Incorrect Great Comet Quotes

the great comet came in 1811 idk what to tell you | submit is [OPEN] | please include sources with submissions

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Marya: Anatole, can I ask you a question?

Anatole: Sure.

Marya: Why don't you go back to your own house, and LEAVE US ALONE?

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Marya: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house. Sonya, sitting in front of a mirror with Natasha and a candle: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Helene: I am begging you to go to the doctor.

Dolokhov: I'm sorry, is this OUR gunshot wound?

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Anatole: Pierre, I screwed up, big time. Pierre: Anatole, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Helene: I like your top, Dolokhov! Anatole: I have a name, you know. Dolokhov: *sighs* Why. Why are you like this.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Helene: Pierre is not a morning person. Or a night person. There’s really only about seven minutes a day you are fun to be around.

Pierre: The best part is you never know when they’re coming.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Anatole: I mean, that’s- honestly, I think once we get outta here, I’m gonna rob a bank. If I can get through all of this, I can rob a bank without getting caught.

Helene: Oh, I’ll help you!

Anatole: Yeah, let’s rob a fuckin bank after this, that’d be-

Dolokhov: Let’s rob a fucking bank!

Helene: Oh, I’ve always wanted to rob someone!

Anatole: I love this plan. Pierre, Pierre, that’s a little bit outta your moral scope, would you rob a bank? If you won’t, I won’t- we won’t force you.

- later -

Anatole: You still didn’t give me your word, do you wanna rob the bank? Cause like, I wanna start talking about plans.

Pierre: ...No, that’s a crime.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Natasha: I’m eighteen years old! Do you think ANYTHING my body does is voluntary?!

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Pierre: I’m sorry I- I have to do everything out of order I’m blind as a bat and I hate everything.

Natasha: But I mean, at least you’re not Anatole.

[irreplaceable-ecstasyy]

Text credits: @fakegreatcometquotes & @give-this-ace-space

Sonya & Natasha meets the Office. :)

[fakegreatcometquotes]

oh my GOODNESS. this is wonderful.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Sonya: They’d never get past me! I’m known far and wide as the “Sleeping Sorceress”.

Marya: Wow! What a terrible name for a guard.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

I have updated my list of people I trust and things I believe to no one and nothing!

Pierre Bezukhov

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Pierre: Bad News - Sonya locked her keys inside the house.

Pierre: Good News - We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Pierre: Bad News - Sonya finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress hot people.

Pierre: Good News - A hot girl saw me do it.

Pierre: Bad News - It was Natasha, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Marya: I just got a new notebook, what should I put in it?

Natasha: Put spaghetti in it.

Marya: I am taking suggestions from anyone else.

Sonya: Put spaghetti in it.

Marya: I am taking suggestions from anyone except you two.

Pierre: Put spaghetti in it.

Marya: I am no longer taking suggestions.

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Helene: I have Spotify, open right now on my computer. Do you want me to blast you? Do you want me to put you on blast? ‘Cause I’ve got your history right here in the sidebar.

Helene: “Take It Back” by Jimmy Buffett, “Nautical Wheelers” by Jimmy Buffett, “Jolly Mon Sing” by Jimmy Buffett,

Helene, angrier: “Steamer” by JimMY BUFFETT! “TREAT HER LIKE A LADY, BY JIMMY BUFFETT! “MANANA” BY JUMMY BUFFETT! “When Salome Plays The Drums” by James Buffett, “HAVANA Daydreaming” by Jimmy Buffett!

Helene: What the FUCK happened to you?!

Anatole: I had a case of the Mondays-

Helene: Are you haunted? Are you FUCKING POSSESSED?! You used to be my BROTHER!

Anatole: I had a case of the Mondays!

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Marya: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you’ll be in big trouble.


Sonya: Heck.


Marya: You’re on thin fucking ice.


Marya: …oh no

[fakegreatcometquotes]

Anatole: Look what you’ve done to my peonies!

Natasha: They’re MARIGOLDS!

Dolokhov: Good god, I think she’s right! They ARE marigolds!

Anatole: I may not know my flowers...but I knoW A BITCH WHEN I SEE ONE!