i'm 19 and crazy and pissed off every day. i like horror movies and music.
on this account im going to ramble about my symptoms and experiences to maybe feel a bit less lonely in what i feel. feel free to send asks or reach out, since im anonymous here i dont mind being an open book as much. yay
exactly, a lot of things i did on purpose were framed as accidental or out of my control despite me knowing what i was doing very well.
for example (since i was diagnosed with ADHD initially as a child despite it being CD) i knew i had to do my homework as a kid, i just didn't want to because i thought it was beneath me so i lied about it to my parents and my teachers. i really just dgaf.
hiii so, as someone with ASPD, do you remember what you were like during school growing up, specifically what you were like with others? I have aspd myself but I wasn’t physically aggressive with others or started fights. I did steal from the other kids a lot and spread rumours about them and got them into trouble, but I was curious to hear your experiences, since I think it varies!
so since my ASPD is primarily traumagenic i don't have many very early childhood examples of antisocial behavior (0-5 yrs) but here is a list of things i did from 6-19 as my CD and eventually ASPD developed in semi chronological order. my autistic mind makes me organize everything i write, sorry.
consistently physically fighting with my older sibling (we have a 6 year age gap) and often drawing blood or pulling hair (started at 5yrs, ended at 12-13yrs)
a girl in class told me she was going to punch me and i responded by telling her that i knew where a knife was at home and how to use it and i was going to stab her. i was immediately told on but miraculously they never told my parents (6yrs old)
brought in a book with graphic violence and graphic depictions of cannibalism in it for reading time on the reading carpet, meaning the teacher would read it to the whole class. this time they did call my parents. (6 yrs old)
creating games that simulate real world violence and demanding other kids play, often getting angry when they were apprehensive at all (7-10yrs old)
starting stealing objects from other students backpacks then started a self published newspaper on the playground about the person stealing from backpacks (8-9yrs old)
stealing food, clothes, and other objects from my sibling daily (8-11yrs old)
using archery targets with photos of people taped onto them as well as at times stabbing my target with the arrow to mimic killing (9-10yrs old)
intentionally trying to get my friends to break up with their partners when i was single because i was jealous (11-13yrs old)
slipping threatening notes written in my non dominant hand into a frenemies locker (11-12 yrs old)
repeatedly breaking into abandoned buildings both with my friends and by myself (12-14yrs)
intentionally not doing my homework to get sent out of class and not have to participate (11-12yrs)
photoshopped my report cards with better grades to show my parents since i was in online home school and they didn't get them emailed (12-14yrs)
skipped my first ever partners birthday 2 months into dating because i was already bored (14yrs old)
cheated on my first ever partner (14yrs old)
once i hit 15 everything got even worse so listing my misbehaviors during that time would genuinely be very difficult. i also am not someone who gets into too many physical fights but i get into a lot of arguments. i hope this helps you and answers your question lol
since boredom in ASPD is a much more consistent oppressive feeling than something that happens when you have nothing to do, essentially everything i do is in service to not being bored. though i do have some things i always do to help myself not be under stimulated during the day.
MUSIC!!! i love music and i listen to music for the majority of my day. i listen to it way too loud to the point it sometimes bothers other people even with headphones on. it helps to enhance the stimulation of whatever im actually doing at the time
weed. i smoke. a lot of weed. like a lot of weed. don't be like me. i also vape. again a lot. it makes the minutia of the day feel slightly less mind numbing
starting debates and arguments with the people i know irl or people online. i'm big on politics as well so sometimes i start things about that
i watch a lot of tv and movies, typically while doing 5 others things. i'm often doing a lot of different things at once while i have the tv running because god forbid i not be stimulated by something for five seconds or i start feeling like life is empty and pointless
i used to be a cutter, binge purger, and shoplifter as a way to address my boredom for many years but these behaviors are more rare for me now
i like to go on walks around my dorm when i'm in school. (i go to school in one of the largest cities in the world) when i'm angry i often feel the urge to run away, so when im angry and bored of often run off into sketchy areas to walk around and listen to music. i've been informed this isn't safe but LALALALA fingers in my ears not listening
obviously sometimes my boredom just shows up as reckless behavior that i don't want to share as to not incriminate myself. ruining relationships, hurting myself, and doing things that could risk getting arrested. since boredom is kinda just the backdrop to my life i don't even always recognize the reason im doing certain things, but most everything i do exists to keep my brain as stimulated as i can, even though it's rarely enough.
so the simple answer to the question is really: anything i can to make it better for this moment.
maybe it's the like npd/aspd but my brain automatically categorizes people into like little classes. like I meet a person and as I get to know them they get sorted. like there's a class for younger female sibling type friend, a class for older male person who I like but barely speak to, a class for doctors and medical professionals, a class for people my age who are like me, a class for people my age who are nothing like me, etc. and my brain has a predetermined set of mannerisms and vocabulary for interacting with each one
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