( * &. SHIT MY COWORKERS HAVE SAID / SENTENCE STARTERS .
‘ and i’m done. adios, bitches! ’
‘ be nice or i’ll push you off the ladder. ’
‘ butterflies are not your friend. ’
‘ did you also know that bad people do bad things sometimes? ’
‘ did you know that sometimes vin diesel can come into your work and shoot up the place with a machine gun? ’
‘ did you seriously just leave to go look at a bug outside? ’
‘ dinosaurs and penguins are the same thing, right? ’
‘ don’t come in the bathroom, i’m currently dying. ’
‘ i didn’t find my courage, but i found john winchester faster than sam and dean did so that’s an accomplishment. ’
‘ i didn’t push you, you willingly went in! ’
‘ i don’t like it when someone comes in the bathroom when i’m pooping and poop bombs me. ’
‘ i fucking suck at math. you should know this by now. ’
‘ i had a dream i was gay and it was great so i bought this rainbow lighter this morning. ’
‘ i left my brain at home today. ’
‘ i threw away your banana and i’m stealing your donut. ’
‘ if i die eating this vending machine breakfast burrito just know that i think you’re awesome and i will miss you. ’
‘ in here, your imagination’s your best friend. ’
‘ is this how the world ends? rainfall? ouch. ’
‘ it’s that good 2006 emo shit. ’
‘ i’m always heavily, heavily medicated. ’
‘ i’m currently having the time of my damn life if you must know. ’
‘ i’m cute as fuck, but i’m dumber than rocks. ’
‘ i’m not a fucking baby so stop saying i am! ’
‘ i’m pissed off because she got pissed at me for no reason. ’
‘ i’m running behind. my plant got decapitated when i was cooking breakfast. ’
‘ i’m scared of heights and i want to die. ’
‘ i’m watching tv, everybody shut up! ’
‘ i’ve almost died about twenty times total today. ’
‘ i’ve almost had 39 heart attacks today alone. ’
‘ let’s get emo up in this bitch. ’
‘ mad at me? i didn’t fucking do anything. ’
‘ now i’ve had the time of my life and i owe it all to… this dumb ass job that’s gotta get done. ’
‘ oh great, i’ll die knowing that the worst worker here loves me. ’
‘ oh yay… there’s a video… ’
‘ okay, so you need to be in a bubble today. ’
‘ she has an octopus tattoo on her asshole and i think that’s beautiful. ’
‘ she saved my life. i thought there was a spider on my back and she was gonna move it, but it was actually just my hair. she’s a life saver. ’
‘ she thinks i should be scared of her? i’m not scared of anybody. it’s me they should be scared of. ’
‘ shove a cigarette in there for the wasps to smoke while they die. ’
‘ shut the fuck up, you’re always cold. ’
‘ shut up, i’m making dinosaurs! ’
‘ someone’s gotta be thrown under the bus and it’s not gonna be me. ’
‘ someone’s having a hissy fit! ’
‘ stop stealing my fucking chair! ’
‘ stop trying to hold my hand, i need to poop! ’
‘ there are no rules in this place. ’
‘ there’s no smiling allowed here. ’
‘ this is actually the day from hell. ’
‘ this is lawless land. ’
‘ those noises were coming from you?! ’
‘ until you get past the first three months, you’re just another cute face to me. ’
‘ we don’t associate with people named linda. it’s just a rule. ’
‘ we don’t even know how to function now. ’
‘ welcome to the island of misfits. ’
‘ well, i woke up wanting to cry and now i’m here. how’s your day? ’
‘ what do you need? you’re interrupting my serial killer podcast! ’
‘ what, you’re not having fun? ’
‘ what. the. actual. fuck. ’
‘ when you leave, your cat’s just sluttin’ it up with other people. she probably has a tinder and everything. ’
‘ you didn’t hire me to be good at math. ’
‘ you guys, this is a great day. ’
‘ you pushed me into a box and tried to kill me! ’
‘ you’re gay too? you’re gonna fit in great here. ’
‘ you’re gonna die and i’ll laugh when it happens. ’
‘ you’re gonna wear jeans? look at you getting fancy! ’
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