Might As Well Tag Everyone Dang | Nao | Re: Anaki, Aka-san, Chase, MaMi, Torahiko, Pheenie, Atty, Higanbana, Carla, Kimiko
It hurts a lot more than his ribs, not knowing what to say or how to be there for everyone. Nao looks over at Anaki when she speaks, he doesn't deserve anything more than her ire, and probably a punch in the face, but part of him- the selfish part- wants to explain anyway. She was his friend, too. Anaki was stronger than him, in just about every sense, not just a physical one. Maybe he'd become attached to more people, but the group needed her more.Â
"I'm sorry..." Aka-san's angry outburst stings, both because it shows how upset and hurt he is- and Nao had never wanted that, ever- and because in a lot of ways it's true. Nao doesn't think he's better than anyone, on the contrary, he's an asshole, worse than that, he'd killed a girl. What had been a noble sacrifice on Banbi's part was a cowardly act on his. And a selfish one. That's the true part, the part Aka-san is right about. He's selfish. He couldn't bear to watch the others hurt, couldn't stand the thought of losing any of them, so he'd taken the easy way out.
But... he'd never expected them to care this much. No one had ever cared about him this much. Sure he'd known they'd be upset, but knowing what he'd done, seeing what kind of garbage he really was, he'd thought that maybe that would be enough to show them this was really the best option all along.
It just keeps coming. Himiko explains it better than he could, exactly how selfish he really is. He was a protector, he was supposed to keep them safe, and he'd already failed in that... how could he let that failure continue? What was he good for if he couldn't do what he was supposed to do and prevent his loved ones from being harmed? If he wasn't already crying, her words would've started the waterworks for sure.
"Midnight-san, you're... really a good friend." He doesn't know what else to say, genuinely touched by her support. By the support of everyone who's giving it. Nao is relieved that the majority are voting for him anyway, but stunned that so many of them are saying they don't hate him, still consider him a friend, even Torahiko says he doesn't blame him. Somewhere in all the excitement Chase mentions selling his soul and Nao can't even process that with everything else, holy shit. At least he knows the photographer will really do anything to protect Aka-san...
"D-don't... Pheenie-chan, don't hurt yourself." Nao can't bring himself to leave Kimiko and Jasper, this may be his last chance to be near them, but he straightens up and watches Seraphina struggle to speak with alarm. It's too soon, it must be painful. "You have nothing to be sorry for, it's- I'm the one who..." Seriously how does Himiko do it? How do words even work?Â
And then Aka-san is there, retracting his previous statements, and it's all just... too much. Nao wishes he had another arm so he could pull the boy into the hug as well. His throat is closing up, choked with emotion and suppressed sobs.
"It's... it's okay, you can... be angry, you got a right to, I just... I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm such a fuck-up and I couldn't... think of what else to do. I just wanted everyone to be safe. I'm a fuckin' idiot, and selfish, like you said, and... I'm sorry, little brother." Nao shifts a bit, so that he can grip a fold of Aka-san's hoodie for a moment in solidarity without letting go of Kimiko or Jasper.
It just keeps coming. Atumemhet doesn't even vote for him, Jasper is still crying. Nao presses his face into their hair for a moment, murmurs I love you, too. Tries not to completely break down. He did this. He hurt them. But, even now, isn't this still better than the alternative...? Better than what the Devil would have done...?
Someone... would have killed, but would it have happened in time? And wasn't it better that he be the one? Everyone else was precious, too. There had been no good option here, no acceptable sacrifice.
"You are good, Jazz. I'm... shit, I can't even... you're gonna be okay, I know it doesn't feel like it now but you're... all of you, please just. Take care of each other." Nao looks at Jasper, at Kimiko, at Aka-san. He looks over at Anaki again, at Higanbana, and Carla, at everyone he can see from his awkward position on the floor, tears streaming down his face, his voice desperate but surprisingly steady.Â
"Everyone, you can get through this. We made it through the first motive, right? I... I couldn't make it through this one, but you're all strong enough to keep going. I know it. Please, look out for each other. You're all my friends, my family... you're all good people. All I ever wanted... my whole stupid life... was a family. And you all... gave me that. So, thank you. And I'm sorry I fucked it up. But please, keep being a family to each other. Try to reach out to each other... just... please. I know I don't have a right to ask anything, but none of you are alone in this. Just... don't forget that."
Nao turns his head to press a kiss into Kimiko's hair. "I know... I'm an idiot. You... deserved a better brother. But you're the best sister I could've had. And you're never really gonna lose me, I'll crawl back up from Hell to come save you if I have to." He lets go, long enough to dig in his pocket and produce the key to his cabin. He presses it into Jasper's hand. "Here, uh... you and Kimiko... you can have all my stuff. If anyone else wants anything, Aka-san or Anaki or... anyone, they can take stuff, too."