🙏🏼

praying through life

[experienceverything]

Мαכнiανеιιi'ѕ ргiисе

No matter how repulsive this sounds

To be full of love and goodness inside

To forgive and forget all false pride

It's still the best decision to make

Than to be similar to earthquake

Wreck and destroy, ruin and tear apart

Families and friendships

Your own heart

[experienceverything]

Riddιε iח тне dαгк

"Going through a tunnel is the hardest part"

You're being fooled

It's the preparation before going in

When you forget to remember little things that'll get you through it

Clouds that are brighter than the sky after sunset

Light breeze on your skin just before the storm

Folded hands and warmth in your chest

How can you forget things like these?

If it comes with confusion

It's not from God

If it makes you peaceful

All glory to Him

[experienceverything]

Lοѕт ιονε

Is love risky

Or is it risky to avoid it

When you know

What the right thing to do is

Who will you influence

By the decision not to do it

So don't let love be lost

But take it and hold it close

[experienceverything]

Rеם αѕ Βισσם

Many times I've reached a point

Where I've brought myself to the edge

Looked straight ahead

Saw red stop signs

But still chose to jump rather than wait

And

Many will say I shine so bright

Like I'm some source of light

I'm sorry, it is my fault no one sees it is You

That shines through these cracks

Through the wretch that I am

And

Why should I keep worrying

About what will happen tomorrow

If You're already there and You've won

With the Blood that washed all my wrongs

Redeemer of my faults

[experienceverything]

Σקוקhαהγ

Feeling so light

Light as feather

Even lighter

Like butterfly

One bliss moment

Reassuring

That what I live for

Will last

Simple as that

So I just smile

Close my eyes and

Just like that

Walk hand in hand

With You my God

'Cause wherever You take me

It will be better than what I've outlined

[experienceverything]

İṅṅọcėṅcė

Filthy minds surrounding us

Worldly things so promising

Dark is calling: "Hop on bus!"

Will I be here till morning?

Searching for a path

Seeking for a truth

Many words are popping up

But nothing fills me like You

Sleepy heart becomes awake

And these poor lungs have a clue

How am I still alive

It's because of You

You make things new

From filth to pure

From death to Life

So...thank You

[experienceverything]

Aren't we all? I mean, aren't we all a little lost? Or a lot. What's the difference anyway when the feeling is still the same. When all we can say is: "Oh, I don't know what to do, to say, to think, to be." Who am I to speak?

Because lately I do feel found, safe and ready for whatever is coming. Like I'll somehow know what to do or say, think or be. Or nothing. Just be gone. Just be done.

But whatever awaits me I can not wait for it to be on the go.

26.7.2021. - writing while not lost in space

[experienceverything]

I don't have much time right now to write down everything I got. So I'll be quick.

I have to pack my things for the trip next week.

Right now I have to get ready to go out.

Also get some sleep later to be able to wake up in the morning. All set to run through yet another day.

So much to do. But that is what I prayed for. To be busy and in rhythm. Just like a tiger. In danger and fast. Out of breath right now because of the happiness that I felt.

Ok, goodbye. Till another run.

24.7.2021. - writing while lost in the jungle

[experienceverything]

Just a minute ago I've read something that some guy, Charles Spurgeon, said. It goes: "Consider how precious a soul must be, when both God and the devil are after it."

Now, imagine a bookshelf with many books, then a book with manymany stories and stories with even more words. That's us. Humans. Think about it. If others don't pull you out of your comfort place, crumple and even tear you apart, one or more times by their own hands, you would just be all dusty and... Boring honestly. Nobody would know who you are, what you think, do you even have a soul inside those beautiful layers. Because... And I'm not saying this only 'cause I wanna prove you something or convince you about whatever, I'm just writing down my late night thoughts, and I know you know how that goes.

Anyway. What I'm trying to say is, because everyone has the chance to change your appearance it doesn't mean they have the authority to change your story. It is all already written out. And now only God and the devil are the ones trying to, either save or destroy you.

Yeaaaah, we meet people who are bad of course, evil why not, people who would do anything just to hurt you. And we also meet people who know how to take care of a precious book, turn your world around for another page just so that you feel the love they felt. But there is also you. Not an object but a human. Someone who also has the opportunity to help someone. You know? Dust someone's part of the shelf. Gently take them by their covers and do good. I only hope there are more people like that on this world.

23.7.2021. - writing about light dusting

[experienceverything]

Today was ROUGH. A storm visited, just as I had hoped. Raindrops danced everywhere that, at one point, you could even see them going upwards. It was fun to watch them, when I tell you (even tho it felt a bit unusual). As it was cold in the house, I thought that snow had visited us too soon.

How people do things in their time, so does the time do things in its time. And I think that's the most frightful and most calming way to live life. Both at the same time. Being fright and calm. We never know when the sun will shine. In the noon or at the night. When will the leaves fall? As soon as they turn green?

In this time, on this planet, things are upside down. As far as I know. I believe it was much better before. But how could I know that? I didn't live before so that I would know now.

And just like first snow, I have hope to see kids and people smile again. Because everything right now seem so dark and far away from my reach. Oh God how I wish time and things didn't exist. But You have reasons.

20.7.2021. - writing about first snow

[experienceverything]

Coming back to you 2nd time this day feels like I'm screaming for some company. I'm so sorry if I'm boring. But I need to know...

Are you alive? I mean, this feels absurd. Talking to a diary, writing on you, spilling some tears and watching them disappear. If so easily they dry, aren't you tired of absorbing everything inside? Where does it all go? Are you like a cat... You know, living till all of your lives are spent. All 9 of them. So quick they disppear. Just like my tears.

I'm sorry again, for starting this heavy topic. I know it's hard for you to even answer or understand me. 'Cause you are, in the end, a piece of paper. Paper that can take in much more than we all think. And even tho I know you can't hear me (shhh that's a lie, I just don't want for people to think I'm crazy talking to you, about you) I know that with my words I can keep you alive. So I'll write as long as you want me to. Just give me a sign. Are you alive?

19.7.2021. - writing about 9 lives

[experienceverything]

As I'm standing on the balcony, looking down on the parking lot, it feels easier to look at the sky through a reflexion of the car window. They are too bright for me. Those clouds. White as a snow. One would say, innocent as a child. Perhaps last night's evil thoughts clouded my eyes.

I thought I was far away from it, but that doesn't matter because that addiction was, and still is, here in me. No matter how hard I try, how long I pray, it is like a chewing gum. Hard to remove. And even if I did, it is hard to clean off. Those remains invoke for new tenants.

But on the bright side (not the cloud one), a storm is brewing. I don't know why, but as a child I couldn't wait to feel the sadness, the pain in my chest, to find the definition of depression on my own. And now, when all of that is present, I can not wait for rain to clean me. From inside out. Through the reflection of my mind.

19.7.2021. - writing about evil thoughts

[experienceverything]

Just last night she was talking about all that she went through. She told me: "Don't be dumb. When your aunt tells you. You know what snakes are like when you approach their nest.". And you know how people change? Their hearts turn to stone as the time goes on? Well I don't know from what hers is made of, but it only got "meatier". (I feel the defenition of love when I'm near her). There is now a little bit of everything inside of it.

Wounds that healed, scars that were once covered in silver linings, even birds who are calm, singing a sad song. Not sad because her life was "tragic", or because she was "alone". Than in spite of it, how she went through all of it first thinking that there is no bad person in this world, secondly how there was one that was good.

And it was her. She hasn't changed for worse, only got stronger and smarter. "Keep all four eyes open" she tells me. Just as she had changed, so has everyone's life that came in contact with hers. And I hate to listen to her talking about her heart breaking, and how she got ill because of it. Literally ill! I wish I was there to help, to hug her. I couldn't be, but now I am. Thank God she is still alive, breathing, birds chirping.

After this long evening of talking non stop, tomorrow I'll ask her about the thing she told me to ask her, 'cause as she says: "I'll forget what question you have for me. You know, I'm getting older and these bones are the proof."

18.7.2021. - writing about silver linings

[experienceverything]

i got life

you got freedom

even tho years passed

i'm still wondering about

why am i supposed to be chasing time

how can it become easier to breathe

air around me that you are now touching

i feel you in my lungs

filling the blank space

keeping me alive

your touch

all i need

all i feel

'cause i got life

and you are free

[experienceverything]

i don't understand

the mess in your environs

you getting angry at me

yelling like police sirens

it won't return the moment

where i could have changed

the movement

of my body

or the meaning

of my words

my head still hurts

and i know for sure

echoes will stay

even when i win

and defeat the defeat

only enemy that remains

[experienceverything]

i walk cluelessly

thinking what would happen

if i just let it be

yes the change will be done

but i might end up somewhere

i wouldn't want to be

lost in the labyrinth

searching for something

out of it

walking and walking

constantly

exhausting but somehow fulfilling

honestly

[experienceverything]

insanity keeps me in check

'cause when i scream

i feel the change

many thoughts rushed at once

my mind was turbulent

i survived no doubt

no hard feelings

towards my struggles

they the only ones

that made me stronger