Facts of Fiction

They say if life were like a fairy tale, it'd be perfect. If you ask me, it's the imperfections of life that makes what's real, feel real.

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Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

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Nicole Krauss, Great House

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John Boyne, Mutiny on the Bounty

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Care

Letting people love you helps everything.

They help

The feeling helps.

It even makes things seem like it can get better.

Because when you let people love you it's like something impossible.

Like you couldn't possibly believe it would happen.

So why can't other things be better?

When people care, you aren't alone.

And that makes all the difference.

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Peter Cameron, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You

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Stephen King, Night Shift

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— A. E. Housman

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Why I Will Never Do Drugs

Two people came in to work the other night.  Even coming up to the front, I could tell they were higher than the moon.  When they finally stumbled through the front door, it was hilariously terrifying the level of stupidity they were at.  They could barely focus on anything and if they ever did is still a mystery to me.

No exaggeration, they literally stared at the menu for ten minutes, slack jawed and generally looking so stoned I was wondering if they were going to just drop in front of me.  If I ever saw the exact definition of “slack-jawed and stupid” this was it.  I was almost shocked they made it through the doors without running into them. 

The girl had a dead cigarette in her hand, having almost fallen to the ground in her quest to put it out before coming inside. She almost seems to forget about it as she sways her way across the floor to look at the menu.  Again, IF she can even focus on the words.  She has shadows under her eyes, and hair so oily it looked like she hadn’t showered in a few days.  Much like Kristen Stewart right now with the recent break up and all.  Her eyes were blood shot and her mouth never actually closed the whole time she was there, I think.

The man wasn’t much better off.  He didn’t sway like she did.  Opted to mostly stand still and just stare up at the menu as if he were seeing the most spectacular light show and couldn’t possibly tear his eyes away.  For all I know, he could have been.  Either way, he never actually seemed to make complete connections in his brain.  Made me wonder how he was even able to decide what he wanted to eat.  A picky cat could think faster about what it wanted than him at the moment.

It took me probably another five to ten minutes to walk them both through their orders.  As it cooked and I put it together, I watched the girl sway and stumble around, seemingly unable to stand still while the man still stared blankly at things.  I honestly started to wonder if they even registered anyone else was still there. 

When I finally got everything put together, it took almost another five minutes for them to get out the condiments they needed and get out the door.  As they walked/stumbled/swayed to their car, I was genuinely terrified for anyone who was on the road at the same time as them. 

Moral of the story?  You don’t look cool on drugs.  Honestly.  This was living proof for me that it kills brain cells and generally embarrasses you in front of anyone you will encounter.  You look worse than Kristen Stewart in the middle of a break down, act stupider than a gold fish, and probably eat more flies in your life time than someone who can actually close their mouth.

I don’t mean to insult anyone who does drugs.  I don’t care for them.  I don’t think anyone should do them.  But if you do?  Hide your keys first.  You’ll be too stupid to remember where they are and keep everyone on the roads much safer if you can’t find them.  With reflexes as slow as the two who came in the other night, you’ll never be able to avoid anything. 

And honestly?  You might be a lot skinnier if you didn’t do drugs.  Those two ordered way more than they needed for themselves, and I know it was for themselves because they put way too much thought into what it was they actually wanted.  Honestly?  I don’t think they knew.  I think they just ordered a few different things to make sure they at least got one thing they liked.

So I will never do drugs.

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Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

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Diane Chamberlain, The Midwife’s Confession

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Idiots and Oblivious Dogs

I have a question.  An honest one.  What is so important that people seem to totally disregard the safety of themselves and others in their race to get somewhere?

I love driving.  Love it.  I love my car.  I love driving with the windows down and radio on.  I like driving around for no reason at all, though it's not something I can really do right now because of high gas prices.  But I love driving.  And honestly, it's not really that hard to make sure I check all of my mirrors, windows, and blind spots before I do something like turn or change lanes.  It really isn't.  So why is it that ever since I got my license I've been almost hit probably five times by people not checking to see if the lane next to them is clear?

I mean, honestly people!  This has happened to me a ridiculous amount of times in the past three years.  Today, it happened again and I really was just ready to let it go.  But then...   All I was trying to do was get to the store to pick up some things for work.  We ran out so they sent me out to get them.  On the way there was when the idiot almost side-scraped me.  It was on the way back where an idiot decided he was going to turn right on red.  Which is okay.  Unless I'm the one coming across the intersection in that lane and happen to be right there when they're turning! 

This person didn't even look long enough to see if I was moving.  They just started turning.  I assumed it's because their light had just turned red and they thought they had time.  But come on.  Check your lanes people.  I'd rather live to enjoy my next birthday. And I'd rather not have to repair my car.

I almost hit a dog the other day too.  Another idiot, the owner, wasn't paying attention and didn't even notice their dog was going across the street.  Naturally, I didn't expect it either and was just coming up over a hill and around the corner.  The road to my house is really twisty and hilly.  So anyway, I'm coming over the hill and I see the dog.  But then it's like in slow motion.  It takes me a second to notice it's not stopping.  Another second to start hitting the brakes.  And another to swerve out of the way while trying to not over correct and run off the road. 

The dog made it.  I'm not sure how I avoided him, honestly.  But I guess I've just gotten good at swerving away form cars when they start trying to go through me to get to my lane.  All in all, I had a heart attack and was tempted to start yelling at the owner for not paying attention to her dog with an unfenced yard and no leash.

Moral of this post?  Pay attention people.  Things happen around you that you can't control.  Check your blind spot again.  Watch your animals.  If you live in the country, watch for deer or pets trying to cross the road.  If you live in the city, pets may be a problem too but watch out for other people.  I don't know how some people even get their license. So be careful.  And drive safe.  Seat belts!!!

Just an FYI: North Carolina drivers are pretty bad.  Just saying.  So be careful when driving through.

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Lilith Saintcrow, Jealousy

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Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

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Lisa Schroeder, The Day Before

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Rachel Cohn/David Levithan, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

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Lava Lamps and Random Ramblings

Have you ever just sat and watched a lava lamp?  I bought a new one a few weeks ago.  The cheapest one.  It happened to be the smallest, but I don’t care.  I just wanted a new lava lamp.  I’ve never had a working one.  Dad’s old one in my room is just a nice blue light.  I wanted a working lava lamp.  You may say that nineteen is way too old to want a lava lamp.  But i don’t care.  It’s been one of the best idea’s I’ve had lately.

I haven’t slept in a long time.  Not technically.  I more like fall into unconsciousness.  I know it seems like there’s not much of a difference, but there is.  I wake up tired.  I go through my day tired.  I fall asleep.  But not really. Because I’m tired again in the morning.  I’ve just had trouble getting a good night’s rest.  And I don’t dream.  Of course I say that, and I had a dream the other night.  First one in forever.  I only remember one person who was in it.  It was stressful to say the least.

But back to the lava lamp.  You ever watch it?  Just sit and let it fascinate you?  That’s what I’m doing right now.  Right by my bed, I can lay down and stare at is as I try to sleep.  It’s soothing like you wouldn’t believe.  See, I don’t care how it works.  I don’t care who the genius is who thought it up.  I don’t really think about anything.  I just watch it.  And that’s what gives me the calm I need to actually fall asleep.

I think people pay way too much money for psychiatrists, massage therapists, and any other ‘ists’ to help them relax.  Or give them peace of mind.  I think the most reliable and soothing things are things that aren’t people.  Free or close to it.  Can’t sleep?  Buy a lava lamp.  Twenty dollars at most.  Will last forever.  Or maybe a CD of ocean sounds.  Live by an ocean?  Open the windows genius.  Open the windows if you live anywhere if the sound soothes you.  I have crickets. Leave the radio on a piano station as you fall asleep. Take a walk in a park.  Or in the woods if you want to be alone. Draw if you can.  Write.  Journal.  I bought five notebooks the other day for a dollar.  It’s not hard people.  Find what works for you and do it.

I went to a park last week. Had to get out of the house.  Mom was at work, sister was at practice, friend was busy.  So I just went myself.  It was a good idea.  Just pulled on my shoes and went for a hike up a creek.  Sat down for a while and listened to that amazing trickling water sound.  For a whole hour I sat there.  I took my sketch pad to keep me put.  Give me a little self control.  I sketched it out.  But I just sat there.  And breathed.  And drew.  I didn’t think.  Didn’t want to.  I just sat.

I could have hiked up the whole creek.  Done it before.  Multiple times.  But that’s not what I needed.  I just needed to sit.  And I think people just don’t have the self control for that anymore.  People are always on the move.  Always trying to find things to hold their attention.  It’s why relationships don’t last.  It’s why friendships get lost.  It’s why people find themselves without time for the simple things.  Why people get stressed out or give up trying on things.  It’s why so many people feel so alone as they tick their friends off their fingers one by one and find that only one has the time.  And then suddenly they don’t. 

Lava lamps never look the same twice.  Like a snowflake or something.  Life is that way.  Nothing happens the same way twice.  That doesn’t mean it can’t happen again.  It just doesn’t happen in the same way.  That’s a hard one to learn.  Never say it can’t get any worse either.  Because it can.  Be an optimist though.  Hope for a new way.  A better way.  Or maybe for things to change from worse to better again.  I don’t know.  I’m just awake as usual.  Rambling to the only thing I have right now.  The light of my lava lamp isn’t exactly good for trying to write in a notebook.  Tumblr is a good substitution though. 

You ever notice that?  How people don’t communicate anymore?  I mean face to face.  Not over e-mail or phone or text.  Face to face communication sucks.  If you aren’t brave enough, you always text it.  E-mail it.  I mean, c’mon!  Suck it up and dish it out in their face if it’s how it’s gonna be!  That’s why nothing works anymore.  You notice that?  Thinks get misread.  Misunderstood.  Misconstrued.  Other “Mis” words.  It doesn’t go well.  And then it goes totally wrong.  And we all wonder why.

I could keep going. Not sure if I should though.  When I get tired, my brain to fingers filter gets turned off.  I think Mondays will be my park days.  I don’t work on Mondays now when school starts.  So I think after classes I’ll go to the park.  Maybe draw.  Maybe just sit.  Maybe take my camera.  I don’t care.  I just know when school starts up and I get even less time and less sleep I’ll need something to calm my nerves during the day, not just my lava lamp at night.

I guess I’ll shut up now.  Goodnight Tumblr.  Here’s hoping to a restful sleep tonight.

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Life Lessons Learned Late

1.

The breeze blows through. The sun shines. Birds sing.  It should be                                    beautiful. Why is it that we can still be sad? Sometimes I wonder how the birds can always sing.

Children draw with colorful crayons.            Scribble without care.             Permanent doesn’t matter. Adults write with black.           Whiteout is a necessity.           Black where it shouldn’t be means mistake. Don’t you wish there was whiteout for life?

The wind says change,                     change.  The trees say stay,                    stay. Neither ever agree.

Wolves mate for life.         But before, they don’t know what they’re missing.                       Don’t you wish we were that way?              After, they mourn.                       Just like us.  It seems fitting.

2.

The sun goes behind the clouds. You can be sad now, you think.                               You wonder. What if the sun could always shine? How would we feel then?

A cat sleeps in the sun. A dog sleeps in the sun. We sleep in the dark. I cant help but wonder,                       why is that?

When the days grow long,                        it’s harder to sleep. The birds sing. The dog barks.  The cat sleeps.  It can always sleep. Have you ever envied a cat?

The cat stretches. Shifts over.  It moved with the sun. Like a sunflower.  Curious,                             Isn’t it?

3.

A dog looks at you guiltily             when it’s done something wrong. But it forgets soon after. Our guilt lingers.              For a very long time. Don’t you wish you could forget? But then,             without guilt,                                     where’s our humanity?

The wind says change,                         change. The trees say stay,                         stay. But leaves fall to the ground.             So there is change, isn’t there?

When we fall, is there not change? Can change ever be good? Leaves never rise back to the tree. I guess that’s what makes us special. So why is it,             that some of us never return?

The leaves are forced from their safe place. We can always return to ours. But I guess it’s hard to go back. Like the leaves are blown away,             We keep traveling farther. When will we learn to return?