Expat Yourself

The trials and tribulations of two Americans in Edinburgh Follow us on twitter @expatyourself1

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The 9 Stages of Ordering Late-Night Palmyra Kebab

The 9 Stages of Ordering Late-Night Palmyra Kebab

If you don’t know what it is, Palmyra is the greatest kebab shop in the UK. We’re not biased because it’s in our neighbourhood, we say this simply because it is true.  Even during the day, when you are completely sober, getting food from Palmyra is great.  The service is fast, the food is tasty, and the staff is friendly. (But we admit, there is something about oddly satisfying about inhaling kebab at 2am)

The following steps explain the process of ordering Palmyra kebab, for those of you who have yet to indulge in this piece of heaven on earth.

Stage 1: Pre-drinking: Making the decision

You are a few drinks in, thinking about heading out with your friends, and whether you would like to admit it or not, you are probably setting expectations for the night. If you feel even the slightest pang of hunger, it’s 99.9% likely you should end up at Palmyra later on (so call of your premeditated booty call). You’d better make that decision now, because if you plan on being out late, you need to plan to leave in time to make it to the shop.  Depending on where you are going out, it can be quite the walk, but it’s always worth it. (But please, please, please, don’t degrade yourself to cabbing it to Palmyra)

Stage 2: Going out

You go out to the pub or club, have some fun, and dance the night away. Doing this all while knowing that you will be getting a kebab at the end of the night makes it all the more fun.

Stage 3: Leaving the club and heading to the shop

This is the time to get really excited. You’re almost there. So close! Now just make it there before it closes. (You may want to double check their hours before going out as some nights they close earlier than others.)

Stage 4: Ordering the kebab

Do you want a chicken kebab or donner kebab? Do you just want falafel? It’s all up to you. Make your decision and be ready to order or else everyone else in line will hate you (we definitely would) as you stare at the menu attempting to choose. Salad and sauce is a must.

*Order EXTRA SPICY*-- You’re drunk and your taste buds aren’t working properly so why not add some jalapenos to your kebab and make it even better. Trust us.

Stage 5: Eating the Kebab

This is the single best part of your night out. Enjoy it while it lasts. If you’re walking home with it, go ahead. Eat it on the way. We won’t judge. Try not to spill too much on yourself.

Stage 6: Wondering: “Am I getting Palmyra because I’m out, or did I go out so that I’d have an excuse to get Palmyra?”

This is a pseudo-existential crisis currently brewing in our own minds. And since you will (or do) love Palmyra as much as us, we can assure you that it will pop into your head at some point too. Drunk food is great, but Palmyra is a step above. Whatever the answer to the question is, who cares? You’re getting kebab from the people who know how to make the perfect one, and that’s all that really matters.

Stage 7: The Last Bite

In this moment, you notice how little there is left. It’s going to be gone soon, which is so upsetting but you have to finish it. Take that last bite, savour it, and get ready for…

Stage 8: The “I’m so sad it’s over” feeling

The kebab’s gone. What do you do now? It was so good and even though you’re probably not hungry, you want some more. You miss that precious kebab like you miss kindergarten nap time, or the days when you used to drink and wake up without a hangover. Just be strong, try not to think about it too much. It will only make you even more upset.

Stage 9: Going to bed dreaming about your next kebab

Because there will be a next time! Brush your teeth (maybe twice) and go to sleep thinking of the next time you’ll get Palmyra. Hey! Maybe next time you’ll even be sober. It can be a lunch thing. They’ve got a good menu besides their kebab/ take out menu but we still tend to stick with kebab even during the day. It’s even (almost) as good as it is at 2am.

Happy weekend! See you at Palmyra tonight..

xxxxxxx 

D&A

[expatyourself]

Pub Crawl Part Three: George Street (sans pretension)

Some nights, you just want to class it up, head to George Street (and the surrounding area), and party the night away.  Crowds seem to gravitate to WhyNot and Shanghai Club, given the lines are always so long, so they must be the places to be, right?

No. No no no.

If you want to avoid groups of horizontally gyrating 18 year olds and actually have a good (and not too messy) time, you should plan your route carefully.  There are plenty of respectable bars and pubs in the area to start your night, as well as places to dance the night away (once you’ve got a few drinks in you) that aren’t packed with Freshers having their first (official) year of alcohol fuelled experiences.

  Jekyll and Hyde

(112 Hanover St, Edinburgh EH2 1DR)

The thematic ambiance of this pub can be kind of cheesy, but is a must-see on the lengthy list of Edinburgh pubs. It has a calm atmosphere to start your night off but gets pretty crowded, without many seats, so you may want to get there early.  They’ve got a drink named after each deadly sin; if you want to start your night off with a milkshake, give the Sloth a try (strictly for those of you who do not suffer from a similar ailment to D’s lactose intolerance). It’s £4 and sure to fill you up.

  Queen’s Arms

(49 Frederick St, Edinburgh EH2 1EP)

Turn off of George onto Frederick Street and make your way down to this cozy, but lively, pub that serves a variety of drinks (and even some food if you’re still hungry after that Sloth at Jekyll and Hyde).  There are plenty of seats for you and your friends to catch up on each other’s lives as you begin your night out.  They’ve got some good drink prices too, breaking the George Street stereotype of being out of a reasonable price range.

  El Barrio

(47 Hanover St, Edinburgh EH2 2PJ)

If you want to dance the night away while lightly sipping (or downing) a rum and coke, like all great expats should, then there’s no better place to do it than El Barrio.  Back on Hanover Street, the DJ and his air horn will be there to entertain you and your friends (The air horn, a common sound used by DJs mixing music of the Latino variety, consists of three brief punches of air and can be heard in tracks by Don Omar, Daddy Yankee, and Pitbull, amongst other Reggaeton legends). Don’t be intimidated by the doorman asking to check the inside of your purse, the crowd is friendly and always up for fun. We’ve heard Barrio is renowned for their Mojitos, but we have never been there at a time when we feel like asking for one wouldn’t get us a glare from the bar staff.

  Bear in mind the McDonald’s on Princes Street closes at 3am on weekends, and cabs can be hard to come by after last call. But hopefully by following our suggestions, you won’t be in any rush to make it home.

  XXXXXXXXXX

D&A

[expatyourself]

Monday mornings...

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Café Crawl: Adventures of the Eternally-hungry

In our efforts to detoxify our bodies from the harmful effects of being a twenty-something, we will be focusing on food-related venues this week, rather than drinks-related venues. Never fear, our normal Pub Crawl will return next week. 

Breakfast: Hula Juice Bar

(103-105 W Bow, Edinburgh, EH1 2JP)

Since the last thing that you want after a night out is to dehydrate yourself first thing in the morning with coffee, the perfect place to cure a hangover (or preemptively detoxify) is the Hula Juice Bar. With a variety of fruit and vegetable juices and a warm, colorful, and cozy atmosphere, you may even be able to pretend you’re on a tropical island for a bit instead of in rainy Scotland on the cusp of March.

 Lunch: Le Café Bleu

(62 West Port, Edinburgh, EH1 2LD)

For a great student deal, look no further than Le Café Bleu.  At only £3.50 for good soup and toastie, you can’t ask for better. This quaint café, with a local owner who loves experimenting with new recipes, is a great place to enjoy lunch.  The owner enjoys chatting with his patrons so stop in, make a new friend, and maybe he’ll take some of your suggestions to heart when he decides to concoct a new menu item.

Dinner: Elephant House

(21 George IV Bridge, Edinburgh, EH1 1EN)

If you want to eat or drink in the place where JK Rowling (supposedly) wrote quite a bit of her Harry Potter novels, Elephant House is the place to go.  Although it may be a little pricier than some other coffeehouses/cafés, it has great baked potatoes and sandwiches along with an array of tea choices.  It may look crowded when you first enter, but if you make your way to the back you’ll find a larger room with even larger windows.  You might even get a tan on a particularly sunny day.  And if elephants are your thing, there are plenty of pictures on the wall for you to enjoy with your meal.  It’s probably best to head over there before the festival, so you can avoid the heaps of tourists who are sure to want to see this place with its claim to Harry Potter fame.

Later: Café Voltaire

(36 Blair St, Edinburgh, EH1 1QR)

So maybe we were lying a little about the whole detox thing…it’s the end of the day, it’s a weekend, we would like a drink.

The upstairs accompaniment to Cabaret Voltaire, Café Voltaire is laid-back, hip (but friendly), and offers great deals via the StudentRecommended App. On an average night, seats are available, but the music selection being spun by the DJ might take you out of that seat rather quickly.

  We absolutely love café culture and will definitely be suggesting more of our favorite spots as the weather gets nicer (any day now…)

[expatyourself]

Food Porn Fridays: Fiesta Edition

While we usually reserve our taco consumption to Tuesdays (aka Taco Tuesdays), sometimes you have to treat yourself. Here is what we are stuffing our faces with tonight-

Pulled Chicken Tacos with Mango Salsa 

  D’s Slow-cooker BBQ Pulled Chicken

(6) boneless skinless chicken breast

(1) bottle of BBQ sauce (D uses the HP BBQ Classic)

 1. Place chicken breasts into a slow cooker, and drench in BBQ sauce. Don’t be stingy! You don’t have to use to whole bottle though. I usually use a little more than ¾ of it and leave some leftover just in case some more needs to be added for taste later.

2. Turn slow cooker on low and leave for 6-7 hours

3. After 7 hours, use two forks to shred the chicken

4. Leave the chicken in the slow cooker, and give it a stir, so that excess BBQ sauce will continue to drench the meat. Spoon onto a tortilla (or bread, or a salad, or pizza, or by itself) and enjoy!

We recommend garnishing your taco with a mango salsa. This salsa is one of A’s secret weapons-

A’s Mild Mango Salsa

(1) mango, diced

(4-5) medium tomatoes, diced

(1/2) medium red onion, diced

(1) avocado, diced

Coriander, chopped, to taste

(1-2) limes, juiced, to taste

Salt to taste

Combine all ingredients, and mix well with spoon.

Note: As with most recipes A has authored, feel free to alter proportions ‘to taste’...if you prefer a sweeter salsa add more mango, if you would like to add some spice try adding some diced fresh jalapeño

Bon Appétit expat-ers!

[expatyourself]

Check out our guest blog post on ScotBloggers for first-date suggestions in Edinburgh!

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Food Porn Fridays

 mmmmm goooey

In efforts to further domesticate herself, D has taken up a recent hobby of brownie baking. One of our favorites from this week's selection is the gooey hotmess pictured above.

We would definitely recommend following the specification for a 9x13 size pan.

For the recipe, click here. Thanks amybites!

[expatyourself]

Pub Crawl Part Two: Valentine’s Day Edition

Spoiler alert: this post is not for couples.

Due to a lucky draw, Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this year (which is the best news for the single community since the launch of Tinder in 2012). Because of this, we don’t have to stay in, resenting our coupled up friends for having plans. This coming Friday, as with any Friday night, it’s time to party! 

A few tips- 

Stop checking your Tinder and OkCupid after 12pm Friday (Thursday night for those of you with self-control)

Round up the biggest group of your girlfriends possible (but not the ones who will complain the entire night of the lack of testosterone present)

Put on something hot, but not too hot, because you don’t want to look desperate

  9:00 PM The Beehive Inn

(18-20 Grassmarket, Edinburgh, EH1 2JU)

If you were lucky enough to snag tickets for this Friday’s comedy show, good for you, otherwise Beehive is still a good place to start your night. With its friendly, non-intimidating crowd, the Beehive Inn emits good vibes, and drinks flow liberally enough to take the edge off of this holiday (for those of you who need it).

Starting at Beehive this early means you should be able to get somewhere cozy to sit, and if you are lucky, the dancing may even start by 10pm (This is not a dance floor on which you should feel the need to twerk, grind, look hot, or anything of that manner. This might be a good time to do your best sprinkler or running man.)

What to drink: For a fast-acting, potent drink, turn to the Thistly Cross Cider (7.2% ABV)

What to do: Find a seat, have a nice drink, maybe meet a Stag party, and if the urge hits, dance a bit

  11:00 PM Revolution Edinburgh

(30A Chambers St, Edinburgh, EH1 1HU)       

While we don’t always end up here on a Friday night, the folks at Revolution seem to be getting it right this Valentine’s Day. The bar is hosting an anti-Valentine’s Day party, under the name of “We <3 Good Times” (well duh, who doesn’t). The event’s catchy tagline says it all- “It’s not you, it’s Friday”. Because let’s be real, Friday is not the night to be coupled up, staying in, trying to impress a date in the hopes that your budding romance will blossom, or being stuck in polite- but boring- conversation. Friday is the time to forget the troubles of last weekend (troubles, not regrets, as we have vowed to not have any of those), and your less than satisfying workweek, over rounds of shots and pints!

What to drink: Vodka, and lots of it. On Friday, their Happy Days drink specials are usually still around, so their yummy cocktails are £3.50

What to do: The music selection on the dance floor usually has a decent amount of cheez happening, but watch out for the ejaculating fog machine that disperses asthma-inducing fog every 5 minutes

  1:00 AM Capital Bar + Club 

(184 Cowgate, Edinburgh, EH1 1JJ)

After Revolution closes at the oft-surprising time of 1am, the time is ripe to head to Edinburgh’s most romantic street- Cowgate. While dodging puddles of vom and attempting not to get your heel caught in the many potholes, it is quite possible to find your soul mate (perhaps the accomplished street musician playing the wooden xylophone, or the liberally liquored lad stumbling out of Three Sisters). Regardless of your type, you are sure to find your match at Capital- Edinburgh’s premiere late-night spot for aspiring exotic dancers (nothing screams romance more than a stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor). If the racy dancing upstairs doesn’t suit you, lounging options are available in the downstairs bar area, as is a cozy smokers patio.

What to drink: Upgrade your drink to a double for £1 extra

What to do: Avoid desperate scumbags and your own 2am desperation

  Make sure you go to bed hydrated enough to wake up sans-mega hangover the next morning…because the best part of the Valentine’s season is Galentine’s Day, traditionally celebrated the day before or after Valentine’s Day! We will be celebrating our femininity by indulging in an endless brunch and copious amounts of wine spritzers.

xxxxx

D&A

[expatyourself]

Pub Crawl Part One: Old Town Edition

It’s February 6, so say “Kia Ora” to your Kiwi friends because it’s Waitangi Day! It’s also our favorite weekly holiday, Thirsty Thursday! We don’t mean to brag, but despite sometimes habitually ending up at a venue later mentioned, our Thursday nights are usually pretty epic. After A’s long day on the job, she tends to need quite a few drinks. So to kick off a series of pub crawl recommendations, we’re going to share with you one that is based in Edinburgh’s Old Town. 

8:00PM Under the Stairs

You start your night meeting one of your budding Tinder-romances at Under the Stairs, a cozy cocktail bar nestled off of Candlemaker Row, near Grassmarket. With seating options that let you get cozy or keep your distance and music that’s not too loud, this is an optimal location for meeting someone for the first time.

What to order: fine selection of small plates, Tempranillo Rosé (because rosé makes us…...)

What to do: judge your date for which cocktail he orders

  10:00PM** The Tron (the pub, not the church)

**Does the date go well? Then you may not make it to Tron until later. But seriously, leave by 11pm. In this scenario, this is a first date with a guy you met on Tinder.

After deciding the drinks are better than this guy’s chat, you ditch the dud to meet up with your girlfriends at The Tron, a friendly pub with a student vibe. Cheap drinks and cheesy music, what more could you want for an early night hangout? It’s best to go here with a group, as the crowd’s usually pretty low key.

What to order: there are always some good deals on Carlsberg, but drink specials vary

What to do: stumble over the next morning for a full Scottish breakfast and coffee for less than a fiver

  1:00AM Espionage

By this point of the night, you should be sufficiently lubricated enough to stop giving any f*cks, and are probably looking for a crowded-high-energy place where your embarrassing running-man dance moves will be comparatively advanced to the moves of the other patrons.

Affectionately referred to as “The ‘Nage (pronounced nahhj)”, this 5-floor bar pseudo-club boasts eligible (visiting) bachelors, awful guilty pleasure music that you won’t mind belting out at 2am, and a Pringles machine that, historically, used to dispense Pringles (Get your shit together Espionage, the Pringles machine has been sold out for 3 weeks now!)

It is recommended that you leave Espionage without new company, so come 2:30am, find your girlfriend, peel her face away from the Eastern European she’s been making out with for the past hour, and head home. Staying until the last-call lights come on is almost as bad as seeing your pictures on Facebook the next day.

What to drink: who cares?

What to do: do you really need a suggestion at this point of the night?

  So now that you’ve got our suggestions, get over yourself, and go out and have fun! Everyone else here is doing it.

  Kia Ora,

D and A

  P.S. We’ll be making more pub crawl suggestions every week, so you’ll have so many places to pick and choose from that you won’t know what to do.

[expatyourself]

It's Saturday and we woke up with mild no hangovers!!!!

[expatyourself]

No Regrets 2014

As two girls from the land of the free, but not free health care, we started our journey in Edinburgh with certain preconceptions. What began with fantasies of living abroad, traveling Europe, writing a memoir in a café in Prague, and falling in love with a brawny Scotsman, somehow turned into a three-month bender that left us strapped for cash, romantically jaded, and running behind on our impending university deadlines.

After the massive disappointment that was Edinburgh’s Hogmanay Street Party, despite the fireworks nearly justifying for the £25 admission fee, we woke up with massive hangovers, and a slight urge for CAW-FEE (coffee), American bacon, and pancakes. Continuing to remember (or not remember) what we did post-Street Party, we felt a slight tinge of embarrassment, as we are sure many other people did. After recalling the bars we went to, the random people we kissed, and the sloppy fun we had, it seemed like the opportune moment to make goals for the year ahead.

Like everyone else, we made some very cliché New Year’s resolutions, and as you may have found yourself, had broken them all midway through January.

Resolution #1: Get Healthy

Whether it’s the all-encompassing “I’m going to get healthy this year”, or something more specific, like a number of times you are going to commit to going to the gym, it seems like this is a resolution every human being on the planet makes, or at least thinks about, on January 1st. Ourselves included.

In the cold weather of January, the only viable option is signing up for the gym, or buying a collection of exercise DVDs. The crowds at the gym are enormous, and although the first two days aren’t bad, you soon start to dread going. Perhaps you are always on the go, like us, and find yourself needing a short, crazy, mind blowing workout that you DEFINITELY feel the next day. Case in point- the wonderful Zuzana a  drill sergeant toning guru, who will make you question exactly how fit you are.

We thought committing to a diet plan would be fulfilling, but it is not quite as fulfilling as devouring a plate of chocolate chip cookies garnished with a jar of Nutella. Quitting cold turkey after nearly a month-long indulgence of delicacies and libations makes January seem like one of the least logical months to start a new diet. While you may feel that your stomach has stretched during the holiday season, it is probably better to start slow to get back to the normal amount you were eating pre-Christmas Season. However, if you are thinking of starting a diet program you have to pay for, this is most likely the best time to do it due to seasonal deals and discounts.

But the plate of chocolate chip cookies is probably still the most fulfilling option.

Resolution #2: Drink Less 

A concept foreign to us Americans, Dry January is a challenge “to go booze free for 31 days in January”.

Seriously? Seriously? Right after NYE, you’re just going to go cold turkey? We get that Dry January is for a good cause, and can appreciate the money it may save you, but we think the allure of drinking in this less-than-sunny January outweighs the benefits of a month of sobriety. After all, with Re-Freshers Week (Syllabus Week in the USA), Australia Day, and the absence of the ridiculous holiday crowds, we say, why deprive yourself?

Resolution #3: Fall in Love

This is the one that every single 20-something and older makes. For us, holidays can be the most trying and lonely time of the year. You plead the fifth to relatives when they ask you about relationships, and secretly hope that this will be your year.

If this is going to be your year, it will be. And if not, you should just have as much fun as you can and not worry about it. Trust us, you are way more attractive when you aren’t intentionally trying to eye every eligible bachelor/bachelorette in the bar.

Coincidentally, this is the resolution we have the least trouble with. We fall in love every Saturday night at the pub. Our 20-minute relationships are the stuff of legends. However, forcing yourself to fall in love with someone is nearly as excruciating as finishing your night with two double shots of tequila, and probably a bigger letdown than thinking you are going to have fun with the yuppies at Opal Lounge. So instead of adding the pressure of finding your soulmate in the 45 days between New Year’s and Valentine’s Day, why not focus on loving the most important person in your life- yourself!

Now excuse me while I go browse my OkCupid matches.

In efforts to end our post on an overwhelmingly insincere uplifting note, we propose an alternative to the resolutions listed above- have no regrets! It doesn’t mean that you should do as much stupid shit as humanly possible, just don’t regret it if you accidentally do. After all, dignity is overrated, and we lost ours a long time ago.

  XXXXXXXXXXXXX (we aren’t sure how these x’s work quite yet)