Is Tumblr aware of Count Binface, current hope for our nation?
Let me explain:
Grotesque fascist grifter, Nigel Farage, is the leader of Reform, the racist far right party he created because UKIP got what it wanted (Brexit) and it sucked.
Having tried and failed to be an MP many times (but somehow getting more screentime than any Liberal Democrat or Green politician), he finally succeeded in the last election because people were so overwhelmingly pissed off with the Conservatives, and many right-wing people saw Reform as the new Conservative Party; partly because it's full of rejects from the Conservative Party.
Speculation: he doesn't really want to be an MP, he wants to be a fascist grifter. He's annoyed by suggestions he do things like Be In His Constituency and Serve His Constituents.
He's recently been caught having accepted a VERY large amount of money from some unsavory people that he insists was a totally legitimate 'donation' and not breaking any rules.
Only it did break the rules and it's very clear that it did and things are in motion to hold him to account.
To avoid this, he has resigned as an MP, saying this is a protest at his treatment by the 'establisment' (he is a rich fascist grifter, but he likes to cosplay as a Man of the People). This has triggered a by-election, in which he is standing, with the hope that the people of his constituency will either elect him in a resounding win, indicating they don't care that he's corrupt (having not heard everything the investigation is uncovering), or someone from Labour or the Conservatives will win and he can swan off to America, free to grift again because of what the 'establishment' did to him.
Only, all the major political parties have agreed not to stand, stating openly that this is an obvious stunt and they won't legitimise it. So if he doesn't win, he can't say it was because he was too much of a rebel and the Establishment went against him, he'll just be a loser, which doesn't play too well with the right-wingers he wants to grift. And if he does get back in the investigation will go forward without any kind of 'mandate' from his constituency buoying him up.
But. There is another option.
COUNT BINFACE IS RUNNING.
Count Binface is part of the grand British tradition of joke candidates who stand as a protest option. They usually don't get enough votes to get their deposit back (which is supposed to deter unserious people) but they don't care, because DEMOCRACY.
Of course, Count Binface has never won, but it is hilarious to see a completely serious pathetic fascist concede defeat while standing next to a man with a bin on his head to whom they are democratically equal.
But if nobody else is standing. And if enough people in Clacton-on-Sea are finally cheesed off enough with Farage not doing anything for them, there is just a chance that one of the funniest things to ever happen in politics will happen.
Imagine. Imagine for just a moment that the Grotesque Fascist not only loses, but loses to Count Binface.
The crazy thing about the Heated Rivalry fandom is there is so much fanfic that I can afford to be incredibly picky. I'm drowning in wealth and acting like it's worthless.
Anybody have any more fic recs for Hollanov publicly flirting before theyāre out or even together? Some amazing examples below:
Rivals or Pulling Pigtails by Music_Feeds_My_Soul
WIP 3/4 15K Rated: T
Or, after Shane is outed by a teammate, Ilya decides to bin their ten-year plan to publicly woo his boyfriend as if they arenāt already dating.
The public predictably loses its mind.
Many more Recs below the cut
Boyfriend Auditions by TwentyFirstCenturyJane
WIP 5/? 27K Rated: E
Or: Shane has come out as gay, and Ilya isn't going to let that opportunity pass him by.
#DontYouDareFuckingFreeMe by Airuna
4/4 24K Rated: T
āWe do not say anything about the Hollander situation,ā LeClaire tells them even though it sounds like heās already resigned to what he knows is going to happen.
ā¦
āJust one second,ā he answers without raising his eyes from his phone or stopping his typing. āNeed to get my Jane to agree with something. Sheās very stubborn.ā
Or. My take on the 'their text leak and now everybody thinks that Shane is an abusive bastard' premise. Featuring Ilya giving a presser, Marly realizing in real time who 'Jane' is and the internet reacting to the craziness.
shot at the night by idkimtired
WIP 12/23 41K Rated: Unrated
@ russianbear clove
roz is so fucking funny man had two seconds to process and he spent them thinking about how to get that ass
@ icemenace Ro - he's so real
@ shaneybugbug Libby - oh he's been WAITING for this
ā¦
or - Shane Hollander comes out and Ilya loses his mind
āāāāā
Tangentially Related but great similar vibes:
Totally Real Canadian Boyfriendā¢ļø by hermacology
1/1 17K Rated: T
The more serious Ilya gets about his Totally Real Canadian Boyfriendā¢ļø, the more concerned his teammates become that someone either needs to call MTV and get him on the next episode of Catfish or that he's slowly losing his mind.
Operation O Canada, or The Hollander-Rozanov Method of Soft Launching a Marriage by robbinscinquefoil
8/8 118K Rated: T
In 2017, Shane Hollander spirals and proposes to his boyfriend of 4 days (or 7 years, or 9 years, or not his boyfriend at all, depending on how you look at it), which leads to a lot of plans, weird theories in the Montreal Voyageur locker room, some Twitter drama, and Ilya Rozanov entering his WAG era.
The Blueprint by FyrestoneSiren
2/2 19K Rated: M
After Shane comes out, the Metros become convinced he might be attracted to them.
Shane corrects this assumption with devastating precision, accidentally describes Ilya Rozanov in the process, and somehow turns the entire locker room into a deranged pageant of heterosexual insecurity.
āOh, just that Ilya and I have been fucking for, like, a decade.ā Shane said, nonplussed.
JJās jaw dropped. Hayden let out a weird, choking sound. Troy started laughing, but it also sounded like he was crying. Wyatt and Cliff looked at each other, huge smiles taking over their faces.
āHeās who I had sex with this morning,ā Shane continued, oblivious to the tableās reactions. āTwice.ā He added cheerfully.
Conjoined Rooms by manyfandomsmember
1/1 3K Rated: M
Ilya accidentally stays the night.
Hayden Pike manages to open a locked door and is now demanding answers.
Modern Lockets by princepixel
1/1 35K Rated: M
In the year between the Cottage and the Centaurs, Ilya misses Shane more than ever. Svetlanaās teenage cousin offers a coping method: Kpop-style Shane Hollander photocards to stare at all day long. It's a shame carrying around pictures of fellow hockey players is just not socially acceptable.
ā¦At least, not yet.
(AKA: Ilya's mission to desensitize the hockey world to his Hollander fanboyisms, and the NHL players that suffer for it.)
Shall We Talk About Home? by OtherWaysHome
2/2 5K Rated: G
āMy boyfriend thinks Iām an idiot,ā Ilya says. "Well, not really but a bit, maybe.ā
āYour boyfriend?ā Sandra, the queer studies professor sits down, hard.
āYes, he thinks it is not smart to say faggot in the locker room when you are locked in the closet and Russia has the keys.ā
ā¦
Sent to Queer Studies 101 to appease twitter. Because heād been cancelled. For being a homophobe. If was fucking ridiculous.
āāāāā
Honestly only barely related to this list but I just love these:
Trending #Hollanovorce by fabulousweirdo
1/1 4K Rated: T
The online discourse around Hollanov spans a wide range of people, places, and topics. But there is always one constant.
#HOLLANOVORCE just will not stop trending.
Snapping Birch by thepolysyndetonaddictsupportgroup
WIP 7/? 72K Rated: M
Shandry's Third @shaneybaby
uhhh so im on r/shanehollander rn and some guy is claiming to have cloned shaneās dadās phone and uploaded it to the internet?? has anyone else clicked on this link will it give me a virus if i do
Things are bad for trans people in the UK right now, but there's one party who actually has our backs.
It's all good to make comics complaining about how screwed things are, but I want to see real change in this country. I'm finally putting my money where my mouth is, and I implore you to do the same if you can.
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I'm on the rising storm again now. The way this book (and all of the high republic books) gives you these small hopeful victories for the jedi. In the midst of the carnage going on around them. The authors are incredible at making us feel things. Especially when I know how this book ends.
I'm on board with Devon and Rylee in a romantic way. But it being an unhealthy, toxic relationship. It being another thing that is pushing Devon to the dark side.
Devon developing unhealthy levels of attachment to Rylee. Other than Maul he's the only one she has left.
Rylee becoming afraid of Devon's power and what she's willing to to do.
It is SOOO funny that the only plot hook for any Star Wars show that Lucasfilm has been able to come up with since Clone Wars is āgive adult man some sort of child (preferably force-sensitive or force-adjacent)ā. Like itās TCW, itās Rebels, itās The Mandalorian, itās TBB, itās even The goddamn Acolyte.
And that entire time, literally since his resurrection, Maul has been begging for that to happen to him and the narrative just goes lol no. Starts out with trying to force Savage into the apprentice role, tries it on Ahsoka in season 7 after Savage is dead, spends an entire season of Rebels trying and failing to get Ezra to join him, and now he has his own goddamn show and the narrative is still adamantly refusing to hand him that child. All the other father figures get a kid in their first or second episode, and Maulās sitting here at the season finale of the fourth show heās been in, still apprenticeless
Soft butch Jane Hollander finally cutting her nearly hip length hair into a choppy razored wolf cut/shag and Lilya Rozanova legitimately forgetting how to breathe as she slams her rum and coke at a stupid bar in Tampa in a dress she thought would be funny but now looks stupid because god, sheās never even seen Jane in pants let alone the smudgy eyeliner and crisp button down with the sleeves rolled up and wide leg trousers, sunglasses tucked in her cleavage and oh my god, is she wearing a black lacy bra? Can she actually see Jane Fucking Hollanderās Bra ā¢? Did her awful fucking movie star boyfriend make her change her image?? If he did it would be a weird choice because prissy, perfectly feminine, princess Jane looks gay now. Really fucking gay.
Liliya Rozanova is topless when Jane walks into the changing room. Jane squawks at the sight of Liliya's naked back - tanned, toned, dotted with moles - and Liliya only peers over her shoulder, unfazed by the noise. Jane averts her eyes as far away as possible, not risking seeing more of Liliya who seems to have no qualms turning around even further to face Jane.
Liliya Rozanova has a mole diagonal to her left nipple. Not that Jane is purposefully peeking.
read jane having a lesbian crisis here
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