Becoming the “It” girl: using science to redefine your identity
A longer post today but I’m excited about this one!
I like to define an "It Girl" as someone who embodies the highest version of oneself, a created identity that reflects your most aspirational qualities and personal vision of success and confidence.
However, this post isn’t bout conforming to standards or expectations but rather embodying the best version of who you imagine yourself to be.
Today, I wanted to talk about how social science-based principles like self-presentation, cognitive dissonance, and identity alignment can help u become an“It Girl” in our own lives and achieve the identity you’ve been desiring.
Our identity impacts all areas of our life; it’s the person we think we are and how we communicate that to others.
For example, if you see yourself as confident and capable, you are more likely to approach challenges with a positive attitude and take risks that lead to growth.
On the other hand, if you view yourself as unworthy, you are more likely to shy away from opportunities and not reach your full potential.
Our identity manifests as how we present ourselves to the world, including our body language, communication styles, and behavior.
In addition, our identities are constantly changing as we grow and evolve, influenced by our experiences, goals, and relationships with the people around us. This is why it’s important to continue to refine your personal brand and set standards for yourself to stay authentic.
Taking the time to evaluate our current identity and identifying areas where we can make changes is a good way to get aligned with our highest selves. We can ask ourselves questions such as:
How do I describe myself in three words?
What are my core values and beliefs?
How do I typically respond to challenges and setbacks?
What are my strengths and weaknesses?
How do I feel about my abilities and potential for success?
How do I present myself to others in social and professional settings?
What is my body language like in different situations (e.g., confident, reserved)?
How do I communicate with others (e.g., assertive, passive, aggressive)?
What kind of feedback do I receive from others about my behavior and attitude?
Do my actions align with the person I want to be?
How do I handle criticism and praise?
What goals do I have for personal and professional growth?
What is Self-Presentation?
Self-presentation involves the things we do to portray a particular image of ourselves; it’s how we dress, speak, behave, and present ourselves in different contexts. Our self-presentation is closely linked to our identity because it shapes how others perceive us, which can influence how we see ourselves.
Projecting the identity we want and living by our values and beliefs requires consistent management of our self-presentation. Our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions should reflect those of the identity we’re internalizing.
For example, if your identity is someone who is stylish, you’ll want to curate your wardrobe in a way that reflects that. In a similar context, if your new identity is someone who’s highly education you might start to spend some of your free time reading books, articles, newsletters, etc.
It’s all about helping to align how others see us with how we see ourselves.
Although other people’s opinions shouldn’t dictate our lives, a big part of our identity is shaped by how others view us. Their feedback can either affirm or refute what we’ve internalized to be true.
Here are some techniques for mastering self-presentation and how they can be used to access your highest self:
Dress in a way that reflects your identity, curate a wardrobe that matches who you aspire to be
Use confident body language, such as maintaining eye contact and standing/sitting upright in social settings
Practice speaking with clarity and confidence
Clean up your social media and only follow content that aligns with your identity or helps keep you on track
Establish and maintain boundaries without people in your life that reflect your values and priorities
Invest in personal and professional development through courses, workshops, and reading
Surround yourself with people and environments that support and reflect your highest self/new identity
Regularly express gratitude and maintain a positive outlook
Questions to evaluate and improve self-presentation
What are my core values and how do they influence my behavior?
How do I want others to perceive me?
Does my current wardrobe reflect the person I want to be?
What body language habits can I improve to appear more confident?
How can I improve my communication skills to better align with my desired identity?
In what ways can I be more consistent in how I present myself across different contexts?
What feedback have I received about my self-presentation, and how can I use it to improve?
Am I living in a way that aligns with my highest self, or are there areas where I can improve?
What actions can I take today to better project the identity I want?
How can I ensure my actions are authentic and reflect my true self?
How cognitive dissonance impacts us
Rebranding yourself and changing your identity involves leaving your old life behind. It sounds simple, but it can be very a mentally exhausting change. This is where cognitive dissonance comes into effect.
Cognitive dissonance is the psychological discomfort experienced when our actions conflict with our beliefs or values. If we’re not acting in accordance with our beliefs, we’ll end up with mental discomfort. As a result, we either end up changing our habits or our beliefs.
For example, if you see yourself as an active person but keep skipping the gym, high dissonance might make you change your belief instead of your habit. You might start telling routinely yourself, "It's just this once," rather than actually going.
This may sound stressful and prove to be a challenge during your rebrand. However, dissonance can play a positive role if you’ve strongly internalized a core aspect of your identity. For example, if you see yourself as someone health-conscious or someone who frequents the gym, you’ll consistently find ways to show that this is true, whether that’s going to the gym daily or meal prepping.
In terms of identity formation, when we highlight inconsistencies between our self-perception and our actions, we actually push towards more aligned behavior.
When we recognize that our actions don’t align with who we believe we are, we can use that discomfort to motivate positive change.
In combination with the tips previously mentioned, we can also:
Regularly evaluate our actions and beliefs to identify any discrepancies. Ask ourselves if our behavior aligns with our values and goals
Define specific, actionable steps that align with our desired identity. This can help create a guideline for behavior that supports us
Be willing to accept change and continue to grow and learn more about ourselves
So how can we apply these principles to become an “It Girl”
Define our "It Girl" identity:
Self-reflection: take time to reflect on who you want to be. Write down the qualities, values, and behaviors that define your highest self
Vision board: create a vision board (physical or digital) with images, words, and quotes that represent your ideal identity so that you’re constantly reminded of your goal
Align your self-presentation:
Wardrobe audit: go through your closet and sort items that don’t align with your desired identity. Also invest in pieces that make you feel confident and reflect your new persona
Body language: practice positive body language such as standing tall, maintaining eye contact in conversations
Use cognitive dissonance to your advantage:
Identify inconsistencies: regularly assess your actions and identify areas where they don’t align with your desired identity
Set goals: create specific, actionable goals to address these inconsistencies. For example, if you want to be healthier plan to incorporate more whole foods into your diet
Monitor progress: keep track of your progress and celebrate small wins to stay motivated
Cultivate positive habits:
Daily routines: establish daily routines that support your identity. This could include a morning exercise routine or a consistent skincare routine
Mindfulness practices: incorporate daily mindfulness practices like meditation or journaling
Continue to learn: commit to lifelong learning. Read books, take courses, and seek new experiences that contribute to your personal growth
Find mentors: seek out mentors or role models who embody qualities you admire. Learn from their experiences and guidance
Surround yourself with positivity: build a network of supportive friends and family who encourage and inspire you
Rebranding yourself is a long and tedious journey, but with a little help from some science-based principles it can be as beneficial as ever!
