and such

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[staaaaarberry]

Squid 🦑💧 Riso Printed with fluorescent pink and seafoam

[official-cephaloposts]

official cephalopod post

[whimsy-flags]

Pride Squid Emojis! Enjoy~

[official-cephaloposts]

official cephalopod post

[ketrinadrawsalot]

What if the house wasn't haunted but weird stuff keeps happening?

[official-cephaloposts]

official cephalopod post

[i-am-a-fish]

every time you make art of any kind, a stat that is not visible to the player goes up. also, this is the most important stat in the game

[ledogeishere]

does singing in the shower count as art

[i-am-a-fish]

does a strong as fuck ice mummy have ice powers

[beardedmrbean]

[dracula1992soundtrack]

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

[redfagdiver]

It took 36 years for someone to make this joke and by god it was worth the wait

[m0ose-idiot]

I love this so much! Also it triggered a memory and I spent far longer than I want to admit trying to find this 2002(ish) pic from Aussie cartoonist Judy Horacek

[anosci]

i love this!

i did a bit of digging and found that some bloke named Simon Brooke used the OP's joke as his email signature at least as early as March 14th, 1995 according to this quoted text. it takes a while to find a preserved copy of something Simon said but here's an example from mid-96:

[redfagdiver]

My bad

[chapeldean]

i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

[chapeldean]

[notavalidblognamebut]

This thread under the post is the funniest thing I've seen today

[enki2]

[hylianengineer]

@copperbadge this seems up your alley

[copperbadge]

If the system ain't broke, don't fix it, I guess! Accounting may not be the oldest profession, but someone had to keep the books for them.

I mean, in theory I know that Excel is based on the structure of earlier accounting technology that's been around for hundreds of years -- what do we think we did to track commerce before computers? -- but it still kind of blows my mind to, for example, look at my ancestor's journal from a whaling voyage in 1770 and see spreadsheets in the back.

[charaznablespeteevee]

[valtsv]

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

[valtsv]

if you could see the thread i'm hanging on by you would not say these things to me

[guerrillatech]

[utah-mountain-drifter-deactivat]

[poorghost]

no one follows the trees warning

[rapidashrider]

You know the parable about how the foolish man built his house upon sand and the wise man built his house upon rock and it’s always about having a sturdy foundation well there is also the fact of location which is that the sand probably used to be rock except it’s been eroded to sediment because it’s a FUCKING FLOODPLAIN

[whereserpentswalk]

flood Plain perfec t size for put town in to b\uild! inside very Soft and Comfort town safe happy put town in Floodplain. Put Town In Floodplain. no problems ever in flloodplain because good Shape and Support for town roads weak of big town citizens. Afloodplain yes a place for a town put town in floodplain can trust floodplain for giveing good place for town. friend flood

[edgebug]

so grace is probably alarming to most eridians at first because he's a lanky wet alien with too few limbs, yes--but what if he ends up being terrifying in a sort of divine way instead of a repulsive one?

like. a creature that perceives the intangible? a creature that walks with thin permeable membranes bared to the air, whose blood contains elixir that can destroy pathogens without heat? a creature that is impossibly fragile yet resilient? a creature that breathes potently flammable gas to survive? a creature that is loud all over and speaks in a strange and frightening monotone, who thought it would die for you? who gave up its home in the heavens for you without meeting you first, whose first words to your people were probably something along the lines of We saved your star. It's gonna be okay. Don't be afraid.

[chekhovs-raygun]

grace is such an interesting bundle of contradictions! he breathes an incredibly flammable gas because he lives at such a cold temperature the gas can't ignite except he burns it very slowly inside the delicate gauzy cage of his body. his meat is basically a delicate water-and-protein foam because he lives in a very tiny fraction of normal atmospheric pressure. his planet has almost no air, no atmosphere. they're so gauzy, so frail, living underneath a whisker-fine sky, that to get to space in a couple seconds by exploding towards it. they can't build a space elevator because all their materials are just various attempts to do anything whatsoever with shitty frozen metals and various hydrocarbon meshes. their spaceship is a tiny refrigerator, the most expensive thing they ever built, and controled by a impossibly complex calculation engine they knitted out of silicates. it contains all human knowledge, if it doesn't catch on fire.

they knew that space was there because they can perceive it directly. it's literally right overhead all the time for their entire evolution. they know the faces of thousands, millions of stars, as soon as they tip their faces up. eridani is a name from two thousand years ago. all their stars have been named and known and watched and sung about for longer than any individual human civilization. they have always known the eridian star was there.

they live to be seventy.

[eradacted]

It may not be that deep, but I have a shovel and I will make it as deep as I want.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

High key what House of Leaves is meta about

[eradacted]

I know not what House of Leaves is but I wholeheartedly trust your comparison and I shall take it as fact!

[asteroidtroglodyte]

House of Leaves is a book about a man trying to explore the inside of his new home, which proves substantially more difficult than should be possible, due to its non-Euclidean dimensions.

Except that House of Leaves is actually about a documentary about a man trying to explore the inside of his new home, which proves impossible to document properly, due to its non-Euclidean dimensions.

Except that House of Leaves is actually about an academic paper, which itself is about an alleged documentary about an alleged non-Euclidean home, but none of this can be verified.

Except that House of Leaves is just, like, this fucking stack of papers I found in this old dead guy’s apartment, and, like, I don’t even know if its his or what because like both his eyes were gone and he didn’t have any degrees or anything. I tried asking my friend from the tattoo shop about it but she was fixing up this thumper tattoo right above a girl’s pussy the whole time we were talking; like Thumper from Bambi, and I’m not gonna lie man I was pretty distracted and I just couldn’t [XXXXS XXXX XXXX. XXXX XXXX XXX X XXX XX XXXXXXX XXXXXX XX XXXX XX XXXXXX XXXX XXX]^*

———

* Editor’s Note: House of Leaves is a metatextual examination of the ability for a minor inconsistency in measurement, which might have been ignored by a normal person, to cause an all-consuming obsession spiral in the sort of person who is academically trained, obsessed with documentation, or overtly pedantic, and-

“Johnny, please, I’m your Mother; I know I have a lot to apologize for but I can’t, not unless you return my letters; are you even getting my letters? I send one every week you know, but I think that nurse keeps them from you, keeps you from getting my letters, because I know, I know my sweet Johnny would never leave his poor old mother rotting away by herself in this horrible drafty ward if he was getting his mother’s letters, would you, sweet boy? I know she’s stealing my letters from you, she’s always touching my things, even though they haven’t moved I know she’s touching them I know she keeps you from me I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know [there’s a limit to what you can know. Some folks bump up against that limit and bounce right off and keep swimming, and some folks, well. Some folks SPLAT]I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know [they just gotta keep digging away at it. Even when it’s not that deep, they just… grab a shovel and keep digging. Lord knows what motivates them. A kind of Madness I suppose. Some folks find GOD in that madness. Not much of a believer myself]I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know

I know

I know

I know

I know

I know you’ll visit me for Mother’s Day, won’t you?

🧿

*Editor’s Note: he did not

[thisislifebutthisisntliving]

This is my favorite tumblr post of all time

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

[smoothjazzdigit]

Have you guys seen that clip

Go off Kermit

[juliathefacesofevil]

we're just normal men

[oddjoblin]

Why the heck is this dude trying to confirm if the frog puppet is hetrosexual???

[karnalesbian]

assessing the situation before he shoots his shot

[defilerwyrm]

Happy Pride to Kermit the Frog, questioning king

[ostdrossel]

The first babies have fledged! And this House Finch baby that came with Dad tonight cracked me up. It looks like the kid that decided to sit at the adult table but isn't quite sure what's happening and pretty much ready for bed 😆❤️

[evilvillain123456789]

step one: replace entire personality with open, festering wound

step two: contort absolutely all stimuli in my environment to relate to the my wound in some manner, ideally one which justifies random acts of unbridled aggression and vengeance

step three: marry a girl with generational wealth

[prokopetz]

Look, I get what you're saying, but sometimes you've gotta reach for the low-hanging fruit. Let's get you a proper meal, refill your meds, and unfuck your living space as best we're able; if after that you still want cute girls to kill you with axes, you'll be in a much better physical and mental place to pursue that goal.

[the-zenith-calls]

My favorite scenes in the LotR books are the ones where Legolas has vital information and just decides it's not important to share.

Like when Gandalf spent literal PAGES trying to figure out why the vibes were off in Moria and Legolas chimes in with just "it's a balrog :) that shit's evil :) we're so fucked :)" like what do you MEAN you knew already and just didn't tell him??

Or at the beginning of Two Towers when Aragorn thinks there's something nearby so he puts his ear to the ground to listen, and then like 10 minutes later is like "hmmm i hear horses" and Legolas is just like "mm yep. there are 105 blond bitches with spears" like you just let your friend put his face in the dirt and you can SEE them??

Legolas please gain a sense of urgency

[knives-in-the-dishwater]

It's because legolas hasn't spent enough time with non-elves to remember that they don't know what he knows.

gandalf is scratching his head in moria, and legolas is thinking "oh man, the wizard noticed something off *besides* the obvious balrog that we all are aware of??"

"I wonder what aragorn is listening for? must be hard to hear, what with all of the horses. How many horses are there, actually? 1... 2... 3..."

[taavicleric]

"What do your elvish eyes see?" is Aragorn saying, as politely as possible, "Because the REST OF US are at a significant disadvantage, Prince Dipshit."