*Radio Static*

Hey there! I’m an EXALT agent just trying to make my way in life, y’know, hoping I don’t die. Dying happens a lot in my line of work! So fingers crossed. Anyway, tell me I look good in my suit, or that my hair looks nice, or maybe my eyes are pretty, because that’s the reason I don’t employ proper body armor or a helmet! Gotta look good, right? :) [Blog inspired by advent-trooper!]

[exalt-operative]

Heeey EXALT Buddy, so your bosses asked me to get my hands on some alloys and alien cadavers. Never got my eyes on 'em when Council Agents hit the crash site, can you get your bosses off my back?

Huh? Who's this? How'd you find this frequency? I thought we'd succeeded in being pretty much undetected at this point... Damn. Well, uhhh, I guess I'll see what I can do...? Sorry dude, but like, I'm not sure who you are or what you're doing. How do I know YOU aren't a Council Agent in disguise, huh!?!? But it sounds like you're one of us, supposedly... I'll see what I can do, man. But I'm just a little guy in the huge and glorious organization that is EXALT! I don't exactly have much say. Sorry :(

[exalt-operative]

Sorry these are like, 50 day old asks! I’ve been pretty out of it with all the new procedures and stuff. We’ve had to change up the way we do even our most basic operations!

First up is- wow, the ADVENT supervisor! It’s an honor! Er, except this doesn’t sound like a compliment. What DID you expect from me, huh? XCOM kicked our asses! I’m doing the best I can, man! @advent-supervisor

And next I’ve got a message from @thexcommander - ha! You ARE old! We all call you old! Even the- wait, what!? A covert operative working for YOU!? We’ve been infiltrated! Who is it, what’s their name!? What do they look like!? D:

[exalt-operative]

Hey there EXALT guy! It’s me, The Trooper! The Supervisor gave me a chance to message some people instead for a change! So how’s my favourite XCOM agitator doing?!

Oh hey!!!! What’s up!!!!! They seriously didn’t let you message anybody? That sucks! Glad you can, though!

Sorry it took me a hot minute to respond to this! Things have been crazy with the pandemic and all. Gotta maintain social distance in the workplace. Gotta stay six feet away from XCOM operatives if we infiltrate their ranks. All that stuff.

But hey, we had masks before they were cool!

Hope you’re doing well too @advent-trooper !

[exalt-operative]

Well its good to hear you are up for it! I have already two posters (totaly not propeganda) on my blog. One of wich is of myself, and one of my right hand. I believe right now would be a good time to upload the next poster.

This is a VERY delayed response, but I had to take time to confer with the Medic in my cell, get critique advice (without letting him know the critique advice was for the XCOM commander!). Who woulda thought? Anyway, he went to art school, so he knows like, stuff, about critiques.

Anyway, let’s begin!

You have three posters. You, FreakShow, and Angry Bean. Each one is a simple composition directing viewers’ attention to a centralized figure. They are, as I said, very simple, so it’s hard to point out anything wrong with the compositions- there just isn’t anything especially creative or innovative about how they’re laid out, which there could be, if you wanted to go the extra mile.

I can, however, focus on your choice of palettes. And let me say, dude, that pink is NOT working for you. Sorry, man. That outfit is kinda all over the place too, if I’m being honest, and the background color just doesn’t mesh well with that hot pink. It’s the little things, you know? Like how your outfit is black and pink but your gun is black and red. Just seems off. Not to mention that pink is exceptionally garish.

Next let’s discuss FreakShow. This one is much more successful. The differing pieces of the outfit don’t feel haphazard- they work well together. Very intimidating. The usage of a primarily green palette really suits the overall theme of “FreakShow” with the green hues evoking a sort of toxic/poisonous vibe. I wouldn’t want to meet this XCOM soldier out in the field! My only criticism with this piece is the palette of the actual soldier’s armor being a bit washed out. I think it could benefit from some sort of camouflage pattern, perhaps.

Lastly, we have Angry Bean. I think Angry Bean is the most successful of the three, and I do not have anything negative to say about it all. The reds are vibrant and give a sense of power, the pose and choice of armor further this theme. Even the way the camera is slightly positioned at an angle looking up at Angry Bean works to pull it all together. This is a solid photograph. Good job! Have a gold star.

In conclusion, I think your work has shown a progressive improvement! Keep working at it and you’ll be fire 🔥🔥🔥

Though I suggest experimenting more with composition, maybe trying out group poses, and incorporating text.

...

Hooooo boy, that was a LOT. I really went all out there. Learned lots of vocab from Medic and stuff. You’re welcome, you’re welcome. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m amazing. @thexcommander

Also, fun fact- one of my best bros (from the civilian side of life) has a cat named Bean. And she’s like, not angry at all. She’s actually super sweet! Anyway, I cannot take the name Angry Bean seriously, haha :)

[exalt-operative]

Selfies from when I was hanging out with @advent-trooper last week!

[thexcommander]

And you call me out for MY immaturity. When did “selfies” come back anyway? I heard several of my people talk about them but they were already tiring back in my day.

[exalt-operative]

Aw, c’mon, they’re fun! I’m allowed to have fun, Miss No-Fun-Allowed :P

[exalt-operative]

So I thought you guys hated aliens, how come you’re hanging with ADVENT? And what ARE your ideals/goals anyway?

Nah bro, we don’t hate aliens! Far from it. We actually supported the aliens in their bid for control over the earth. Sort of. We didn’t have an official allegiance, mind you, but we wanted them to win. And they did! Too bad our organization was in shambles by then and could not benefit from it at all haha :)

But yeah. We sided with the aliens because they were, and are, the path to the future. What they brought enabled us to jumpstart into the next phase of human evolution. Gene modding, psionics, not to mention the alien tech! There was so much to learn from the aliens. The goal of EXALT at that time was to support the aliens, transcend the current boundaries of humanity, and emerge as earth’s new kings when the dust settled. Well, maybe not actually kings- but definitely holding considerable power in the new world.

I’m telling you all this because it’s all ancient history now anyway. EXALT’s a shell of what it once was, thanks to XCOM, so our only goals now are... building back up again. Slowly gaining prominence. We’re EXALT. We aim to be the ideal human being. Exalted. Powerful. Our organization is at a fraction of what it once was, but give it time. Our agents will be slowly but surely extending our influence, infiltrating governments worldwide. We’ll always emerge on top. We’ll just stick to doing it in the shadows again, like we used to. We took risks during the war, exposed ourselves to XCOM, and that backfired horribly. So we’ll bide our time. Work subtly in the background. Avoid XCOM as much as possible.

TL;DR- humanity sucks without gene mods and psionics, and yeah EXALT is the truth behind Illuminati-style conspiracy theories :)

One little question, btw: what does hating or not hating aliens have to do with hanging out with ADVENT? Sure, they work under the aliens, but they’re not aliens themselves. They’re humans. Right? Unless those rumors are true...

[exalt-operative]

C’mon man. Long slippery viper gf, how can you say no?!

Dude! They’re snakes! Like, literally, take away the arms and the, uh, chest- all you’ve got is a giant cobra! I mean, it’s pretty cool how space aliens developed out there and managed to look exactly like our cobras here on earth, but in the end they’re still snakes!

And I don’t know about you but I don’t think snakes are sexy. Humans tend to be pretty instinctively wary of snakes. Same way we’re wary of scorpions and tarantulas and all that. Would you want a giant eight-legged spider gf? No thank you!

Not to shit on Vipers, of course. They’re pretty cool. Just not for me! I’m pretty sure humans and Vipers aren’t, uh, y’know, biologically compatible anyway.

[exalt-operative]

Well, I got a viper you might be interested in... (TheXcommander)

Eeeeeeeeh, I’m not sure that would... work? I know a lot of people find them really attractive for some strange reason, but I’m not one of them. Like, they’re snakes! Reptiles! Reptiles and mammals don’t mix! It doesn’t work! No offense to Vipers!

Besides, I’m EXALT, and anybody I date better be able to match my suaveness pretty evenly, y’know? I can’t imagine a Viper in anything that would work at a white tie event.

@thexcommander

[advent-trooper]

I can vouch for the suaveness of Vipers, The Superviser took one to some ADVENT dinner or something!

He’s just as suave as you, perhaps a little less but don’t tell him I said anything, and he makes it work!

[voxprimaassassin]

As someone who’s humanness is debatable, I can assure you those of more reptilian blood and those of mamalian can most definitely mix in more ways than one~

Simply ask my beloved!

[exalt-operative]

I did not know the Chosen had reptilian as well as mammalian traits! I hope I did not offend you, Miss Assassin!

[exalt-operative]

Well, I got a viper you might be interested in... (TheXcommander)

Eeeeeeeeh, I’m not sure that would... work? I know a lot of people find them really attractive for some strange reason, but I’m not one of them. Like, they’re snakes! Reptiles! Reptiles and mammals don’t mix! It doesn’t work! No offense to Vipers!

Besides, I’m EXALT, and anybody I date better be able to match my suaveness pretty evenly, y’know? I can’t imagine a Viper in anything that would work at a white tie event.

@thexcommander

[exalt-operative]

Selfies from when I was hanging out with @advent-trooper last week!

[exalt-operative]

So I’ve seen that advent trooper dating the assassin, do you have any secret crushes?!

Haha!! Wouldn’t you like to know, anonymous messenger, so you can... idk, manipulate my relationships for EXALT secrets or something :(

Well, anyway, I’m available!!!

Also, the sniper on my squad is really cool. Strong, silent type. Doesn’t say much. Our heavy is super buff with muscles for days, enough to make even me jealous! Then there’s me and the medic too! Of course I’m still the most handsome out of all four. And we’re all single, so...!

When it comes to MY crushes, though, the only crush I have is the guy in the mirror, haha :) just kidding. Don’t have anybody in particular. Though sometimes I wonder if I’m actually crushing on sniper or heavy, and it’s actually not me thinking they’re super cool. Don’t tell them I said that though

[exalt-operative]

Now that the speaker is (presumably) dead, what do you think advent will do next?

I don’t know! Honestly, even if the Speaker is dead, I’m sure they can just make a new one. It’s the released footage and stuff from XCOM that’s the real problem. Still, ADVENT basically rules the entire world, they’re sticking around for a while! Probably.

[exalt-operative]

So the trooper vouched for you, said you would be willing to help judge my photography work? I would apreciate it, though I have to admit that our earlier interaction has me hesitant to say the least. (TheXcommander)

Sure, of course! I’d always be up to critique the competition! Seriously, though, I’d be down for it. EXALT doesn’t really get to have propaganda posters, since secret society and all. But I do like photography. Mostly selfies haha :)

@thexcommander

OOC note, if you’d like to add an EXALT operative of your own to photos, I’ll put the mods I use under the cut!

The suit can be found here, and I used the slicked back hair option included in this mod. The EXALT bandanna mask thingy is, oddly enough, in the default game!

For further customization and to reference the differences in EXALT elites vs regular guys, I use this mod which enables the WOTC faction gear to be usable on normal soldiers (the reapers’ various ammo packs and pouches and backpacks work really well for adding variety, and the basic skirmisher armor is a solid choice for the heavy’s chestpiece!), and occasionally use bare arms instead of the suit sleeves (to show off them big green tattoos!).

I haven’t found any face mods to show off the fact that EXALT operatives start to look fucky after they experiment a bit too much with alien gene mods, but the Faceless face paint can make them look pretty weird while still blending in decently with most caucasian skin tones. I suppose this skin color mod could be used to give them green-tinted skin or something, but I haven’t tried it.

There are a couple other mods that add suits and dress clothes to the game, but nothing that actually looks like the other variations in EXALT clothing, from what I’ve found. There are also EXALT weapons mods someplace, but weapon mods are a pain in the ass imo

Bonus Mods:

-EXALT voice

-ADVENT armor (for making your friendly neighborhood ADVENT trooper!)

-”Smooth male faces” which isn’t super relevant given EXALT operatives cover the majority of their faces, but this mod is honestly a lifesaver because the default faces are so UGLY

-A delightful little pose pack for all your memeing needs

[exalt-operative]

Oh darnit you guys are still around? Let me just roll up one of those three sectopods to that advent burger (TheXcommander)

Of course we’re still around! We’re a secret society with origins dating back to ancient times, with sleeper cells in cities all over the globe! Sure, we might not be nearly as relevant as we used to be (thanks XCOM) but we won’t be put down that easily.

Why are you rolling a sectopod up to an ADVENT Burger? Wait- is that some sort of threat? @thexcommander

[thexcommander]

As slow as always.

I guess your mind is as slow as your technology, are your computers from those “ancient origins” or did you have to choose between tacky suits and decent tech?

But yes. That was a totally subtle threat. At least if I threw one at you I would have only two of the damn things left.

Also you publicly announced your current location to the world. Not a smart plan if your enemy can deploy soldiers anywhere on the globe in a matter of hours.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t- I, what- hey! Crap! This broadcast was supposed to be for like, personal stuff! Not for the XCOM commander to pick up on! Crap crap crap my boss is gonna kill me! Or more likely make me kill myself with the good old syringe-head-explode deal. Still bad!

W-well, wait- you know what, you actually don’t know anything! I’ve been vague enough on here, you don’t know where our base is or anything. Just that I’m meeting my friend at a bar today. In a city center! And I’m undercover! It’s fine. It’s fine.

Honestly, though, you can insult MY intelligence if you want, I’m just a lowly operative, but don’t insult our tech and don’t you dare call our suits TACKY! Seriously. Don’t they teach proper manners in XCOM?

…it’s true our tech is behind yours by a bit but that’s your fault!

[thexcommander]

To answer your question: We used to, but then some nuisance bothered us while we were doing something important.

The aliens were/are my enemy. Exalt was my headache.

Also wearing formal clothes in a burger place draws attention and those ties are very noticable.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t know why you’re so fixated on burgers. ADVENT Burger is good and all, but I only get them through the drive-through. I’m not there. Don’t know why you think I am.

Also, please don’t blow it up with your robots. I still like ADVENT Burger. It’s the place for meat!

[thexcommander]

Going through the drive-through? Odd way to meet up with someone.

Also don’t worry. I am mostly bluffing about the big robots. They would take far too long to deploy. Its also far more worthwhile to have you followed.

Even if it doesn’t lead me directly to your base, your hideout or even home is good enough.

No comment on the “Exalt was an ineffectual nuisance part? Guess it must have been a memory that was a bit too painful.

I remember that raid. X-com jumped in with kevlar and bullets and exalt started a very pretty laser show. You guys must have been very safety oriented considering no one got hurt during that demonstration.

Well. No one that mattered anyway.

[exalt-operative]

I’m meeting the advent trooper at a bar downtown, not a burger joint! I guess you misread that.

Anyway, of course I’m not going to angrily respond to your petty taunts! I am a gentleman and an EXALT agent. I’m above that.

Also I was like three when you raided our main base. That was twenty-something years ago. I wasn’t even in EXALT then. You’re just old. So, like, okay boomer.

But if I must address it… we were just a headache for you, huh? And none or our lives mattered? All of the ones you took in that raid, plus the various other confrontations? Wow, you’re heartless. And cruel. It’s no wonder ADVENT paints you out to be the villain; they don’t have to try too hard.

Please don’t follow me home though I would not appreciate that thank you :) that’s called stalking and I’ll call ADVENT

[thexcommander]

Thanks for correcting me on that little mistake.

And thanks for raising a concerning point, I can’t remember if I used to care about exalt lives. Recently with the Assassin, I plainly said that both my soldiers and I no longer care for our own, but the fact I care so little about the lives of EXALT is legitimately worrying. I want to blame my genetic modification, the cybernetics and the whole forced to relive a war for twenty years odd years that haunt both my dreams and my waking hours, from sleepwalking through evershifting phantom bases to hearing the death cries of the very veteran I am talking to.

But this feels a lot more human than that.

I want to say I’m not heartless. I care. But only for the civilians. for my soldiers. Only recently has the line of communications been opened to my enemies and the first trooper I talk I start caring about? I related to the assassin when she expressed disgust at being catcalled!

But the face of an enemy I immediately recognise I childishly mock with the deaths of their comrades?

I’m sorry. I was out of line. I should be a responsible leader, treating all my enemies with respect.

Also, It hasn’t really sunken in yet that I’m forty and I am not sure I want that to sink in.

[exalt-operative]

Woah, I wasn’t expecting that- I mean, yeah! Feel bad! You should!

But, uh, thanks for the apology. Was nice of you.

Regardless, the conflict between XCOM and EXALT was ages ago, and you guys won. Ironically enough, we supported the aliens, and they ultimately won, but not before you wiped us out, so we were never able to realize our own plans. But now, we really don’t need to be enemies! EXALT’s just trying to keep a low profile. Survive. We’re not at war with you anymore. We hate your guts, but we’re not at war.

[exalt-operative]

Oh darnit you guys are still around? Let me just roll up one of those three sectopods to that advent burger (TheXcommander)

Of course we’re still around! We’re a secret society with origins dating back to ancient times, with sleeper cells in cities all over the globe! Sure, we might not be nearly as relevant as we used to be (thanks XCOM) but we won’t be put down that easily.

Why are you rolling a sectopod up to an ADVENT Burger? Wait- is that some sort of threat? @thexcommander

[thexcommander]

As slow as always.

I guess your mind is as slow as your technology, are your computers from those “ancient origins” or did you have to choose between tacky suits and decent tech?

But yes. That was a totally subtle threat. At least if I threw one at you I would have only two of the damn things left.

Also you publicly announced your current location to the world. Not a smart plan if your enemy can deploy soldiers anywhere on the globe in a matter of hours.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t- I, what- hey! Crap! This broadcast was supposed to be for like, personal stuff! Not for the XCOM commander to pick up on! Crap crap crap my boss is gonna kill me! Or more likely make me kill myself with the good old syringe-head-explode deal. Still bad!

W-well, wait- you know what, you actually don’t know anything! I’ve been vague enough on here, you don’t know where our base is or anything. Just that I’m meeting my friend at a bar today. In a city center! And I’m undercover! It’s fine. It’s fine.

Honestly, though, you can insult MY intelligence if you want, I’m just a lowly operative, but don’t insult our tech and don’t you dare call our suits TACKY! Seriously. Don’t they teach proper manners in XCOM?

…it’s true our tech is behind yours by a bit but that’s your fault!

[thexcommander]

To answer your question: We used to, but then some nuisance bothered us while we were doing something important.

The aliens were/are my enemy. Exalt was my headache.

Also wearing formal clothes in a burger place draws attention and those ties are very noticable.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t know why you’re so fixated on burgers. ADVENT Burger is good and all, but I only get them through the drive-through. I’m not there. Don’t know why you think I am.

Also, please don’t blow it up with your robots. I still like ADVENT Burger. It’s the place for meat!

[thexcommander]

Going through the drive-through? Odd way to meet up with someone.

Also don’t worry. I am mostly bluffing about the big robots. They would take far too long to deploy. Its also far more worthwhile to have you followed.

Even if it doesn’t lead me directly to your base, your hideout or even home is good enough.

No comment on the “Exalt was an ineffectual nuisance part? Guess it must have been a memory that was a bit too painful.

I remember that raid. X-com jumped in with kevlar and bullets and exalt started a very pretty laser show. You guys must have been very safety oriented considering no one got hurt during that demonstration.

Well. No one that mattered anyway.

[exalt-operative]

I’m meeting the advent trooper at a bar downtown, not a burger joint! I guess you misread that.

Anyway, of course I’m not going to angrily respond to your petty taunts! I am a gentleman and an EXALT agent. I’m above that.

Also I was like three when you raided our main base. That was twenty-something years ago. I wasn’t even in EXALT then. You’re just old. So, like, okay boomer.

But if I must address it... we were just a headache for you, huh? And none or our lives mattered? All of the ones you took in that raid, plus the various other confrontations? Wow, you’re heartless. And cruel. It’s no wonder ADVENT paints you out to be the villain; they don’t have to try too hard.

Please don’t follow me home though I would not appreciate that thank you :) that’s called stalking and I’ll call ADVENT

[exalt-operative]

Oh darnit you guys are still around? Let me just roll up one of those three sectopods to that advent burger (TheXcommander)

Of course we’re still around! We’re a secret society with origins dating back to ancient times, with sleeper cells in cities all over the globe! Sure, we might not be nearly as relevant as we used to be (thanks XCOM) but we won’t be put down that easily.

Why are you rolling a sectopod up to an ADVENT Burger? Wait- is that some sort of threat? @thexcommander

[thexcommander]

As slow as always.

I guess your mind is as slow as your technology, are your computers from those "ancient origins" or did you have to choose between tacky suits and decent tech?

But yes. That was a totally subtle threat. At least if I threw one at you I would have only two of the damn things left.

Also you publicly announced your current location to the world. Not a smart plan if your enemy can deploy soldiers anywhere on the globe in a matter of hours.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t- I, what- hey! Crap! This broadcast was supposed to be for like, personal stuff! Not for the XCOM commander to pick up on! Crap crap crap my boss is gonna kill me! Or more likely make me kill myself with the good old syringe-head-explode deal. Still bad!

W-well, wait- you know what, you actually don’t know anything! I’ve been vague enough on here, you don’t know where our base is or anything. Just that I’m meeting my friend at a bar today. In a city center! And I’m undercover! It’s fine. It’s fine.

Honestly, though, you can insult MY intelligence if you want, I’m just a lowly operative, but don’t insult our tech and don’t you dare call our suits TACKY! Seriously. Don’t they teach proper manners in XCOM?

...it’s true our tech is behind yours by a bit but that’s your fault!

[thexcommander]

To answer your question: We used to, but then some nuisance bothered us while we were doing something important.

The aliens were/are my enemy. Exalt was my headache.

Also wearing formal clothes in a burger place draws attention and those ties are very noticable.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t know why you’re so fixated on burgers. ADVENT Burger is good and all, but I only get them through the drive-through. I’m not there. Don’t know why you think I am.

Also, please don’t blow it up with your robots. I still like ADVENT Burger. It’s the place for meat!

[exalt-operative]

Oh darnit you guys are still around? Let me just roll up one of those three sectopods to that advent burger (TheXcommander)

Of course we’re still around! We’re a secret society with origins dating back to ancient times, with sleeper cells in cities all over the globe! Sure, we might not be nearly as relevant as we used to be (thanks XCOM) but we won’t be put down that easily.

Why are you rolling a sectopod up to an ADVENT Burger? Wait- is that some sort of threat? @thexcommander

[thexcommander]

As slow as always.

I guess your mind is as slow as your technology, are your computers from those "ancient origins" or did you have to choose between tacky suits and decent tech?

But yes. That was a totally subtle threat. At least if I threw one at you I would have only two of the damn things left.

Also you publicly announced your current location to the world. Not a smart plan if your enemy can deploy soldiers anywhere on the globe in a matter of hours.

[exalt-operative]

I don’t- I, what- hey! Crap! This broadcast was supposed to be for like, personal stuff! Not for the XCOM commander to pick up on! Crap crap crap my boss is gonna kill me! Or more likely make me kill myself with the good old syringe-head-explode deal. Still bad!

W-well, wait- you know what, you actually don’t know anything! I’ve been vague enough on here, you don’t know where our base is or anything. Just that I’m meeting my friend at a bar today. In a city center! And I’m undercover! It’s fine. It’s fine.

Honestly, though, you can insult MY intelligence if you want, I’m just a lowly operative, but don’t insult our tech and don’t you dare call our suits TACKY! Seriously. Don’t they teach proper manners in XCOM?

...it’s true our tech is behind yours by a bit but that’s your fault!