Gone.

Gone.

[exchanyeolnightsky]

I miss you so much... I miss you more than anything.. I was a fool thinking you'd come running right back to me. Hah... But I wished, I wished and hoped. I wished upon every single 11:11 I looked at, upon every single dandelion I picked up on the streets, upon every shooting star and wishbone. 

I guess... I guess I won't get another chance, ever again. 

I... Did I matter? This time around I mean. Did I ever matter? Did you even like me? You were so cold to me... I didn't recognize this you.. At first you were sweet and liked talking to me but then.. Then all of a sudden you'd back away from my touches, as if I was on fire, as if it burned. You were always angry at me... I didn't know what to do but apologize to you. I felt like a fool in front of you, I didn't know how to act I didn't know how to make you like me again.. 

I destroyed everything we had the first time, maybe that's why you were like this... Were you afraid of being with me? Were you disgusted when you remembered things back then? You never allowed me to understand your feelings... I wanted to be there for you, I really did... But you got mad at me every time I tried.. 

I spend everyday crying now.. I know, I'm pathetic.. My heart hurts a lot nowadays.. I have no right to feel like this about you, I know. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being how I was the first time around. I'm sorry for being so hopeless this time, for forcing my feelings on you, for not being able to reach you and for angering you every time I saw you. 

This time though, I changed.. Matured.. I wanted to be happy, with you. All I really wanted was a chance to prove that to you. But... You didn't like it when I hugged you, held your hand, let alone the few first times where I kissed you. "no kisses" You said that.. I should have backed off right? I should have understood that you didn't want me at all. I tried being your friend but you didn't want that either.. I'm sorry for clinging to you when you didn't  want me around..

I miss you... I miss you so fucking much...

My stupid self makes my typist cry from these emotions I have. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being... 

I'll leave now though, so be happy, find happiness... Find nice friends who aren't selfish and that care for you a lot and know how to give you space. Find someone better than me. You have, right? Minseok.. I wish you two the best..

I haven't dared to click on your blog, I'm sorry I unfollowed you. It's selfish, but I couldn't stand the ache that settled in my chest when I saw you with him. I wish you happiness, but I do not want to see it when it's someone else making you happy... When it's someone else you're saying "I love you" to..

Well... I'll be gone from tumblr now.. I'll be on aim sometimes.. 

Goodbye, Kumaseop. AngelSeop.

Love,

Chanyeol.

[exchanyeolnightsky]

I'm leaving and this time it's for real.

Thank you to those who befriended me and took the time to talk to me.

I am sorry to those I have upset.

I wish you all the best in this new year and the many others that will come along.

Goodbye.

Love,

Chanyeol.