Anxious University Advice
Around this time of year, every year, there are floods of people giving advice about starting university. A great deal of it is published or endorsed by the universities themselves. The overwhelming majority is aimed at extroverts.
Here are some pieces of advice I wish I’d heard eight years ago, when I was just about to start my undergraduate degree, because then it wouldn’t have taken me so long to figure out that actually no, there’s nothing wrong with doing things differently, and you are not somehow “failing” if you don’t feel comfortable with the endlessly sociable side of Freshers’ Week, or any other week at university.
This is not an exhaustive list. There is a lot of good advice out there. This is really just the first ten things that came to mind when I thought, what would have been helpful for me to hear when I was in this position?
1. You do not have to prop your door open and greet everyone who walks past. This one is a real pet peeve of mine. For those who want to do it, go ahead and enjoy it, really. If that’s not you, don’t worry. It’s not compulsory. It is perfectly okay if you want to spend a few days (or indeed however much time you need) adjusting on your own. There will be time for introductions later.
2. You do not have to dress up, drink alcohol, or go to any social event which makes you uncomfortable. Freshers’ Week should be about you settling in and finding your feet in whatever way suits you. Many people will be getting drunk and partying all week. Many people will continue that trend throughout their university life, and they will enjoy it. Good for them. You do not have to do that. You do university in whatever way you are most comfortable with.
3. If you live in catered accommodation, as I did, I strongly advise arriving early for breakfast and late for dinner. These are the quietest times. While arriving towards the end of the allotted time for dinner does mean your options are more limited as some food will have run out, it may be easier to handle if you dislike crowds.
4. Feel free to explore campus/the surrounding area on your own. Be sensible and safe, e.g. not wandering around unfamiliar areas alone in the dark, but don’t feel like everything has to be a group activity. Take some headphones if you like; they’re great for blocking out external noise/controlling your own sensory input if those things bother you, and frankly they discourage unwanted talking from strangers. (Do make sure you can still hear enough to be aware of your surroundings, however. Stay safe, people.) Wander around by yourself. Find the quiet areas. Find your way around; it will give you more confidence to know where everything is, and how long it takes to get there.
5. There will be plenty of time to join societies later. While Freshers’ Week is when the societies are advertising and when they hold their “meet and greet” events, you don’t have to throw yourself into everything straight away (and if you don’t ever want to join a society, that’s fine too). It’s okay to take your time and get the feel of the place first. Plus, after Christmas a lot of societies have a second round of meet-and-greets that you can attend if you’re feeling more up to it after a term of settling in.
6. Stay in contact with home. Don’t cut yourself off from your support network, whether that is family or friends or whatever. Visit them, or have them visit you, if there’s time. Email; write letters; text; call. Whatever works for you. Remind yourself that you’re still connected, even if they live a long distance away. University is hard, and Freshers’ Week is - if you’re anything like me - the hardest part of all. Don’t feel like you have to face it alone unless you want to.
7. Arrive early to lectures. (And maybe scope out the locations in advance; see #4.) You obviously don’t want to be walking in late, but it can be daunting to arrive early as well. Remember, it’s okay to be waiting in the corridor for a few minutes before the doors open, or even arriving nearby and finding somewhere to hang around inconspicuously until it’s time to go in. Chances are other people will be doing this too.
8. Early on Saturday morning is a good time for grocery shopping. I tried shopping on Sundays as I thought it would be quieter, but honestly early on Saturday seems to be the quietest time in supermarkets. You may have to sacrifice a lie-in, but you get to avoid crowds. Pick whichever suits you best. Alternatively, late evening in 24-hour supermarkets works well. Plus, at the end of the day there are lots of things on discount from the fresh foods/bakery sections.
9. Seek help if you need it. Whatever form this comes in. It could be talking to new friends at university - even if it takes you a while, you will probably make them - or old friends/family at home, or a doctor or lecturer or student union rep or someone online or anyone or anything. Look after yourself. If you’re feeling homesick or stressed or scared or ill, do something about it. You are not alone, and it is okay to need help. Everyone needs help sometimes.
10. In short, be safe and be comfortable. Don’t feel like you’re doing it “wrong” because you’re not out socialising at all hours, or not doing things as most advice blogs and media representations would have you believe is “normal”. You are not the only one, I promise you. Take your time. Find your feet. In the bad times, remember that it won’t last forever. Find out what makes them bad, and when you feel up to it try and make a plan to avoid or manage that thing in future; e.g. if there was a specific trigger then how can you deal with that if it comes up again? In the good times, enjoy them. Celebrate them. Remember them. Find out what makes them good, and seek it out in future.
Good luck. I really hope it goes well for you.
Also, what the hell, message me on here if you want to talk.
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