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You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.

Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving. The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these beer bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking." The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks. "No, sir," the drunk answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight." "Then what on earth are those beer labels doing on your foreheads?" "We're both alcoholics," says the drunk. "We're on the patch."

#mountain

Q: What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake?

A: "Must be an earthquake."

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your steering wheel. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.

#hous

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