to be deleted

[fakechisnothere-blog]

After anxiety and long deliberation with my friends...I’ve decided to delete this blog, and allow me to tell you all why. This blog has received hate from multiple sources. Telling me I do not belong here, that there are plenty better than me, and if it was just that alone, I’d still be here. But instead, someone abandoned me for someone else who rped the same character. 

I was plotting slow, and having someone show up who ships right off the bat and...other things, making a ship tag, declaring my partner as their main, making promos and the like. It made me feel like I was being forced out. 

When said partner stopped talking to me entirely, I realized I had been. Being completely replaced...really hurts. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I blacklisted them and my friend because my anxiety grew each time I saw them on the dash and...I realized I’m a bad person for being petty and jealous. 

I’m a selfish person, I know that. But...I’ve been replaced before, and the pain is still mind numbing. It’s painful knowing I’m getting used to this, but exhausted as I am from stress, and anxiety I...

Don’t think I can stay here. 

I love everyone who interacted with me, even if it did hurt in the end. I may return someday!! I don’t know, but for now?

For the person who forced me out, you won. 

@fuseii

You won. One less Akechi around to trigger you. I...hope you have a wonderful future.

[fakechisnothere-blog]

For the past couple weeks I’ve been dealing with a growing anxiety, and came so close to deleting my blog more than once. I know I said I don’t mind duplicates, but looking at how many blogs are around, sometimes I feel like I should leave, so people won’t have to worry over picking someone to write with over another. That somehow, I’m in the way. 

I’m not intending to leave, not yet, anyhow, but...I might drop my threads and start over because my anxiety is making it hard to write anything at all. It’s so frustrating, wanting to write, but when you start on a reply, you just freeze up. 

I just don’t want to disappoint anyone, that’s all. I just hope this feeling passes. If it doesn’t, I’m...sorry for letting you all down.