Curie expresses her desire for a Synth body as part of expanding her ability to think, feel, and process information - but I've always wondered if there isn't something else going on, since by every metric Curie as a robot is a fine researcher and probably better equipped than as a synth.
Curie spent the better part of two centuries completely alone in a Vault after burying her only friends. She watched them grow old and die and leave her all alone in the dark to carry out the work, and when she finished, she just... stayed alone, with nothing but a specimen population she kept alive for companionship.
Imagine the tremendous loneliness she must have felt in there. Then someone comes and frees her from her prison, and over time, becomes a friend - maybe even someone she's already developed romantic feelings for, even before the Synth sidegrade. She develops other friendships with their other companions and settlers. And suddenly she's aware that it's going to happen again. They're all going to grow old and die while she has to watch, and that will happen again, and again, and again, until she finally breaks down beyond repair or is destroyed.
Maybe becoming a synth is her way out. Synth aging is ambiguous, but I'm inclined to think they do unless its deliberately turned off (or turned on for surface infiltrators, maybe - default off). Maybe Curie thinks she can find a way to flip her switch to age, so she doesn't have to experience that grief again and again. Maybe she just can't bring herself to tell anyone that her ultimate goal is to die with her friends, old and happy, and not be left again to bury them and mourn them and wait for centuries in the dark for someone else.
fallout new Vegas has the funniest protagonist ever?? the other games are like 'you're from a vault looking for your dad!' or 'you're a dad looking for your lost baby!' and then FNV rocks up with 'brain-damaged gunshot victim claws out of a grave and sprints towards Vegas' like???? girl what is happening in Nevada
Cait’s the ideal companion to start off with – and not just because she’s first alphabetically. Cait’s core concept is solid, her attached quest taps into a rich seam of pathos, and she comes with a neat introduction. But none of them quite work, and they don’t work in specific ways that illustrate what went wrong in designing her and then implementing her content.
Postmortem
So, to start – let’s ask a simple question: what went wrong? Obviously there’s the accent, which is maybe too plainly fake-Irish.[1] But beyond this, there are much bigger issues. For one, her storyline is a little too straightforward ‘fix the broken bird’. That’s not a bad starting point, but it ends up feeling lacklustre when it isn’t used well, and here… Well, it’s used badly. Cait’s entire character is that she’s a woman broken by trauma that is healed by the power of your friendship. That’s a powerful fantasy, and we can work with it in the fixing stage, but it also lies at the core of what went wrong at every stage.
Even the way we pick Cait up is also a great example. The Combat Zone gets a real write-up in the Worldspace section, but the short version: It’s a raider bar with a fighting ring. That’s a really cool concept, so why the hell can’t we engage with it beyond a one-time-only shoot ‘em all followed by simply… being given her??? For free? No strings attached?
By contrast, the original plan for the Combat Zone was interactive, with a fight in the ring against Cait – one that has voiced lines and that has been successfully modded back in with minimal script issues.[2] This version of Cait actively asks you to kill her in the ring after you win and resents that you beat her – and resents even more when Tommy ‘lends’ you her because she’s played out and sloppy. The vanilla equivalent’s tone is radically different, locating Cait as the undefeated champion sent with you to get clean, rather than someone on the very edge of suicide. Tommy’s own ‘I care about this girl’ subtext is rendered blatant text, and he makes no threats to the player if they mistreat her. If there’s interest, I can try and record both versions to show the differences.
The rest of her storyline plays out the same either way: She slowly warms up to you, reveals that she was sold as a slave, killed her parents for selling her, and has spiralled into serious Psycho abuse since. Lots of pathos, lots of tragedy, lots of ‘heal me with love’ energy. Eventually she trusts you enough – romance optional – to put getting clean in your hands, and you go kill a bunch of people to get the magical cure. This leaves us with two problems:
It is completely linear, and the addiction has no actual weight.
The resolution is hollow and disconnected from the world.
We’ll get more into that in the Fixes section.
There’s also an issue with her dialogue. And especially her barks – a split in direction that can’t decide whether she’s genuinely carefree or putting it on. She’s very talkative, and not always in a good way – the issue is not that she talks too much, but that too much of it is snarkily flirty, and it often fires at the wrong time due to the script engine’s limitations. And, with all due respect to Katy Townsend: many of the lines have poor emotional range, and not in a deliberate monotone. Given this is a constant issue with Bethesda titles I’m inclined to lay the blame on the studio rather than the performers – a voice actor will only give you their best read if they have great direction, and the necessity of lots of ‘generic’ dialogue that can’t be too angry, too sad, too wistful, gets in the way of a more dynamic performance.
The end result is we get a very mixed, mostly one-dimensional character. The game says: ‘This is Cait. She’s a drug-addicted bruiser with a dark past. But also, she’s fun and quirky! Don’t forget hot!’ Rather than letting those dimensions expand out with how they conflict, the experience is of muddy dissonance.
Fixing Cait
The first step to fixing Cait is to clarify her role within a party and gate her general barks behind different affinity levels. She begins as someone essentially rented to you by her owner, full of resentment and despair, but her barks don’t reflect this rage. Little details like this add up – they help sell the progression of the relationship. They don’t need to be ‘oh woe is me’ angst material, but more bitterness at the start fading out into comfort and actual hope will turn her from a one-note portrayal and embrace the actual complexity of her narrative.
Likewise, her affinity triggers need revision. The story of Cait is one of someone who has tried to bury their pain beneath rage, suicidal impulses, and adrenaline seeking. Her affinity triggers, though, are set up primarily to reward three things:
Being a right cunt to people, especially violently.
Drugs and sex, but with no weight to it.
Lockpicking and theft.
Basically? She’s a generic Evil Snarky companion until her quest fires and she stops liking drugs, but otherwise remains a right asshole. These affinity triggers, in a nutshell, are rigged to simply view ‘being helpful’ as bad.
The problem is that Cait’s entire quest is about realizing that life is worth living and you are someone who will help her, no strings attached. So – her dialogue responses to being a right cunt early might be positive, but her actual affinity should reward being helpful-without-self-sacrifice, and particularly reward protecting your own. We’ll consider Emotional Weighting shortly as Cait practically begs for it as a clash-of-values aspect to her story.
In terms of sex and romance, Cait should operate almost in reverse of the F4 standard – beginning (after the initial low end affinity trigger kicks out of the ‘I hate and resent you’ stage) with her offering it as a casual thing because she’s been trying to drown out her trauma, then progressing to her ending that casual thing when she hits high affinity and trusts the player enough to know they won’t kick her to the curb over it, with a possibility of renewing a casual thing after she’s clean and hits maximum affinity again depending on her Emotional Weighting. As it stands, her dialogue already supports something like this, but without the extra impact of something being offered and then revoked:
If there's anythin' I learned at the Combat Zone, it was that nobody does things for other people without expectin' somethin' in return. Now I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but your kindness is startin' to make me wonder.
The way we pick her up is also… honestly, bizarre. Whether basegame or the cut original, she’s simply given to the player, with her push back being that she either goes alone (which Tommy, her owner, is magically okay with) or with you. Tommy makes a point about how you’re doing him a favour by taking her with you, but this is a favour we can never cash in. So, the obvious fix here: Cait isn’t free. She’s under contract and even sloppy, she’s a big draw as the undefeated champion. Without Intimidation, high Charisma, or Local Leader, her contract needs to be bought out – say for 500 caps – or rented (in which case Tommy will want her back, cuing a quest), or if you already have a Reputation in Goodneighbour or Libertalia, owing Tommy a favour that cues a quest later. We can come back to that in narrative design’s section.
Next, and rather bigger, is the issue of her dialogue and quest. There’s nothing unworkable in her backstory, but the dialogue around it needs to be tightened and have more push back, and her addiction needs to actually matter. It should be possible to press too early and be told to firmly go fuck yourself, and there should be moments in which her substance abuse lead to some genuine fuck ups when she’s left in a settlement before she gets clean. The decision to swap her out, only to come back to find she’s trashed the settlement or hub’s bar and you’ve got to make good on her behalf or something similar, gives weight to her addictions and also makes the ‘I’ve got to get clean, this shit is killing me’ land as a ‘finally’ if she rejects the demand to go clean earlier. This, ultimately, is the power fantasy at the heart of Cait: that the person you love who is tearing themselves apart in front of you can pull back from the abyss. That’s the key to her quest and her character – that desperate hope, at first given to someone, then shared with someone, that while it may not ever be okay, something worth living is attainable. This hope, though, needs to be hard won – and as it is, Cait will pretty much hand it to you if you shoot a whole bunch of smack in front of her and then tell someone asking you for help to go fuck themselves, which is nonsensical.
As it stands, her affinity quest really has three phases. First, she likes you enough to open up about how things really were in the Combat Zone, then about how killing her parents in revenge for a childhood of abuse and the ultimate betrayal of being sold into slavery did nothing to cure the pain inside of her and how she’s hooked on Psycho because of it, and then finally, the ‘help me get clean’ segment.
How she gets clean is a bit of a pull – Vault 95’s got a magic machine, the only thing that can fix Cait, so go kill a bunch of people and use it. Boring, and worst of all, tied to the Faction That Isn’t, the Gunners. The solution should instead involve finding some form of catharsis for killing her parents – an open-ended problem that permits her to heal enough to make a real go at it by some combination of the following
Finding, and killing, some slavers.
Assisting the Railroad, despite her cynicism.
Witnessing a healthy family – e.g. the Peabodies, subject to its rewrite – or even Piper and Nat.
This should, ideally, be one of those unmarked quests that does not have a compass – only Cait’s dialogue as a loose and semi-reliable guide. When she hits that threshold of catharsis, the marked quest kicks off. This is also where the Emotional Weighting meters can really come into play by restructuring the possible quest like so:
Stage 1: Trust.
Solution 1: Reusing Cait’s actual dialogue about treating her nicely… do just that. Build the Trust meter she has with you to 75 and Empathy up to 50.
Outcome 1: Cait stops sleeping with you and opens up about her past. Remove the affinity boosts for arbitrary violence.
Solution 2: Be a reliable bastard instead. Build Trust to 75 but without Empathy at 50.
Outcome 2: Cait continues the casual thing but opens up, but feels an obligation to double down on the hard act.
Solution 3: Fail. Yes, we’re bringing back failstates. If Cait travels with you long enough without coming to trust you, it diverts into the alternate form of the quest where things get dark. That one’s for later. This isn’t a permanent fail, as there’ll be a chance to pull her back from the brink – but it’s very much a quietly ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
Outcomes 1 and 2 both feed into Stage 2, which fires after a suitable time delay.
Stage 2: Catharsis.
Stage 2 is where you chase down that unmarked catharsis, maybe without even knowing you’re doing it. If you unlocked Outcome 1, Cait gains periodic barks about wanting to make a difference in the world. If you didn’t, she stays cynical and quite vicious throughout.
Solution 1: Catharsis through Extreme Violence. This is where you find and kill some slavers[3] – an option open whether or not you built Cait’s empathy up or not, because this one keys off Trust and Justice.
Outcome 1: Amongst the dead, Cait finds a measure of peace. It’s too late to undo her own pain, but she’s been able to stop someone else’s. She continues struggling with her addiction and branches into Stage 3A.
Solution 2: Catharsis through idealism. Work with the Railroad – whether creating a refuge for runaway synths or killing coursers. This one is only functional if Cait’s Empathy is above 50.
Outcome 2: Cait doesn’t find the peace she unknowingly hoped for, and struggles to express why (it’s because she’s still not 100% convinced Synths are human beings.) She continues abusing Psycho and drinking to forget, and branches into Stage 3B.
Outcome 2a: If Cait and Nick or Curie have a high relationship score, Cait finds catharsis helping synths instead. This requires her to have spent time adventuring with Nick and/or Synth!Curie. Deacon won’t work (he annoys her, and Cait’s emotional state requires direct experiences of the humanity of the synth, not an abstraction) This route opens 3A too.
Solution 3: Happy Families. This is the indirect route, and the one that should be least obvious. Completing Piper’s quest in a way that helps resolve Nat’s struggle, completing Mac’s quest with him bringing his son to live in a settlement, finding a way to help Marcy and Jun Long go on with their life together, reuniting the revised Peabodies, and various other ‘save the family’ quests (e.g. Finch farms) should all increment a hidden counter. If it hits 3 or higher, Outcome 3 fires.
Outcome 3: Cait falls into a pit of despair at the full realization that her monstrous parents were unfathomably cruel even by wasteland standards, and the agonizing grief she finally feels for the child she was and who she could have been. She leaves the party (unless persuaded by a very difficult speech check to remain, in which case this is averted and she redirects to Stage 3B) and disappears for a week before resurfacing in the Hotel Rexford, beaten to hell but resolved that she’s done with her life – one last push or it’s over. This merges her questline into the final stage of the ‘dark place’ version, Stage 3(D)A. It is implied she attempts suicide by picking fights during this time but remains the cursed undisputed champion, unable to die. The player also needs to pick up her tab. However, as dark and punitive as it seems, this primes Cait for her ‘best’ outcome – she enters her second Combat Mode, which is weaker by a fair margin, but her feverish need to make a life worth living flags her for automatic success in the transition to ‘Good End’ Cait.
From there, we move to mainline Stage 3 – the ‘Cait needs to get clean’ phase.
Stage 3: Healing.
This one’s division is rooted in when and under what circumstances she decides and accepts this. 3A Cait is immediately prepared to as part of her cathartic shift – there is no delay, and it flows immediately from the Outcome 1/2a dialogue to her asking for help to move the unfathomable weight from her shoulders. 3B Cait requires either an additional instigating Incident (see below for that) or a suitable delay. The other key difference lies in the ultimate flag – 3A Cait has a much higher chance of hitting peak Cait, while 3B Cait, thanks to her continuing period of Psycho abuse, is more likely to end on the Broken Bird state. Neither is set in stone and player choices for Stage 3 are crucial still.
Stage 3 has, unlike baseline F4, a variety of possible solutions.
Solution 1: The base-game Vault 95 run. Unlike Base F4, the Gunners are (part of the broader rewriting) a real faction, and so it is possible to bargain with them for access to Vault 95’s advanced treatment equipment as well as to kill your way in. If Cait has racked up a negative Gunner Reputation, they will refuse her – forcing you to either resort to violence yourself, or find another solution. ‘Kill ‘em all for the magic machine’ is very much a fail-state last-resort for this questline.
Outcome 1: Cait gets clean, but the underlying trauma is still there. Unless she’s on 3A or has her Empathy high enough, this triggers the Relapsing Broken Bird outcome down the line. If Cait’s Affection score is high enough, she suggests renewing the physical relationship if it has lapsed.
Solution 2: Vault 81 reactivity. If the Mole Rat Plague storyline ended with the protagonists preventing a mass outbreak and the death of Austin, the Vault is prepared to stretch its medical supplies and knowledge to assist Cait in detox for a three week period. If Curie remained as the Vault’s Miss Doctor, this is an automatic success.
Outcome 2: Cait gets clean. If Curie is there and she and Cait have a positive relationship score, she also gets a much needed dose of psychotherapy and achieves the ‘good’ ending. If Curie is absent, then as Outcome 1. If Tina de Luca is still selling chems and Curie is absent, Cait’s recovery is sidelined unless her Empathy rating is high enough, resulting in the Relapsing Broken Bird outcome. If Cait’s Affection score is high enough, she suggests renewing the physical relationship if it has lapsed.
Solution 3: The Institute. They can magic her good as new. Takes three days.
Outcome 3: Cait gets clean, but the conditions of her treatment – complicity in ongoing slavery and abuses – plague her. She relapses into addiction later on, but the healthcare is good enough she avoids the Broken Bird outcome. Her Trust, Empathy, and Justice are permanently capped at 50 and can go no higher. She does not renew the intimacy and, if the catharsis was achieved by helping fight slavery, returns to her bitter dialogues from the very launch. This is a false ‘good end’ – one in which Cait loses faith in the world and the player to do justice, and is effectively locked into the state she was before the questline, right down to reverting to her initial combat mode and affinity indexes.
Solution 4: Curie and a settlement, provided it has a medical clinic and the player can scrounge up enough addictol and stimpaks for the physiological side of things. Takes three weeks and locks both companions. (4A: Synth Curie suggests using the Memory Den to process Cait’s trauma more efficiently, in a mirror of the player using Nick to dive Kellogg’s brain. This reduces the timeline to a single week and lowers the Empathy and Trust weights required for the Good End.)
Outcome 4: Branches. If Cait and Curie have a positive relationship score, this route guarantees the ‘good end’ to Cait’s questline regardless of other factors. If they have a negative one, Cait remains troubled – unless her Empathy and Trust of the player are both high enough, it ends in the Relapsed Broken Bird endstate. Unlocks the hidden Cait-Curie relationship perks.
Solution 5: Encourage her not to get clean, you absolute villain.
Outcome 5: If Trust is at maximum, Cait agrees – she’s nothing without the drugs that keep her on top in a fight. This is perhaps the single worst end state, and accordingly, Cait’s Incidents should accelerate. She enters the fourth Combat Mode, but a hidden integer starts counting – after three combat downings, she finally finds peace in death. This Cait burns bright and brutal, but brief. If Trust is below Maximum, Cait loses all Trust in the player, leaves their service, and takes up residence in Goodneighbour’s Memory Den as a bouncer trying to use the Loungers to relieve her pain enough to quit on her own terms. She can only be rerecruited with a very challenging Speech check, but will never renew the intimacy once rehired and will revert to her bitter dialogue. Rehired Cait does not enter the fourth Combat Mode and is mechanically no different to Second Mode Cait - whether you succeed or fail, this act of utter bastardy is a complete betrayal of her.
Combat Modes
In the above outline, I’ve referenced Combat Modes. The idea here is that mechanically, Cait should be divided into four possible modes. Her First Mode is the basic melee-based bruiser with an ability to go full Psycho – giving her a burst of attack speed and damage. Her Second Mode is where the drugs are catching up and she becomes slower and weaker than she was, but is still a melee-based bruiser with the ability to trigger the Psycho rush but with a stun at the end. Her Third Mode loses the psycho ability but replaces it with the ability to get herself up periodically without needing to be rescued – the will to live as game mechanic – and, depending on if she’s a Broken Bird or not, restores the health and speed penalty.
The fourth is Suicidal Cait, who triggers the Psycho rush in every combat, is unable to use ranged weapons, and who takes additional damage but deals plenty more too. Suicidal Cait doesn’t last long in this world, and that's the price of being a bastard: you kill your friend, because her appeal to you to help her get clean wasn't just about getting off the Psycho, but about wanting to believe better things are possible for her. It's not the addiction that ultimately does her in, but the fact you talk her into giving up that hope she might one day escape the pain.
Part 2 soon – detailing the aesthetic shifts for Cait, the Incidents that give her addiction weight, a possible Tommy Lonnegan questline to tie the Combat Zone to the Triggermen and make renting her or trading her for a favour a rewarding proposition, endstate details and perks, and her companion interactions.
[1] ‘But how does she even have one 200 years after the –‘ shut up. The assumption travel is impossible is foolishness of the highest order: human beings crossed the Atlantic with nothing more technologically complicated than shallow-draught single-masted clinker-built ships and knowledge of the tides. People fucking row across the Atlantic! Crazy people, but people! ‘Oh but ghoul whales – ‘ sir how many ghoul whales and sharks do you think exist in the devastated oceans. ‘But radstorms and – ‘ Human beings are real good at looking at the unfathomable dangers of the sea, going ‘hold my beer’, and proceeding to do impossible things. You think a radstorm is that much more dangerous than trying to round the cape in an arctic blow??? ‘wow Europe must be worse than America – ‘ or maybe its better and some people look specifically at the chaos of the American Wastelands and think: yes, perfect! People are profoundly unserious on this point! Can you tell I’m annoyed! Exclamation mark!
[2] Two mods are required to reimplement – one that reimplements, and one that patches. These aren’t due to the particularly complex scripting, though.
[3] Where? Tricky, as Fallout 4’s basic design doesn’t really include slavers. But there are places we can easily insert them – the Gunners, for instance, and the various Raider-occupied quarries and mines. We could also add a debt-slavery ring to Goodneighbour to pit Cait against Hancock, or even Return to the Combat Zone for a confrontation with Tommy. With Nuka-World or Far Harbour, more options open up too – the entire
In lieu of Cait Part 2 due to weather and Life, a love letter to Goodneighbour that should also say a lot about how I approach it in the F4C redesign doc.
It is not yet done - not yet grown - hardly yet born. So many would strangle it in the womb for all it could be. So many have tried out of less than that fear - for nothing more than a few caps, a slave or two. It is a complicated place because it is not a place at all yet. It is a Rorschach blob: look at it and what you see will tell you more about who you are than about the place. Is it an anarchic den of drug-addled drifters, prostitutes and outcasts? Is it the birthplace of a new ideology for which you would sacrifice yourself freely? Both, god help you? Or is it a ghost of a dream that died three centuries ago, carried on only by some ineffable spectre that haunts humanity’s dreams of progress and rises, again and again, to scream at its betrayal?
Maybe it’s just old brick and steel buildings that reek of piss.
After a long enough time, everyone’s faces blur together in Goodneighbor.
They are neither good nor bad, fair nor foul, ill nor hale. They are. They very simply are. They are the people of this amorphous phantom of a town, and their boundaries sometimes, from the window of my apartment, seem to be as fluid and vaporous as those of the Goodneighbor itself. Even those figures who stand out as distinct - the jabberer who has his own fixations, his fears of the super mutants eating his liver; the comforting familiarity of Daisy and her slowly growing library, tucked into its corner of the Old State house; the mechanical purr of K-L-E0 and her murderous body - are blurred on the right day, when the breeze carries with it some emanation from the cold, dead waters of the Bay. The character seeps from them and into the old, worn setts of the road, through the cracks and down, down - deeper, down, deeper and deeper until it reaches a place that does not quite exist in any human sense. It pools into this hidden reservoir beneath the city, the one that has grown and grown over its time. The one made of the voice of thousands of singers; the blood of thousands of fighters; the hopes of thousands more dreamers and rogues and loners; to say nothing of my own, which must surely seep into it as easily as anyone else’s; more, perhaps, without any particular character of my own to defend my personality from the slow ingress of the contagious liberty-madness of this place of the outcast and the idealist.
It is easy to think this way on a cold October evening, with the fog rolling off the harbour and the noise of the city omnipresent. It is not quite oppressive, this background hum. I have been silent places and loud places, and prefer, on the balance, those with just enough of the right noise. Silence is a terrible thing compared to the soft creak of the windmills turning on the overpass, and the constant whisper of chatter from the open air market of Scolay Square; the mumble of drunks in the alleys; the throb of generators. These are sounds that tell you are not alone; that the world has not forgotten you so thoroughly that it has ceased to do you the courtesy of existing when you are not looking directly at it. This was often a fear of mine in childhood, in the long dark spaces between dozing and waking. I would wake with fright, convinced that in fact there was nothing beyond myself; that, in an unguarded moment, I would turn to look to something comforting and regular and find only an empty black void so devoid of any substance that it could not even be considered empty.
—————
There are only three things a man needs to be happy. He must have food, warmth, and pleasure. This is the common view of the people of the Wasteland - and as common views usually are, it is not quite right. To be happy, to be truly happy, a man requires more than these three simple things. They are necessary, but they are not sufficient. The human being requires more rarefied fare than that of beasts, and more’s the pity - no wolf ever yet destroyed the world, nor fish blackened the sky with the ashes of their cities. The mark of man is a sophistication at once beautiful and destructive - an infinite capacity for that stuttering, halting thing we call civilization, however loosely we may define It and however vast Its potential for bloodshed.
In Goodneighbour, this need bubbles to the surface more freely than it does in the rest of the Commonwealth. It’s not that we have more capacity for it. We have less - far, far, far less than either Diamond City or that new Jerusalem that sits on its little river island in the north. No. Here, among fire-blackened bricks and layers of graffiti so thick they could peel back like geological strata, those who cannot fool themselves into thinking they may settle for just those three things congregate. They do not know what they need, necessarily - many come for the chems, the free and easy access to cheap Jet and bathtub buffout and mushrooms grown in the old sewers that will either kill you stone dead or liberate you for a time from earthly concerns - but they come because they know they need it.
What other village is anchored on song and art?
——————
Magnolia is radiant on the stage. She always is - it’s her nature to swallow attention; a gamine vortex of emotion and desire and romantic fantasy, all centred on dark eyes that hide behind painted lashes the colour of soot and lips the deep red of spilled rich blood. She was thus when I first saw her, and has been thus every night she has performed since, and even many she hasn’t. I have never seen her any other way than as this smouldering fire, always seeming to wait for the right hands to ignite her to some fling of passion.
It’s an act, of course, but its a damn good one. For the half hour of her sets, she sells you this as a truth, not as a lie. A lie you can ignore and refuse. A true thing, though? Those ache to ignore. It hurts to refuse to answer, to look away, even if some small part of you knows she isn’t really looking at you - that she can see only shadowy figures beyond the lights, staring up at her on the mezzanine of the Rexford, trailing light and smoke from cigarettes. No doubt that is part of how she puts her soul into it. If she can’t see the audience, how is she to be sure the one true lover, the one who will finally sweep her off her feet and understand her without requiring her to concede a single inch of her inner self to them, isn’t seated there on an antique armchair? So - sing, sing with true hope and desire and that desperate girlish need to be loved that is so painfully clear that no one with a soul, much less a heart, could ever hope to ignore it.
———————
What to make of the new civilization creeping across Boston? The same as the last, of course - best to enjoy it while it lasts, for all the gifts it can give, and to look to find ways around its excesses. Safer roads are nothing to sneeze at in these troubled times. Bandits and terrors can lie around any bend, and we ought to be thankful for anyone who will drive them back into the shadows.
———————
The smell of books rises when it is damp. It’s not unpleasant, this distinct aroma - the musty vanilla of the pages slowly breaking down. It is an unexpected advantage of renting this tiny space above Daisy’s emporium and library. On particularly moist nights, when the wind is just right, it smells like riffling the papers of something on that precious old kind of paper - the terrible cheap kind that now disintegrates in the hand, its leaves so brittle and eaten by the acids of the ink that the fantasies of the old world within fall away from you in glassy fragments as soon as you open the cover. Imagine the luxury of cheap paper and ink, so cheap it could be disposable, read and hurled into a bin. What an age those long-dead men built for themselves.
————————
There is violence in the street again.
——————
Why green for their coats, I wonder? The Minutemen wore blue, and this new government is supposedly their inheritor. They don’t run out of Diamond City. So why green? Why this dark olive colour they insist on, with their new coats? What vanity is it that possesses them to spend such extravagant sums on new fabrics from Ronto?
The clothes make the man.
—————
It is a pleasant evening to wile away a few hours in the Rexford. The new Management have done wonders with the old place - out with the decades of neglect, in with a polished veneer that glows under the dim chandelier. You could almost forget all the bad years when Marowski ran the place as his personal flophouse and barracks, and cleaning the place was a very, very distant second to ‘keeping the riff-raff out’.
How strange that sounds now that those very same riff-raff line up in the alley out back for their free soup.
—————
There is a boy who has begun to show himself at the Rexford. He is skin and bones; a walking scarecrow in ragged old clothes, with hair the colour of a dusty sunset and a most unfortunate nose. None of us can work out where he comes from - out West, certainly, but he is not talkative. He nurses a single beer most of the night and reads, moving his lips, from his battered old book. He is predictably smitten when Magnolia sings. He excuses himself when the heavies come to drink at the bar.
He is perhaps fifteen.
————
There are new books today in the library. I have helped Daisy move them up the tight stair in exchange for part of my weekly allowance of rent - neither of us want a repeat of the day her fingers fell off. It’s strange how such a simple idea took so long to come together.
You’d think the Minutemen at the Boston Library would send books - but no. Daisy is forced to buy them from scavengers. Fair prices, in caps or the new scrip from the new Jerusalem. Romance novels with cracked spines, Tolstoy in faded buckram, crudely restapled pamphlets on the history of that mythological beast the automobile. Daisy buys them all.
Continuing my thoughts on the Fallout series - let's look at some data for a change rather than weird symbolism Eva-style or possible narrative reworks. Specifically: Let's compare companions based on what we know about them, broken arbitrarily into Stats and Figures!
The reason I think this is worth doing is the pattern it reveals in the writing of the series. Methodologically, we're going to look at just three factors:
1. Do we know where the companion is from, with a suitable degree of accuracy? Could we in theory go visit?
2. Do we know if the companion has family/close friends, and anything about them?
3. Do they have a hidden quirk or something similar? If the quirk is actually horrific writing or rapey bullshit, it gets no points.
Each companion gets a possible score of 1 for each category, and we'll average a score out for the companions of a specific game. Pretty rudimentary stuff. An overall score of 1 indicates a loose connection, a 2 feels enmeshed, and a 3 feels totally enmeshed. 3 is, arguably, the ideal level, but 2 has advantages too for player-driven emergent narratives.
The scores are:
Fallout 1: 2.
Fallout 2: 2.16
Fallout 3: 0.875
New Vegas: 2.625
Fallout 4: 1.75
The rationale for each game is below. The big pattern that emerges is twofold:
Games that tell us where people are from and let us engage with it somehow, or that draw on a place we have already been in the prior games, feel more rooted and consequential.
Fallout 3 and 4's allergy to making choice of companion actually meaningful narratively prevents even the best of the Bethesda Era from feeling right.
Fallout 1 only has 4 companions.
Dogmeat I - we know where he's from (1), we know he had family and what happened to them (1), though he has no real quirk. In fact, we both visit Dogmeat's origin and have the chance to avenge Dogmeat's last owner. Total: 2.
Ian - we don't know where he's from per se but we know his origins and can visit them (in the Hub), so that's a 1. We know nothing of his families, but he has a quirk of extensive local knowledge barks by Fallout 1 standards, so another 1. Total of 2.
Katja - we know exactly where she's from and visit it (1); know little of family or friends; and she has minimal (due to the loss of the banter system) quirks. Total of, sadly, 1.
Tycho - we know where he's from and, while we can't visit it, it feels precise enough in context - so a 1 to start; we know of family and friends, so another 1; and he has a couple of small quirks. Tycho's total is 3.
So, averaging it (8 / 4), we get a score of 2 - Fallout 1's Companions are firmly middling, and feel enmeshed in the world.
Fallout 2
Dogmeat I, again - this time, he's a special encounter in a time-displaced cafe, so he doesn't quite map right. We're going to set him aside as a companion as a result. We'll do the same for the pariah dog, as much as I love him.
John Cassidy - we don't know where he's from exactly, but we do know his recent past locations - we recruit him from it, and he feels embedded. So, as arbitrary as it seems - 1. As of FO2, we knew nothing of his family. But quirks? Oh boy, he's got those, and several. So - 2.
Davin the farmboy - we know exactly where he's from, so 1. His family situation is essential to recruiting him, so another 1. But does acquiring him via shotgun marriage really count as a quirk? We're calling him another 2, as we will his sister, Miria.
Goris - all three! We know where he's from, we know his family situation, and he comes preloaded with quirks. Our first 3 for Fallout 2, as divisive as talking deathclaws are.
K9 - we know where he's from (1) and his family (2). He's a dog - a cyberdog that talks! Is that a quirk? Not enough of one, so he's a 2. The robodog is an inferior version that rates a 0.
Lenny -
We know where he's from even if we can't go there (but we could in 1), we know his family, and he's got a few quirks beyond being a ghoul. So - 3.
Marcus - who doesn't love Marcus? We know exactly where he's from in both origin and where he's been hanging out before FO2 started (1); we know his found family (1); he's got quirks enough to count as a 1. Another 3.
Myron - who doesn't hate Myron? We know where he's from (1), and while he has no known family his connections with the Mordinos substitutes (1), and his quirks are... They're there, but the less said the better. 90s game devs, man. 90s game devs. Myron is a 2.
Skynet - buggy and weird as his attached tapes are - has a concrete origin (1), no family but suitable substitutes via the tapes (1), and is one walking giant quirk. Skynet's a 3.
Sulik - He's tricky, because his village should exist but doesn't. I'm inclined to rank him as not having a real origin as a result, but we'll give him the point for his sister. He's got his quirks, good and bad, so that takes him to a 2.
Vic - origin? Check. Family? Check. Quirks... Eh. if we were doing half marks, sure, but not a full point. Vic's a 2.
So, Fallout 2 - the average is, setting aside the two special dogs, 2.16 - if we gave those half marks for Sulik, Vic, and K-9, it'd bump to 2.3. That seems to track: Fallout 2's companions are nearly all memorable, embedded, and come with neat tie-ins elsewhere in the world and similar quirks (like the trouble having Lenny causes from other settlements, etc.)
Fallout 3 is where things start to shift.
Dogmeat II - we know nothing of this very fine dog. He is, unfortunately, a zero.
Star Paladin Cross - tricky. While we could say she's from the Pentagon, we know nothing of her past before that, so i'm inclined to mark her as a 0, but a 1 for ties to others via the player and their father. No quirks. She's a 1, unfortunately.
Butch - we not only know where he's from, we're from there too. Butch scores a 3, as he has both a past, family and friend ties, and a quirk worth noting narratively, though this is perhaps a touch generous and we could easily mark him a 2.
Clover - we know nothing at all of Clover except her rivalry with Crimson and the, uh... Poorly considered execution of her concept, revisited with Cait for FO4. No real quirks. Clover, unfortunately, rates a zero as a result.
RL-3 - he loves two things: arbitrary statistics, and killing communists. He has no real history, no connections, and no real quirks, but we will generously give him a 1.
Jericho - he's an ex-raider, but we don't know where from. He has tiny connections, none of them significant. He has no real quirk. He's a zero, or a generous 1.
Fawkes - another tricky one, as Fawkes is both the most engaging companion, and... has no real history beyond his prison cell, no ties, no real quirks. We will again generously give him a 1.
Charon - what is it with new Fallouts and having you acquire slaves with no consideration of what that entails? Charon has a past that could be anywhere, one loose tie, no real quirks. He's a 1.
Fallout 3 averages 0.875/3.
New Vegas!
Arcade - we start strong. Arcade has a home, a past, and relationships - 2 already. He's got quirks, so we're at a 3 right off the bat.
Boone - we know exactly where he's from, his family and friends situation, and yes, he quirks. Another 3.
Lily - where's she from? Tricky, since we can't go, but concrete. A 1 there. Relations? a 1 - even if they're long dead. Quirks? Eh... Yes, but not a point's worth - if we were doing halves, certainly. Lily sits at a comfortable 2.
Raul - again, we know where he's from and his family situation, so he's a 2 already - a 1.5 if we were being strict. His situation grants him quirkiness just sufficient to scrape to a 3.
Cass - 3. Any questions why? No? Good.
Veronica - another automatic 3. She's deeply embedded, even if her quirks are slightly lacking.
ED-E - tricky. We know where he's from, his 'family' of sorts, and he's got the quirks... But I think we can mark him a 2. That's not a bad thing in itself.
Rex - we salute our canine overlords. Rex has a history, a family, a place, and the whole brain quirk. But like ED-E, I think he's better marked as a 2 than a 3.
So, New Vegas averages to 2.625, the highest in our ranking so far. Even if we drop Raul and Veronica to 2s, NV remains the top.
So, Fallout 4... Here, things get complicated. Quirks here do not include perks or quests, only something that really stands out. Arguably, that's unfair, but it goes to a basic issue: none of the companions have real impacts on the world beyond being your pal.
Dogmeat III - he has no real home, but he has loose ties to Mama Murphy. No real quirk except being a Very Good Girl. Rates a 1.
Cait - sure, she has a home and family... But: Where is that home? The family's dead. We can give her 1 point between the two for the Combat Zone and Tommy, but that's about it. She has no significant quirk. Cait, as much as I love her conceptually, is a 1/3.
Codsworth - home? Tick, and we can go there. Family? Tick - dull as they are. Quirk - with Automatron, tick, but there's not a lot of one. Codsworth barely justifies the 2, and if we did half marks, would be a 1.5 or even a 1.
Curie - home? Tick, as a place we can go. Family? Of sorts, and more interesting than Codsworth's. Quirk - again, sort of. A 2.5 if we did half marks; a 3 since we don't.
Danse - home? Tick again, as a place we've already been. Family and relationships? Yep, with actual NPCs at that. Quirk? Of sorts. A 2.5 if we did, a 2 since we don't.
Deacon - home? Maybe. Family/relationships? Sort of. A quirk? Yes. Deacon sits at a 2 too, but his ambiguity works against him.
Hancock - home? Yes, surprisingly, and two of 'em at that. Family and relationships? Yep. A quirk? Arguably, yes. Hancock rates a 3, or conservatively, a 2.
MacCready - home? Yes. Family? Yes, but off screen. A quirk? Nah. Mac should arguably be a 1, but we'll be generous and let him be a weak 2. The problem with him is like Cait's: It has no possible interaction with the world; it is a static thing that exists in the past tense. Contrast Danse and Hancock.
Nick Valentine - Tick, tick, and big tick. There's a reason everyone loves Nick, and its because he's a 3.
Piper - Sort of, tick, nope. Why sort of? Because we don't know where Piper's actually from, just a little town someplace. This is unsatisfactory. We'll rank her a 1, as she's really a pretty flat character.
Preston - bizarrely, we have no idea where ol' Preston grew up, where he lay his head, or really much of anything beyond his service in the Minutemen. (Synth Preston confirmed.) But he does come with those prebaked relationships, and an annoying quirk. Preston scores a 1 that should probably be a 1.5.
Strong - we know virtually nothing of Strong beyond his membership in his mutant band, but that's enough to give him a home, ties, and as a super mutant, a soft quirk that should be stronger than it is by a country mile. He's a 2.5 that marks down to a 2.
X6-88 - Institute Courser. That's... that's it. X6-88 is a 1.
ADA - Where's she from? Someplace. Who are her people? Dead before your eyes. At least she's got a quirk. 2.
Longfellow - where's he from? The Island. What's his relationships? The Island (and his dead wife.) Does he have a quirk? Not particularly. Despite being one of the best written companions, he sits lower down the order at a 1, though arguably he should be bumped right up to a 3 or 4 with Narrative Strength bonus points.
Gage - where's he from? Nowhere. Who are his people? Nobodies. He has the Park, and that's about it, with no real quirk to speak of either. Gage, sadly, is a 1 too.
That gives us a Fallout 4 average of 1.75, well below New Vegas but better than 3 - which seems appropriate. I'm not doing 76 because of its constraints.
Plate 37: NCSDF Captain R.J. MacCready, captured in action during his service with the Gunners. Captain MacCready received special amnesty during the Gunner Trials for his services to the Freebooters and active role in organizing the Prosecution of the Gunners, but remains dogged by allegations of involvement of massacres of prisoners during both his service with that rightly maligned group and with the Freebooter Corps. It is not known when Captain MacCready lost his eye, but this photo confirms it occurred prior to 2287.
Plate 22: A rare surviving daguerreotype of Quincy Massacre survivor Marcy Long, approximately 2289, taken by Ms. E. Cabot on commission of P. Wright for her unpublished Official History of the New Commonwealth, now reproduced for the first time.
Many human cultures inhabiting realities along the Anthrophilic Cluster exhibit a tendency towards the reuse of names for creatures that may or may not be of the same kind. In the Earth of the Black Isle, the clearest example of this is the notorious Deathclaw - a cluster of five confirmed species and two cryptids with variably divergent traits that all occupy the same role of apex predator. The relation of the Deathclaw species to one another is unclear, and their origin is itself ambiguous.
Beneath the cut - the seven known species of Deathclaw.
ORIGINS
It is broadly understood by the local populations that the Deathclaws of the West and East Coast - but not the Midwest - descend from the Jackson's Chameleon, altered by a combination of deliberate genetic engineering, radiation exposure, and FEV exposure. However, the evidence for this belief is minimal, and it appears to trace back to a claim made by a single individual, a Wasteland healer and herbalist adopted by a community of Deathclaws [Joseph, 2241.] This source's other observations include the widely cited belief that Deathclaws utilize a syrinx rather than vocal cords for speech, and that at least one subpopulation exhibited patriarchal rather than matriarchal tendencies at odds with other known populations. However, the Pedant notes that this local source had no medical or zoological training, and no access to gene sequencing equipment, and accordingly, is not overly inclined to consider his testimony as especially convincing on either issue.
Let us consider, briefly, the Jackson's Chameleon. This species exhibits certain distinctive characteristics:
☢ Three straight or slightly curved horns present on males of the species - one on each brow, and one on the nose - and a casque.
☢ Generally small size.
☢ Lack of violent territoriality.
☢ High humidity tolerance and low humidity intolerance.
☢ Ovoviviparous (non-egg-laying), though other chameleons are oviparous.
☢ Five toes on each foot, fused into a zygodactyly arrangement.
☢ Chameleonic colour changing.
☢ A prehensile tail.
☢ Projectile tongue.
☢ Large, side-mounted eyes.
☢ Small, acrodontic teeth - that is, teeth fused directly to the jaw without root or socket.
☢ A laterally compressed body.
FIGURE 1: A typical Jackson's Chameleon. [Rich Torres, c. 2008.]
Few of these features are present in an uncomplicated fashion among Western Deathclaws. In fact, none of these traits are known to be present in Western Deathclaws. It is of course plausible that the sheer extent of genetic meddling is sufficient to obscure all these distinctive features, but the Pedant is unconvinced that this is a sufficient explanation, especially as there is no apparent reason to utilize the Jackson's Chameleon as a genetic base over that of a variety of Agamidae or Iguania. Accordingly, we tentatively reject the claim as insufficiently evidenced. We are aware this may prove controversial, but believe the evidence must be accepted on its own face.
This then raises the question of the actual origin of the Deathclaw. In fact, little is known for each species. They are believed to be reptiles, though this is not certain. They incorporate a number of other genetic sources. They are, it follows, necessarily chimeric entities, producing considerable complexity in the matter of cladistic analysis, though no particular barrier to our taxonomic efforts. Accordingly, we posit - and for the purposes of classification, accept - the following hypothesis:
Creatures known as Deathclaws are the product of genetic engineering, combining influences from multiple classes and orders of life. Most Deathclaws, but not the Hairy Deathclaw, are mesothermic, endothermic, or selectively endothermic reptilians.
We will test this against the known populations of Deathclaw:
FIGURE 2: The distribution map of known Deathclaw species, including the largely apocryphal Texas Deathclaw.
We will now proceed with the assessment of the Western or Classical Deathclaw.
WESTERN DEATHCLAW
FIGURE 3: A typical Western Deathclaw specimen, first described by Cain et al, 1997. Note the relatively small horns and claws for a Deathclaw species, and the presence of four digits on hands and feet (one of them a dewclaw.)
The Western Deathclaw is the type species of the Deathclaw genus, Homicida, and family, Neodeinonichidae, and we take its features to be broadly indicative of what constitutes its genus.
Western Deathclaws are tetrapodal oviparous obligate carnivores with prominent claws, two forward-facing horns, no nasal horn, opposable thumbs, a somewhat simian bipedal gait, and no gastralia. It is unclear from the available evidence if the Western Deathclaw possesses a sternum plate of any kind, or if the sternum plate is primarily cartaliginous or osseous. An enlarged, muscular tail provides both a weapon and counterbalance to their top-heavy, highly muscular build. They have small, forward-facing eyes and highly developed limbs. They exhibit four digits on each foot and hand, with a dewclaw on each foot, all fairly evenly developed without marked disparities in size or function. The horns are smooth and relatively slender compared to other Deathclaw species, and the features of the Deathclaw are displeasingly simian.
FIGURE 4: A deceased Western Deathclaw. Observe the lack of a sternum. It is unclear whether this is due to damage to the carcass. There is no gastralia present, though this is common among many squamata species.
Notably, few of these traits resemble the Jackson's Chameleon, which we take as further evidence against the Trioceros as primary genetic donor. More likely candidates include agamids or even crocodilians. If dinosaur DNA was available, this would be the easiest explanation, as a wide variety of theropods exhibited the same four-digit pattern, but we are unaware of any successful recovery. The generally simian or ape-like appearance of the gait and build might suggest primate genetics, or merely reflect the consequences of over-developing the upper body without adequate lower body support. Without sufficient information, we cannot trace an origin point of any particular feature to a donor species, but we proceed nonetheless.
Like all known Deathclaws, the Western Deathclaw lays eggs. They are large, durable, and leathery, weighing up to six or seven kilograms. We submit this is an important criteria of the genus Homicida.
FIGURE 5: The known range of the Western Deathclaw.
The Western Deathclaw's range is largely confined to the central Valley of California, with limited projection into Western Nevada. A population of Deathclaws was known as far south as Los Angeles, but is believed to have been exterminated by local hunters, though we have indicated their presence on the distribution map. Apocryphal accounts of the species being sighted as far West as Colorado are unverifiable.
We nominate the Western Deathclaw as follows, using the standard tripartite schema of the Temple - phylogenic taxon, niche taxon, and mythotaxon:
Neodeinonichidae Homicida california
Apocoreptilia carnivora apexus
Demonica primitiva terminoludic challengarius
We note also that the Neodeinonichidae are a genetically modified Squamata - presumably - and we tentatively place the Neodeinonichidae within the Iguania suborder. We thus nominate them, in full, as Squamata Iguania|scientificum Neodeinonichidae Homicida california, but we note that the strictly correct terminology remains H. california.
An intelligent, talkative variety of this species was known briefly in Central California circa 2241. It is now believed to be extinct, and was the direct product of 'Enclave' experimentation with FEV-2a on extant Deathclaw populations. We do not believe this species warrants a subspecies nomination, but do provide it with the following mythotaxon:
Exhostis benevolans reverso deathclaw
HAIRY DEATHCLAW
FIGURE 6: A rare photograph of a Hairy or Midwestern Deathclaw, first described by Orman et al, 2001, on the attack.
The Hairy Deathclaw is an abnormality among the Deathclaws. While most appear to be reptiles, the Hairy Deathclaw exhibits certain characteristically mammalian characteristics: their namesake fur, and mammary glands. Their precise origin is uncertain, but the Temple believes these characteristics are sufficient to place the Hairy Deathclaws not among the Neodeinonichidae, nor even the Reptilia, but among the clade of mammals. The Pedant recognizes this decision may be controversial, but has chosen to proceed regardless.
The distinguishing characteristics of the Hairy Deathclaw, beyond fur and lactation, are quite striking. They are egg laying - suggesting either monotreme genetic influence or a convergent evolutionary or modification pathway - and have unreliable, vestigial dewclaws. Alone of the Deathclaws, they bear a nasal horn, but also two sets of rear horns that form a display crest either side of a central horn that sweeps backwards over the skull which is not universally present. One set of horns curls in and down ala that of a ram among various bovids, while the other projects up and back and resemble those of mountain goats or antelopes - a feature we believe to be significant, and will revisit. All toes have sharp claws and both hands and feet have four digits, with the first two digits bearing the largest claws. The thumbs appear to be fully opposable. The tail is comparatively slender and unarmoured relative to other Deathclaws. They are capable of speech and higher reasoning.
We note that the Hairy Deathclaw lays eggs, suggesting monotreme ancestry - though unlike most monotremes, they retain teeth into adulthood and possess nipples. Monotreme genetics may also account for the ability of the Hairy Deathclaw to tolerate the harsh winters of the Midwestern Wasteland with only patchy fur, though this is speculative. The vestigial fifth toe may in fact represent a monotreme spur. We note also that the Echidnas often bear four toes per foot. It is perhaps not irrelevant also that Orman et al's antipodean cultural background render the awareness of monotremes commonplace among the Hairy Deathclaw's discoverers.
We turn now to the horn arrangement. The bizarre fifth horn is unknown among mammals, but the other two sets of horns bear spiralling rings and share shapes with common sheep and mountain goats. Sheep, goats, and other bovid species are periodically polycerate, either as mutation or inherited characteristic. The nasal horn is difficult to account for, but might in fact point at last to influence from chameleons or the rhinoceros. However, the Pedant believes that it is likely a deliberate 'up-arming' of the Hairy Deathclaw rather than an incidental trait like the other horns, and we do not place an undue weight on its presence. Accordingly, we believe the most likely candidate for the 'base genome' of the Hairy Deathclaw to be that of the humble sheep, though we do not consider the Hairy Deathclaw appropriately classified as bovidae.
We note also the emergence shortly before or after the Great War of the 'Sheepsquatch' of the Appalachian Wastes - a hairy, horned, Deathclaw like cryptid with distinctively ram or goat-like characteristics and prominent spiny quills, which we will consider in more detail below. However, the known distribution of the Hairy Deathclaw is limited to a narrow band in the American Midwest - though it is entirely possible that the species may extend further north, south, and east, and possible but unlikely that it extends west into the Great Plains. No populations are known in the Appalachian Range.
FIGURE 7: The confirmed distribution of the Hairy Deathclaw.
The bizarre fifth horn is reminiscent of the casques found in some birds and - once again - in Chameleons. It is not without some amusement that the Pedant notes that the Deathclaw that most closely resembles the Jackson's Chameleon is the Mammalian Hairy Deathclaw. If this fifth horn is in fact a casque, this may explain its variability in the species and its function, providing an anchor for enhanced bite force, thermoregulation, and - by acting as a resonator chamber - communication. However, this is speculative.
Finally, we note that the Hairy Deathclaws are the most 'human' Deathclaw. They are capable of speech and intelligent thought, with no known deliberate engineering of this capability. They stand considerably more erect than other Deathclaws and appear to have a remarkably primate-adjacent chest and shoulder structure, though they are digitigrade in their legs. The prominent brow ridge and location of the eye also appear to bear some relationship to primates, though this may be coincidental. It is plausible that the Hairy Deathclaw incorporates a not-inconsiderable amount of H. sapiens genetic material, or perhaps that of the digitigrade primates.
With these factors in mind, we nominate the Hairy Deathclaw as follows. At this time, we consider the most appropriate higher level taxa of the Hairy Deathclaw to be a novel family of Monotremata|scientificum, the Macromonotremeidea, and proceed with them as:
Oreamnobipeda carnifexa
Apocobovid anthropos apexus
Satyrica hostilis carnifex
The Hairy Deathclaw is, we must concede, not a 'true' Deathclaw. Rather, it appears to be the product of cultural diffusion providing a convenient and culturally appropriate name for an unrelated creature. In the Wasteland, a large biped that primarily kills with its claws, bears large horns, and lays eggs may be appropriately termed a Deathclaw regardless of phylogeny.
TEXAS DEATHCLAW
FIGURE 8: The so-called Texas Deathclaw, first described by Pasetto et al, 2004.
Mercifully, the Texas Deathclaw - like the Texas Radroach - remains wholly apocryphal and unevidenced. From the confused accounts of this creature, it appears to be - if it exists at all - another case of the functional label of Deathclaw rather than a Deathclaw per se. With three digits on the hands and two claws on each foot, a greatly more gorilla-like posture, spines on the jaws and two rows of spiny protusions on the back, the Texas Deathclaw does not especially resemble the Western Deathclaw. It bears, at best, a passing resemblance to the Eastern Deathclaw.
CAPITOLINE DEATHCLAW
FIGURE 9: An artist's impression of the Capitoline Deathclaw, first described by Pagliarulo et al, 2007, feeding on H. sapiens. [2024, Robin Olausson for MtG]
The Capitoline Deathclaw is an unusual specimen, and it is difficult to determine whether one of the most noteworthy features, the loose skin, is due to disease or starvation. We tentatively proceed on the assumption that this is not the case. The lean, emaciated appearance of the Capitoline Deathclaw heightens the 'starved' appearance presented by their characteristically loose, largely scaleless skin. As no Capitoline Deathclaw has been observed without these traits, we believe this loose skin instead represents a defensive trait, permitting a grappled Deathclaw to twist and fight easily. What role this would serve for the creature as an engineered weapon for pre-War battlefields is unclear, and it may represent a rapid adaptation to the Wasteland, where large predators are considerably more common.
Beyond this loose skin, the Capitoline Deathclaw possesses an elongated skull with prominent flat facing nostrils, small eyes beneath a heavy brow ridge, a relatively erect posture (between that of the Hairy Deathclaw and Western Deathclaw) with a strongly hominid torso, and hands with four fingers and a thumb. We note that the thumb appears somewhat shrunken and less capable than those of the prior Deathclaw species, but that the fingers and claws are relatively evenly developed (barring a shrunken final digit that appears to lack a knuckle), and the largest of any species of Deathclaw so far observed. Feet are digitigrade with three toes and a remnant dewclaw, and the tail is somewhat less muscular but bears segmented osteoderm plating along its length, suggesting weaponization. The horns are spiralled but rise up and over the skull, except in reproductive females where they are rotated backwards. These same females, which may or may not occur only in the Mojave population, possess sharp spines on the tail.
The eggs of the Capitoline Deathclaw are very large - nearly the size of a human torso - and appear to be leathery. They have a characteristic indentation on the pointed top end but are largely blunted. All known examples have born a curious pattern of striations near the indentation, and it is unclear whether this is the result of oviposition or the concretion of the egg's shell.
FIGURE 10: The range of the Capitoline Deathclaw, spanning from the Washington D.C. region to the southern Mojave.
The distribution of the Capitoline Deathclaw is largely limited to the Capital Wasteland, but as with certain other species - most notably radroaches and Centaurs - they are also known in the Mojave. The mechanism of dispersal is unclear, as there is no natural feature ala the Appalachian Range to facilitate post-war selective distribution of Capitoline-centred species to the Mojave or vice versa, and nearby and intervening populations are radically different (e.g. the Eastern or Appalachian Deathclaw surrounds the Capitoline Deathclaw's eastern population, while the Hairy Deathclaw occupies the ecological niche in the Midwest.)
We find the evolution of the Capitoline Deathclaw's foot arrangement worthy of special notice. All three toes bear sharp, mostly evenly developed claws, while the dewclaw is largely vestigial and little more than a lump of skin. This arrangement strongly echoes those of certain extinct theropods, and appears transitional in the genus Homicida towards that of the more pronounced Eastern Deathclaw. The donor source for this trait might be found in the Emu or Cassowary, but this is speculative.
Accordingly, we now nominate the Capitoline Deathclaw as:
Homicida columbiana
Apocoreptilia carnivora apexus
Demonica primitiva terminoludic challengarius
We note that these latter taxa are shared with the Western Deathclaw, as the niche and mythopoetic roles of the Capitoline Deathclaw coincide entirely with this sibling species.
APPALACHIAN DEATHCLAW
FIGURE 11: An artist's impression of a mature 'alpha' Eastern Deathclaw, first described by Pagliarulo et al, 2015. [Mike Lim, 2024.]
We now arrive at what appears to be the dominant Deathclaw species: the Appalachian or Eastern Deathclaw. The physically largest and most robust of all Homicida, the Appalachian species appears to be another beneficiary of the hypothesized Appalachian Corridor, in which the mountains, having been less severely targeted in the Great War, permitted relatively free exchange of species from as far north as Maine down to Alabama. This corridor would explain why numerous species unheard of elsewhere in the Wasteland - even in relative geographical proximity, like the Capitoline Wastes - co-exist in the two studied areas of Boston and West Virginia. They extend across the Ohio into Eastern Ohio, but the extent of their range beyond the river valley is uncertain.
FIGURE 12: The range of the Appalachian or Eastern Deathclaw.
The Eastern Deathclaw may be distinguished from the rest of the Homicida by numerous characteristics, but the most immediately obvious is its extensive array of osteodermic armour plates. Concentrated on the dorsal surface of the Deathclaw, these plates make the Deathclaw extremely difficult to ambush effectively, and are known to withstand repeated strikes from high caliber ammunition. The skull is similarly reinforced with a large median crest and bone plate - potentially analogous to the casque of the Hairy Deathclaw, but less developed and not unlike that of bears and primitive primates - rendering the upper surface a difficult target. The next obvious distinctive feature are the horns, which are by far the most substantial and rugged of any Deathclaw species. The horns bear segmented keratinous plating over the bone, and are extremely well rooted into the skull. The horns continue to grow through life and, over time, become sexually dimorphic - mature males developing longer, forward-facing horns, and mature females spreading out horizontally in a display crest.
(We note that species discoverer Jonah Lobe has suggested these horns are principally used in territorial disputes between Deathclaws, but this has yet to be witnessed. However, we thank Lobe deeply for his contributions. [Lobe, 2026.] (Really, it's worth a watch.))
FIGURE 13: The skull of the Appalachian Deathclaw, and for comparison, the Jackson's Chameleon. [Chameleon skull picture source.]
The species also exhibits a generally 'blunter' head and muzzle than the Capitoline and Western Deathclaws, with very small eyes, a better developed nose structure, and a tendency to 'taste' the air - suggesting a well-developed and functional vomeronasal organ within the muzzle. (Here too we note that Lobe suggests this trait is derived from snakes, though we note with caution that it is a trait common to a great variety of squamates and reptiles.) The Appalachian Deathclaw exhibits the most rudimentary dentition of any Deathclaw - the fangs are short, and while mostly sharp, rely primarily on crushing force. The jaw is duly robust and muscular to apply greater bite force, and the teeth appear to be thecodontic in arrangement rather than acrodontic. The tail is heavily plated and highly muscular, and the spine and shoulders exhibit curious bony protusions and plates (Lobe suggests they are used to regulate body temperature, which the Pedant finds plausible.)
Of course, no analysis of a Deathclaw species may avoid the question of the claws for long. Appalachian Deathclaws have five digits on the hand, unevenly developed. The claw of the middle digit is the largest, while the fifth digit appears to have dropped a knuckle and retains a somewhat vestigial character. The 'thumb' also appears to lack a knuckle, suggesting it is integrated deeper in the hand, preventing true opposability. Curiously, the hands are distinctly pawlike, with prominent digital pads. As with all known Deathclaws, the claws grow directly as part of the ungual phalanx rather than being skin-based as with nails. On the feet, the Deathclaw has three digits with faint traces of a vestigial dewclaw. The two external toes bear short claws, while the internal digit has been adapted for a large sickle claw that most closely resembles that of the Dromaeosaurs - the family of predatory dinosaurs that includes the notorious Deinonychus. This large claw is a lethal weapon, but is secondary to the hands in Deathclaw predation.
The egg of this species, unlike that of other Homicida, are comparatively small and elongated. They lack a strong point on any end, have no indentation, and are strongly calcified. The Temple is split on whether this indicates that the Appalachian Deathclaw is not a member of the Homicida and belongs to a sister genus, but at this time the Lumper faction has won the debate by popular vote on the basis that numerous genera contain equivalent (or even more striking) reproductive diversity - and that there is some circumstantial evidence for hybridization with the Mojave population of H. columbiana.
We note, finally, several assorted but intriguing traits. First, some members of the species are capable of extremely rapid colour shifts. These specimens are known to occur across the range, indicating that this is not a localized subspecies but a trait shared by some but not all Appalachian Deathclaws. This may be, at last, strong evidence of Chameleon genetic influence on the genus Homicida, or at least on this species, though we note with caution that this same property is known among anoles - a member of the Iguania - and a wide variety of oceanic life. Second, the West Virginia population of the species is vulnerable to the Scorched Plague. This is suggestive, as while the role of FEV in the creation of the Deathclaw may be assumed, it appears that they are not effectively 'innoculated' by continued exposure to the virus as the Super Mutants are.
We now proceed to nomination. We note that Lobe has suggested that the Deathclaw be classified as Morte unguibus, and consider this a reasonable suggestion. If at a later date the splitters should revise this, it may be adopted. But at present, we nominate as follows:
Homicida appalachia
Apocoreptilia carnivora apexus
Demonica primitiva jobber
It is the tentative position of the Temple that the Appalachian Deathclaw may represent the 'completed' weapon. It is fast, agile, extremely durable, and highly lethal. It is reasonably cold tolerant, known to favour tight spaces, and crucially, is the earliest observed Deathclaw species. We posit that H. columbiana and H. california may represent selective adaptations of the species to different environmental stresses - in both cases, the loss of extensive osteoderms suggesting that the intensity of violence was either lower or sufficiently high that stealthier, lighter specimens better survived. If this is the case, then the genus Homicida is highly adaptive. However, it is equally plausible that all three populations - and the Midwestern cold-adapted cognate, the Hairy Deathclaw - represent the flowering of different iterations of the Deathclaw program.
There is one final matter to consider before we proceed to two cryptid species: the reported Mojave population of the Eastern Deathclaw, circa 2296-7. This species bears a strong resemblance to H. appalachia, but also has several distinctive traits. They have many more and smaller teeth, an even more rugged build, a fleshier muzzle, and restored dewclaws. The eggs are consistent with H. appalachia. Limited pre-War footage depicts an identical morph of the Deathclaw, further heightening the possibility that H. appalachia, or at least this newly identified population, may represent the original Deathclaw stock. More information is needed to proceed, however.
Curiously, the local people suggest that this subpopulation derives from the Quarry Junction brood - which previously consisted of the Capitoline-Mojave species, H. columbiana. This suggests one of three possibilities:
The locals are simply incorrect, as few were intimately familiar with these Deathclaws due to their highly lethal nature, and this subpopulation is from elsewhere.
The locals are correct, and the Quarry Junction brood has become a brood of H. appalachia - perhaps due either to the extinction of the original, or more troublingly taxonomically, as a result of morphological shifts.
The locals are neither correct nor incorrect, and the population represents a hybrid lineage of H. appalachia and the H. columbiana of Quarry Junction. This may explain the somewhat reduced osteoderms, restored dewclaws, altered dentition and fleshier muzzle. If this is indeed the case, it is strong evidence that H. appalachia should remain within the genus Homicida.
GATORCLAWS
FIGURE 14: An artist's impression of the extinct Gatorclaw, first described by Pagliarulo et al, 2016.
The Gatorclaw is an oddity, but an illustrative one. It is one of the few Deathclaw-like specimens for which we have certain knowledge of its genetic origins. They are the creation of one Dr. McDermot, deceased, using an advanced genetic laboratory with cloning and hybridization capabilities. Dr. McDermot spliced together a number of the 'most dangerous' creatures at his disposal to breed a superior guardian specimen, including A. mississippiensis and T. jacksonii, then augmented these specimens with salvaged FEV from a slain specimen of Homo (robusta) vindicta.
The resulting creature resembles, in its general bodily plan and posture, the Eastern Deathclaw. It is a large, hunched predator with large hands with five digits on the hand and three on the foot, though it lacks the distinctive Deathclaw claws on both hand and foot. It has small eyes, prominent osteoderm plates, and a markedly alligator-like skull. Dentition resembles that of the Appalachian Deathclaw.
This, then, may be the final piece of evidence for the role of T. jacksonii in the composition of Deathclaws. If Dr. McDermot produced a Deathclaw-like creature with no Deathclaw samples, using chameleon DNA, surely it then follows that this result is proof that the chameleon is key to the Homicida! The Pedant remains unconvinced. We note the following:
It is unclear what other species Dr. McDermot had at his disposal, but they included, at minimum, bears, big cats (including lions and tigers), gorillas, African water buffalos, potentially the mutated bloodworm, a variety of snakes (anacondas, death adders, black mambas, and inland taipans included), polar bears, and geckos (dangerous? On their own, no. But we have already observed the results of exposing geckos to FEV and radiation in the prior entry.) Any number of these species may have been incorporated.
The use of a human-derived FEV sample may account for the quasi-hominid body plan - and may suggest that the 'true' root of the often distressingly simian Deathclaw features is a similar exposure.
It appears plausible that the Appalachian Deathclaw's genome includes information derived from crocodilians, particularly in the formation of its osteoderms. More features remain in common with the crocodilian than the chameleon in both specimens.
However, the Pedant concedes that it is possible that the end result of exposing Chameleon-derived genetics to FEV is the base Deathclaw body plan.
We note also the existence of a similar mutant in apocryphal reports from the Mississipi river valley. Like the Gatorclaw, this mutant alligator bore a markedly crocodilian skull arrangement joined with a semi-hominid bodily plan, without the signature claws of the Deathclaw. If this apocryphal species indeed exists, it may be further evidence that the combination of radiation, FEV, and crocodilian genetics results in Gatorclaw like specimens organically.
FIGURE 15: An artist's impression of the apocryphal Mutant Alligator. [Tariq Raheem, 2001.]
Turning to nomination, the Gatorclaw is not known to reproduce and all known specimens are clones. Accordingly, we do not consider it to meet the necessary two-of-three limbs of the speciation test, and reject nomination. The Gatorclaw does not constitute a distinct species or subspecies. If the mutant alligator is discovered and verified, we may revise this decision.
SHEEPSQUATCH
FIGURE 16: An artist's impression of the Sheepsquatch, first described by Gardiner et al 2019. [Chris Ortega, c. 2018]
The Sheepsquatch is not, the Pedant submits, a Deathclaw. Nonetheless, we have felt compelled to examine this cryptid - not to be confused with the apocryphal cryptids above - of Appalachia due to its convergent traits with the Hairy Deathclaw. The Sheepsquatch of Appalachia was a hunched, bipedal predator with four digits on each hand and cloven hooves, fur, a distinctly caprine skull and horns (spiralling, large, and ram-like), slit rectangular horizontal pupils, and bizarre hedgehog like quills. The hair is wild, sparse, and patchy - though most specimens appear to suffer from disease or skin irritation. Like sheep, they are artiodactyl, with a dewclaw. There is no bipedal thumb, and reproduction is unknown.
The existence of two creatures, both seemingly related to bovidae, in the Wasteland is curious. That both have no known origin, no known causative agent, and traits that are clearly not derived from their parent species is even more curious. The Pedant has no concrete explanation for either, but believes the presence of Sheepsquatch specimens in genetic engineering laboratories may indicate that both are the end product of attempts at deliberate engineering or incidental contamination of engineering programs. If this is the case, they, like the mutant alligator, may represent convergent evolutionary paths - and suggest that similar mutants may be expected in other areas.
We note also the presence of quills. They resemble those of the porcupine, common in Appalachia - but their patterning more closely resembles those of African porcupines! They are detachable, as with the porcupines, rather than permanently affixed as with the Echidna. However, we again note the curious appearance of a shared trait between a species of monotreme and a Deathclaw-adjacent mutant.
We do not, at this time, nominate the Sheepsquatch. With no reproductive information or certainty as to stability, the Pedant believes it would be premature to do so. This may be revised at a later date.
CONCLUDING REMARKS
The Temple is pleased to reach the end of this difficult journey. Chimeric species are difficult to taxonomize adequately, and we have attempted to resolve this difficulty by placing them in divergent Families. Strict cladistic taxonomy has not proven possible due to the lack of concrete evidence (but would, we submit, not be terribly difficult with it) of genetic sources. But what has emerged, finally, is a pair of workable definitions of a Deathclaw.
The first is the descriptive definition for a Deathclaw properly so-called:
A four-limbed reptilian creature that reproduces by laying eggs, has two large horns on the skull, large claws on the hands and/or feet, a strong tail, resilient hide, and small eyes. Largely carnivorous, territorial, and intelligent. A Deathclaw walks with a digitigrade gait and may or may not also walk on its knuckles.
The second is the functional definition utilized by Wastelanders:
A large, digitigrade bipedal predator (at least the size of a man) that kills with large claws, has a tail, and lays eggs.
Both definitions are useful. The former is appropriate for Temple work, while the second permits us to understand, at a glance, what is being described to us during field work. Anthropological study of the diffusion of the term 'Deathclaw' - originally believed to flow from West to East in the 2200s but now known to have been in use in Appalachia as early as c. 2103 - may prove valuable.
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