FluffehLeafeh

People care about me. I'm yet to work out why.

[iwanttobelovedplease]

Why is it so fucking loud in my head

[babydoll-4444]

[youaremyiris]

sometimes i wonder if i'll ever enjoy being alive

[riotd]

do you ever get the irresistible urge to bash your head against a brick wall

[zarathustra-would-be-proud]

[guitarplayermrs]

[goddteeth]

i will never leave this house

[zarathustra-would-be-proud]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[madpunks]

poor memory is a huge deal and i wish people wouldn't diminish it by saying "oh yeah i can't remember what i had for breakfast lol."

i can't remember the first 10 years of my life. i can't remember entire days, weeks, months at a time. i can't remember entire people, i can't remember names or faces. i can't remember when things are scheduled for, my calendar app on my phone is booked to the max with reminders and task checklists. i can't remember when i moved into what home when, i can't remember important milestone dates like when i got or lost certain jobs, or when i started a new hobby.

that's what i mean when i say i have poor memory. poor memory is so scary for the person who has it. it's not a quirky thing, everyone forgets small details. memory problems are scary because you can go through entire events or days with no memory, or plan for things in the future that you can't recall ever even looking into or scheduling. it's not a funny haha kind of thing, it's serious, and it affects a lot of people in very unavoidable ways.

not being able to plan for appointments or work schedules, not being able to remember people's names or faces, not being able to recall whether or not you were present for something or whether or not you met someone, not being able to keep track of what's happening on what dates and losing track of items because you can't remember where you put them are all very real problems, and anyone dealing with them deserves to be taken seriously, and not diminished when they choose to speak up about it.

[jaesig]

Can we please make "I'm depressed" a valid reason to out-of-the-blue fall off the face of the earth?

I'm not busy.

I'm not tired.

My plate isn't full.

I'm not swamped with work.

I don't have a cold or flu.

I'm not laying awake at night. (But I am sleepy throughout the day.)

Nothing tragic or traumatic has happened.

I nor anyone I know or work with is going through anything.

You didn't do or say anything wrong.

But I'm not sad, either. I'm not homesick or in mourning. I'm not angry at anyone or anything.

Nothing is wrong...

I just woke up and suddenly being alive sucked, eating became a dumb idea and nothing mattered. I canceled training for the next two weeks, making up a lie, saying I'd be out of town on business.

And I have no other explanation for that, but I don't [can't] say anything because the word "depression" might as well be "itchy" to some people.

"Here, have a mango. You like mangos, right? This should cheer you up!" But I'm not sad.

"Just think happy things!" But I'm not sad.

"Did something happen? You know you can always talk to me!" About what? I'm not sad.

It'll go away just as it came: on its own.

How long it'll stay in my system this time is anyone's guess.

[only-knives]

chronic fatigue from mental illness and neurodivergency isn't something you can just will your way out of. your nervous system is part of your body. your brain is an organ. the fatigue is real. you're not lazy. so be kinder to yourself. be gentler with your bodymind.

[the-suicide-effect]

[madpunks]

we are so ableist about memory. people with good memory take for granted the fact that they can recall as much as they can, and use that to taunt, guilt and threaten people with memory issues. many neurotypes and mental illnesses cause memory lapses. traumatic brain injuries can cause memory lapses. brain cancer can cause memory lapses.

even if your memory is good, it's not right to guilt someone because they can't remember something. trust me, people with memory problems are desperately trying to remember: it's just that we literally can't. it is a very literal "i can't remember".

[sa-dnesss]

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

[hellishbpd]

this emptiness is consuming me

it will continue to consume me, until there is nothing left inside of me