedetectivedavid‌:

That’s easy. I don’t eat salsa. And I pick all of the tomatoes off of the nachos like a grownup.

But... but tomatoes add the tang to nachos? The juiciness? You can’t substitute it with anything else. And no salsa?? Oh my god. What about those skewers with tomatoes and the little round cheeses and the leafy thing? WHAT ABOUT THOSE. A world without tomatoes is a scary one bro. 

[defectivedetectivedavid]

Best thing to put on pizza? Worst thing to put on pizza?

Best is extra cheese, worst is raw tomato.

[evvanxxyang]

defectivedetectivedavid‌:

I just don’t like chunks of raw tomato in anything. Pizza. Salsa. Salad. Nachos. Pizza doesn’t need a reason but I’m gonna need a good one to stick a hunk of raw tomato in my mouth.

I cannot believe my own two ears right now. How... how do you eat salsa? Without tomatoes? I??? What? Are you even living? Don’t even get me started on nachos. 

[defectivedetectivedavid]

Best thing to put on pizza? Worst thing to put on pizza?

Best is extra cheese, worst is raw tomato.

[evvanxxyang]

defectivedetectivedavid‌:

Hey just don’t throw them on top raw for no apparent reason and I’m good.

No apparent reason?!? Oh man you have so much to learn about the art that is pizza. Pizza doesn’t need a reason, Pizza is the reason itself. If you don’t like pizza in all its forms do you even like pizza? 

[defectivedetectivedavid]

Best thing to put on pizza? Worst thing to put on pizza?

Best is extra cheese, worst is raw tomato.

[evvanxxyang]

Whaaat? Pizza is a superfood. You can put literally anything on it and it’s still delicious. There’s no such thing as “worst thing” 

[evvanxxyang]

18: quote you live by

“You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake” Truer words have never been spoken and it hasn’t failed me yet! 

[evvanxxyang]

heysatan-itsgia‌: 

Yes, really! I don’t lie about these things! We need to do that again sometime if you don’t choke to death from falling asleep with food in your mouth.

What? I’m no liar, I’m a truther. You’re the coolest of the cool. Like, sub-zero coolness. We will definitely do it again sometimes, next show you’re the first person I’m telling. No promises on the choking thing. We die like men - recklessly and without thinking things through before hand.

[evvanxxyang]

haywakefieldup‌:

This worries me. This worries me so much.

Why? I see nothing to be concerned about. That show went perfectly. I even kept most of my clothes on so nothing to worry about at all.