wack'd's f4 liveblog archives

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #314 & #315

Fri Feb 11 2022 [04:05 PM] Wack'd: seventeen issues of englehart left [04:07 PM] Wack'd: god where to goddamn start with this page

[04:07 PM] Wack'd: johnny being all "not all men" [04:07 PM] Wack'd: ben turning the subject from "unwanted attention" to "now she can't get dates" [04:07 PM] Wack'd: crystal stating a basic fact and being accused by johnny of misandry [04:08 PM] Wack'd: or ben deciding "actually, none of this feminist rape culture stuff belongs in superhero comics, let's stop talking about it" [04:08 PM] Umbramatic: haha oh wow [04:10 PM] Wack'd: so during this fun excursion they discover harvey set up teleport pads all throughout his caverns, allowing for swift movement and expanding his domain without use of vehicles [04:10 PM] Wack'd: that sure was a no-prize that didn't need to be no-prized but got no-prized anyway [04:11 PM] Wack'd: back in new york: the sky is on fire [04:11 PM] Wack'd: ...we're not gonna dwell on that i guess! back to the underground [04:11 PM] Bocaj: Is it the watcher again? [04:11 PM] Bocaj: He does that sort of thing [04:11 PM] Umbramatic: we don't have time for all that [04:12 PM] Wack'd: instant trauma recovery means instant romance

[04:13 PM] Bocaj: Comics. Are just so bad at romance [04:13 PM] Bocaj: And other things. Physics, mental health, addressing racism and sexism and isms [04:14 PM] Bocaj: Sometimes anatomy [04:13 PM] Wack'd: while they flirt johnny realizes someone's kidnapped crystal [04:14 PM] Wack'd: i guess they're fighting some sort of...bat-man

[04:14 PM] Wack'd: must be pretty wealthy to afford a place this cushy looking [04:14 PM] Bocaj: Ha [04:15 PM] InbarFink: I don't Like this design for Benn [04:16 PM] Wack'd: It's rough [04:16 PM] Wack'd: Both to look at and, I imagine, to touch [04:16 PM] Umbramatic: -touches it- [04:16 PM] Wack'd: GOD EVERY FUCKING NON-MAIN-CHARACTER-DUDE IN THIS BOOK I SWEAR TO FUCK

[04:17 PM] Umbramatic: geeeeeeeez [04:17 PM] Wack'd: this dude literally turns johnny into a pig [04:17 PM] Wack'd: are we...are we doing a thing [04:17 PM] Wack'd: does englehart think he has yet more to say about rape culture [04:18 PM] Umbramatic: oink [04:18 PM] Wack'd: anyway sharon lays him out with one punch [04:18 PM] Umbramatic: ha [04:19 PM] Wack'd: hey bocaj, i think i found something of yours

[04:20 PM] Bocaj: I literally just posted WCA 6 this Wednesday [04:20 PM] Wack'd: incredible [04:20 PM] Bocaj: Advertise advertise [04:20 PM] Wack'd: so it turns out the cats are demons and belasco is their dark lord. sure. [04:21 PM] Umbramatic: kitties [04:21 PM] maxwellelvis: It's an itty bitty kitty city [04:21 PM] Wack'd: what

[04:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Another time Shuma-Gorath was mistakenly colored purple. [04:22 PM] Umbramatic: WHAT IF IT WAS PURPLE [04:23 PM] Wack'd: so it turns out [04:23 PM] Wack'd: all the underground worlds of marvel are connected [04:23 PM] Wack'd: including the otherworldly/hell-knockoff ones [04:23 PM] Umbramatic: the underdark... [04:23 PM] Wack'd:

[04:25 PM] Wack'd: so we cliffhang on the gang having wandered into another underground world--the world of MASTER PANDEMONIUM [04:27 PM] Umbramatic: good supervillain name [04:28 PM] Wack'd: Letters! [04:29 PM] Wack'd: Most of them are pretty boring and just talking about how they feel about Ben and Sharon's new looks [04:29 PM] Wack'd: One woman really wants Sue to die for some reason and for Reed to return to the team without her [04:29 PM] Wack'd: But what I really wanna highlight is this

[04:29 PM] Wack'd: Never let it be said that in the ol' days people didn't notice or care about racism [04:30 PM] Umbramatic: oh huh! [04:30 PM] Bocaj: Maybe the problem is the stereotypes marvel [04:30 PM] Wack'd: Granted it is perhaps telling that--yeah, that, one [04:30 PM] Umbramatic: good for the people calling it out [04:31 PM] Wack'd: And two, uh, that the problem was with how Fasaud was dressed and not with him being an evil oil baron who personally slaughters American reporters and who had the full backing of his evil government [04:32 PM] Larena: Saying "Yeah our villain is a stereotype but our heroes are stereotypes too!" almost verbatim is really funny. Like that's just satire [04:32 PM] Wack'd: Yeah, fair

Fri Feb 11 2022 [04:33 PM] Wack'd: sixteen issues of englehart left. [04:33 PM] Wack'd: we open with. morbius the living vampire's origin story???? [04:33 PM] Umbramatic: hi morbius [04:34 PM] Wack'd: oh no, not an origin story. [04:34 PM] Wack'd: just. recapping his recent exploits. [04:34 PM] Wack'd: he's also lost underground apparently [04:34 PM] Bocaj: Very busy underground scene [04:35 PM] Wack'd: so apparently this was all in morbius' diary [04:35 PM] Wack'd: which mister pandemonium read [04:35 PM] Wack'd: and then he starts recapping his own underground adventures [04:37 PM] Wack'd: ten page in. the fantastic four are here. finally [04:38 PM] Wack'd: mister pandemonium holds crystal hostage [04:38 PM] Wack'd: because of course [04:38 PM] Wack'd: this is just gonna keep happening to crystal i guess [04:39 PM] Umbramatic: fuck [04:39 PM] Wack'd: anyway it's determined this was all a big misunderstanding [04:40 PM] Wack'd: as enumerated in the long, long recap, mister pandemonium is stuck here, and so are the four [04:40 PM] Wack'd: they need to find a way back to earth [04:42 PM] Wack'd: AUGH. MORE CHARACTERS FROM OTHER BOOKS [04:42 PM] Wack'd: a couple of astronauts crash down and they're from comet man and ben knows them [04:43 PM] Wack'd: and one of them has superpowers and he teleports everyone but they're in a snowy wasteland now [04:43 PM] Wack'd: cliffhanger.

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #313

Fri Feb 11 2022 [03:41 PM] Wack'd: eighteen more issues of englehart left [03:42 PM] Wack'd: the four are visiting project pegasus, a scientific institute that just recently stopped being a superjail [03:43 PM] Umbramatic: yeesh [03:43 PM] Wack'd: they're here because they're looking for mole man who recently tried to tunnel in [03:45 PM] Wack'd: ben wants to find harvey because he thinks maybe sharon can convince him to live up on the surface and stop being a bad guy [03:45 PM] Wack'd: i guess by telling him he doesn't have it so bad and you still need to try and make a difference if you're life is insufficiently shitty, i guess [03:47 PM] Wack'd: they encounter some moloids who feel without their "master" they're vulnerable to all sorts of nasties down here, and they need harvey back [03:48 PM] Wack'd: that's not what happened! ben's mutation from his solo book wore off in west coast avengers, i think

[03:49 PM] Wack'd: but also if harvey could only get ben back to "normal thing" mode, and sharon is in "normal thing" mode (or at least the early 60s version of it), i dunno what's up [03:49 PM] Wack'd: ben once tried to get harvey to cure alicia's blindness, forgetting that harvey couldn't even cure his own blindness. he just overestimates harvey in general i think [03:50 PM] Umbramatic: f [03:50 PM] Wack'd: they encounter some tyrannoids who have gotten a hold of harvey's weapons. fight fight fight [03:51 PM] Wack'd: anyway harvey is no longer in his lair, having retreated further underground. ben is concerned but johnny and crystal remind him that they can control heat [03:52 PM] Wack'd: i skipped some stuff, like ben musing that he feels like he can't lead the four if he was dumb enough not to notice doom's bugs, and being reassured that they're a team and ben doesn't have to shoulder all the burden [03:52 PM] Wack'd: and crystal feeling isolated from her family and johnny reminding her that she has the four as a surrogate family [03:53 PM] Wack'd: so i guess this is the "power of teamwork" issue [03:55 PM] Wack'd: wow, where was this sympathy and reassurance for sharon?

[03:56 PM] Bocaj: I guess it’s because he wants something out of him [03:56 PM] Bocaj: Question mark [03:56 PM] Wack'd: some tyrannoids show up. fight fight fight [03:56 PM] Wack'd: so ben and sharon can't leave crystal's side because she's the only thing keeping them from burning to death, so johnny makes short work of them [03:57 PM] Wack'd: "you know, now that i don't have to despise him for his gender, i can see how incredible he is!", says sharon [03:58 PM] Wack'd: some tyranoids grab harvey and drag him into molten lava so crystal needs to go in after him. ben reassures her that he and sharon will be fine, probably [03:58 PM] Umbramatic: probably [03:59 PM] Wack'd: unfortunately even crystal can only stand molten lava for so long and needs to resurface, losing harvey and also not doing so hot herself [04:00 PM] Wack'd: johnny uses his own heat powers to heal her but unfortunately realizes in the tender embrace that follows that he's still kind of into her [04:00 PM] Wack'd: the team arrive at some sort of high-tech underground lair [04:00 PM] Wack'd: sharon reveals that she knew ben wanted to reverse her mutation, but she wants to be this way now [04:01 PM] Wack'd: "my problems all came because i was a pretty woman--but now i'm not pretty, and i'm hardly even a woman!" [04:01 PM] Wack'd: which [04:01 PM] Wack'd: yeah [04:01 PM] Wack'd: okay [04:01 PM] Wack'd: sure [04:01 PM] Wack'd: fuck it [04:01 PM] Umbramatic: i guess [04:01 PM] maxwellelvis: Sure, I can see how that- huh? [04:02 PM] Wack'd: look. englehart's giving up on writing her as a rape survivor and a suicidal depressive which, frankly, is a win in my book, even if the way we get out of it is deeply goddamn stupid, because englehart is extremely bad at covering these topics [04:04 PM] Umbramatic: yeeeeeeeah

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #311 & #312

Fri Feb 11 2022 [03:04 PM] Wack'd: YEAH WELL JOIN THE FUCKING CLUB

[03:05 PM] Umbramatic: oh hai tchalla [03:05 PM] Wack'd: mother [03:06 PM] Wack'd: so we open on a lengthy sequence of sharon trying to kill herself [03:06 PM] Wack'd: because she's ugly now [03:06 PM] Umbramatic: oh [03:07 PM] Wack'd: ben's attempts to talk her down are unsuccessful

[03:07 PM] Wack'd: everything in this comic is unsuccessful [03:09 PM] Wack'd: so meanwhile crystal, feeling dejected because johnny's always hanging around his wife, calls up that realtor she was cheating with [03:10 PM] Wack'd: it is a deeply weird decision to depict roberta with sapience for the first time ever and then openly declare roberta doesn't matter because she's a robot and have roberta be cool with it

[03:11 PM] Wack'd: anyway realtor dude turns crystal down because he assumes that if he tries to make something real with him, she'll cheat on him [03:11 PM] Wack'd: which is weirdly judgey considering but also, y'know, hey, he learned something [03:12 PM] Umbramatic: i guess [03:13 PM] Wack'd: ben and sharon trudge through the jungle. ben is continuing to try and cheer sharon up but she's giving him the silence treatment [03:13 PM] Wack'd: here's this dude

[03:14 PM] Wack'd: sharon decides to fight this guy so he will get more powerful and kill her [03:15 PM] Wack'd: t'challa shows up and puts a stop to all this [03:15 PM] Wack'd: that robot is designed to protect wakanda's vibranium reserves. they're in wakanda [03:16 PM] Wack'd: t’challa can’t turn his back on doom! they have overlapping class interests!

[03:16 PM] Umbramatic: hi doom [03:17 PM] maxwellelvis: Doom's looking at Sharon with this "Have I missed something?" look [03:17 PM] Wack'd: doom, being no stranger to loss, offers to help give sharon her beauty back if she helps him destroy accursed richards [03:18 PM] Wack'd: and this snaps sharon out of it because she wants to "deserve the honor of joining the fantastic four" and she can't do that while being suicidal, so she tries to beat the stuffing out of doom [03:18 PM] Umbramatic: doom has had to see that damn ctrl alt delete comic so many fucking times [03:19 PM] Wack'd: and ben is like "maybe she'll be okay after all" [03:21 PM] Umbramatic: -sigh-

Fri Feb 11 2022 [03:23 PM] Wack'd: so fortunately t'challa has come to his senses and decided that, even if class solidarity requires him to treat doom with courtesy and as an equal, he's not gonna help the dude get his country back [03:23 PM] Wack'd: instead he's going to america to help the four. and doom's tagging along because why not i guess [03:24 PM] Wack'd: they fly to the wakandan embassy and see that on the streets below a parade is happening for x-factor, which just stopped an alien invasion [03:24 PM] Wack'd: crystal was here the whole time but didn't get involved because after pietro she is now a mutant racist [03:25 PM] Wack'd: grumble

[03:27 PM] Wack'd: kristoff has been tracking doctor doom and sends an army to destroy the imposter [03:27 PM] Wack'd: just a straight-up latverian invasion on american soil [03:27 PM] Wack'd: fight fight fight [03:28 PM] Wack'd: the invasion is thwarted [03:29 PM] Wack'd: they didn't just give them doom to get them to leave because of t'challa's whole thing about rulers helping rulers [03:29 PM] Wack'd: which is stupid [03:30 PM] Wack'd: especially because doom is fed up with people not agreeing to help him overthrow kristoff [03:30 PM] Wack'd: he kidnaps sharon and an x-factor dude and gives the assorted forces one hour to agree to be his new army [03:31 PM] Wack'd: oh it's beast. beast looks kinda like a dude now, like he did in the 60s. okay [03:31 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh yeah, that was another thing. He I think started taking an antidote to his advanced mutation or something [03:31 PM] Umbramatic: hi beast [03:32 PM] Wack'd: so it turns out when doom showed up to abduct franklin a few issues back he did some tinkering and got himself complete access to four freedoms, including reed's sealed-off lab [03:33 PM] Wack'd: doom uses one of reed's inventions to trap them in a force field [03:33 PM] Wack'd: and figures this is the last place anyone will look for them [03:34 PM] Wack'd: beast can't bust out because if he uses his strength he gets dumber. okay [03:34 PM] Wack'd: so he needs to convince sharon to take action, which he does by berating her [03:34 PM] Wack'd: so she breaks out. somehow. i dunno. she just throws herself at the force field very hard [03:35 PM] Wack'd: sharon is immediately dispatched, forcing beast to go feral on doom's ass [03:36 PM] Wack'd: fight fight fight. the other superheroes showed up. fight fight fight [03:37 PM] Wack'd: doom chokes out crystal and threatens to kill her unless t'challa grants him safe passage away from here. t'challa does but promises no mercy going forward. fine [03:38 PM] Wack'd: the solution to being suicidal is realizing that since other people are suffering worse you have no right to be depressed

[03:39 PM] Umbramatic: i

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #310

Fri Feb 11 2022 [02:28 PM] Wack'd: Ben and Sharon have been captured by Fasaud, as well as the US ambassador to Aqiria and its King [02:29 PM] Wack'd: Turns out America is having some safety issues with its new rockets, so have been using Aqirian airspace to launch older models and get its military payloads into space until it's all sorted out [02:29 PM] Umbramatic: h u h [02:29 PM] Wack'd: In exchange for America's discretion in...I guess Aqiria continuing to manipulate oil prices? If there's a broader scheme here I have yet to see it [02:30 PM] Umbramatic: welp [02:30 PM] Wack'd: Ben and Sharon have been shackled to a platform directly below a rocket, which will vaporize them when it takes off [02:31 PM] Umbramatic: oh nooooooooo [02:31 PM] Wack'd: But since that won't be for a while, uh [02:31 PM] maxwellelvis: Why not just shoot them now? [02:31 PM] Wack'd: The US ambassador decides to have some fun with Sharon [02:31 PM] Umbramatic: oh [02:31 PM] Wack'd: Fortunately she intimidates him into backing off but uh [02:31 PM] Wack'd: Man [02:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh BOY [02:32 PM] Wack'd: We sure are going back to this well a lot [02:32 PM] Umbramatic: fuck [02:33 PM] Wack'd: The shackles Ben and Sharon are in are designed to sap their power but Ben figures out he can overload them by just exerting really hard [02:33 PM] Umbramatic: WILLPOWER [02:33 PM] Umbramatic: DETERMINATION [02:33 PM] maxwellelvis: Ah, the Return of Cooler method [02:33 PM] Wack'd: Sharon tries it but she's "not strong enough" so Ben needs to help her out. Of course [02:33 PM] Umbramatic: ew [02:34 PM] Wack'd: BEN SHE'S NOT CRAZY, SHE'S TRAUMATIZED, STOP BEING A HUGE JERK

[02:36 PM] Wack'd: So Ben and Sharon beat their way through some mooks [02:36 PM] Wack'd: Sharon gets knocked over and can't let Ben help her up because she can't have anyone giving her gentle physical affection, especially not Ben, who she wants to keep things totally platonic with [02:37 PM] Wack'd: Naturally this display of personal boundaries is also regarded as a sign of mental illness [02:37 PM] Wack'd: She also says that Ben "isn't a man" again [02:37 PM] Wack'd: As a positive but Ben takes it as a negative [02:37 PM] Wack'd: This is a note we're just gonna keep hitting I guess [02:38 PM] Umbramatic: -_- [02:38 PM] Wack'd: So Sharon gets to actually solve a problem for once [02:39 PM] Wack'd: She figures out that since Fasaud has been teleporting from America to Aqiria, he must need a satellite to bounce off of, so they can stop him there [02:39 PM] Wack'd: And whatdaya know, there's a rocket about to take off and an experienced pilot by her side [02:41 PM] Wack'd: While they fly, Sharon tells Ben she appreciates how supportive she's been, and Ben [02:41 PM] Wack'd: *sigh* [02:42 PM] Wack'd: Ben tries to say its because he's got a crush on her [02:42 PM] Wack'd: But while he's speaking he puts his hand on her knee, like a genius, and she tells him to get off [02:42 PM] Wack'd: And then Ben thinks about how this just isn't fair to him, why it's almost worse than still being hung up on Alicia [02:43 PM] Wack'd: Now this is all obviously weird and bad but also. While Ben had a crush on Sharon in his solo and stalked her this has not been a factor in Fantastic Four so far? [02:43 PM] Wack'd: Mostly his thoughts about her have been about how she's mentally ill because of her rape trauma [02:43 PM] Wack'd: So it's a bit of a swerve [02:45 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Fasaud uses the satellite, which has prototype Star Wars weapons (the government program, not the movies), to open fire on the rocket, but the rocket also has weapons. Fight fight fight [02:45 PM] Wack'd: Fasaud eventually decides the only way to win is to materialize into the rocket and fight Ben and Sharon there [02:47 PM] maxwellelvis: Wow, Englehart is even more in the Reagan cult than I thought, if he's depicting the Star Wars program as something that is actually being worked on and not immediately derided as an obvious fantasy, drive for votes, with no practical applications whatsoever. [02:48 PM] Wack'd: I mean, while certainly his misogyny and Islamiphobia points in that direction [02:48 PM] Wack'd: This is a sci-fi fantasy universe [02:49 PM] maxwellelvis: Even in a universe like that, I don't see SDI ever going anywhere. [02:49 PM] Wack'd: Fair [02:49 PM] Wack'd: You know I'm pretty sure TV signals definitionally are in more than one place at once but what do I know

[02:49 PM] Umbramatic: manifest in the rocket [02:51 PM] Wack'd: i want to punch englehart in the junk

[02:51 PM] Umbramatic: heck [02:52 PM] Wack'd: yeah, no, a rape victim with complex ptsd isn't pulling away, it must be because she's consented and not because she's freezing up or panicking or something [02:53 PM] Wack'd: while, yes, sharon has been active and aggressive in resisting physical affection in the past, these things are not always consistent and logical [02:53 PM] Wack'd: but yes, in this fictional narrative, written by a guy who clearly has no fucking clue about anything, we, the audience, are meant to agree that sharon is into this, so whatever [02:54 PM] Wack'd: never mind the fact that even if she does like him that way it is probably not going to immediately overcome any and all issues she's had about physical contact [02:55 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Comic writers trying to understand the complexities of sexual assault survivors challenge (impossible) [02:55 PM] Wack'd: anyway fasaud takes refuge in the electricity in the ship, and so the only way to kill him for good is to stop all currents in the rocket, which obviously means that now they're gonna crash back to earth [02:57 PM] Wack'd: here i presume is the part where sharon becomes she-thing

[02:59 PM] maxwellelvis: And where Ben turns into a pinecone. [02:59 PM] Wack'd: so since this is a paper scan we have ads and solicits [02:59 PM] Wack'd: and on one page some MARVEL NEWS [03:00 PM] Wack'd: so in the middle of this misogynistic madhouse, have a profile on outspoken feminist and one of marvel's most prolific female writers, ANN NOCENTI

[03:01 PM] Umbramatic: she's a mood [03:01 PM] Wack'd: Yep, here we go, Pinecone Ben and She-Thing Sharon

[03:02 PM] Umbramatic: hisuian ben

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #309

Thu Feb 10 2022 [01:02 AM] Wack'd: So on the ride to Aquiria Sharon muses on how Ben wants her to see him as a man and how he doesn't know how lucky he is to be different [01:03 AM] Wack'd: On arrival it turns out the King of Aquria is eager for the help because he trusted Fasaud and was about to fire him as oil minister when this all went down, and since then the guy's been a menace [01:04 AM] Bocaj: But was he a threat? [01:04 AM] Wack'd: Presumably [01:04 AM] Wack'd: Oh hey Bocaj your favorite dude gets namedropped [01:05 AM] Wack'd: The American ambassador says he feels its his fault that Aqiria didn't have its own body of superheroes to handle that since he was a friend of Henry Gyrich and believed "freelance heroes ought not to be encouraged" [01:05 AM] Wack'd: But now that they have a supervillain running around has had a change of heart [01:05 AM] Bocaj: ✊ -shakes fist- [01:05 AM] Bocaj: GYRICHHHHHHHH [01:07 AM] Wack'd: Another thing I have not had the wherewithal to bring up but is apparently gonna be a bigger deal now that we're doing a xenophobia about it is that a lot of attention has been drawn, mainly in narrative captions, to Sharon's legs

[01:07 AM] maxwellelvis: Of course we're gonna do this. [01:08 AM] Wack'd: Sharon backs down and agrees to cover up, since she's agreed to be a good team member [01:09 AM] Wack'd: Meanwhile, back in New York, Alicia is mad Johnny is bringing Crystal home for dinner [01:10 AM] maxwellelvis: Johnny you lummox [01:10 AM] Wack'd: After she hangs up she muses that she really shouldn't be surprised that marrying Johnny meant marrying the whole Fantastic Four [01:10 AM] Bocaj: It’s low hanging fruit but since I have the comic open anyway, I'm going to laugh at Johnny proposing a threesome.... for dinner [01:11 AM] Wack'd: Pfft [01:11 AM] Bocaj: "We could make it a threesome! I've been wanting to get you two together!" [01:12 AM] Wack'd: So Ben, Alicia, the US ambassador and the king hang around a bit, with Sharon chafing that Ben gets to do things like ask pointed political questions and walk around in trunks [01:12 AM] Bocaj: In fairness [01:13 AM] Wack'd: She notices a truck of rocket fuel, and she and Ben are hastily directed away from it. Their plan is to wait for Fasaud at the king's palace [01:14 AM] Wack'd: The animal poses here raise new and troubling questions about Alicia's methods

[01:15 AM] maxwellelvis: She had Ben wrassle with 'em [01:15 AM] Bocaj: So the zoo sedates animals so she can feel them [01:15 AM] Bocaj: Huh [01:15 AM] Wack'd: She has them sedated and then...poses them?! [01:15 AM] Wack'd: In some cases on their hind legs? [01:16 AM] Wack'd: And prys their mouths open?! [01:16 AM] Bocaj: Yes [01:16 AM] Bocaj: It’s weird [01:17 AM] Wack'd: "And John, you're sure you know what a fruit salad is?" "Yes! I don't know why you keep asking!"

[01:17 AM] Bocaj: Pfft [01:20 AM] Wack'd: Ben and Sharon break away from their hosts and into a restricted area with, I gotta say, one of the coolest bits of action I've seen in the comic in a while

[01:20 AM] Bocaj: Moooooomentum [01:20 AM] Wack'd: What does a cow get when it goes too fast [01:20 AM] Bocaj: Ground beef [01:21 AM] Wack'd: ...alright [01:21 AM] Larena: *Omochao voice* The Thing's gain-ing momentum! [01:21 AM] Larena: This joke is for no one in this room [01:21 AM] Bocaj: noooo [01:22 AM] maxwellelvis: Did Ben and Sharon tag with each other in their wrestling days? [01:22 AM] Wack'd: According to Englehart, no, but Ben's solo might say different [01:22 AM] Wack'd: Crystal and Alicia compare their Johnny origin stories, kinda [01:22 AM] Wack'd: Crystal's a straightforward retelling of her first appearances in the book [01:23 AM] Wack'd: Whereas Alicia's is a deleted scene

[01:23 AM] Wack'd: I post this partially because it's kinda cute, partially because it's a little bit of a weird fetishization of Alicia's blindness that's a marked contrast to how it's been treated thus far, but most importantly: [01:24 AM] Wack'd: I believe this is Johnny's first association with Fire Island, his visits to which will later become a keystone in queer theorizing around the character [01:24 AM] Bocaj: Huh [01:25 AM] maxwellelvis: Did... did Englehart not know who went to Fire Island? Or had it not gained that reputation yet? [01:25 AM] Wack'd: These are questions for folks far more versed in queer history than I am [01:26 AM] maxwellelvis: Oh good, I'm not the only one, nor the smartest person here, who is also yet ignorant of that history. [01:27 AM] Larena: Fire Island is a real place? [01:27 AM] Tagg: Yeah [01:27 AM] Wack'd: Yes [01:28 AM] Wack'd: Not only have I been there as a child but it's where I remember confiding in an older cousin that I felt much more drawn to books with female protagonists and felt secretly ashamed of it. It worked its queer magic on me [01:28 AM] Bocaj: Wow [01:29 AM] maxwellelvis: "Queer magic" [01:29 AM] Wack'd: Redundant, I know [01:29 AM] maxwellelvis: I am dying over your phrase-turning. [01:29 AM] Wack'd: Please don't die. The smell will be impossible to get out of the Discord's carpet [01:30 AM] Wack'd: Anyway, Alicia and Crystal's conversation starts getting uncomfortable and petty, as all conversations between a man's girlfriend and ex must eventually become in fiction [01:30 AM] Wack'd: "Fortunately" Fasaud arrives to break the tension [01:30 AM] maxwellelvis: *continues moaning melodramatically like Griffin McElroy after his bean got freaked* [01:31 AM] Wack'd: "Man, how is Alicia not used to this ye--oh no she's just being petty"

[01:31 AM] Bocaj: Sigh [01:32 AM] Wack'd: JOHNNY. JOHNNY THAT'S THE NAME OF A POWER YOU'VE HAD BASICALLY FOREVER. JOHNNY.

[01:33 AM] Wack'd: "what a stupid thought" indeed [01:33 AM] Bocaj: He's got ex-paranoia [01:34 AM] maxwellelvis: Johhny, you BLOCKHEAD! [01:34 AM] Wack'd: So with Johnny's heat and Crystal's elemental powers they create a thunderstorm, which "always degrades [TV] reception" [01:34 AM] Bocaj: Satellite maybe [01:34 AM] maxwellelvis: OTA transmissions definitely. [01:35 AM] Bocaj: There we go [01:35 AM] maxwellelvis: Hell, that hasn't stopped now that all the OTA stations transmit digitally. [01:35 AM] maxwellelvis: Except now a stiff wind can mess up the signal. It just doesn't get snowy anymore. [01:35 AM] Wack'd: Johnny talks about what a great team they make as Alicia sadly overhears [01:36 AM] Wack'd: Fasaud retreats to Aqiria, catching Ben and Sharon by surprise as they find a rocket [01:36 AM] Wack'd: (I mean they found rocket fuel, I don't know why a rocket surprised them) [01:37 AM] Wack'd: "Images cannot die like flesh! Please ignore the bleed from the other side of the page, the smudges in the ink, and the jpeg artifacting on this scan"

[01:38 AM] Wack'd: Fasaud knocks Ben and Sharon out and then it turns out the King and the US ambassador were on his side the entire time [01:38 AM] Bocaj: GASP [01:38 AM] Wack'd: God I have two more years of Englehart left [01:38 AM] Bocaj: I knew nobody that liked Peter Henry Gyrich could be a good person [01:38 AM] Bocaj: Shame on you Mr. Ambassador [01:40 AM] maxwellelvis: Is this because they are also part of the world elite, or because they're Aqirian specifically? Choose your next words with exceptional care, Englehart. [01:40 AM] Wack'd: The ambassador is white, at least [01:40 AM] maxwellelvis: Ah. [01:40 AM] Larena: This motherfucker looks like hes about to give me wrong directions in Morrowind [01:40 AM] maxwellelvis: You should see him from the neck down. [01:42 AM] maxwellelvis: He looks like a bizarre corporate mascot [01:43 AM] Larena: Oh this guy is a Powerpuff Girls character [01:44 AM] maxwellelvis: My first thought was, from the neck up, a caricature of a Middle Eastern man, and from the neck down, a Deltarune character. [01:45 AM] Larena: Oh yep, that's it [01:45 AM] maxwellelvis: I knew I wasn't the only one getting that vibe from him. [01:41 AM] Wack'd: Just so this doesn't end on a dud note enjoy this bonkers advertisement in which Hawkeye and Mockingbird play William Tell

[01:41 AM] Bocaj: Why is this something they've done more than once [01:41 AM] Bocaj: They did this, with an apple, when the West Coast Avengers crossed over with Avengers for a milestone issue

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #308

Thu Feb 10 2022 [12:16 AM] Wack'd: 😬

[12:17 AM] Umbramatic: oh [12:17 AM] maxwellelvis: Whaaaaaaa [12:17 AM] Bocaj: Englehart is on a roll. Of sorts. [12:18 AM] maxwellelvis: Do you think there's going to be a plot reason for why Fasaud looks like he should be in a completely different magazine? [12:18 AM] Wack'd: So we start with Johnny flying around and then spotting a dude and a suit and a lady in a french maid outfit on the street. The former is trying to snap the latter out of a panic [12:19 AM] Umbramatic: what kinky roleplay is this [12:19 AM] Wack'd: The maid recounts a story of having been accosted by the dude on the cover while in the course of her duties [12:20 AM] Wack'd: He's, uh, vaguely TV-themed, talking about how the maid "cannot adjust [her] brightness but [she] can go to black!" [12:20 AM] maxwellelvis: Ahhh [12:20 AM] Wack'd: Demanding the whereabouts of a guy named Gregory Dunbar and then electrocuting her [12:20 AM] maxwellelvis: Okay, so why's he gotta be Middle Eastern, then? [12:21 AM] Wack'd: Dunbar is the name of maid and bald dude's boss and is also a reporter for CBS [12:21 AM] maxwellelvis: I was about to ask if anyone else got weird corporate aesthetic vibes off of Fasaud, but you answered the why for that question. [12:21 AM] maxwellelvis: But does anyone else get that vibe? [12:22 AM] Umbramatic: i can see it [12:22 AM] Wack'd: This would've been a real convenient power for Johnny to have when he watched that kid die of self-inflicted burn wounds in the hospital

[12:22 AM] Bocaj: Its been mentioned in some before times I think [12:22 AM] Bocaj: It gets mentioned in Secret Wars II although granted after the kid died [12:23 AM] Wack'd: Wild [12:23 AM] Bocaj: ... Maybe he learned how to do it because of that. [12:23 AM] Umbramatic: ...aw [12:23 AM] Wack'd: Welp now I'm sad [12:23 AM] Umbramatic: same [12:24 AM] Wack'd: Back at Four Freedoms--god I hate that the new building's name is twice as long as Baxter-- [12:25 AM] Bocaj: And you can't even abbreviate it because it has the same initials as the team [12:25 AM] Wack'd: Yeah! [12:24 AM] Wack'd: --Ben is locking up all of Reed's inventions since no one on the team knows how to use them anymore [12:26 AM] Wack'd: Johnny returns and takes Sharon by surprise. He thinks it's the flames but Ben knows it's because Johnny's a man [12:26 AM] Wack'd: And then a narrative caption tells us that within 15 minutes Johnny will be betrayed by a teammate [12:27 AM] Bocaj: I can't believe Sharon bent him in half like cellphone and dropped him behind the couch [12:28 AM] Wack'd: Over at CBS, Gregory Dunbar is angry because his funding for reporting on Cairo is being cut [12:30 AM] Wack'd: Some kind of point is happening here I guess

[12:31 AM] Wack'd: oh my god. okay [12:31 AM] maxwellelvis: Doesn't even seem to be touching him there. [12:32 AM] Wack'd: so johnny tries to attack fasaud but fasaud causes him to heat out of control and he needs to fly away before he goes nova [12:32 AM] Wack'd: which he does, and then passes out and begins to plummet [12:32 AM] maxwellelvis: With you so far. [12:32 AM] Wack'd: aaaaaand

[12:33 AM] Bocaj: Johnny died as he lived [12:34 AM] Wack'd: Crystal saves him by. Uh. Exploding a hot dog cart. And the heat catches Johnny in an updraft and wakes him up [12:34 AM] Bocaj: ... sure! [12:34 AM] Wack'd: And it's too much and Crystal passes out [12:34 AM] Bocaj: Lady characters always be doing one thing and passing out [12:34 AM] Bocaj: They call it fainting goat syndrome and Jean Grey discovered it [12:35 AM] Wack'd: Even fucking Bryne didn't use this trope, at least that I can recall [12:35 AM] Wack'd: Not to. Say he was somehow more feminist [12:35 AM] Wack'd: But at least his misogyny was more interesting [12:35 AM] Wack'd: This is a fucking Lee/Kirby trope [12:35 AM] maxwellelvis: This is up there with "Original Valkyrie was geased into being unable to fight women" in terms of "men shouldn't be writing feminist characters" [12:36 AM] Bocaj: I think that was in a Defenders thing [12:37 AM] Wack'd: Anyway seeing Johnny almost die has snapped Ben out of his animus. And Crystal saving Johnny has repaired their relationship, at least according to Ben's thought bubbles. So now Sharon is the weak link [12:38 AM] Bocaj: You'd think that maybe Johnny should be the one to decide that [12:38 AM] Wack'd: Ben is basing it on their post-fight interactions but I added that cribbing just in case Englehart walks it back [12:38 AM] Bocaj: Ahh [12:39 AM] Wack'd: I am skeptical that this one fight resolved all their stuff because after like twenty issues it seems a little pat? [12:39 AM] Wack'd: And I would not be surprised if those wounds reopen [12:39 AM] Wack'd: But similarly if they don't here is the thing I point to and say "everything's resolved, I guess" [12:39 AM] Bocaj: It does seem like the thing a comic book would do [12:40 AM] Bocaj: Big Dramatic Gestures are how relationships do [12:40 AM] Wack'd: True [12:41 AM] Wack'd: And now: Fasaud backstory [12:41 AM] maxwellelvis: Okay, so [12:41 AM] Wack'd: Prepare for some big late-80s anti-Arab paranoia [12:42 AM] Wack'd: So Sheik Farouk al-Fasaud was extremely rich and extremely anonymous [12:43 AM] Wack'd: Hailing from Aquiria, he used his wealth to manipulate western countries into accepting the decisions of better-known members of the Organization of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries [12:44 AM] Wack'd: This one reporter looked into him which caused him to become a major news story in the west, and he sought revenge [12:45 AM] Wack'd: But in attempting to murder him personally, he stabbed the reporter's TV camera, and the knife "completed a circuit through the camera and the uplink," turning him into some sort of TV-image-based phantasm [12:46 AM] Bocaj: That sounds like something electricity would do [12:46 AM] maxwellelvis: Steve Englehart is apparently really offended by the idea that countries who produce most of the world's oil ought to have a say in how it is distributed [12:47 AM] Bocaj: Its a shame about all the racism, a tv image based phantasm is an interesting idea [12:47 AM] Wack'd: Turns out the Cairo office closing is just handwaving why this reporter guy is back in America [12:47 AM] Wack'd: I would think "someone tried to murder him" would be reason enough but y'know [12:48 AM] Wack'd: I guess they didn't want to paint this brave reporter as a coward, seeing as his reporting got him a personal vendetta from a wealthy oil baron [12:49 AM] Wack'd: NOT ALL MEN

[12:51 AM] Bocaj: This is far above the FF the comic book's paygrade [12:52 AM] Wack'd: So Ben decides he and Sharon are going to Aquiria to hunt down Fasaud while Johnny and Crystal guard reporter dude [12:53 AM] Wack'd: And as the issue ends Ben muses to himself being the leader is hard, and that he needs to prove to the rest of the team that Sharon was a good pick and that he's a good leader or he'll have presided over "the destruction of the Fantastic Four" [12:53 AM] Bocaj: I think when you chose a member out of spite, you're maybe not a good leader [12:53 AM] Bocaj: It's maybe sorta working itself out through Grand Dramatic Rescues [12:53 AM] Bocaj: But. You chose someone specifically for friction [12:54 AM] Wack'd: I've been kinda glossed over it because there's already a lot going on but a lot of folks have been remarking on how Ben is taking decisive action and stepping up to the plate [12:54 AM] Wack'd: So he is maybe fussing over nothing wrt to his rep as leader, especially as he's the only one who seems to think Sharon is, in his words, "nuts"

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #307

Wed Feb 9 2022 [11:25 PM] Wack'd: Reed, Sue, and Franklin are leaving! [11:27 PM] Bocaj: Bye Reed, Sue, and Franklin! [11:27 PM] Umbramatic: SO LONG SUCKERS [11:28 PM] Wack'd: There are some goodbyes but they're mostly just folks recapping the plot at each other [11:28 PM] Umbramatic: as one does [11:29 PM] Wack'd: Crystal is gonna change back into her old FF blues but Sharon will be keeping the Ms Marvel getup until she feels she's earned her place on the team [11:30 PM] Wack'd: Everyone is very concerned about how tightly wound Sharon is. Thought bubbles regarding her as a bit of a ticking time bomb. Some early 60s "Ben has anger issues because he's a monster now" vibes coupled with good ol misogyny [11:31 PM] Umbramatic: geez [11:31 PM] Bocaj: 😐 [11:32 PM] Wack'd: Diablo is in the hospital because he was beaten half to death, but once his doctor and his police watchman leave it turns out he put "elixir of rejuvenation" in his hair before the fight so he's fine now [11:33 PM] Umbramatic: he put it [11:33 PM] Umbramatic: in his hair [11:33 PM] Wack'd: He says he "impregnated" his hair with it, yeah [11:33 PM] maxwellelvis: He what?! [11:33 PM] Umbramatic: i was imagining like slathered like shampoo but that's worse [11:34 PM] Wack'd: I wonder what commonly-used word choices comics use now that'll be a source of fun in twenty years [11:34 PM] Bocaj: In Busiek's Avengers it was mentioned that he soaked his mustache in potions [11:34 PM] Bocaj: So he just does stuff like this [11:35 PM] Wack'd: Anyway he recaps his backstory--wealthy aristocrat, found better living through alchemy, became a lord, got on the wrong side of a peasant uprising, was entombed for centuries until the Four came to his castle on holiday and he mind-controlled Ben into busting him out [11:39 PM] Wack'd: So Diablo has broken out of the hospital and is going wild with transmutation [11:39 PM] Wack'd: Turning furniture in Ben and Alicia's apartment into dragons, turning the city streets into tentacles, etc [11:40 PM] Umbramatic: somewhere, somehow, the elric brothers get fucked by this [11:40 PM] Wack'd: And so the babysitter becomes the babysat

[11:41 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile Reed, Sue, and Ben have moved to Stamford, Ct, but upon arriving overhear a radio news report about the Diablo stuff [11:42 PM] Wack'd: So Reed asks Franklin to project back to NYC and check it out [11:42 PM] maxwellelvis: The boy is not a drone, Reed [11:43 PM] Umbramatic: reed with franklin [11:43 PM] Bocaj: Ha [11:43 PM] Wack'd: One! One giant castle in Manhattan! Ah ha ha ha 🌩️

[11:43 PM] maxwellelvis: There's one already in Central Park! [11:44 PM] maxwellelvis: Diablo! [11:44 PM] Bocaj: There are more castles in New York than you'd expect [11:44 PM] maxwellelvis: What's wrong with Belvedere Castle? [11:44 PM] Bocaj: So many people decide to move an entire castle from Europe to the states [11:44 PM] Bocaj: Black Knight did it. Count Nefaria did it [11:44 PM] Bocaj: Xanatos did it [11:44 PM] Wack'd: Reed is like "we've got to go back" and Sue is like "uh. we explicitly decided this wasn't our problem anymore" [11:45 PM] Wack'd: And Reed, to his credit, chalks it up to instinct and apologizes [11:45 PM] Umbramatic: i love glob franklin in the corner there [11:46 PM] Wack'd: *cough*

[11:47 PM] Bocaj: Well [11:47 PM] Umbramatic: b a l l s [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: We've got 'em [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Thank god someone's getting as fed up as I am

[11:50 PM] Wack'd: And so Diablo is defeated and forced to fix the city. And arrested[11:50 PM] Umbramatic: hooray![11:50 PM] Wack'd: The new Fantastic Four give themselves a well-deserved pat on the back and even seem to be getting along[11:50 PM] Wack'd: And Franklin returns to consciousness to report that all's well that ends well

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #306

Wed Feb 9 2022 [10:43 PM] Wack'd: Medusa and Blackagon are here to drop off Crystal's baby Luna, and to provide a live-in nanny in Maya

[10:44 PM] Wack'd: I have no idea what this aesthetic is. You've got axe-shaped hair, you've got shoulderpads, you've got an umbrella strapped to a bag of some sort [10:46 PM] Umbramatic: that's what i'm reminded of [10:44 PM] Bocaj: Sounds "jake"? [10:45 PM] Wack'd: Maybe that's a thing people said in 1987 [10:46 PM] Wack'd: Reed's glad Maya can make an artificial moon environment as he "wouldn't recommend a regimen of drugs for a toddler" [10:46 PM] Wack'd: Kids. Do take drugs? They've got health issues? [10:47 PM] Wack'd: Maybe fuck Reed Richards more this issue than usual

[10:49 PM] Wack'd: Just outside the Baxter, Steve Rogers has just given current Ms. Marvel and Ben's-love-interest-during-his-solo Sharon Ventura a motorcycle ride to NYC following some prior, unseen adventure [10:50 PM] Wack'd: Sharon seems to resent that Steve couldn't just put her on a train, and that he thinks she needs his help in general, yelling "I've been on my own since I was sixteen! I don't need a bodyguard! More than that, I don't want a bodyguard! I'm not a basket case!" [10:51 PM] Wack'd: Sure to make her popular with Reed [10:51 PM] Umbramatic: eep [10:51 PM] maxwellelvis: She's a misandrist. That's her one character note. [10:51 PM] Bocaj: Joy [10:51 PM] maxwellelvis: Ben is the only man in the world she doesn't hate. [10:52 PM] Wack'd: Which is weird because he spent most of his solo stalking her [10:52 PM] maxwellelvis: I think there is some psychological trauma behind it, but given it's the 80's- yeah, that's the level of deftness you can expect that to be treated with. [10:53 PM] Bocaj: Comic writers. Are bad. At writing women. [10:53 PM] Bocaj: Englehart. More than some. [10:53 PM] Wack'd: Steve is just like "okay. Hope everything works out" and drives away [10:53 PM] Bocaj: Heh [10:53 PM] Wack'd: Trying to release Pietro into Inhuman custody doesn't go great but ultimately Lockjaw catches him [10:53 PM] Bocaj: Lockjaw is best Inhuman [10:53 PM] Bocaj: Pros: dog, giant dog, teleporting giant dog [10:54 PM] Bocaj: Cons: probably massive poops [10:54 PM] Wack'd: Jesus Ben not everything is a metaphor for your relationship problems

[10:54 PM] Umbramatic: oh no [10:54 PM] Bocaj: Its how he relates [10:56 PM] Bocaj: I know that they probably wouldn't take the piss out of Ben's melancholy but imagine him actually making everything a metaphor for his problems [10:57 PM] Bocaj: He gets a sandwich and just mournfully sighs over it [10:57 PM] Wack'd: *siiiiiigh* The tragic backstory is rape, because of course the dudes running comics think being raped turns you into a cartoon misandrist

[10:57 PM] Bocaj: hooooooooooooooo boyyyyy [10:57 PM] Umbramatic: oh. ah fuck [10:58 PM] Wack'd: Ben thinks he saw Sharon from a window and goes after her. Again. Stop chasing this lady, Ben [10:59 PM] Wack'd: It's interesting that Sharon refers to them as having "run into each other". I didn't actually read that Thing run so I don't know if she ever became aware Ben was stalking her or not [11:01 PM] Bocaj: She mentions that Ben was happy to join the WCA but he joins them in one issue and quits the next [11:01 PM] Bocaj: So [11:01 PM] Wack'd: Ben vast swaths of this are pretty unambiguously your fault

[11:02 PM] Bocaj: Geez Ben [11:02 PM] Umbramatic: -siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh- [11:03 PM] Wack'd: Suddenly: Diablo [11:03 PM] Bocaj: Why [11:03 PM] Wack'd: Because Diablo [11:03 PM] Umbramatic: diabolical [11:04 PM] Wack'd: Ben is like "it's pretty stupid for a guy with control of elementals to attack a woman with control over the elements", but Diablo has a new trick up his sleeve [11:04 PM] Wack'd: THE TRANS-MUTANT! [11:04 PM] Wack'd: Because he can. Transmute things. [11:04 PM] Wack'd: I did a double-take [11:05 PM] Wack'd:

[11:06 PM] Wack'd: This dude turns Crystal to gold [11:06 PM] Bocaj: Wellp [11:06 PM] Wack'd: Transmutes her, sorry [11:06 PM] Wack'd: Then the rest of the team shows up [11:06 PM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [11:07 PM] Wack'd: The team has their asses roundly kicked until Sharon comes up and sucker-punches Diablo from behind [11:07 PM] Bocaj: Sure! [11:08 PM] Wack'd: augh

[11:09 PM] Bocaj: "You're not like other men, what with their mustaches" [11:09 PM] Wack'd: i guess there. were. some kinda trans resonances to this. accidentally. and in the context of some real stupid misogyny from the writer [11:10 PM] Bocaj: Yeahhh [11:10 PM] Umbramatic: yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah [11:10 PM] Wack'd: transing monstrous bodies has been done well in superhero comics--i’d recommend rachel pollack’s doom patrol here and basically always--but this is. not that, really [11:10 PM] Bocaj: Unfortunately for Sharon Ben will eventually grow a beard [11:11 PM] Wack'd: pffft [11:11 PM] Umbramatic: ben with a beard is cursed [11:11 PM] Bocaj: He's pulling this one off okay [11:12 PM] maxwellelvis: "Even Susie's got a beard in the future. She's got a huge one like a rhododendron bush." [11:12 PM] Bocaj: -google- BOO, BOO WRITERS [11:13 PM] Bocaj: Cowards [11:13 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah, should have gone with mine. [11:17 PM] Wack'd:

[11:18 PM] Bocaj: Interesting roster that's shaping up [11:18 PM] Bocaj: Its like someone asked Ben to design a team that would explode and he said challenge accepted [11:18 PM] Wack'd: Letters! Letters letters letters

[11:20 PM] Umbramatic: i need to try with my dog [11:20 PM] Umbramatic: how ben grimm is her nose [11:21 PM] Wack'd: One writer complains about Johnny/Alicia while also feeling the book is regressing to the 60s too much. Pick a side, dude [11:22 PM] Wack'd: Another guy complains that the wedding issue said Johnny's middle name is Lowell while a previous issue said it was Spencer. Editorial has decided Spencer is the correct middle name [11:22 PM] Umbramatic: update her nose bumps are significantly finer than ben's bumps [11:22 PM] Wack'd: Huh! [11:23 PM] Bocaj: "It was Spencer but he changed it to Lowell. Why he did that, we can't say. Maybe he just liked it better that way." [11:23 PM] Wack'd: One writer wants to know if the Fantastic Four know Agatha died in Vision and Scarlet Witch. Editorial says they do but it just hasn't come up in conversation

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol. 1 Annual 1987

Wed Feb 9 2022 [09:37 PM] Bocaj: An annual? Noooooo [09:37 PM] Wack'd: I don't usually take note of the credits superlatives but I have to admit I chuckled at "J Jonah Jim Shooter" [09:38 PM] Wack'd: The idea of J Jonah as an intensifier is very good [09:38 PM] maxwellelvis: Not making a lot of friends, is he? [09:38 PM] Wack'd: So the annual picks up, for I'm pretty sure the first time since the sixties, in the middle of the actual ongoing mag [09:39 PM] Wack'd: With Doom having just shown up demanding Franklin Richards [09:40 PM] Wack'd: So. Apparently way back in a Ka-Zar comic from 1971--god I hate comics-- [09:41 PM] Wack'd: It was established that Doom annually does battle with Mephisto for the soul of his mother [09:41 PM] Wack'd: And this year he's like "wait a second, Franklin kicked Mephisto's ass that one time" [09:41 PM] Wack'd: So he's come to this four-year-old for backup [09:41 PM] maxwellelvis: ......Why would Ka-Zar know that? [09:42 PM] Wack'd: It was established in an issue where Ka-Zar and Doom teamed up [09:43 PM] Wack'd: Anyway what Reed wants to know is what and how Doom knows about Franklin and when it turns out Doom knows a creepy amount Reed is like "actually fuck off" [09:45 PM] Bocaj: That’s a valid response [09:45 PM] Wack'd: Doom leaves peacefully and everyone is like "wow, that was weird, but I guess it's over" [09:45 PM] Wack'd: And then the drone strike starts [09:46 PM] Wack'd: Four Freedoms comes equipped with defensive shields like on Star Trek or whatever but they're not enough and Reed needs to do some tinkering with the settings [09:46 PM] Wack'd: Which leads Ben to realize that when Reed and Sue leave he's gonna need a new science officer [09:48 PM] Wack'd: After a very, very long fight scene, the team finally defeats all of Doom's flying shooty robots [09:48 PM] Wack'd: And while they're trying to do the last page wrap-up gloating thing they usually do in shorter issues, one last surviving robot takes them by surprise and snags Franklin [09:48 PM] Bocaj: Womp womp [09:49 PM] Wack'd: "Doctor Doom knows better! Doctor Doom works alone and talks to no one. Thus--*Doctor Doom wins!*" say the narrative captions [09:50 PM] Wack'd: What kind of message is those narrative captions sending to our children [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: HAIL DOOM, that's the message it's sending [09:50 PM] Wack'd: The robot deposits Franklin in Doom's jet, which then blasts away faster than Johnny can follow [09:51 PM] Wack'd: Johnny recovers the robot thinking Reed can get a clue out of it but Reed just gets mad Johnny thought that was a good idea [09:52 PM] Bocaj: Hey he’s trying Reed [09:52 PM] Wack'd: Reed then gets mad at Ben because if Ben had picked a new team by now, he and Sue and Franklin would all be retired somewhere, which [09:52 PM] Wack'd: Doom would've just tracked them there, probably? And they'd have less backup? But Reed's mad, his son's just been abducted, whatever [09:53 PM] Wack'd: Sue is more levelheaded about it and tells them to stop squabbling so they can go invade Latveria already [09:54 PM] Bocaj: It’s not even an international incident anymore [09:54 PM] Bocaj: It’s an option the customs agent says [09:54 PM] Bocaj: "Business, pleasure, getting back at our iron fisted leader?" [09:54 PM] maxwellelvis: And if you answer that third one, they call security and a horde of Servo-Guards come to arrest you. [09:54 PM] Bocaj: I mean if you're dumb enough to answer that... [09:54 PM] Wack'd: Oh no turns out Reed's actually mad because Doom knew more about Franklin's powers than Reed did [09:54 PM] Bocaj: fuckin Reed [09:54 PM] Wack'd: And sees his own lack of knowledge about his son as a parenting failure in his part [09:55 PM] Bocaj: I mean he's half right [09:55 PM] Bocaj: "And sees his own.... parenting failure..." [09:55 PM] Wack'd: "Doom's spent more time on him than I have! God help me, what kind of a father am I...?" [09:56 PM] Wack'd: Over in Doom's jet, Franklin has deliberately passed out so he can send his dream-self back home, but Doom's accounted for that and Franklin can't pass through the walls [09:57 PM] Bocaj: DREAMPROOF WALLS [09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: He's got anti-astral-projection walls? What are they lined with, tinfoil? [09:57 PM] Bocaj: Oh wait yeah he's magic [09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: You can forget that because he rarely resorts to using his wizardry. [09:57 PM] Wack'd: What Doom actually says is the walls have "mental dampeners" so he's at least trying to pretend it’s science [09:57 PM] Bocaj: I'm wise to his game [09:58 PM] Bocaj: “HAIL SCIENCE!” [09:58 PM] maxwellelvis: So it's like with the Doctor [09:58 PM] maxwellelvis: always wraps up magic stuff in scientific lingo because he'd rather eat his own head than admit it's magic. [09:59 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Doom explains to Franklin how Mephisto took his mom and Franklin's like "yeah sure, I'll help" [09:59 PM] Bocaj: What a nice kid [09:59 PM] Wack'd:

[10:00 PM] Bocaj: I just cannot imagine that being a conversation in the Baxter Four Freedoms Building Plaza [10:00 PM] maxwellelvis: Ben might say that [10:00 PM] Wack'd: I do genuinely love that this is Doom's conception of his relationship to the Four [10:00 PM] Wack'd: That they loathe him so much that this tactic would even occur to them [10:01 PM] Umbramatic: omg [10:01 PM] Umbramatic: i love it too [10:01 PM] Wack'd: Also there's a specificity to it being "turnips" that's making me laugh [10:01 PM] Wack'd: I dunno [10:01 PM] Wack'd: It's delightful [10:01 PM] maxwellelvis: "Turnip" is a funny word [10:01 PM] Bocaj: I don't think they see much use as a staple vegetable in New York [10:02 PM] Wack'd: Back with the Four we do that thing we do sometimes when it's a quiet rocket ride and we do a quick check-in on everyone's thoughts [10:03 PM] Bocaj: Do this thing we do sometimes ever have someone just not thinking of anything serious or having a head empty moment? [10:03 PM] maxwellelvis: I was about to ask [10:03 PM] Wack'd: Not that I can recall [10:03 PM] Bocaj: We're having some specific shared thoughts today [10:03 PM] Wack'd: I think it's the sort of thing that only becomes an obvious trope on a studious full-length reread, it doesn't happen frequently enough yet for someone to think to subvert it [10:04 PM] Wack'd: Johnny's angry that Crystal's come back, Crystal's considering leaving as she's clearly a source of tension, Sue doesn't like their chances with the team being in a tiff, and Reed's just wondering why Franklin's dream self hasn't shown up [10:05 PM] Bocaj: "Could he have lined the walls with--No! Latveria could not have access to tin foil... God help us if they do" [10:05 PM] Wack'd: Pfft [10:05 PM] Wack'd: Ah! Here we see why Johnny brought that robot back [10:06 PM] Wack'd: Kristoff whistles a tone that Doom programmed into all his robots as a verification key, and then instructs the robot to free him [10:06 PM] Bocaj: God dammit johnny [10:06 PM] Umbramatic: oh geez [10:06 PM] Bocaj: You had no way of knowing this would happen and yet its your fault [10:07 PM] Wack'd: Sometimes when you swap out pencilers certain details vary if they've not been specified in the script, so either Englehart never actually described Kristoff's room or Neary never got that specific instruction [10:08 PM] Wack'd: In any case it's here depicted not as a rubber-walled solitary confinement cell, as under Buscema, but as a benign child's bedroom, with a TV, and toys and comics lining the floor [10:08 PM] Umbramatic: ...huh [10:08 PM] Bocaj: Neary: -doesn't think Reed would stuff a child into a padded cell, apparently- [10:08 PM] Umbramatic: much healthier but [10:09 PM] Wack'd: Either Neary didn't think Reed would do that, or Buscema thought Reed would do that, or Englehart thought Reed would do that and told Buscema but not Neary [10:09 PM] Wack'd: Who knows [10:10 PM] Bocaj: The Shadow knows [10:10 PM] Bocaj: We've been over this. [10:10 PM] Wack'd: Ah! Turns out Reed deliberately left that robot within listening distance of Kristoff, so Kristoff would break out, return to Latveria, and the Four could sneak in behind him [10:10 PM] Bocaj: .... [10:10 PM] Bocaj: That's some four dimensional chess Reed is playing [10:11 PM] Wack'd: It's clever but also [10:11 PM] Wack'd: Reed was allegedly keeping Kristoff locked up to help him get over his delusions or whatever [10:11 PM] Wack'd: Are they planning on snagging him again on their way out [10:12 PM] Wack'd: I guess whichever parent Kristoff ends up with, it's a lateral move [10:14 PM] Wack'd: Doom the Brothers Grimm were from Germany. You're in no position to throw shade on other peoples' education

[10:15 PM] Bocaj: Is this like that thing where Klingons claim any human artist they like and say they were Actually a klingon? [10:15 PM] Wack'd: Fuck I was just about to make that same joke [10:15 PM] Umbramatic: omg [10:15 PM] Umbramatic: clearly doom is a klingon [10:16 PM] Bocaj: With that mask, we can't disprove that theory [10:16 PM] Wack'd: Doctor Doom: benevolent despot

[10:17 PM] Bocaj: Franklin looks like he's wandering off to find a construction site to be endangered on [10:17 PM] Umbramatic: he does [10:17 PM] Bocaj: ... I would kill for a cartoon of Doom enduring slapstick as he tries to keep Franklin from danger [10:17 PM] Umbramatic: same [10:19 PM] Wack'd: Kristoff arrives in Latveria and hits up a safehouse where Doom keeps a spare suit and some extra Doombots, and recruits them in defeating this obvious imposter Doom [10:20 PM] Wack'd: This poor kid is so close to getting it

[10:23 PM] Wack'd: Who'd've guessed the dictator was a bad guy

[10:24 PM] Wack'd: Kristoff shows up and he and Doom scuffle, during which Mephisto is like "while they're distracted I'm gonna grab Franklin and keep Doom's mom", which doesn't seem very sporting [10:25 PM] Bocaj: Play fair, Actually Satan [10:25 PM] Umbramatic: ah, mephisto. never change [10:25 PM] Wack'd: I mean look if Satan is real and can just do whatever the fuck he wants that feels pretty game-breaky [10:25 PM] Wack'd: Dudes like him need to be bound up in rules for a reason! [10:26 PM] Umbramatic: true [10:27 PM] Wack'd: The Four show up but they're trapped in the scuffle and only Reed manages to follow Franklin and Mephisto through the portal back to Hell [10:28 PM] Wack'd: You're getting greedy, Mephisto

[10:28 PM] maxwellelvis: He's the lord of evil, if he shouldn't be greedy, who can? [10:29 PM] Umbramatic: i see we have a soul hoarding problem here [10:29 PM] Wack'd: Reed slips Franklin a gizmo that reactivates his powers and Mephisto is like "nope, too hot for my blood" and poofs them back to Latveria [10:30 PM] Bocaj: Risk averse for a demon [10:30 PM] Wack'd: In fairness Franklin did literally kill him once [10:31 PM] Wack'd: Franklin's real mad at Doom about the double-cross and threatens to send him to Hell, but Reed is like "that's a bit much" so Franklin backs down [10:31 PM] Wack'd: I should point out Reed's been calling Franklin "Frank" a lot this issue, which feels wrong on a gut level [10:33 PM] Wack'd: Doom is pissed off at Kristoff but Reed points out that if Doom had only trusted Franklin, Franklin could've won Doom's mom's soul back [10:33 PM] Wack'd: Doom, begrudgingly, admits that he is perhaps a victim of his own ego [10:34 PM] Wack'd: And the Doombots, which identify Doom solely on brain patterns, can't distinguish between him and Kristoff, and have spent all issue in a tizzy about who their real boss is [10:35 PM] Wack'd: Unilaterally go "well, the real Doom would never admit a flaw, so obviously this guy's the fake" [10:37 PM] Wack'd: And with that all of Doctor Doom's robots drive Doctor Doom out of the capital, leaving Kristoff in charge of Latveria [10:37 PM] Bocaj: HA [10:39 PM] Bocaj: Doom: "I said 'perhaps'!" [10:41 PM] Wack'd: Pffft [10:38 PM] Wack'd: Reed tries to explain to Kristoff one last time that he's not Doctor Doom, he's an eight-year-old brainwashed to believe he's Doctor Doom and have all of Doctor Doom's memories [10:38 PM] Wack'd: But Kristoff is having none of it and tells the Four to piss off so he can hunt down this imposter and bring him to justice [10:39 PM] Wack'd: And with that, the issue ends

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #305

Mon Feb 7 2022 [12:23 AM] Wack'd: Great, one issue as boss and he's already Jack Donaghying

[12:23 AM] Wack'd: ...if this roof is accessible it should maybe have guardrails [12:24 AM] Wack'd: Oh no Ben took this job to "look better somehow ta Alicia" [12:24 AM] Wack'd: I'm sure she'll be very impressed by you being a petty jerk as her husband's boss [12:25 AM] Bocaj: Dammit Ben [12:26 AM] Wack'd: Crystal has dropped by to pick up her husband, who the Four have in containment [12:26 AM] Wack'd: In a cell next to Kristoff's, I'd guess [12:27 AM] Wack'd: HAHAHA I WAS JOKING, IT REALLY IS [12:27 AM] Wack'd: you tell 'em, crystal

[12:30 AM] Bocaj: glad that the internet doesn't exist in widespread use yet because Pietro would be on some subreddits [12:30 AM] Wack'd: Pietro attacks her, they have a knock-down, drag-out brawl, and Crystal decides to leave him to do what he wants, which is apparently to "reclaim his glorious mutant heritage" or whatever [12:31 AM] Wack'd: Also Inhumans don't have divorce because they believe in "the sanctity of family" so it seems really her only option is to just ditch him [12:33 AM] Wack'd: So Johnny and Alicia come home and Johnny and Crystal make pleasant small talk [12:33 AM] Wack'd: They seem to be, like, genuinely cool now? No more hard feelings [12:34 AM] Wack'd: So Ben sees this and naturally decides the perfect spite move would be inviting Crystal to join the FF [12:35 AM] Bocaj: Dammit Ben [12:35 AM] Bocaj: But Crystal is fun. So I'm torn. [12:35 AM] Wack'd: Oh. It worked. I was kinda hoping Johnny would be the bigger man and Ben would be like "huh"

[12:36 AM] Wack'd: But I guess Johnny has been doing a lot of being the bigger man through all this. Honestly it's about time he kicked back [12:36 AM] maxwellelvis: You expected JOHNNY to be the bigger man, even one time? [12:37 AM] Wack'd: I did! He's been remarkably cool thus far about Ben being a jerk! [12:38 AM] Wack'd: Ben himself is not sure if he's being a jerk on purpose

[12:40 AM] Wack'd: Both Ben and Alicia separately point out the only way this is a problem is if Johnny thinks he'll be tempted back to Crystal which I don't think tracks, but in any case Johnny decides to let the matter drop [12:40 AM] Bocaj: Lyja!Alicia: "You know what will solve this? Polyamory" Johnny: "Sorry, Alicia, I'm too mad at Ben to listen right now" [12:41 AM] maxwellelvis: "Did BEN put you up to this? I'm gonna kill him!" [12:41 AM] Bocaj: Ha [12:41 AM] Wack'd: Meanwhile with the Richardses, Franklin thinks this problem has an easy fix: Ben should date Crystal! That would solve everything! [12:41 AM] Bocaj: Nobody asked you, Franklin [12:41 AM] Bocaj: Is She-Hulk still around or did she take off? [12:42 AM] Wack'd: Jen's status is unconfirmed at present but if Kristoff didn't get shipped back to Latveria yet she's probably still around somewhere [12:42 AM] Wack'd: Maybe something happened in her own book, if she has one at the moment, I dunno [12:43 AM] Bocaj: She-Hulk's book starts in 1989 [12:43 AM] Wack'd: So not yet then [12:43 AM] Bocaj: Since Its by Byrne, I guess it has to wait until he comes back from reimagining Superman [12:43 AM] Wack'd: Oh also Franklin can remember Crystal's previous stint on the team despite being an infant at the time [12:44 AM] Wack'd: And Englehart has decided he's canonically four years old. We will see how long that lasts [12:45 AM] Wack'd: Also also Reed needs to make a new anti-pollution serum so Crystal can stay on Earth for longer stretches of time, which I mention only in case it's relevant later [12:45 AM] Bocaj: The anti pollution serum is how Pietro learned she was cheating on him by the by [12:45 AM] Bocaj: She overdosed on it by visiting Earth too much to bang that realtor man [12:45 AM] Wack'd: Ahh [12:45 AM] Bocaj: And then when in a serum coma she said realtor man's name [12:46 AM] Wack'd: Unimpeachable evidence [12:46 AM] Bocaj: I think she also confesses to Wanda when she wakes up from serum coma and Pietro overheard? [12:47 AM] Bocaj: Basically the most dramatic dumb way that things unfolded, they did [12:47 AM] Wack'd: Ah [12:48 AM] Wack'd: Sue and Crystal have a talk about Crystal's infidelity. Sue's having a hard time with it because even through her marriage's ups and downs she never stepped out on Reed [12:48 AM] Wack'd: Not everyone has your supernatural patience, Sue [12:49 AM] maxwellelvis: She's never stepped out on him while they were an item, but ISTR during that trial separation you mentioned earlier... [12:49 AM] Wack'd: Not even then! [12:49 AM] Wack'd: She mostly just hung out with her married friends on their dude ranch [12:49 AM] Wack'd: If they were a thruple with them it never came up [12:49 AM] Bocaj: She's never stepped out on Reed but she did used to keep a shirtless picture of Namor for emergencies [12:50 AM] Wack'd: Crystal says she doesn't chase men by nature. "I'm not Tigra!" [12:50 AM] Wack'd: *sigh* Poor Tigra [12:51 AM] Bocaj: Crystal, so rude to slut shame someone and also someone who wasn't even part of the conversation [12:51 AM] Wack'd: But she reassures Sue that this was all situational and she's not going to be a homewrecker anymore. Sue outwardly is like "I believe you" but in thought bubbles is not buying it [12:52 AM] Wack'd: Also when Sue asks what's gonna happen with Luna, Crystal's like "the same thing that happened with Franklin: copious nannies." Which should be a bigger point of concern for "I'm a good mom now" Sue but she expresses no further interest in the subject [12:52 AM] Bocaj: Not gonna throw stones from within the glass house [12:52 AM] Wack'd: Probably the smart move [12:52 AM] Bocaj: Unfun fact: Tony Stark kills Luna's nanny later later on [12:53 AM] Wack'd: "Jarvis has sole dominion over babysitting neglected Fantastic Four children! I need to kill Alicia and Agatha next" [12:53 AM] Bocaj: Ha [12:54 AM] Wack'd: Johnny and Alicia are househunting. They find a nice penthouse. Realtor says they'd require Johnny take full responsibility for any fire damage [12:54 AM] Bocaj: Good to address that upfront I guess [12:55 AM] Bocaj: Get some unstable molecule paint, Johnny. Give the place a couple coats [12:55 AM] Wack'd: Crystal gets a new serum that will allow her to go a full week between doses with no adverse effects [12:56 AM] Bocaj: I wonder at what point the anti pollution serum stopped being a thing [12:56 AM] Bocaj: The Inhumans just move back to Earth at some point [12:57 AM] Wack'd: Probably when the hole in the ozone gets fixed [12:57 AM] Bocaj: Was the hole in the ozone layer the specific concern? [12:57 AM] Wack'd: No but it seems like a good place to drop it [12:57 AM] Wack'd: Not like we've fixed much else [12:58 AM] Wack'd: And with all the status quo tablesetting out of the way, have a cliffhanger

[12:59 AM] Wack'd: Don't worry, Doom. You'll get a Richards-Storm kid eventually [12:59 AM] Bocaj: "You have Kristoff so I'll take your son" "What? No" "DOOM demands!" [12:59 AM] Wack'd: I like that he doesn't give a shit about Kristoff. Just, unrelatedly, he's here for Franklin [01:00 AM] Bocaj: His feelings about Kristoff are pretty consistent [01:01 AM] Wack'd: He seemed to like him well enough when he was introduced [01:01 AM] Wack'd: Maybe he doesn't like him anymore because he's been unable to beat Richards for an interminable amount of time [01:02 AM] Wack'd: Letters! People are asking for No-Prizes for spotting Spidey in the wrong uniform on the cover of #299, to which the letter responder points out you get those for fixing mistakes [01:03 AM] Wack'd: D. Mongelei writes to ask we keep She-Hulk. Apparently she's already migrated back to Avengers [01:03 AM] Bocaj: HA [01:03 AM] Bocaj: I mean, sucks for you but good for me [01:03 AM] Wack'd: She will be missed [01:04 AM] maxwellelvis: Listen to you, Bocaj, you're starting to sound like a Marvel writer. [01:04 AM] Bocaj: I'm still annoyed that Byrne just took her from Stern and then never did anything with her [01:04 AM] Wack'd: It stinks, yeah [01:05 AM] Wack'd: Anyway. Next time: annual!

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #304

Sun Feb 6 2022 [11:33 PM] Wack'd: The title page declares this the beginning of a dynamite new era so someone--maybe Englehart himself--expected him to be the next Bryne [11:34 PM] Wack'd: Aaaaaaaand I just noticed when I updated my credits page on the blog I did so from an old copy and now a chunk of 1989 writers are just. Gone. So maybe Englehart lasts through 89. I'll figure it out. Two and a half years is slightly better than one and a half [11:36 PM] Wack'd: Reed and Sue are lavishing attention on Franklin, complimenting him on how big a help he's been against the Wizard and Mephisto and also apparently in a Power Pack issue [11:37 PM] Wack'd: What?! He's still here?!

[11:37 PM] Wack'd: They got permission to stick an eight-year-old in a rubber room indefinitely [11:37 PM] Wack'd: What the shit [11:38 PM] Umbramatic: the fuck [11:39 PM] Wack'd: I kind of assumed this got either cleaned up or forgotten about considering Kristoff hasn't been mentioned in a while [11:39 PM] Wack'd: Have they just been leaving him here while having adventures the past, like, year's worth of issues [11:39 PM] maxwellelvis: They left him a HERBIE [11:40 PM] Aleph Null: see? it’s not like it’s solitary confinement [11:40 PM] Aleph Null: perfectly ethical [11:40 PM] Wack'd: Actually a narrative caption reminds us that whole business with Kristoff being reprogrammed to be Doom and launching the Baxter into space was twenty-five issues ago [11:41 PM] Umbramatic: haha oh wow [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Johnny and Alicia get back from the honeymoon. Things are still. Very awkward with Ben [11:42 PM] Umbramatic: oof [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Johnny and Alicia have decided to get their own apartment. I guess Johnny broke the lease on the literal rats’ nest he had during the Bryne era [11:43 PM] Wack'd: And once Johnny, Alicia, and Franklin have cleared out, Reed and Sue drop a bombshell on Ben [11:43 PM] Wack'd: See, they want to be parents full-time for once, and have decided to offer Ben the chance to be the new leader of the Fantastic Four [11:44 PM] Umbramatic: well [11:44 PM] Wack'd: He decides they're just pitying him and storms off [11:44 PM] Umbramatic: aw [11:45 PM] Bocaj: "We're taking half the team, the rest is all yours bud, byyyye" [11:45 PM] Wack'd: They're not quitting, just shaking up the command structure [11:46 PM] Wack'd: Ben would make all the big decisions. Which. I'm not sure what those are? The Four tend to be fairly reactive when they're not jaunting through space. Not much to do as leader besides just fire the flare gun when something happens [11:46 PM] Wack'd: Like, these guys are less an organization and more a flat share that punches people [11:46 PM] Bocaj: Flat Share With Punching [11:47 PM] Umbramatic: living ideals [11:47 PM] Wack'd: So. Quicksilver kidnaps Alicia. For. Some reason [11:47 PM] Bocaj: HAHAHAHAHA [11:47 PM] Wack'd: Apparently Pietro's been going through some shit in other books [11:47 PM] Umbramatic: god damn it pietro [11:48 PM] Bocaj: This is the period of time where they flirted with turning Quicksilver into a villain, because of him learning his dad's Magneto [11:48 PM] Bocaj: And I think because Crystal cheated on him with a realtor? [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: "flirted"? [11:48 PM] Bocaj: They never fully pull the trigger [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: "Never" he says [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: They just delayed it. [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Do they have realtors on the moon [11:49 PM] Bocaj: It was Wanda and Vision's realtor [11:49 PM] Wack'd: Sick burn on the south Bronx outta nowhere

[11:50 PM] Bocaj: You look really reasonable right now, Pietro [11:51 PM] Wack'd: Oh boy, uh [11:51 PM] Wack'd: So Pietro has decided that since Johnny Storm didn't fight for Crystal when she cheated on him, the subsequent relationship and therefore Pietro getting cheated on is Johnny's fault [11:52 PM] Wack'd: And his revenge is, uh [11:52 PM] Wack'd: To leave Alicia tied up in the south Bronx [11:52 PM] Umbramatic: oh [11:52 PM] Wack'd: Where she is sure to be accosted by "rats" and "roving street gangs" [11:53 PM] Bocaj: That's dumb, Pietro [11:53 PM] Bocaj: This is why nobody likes you [11:53 PM] Bocaj: Not even me [11:53 PM] Wack'd: It's also, uh [11:53 PM] Wack'd: "I'm gonna tie this defenseless white woman up and leave her in the slums to be accosted by gangs" [11:53 PM] maxwellelvis: Racist [11:53 PM] Wack'd: Yes [11:53 PM] Wack'd: That [11:53 PM] Bocaj: That's dumb, racist, and heinous, Pietro [11:53 PM] Umbramatic: yeeeeeeeeeeah [11:53 PM] Bocaj: This is why nobody likes you, not even Magneto [11:54 PM] Wack'd: Fortunately Reed has tracked Pietro by, uh [11:55 PM] Wack'd: Apparently in normal people, poison builds up in the body when they're fatigued, and Pietro, as a speedster, exhales great amounts of that poison to keep himself going [11:55 PM] Wack'd: So Reed tracked that [11:55 PM] maxwellelvis: I don't think that's what lactic acid is, guys. [11:55 PM] Wack'd: I do not know if this has any basis in biology and I'm only moderately curious to find out [11:56 PM] Bocaj: Reminds me of the metal gear geckos that spray lactic acid out of their muscular cow legs [11:56 PM] Bocaj: Somehow. [11:58 PM] Wack'd: Reed and Sue can't do much against a speedster so Ben taunts him, and then pulls up a ramp of asphalt in front of him so when Pietro rushes in to attack him he gets mad air instead [11:58 PM] Wack'd: And then once he's in the air Johnny socks him [11:58 PM] Umbramatic: radical [11:58 PM] Wack'd: ...you could probably have gotten here with Reed and Sue but Alicia's not been a romantic partner to them so it's not as narratively satisfying [11:59 PM] Wack'd: Honestly the ramp thing makes more sense if it's an invisible force field I feel like? Whatever [11:59 PM] Bocaj: Making Pietro run into an invisible wall would be great [12:00 AM] Bocaj: Deeply satisfying [12:00 AM] Bocaj: And running into a wall and breaking every bone in his body is how he met Crystal so like. Thematic? [12:01 AM] Wack'd: In a perfect world Ben and Johnny both getting the win would turn to mutual respect and maybe, like, hey, you both love her so maybe both date her [12:01 AM] Wack'd: That is not what happens

[12:02 AM] Wack'd: Stan and Jack also had a workplace power imbalance and lowkey one-sided loathing so this is as good an issue as ever to dedicate to them [12:02 AM] Bocaj: To the best of my knowing, this makes Johnny the only person never to 'lead' the FF [12:02 AM] maxwellelvis: Next month: SONGS THAT MADE THE HIT PARAAAAAAAAADE! [12:02 AM] Wack'd: Also I guess Reed and Sue are leaving? Even though they said they weren't earlier [12:03 AM] Wack'd: I guess when Ben asked if they were breaking up the team and they said "no" they thought since they'd be replaced it's technically not breaking up the team? [12:03 AM] Wack'd: Anyway, I hope 305 has a wacky rejected applications montage [12:04 AM] Bocaj: So they DID take half the team and leave Ben holding the bag [12:04 AM] Bocaj: It goes right back to being funny [12:19 AM] Wack'd: Oh right there's letters [12:21 AM] Wack'd: All the letters are about how a previous issue reprinted a previous previous issue's letter page [12:21 AM] Wack'd: So moving on

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #303

Sun Feb 6 2022 [10:38 PM] Wack'd: Ben is in a mood over Johnny/Alicia stuff still, but for once decides to be a social, reasonable person and see if Reed and Sue wanna hang out [10:38 PM] Bocaj: My god [10:39 PM] Umbramatic: -gasp- [10:39 PM] Wack'd: But then he overhears Sue saying she wants to spend the night alone with Reed and Reed saying they should hang out with Ben so they don't think he's been ditched, and decides if it's gonna be a pity thing he'll just go mope outside [10:39 PM] Umbramatic: aw [10:40 PM] Wack'd: Once outside, he finds Thundra has returned to his time and needs his help! In her time! [10:41 PM] Umbramatic: :O [10:41 PM] maxwellelvis: "Are you sure this ain't just some kinda trick to get to wrassle me again?" [10:41 PM] Wack'd: You might remember Thundra came from a future where women ruled over men and then through a bunch of weird bullshit that future got merged with one where men rule over women to create a perfect heterosexual paradise [10:41 PM] Bocaj: Yeah [10:42 PM] Bocaj: I remembered part of that [10:42 PM] Umbramatic: i kinda recall [10:42 PM] Wack'd: Considering this is something Gerry Conway came up with for her after Thomas left I am...interested...to see Thomas' take on this [10:42 PM] Bocaj: There's two ways to handle a different writer messing up your concepts [10:43 PM] Bocaj: Doing a "yes and" or "nuh uh shut up" [10:43 PM] Wack'd: So the thing Thundra needs help with is that the men have gotten uppity and overthrown the ladies so I guess that perfect heterosexual future collapsed off-panel and/or in someone else's book [10:44 PM] Bocaj: Damn heteros [10:44 PM] Umbramatic: damn them [10:44 PM] Wack'd: Have an infodump and also some fun visuals

[10:45 PM] Umbramatic: ooooh [10:45 PM] Bocaj: Wow. That sure is. Some handwave [10:45 PM] Umbramatic: YEAH [10:45 PM] maxwellelvis: That's now how alpha rays work [10:45 PM] Umbramatic: THE FEMALE WUSSIFICATION BEAM [10:46 PM] Umbramatic: MAKES YOUR ESTROGEN DO THE WIDDLY DIDDLY [10:46 PM] Wack'd: Considering "male" and "female" are fuzzy, social constructs I am. Interested. In how you build a robot that has physical effects on only one party without getting into some real gross territory, but it's the late 80s and Thomas was just ahead of his time in the early 70s, so [10:46 PM] Umbramatic: oof [10:46 PM] Bocaj: It’s a robot champion [10:46 PM] Bocaj: Obviously it only understands binary [10:46 PM] Wack'd: 🥁 [10:46 PM] Bocaj: Thank ya thank ya [10:47 PM] Wack'd: ben these men are already misogynists, i don't think you needed the extra excuse

[10:48 PM] Umbramatic: i mean, it's like a bonus [10:48 PM] Umbramatic: the sweet cherry on top to ben's beat-em up sundae [10:48 PM] Bocaj: The way he says that does sort of imply that he's only begrudgingly here beating up misogynists [10:48 PM] Wack'd: BEHOLD, MALEKIND'S GREATEST CHAMPION

[10:48 PM] Umbramatic: sexy [10:48 PM] Bocaj: Oh geez Goro you let yourself go ro [10:48 PM] maxwellelvis: You beat me to it [10:49 PM] Wack'd: i love this dude. he looks like if popeye moved to the mountains and then fell in a vat of radiation [10:50 PM] Wack'd: man can't we get nonbinary representation that's not robots

[10:51 PM] Wack'd: ...hey wait a second how'd a third pronoun set get into THIS story [10:51 PM] maxwellelvis: What happened to Ben's singlet? [10:52 PM] Bocaj: Thundra hasn't met Vision and learned that artificial beings can have gender. [10:52 PM] Wack'd: I think Buscema either just plum forgot, or Thomas was like "aw I like him in the briefs though" [10:52 PM] maxwellelvis: Buscema drew the last few issues! [10:52 PM] Wack'd: I know [10:52 PM] Wack'd: Maybe he forgot [10:53 PM] Bocaj: Maybe that talk with Franklin talked Ben out of it? [10:53 PM] Wack'd: We'll see next issue I guess [10:54 PM] Wack'd: So in the aftermath of victory over this robot Thundra pops the question [10:55 PM] Wack'd: She likes his sense of humor, she respects him as a warrior, and her empire's expanding and she needs a second in command [10:55 PM] Bocaj: That third thing kicked me in the face [10:55 PM] maxwellelvis: "Ya had me in the first half, I won't lie." [10:56 PM] Wack'd: "Last I looked, you gals had a republic, not an empire." "We have expanded, and as this nation's military commander, I was named its empress." "Couldn't happen to a nicer girl." [10:56 PM] Umbramatic: oh my god [10:57 PM] Bocaj: Career oriented [10:57 PM] Bocaj: Better put a ring on her, Ben [10:57 PM] Bocaj: She'll be beating up suitors with a stick [10:57 PM] Wack'd: Ben appreciates the offer, and considers it considering how miserable his own life is, but ultimately decides it wouldn't be fair to her to marry her as a rebound because he's depressed [10:58 PM] Wack'd: He muses that what he really wants is not to have ditched Alicia for Battleworld and have his old life back [10:59 PM] Wack'd: To which Thundra's like "hey, we've got time travel and my society knows stuff about Secret Wars, I can make that happen" [10:59 PM] Bocaj: They do?? [10:59 PM] Wack'd: I mean she did come back in time to get him to begin with [11:00 PM] Wack'd: Her world is an alternate future, remember? [11:00 PM] Bocaj: I mean the Secret Wars thing [11:00 PM] Wack'd: Oh yeah she's like "we were monitoring it but we weren't there" in what's flagrantly a handwave retcon whatever [11:00 PM] Aleph Null: ‘snot very secret, then? [11:01 PM] Wack'd: I mean the entire city of Columbus Ohio was also there, so I dunno how secret it was to begin with [11:01 PM] Bocaj: Mostly in a marketing sense [11:01 PM] Bocaj: But when the Avengers got back from it, Captain America was like 'eh lets not tell the government' [11:02 PM] Wack'd: Oh right because there was a timeskip and status quo changes and it was like "what precipitated those changes will be a secret unless you read this event comic" [11:03 PM] Aleph Null: so like, the marvel-verse version of my maternal aunt and uncle knew about secret wars [11:03 PM] Aleph Null: the hypothetical version of myself in the marvel universe would have family involved in the events of secret wars [11:03 PM] Wack'd: Yes [11:03 PM] maxwellelvis: They were there [11:04 PM] maxwellelvis: They probably might have known one of the two ladies who became new supervillains during the event. [11:04 PM] Bocaj: God, that'd be wild [11:04 PM] Aleph Null: wild [11:04 PM] Wack'd: So back to this story [11:05 PM] Wack'd: Ben gets astral projected back to the moment he was about to leave for Secret Wars and steps out of the way of the teleportation beam just in time, turns around, goes home, and proposes to Alicia [11:05 PM] Bocaj: I wonder how this will inevitably go wrong [11:05 PM] Bocaj: This has What If written on it [11:06 PM] Wack'd: I think it's just good old fashioned guilt honestly [11:06 PM] maxwellelvis: Johnny will literally never know you did this to him, I say go for it. [11:06 PM] Wack'd: When Reed and Johnny get back from Secret Wars, Ben thinks Johnny looks sad about the wedding news, and speculates that he was already nursing a crush beforehand [11:07 PM] Bocaj: Maybe he's sad about Zsaji, his dead alien girlfriend [11:07 PM] Aleph Null: if i was kidnapped by the beyonder i would simply say no thank you [11:07 PM] Wack'd: And during the ceremony he spots Jen and Wyatt and is like "oh, right, I guess I broke them up retroactively" [11:09 PM] Wack'd: In any case Ben can't live with the guilt, objects himself during that part, you know the one, and then leaves through the wall of the church because he's kind of a drama queen [11:10 PM] Bocaj: Geez Ben [11:11 PM] Wack'd: Thundra has been monitoring Ben in case this happened and pops him back to the real timeline, just in time to avoid a mob of very confused wedding guests [11:13 PM] Bocaj: I bet this split timeline still exists [11:13 PM] Bocaj: Just being a really confusing AU [11:13 PM] Wack'd: And so Ben's learned that he needs to accept the way reality is instead of longing for what could or should have been [11:14 PM] Wack'd: Which, y'know, will be really funny in five years [11:15 PM] Bocaj: Ben learned the lesson, the writers didn't [11:15 PM] Umbramatic: yep [11:16 PM] Wack'd: Next issue begins the year and a half long Englehart administration and I'm sure when this issue was being put together someone asked him, "hey, Bryne kinda left you with the bag, and then Stern did this wedding and pissed off, you want us to fix this for you?" [11:16 PM] Wack'd: And there's a world where Englehart said "that'd be great, thanks" and this issue ended differently [11:18 PM] Wack'd: But Roy Thomas is also, you know, the guy that had Sue blow up at Reed over his sexism and get a trial separation where she tried to figure out who she is without Reed. He's a little cannier than his peers. There's a part of me that likes to think, unlikely as it may be, that he deliberately put together a cautionary tale about retcons and no one listened [11:20 PM] Bocaj: Makes me imagine his disembodied head floating around the marvel officers going "I warrrrrrned youuuu" whenever continuity gets tied into a knot [11:21 PM] Wack'd: Pfft [11:23 PM] Wack'd: Letters! [11:25 PM] Wack'd: Val Hutchinson of U of Kansas is liking how there's tension in the team again and Ben has some angst. I don't disagree but it's gotten a little one-note, which I guess it hasn't had time to yet for some folks as of five issues ago [11:26 PM] Wack'd: Kenneth A Lewis, address withheld by request, likes that Sue's "beautiful long hair" is back and asks Alicia's grow back as well. Ugh [11:26 PM] Umbramatic: yipe [11:27 PM] maxwellelvis: I can see why he'd ask them not to publish his address. [11:27 PM] Umbramatic: otherwise he'd catch these hands [11:27 PM] Wack'd: He also suggests a Fantastic Four lookalike contest, to which whoever responds to these letters remarks "if such a contest was extended to the entire Marvel Universe, it might never end" [11:27 PM] maxwellelvis: I was hoping it was only that first part and that the response would read as very scared and confused. [11:28 PM] Wack'd: Someone is really chomping at the bit for the return of Umbra and Jaagar. For some reason [11:29 PM] Umbramatic: i'm flattered [11:29 PM] Wack'd: Someone wants Sharon Ventura back from Ben's solo, which is neat for them eventually [11:30 PM] Wack'd: And finally the manager of this letter's column politely reminds any prospective letter writers that if you want to subscribe to the magazine please use that address, and not the letters column, please and thank you

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #302

Sun Feb 6 2022 [09:58 PM] Wack'd: Last issue: the cops are morons [09:58 PM] Wack'd: This issue: the military are morons [09:59 PM] Wack'd: Harassing Johnny and Alicia on a pleasant drive through upstate NY, trying to detain the two of them and grabbing Alicia without warning rather than just calmly explaining that they've set up a checkpoint here and need to search the vehicle [09:59 PM] maxwellelvis: “You saying I can’t camp here?” [10:00 PM] Umbramatic: geez [10:00 PM] Wack'd: Johnny and Alicia make it to their destination, a quiet little arts town [10:01 PM] Wack'd: This is great

[10:02 PM] Bocaj: HA at Johnny's face there [10:02 PM] Umbramatic: this is wonderful [10:02 PM] Umbramatic: his face [10:02 PM] maxwellelvis: It's great having an artist who doesn't draw the Storm-Richards family as horrifying monsters again, isn't it? [10:03 PM] Wack'd: I didn't think Bryne was that bad personally. I mean. His drawings [10:03 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah, but sometimes the faces he drew were.... [10:03 PM] maxwellelvis: unorthodox [10:04 PM] Wack'd: So this little arts community is in a tizzy because the army has been conducting illegal searches and just generally being awful [10:04 PM] Bocaj: Dammit the army [10:05 PM] Bocaj: Always being generally awful [10:05 PM] Wack'd: Some members of the community have been disappearing and then reappearing days later, amnesic and confused, and the army is basically using it as an excuse to be jerks in their investigation [10:06 PM] Wack'd: Johnny wants to get involved, but the local sheriff--a buttoned-up contrast to all these bohemian types--would really prefer he just continue letting he and the army handle it [10:07 PM] Wack'd: Back at Four Freedoms, Reed is conducting an experiment to see how far away Franklin can project himself [10:08 PM] Wack'd: OH! OH BOY!

[10:09 PM] Umbramatic: yipe [10:09 PM] Bocaj: Well [10:10 PM] Wack'd: "You see, Franklin, when a man and a woman love each other very much--" "The man locks himself away in his lab all the time and never talks to the woman unless they need to punch something?" [10:12 PM] Bocaj: “The things I’ve seen. They can never be unseen.” [10:12 PM] Umbramatic: good [10:12 PM] Wack'd: pfffft [10:12 PM] Umbramatic: stealing that [10:13 PM] Wack'd: So Johnny goes to talk to the army and finds out some nuclear warheads have been stolen. The army still doesn't want his help though [10:13 PM] Bocaj: Yeah the army is bad at not losing their nukes [10:13 PM] Bocaj: Its very alarming. [10:13 PM] Bocaj: It happens enough that the military has a term for it. Empty Quiver [10:13 PM] Umbramatic: o h [10:13 PM] Wack'd: So he returns home just in time for one of Alicia's artsy friends to kidnap her and Johnny [10:13 PM] Wack'd: They wake up in a cell and [10:13 PM] Wack'd: Things get very bonkers [10:13 PM] Wack'd: Very fast [10:14 PM] maxwellelvis: We talkin' "Last-episode-of-The Prisoner"-level bonkers? [10:14 PM] Wack'd: Not quite [10:15 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out this arts community has been hollowing out the mountain they all live on so they can use it as a high-tech fallout shelter [10:16 PM] Bocaj: That is AMAZING [10:16 PM] Wack'd: The reason some artists have been returning topside with amnesia is because they had second thoughts and needed to get a memory wipe if they wanted to leave [10:17 PM] Bocaj: ..... [10:17 PM] Bocaj: Sure [10:17 PM] Wack'd: Johnny concludes that they stole the nukes to launch the fallout shelter into space, but the council he's been brought before are like "what? No, that's nuts, we hate and fear nukes, that's why we built this place, why the fuck would we do that" [10:18 PM] Wack'd: And then the guy in charge of the fallout shelter is like "ah, no actually, that was me" and pulls a gun on them [10:19 PM] Wack'd: And the guards are all on the big boss's side, I guess because otherwise there's not much of a threat here [10:19 PM] Bocaj: Wow [10:20 PM] Bocaj: So they built a fallout shelter under a mountain. And the boss decided to steal nukes to launch the mountain into space. [10:20 PM] Wack'd: Yes [10:20 PM] Bocaj: I don't know what’s worse. That the boss thought of that idea or that Johnny is on enough of the same wavelength to also think of it [10:21 PM] Wack'd: I cannot emphasize enough how how amazing it is that when Johnny accuses them of this everyone's like "the fuck are you talking about" besides the one guy who's like "OH NO HE FIGURED IT OUT" [10:21 PM] maxwellelvis: He does know that a nuclear missile does not have the fuel or pushing power to lift a whole mountain into space, right? [10:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Have you seen how big a Saturn V rocket is? Have you seen how big the rockets that launched the space shuttles were? [10:22 PM] Umbramatic: OH MY GOD [10:22 PM] Wack'd: So the boss guy runs off to arm the nukes but Johnny reaches him just in time [10:23 PM] Wack'd: When the army retrieves this guy he's like "I was working on a non-nuke-based way to shoot us all into space but I was afraid the world would end before I could finish it" [10:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, Cold War [10:24 PM] Wack'd: Between this and the time warp bubble there's been quite a bit of nuclear anxiety in the comic lately [10:24 PM] Umbramatic: wow... [10:25 PM] Wack'd: But I admire the confidence of both plots being like "actually, trying to hide in a crazy sci-fi fallout shelter is stupid" [10:25 PM] Wack'd: It's a...weird moral...considering we didn't actually have crazy sci-fi fallout shelters [10:25 PM] Umbramatic: YEAH [10:25 PM] maxwellelvis: I wonder what could have happened in the past few months to have the writers of this magazine nervous about the leader of the United States's ability to handle a nuclear crisis. Hmm... [10:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Something to seed doubt of his mental faculties, perhaps... [10:25 PM] Wack'd: But there's an optimism to the insistence that we wouldn't need them anyway [10:26 PM] Wack'd: OH FUCK [10:26 PM] Wack'd: THAT'S WHAT FOUR FREEDOMS PLAZA BEING NAMED THAT IS ABOUT [10:26 PM] Wack'd: I got so caught up in far-right fears about terrorists and Islam I forgot all about communism [10:26 PM] Bocaj: Almost a meme format there [10:27 PM] Wack'd: We can workshop it [10:27 PM] maxwellelvis: It's not unwarranted; Reagan did use Islamophobia to steal the Big Chair away from Jimmy Carter, after all. [10:28 PM] Wack'd: This is definitely a meme format though. Just white-out "nuclear destruction" in the last panel and replace it with climate change or whatever

[10:28 PM] Wack'd: Anyway next issue Roy Thomas is back! Roy's my boy! [10:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Wonder where Roger's going? Is he going off to write Spider-Man now? [10:29 PM] Wack'd: *shrug* [10:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Nope, he'd already been dismissed from that ages ago, looks like. [10:30 PM] Umbramatic: huh [10:30 PM] Wack'd: Oh hey letters page [10:30 PM] Umbramatic: lettersssssssssss [10:31 PM] Wack'd: Sandy Kat of San Francisco thinks Marvel has been overusing the word "Awesome" lately [10:32 PM] Wack'd: AJ Lewis of Ohio argues at length that the 4 is now an abstract team symbol and and they can keep She-Hulk without changing the name. "Have the NEW MUTANTS changed their name to THE REGULAR MUTANTS WITH SOME NEW ONES?", he asks [10:33 PM] maxwellelvis: “He a little confused, but he got the spirit.” [10:33 PM] Umbramatic: i don't trust him, he's from ohio [10:33 PM] Bocaj: AJ Lewis of Ohio is going to be sad when they become X-Force [10:34 PM] Wack'd: And finally we're told that not only is Roy Thomas back next issue, so is Thundra! We're going full tilt 70s nostalgia, a thing I never thought I'd say about Fantastic Four unless I got to write it [10:34 PM] Bocaj: I wasn't certain whether you were being sincere when you said ya boy Roy [10:35 PM] Wack'd: Roy Thomas not only is the only Fantastic Four writer to give a clear, cogent argument as to why Sue's treatment is bullshit and try to give her agency in fixing it, but he also oversaw some gloriously bonkers bullshit [10:35 PM] Wack'd: By far my favorite Fantastic Four writer up to this point [10:36 PM] Umbramatic: ooooooh [10:36 PM] Bocaj: Gloriously bonkers bullshit is a strong selling point. [10:36 PM] Bocaj: As is the Sue thing

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #301

Sun Feb 6 2022 [09:05 PM] Wack'd: I see the Four's child neglect is reaching comical, Rugrats-esque levels

[09:06 PM] Bocaj: I think he's just saying Z [09:06 PM] Wack'd: A dialogue bubble reading "Z", reminding one of the letter "Z" [09:06 PM] Bocaj: Ha [09:07 PM] Umbramatic: zed [09:07 PM] Wack'd: We open on a Franklin dream sequence, which the narrator explains to us is actually events that are happening elsewhere [09:07 PM] Wack'd: In this case, the Four having tracked down the Mad Thinker to his lair [09:09 PM] Wack'd: I feel like apart from Doom and Galactus, Bryne's run was actually fairly light on returning baddies, or at least when they did come back it was in ways that were kinda bonkers (i.e. Psycho-Man turning Sue into a racist cenobite) [09:09 PM] Wack'd: So it's weird to get two consecutive issues that remember Mad Thinker and Wizard exist [09:11 PM] Bocaj: The Wizard and the Mad Thinker? Wow. That's a real. Uh. That's a real package deal. [09:12 PM] maxwellelvis: I wonder if we'll see Andy again. [09:12 PM] maxwellelvis: Or if he'll just be forgotten until Dan Slott revives She-Hulk in the Aughts [09:12 PM] Wack'd: So the Four clear out the Mad Thinker's lair and lead in a SWAT team. They're here because Reed discovered evidence of the wedding of the shit that went down with the both of them and also Philip at the ceremony. Which. [09:12 PM] Wack'd: They're busting up this guy's lair for shit he didn't even get to do [09:12 PM] Wack'd: Thinker and Wizard planned to disrupt the ceremony and then got their asses kicked [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: oh nooooooooooooo [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: well. oh no for them [09:13 PM] Wack'd: Seems maybe kinda petty to get the cops involved I dunno [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: yeah [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Also Ben decides that Philip saving the wedding is evidence he approves of Johnny. I am very excited for Ben to reach a point with the Johnny/Alicia stuff where he's no longer completely insufferable about it [09:14 PM] Bocaj: Its gotta peter out eventually [09:15 PM] Umbramatic: when peter parker gets involved [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm sure by the time Ben gets a monster girlfriend [09:15 PM] Wack'd: A SWAT guy hits a control panel and triggers a whole mess of generic silver humanoid robots because all cops are just absolute bunglers and dinguses [09:15 PM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: Must have been Reynolds, the clumsy fuck [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: Always getting in the Commander's way. [09:16 PM] Wack'd: While all this is happening Franklin is no longer just dreaming these events but astral projecting himself onto the scene and trying to avoid being spotted because he thinks it'd wig Reed and Sue out if they knew he could do this [09:17 PM] Bocaj: I still prefer it to god baby Franklin [09:17 PM] Umbramatic: well [09:18 PM] Wack'd: And speaking of astral projection, Mad Thinker has actually still been in jail this whole time! He just has an endless series of Thinkbots he can project his brain into, I guess. Kind of assumed that'd be a one-time trick last issue or at least he'd have to build another one after it got immolated [09:18 PM] Wack'd: He's very smug about the fact that since he's doing all this with the power of his mind there's no evidence in his cell that can pin crimes on him [09:19 PM] Wack'd: I'd argue if you want to not be caught doing crimes maybe don't make your proxy crime robot look exactly like you but whatever [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Thinker and the Wizard watch on a viewscreen as the Four do a fight scene, I guess from the Wizard's hideout, wherever that is [09:20 PM] maxwellelvis: Diablo's apartment [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Sure [09:21 PM] Bocaj: Supervillain roommates sounds like a good concept [09:21 PM] Umbramatic: It DOES [09:21 PM] Wack'd: Wizard spots Franklin on the viewscreen and is like "oooh, what if we kidnapped him" and Thinker is like, "uh, I'm not kidnapping a kid, fuck off, you weirdo" and remotely detonates the robot so I guess this is gonna be a Wizard solo mission [09:22 PM] Bocaj: Was it necessary to remotely detonate the robot? [09:22 PM] Wack'd: Probably not! [09:23 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out while Reed, Sue, Ben, and a buncha SWAT goons were busting up the Thinker's house, Johnny and Alicia are enjoying their honeymoon [09:24 PM] Bocaj: They're spending their time a lot more productively [09:24 PM] Wack'd: They're hiking, and Johnny needs to save Alicia from a rockslide [09:24 PM] Wack'd: Prompting Franklin--who's dream-spying on them now--to get jealous that everyone else gets to use their powers without it being a whole ordeal [09:24 PM] Bocaj: Jesus Franklin [09:25 PM] Bocaj: I guess he's always been a bit weird about his powers [09:25 PM] Wack'd: I think this is a fair perspective from a nebulously-prepubescent child who has no way of knowing how Children of the Corn he is from the perspective of everyone else [09:27 PM] Umbramatic: yeah fair [09:27 PM] maxwellelvis: Delayed realization: Could Xavier calling Franklin a pretender who made himself a Mutant because he wanted to think of himself as special be Slott doing his idea of a burn at Byrne? [09:28 PM] Wack'd: That's a fairly normal level of comics writer pettiness, yeah [09:28 PM] Wack'd: Wouldn't put it past him [09:28 PM] maxwellelvis: And like most such shots, it is fired decades after anyone else has cared about the issue. [09:28 PM] Wack'd: Maybe I'm fixating on the wrong thing but...what's Wyatt doing here without Jen? Does he just live here now? He's certainly making himself very much at home, putting his feet up on the furniture

[09:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Maybe he's looking after Johnny's stuff. [09:29 PM] Wack'd: Like I wouldn't object to Wyatt joining the Fantastic Four flatshare but it's making me realize that ever since his grandpa died and he moved to New York we've had basically no bead on what his whole deal is besides "dating Jen" [09:29 PM] Umbramatic: hm [09:32 PM] Wack'd: Franklin and Ben have a heart to heart

[09:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh hey, Ben's wearing the singlet! [09:33 PM] Bocaj: He just wanted to be a wrestler [09:33 PM] Wack'd: He had a full-body suit a couple of issues ago as part of his "I want to be covered up all the way because I'm so hideous" bit and the arms and legs got ripped off almost immediately [09:33 PM] Wack'd: So I guess he's just rolling with it [09:33 PM] maxwellelvis: And ditched the helmet [09:33 PM] Wack'd: What prompts this convo is he's contemplating bringing said helmet back [09:34 PM] maxwellelvis: Also, someone save the Franklin in panel 4, he'll drown! [09:34 PM] Wack'd: So the reason astral projecting Franklin went poof is that real Franklin woke up. In an experimental chamber in his dad's lab [09:35 PM] Bocaj: It be like that [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: f [09:35 PM] Wack'd: Reed was trying to turn his psychic powers back off. Ben storms in, gets pissed off, and immediately begins wrecking shop [09:35 PM] maxwellelvis: If we could isolate panel 4 of that page and blank out the text... [09:36 PM] Wack'd: AND IT ONLY TOOK TWENTY YEARS

[09:36 PM] Bocaj: Reed also be like that [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Franklin is much more panicked about everyone yelling and fighting than he is about all the gizmos his dad put on his head [09:38 PM] Wack'd: He wants to go see his friend Jarvis. Which. Jesus. He's been spending so much time being babysat by the Avengers and has so little other socialization that that’s his only friend [09:39 PM] Wack'd: Unfortunately a recent Avengers storyline has put Jarvis in the hospital but Ben volunteers to take him to go see him anyway [09:39 PM] maxwellelvis: No wonder he's so depressed as a teenager. [09:40 PM] Bocaj: I'm sure he hangs around the Power Pack too [09:40 PM] Bocaj: But they may have been cancelled by now [09:40 PM] maxwellelvis: @Bocaj That doesn't help [09:40 PM] Wack'd: "I'VE GOT IT! I'll wait for a member of the Fantastic Four, a team that famously owns a flying car and several jets, to hail a cab! I'm a genius!"

[09:41 PM] Umbramatic: brilliant [09:41 PM] maxwellelvis: It's ingenious when you consider there's only one member of the team who prefers cabs to flying. [09:41 PM] Wack'd: Yeah, the pilot [09:41 PM] Bocaj: Sometimes I feel like there's a sort of villain plot that only works because they read the script [09:42 PM] Wack'd: Yeah I'm thinking about what the Wizard would've done if Franklin hadn't needed to hail a cab that very night. Does he just spend months circling their block? [09:42 PM] maxwellelvis: He would [09:42 PM] maxwellelvis: and you know he would. [09:42 PM] Wack'd: Y'know what fair [09:42 PM] maxwellelvis: The Wizard is a sad, strange little man. [09:43 PM] Bocaj: I feel less bad for the time the Avengers bust into his house and kicked his ass now [09:43 PM] Bocaj: In fairness, it was after he broke out of jail [09:43 PM] Wack'd: "I've kidnapped the perfect member of the Fantastic Four to explain complicated scientific concepts to me"

[09:44 PM] Bocaj: "Explain everything you know about your mutant abilities" "Uh. They're abilities and mutant. I dream stuff sometimes. And I can go really fast without bringing myself along" "This is useless" [09:45 PM] Umbramatic: mmmmmm, serum [09:46 PM] maxwellelvis: "What secrets lie on the Fantastic Four's supercomputer?" "I don't know much about computers other than the one we got at my house, my moms put a couple games on there and--" [09:46 PM] Wack'd: So unfortunately the knockout gas and the truth serum are too much for Franklin and he can't wake up all the way, so Thinker turns his attention to brainwashing Ben with a fancy science helmet that narrative captions inform me are also a Lee/Kirby callback [09:47 PM] Wack'd: But as we've established just because Franklin's asleep doesn't mean he's useless [09:47 PM] Wack'd: Just, y'know, mostly

[09:47 PM] Wack'd: C'mon, this is the Marvel universe and you're a cop in NYC, you've seen weirder [09:47 PM] Umbramatic: slug child... [09:48 PM] Bocaj: That’s how Jack Powerpack used to look when he turned to gas [09:48 PM] maxwellelvis: Creepy [09:49 PM] Wack'd: *queer metaphor intensifies*

[09:50 PM] Bocaj: The one time Reed tries to hug his child, don't it figure [09:50 PM] Wack'd: Pfft [09:51 PM] Wack'd: So brainwashing Ben doesn't take. It's the same ol’ thing where seeing a loved one in danger immediately grinds mind control to a halt [09:51 PM] Wack'd: Wizard has a bad time [09:52 PM] Wack'd: scary sue

[09:54 PM] Bocaj: I like Reed just hauling him like a sack of potatoes [09:55 PM] Wack'd: And so Franklin is retrieved and Reed and Sue apologize for making him feel like he has to be scared of who he is, and say that from now on they'll figure out his powers together as a family [09:55 PM] Wack'd: So I give it, hm, maybe five issues before he gets forgotten again [09:55 PM] Umbramatic: aw

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #300

Sat Feb 5 2022 [12:22 AM] Wack'd: OKAY HERE WE GO [12:24 AM] Bocaj: Three hundred [12:24 AM] Bocaj: 🥳 [12:24 AM] Wack'd: So we open on Johnny arguing with the Daily Bugle's own Joe Robertson [12:25 AM] maxwellelvis: What's Robbie done?! [12:25 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is not very happy about being a headliner on the society pages [12:25 AM] maxwellelvis: It's not Robbie's fault you're one of the most talked-about people in the country. [12:26 AM] maxwellelvis: What's he supposed to do, pretend you're NOT more talked-about than both of the Coreys put together? [12:26 AM] Wack'd: Robbie is very calmly like "we checked our sources, so it's not libel, and you're a public figure, so it's not an invasion of privacy." [12:26 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is not having it [12:27 AM] Wack'd: Robbie offers to print a statement from Johnny who replies that "you couldn't print it in a family paper" [12:27 AM] Wack'd: It's about time Johnny got to be a jerk. Ben's been sucking up all the jerk energy as of late [12:29 AM] Bocaj: Johnny can be little a jerk [12:29 AM] Bocaj: as a treat [12:29 AM] Wack'd: Ben is pacing up and down Yancy Street. The Yancy Street Gang can't stand to see him miserable so they take Jen's approach from last issue and put a little fight in him to make him feel better [12:29 AM] Bocaj: Aw? [12:29 AM] maxwellelvis: Is this from when they traded in the porkpies for construction helmets? [12:30 AM] Wack'd: No, they still look like if the Little Rascals grew up to be West Side Story extras [12:31 AM] Wack'd: Meanwhile with the bridal party, the paparazzi start trying to hassle Alicia. Jen and Sue make quick work of them [12:31 AM] Wack'd: Jen "doesn't like men who sneak around with cameras", if you forgot that incident [12:32 AM] Wack'd: Over in Latveria Doom is planning…something involving flowers [12:33 AM] maxwellelvis: "They are gene-modded to aggravate Reed Richards' allergies. When the minister asks if there are any objections, Richards will be helpless to stop himself from sneezing, and the wedding shall be ruined! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" [12:33 AM] Wack'd: God, I hope that's it [12:33 AM] Wack'd: Over at Four Freedoms Johnny is beginning to feel a little young for marriage. Reed gives him a little pep talk [12:35 AM] maxwellelvis: Every… third or so, evil scheme from Doom should just involve him tweaking Reed in some way so he can rub his face in the fact that he can't retaliate. [12:35 AM] Wack'd: Over…somewhere…one Philip Masters isn't taking the news well [12:35 AM] Bocaj: Philip "Consistent" Masters [12:35 AM] Wack'd: He's concerned Alicia is throwing her life away [12:35 AM] maxwellelvis: "I sure hope Alicia doesn't use my own radioactive clay to force me to change my mind and bless her wedding. But what are the odds of that happening?" [12:37 AM] Wack'd: Mad Thinker (given name pending) has broken into Philip's apartment to suggest a teamup, but Philip has decided this is something he needs to deal with himself [12:37 AM] Wack'd: Wizard (that's his real name, he had it legally changed) has also broken into Philip's apartment to suggest same [12:41 AM] Wack'd: Philip feels a little put in a corner by this whole ordeal so he agrees to the teamup on two conditions: no harm comes to Alicia, and Johnny is only murdered after the ceremony so Alicia will be a widow and get Johnny's inheritance [12:41 AM] Bocaj: Good looking out [12:42 AM] Wack'd: I do love it when Philip's victims mimic his expressions

[12:42 AM] Bocaj: Angry Franklin [12:42 AM] maxwellelvis: I guess that is one advantage of drawing him looking like a human instead of a marionette. [12:45 AM] Wack'd: At the ceremony, Ben and Alicia have a talk. Ben apologizes to Alicia for dragging out the relationship when he wasn't feeling it and keeping Alicia from finding Johnny sooner [12:46 AM] Wack'd: They cry, they hug, and Philip--overhearing from his hidey hole--is outraged that the daughter he raised "could still feel anything for that ambulatory rock pile" [12:46 AM] Bocaj: You gotta let it go dude [12:46 AM] Bocaj: Or else you'll eventually have your hands crushed by the Hulk [12:48 AM] Wack'd: Thus commences the wedding of Jonathan Lowell Storm and Alicia Reiss Masters. Those sure are some names [12:48 AM] Wack'd: Since it sure seems like things are getting serious I got curious when exactly Alicia turns out to be a Skrull [12:49 AM] Wack'd: Answer: not for another five years [12:50 AM] Wack'd: At this point these two have been an item for a little over three [12:50 AM] Wack'd: Which means when this gets rolled back this will have been the status quo for eight years [12:50 AM] Wack'd: COMICS [12:50 AM] Bocaj: Comics! [12:51 AM] maxwellelvis: ARE! [12:51 AM] maxwellelvis: WEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRDDDDDDD! [12:51 AM] Bocaj: Sometimes, someone gets really upset about a thing not being like when they were reading and have the power to make it everyone else's problem [12:52 AM] Wack'd: I mean I didn't love this relationship or the accompanying drama either but at a certain point you really do gotta just learn to live with it [12:53 AM] Wack'd: Anyway, Philip pulls a double-cross, using a Dragon Man puppet to attack Thinker and Wizard instead of fucking up the wedding [12:53 AM] maxwellelvis: Isn't Dragon Man a robot? [12:53 AM] Wack'd: Yes [12:53 AM] Wack'd: So what [12:53 AM] Wack'd: You can make puppets of robots [12:53 AM] maxwellelvis: Doesn't mind control require a mind to control? [12:54 AM] Wack'd: shrug It's magic, they don't have to explain it [12:54 AM] Bocaj: Sweet magicy radiation [12:54 AM] Wack'd: Wizard manages to escape but Thinker gets immolated by Dragon Man's fire breath [12:54 AM] Wack'd: It's okay though because he was secretly a Thinkbot this whole time [12:55 AM] Bocaj: Yknow, comic writers, if everything turns out to be a __bot, I might stop caring [12:55 AM] Wack'd: "Why physically enter a potentially dangerous situation when I can just as easily project my consciousness into a simulacrum?" [12:55 AM] Bocaj: Fair counter [12:56 AM] Wack'd:

[12:58 AM] Wack'd: As the reception begins, a crate arrives from Latveria to the chapel [12:58 AM] Wack'd: And it's…genuinely just flowers, and best wishes from Victor Von Doom [12:59 AM] maxwellelvis: "Best wishes and good luck to the happy couple on their wedding day, most sincerely, Victor Von Doom, Ruler of Latveria. PS: Fuck you, Richards" [12:59 AM] maxwellelvis: And there's a little cartoon of Doom giving the middle finger. [01:00 AM] Bocaj: HA [01:00 AM] Wack'd: The card reads "A truce between us for as long as these flowers bloom" [01:00 AM] maxwellelvis: If only they were perennials. [01:00 AM] Wack'd: Reed is quick to point out Doom did cut the stems [01:00 AM] Bocaj: What if you froze them [01:01 AM] Wack'd: Yeah, Reed, this is your opportunity to get Doom with stupid baby word games [01:02 AM] maxwellelvis: Reed: "No, that isn't what an Honorable Man Of Science would do" [01:02 AM] Wack'd: Honor's overrated [01:03 AM] Wack'd: Anyway, congratulations to Johnny Storm [01:03 AM] Wack'd: Enjoy 58 issues of marital Skrull bliss [01:03 AM] Wack'd: Good grief [01:04 AM] maxwellelvis: yare yare daze [01:04 AM] Bocaj: What's funny is that they keep on being married after its revealed that the relationship was based on a lie [01:05 AM] Bocaj: We'll have to see you see how it plays out but that's pretty easy going [01:05 AM] Wack'd: See I knew they stayed married [01:05 AM] Wack'd: That's why I assumed the reveal happened in proximity to the wedding [01:05 AM] Wack'd: Because the longer the deception goes on the weirder that is [01:06 AM] Bocaj: There was a Tony Stark fan comic spoofing a similar thing. He slept with Black Widow, turned out to be a Skrull, he wasn’t at all perturbed [01:08 AM] Bocaj: But that’s not a mmblemmble years marriage [01:09 AM] Wack'd: It's really not

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #299

Fri Feb 4 2022 [11:31 PM] Wack'd: We open on typical Johnny/Ben prank war nonsense [11:31 PM] Bocaj: Ben must be feeling better? [11:31 PM] Wack'd: Except Johnny didn't do a prank [11:32 PM] Wack'd: He said something innocuous that Ben took as a joke at his expense [11:32 PM] Bocaj: Sooooo no [11:32 PM] Umbramatic: oh no [11:32 PM] Wack'd: We do not find out what it was just yet but the issue's called "The Best Man" so I can hazard a guess [11:33 PM] Wack'd: Ben storms out of 4 Freedoms, shoving his way through the media folks there for the grand opening, including Peter Parker, who somehow manages to move fast enough to avoid Ben's wrath [11:33 PM] Wack'd: Dunno how that Parker kid does it [11:33 PM] Umbramatic: holy shit [11:34 PM] Wack'd: Yeah Johnny sheepishly admits he asked Ben to be the best man because he thought Ben was cooling off [11:34 PM] Wack'd: Jen calls him a moron and then goes after Ben [11:35 PM] maxwellelvis: Where's that facepalm GIF? [11:36 PM] Wack'd: HEY BOCAJ THAT THING YOU KEEP MENTIONING GOT RETCONNED [11:36 PM] Bocaj: Alicia's appearance? [11:36 PM] Bocaj: And similarity to Sue? [11:36 PM] Wack'd: Ben flashes back to his first time meeting Alicia and mentions that she only looked like Sue through the magic of makeup [11:36 PM] Bocaj: Thank goodness for the magic of retroactive continuity [11:37 PM] Wack'd: Ben does mention that he felt like he was taking advantage of Alicia because of the age gap Roger Stern nooooo whyyyyyy [11:37 PM] Bocaj: Siiiiigh [11:38 PM] maxwellelvis: Boy, can you tell this comic is written by Boomers, or can you? [11:38 PM] Wack'd: Jen pulls Ben out of the bar he's sulking in and offers to take him to a different, better bar [11:39 PM] Wack'd: This feels remarkably post-9/11 for something published in 1987. What war were we in then I wonder

[11:40 PM] Umbramatic: …huh [11:41 PM] Wack'd: Johnny leaves the stage early to find Ben. And who does he run into but his old pal Spider-Man! Fancy seeing him here [11:43 PM] maxwellelvis: In 1987? That'd be the Iran-Contra Scandal. [11:44 PM] Wack'd: Ooof [11:44 PM] Wack'd: Johnny and Spidey stop on a roof and Johnny explains the series of decisions that led him here. Spidey calls him a moron and is also just plain surprised he's getting married [11:44 PM] maxwellelvis: Plus the continued CIA actions in Nicaragua and Angola [11:44 PM] Bocaj: "You're getting married? But you haven't even proposed to me, you goof" [11:45 PM] Wack'd: Johnny says he wants a small private wedding and not to let the word out but unfortunately they are like three feet away from an open window and a real snoopy resident who immediately calls the Daily Bugle tipline [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Back with Jen and Ben, Ben keeps recapping his and Alicia's relationship, saying that he felt like since he was afraid to marry her they were stuck in a rut [11:48 PM] Wack'd: And also he had intended to break things off with her when he returned to Earth! Which is true and just makes his whole sorted ordeal even more petty [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: Ben, honey, you've not seen anything yet, talking of ruts. [11:49 PM] Wack'd: Jen: "Let me get this straight…you decided to quit the F.F. because Alicia broke up with you…before you could break up with her?" [11:49 PM] Wack'd: Jen is right! This is stupid! [11:50 PM] maxwellelvis: "I may not be able to practice law in this state, but it doesn't take a lawyer to see that that's pretty fuckin' dumb, Blue-Eyes." [11:51 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Ben starts getting real deep into the monstrous self-loathing, saying he has it worse even than Bruce Banner [11:51 PM] Wack'd: And that cheeses Jen right off [11:52 PM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [11:52 PM] Wack'd: The rumble takes them through a demolition zone. The workers there are thrilled their job is being done for them and start taking bets on the outcome [11:52 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm glad Jen's sticking up for her cousin here, at least. [11:53 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the rumble cheers Ben right up, and it turns out Jen orchestrated this whole thing, right down to picking a bar near a demolition zone [11:54 PM] maxwellelvis: "No need to apologize to us, ma'am! You saved us a day's work AND I made a mint on the side!" [11:55 PM] Wack'd: A happy ending all around (until next time which will not be happy I don't think)

[11:57 PM] maxwellelvis: What happened to She-Hulk's gloves, and why are her boots red?

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #298

Fri Feb 4 2022 [11:14 PM] Wack'd: Ben, join a dating service, jeez

[11:16 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out when Reed did the thing that turned the two warlord brother guys who were fucking with our sun into one guy he reversed the suction of things out of our sun to a suction of things into out sun and that's how big muscle warlord fusion dude got here [11:17 PM] Wack'd: Reed figures since this is his fault he should go fix it [11:17 PM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [11:18 PM] Wack'd: Beefy dude has the power to absorb heat so that's Johnny done and dusted [11:18 PM] Umbramatic: oof [11:18 PM] Bocaj: Type advantages [11:19 PM] Wack'd: Ben manages to fight him to a pulp and then tries to keep kicking him because he's got some anger issues to work out, but Jen pulls him back [11:21 PM] Wack'd: Through big dude's ramblings Reed works out what happened to him and decides to split him back into two smaller, more easily managed guys and then send them back from wence they came [11:22 PM] maxwellelvis: "We don't have a 'wence we came', YOU threw it into your Sun!" [11:22 PM] Wack'd: These guys don't care [11:22 PM] Wack'd: They just wanna stop being in one body so they can pummel each other [11:22 PM] Wack'd: Everything else is whatever [11:22 PM] Bocaj: Single track mind [11:22 PM] Umbramatic: inside you there are two guys [11:23 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm just saying, if it were me, I'd make my highest priority turning Reed into my new bop bag. [11:23 PM] Wack'd: Seriously though

[11:23 PM] Bocaj: Umbra, geez! [11:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah, Umbra! [11:24 PM] Umbramatic: listen i will stop when I damn want to [11:24 PM] maxwellelvis: What are these guys fighting over, anyway? Who looks more like a Double Dragon character? [11:25 PM] Wack'd: They just hate each other [11:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Did Jaagur steal Umbra's lunch when they were boys? Did Umbra never let Jaagur be the racecar when they played Space Monopoly? [11:26 PM] maxwellelvis: "But I have to be the racecar! It's a Jaaaaaag!" [11:26 PM] Umbramatic: i would never [11:26 PM] Wack'd: So these two beating on each other while unmerging is causing a science thing. Johnny tries to stop it but gets caught in the science thing [11:27 PM] maxwellelvis: *facepalm* [11:27 PM] maxwellelvis: Can't leave him alone for two seconds [11:27 PM] Wack'd: Ben momentarily considers letting Johnny die and then realizes that they're brothers, and brothers don't let brothers die [11:27 PM] Wack'd: You see? It was a metaphor!

[11:28 PM] Wack'd: Not a bad story idea in theory but man, Umbra and Jaagar needed intros that didn't immediately cause me to roll my eyes at boring cosmic shit and also maybe be, uh, interesting on their own merits [11:28 PM] maxwellelvis: Maybe if Jaagur kept the Tick cosplay