im glad i lived thru my 20s bc it means i have gotten to watch my friends mature and evolve and come into themselves and just like. level up in general, its nice
specifically re: gender, it seems like. online there is a lot of fretting about how one's presentation will be received, whether it will seem authentic, whether people will read you the way you want to be read, etc etc and i get that and i empathize w the fear but i also wish that i could go back in time and tell everyone i have met who fretted about those things that like.
everyone matures, right, everything that seems strange today will be so normal its unworthy of notice someday, and its probably much sooner than you expect it to be. some of the things you are afraid of attempting today, you eventually may attempt anyway, and keep attempting it, and it will become so ingrained that the way people receive it will be more of their responsibility than yours. every new frontier you explore will one day become a well-worn path, one that's familiar to both you and the people around you, ykwim???
like idk i think everyone i've known who has worried about Seeming Queer Enough has eventually reached a point-- at least to my eye-- where their own manifestation of queerness is not only Visible, but obvious and unquestionable. and its not bc they adapted to some external standard of What Visible Queerness Looks Like, they just lived their own version of queerness until it became worn and familiar and shaped-to-their-form, like an old sweater. experience gave them the confidence and familiarity to express themselves in a way that is effortless and natural and obviously recognizable, at least to people who are (or have become!) tuned to understanding their particular nuances
i'm sure it's not universal but ime, in general, those kinds of insecurities come from inexperience more than anything, and there is a confidence that comes from practice & habit that you will eventually find just by... continuing to be alive and be you and exist in public, continuing to explore and do whatever it is that gives you joy, and at least a little bit by finding the people who simply like who you already are.
idk i hope that's a hopeful thought for someone???? idk lol the people who are paying attention will not misread you forever, and even people who are not ~up on the lingo~ or informed of your Whole Situation will still get used to your shit, bc-- wave of virulent transphobic US politics notwithstanding-- in general, people are decent and want to get along with each other. if they are fundamentally decent and kind they will Get Used To any trivial weirdness you throw at them, and a lot of things that seem like a huge deal when they're new and raw are actually trivial with enough time to get used to them. if normalization is a thing that can (and, ime, often & inevitably does) happen on an individual level, if virisimilitude is inevitable, then maybe the ppl who don't get with the program over time are their own problem & not yours, ykwim??