be true. be you.

life is a box of chocolate and it's darn good.

[eyessteelekandy]

[eyessteelekandy]

2017

new year. new me!

no braces. one boyfriend. old friends. new friends. new year, 2017 I think I'm ready for you!

[eyessteelekandy]

I love this woman.

[eyessteelekandy]

Welcome home

Luke 12:34

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Home is Los Angeles. I was born and raised in Los Angeles. I flew to LAX almost a month ago. My oldest brother and mom was there to pick me up. I was so scared, but more anxious to see my mom. I have not seen her for 7 months. I can not believe I live abroad independently away from home away from school friends away from my comfortable life here in Los Angeles. I did it. I can't say I did all myself. In good times and bad times, I had my Daddy looking down on me. Also I had been blessed with really good friends.  The moment I realized I was home was seeing my mom at the airport. I felt like a lost child. I was one of the first to grab my luggage and head out to the waiting area. There were lots of people waiting for their loved ones and here I was scared. I may seem like a very extroverted person but large crowds scare me. To be honest, I felt like a grain of sand on the ocean. So little but once I heard a soft voice say Ashley, I knew instantly I was going home.

Ive come to realize the best part of traveling for me is the ride home. It is a 40min to 1 hour drive home from the LAX airport. But at the moment I didn't care about how far or how long the ride was. I then realized I'm going home. I have a home to go to, I have family to see, and friends to hang out with. That is the best feeling. Reunion. No matter how big or how small it may be, a reunion is a time and place where you and another person you haven't seen for a long time come together for a moment to embrace each others presence.

Being able to reunite with them was amazing. Sharing stories about your crazy adventure abroad. They were the ones more interested in your stories than you can physically and mentally be present. The time difference really hit me hard. Rule never refer back to the old time zone no matter what. But being in the presence of people who love you no matter how tired you are, you find the stored energy you saved for that moment explodes and you keep going. As time went on, things settled back into their place and gradually you go back to your daily routine, your prior commitments, your school, and ultimately back home. 

[eyessteelekandy]

The end is another beginning.

Its the day after Valentines and in 11 days I will be returning home to sunny bright California. I have mixed feelings. I am happy and sad and happy and sad. Happy to go home see family friends and church Sad to see off my friends and my new family here. Happy to have my own big bed. Sad to leave my back yard. Happy to drive again with Sandy. Sad to not be running after the Ubahn or Sbahn or the bus so I won't be late. Happy to eat Mommy's home made food. Sad to not be cooking randomly with friends. Happy to be able to catch up with old friends. Sad to leave my new friends I've gotten close with. Happy to see the sun every day. Sad to not be walk when snow gently falls on my face.

But all the sad feelings are overwhelmed with feelings of joy and happiness. Joy to wake up every morning trying to catch the ray of sunlight. Joy to have made lots of wonderful long lasting friendships who always have my back. Joy of those lazy days when all i do is watch shows and movies indoor drinking earl gray tea or hot chocolate. Joy of deciding what to do, where to go and taking half the day just to decide to eat at Santa Marias. Joy of days that snow so gently and actually understanding what is a calm winter snow feels like. Joy of days when waking up to open your curtains and see the whole world covered in snow. Joy of spending days working stressing about school and being able to share those exact feelings with friends. The joy of liking someone and feeling those butterflies in your stomach you cant even talk. The joy of spending a day or even a brunch with your best friend to just talk about the perks of living. The joy of going out at night with friends and knowing by the end of the night you know you'll be in good hands. The joy of cooking together with your roommates. The joy of putting all these random things together to make something so beautiful. The joy of feeling scared and excited when you enter through the doors of the airplane to go to another country and see what they have in store of you. The joy of pigging out with friends and no one to judge you. The joy of telling your friends not to judge but if theyre really good friends they judge. The joy of drinking hot chocolate while watching christmas movie one after another. The joy of changing leaves. The joy of changing clothing styles. The joy of having someone's house to take refuge. The joy of running home cause its so cold outside. The joy of being blessed to live and love every day. 

They say all good things have to come to an end but I beg to differ. I think every ending is not an end but a start of something new. I may be leaving Berlin after spending 7+ months abroad but it is just an end of one chapter of my life. The chapter I call Studying Abroad. The book is not finish yet, so now I have to turn the next chapter of my life. I do not know what the title of it is yet but when I know I'll know. This is the beginning of returning home. Then I will see all these beautiful faces once again. There were times of hardships, confusions and frustrations but what is life without these too.

Time will always pass and it is the memories that I have to describe the times I have. The brain is powerful to create and store these memories. Thank you God for creating us in an intrigue way to have these lovely memories of love friendship and family.

Studying Abroad. 5 Countries. 10 Cities.

Berlin. Dresden. Weimar. Naples. Rome. Venice. Prague. Madrid. Valencia. Paris.

that's a wrap

[eyessteelekandy]

Matching yellow couple jackets!!! I want to grow old like them :3 #cutestcouple #yellowjackets #love #lovejustlove #yellowhello

[eyessteelekandy]

I love your Presence.

This afternoon has been by far one of my favorite time. I had a chance to talk with God and bask in His presence. I was listening to Pastor Kenton preach about Mary, the mother to the one and only everlasting king Jesus. She was just a teenager 13 or 14 years of age when God called her. She had healthy doubts. She questioned God, for an explanation not for a proof. She taught us what it means to respond to God. Which is one of the hardest things every Christian goes through. There are times of doubt and confusion. There are days when we wonder what is God doing in my life or is He even there. But He was and He is and forever will be there only if you believe in His truth.

He is in control but sometimes I think that I am in control. Control of choosing what major, university to go to, who are friends are, who not to be friends with, what to eat, what to drink, what to wear, what to do. There are so many decisions we think we have total control. But what about those choices we have no control over? Like who gets to choose who gets to die of starvation while others are carelessly piling their food. Like who has to suffer from an incurable disease or those loved one seeing them go through pain? It's a hard job to be God. I believe it is the hardest job. To create something and see it go through so much pain especially if it one thing you love the most. God is doing that everyday. He is telling us how much He loves us. He is there with his still small voice, you just have to be still and hear him.

Can it be possible that God knows everything? Yes. Can it be that God is so busy with other people, He may not have time to hear you? No, because God promised to always be with you. He is my strength and refuge. There is nothing more solid than God. He knows me through and through. He loves me the way I am. He created me and knows every part of my life more than I know myself. I've been neglecting him for the past few days. Never giving him any of my attention He deserves, making excuses I'm too busy for him. I've been taking things for granted. I've made mistakes. I've been jealous. I've lied to my friends, my family, my teachers and to myself. I'm unworthy to deserve such a powerful and majestic King's love. But He constantly tells me how valuable I am to Him. I am his apple of his eye. He is jealous for me. I am beautiful in His eye. Although I make mistakes, I know where to run to. Run into his strong, open arms and know that His undeserving beautiful love completes my existence.

He is good, ALL the time. 

[eyessteelekandy]

Life is a worship.

I was talking to one of my very good friend from back home and realized that I have not been keeping up with anyone at home. I have been so caught up with my own life that I missed all that I take granted. I miss talking with my friends back home. I miss going to church every Sunday and dancing like a fool in front of those kids. I miss those amazing kids at church. I miss playing the piano and my mom singing. I miss playing my guitar. I miss oh how I miss my family..

But most importantly I miss the time I have with my Father. I want to tell him so much. Only he can quiet my chaotic heart and all i can say to Him is that I am in awe. Thank you for everything you've done and will do. You are forever mine and I will not stop praising your Holy name.

It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him. Deuteronomy 13:4 NIV

[eyessteelekandy]

Was denkst du?

WOW its been over two months since I've arrived in Berlin. So many things happened in two months.All the things that could go wrong, went wrong.Like sleeping in a new place every week. Like smelling like your guy friend's shampoo the whole day. Like walking to what feels like forever in the rain with all your stuff because the U-bahn is under construction. Like finding out all the guys you like are gay. Like going to club on friday night when all you wanted to do was watch Sex in the City. Like kissing Chocolate Thunder and not remembering about it. Like your friends pointing out that one cute roommate looks like an old lesbian. Like sitting in class for four hours when all you think about is sleeping in your bed. Like your panda starts to stink like all the places you've slept in. Like finding out everyone is gay in Berlin. Like finding out the guy of your dream has a girlfriend whose not that pretty. Like having awkward moments with awkward friends. Like spending a ton on transportation when all you needed was your school id.

But on the other hand there are a lot more to appreciate. Like gaining 20 lbs. Like getting a happy birthday comment on fb from good friends back home. Like having friends you can crash at. Like your old lesbian looking cute roommate making you pancakes. Like eating Santa Maria every Tuesday. Like having a beautiful cat to welcome you home everyday from school. Like being treated as princesses and having everything paid for for the night. Like getting hugs from strangers you barely know. Like being the center of attention in every U-Bahn. Like actually learning German and using what you learn outside of class. Like talking to your German roommate in German and them understanding your broken German. Like talking to the guy you really like and finally telling him your real name. Like having friends to share stupid but cute stories. Like listening to your friends go on and on about a cute guy. Like stalking those cute guys on Facebook. Like spending a whole afternoon buying gifts for your friend's birthday. Like spending a weekend eating like fatties and not having anyone judge you. Like cooking with friends. Like having friends cook for you. Like living in freaken Europe, it's out of the world. 

Changes are all around us, it is inevitable. But you have to remind yourself you are in control of all your decisions. Just don't regret anything. Changes come and go but your outlook on life depends on how you perceive those changes.So go out do something you wouldn't do. Be bold. Be courageous. Be true and be you.

 I am being truthful when I take a lot of things advantages but slowly and surely I am starting to see how good life is. Life is good when you are loved. I am loved. I am blessed. 

[eyessteelekandy]

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Friend. What does a true friend mean? To me, a true friend is someone who is willing to sacrifice their time to be there for you. No judging, no shame, just there to just be there..

So I am homeless. But not friendless. I am truly blessed to have friends who truly care for me. I am here sitting on my friend's couch listening to this song. The first time I heard this song was in Berlin at a Mexican restaurant called Santa Maria. According to my Mexican friends, it is the closest to authentic Mexican food here in Berlin. I like Santa Maria for two things. good food and good company. I feel like I learn more Spanish than German. Did I choose the wrong city? No. It just gives me more the reason to learn another language. Language can take you places, literally.

[eyessteelekandy]

Sex in the City Marathon Weekend.

First time watching Sex in the City and I'm hooked. I spent the whole weekend with my friends watching and laughing episode after episode. We were hooked The more we watched, the more we realized we are like them. Always talking about guys and looking fabulous. We each portray our character dead on, its kind of scary.

LIVE LOVE and HAIR GREASE.

yours truly,

Charlotte

[eyessteelekandy]

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SUIT UP!!

Michael Buble, You are my everything <3

[eyessteelekandy]

Berlin. FuBis. 1 month.

I started out in a new city with only one friend. I was scared at first. But over a month has passed and I made new friends old and my old friend even older. These pictures are just a snippet of my newly found lasting relationships. Studying abroad is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. It's fun, exciting, and you do new things you would never do. But bottom line is to be true to yourself. Know your roots and where you come from.

I miss home. I miss home a lot especially when things go wrong and I do not know what to do. Things do go wrong no matter where you go but as long as you know you are valued you have nothing to fear because you are loved.