Ask an Ex-Jehovah's Witness

Raised as a Jehovah's Witness, left when I was 18. Do you have any questions about Jehovah's Witnesses or their beliefs? Or questions about my experiences/why I left? Ask away! They/Them pronouns preffered.

[ex-jw]

i've never believed in this religion, even as a kid. i want to leave as soon as possible but it's getting harder to cope. my mom keeps asking me when i will get baptized and i don't have any better excuses than "i'm not ready yet" but i'll never be ready because i don't believe in what they teach. my dad isn't a member anymore but idk what my mom would do if i told her. i really want to tell her but i'm so scared. tips?

That's a really tough situation. It's hard to say what you should do. I'd definitely reach out to any non-believing family or friends you may have. Reaching out to others with similar experiences can be really helpful to. A lot of people have gone through similar situations, so you're not alone in this. Personally, I wouldn't do anything until you're able to be on your own/away from your mother. Not that you can't trust your mother, I mean more as a safety net sort of thing, in the case of a worst-case scenario. Maybe talk to your dad about it all if you think you can trust him with that. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to wait things out, unfortunately. I never got baptized and used the excuse of wanting to study more to draw closer to Jehovah and be able to commit EVERYTHING to him. I didn't have an issue with lying about that sort of thing, if it helped me get through it all. But I know that can vary from person to person. Be careful and be safe. Don't forget that you're not alone in this. You have support, whether it's irl or online. Don't give up. Life gets so much better, I swear it.

[ex-jw]

My mom's old saying of, "We may not celebrate holidays, but we do celebrate holiday sales!" still holds up.

[ex-jw]

Just remembered the fact that my mom felt the need to ask my Dad for permission to let me have medically-prescribed birth control pills.

I had HORRIBLE periods back when I used to have them (I'm a trans guy on T for a long time now so it's been YEARS without one thank fuck). Pain level occasionally at having-to-stay-in-bed-all-day and STILL in incredible pain. Doctor said the pills would help, prescribed some. My mom had a discussion with my dad about it. NOT because he was the other parent, no. It was that weird sort of headship thing where like. My dad had ownership of my body? My dad, thankfully, wasn't the type that was all that into that. He just wanted me to not be in horrendous pain every month. But just... Wild religious stuff. Owning your female children's bodies. Yuck.

[ex-jw]

i’m a youngster, i’m a queer teenager who grew up as a jw, i haven’t baptized and haven’t planned to for years now, i still believe in it because everything is so engraved in me, i don’t want to believe it, and everytime my family says that the end is closer i get scared, any tips?

Honestly? Watching youtube video testimonials made by ex-JWs really helped me with that. And videos on how and why JWs are wrong about their interpretation of the bible. Look into the history of the bible and all the different translations. Look into other religions. Really, just expose yourself to more things! There's a lot more to life than that cult. I struggled with the same thing for a bit myself. It'll be easier once you're away from it. But until then, keep in mind that there's so much more in the world. So much more to life. Stay safe. It gets better. SO MUCH BETTER!!

And don't forget: you're loved and you're not alone.

[ex-jw]

Is it true you can get kicked out of being a jw just for being gay/trans and anything like that or are they rumors

From what I remember/know, you technically don't get kicked out for that. You're only disfellowshipped if you're accused of the "sin" and continue to "act upon" it without remorse. I remember being told of gay JWs in good standing because they weren't "acting on" their "gay, sinful thoughts." I'm not sure if that's how it still is, though, since I left around 10 years ago.

[oxytocinatrocities]

Yet another comic about leaving the Mormon church that can be applied to a variety of things.

[areyoudreaminof]

As someone who grew up religious and still working through my own religious trauma and disengagement, I thought this article with Luke Evans was poignant and quite beautiful. While I wasn’t raised JW, but in another similar faith, I found myself completely identifying with the way he captures the complicated and nuanced feelings one has after leaving. I’ll definitely have to read his book.

‘I thought I’d die at Armageddon’: Hollywood action hero Luke Evans on growing up gay as a Jehovah’s Witness

The Welsh actor talks religion, rebelling and why he had to come out twice

[tranxio]

FOR THE LAST TIME

👏 APOSTASY is the rejection of a faith after having professed it;

👏 HERESY is selective belief in only some of the tenets of a faith one professes, or belief in tenets contrary to those of a faith one professes;

👏 BLASPHEMY is derogation of the honour due to God.

[orcboxer]

and babey I'm a triple threat

[ex-jw]

Nothing like being ex-JW for years and moving on in life and honestly not even thinking about it most of the time…then working your normal retail job and a customer opening their wallet and you accidentally see a classic “NO BLOOD” card right there. With his young child standing right next to him.

[miraclesandlove]

When you no longer fear god, that's when you have the choice to decide what you want to believe.

[creature-wizard]

Ex-Christians who fail to understand that the problem was never "organized religion," but rather systems that demand absolute trust in authority figures who are held to minimal accountability, are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the abusive Christian sects they hate.

[ex-jw]

ok question time for you exjws/pimo jws out there. I had a brief friendship with another jw child around my age who's mom had the belief that talking animals were demonic. even in tv shows/movies/etc. i thought this was like, a one crazy person belief, but i heard a story recently about an exjw who was raised under that belief as well. So now I'm curious, who else went through this? Or knew someone who did?

[tower-fall-deactivated20230202]

[tag-devilish]

Shoutout to the breakers of generational curses

[xiaofiaan]

[ID: a drawing of a snake wrapped in a circle around the words "The Cycle Ends Here". at the top of the drawing, the snake is biting off its own tail. end ID]

[blazevillains-deactivated202504]

grabs you. hey. listen. one day youll get out of your parents house. you will be able to not go to church on sunday. you will be able to cut and dye your hair any colour you want. you will be able to wear crazy eyeliner and black lipstick or whatever makeup you want. you can swear and be openly queer with your friends and transition and date. YOULL GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!

[quaintrelledragicorn]

[ex-jw]

Could you help me? I have a very dear friend of mine who is 18 and is a jw he says he enjoys it but I don't think he actual does i think he's more or less scared of leaving and being alone (because he really Doesn't have anyone outside his religion) and I know his family is kinda verbally abusive and I want him out of there and to experience the world and holidays but i also don't want to force or push him away.

What should I do?

Hey there,

All I can offer is advice here based off of my own personal experiences and what I've seen in documentaries and testimonials. You can't force someone out of a cult. You can try, but it just doesn't mentally work. They used to try this back in the era in the US when new cults were popping up all over the place and teens/young adults were joining them without parental/family knowledge. These families would hire someone to help them effectively kidnap their loved one and try to "deprogram" them. This didn't work too well most of the time because of the psychology of it all. If someone is stuck in that mindset, you can't just pull them out of it. If I had had a friend try to pull me out of being a JW when I was a member, I honestly would've stopped spending time with them. Because I would see this person as a danger. JWs are taught that non-believers aren't to be trusted, so if you try to steer them out of the religion, you're effectively proving that.

So, what do you do? I'd recommend just being there for your friend. JWs aren't really supposed to have friends outside of the religion, so you're already a good resource for them as an outside voice. Be there as someone who can listen to them genuinely and without judgement. Someone safe they can turn to and trust. Over time, your friend may come to realize things about the religion and pull away on their own. It's not something that'll just suddenly happen and will likely take some time, especially if they were born into the religion. You just have to be paitient and remember that you are just one person. I fully understand wanting to help a friend, I have a bit of a problem trying to solve everyone's problems myself, but at the end of the day, it's their decision and life. It's tough. But just being there for your friend will mean a lot to them.

Fellow ex-JWs, ex-cult members, and any professionals reading this feel free to chime in/add on.

Thanks for the ask. I hope the best for you and your friend. Remember you are not alone.