Raziel and Cole Wagner

Fallen Angel and Host | 33

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

leklonthecurious:

“Yes. It felt like - I don’t know exactly to describe it. It was like someone shoved an iron bar through me and pinned me to the floor with it, and then I bled to death. Which is what happened. I thought about the things I wished I’d done. And that I was glad that I’d sent Diederich away, because he might have been stabbed instead. And how much I like Brucey’s fur and the ocean, and that I wished I’d been better, so I hadn’t failed my mission.” She leaned against Raziel. 

Raz looked horrified and distressed when she described what happened. “Leklon...” He tightened his arms around her. There didn’t seem to be anything else to say given her horrific experience. “What do you mean better? What mission did you fail? And even if you did fail, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault since you got stabbed.” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

samsonfisks:

Samson chuckled, pulling out a lighter, and holding it out for the other man. “Yeah, of course, no problem. What was your name?”

“Yeah, I think it definitely does. I try to help, with that.”

He took the lighter with a nod of thanks. “Raziel. And yours?” He flicked the lighter a few times before he got a flame going and lit the end of the cigarette before he let the flame die out. He took a deep breath in of the smoke, as he’d seen everyone in the movies do, and then felt like he couldn’t breathe and fell into a coughing fit. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth before he did so he wouldn’t waste it but it took him a minute or two to recover. “That...feels like being suffocated, wow.” He hadn’t expected it to be like that. 

“At least there are two of us trying it, then. Maybe we can do it together.” He smiled a little, suppressing a few more coughs and thumping on his chest lightly. 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

krzysztofandrzejewski:

“I was,” Chris insisted. At this point, he’d convinced himself so thoroughly that everything had been fine, that there’d been nothing wrong with how he was living, that it wasn’t even a lie. He really believed it. “Spike probably would have done this no matter what. He hates me, you know.” He figured that had to be true. No one would do to someone the things that Spike had done to him unless they hated them, right? And Chris could handle that just fine, if he’d actually done anything to deserve it. Spike had been a dick to him right from the get go, had thrown him in the trunk of a fucking car right after meeting him. “I don’t guess you’d take me to the bar, huh?” His voice was a little hopeful, but he figured he probably knew the answer. Raziel wasn’t going to do shit for Chris unless it was something Spike was cool with, and what Spike was cool with was pretty much limited to rotting in the attic and dying of boredom. He followed Raziel down the stairs, trying not to get pathetically excited at the idea of leaving the house. “He doesn’t trust me,” Chris pointed out, too afraid to hope that Spike would really be cool with him out and walking around. “Like, at all. He probably assumes I’ll get right back to heroin.” Of course, at the moment, that sort of was his plan. That might change, once the pain of withdrawal was over, but Chris didn’t think it would. Staying sober after the Departure, when the world had been normal, was hard enough. Doing it now that things had gone to shit didn’t really sound like something he wanted. Glancing over, he eyed Raziel cautiously. He had no intention of getting tied up again; he figured his best chance of getting out now was gaining Spike’s trust. “I won’t,” he said. “I’m not an idiot, you know. I’m not looking to get tased or chained up again.”

Raz sighed. Well, at least Chris believed what he was saying, but Raz didn’t think that made it the truth. He frowned a little and looked at Chris when he mentioned Spike hating him. “He doesn’t hate you. You drive him crazy, sure, but if he hated you your life would be a lot more miserable and/or you wouldn’t have a life at all.” Raz was certain of that much, considering Spike’s temper. Sure, he railed about Chris, but at the end of it all he was doing all this to help him. Spike’s brand of helping was just tough to understand sometimes. Chris asked about the bar and Raz considered it. “I don’t see why not. Drugs are off limits but you could probably have a drink or two.” Raz was confident that he’d be able to handle Chris no matter what he got into so didn’t see the problem with taking him to a bar. Maybe they could go to the Broken Stool and see if Jorge was working. “You’re an addict.” Raz answered, simply, when Chris claimed that Spike didn’t trust him. That seemed pretty self explanatory to Raz. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Chris. “Is he wrong?” Raz had a feeling he wasn’t, at least not right now. The fallen angel nodded when Chris said he wouldn’t try to run away. “I wouldn’t tase you, but that’s good. Do you like the Broken Stool? I know the bartender.” He started walking in that direction, still sipping the latte, figuring they could change routes if Chris wanted to go somewhere else. 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

Much Needed Comfort | Raziel and Alli

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

missgordon2you:

Alli hadn’t been expecting anyone over and so she’d decided to let herself lose herself in her pain for a moment or two. And the next thing she knew it was three hours later, her head ached, her eyes were dry and itchy, and there was someone knocking at her door. “Sugar…” she swore to herself, getting up and patting Brucey’s head as she passed him on the way to the door. 

She cleared her throat lightly as she answered with an apologetic smile. She was sure she looked like a complete wreck. Diablo was lying in front of the door as if waiting for Dante to come home and her heart broke as she watched him walk away after realizing it wasn’t Dante. 

“Hey, Raz,” she greeted, scrunching his dog behind the ears before stepping aside to let them both in. “Sorry I’m not uh… you know… great right now.” Diablo curled up next to the door again as soon as it was shut and she leaned down to press a kiss to the dog’s head. “Um… this is Diablo. He was um… Dante’s dog.”

Alli looked bad when she answered the door, like she’d been crying or in some sort of unspeakable pain. Cole had looked kind of like that when Raz had found him and the fallen angel’s heart went out to her. He noticed the dog that got up when she opened the door, not remembering that she had a dog but not upset by it or anything. 

“Hi, Alli.” He said, smiling kindly. “That’s okay. That’s why I thought I’d come over, actually.” He held up the gift basket. “I brought chocolate, tea, and muffins. I hope those were the right things to bring.” He walked in, Sirius trotting in beside him and moving over to sniff at the other dog - Diablo - tail wagging once the door was closed. “Hello, Diablo.” Raz greeted the dog. He didn’t have a free hand to pet him with but he would once one became available. His expression turned even more sympathetic when she mentioned that it was Dante’s dog. “Oh. Well, it’s good he has you to look after him. This is Sirius.” He motioned to the dog he had on the leash, dropping it and unclipping the leash now. “I hope Brucey doesn’t mind that I brought him.” Considering Diablo was there, he doubted it but he thought he might as well say it. 

Now that he had a hand free, he reached down and petted Diablo’s head before he turned to Alli and pulled her into a tight hug. “How’re you doing?” He asked, quietly. He hoped it wasn’t a silly question, considering, but it seemed only nice to ask. 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

jorgeatthebar:

Jorge led Raz inside, his hand on the taller man’s back as they headed to his bedroom. He toed off his shoes and slid in beside Raz, pulling the man to him so he could keep running his fingers through his hair, hopefully comforting him. “Raz…” he said, taking a slow breath in and out. “You’re- You were a soldier, right? My mama always said angels were like God’s warriors. And sometimes… Soldiers do things they aren’t proud of. Sometimes we do things that give us nightmares for the rest of our lives. And it ain’t weak to ask for help with dealing with that, alright?” He dipped his head and pressed a kiss to Raz’s temple. “Listen… I go to this… it’s like a veteran’s support group. It helps. Or it does for me, at least. I think… maybe give it a shot? I’ll go with you. I bet Sam would, too. Or if you’d rather go on your own, that’s okay too, but we’ve got your back.”

Jorge took him into the house and Raz followed quietly, putting his arm around the other man’s shoulders. He got his shoes off like Jorge did, since it seemed only polite, then settled in bed beside him, cuddling against him. Jorge’s breathing changed a little and Raz tilted his head up to look at him, wondering what he was going to say. He stayed quiet as Jorge made his offer, warmed and touched by it and closing his eyes briefly at the kiss to his temple. “Some are more soldiers than others but we all serve in some way.” He told him, quietly. “Okay. I’ll give it a try, if you think it’ll help.” He paused. “I think...I’d like you to come with me.” He lifted his head and kissed Jorge, gently. “Thank you.” He tucked his face against Jorge’s neck, arms around him, still unsure about his feelings about these things but lying like this with Jorge helped. “You know, you’ve made this whole human experience even better than I ever hoped it could be.” Raz said, after a moment, wanting to express how grateful he was to Jorge, Sam and Spike, too, for everything they did and made him feel. “I don’t think it would be half as good without you.” 

[samuelvalk-blog]

first impression || raziel and sam

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

samuelvalk:

Sam grinned as he watched the exchange between Sammy and Raziel, chuckling subtly into his hand at the fast string of questions his son shot at the angel. 

Sammy nodded as Raziel answered his questions, looking very serious and leaning forward in interest to Raz’s answers. He was a pretty intense kid, and part of Sam wondered if that was because of his own Departure five years previously. He had been too young to really express much of a personality before Sam disappeared. Maybe growing up without a father was what had made Sammy so serious.

As Raziel turned his own questions on Sammy, a grin spread across the boy’s face. “All kids are littler than grown ups!” he exclaimed excitedly, apparently thrilled at being asked some questions himself for a change. “My mama always says I’m big for how old I am. Did you know my mama? She’s gone now, but she’ll come back someday, like daddy.” It broke Sam’s heart a little, how certain his son sounded. He wasn’t sure he believed it himself. He didn’t know why he’d come back from the Departure when others hadn’t; some days, it felt like being one of the only survivors of the IED that killed most of his and Jorge’s unit all over again, right down to coming back with pieces missing. 

Unaware of his father’s thoughts, Sammy continued without so much as a pause for breath. “I like Ninja Turtles. I used to like Thomas the Train, but that’s for babies, so I don’t like it anymore ‘cause I’m not a baby. Were you ever a baby? What do angel babies look like? How come you and Spike talk different if you’re both from Heaven? Are you friends with lots of angels? Are there lots of them here? Do they all know my dad?” He looked over at Sam at this, as if the thought was just occurring to him. 

Sammy confirmed that all children were smaller than grownups, which is something Raz had noticed over the years, but he nodded anyway. He sobered a little when Sammy mentioned his mother, glancing at Sam sympathetically and wishing he could take his hand but not sure if that’s something he should do in front of Sammy. “No, I didn’t know your mother, but I’m sure she was lovely.” He didn’t know what to say about her coming back some day so he didn’t say anything about it. The fallen angel hoped that, for Sammy’s sake, it was true. It would be a shame for that belief to be broken. No one understood the Departure, not even the angels, really, so anything seemed possible. 

Raz turned his attention to Sammy when he started answering his questions again. “Are the turtles you mentioned the ones on your pajamas?” He stored the information that Thomas the Train was for babies and wondered if he could look up what that was or ask someone later since he’d never heard of it before. Then, of course, Sammy had more of his own questions but Raz was happy to answer them. 

“If I was ever a baby, I don’t remember it. I don’t think there are angel babies, I think God made us the way we are. Infancy doesn’t seem very practical for angels. We talk differently because we’re different people, just like I’m sure you don’t sound exactly the same as all your friends. I used to be friends with many angels but I don’t think most of them will be friends with me anymore considering I chose to leave Heaven. There are some angels here, yes, I’m not sure I’d say yes and no, I don’t think they all know your dad.” He looked over at Sam again fondly, with a bit of a smile. 

“What is it about these Ninja Turtles that you like? Is it as exciting for you to learn new things as it is for me? The way I understand it, children are always learning new things and I, personally, think it’s very exciting when I learn anything new. Can you feel yourself growing or is it so gradual a change that you don’t notice it?” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

leklonthecurious:

Leklon hugged him and snuggled against him. Her new breasts got in the way a lot more now. She had to adjust her hug method. She was also taller. It was confusing. “I’m not afraid exactly. Maybe I am. Mostly I just don’t want to die again. At least not so painfully. Thank you. I know. But I was alone for a long time. It made me think. Mostly about dying, admittedly, but other things too.”

“It’s okay to be afraid. It was very painful? I’m so sorry. Even if you were alone then, you’re not alone now. We’re all here for you. What other things did you think about?” Raz figured getting her talking it out would probably be the best way to help her through this, holding onto her and stroking his fingers through her hair like Jorge had done for him when he’d been upset. He hoped it helped comfort her like it had him. 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

samsonfisks:

“For sure.” Samson reached for his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and handing it to the other man.

“Well, aren’t you sweet.”

“Thanks.” Raz pulled a cigarette out of the pack. He’d seen this in movies a lot, he figured he could figure it out. He put it between his lips and then remembered they needed to be lit. “Could I get a light too?” He asked, smiling slightly as the cigarette bobbed between his lips as he talked.

“I do try. Seems like the world needs it right now.” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

samsonfisks:

“Not really, but I’m very good at justifying fucking up my body.”

“You really know your stuff, then.”

“Why’s that? I don’t think I need to justify it but can I try one?” 

“I do know a lot of things, though I’ve recently been learning a lot more. Another thing I know is that you have a beautiful smile.” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

drtandon:

“That’s the million dollar question, I think. Everyone has different methods for coping, and I don’t think that any way is necessarily more right than any other. It’s just… whatever helps you get through it. Provided it’s healthy and doesn’t involve hurting anyone, of course.”

“What kinds of methods? Can you give me examples? I’m not sure what would help me right now. Oh no, I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I’m just not sure what to actually do.” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

leklonthecurious:

“I died. It was my fault. I got careless. At least, I think I was dead. Maybe I was only mostly dead. Either way, Brand rebuilt me. But now I’m different and I remember dying. It was - I didn’t like it. But it also felt final. And now I’m alive again and I’m afraid and I just wish I had my old body back.”

“You died? Oh no, Leklon...” He moved closer and pulled her into a hug. It seemed like she needed one. “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like. You don’t have to be afraid, okay? I know this is all new and different and scary, but I’ll help you. And you’ve got Letha and Diederich and Brand to help too, right?” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

samsonfisks:

“Yeah, it really is.. Cool. Do you smoke?” Samson laughed. “Yeah, it’s ‘cause I’m a star.”

“No. Well I mean, I’ve never tried it. It’s not supposed to be good for the body.” Raz smiled widely at the other man’s laugh. “Really? You definitely look like one.” He figured his flirting was getting better but then he’d had three people to practice on recently. 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

leklonthecurious:

“I don’t feel like me anymore.”

“You don’t look like you, either. What happened?” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

samsonfisks:

“Sorry, you probably came out here to get fresh air or something..”

“Well, sort of. It is very close and packed in there and it’s easier to breathe out here. Still, it’s exhilarating in there. I don’t mind if you smoke, if that’s what you meant. Wow, you sparkle in the moonlight, did you know that?” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

diederich-pawlitzki:

“I think they messed up.”

“Why’s that? Because of your memory? Maybe whoever it was just...didn’t know exactly what they were doing. But you seem mostly functional so hopefully it’s not all bad, even if you are kind of jumbled?” 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

guardianspike:

Spike snorted. “Who’ve you been talking to, then?” He suspected Krzysztof, but then, he usually did. “You’ll catch up quick. You’re clever.” He grinned about him and Jorge and Sam making it good. It was probably a bit weird, them all sort of bed-hopping. Once or twice that had literally happened when Jorge had decided he needed an “all-angel-request-hour”. Smirking, Spike played with one of Raz’s curls. “Glad to hear it.” He shifted to get more comfortable, so he could rest Raz’s head on his chest. Thankfully, it was a big couch. “Why? I barely even notice it anymore. You’re still all shiny and new. Might as well stay that way as long as possible.” He was still a little touched that Raz thought of it that way. “Alright then.”

“Krzysztof. He’s not your biggest fan, just like you’re not his.” Spike’s suspicions were clearly correct. “I try. There’s a lot to catch up on, though.” The bed hopping didn’t seem that strange to Raz but then he’d never been in any kind of relationship before and didn’t really know what to expect. It didn’t seem to happen that much in movies, though in some movies it happened a lot. He’d watched all kinds of relationships over the centuries so he assumed they just came in all different configurations. “I thought you might be.” He smiled a little, letting Spike play with his hair. Raz shifted when Spike did so he could settle comfortably against him, head on his chest and listening to Spike’s heartbeat. “Because. If you’re used to it you’ve experienced too much of it and I don’t want you all worn down and tired. I might be shiny and new, but you should be reminded of what it’s like to be that way again.” Letting out a breath, he closed his eyes for a moment. “Thanks. For all of this.” He appreciated Spike taking the time to comfort him like this. 

[fallenangelraziel-blog]

drtandon:

“Yes, death can certainly be jarring, particularly when it’s as sudden and violent as these have been. Are you all right?”

“I...think so? I guess I’m still processing it. Strange that I should have to do that, after all this time. How do you deal with it?”