You're pinned to the bed by your mass. The space your sweaty, heavy body takes up makes the mattress sag, the sheer volume of you too much for clothes to cover. Every inch is swollen with fluid logged flesh, unable to bend your elbows or knees lest you disturb the heavy nodes of fat hanging off of them. Standing as a concept is obsolete to you, knowing your bulbous knees would give way the moment they're subjected to any pressure
Maybe a few months (or years. days blend together when you're bed-bound) ago, you could manage to roll over on your side, relieve your lard swaddled chest of your weighty breasts for a moment to breathe some air. Raise your arms above your head for a few precious minutes, allowing air to flood your sweat love handles. Maybe even stand and waddle the handful of steps to the kitchen for an evening snack. Now you have to remain still, completely, propped up against the headboard, arms splayed against your mountainous sides, lest you disturb the oxygen cannula stretched across your massive gut and past your widened hips.
As it turns out, grease sugar and salt make for very poor, very weak blood circulation. There's hardly any sensation in your hands. If I could've had your feet chopped off thanks to your rising glucose levels ages ago and you'd have no idea. And you're always sweating, waves of heat rocking your rolls and pudgy, swollen face constantly. Your fat makes for a good insulator when its cold out and the only thing protecting you from the elements is a thin bed-sheet, but the constant burning and perspiration makes can be overwhelming.
None of these sensations bother you, however, more than the constant throbbing ache in your apron gut. You require almost 3 times the amount of water than an average size person does to stay hydrated and alert (to which you are neither) but sugary sodas and frosted milkshakes are just so much more enticing (and dehydrating, leaving you both parched and sugar brain-ed). They trigger that vastness. That need in your stomach for more, a constant onslaught of calories.
I wonder if I'm like a ghost to you, sometimes. Wandering in, flipping you over and fucking you, feeding you, blessing you with food and drink like an angel every few hours. After the third stroke, your speech was impaired and I'm sure your brain struggles to comprehend that I don't leave you alone for days to starve, often no more than an hour or two at a time. Still, your sleep compressed eyes light up at the sight of me with two greasy fast food bags, a funnel and a pitcher, or your hot pink vibrator.
I cuddle close to you, pushing myself into your fleshy space. I feel your heart thumping beneath the folds, palpatations rising as I kiss your second chin softly. "Good morning, pretty girl," I stroke your sagging, lumpy breast and you attempt to wheeze out a greeting. "I made some zeppoles...you want me to bring you a nice, big plate?"
I see hesitation. A brief, flicker of self awareness. I almost expect a response you would've given when we first met. "I don't need it, baby, I'm trying to shed a few." "What, you trying to blow me up?" You know you don't need sweets. But the time for exercise and nutrition came and went. And you know that. As soon as the consciousness came, it's gone, and you're nodding at me, flushed and lustfully hungry. I rub your rough, bumpy stomach, skin taught and red. Stretchmarks disappear into your lower apron, trickling to the sides of your love handles. Your sausage fingers weakly grasp at a doughnut and I stop you, grabbing it from your weak palm and pushing it past your lips. You chew, weakly, peace briefly washing over you as fried dough and sugar trickle down your chins.
"Good girl," I hum as you moan, softly, circling your hard, bare nipple. "This is good. This is what you want."
And as much as you try to deny it, deep down, you know that I'm right.