Commander Peepers @eyeballcommander - Tumblr Blog

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert fretted during the long pause, but soon smiled with hope when Commander Peepers said he’d staff the crime department. His smile faded when he asked about Teddy being a suspect. Bert averted his eye as he briefly considered his answer, then again met Peepers’ gaze. “A suspect in the death of a Glornist. Their friend thinks he did it, so that is why she attacked him yesterday. It has been going on since they went missing after that devastating battle against Sourdough’s forces.”

“But why now? Hasn’t it been awhile?”

Peepers pushed his food aside, then crossed his arms and leaned towards Bert. He had a hunch that it didn't start there.

“Better yet: Why him? Do they even know that he can fight?”

#albertbutyoucancallmebert #The Powerful Ally

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert set his sandwich down and again faced Commander Peepers. “Teddy—Dr. Walters of the C.A.P.T. Project—was attacked by a Glornist yesterday. He is unharmed, physically. But the attacker is at large, with no one to look for her.” He leaned an elbow on the table. “Because she is at large, Teddy fears for his life and is in protective custody. But no one is there to guard him for very long, so he can only stay a few days. After that…” Bert averted his gaze. “His other choice is turning himself in as a crime suspect…” But he quickly looked the commander in the eye again to drive his point home. “The Glornists have been allowed to fester and cause problems unchecked for far too long. The Crime Department does not have the resources to deal with them. Now that my friends are being harmed, I must raise more of a fuss about it! So please,” Bert clasped his hands in front of his face and pleaded, “Let the crime department expand!”

In any other situation Peepers would wonder if he needed to remind Bert that he knew who Teddy was. Yet as horror dawned over him at the mere mention of their mutual friend's name he realized that there were far bigger concerns.

Peepers nodded along as Bert continued to present his plea for help with his eye stuck as wide as it could go. And every time Bert emphasized how there was nobody to protect Teddy, he grimaced.

There was a long pause after Bert finished speaking. Finally Peepers said to himself, “Grop. They’re not in anyone's jurisdiction...”

Peepers got his phone out to cancel the rest of the day's meetings as he said, “Look, I’ll start shuffling people around as soon as possible. But...” He took a deep breath before staring into Bert’s eye.

“Suspect for what? How long has this been going on?”

#albertbutyoucancallmebert #The powerful ally

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) “Oh, where to start,” Bert sighed. He took off his glass and set it on the table. He turned to face Peepers. “I will start with this, because it affects what else I have to tell you. Commander, the Crime Department needs help. Inspector Heath needs help! The staffing situation is pitiful!” He took a bite out of his sandwich.

Commander Peepers tilted his head in confusion. Not because he was unaware of how the Crime Department had fallen, but because he didn’t actually see it as a problem.

The Crime Department simply seemed redundant when the Hater Army was ruled by military law. So when high-ranking officers chipped away at it to get them out of the way he had no qualms with letting it happen. (And he dealt with said officers personally.)

Yet he knew better than to say that in this situation. Peepers decided to prod Bert to figure out why he was so concerned.

“What’s the other thing?”

#albertbutyoucancallmebert #The Powerful Ally

@albertbutyoucancallmebert

(Previous) Bert brightened and rushed over to sit next to Peepers. He set his backpack in the seat next to him and unzipped the front cover to release Sherri Jr, but the old sleepy rat opted to stay curled up inside. As he did so, he chimed, “Hallo, Commander! It is nice to see you. Thank you for meeting with me!” He started unpacking his club sandwich lunch. “It’s going, well…” His demeanor fell from bright and happy to grim and serious. “It is going not great.”

“No problemo!” Peepers exclaimed. “It’s good to see you again!”

Then his own smile fell when Bert’s demeanor shifted. “What’s going on?”

#albertbutyoucancallmebert #Sherri Jr #The powerful ally

albertbutyoucancallmebert

Yesterday was a lot. Amy made an attempt on Teddy's life, Bert almost thought he died when it took a while to return a text, they learned about the sad state of the crime department, Bert professed his love, and then Teddy was locked up.

But now it was a new day. Bert's highest priorities were closely related and both involved Commander Peepers. One was to follow up on the promise he made to Inspector Heath by asking him to beef up the crime department. The other was to complain about the Glornists and fill him in on their affairs.

Even though these were serious matters to discuss, Bert was giddy to see the commander. He always was! But he especially was now because it had been a while since the two of them spent time together, given their busy schedules and piles of projects.

Bert galloped up to the commander's war room, lunch in hand and rat in backpack. He swiped his card and strolled on in, excitedly looking for him.

@eyeballcommander

eyeballcommander

Peepers was admittedly nervous about what Bert had to say after being so uncharacteristically serious. He picked at his zoodles as he pondered on what could be bothering him. Was another lieutenant harassing him? Or... was it the Glornists? The latter seemed more likely.

When Bert excitedly walked in he let out a relieved sigh and waved to him. “Hey Bert! How’s it going?”

#The Powerful Ally #Albertbutyoucancallmebert

How does it feel to be the watchdog representative of the lgbtq community aboard the skullship?

Who said I am? Don’t you think I’m a little too ~problematic~ for that?

#Ask #Anon

eyeballcommander

Respectable and fearsome Commander Peepers, I have something important I would like to discuss with you. Preferably in person. When and where would be a good time to meet? I know you are busy but I would greatly appreciate this.

Hey Bert! What's up? You know you don’t have to be so formal with me!

How about we do lunch in the lieutenant break room?

Wait no, my war room. This is something confidential, isn’t it?

albertbutyoucancallmebert

Yes, that sounds perfect. I will see you at lunch time! Thank you Commander!

eyeballcommander

Great! See ya there!

#The Powerful Ally #AlbertButYouCanCallMeBert

Hey Bert! What's up? You know you don’t have to be so formal with me!

How about we do lunch in the lieutenant break room?

Wait no, my war room. This is something confidential, isn’t it?

#Albertbutyoucancallmebert

Can get money for eating metals, question? Amaze amaze amaze!

Where sign up, question?

The toxicology department would love you! And you’ll make a killing! Don’t worry, there a measures in place to send your paycheck to a recipient of your choice in the event where you unable to collect it personally

All you have to do is submit an application on:

https//uww.skullship.gov/research/toxicology/volunteer

Or, if you're a watchdog, you could request a referral from the medbay to simplify the process.

Cowardice from the commander of the hater empire….. utter cowardice. I eat rubidium all the time with NO consequences.

Hey, I bet you could make easy money if you participated in a case study!

Send me the results when you do, alright? Because it’d be pretty interesting if it’s true!

#Well- unless you're a rock person or sone other inherently immune species

someone get this man to join the war on workers' unions (on the side of unions)

I feel like I'd get booed out of the room, y’know?

sir woud you eat rubidium for 20 haterzoids

No. It'd probably ignite if it came in contact with my eye. Magnesium, on the other hand, is healthy in limited amounts.

I’d say I’d go on strike again but for some reason everyone hated my attempt to put healthy food in the food court more than everything falling apart without me around.

Wait... oh my grop why have I been letting him steal my paychecks...? I’m the one managing the budget!

Wouldn't it be better to directly donate those 20 Haterzoids to the empire's funds?

Y'know, to cut out the middleman

Look, I’ve already gotten most of my paychecks “donated” to the empire’s funds. I’m keeping whatever I can get.

#Anon

albertbutyoucancallmebert

Woud yyiou chew on magneisum for 20 hatwrzoids 🤤i woud

I would chew on magnesium for free 🤤.

eyeballcommander

Hey, I’ll take easy money if I can pick the form and dosage.

#Albertbutyoucancallmebert

sleeping-jo

I can’t sleep, I have to torture myself psychologically

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