“You married Taehyung because of an arrangement between the court and your family. While the connection might seem political at first, it is very far from that. Mutual love, adoration and scorching passion make up the foundation of your union, lots of laughter and quiet nights fill everyday life. Your pleasure is of greatest importance to him, his happiness your most desirable goal. One hot summer’s day, you decide that he deserves to feel just as good as he always makes you feel, and so you ride him in your doctor’s office.”
Pairing: Army General!Taehyung x Royal Healer!Reader
Warnings: subbish!Taehyung, Domish!Reader, she is feeling herself and Taehyung is into it, kneeling & puppy eyes, first time they're doing it in cowgirl, making out, neck kisses, body worship, nipple play & licking, penetrative vaginal sex, unprotected sex 'cause historical, definite muscle kink, buff!Taehyung, sweaty!Taehyung, semi-public sex, praise & good boy kink, dirty talk, creampies, giggly aftercare
Worcount: 6.2k | Minors DNI you will be blocked & reported
a/n: y'all hopefully didn't think you've seen the last of general!tae because ya didn't LORD writing this story was a need, i'm being so serious i needed to fictionally ride him like a bull otherwise i'd have imploded. look forward to more stories with him besties 🤍 and ah! leave some comments hihihih <3
“Lady ___, what brings you here?” the owner of Moonbar asks you, surprised to see you in his establishment outside the normal opening hours.
People are cleaning around you and merchants carry in their deliveries. You are aware that you are currently not welcome here, but you have a very important reason for your visit.
“Good day. Is Lady Inna setting up already?” you ask him.
“Yes, she is.”
“Can I perhaps see her for a moment? I need to speak with her. I will even pay.”
“I shall ask. Please wait here.”
You wait by the bar, trying not to stand in the way of anyone working. Your heart is pounding. This is definitely not comfortable for you, but you must be brave. If you hadn’t been brave back then, you never would have found out how amazing life can be. You got to learn companionship, a wonderful husband and amazing sex. Such amazing sex, the kind which makes you change your stance in public when you think of it for too long.
“Lady Inna is willing to see you”, the owner’s voice rips you back to reality, reminding you not to fantasise about your husband naked and pleasured.
“Oh! Yes, thank you.”
You hurry to the back, hoping that nobody can see you. You feel less shame around your needs these days, but you still have a reputation to up hold. You would rather not be seen seeking sex advice.
Back to the sex. It is amazing. Taehyung has you regularly arching your back. He is such an attentive listener, always brimming with passion, and he takes your pleasure very seriously. To top it all off, he is the most amazing, most wonderful and sweetest husband outside the bedroom. He makes you laugh, he listens, he is kind and he loves hugs. You also love hugs. And you love him. So much.
So much in fact that you want to make him just as happy as he makes you.
“Good day, Lady Inna.”
“Good day, Lady ___. What a surprise it is to see you.”
Lady Inna does not wear her signature up-do yet, combing her long hair. She is not wearing any make-up either, looking a lot younger without it. Her rope is a bright pink and slightly out of fashion.
“I hope that I am not disturbing you”, you say, closing the door behind you.
“You aren’t. I hope you do not mind my appearance. I haven’t put on powder yet.”
“You are beautiful, Lady Inna.”
“Oh? Oh my, thank you.” She giggles and turns to you fully. “What can I do for you?”
Nervous, you sit down in front of her.
“I don’t know how to say it”, you confess.
“Perhaps I can guess it.”
“Go ahead.”
“You have troubles in your marriage and you need my advice.”
“Ah, no. The very opposite, actually. We get along well and I want to surprise my husband, which is why I need your advice because I do not know how to do it.”
“Tell me.”
“It embarrasses me to talk this way, but uhm…Lady Inna, I wish to learn how to ride my husband.”
Unlike you expected, she does not seem even the slightest bit baffled by your confession. She hums in understanding and nods her head.
“He must be a great husband if you are willing to do something for him.”
“He is. He is so wonderful.”
“Your husband is General Kim, yes?”
Your face heats up and a giddy smile tugs on your lips.
“He is”, you sigh dreamily.
“Mhhm, a handsome man. Strong as well.”
“Really strong. It makes me hot just thinking about it.” You fluster. “Forgive me, that was improper.”
“Nothing you could say is improper. I earn my money telling stories of passion, my dear.”
“That is true now that you mention it.”
She snickers, nodding her head. She is not in the slightest bit ashamed of her profession and she shouldn’t be. Now that you know how fun passion can be, you admire what she does for the women who perhaps do not have good sex in their lives. You could not imagine such a life for yourself and you feel really bad for any wife who does not get pleasured properly.
“Before I can teach you, I must know a few things. Have you ever been on top?” Lady Inna asks, flustering you. She notices, reaching out to calm you. “There is no judgement here. You can talk freely with me.”
“No, uhm, I haven’t been on top. Ever.”
“I see. Have you been on a horse before?”
“What? Why would I do that with a horse???”
“No gods, not like this. Have you ever ridden a horse the normal way?”
“Ah. This makes more sense. Yes, I have.”
“I see. Very good, then I know what to work with. Lie down.”
“Huh?”
“Lie down.”
You follow her order, albeit very confused. You get comfortable on the floor, head propped on a pillow. Lady Inna gathers her dress so that her legs are free then does the unthinkable thing of climbing your lap.
“Wait! What?!” you gasp, sitting up straight.
She puts her hands on your shoulders and pushes you back down. It knocks the air out of you, her weight on you is burning hot.
“First rule: it is terribly arousing for some men when you pin them down”, she says, running her hands along your arms. “Most are very proud of their muscles, so praise his strength as you touch him.”
She grabs your hands and puts them on her hips, lighting up your cheeks in giddiness. She is very soft.
“He will go mad if you do this.”
She begins to move on top of you, hands covering yours and eyes locked onto your face. You do not dare to breathe. Her hair falls so alluringly, her hips are so active between your hands.
“Can you feel how I move my hips back and forth?” she asks.
“Y-yes.”
“This movement is very pleasurable for you, and gives him a moment to breathe. Use it to guide his hands over your body.”
She shows you. You have never in your life felt a woman’s body as intimately as hers and you are a healer. She even makes you cup her breasts, which are very soft. Gods, you are burning up.
She drops your hands to her hips again.
“If you want to make the pleasure about him, you have to bounce on him up and down like this.”
She places her hands on your shoulders for balance and begins bouncing on your lap. You could take your hands off her hips, but you don’t, gawking at her with parted lips.
“You can control the depth in which he enters you and the speed. Another way to ride him is to bend back.”
She arches her back and puts her hands on your shins. She is more on her knees this way, exposing herself. If she was naked, you would have perfect view of her… This is too sinful to put into words. Oh, you are burning up hot.
“He can touch you this way and because you have to tense to support yourself, you are tighter.”
“O-okay.”
She straightens up again, placing her hands on each side of your head. Her hair falls loosely, framing your face. It smells sweetly floral.
“Look into his eyes, kiss him and his neck. Some men like their nipples to be touched. And most importantly, remember to switch it up if you want him to last long. Men tend to be very eager when a woman rides them.”
“Alright”, you whisper, feeling short of breath.
She smiles, “good. Now let us switch places and let me see how you move.”
It is needless to say that you leave Moonbar embarrassingly damp at the very least, properly soaked at the most. This was the most interesting, yet also highly confusing situation you have ever found yourself in. Lady Inna is truly a woman like no other.
Compromised and struggling to walk, you seek out Taehyung once you are back at the palace. He is on the training grounds, wearing nothing more than loose pants and a linen shirt. His arms are exposed, glistening in the sunlight and his hair is tied up loosely. Gods, this man is going to kill you.
He is currently lost in his training, eyes closed in concentration. With the way Lady Inna riled you up, you wish to be the sweat pearls sitting on his face.
“Mistress, hello”, Jimin greets you with a bow. He is equally as sweaty and loosely clothed. His long hair is tied back in four braids.
“Hello, general.”
Taehyung opens his eyes, gaze softening instantly. He drops the weights. The veins in his arms are bulging all the way up to his shoulders because of working his muscles. You will faint if he continues to exist.
“Beloved. What a surprise. You never visit these grounds.” He furrows. “Wait. You never visit these grounds. What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
You close the distance to him, pulling him down so you can whisper into his ear. You put your hands on his upper arms unapologetically, considering for a very short moment whether you should lick his ear. Yes, you are very hungry for him.
“I’m aroused. Do you have time?” you whisper, squeezing his arms.
Taehyung steps back, eyes widened. You have never been this bold before.
“Woah. Really?”
You nod your head, staring at his lips and craving the taste of his kiss.
“What’s the matter?” Jimin asks.
“She uh, we uhm.”
“It’s embarrassing, but a very heavy patient fell in my office and I cannot lift him without Taehyung’s help. Please don’t tell anyone, it’s embarrassing.”
“Oh dear, do you need a third pair of hands? I can help.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. If Taehyung has time to help?”
“I do. Oh, you bet I do. Where did you say he was? Your office?”
“Yes, my office.” You grab his hand. “It is urgent so we should hurry.”
“Of course.”
You tug him with you. Jimin lifts his hand in a wave.
“Good luck! Call for me if you need me!”
“We will not call for him, will we?” Taehyung asks you in a whisper.
“Obviously not.”
You pull Taehyung into the office and lock the door.
“Windows.”
“Wait. Here? But I thought you said that you did not want it here in case of patients.”
“I cannot last till home. I need you right now. Close the windows.”
“Alright, wow.”
Taehyung hurries to them to follow your orders obediently. The paper screens let in the sunlight, painting the room in a warm, yellow light. He turns and startles because you are right in front of him. Craze reflects in your eyes like a feral animal, making him gulp.
“We have to be quiet”, you say.
“Okay.”
“Undress me.”
Your orders are clear and urgent. Taehyung obeys happily, albeit very confused. You have never been so boldly aroused before. At least not in public and definitely not with such dominant tones in your voice.
Because it is almost summer, you do not wear as many layers and undressing you is easier than in winter. He unlaces your jacket and helps you take off your pants. Your underwear gets discarded quickly because you joined his hands halfway through it as you could not wait any longer.
Nude and heated up, you face him. This is unbelievable to him. You, fully naked in a semi-public place. He swears that it makes him dizzy.
“Kiss me”, you order, grasping the back of his neck.
“I love your behaviour”, Taehyung says and gladly kisses you.
You moan, pressing yourself against him as close as possible. His body is so hot, increasing the fire in your stomach and the hunger of your touches.
Taehyung has a difficult time matching your rhythm today, swaying slightly because you keep pulling him closer and closer and closer. He finds balance on your butt, eliciting a needy moan from you. Your hips tilt into his touch, your hands glide down his neck and arms.
“Touch me, yes touch me”, you feed him the words, moaning with every new inch he explores.
His muscles are so hard, his skin is glistening. He makes you so fucking wet. You shove your tongue between his lips, allowing him to suck on it rather desperately. His right hand disappears between your legs, fingers parting your folds. You purr, chasing his touch with needy hips. The kiss breaks as a consequence. He did it because he needed to look at you.
“You are soaked. What the fuck happened?”
“I’ll tell you later. Get naked. I’ll do the pants.”
“I really love your attitude.”
Together, you undress him and soon he matches the state of you. The sunlight kisses your bared bodies, warming your skins and illuminating the paths of you. Sunlight on your naked bodies. What a wonderful kind of intimacy to share.
You cannot stop staring, biting your lip.
He is sporting a semi. Thick, bulging veins on his stomach lead your eyes to it. You really have to fuck him more often after a workout. He is so sexy.
Taehyung closes the distance and leans in for a kiss but you stop him.
“Get on the floor.”
“You are really different today. What did you do?” he asks, obeying your orders.
He kneels, palms facing up and eyes like that of a good puppy. His cock grows with each second, a subtle flush lies itself over his skin.
“Just something.”
“Something? Care to enlighten me?”
“Yes. Change positions. Sit.”
Taehyung obeys, looking up at you afterwards. Again, his puppy eyes are to die for. You simply have to reach down and pet his head. He smiles, tilting his head so you can pet him a lot better.
“You listen so well”, you praise, watching his cock twitch in response. Of course he would like that. He is such a lover for praise.
You lower yourself and run your hand to his arm. He inspects it, then your face, brow cocked in question. You let your body do the explaining. With your hand still on his arm, you climb his lap. Taehyung watches, breathing quickening more and more. Your bare cunt is pressing against his naked thigh. You are seriously so soaked, marking him with it.
Tingles run along his spine when you dance your hands down his arms. His neck gets touched as well, his chest next. Taehyung swears that he feels on fire when you explore him this way. The flames flicker when your hands disappear to his stomach and connect with his sensitive skin.
“Such a strong man. So muscular.”
He is heated up, abs tensing as you drag your hands up his torso. Tingles follow, more and more of his body gets covered in goosebumps.
You meet his eyes, talking to him in a sultry voice.
“I want you.”
Taehyung’s breath trembles, eyelids fluttering as he fights his emotions. Only you can manage to arouse him and fluster him at the same time.
You touch him more. His face, because he is beautiful. Taehyung exhales shakily, leaning into your palms. Your kiss on his forehead forces him to squeeze his eyes shut and whimper just a little. You are suddenly so soft with him, it weakens him so much. With a gentle tilt, you have him looking up at you.
Your adoration reflects in his lovedrunk puppy eyes, he is struggling not to absolutely crumble in your hands.
You kiss him. An actual whimper leaves him, his arms close around you tightly. Of course they do. Taehyung could survive in your arms if you let him. He told you so before. His eagerness is no surprise to you so you know exactly how to rein him back.
You let go of his face and push your elbows out, forcing his arms to open this way. The kiss breaks despite his mewl.
“Slow”, you whisper, giving him your hands to hold.
“Slow”, he breathes, nodding his head obediently.
“Good boy.”
You reward him with a chaste kiss, guiding his hands to his sides. He obeys even if it is difficult. Your behaviour is untypical. He cannot predict your actions. The unpredictability should scare him, but it doesn’t. Not with you.
Happy with his obedience, you dance your left hand to his chest. You cradle the back of his head with your other hand and with a firm push, you have him down on the floor.
Taehyung collides in an audible grunt, mouth falling open and eyes widening. His hair is messy, spreading on the bamboo mat. His cheeks flush a soft red.
“What are you doing?” he chokes out.
“You’ll see”, you say and connect your lips with his neck, hands dancing to his arms and shoulders. His taste is intoxicating, his smell alluring.
He inhales sharply, back arching off the floor and pulse fluttering. This goes down as the most amazing sensation ever. Taehyung feels as if he is floating above the clouds. This is the first time he is on his back with you on top of him. Just as it is the first time that you actively pin him down. This isn’t you. At least it shouldn’t be, so why do your movements feel so goddamn natural? You know exactly where to place your lips to make it heavenly or where to put your hands to render him useless. Taehyung swears that when you lift your head again after marking up both sides of his neck, he is dazed.
He can’t even kiss you back properly when you initiate, mewling and licking into your mouth more than he kisses.
“Mhhm, beloved”, you purr, tugging on his lower lip before kissing down his neck and chest.
You set your tongue on his salty skin and lick the sweat right off his nipple. This is heavenly, making Taehyung gasp and tense his pecs.
“You taste so good”, you growl and bite into him. Hard.
“Mistress”, Taehyung gasps in response, bucking his hips. His nipple throbs, skin burning in desire.
“Mhhm so delicious”, you lull, licking him in thick, languid strokes. Again, all of this highly untypical of you.
“A-ah, wow.”
“Mhhm, I know. Such a perfect nipple”, you say and bite into it.
Again, you never talked like this before. Let alone bit him. Taehyung swears that he can feel his heart beat in his cock. He is so hard for you. And whiney. And needy. And wet.
“Mistress, please”, he begs, writhing under you.
You sit up with your hands on his chest and arch your back so your butt sticks out, smiling down at him and fingers playing with his nipples.
“Please what?”
“Can I fuck you?”
“No.” You stub his nose. “No, I do the fucking today.”
“Huuuh???”
Taehyung looks up at you like a starstruck, eternally loyal puppy. So endearing that you would coo at him if you both weren’t so fucking wet in arousal. Cooing can wait.
You lift yourself off his lap to position yourself over his cock and wrap your hand around it, holding it in place. He is so erect, pulse throbbing under your touch.
“Get it?” you ask, rubbing yourself against him. So wet. So messy. So hot.
“Yes.” He mewls and begs with his eyes. “Yes, please. Please, please.” Okay, maybe he also begs with his mouth. He cannot help it. You have him a mess.
“How much do you want it?” you ask, giving him glimpses of heaven each time you grind your soft folds along his tip.
“So much. Please.”
“So much…this is a lot”, you coo and finally lower yourself on him.
He can’t look away, heart close to giving out and head dizzy. You sink him into your warm heaven, he does not want to miss out on anything.
“Slipped right in”, you purr, clenching around him to get the point across. Just for a second, he should get desperate for more.
Taehyung keens, biting his lip afterwards. His toes curl and you haven’t even taken him in completely.
You let go of his cock when you are halfway down, placing both of your hands on his chest. Feeling him fill you will never lose its spark. This is such a new way, which makes it as good as it does. Especially the bottoming out part. Fuck, this has you flying on clouds.
Taehyung grabs your thighs and squeezes. The pressure increases when you lift yourself again only to drop a second later. You fall into a pattern this way: with your hands on his chest and his hands on your thighs. It is a slow rhythm, calculated and meant to build tension. Just as Lady Inna taught you. Make him want more.
You stay quiet for the time being, listening to his ever-changing breathing. He is staring so intensely, mouth changing between hanging agape and pressing closed. His mind must currently be scrambled. You know that you have never done this before, so this must be a complete shock to him. Judging by how hard he is, it is good for him though.
Gods, his heart is beating so fast. How much quicker can he breathe without making a sound? Is he holding back?
You lift your hips and clench, dropping down on him this way.
“A-ah”, Taehyung lets out and throws his hands over his mouth, eyes rolling back as they close. There he is. That is what you wanted.
You repeat the movement. Up, clench, down.
He moans behind his hands, face tensing for a second before absolute bliss relaxes it again.
Up, clench, down.
You swear that his voice trembles as he moans.
Up, clench, down. Circle your hips a little.
Taehyung groans, brows furrowing. They stay this way. Tense and scrunched because you have him showing you his truest face. If only he wasn’t covering so much of it…
Thankfully you know just what to do. You take his wrists and drag his hands away. His eyes open, he is confused, letting you mould him to your wishes.
“Don’t cover your face, darling. Let me look at you.”
You press his hand into the floor on each side of his head, keeping them down by grabbing his wrists. It angles you differently, tightening you naturally and making him go deeper.
His once throaty moans pitch, equalling mewls. You swear that you can watch tears form in his eyes.
“My beautiful husband. I love your face”, you whisper, hips showing him how much you appreciate him.
You pick up speed just as Lady Inna taught you. First work him up then make him see stars. That is what she told you to do, and you are more than willing to put it to the test.
Your name leaves him in a whimper. His eyes close halfway and roll back. This might very well be the most sinful he has ever looked, and you finally get it. You get what he means when he says that you look beautiful when you are in pleasure. You never really believed him, always wondering how you could possibly look good when you are making all these weird faces.
But you get it. You finally get it. This isn’t weird. This is heavenly.
Seeing Taehyung absolutely blissed out changes you as a person.
“Holy fuck, you’re so beautiful”, you press out and lace fingers with him, dragging them up the mat as you drop down for kisses. They are pinned in place above his head, squeezing you back as you kiss his neck sloppily.
He cannot do much more than moan and mewl, everything else is under your spell. He is so much stronger than you, but right now you stole him of any sort of strength.
“You feel so good, Tae”, you moan against his neck, biting it gently afterwards. Over and over again, giving him moments of relaxation where you kiss and adore. If this continues, Taehyung will explode. He swears that it is building up to immeasurable levels.
You guide your kisses to his lips, sighing when his lips try to match your needy rhythm. Although, he does more moaning and whimpering than he does kissing. You don’t mind. It’s beyond endearing. And hot. So hot. You want to taste every one of his sounds. But Taehyung is eager. Too eager.
He thrusts his hips and reminds you of his cock inside you.
You squeak, shooting up.
“No. No moving”, you gasp, “I, I have so much more rehearsed.”
“You rehearsed?” he breathes out.
“Yeah.”
“How?”
You don’t answer him, instead you sit up and get into position so you are on your knees. You put your hands on his thighs and begin your well-practiced dance.
“Fuck”, Taehyung yelps, arching his back. Skin slaps against skin, your connection sounds wet and creamy. He grasps your hips first before his big hands settle on your waist instead. He squeezes you so much that he brings it in a little. The touch is like fire.
“Please don’t slow down”, he begs.
You couldn’t. Your muscles are going to shake so much afterwards, but in this very moment you exist for pleasuring him. In this intimate moment you exist for riding him senseless. Nothing could tire you.
You roll your head back, parting your lips.
“Taehyung”, you moan, writing his name against your g-spot one bounce at a time.
Taehyung finds it difficult to stay present. You move as if you have always done this. He has never been ridden this well before. He swears that he lost all feeling in his legs and that the knot in his stomach has never felt so fiery before.
He is losing himself in you. If you hadn’t fucked him into a non-verbal, moaning mess he would declare his everlasting love for you with every bounce.
But alas he is doomed to moan and whine and whimper, wetting his temples with tears.
“I love your cock, Tae. Holy fuck this is amazing.”
Your words do not make it easier to bear. Taehyung feels new flames flicker in his tummy whenever you speak.
He drags his hands to your chest, cupping your breasts. They are so soft in comparison to your pleasure-swollen nipples. He kneads and massages them, needing it to remind himself that he was not going to pass out.
“O-oh. Tae.”
He will never tire of this nickname. He can’t look, feeling you up blindly. So soft. Your nipples are hard in contrast. He plays with them, growing dizzy because his touch makes you tighter.
“___”, he moans because it is the only word he can still manage to say. If you keep bouncing on him in such a rhythm, he will burst. It is like you are jerking him off. Expect that it is a thousand times better, wetter and hotter. And softer. So soft. Oh, your pussy is so soft. Fuck, now he is focusing on how soft you are.
Taehyung whimpers, dropping his hands to your hips to stop their movements.
“Not yet, please. Not yet.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I‘m so close, please slow down”, he is whining, working oh so hard to keep you still.
Your tummy tingles pleasurably, your heart skips a giddy beat. You are making him feel that good. You didn‘t think that this would be possible, after all this is your first time on top of him and there is definitely still room for improvement.
Your instinct is to hide in him and giggle, but you are feeling kind of powerful right now. Powerful and desperate to make him whine.
“Didn’t you tell me not to slow down moments ago?”
Taehyung peels his eyes open, shock lacing his drunken gaze. Your teasing comment was unexpected, entirely scrambling his brain.
You snicker and caress his cheek, shifting on top of him so the penetration is slightly changed again.
“Make up your mind, darling husband”, you coo, rolling your hips back and forth. He is still buried deep inside you, getting hugged by your warm walls.
“What the fuck is happening today?” Taehyung mewls.
“I am feeling like it”, you lower yourself, hands pushing his arms above his head again and breasts squeezing against his chest. Your feet press to the side of his thighs this way, your soft cunt is so tight around him.
“Who are you?” he whispers, staring into your darkened, sultry eyes.
“Your wife”, you coo and kiss his neck. You made him so sensitive and sore with your earlier bites that Taehyung’s only way to handle it is by bending his knees and pressing his feet into the ground. He almost throws you off him, resulting in you squeezing down on him and lifting your lips.
“No.” You slap his chest very softly. “Bad boy. Don’t be a bad boy.”
He drops his knees, eyes filling with tears.
“It’s so difficult to stay still. I’m so sensitive”, he whines, writhing on the floor.
“Try to. Doctor’s orders.”
He gasps, eyes widening.
“You are insane.”
“You tempted me”, you coo and kiss his lips before straightening back up.
You get to your knees properly and pick up the fast rhythm of before. One hand is on his stomach, feeling him up and enjoying his twitches. The other hand is on his knee, keeping it down and supporting yourself. Lady Inna spoke of riding horses and, well, the only thing you are riding today is your husband. And oh you are galloping right now, movements precise and greedy. You are reaching your limit, both physically and as far as your own high is concerned. Your muscles shake each time you lift yourself, your legs tremble whenever you take him back inside and he presses to your sensitive spots.
“Yes Tae, yes. I fucking love this. Your cock’s amazing. So fucking amazing.”
But you cannot stop. Ignore the fatigue, focus on the pleasure. You want to continue until your cunt knows his cock by heart. Or inch by inch in her case.
Gods, you really love having him inside, giving him a good show of it as well. So wet and creamy.
“Holy fuck, holy fuck, ho-holy fuck”, Taehyung is barely breathing, using what little air he has to voice his shock.
“Yeah… so good, your cock’s so fucking good”, you agree, arching your back sensually.
Your breasts bounce, your stomach tenses and your face is glowing in pleasure. The sunlight bounces off your skin and hair, sweat glistens in the crevices. Your cunt is sinful in comparison. Stuffed to the brim with cock, lips swollen and stretched, and juices smearing all over his length.
“Mistress, holy fuck.”
“Good boy. Good boy with the best cock”, you lull, entirely sex drunk and blissed out.
You are insane. A temptress. The very goddess of sex having come down to make his life a pleasurable heaven.
Taehyung throws his arm over his mouth and bites into it. These walls are way too thin. He cannot scream.
He remembers when you made him promise to never ever seduce him in your office. Where did this version of you go? Why can’t you be more like her? Because Taehyung is losing himself. It is building up rapidly and aggressively.
He reaches for your waist, biting down harder at the feeling of you. It is going to happen and it will happen regardless of whether you slow down again or not. He cannot drag it out any longer.
You know that it will happen. You have never seen him bite his own arm before. His muscles are tense, his veins are bulging and his big hand is balled to a fist.
“Do you have to, beloved?”
He nods his head, squeezing your waist.
His cheeks are squished up, flushed and glistening. His eyes are barely there because he squeezes them shut so tightly.
Curious, you lean slightly forward and play with his nipples.
Taehyung squeaks and arches his back. He drops his arm, head rolling to the side so he can lick his own skin. His muscles are bulging, his tongue is so pink in comparison to his honey skin. His pits are exposed like this. All natural and masculine. What a fucking view. This is changing you.
“You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”
You want to get him there. Watching his orgasm is the one thing you need to reach your own. You massage and pinch his nipples, tightening around him because you are getting very close yourself.
“Holding out for so long, I’m so proud of you.”
“Mistress please.”
“Don’t stop on my account. Be a good boy.”
Taehyung swears that he blacks out for a second. He takes your left hand and presses it over his mouth, muffling the uncontrollable yelp you force out of him. His thick, hot orgasm shoots up into you. His cock throbs and twitches.
“Good boy, such a good boy. Give me your pinnacle”, you encourage him.
Lead by only one thing, pleasure, Taehyung thrusts up. Hard and rough.
“Beloved, now”, you whimper, dropping your head as your own high hits you. You love sex with him so much.
“Kiss me please”, he drags you down, rutting up into you as you orgasm around him. The kisses you share are sloppy and wet.
You could do this forever.
But alas a human orgasm only lasts this long and your muscles finally give up on you afterwards.
“Ah shit.”
You drop onto him, lying on him in frog position. Your face is pressed to his neck, your heart beats just as quickly as his’.
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” He hugs you. “What the fuck?”
This was better than you imagined it. You feel high, drunk and soaked in endorphins.
And also, very tired, spent and sore. Your hips are starting to cramp up.
“I am going to cramp.” You sit up and attempt to climb off his legs. You squeeze his orgasm out of you accidentally, knees shaking so much that you collide with the floor rather clumsily.
“Shit, fuck. Sorry. Ouch.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yes. Just made a mess. O-oh no my legs are weak, I cannot get up.”
Taehyung laughs breathily, throwing his arm over his eyes.
“Fuck.” He smiles so bright. “You’re seriously insane.”
You snicker and settle on your elbow, facing him sideways. You love him so much.
“I don’t think I can walk in the near future.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
You rub his stomach, making him drop his arm and look at you. You wipe his past tears, grinning at him proudly.
“What the fuck did you do this for?” he asks.
“Just so. Why?”
“I wanted to scream.”
“Oh? Wow, I had hoped that you would. I’m happy.”
“I’m not, I’m in shock.”
You snicker, “was it really this good?”
“Yes. Where did you learn to move like this?” he asks, barely keeping his eyes open. If he was any less obsessed with your face, he would have already closed them. But alas he does not want to miss out on anything.
“I went to Lady Inna and she showed me.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because I asked her to.”
“Why??”
“Because you always make me feel so good and I wanted to return the favour.”
“Oh.” His face becomes beet red.
The view makes you laugh and cradle his face so you can kiss it everywhere.
“You are adorable. Do I fluster you, beloved?”
“Yeah, so much”, he sighs, heart beating in his giddy chest. He loves being adored. “And you arouse me like no other.”
Your gaze softens, “yeah? What did you like the most?”
“Apart from everything? When you leaned back and arched your back.”
“Lady Inna said that you would like that.” You kiss his shoulder, draping your arm across his chest. “When I ride you again, you could try playing with my clit.”
“Hot. You are so hot. Oh gods, you’re going to make me want to go again.”
You laugh and kiss him.
“Your hunger must wait. If I used my legs right now, they would fall off. Look.” You show him how they shake with the slightest movement.
“You are going to be so sore tomorrow.”
“Most definitely, but it was worth it. I had so much fun.”
“Me too.” He rolls to his side, resting his head on his hand. “I’m so happy that you are so comfortable with sex these days.”
You lie down, facing him in the same position.
“Me too. I feel so free when I’m with you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“But also you have to be less free. What you did right now should be illegal. Wow”, he jokes and pretends to faint, making you laugh loudly.
“Never. You created a monster that is insatiable, so feed me”, you say and snuggle into him, burying him halfway under you
Which is perfectly fine for him. Taehyung is exactly where he wants to be.
“And there is nothing I can do to still the hunger?”
“Nothing. Especially looking like this, you royal banquet you”, you say and bite him playfully.
Taehyung giggles, heart bursting in his chest. He loves being adored.
Pairing: Army General!Taehyung x Royal Healer!Reader
Genre: Smut, some Fluff
Warnings: excited!Reader who is ready to sin, soft!Taehyung, service Dom!Taehyung, sub!Reader, loss of virginity (f.receiving), mutual stripping, intimate nudity, discussion of safeword, his hands, nipple sucking, body worship, vaginal fingering, amazing oral sex (f.receiving), penetrative vaginal sex, sex-starved!Taehyung who finally doesn't hold back anymore, oh boy he is so ready to serve & devour, this is both really soft and intense, strength kink, dirty talk, clit play, his hands, finger sucking, unprotected sex 'cause historical yk, big dick!taehyung, this man is not afraid to eat ass :), let's just say Reader learns what this marriage has in store for her ;), trying to stay quiet, his hands, multiple orgasms (f.receiving), squirting, creampies, extensive aftercare & cute pillowtalk, taehyung loves praise <3, snuggles & cuddles, his hands.
Wordcount: 13.7k | Minors DNI you will be blocked & reported
a/n: i want this taehyung to throw me against a wall tbfh fasjdfja. i have nothing else to say. gaaah i was so happy to go on this lil journey with you besties. and i'm so sad that it ended :( BUT! i already have three smutty oneshots planned for them soo it's not totally over yet <3 leave some comments and let's talk about general!Tae ehehhe ❤
Taehyung is pacing, biting his nails. You should be here by now.
He already checked the hallways outside twice and stuck his head out of the window four times. It should be time.
He hurries to the window again, sliding it open. Cold winter’s air swirls around his naked feet. It started snowing. Your bedroom is still dark.
He closes the window and paces. Perhaps you are still at the hospital. He needs to be patient.
Taehyung finds distraction in rearranging the table for the fifth time. Next, he checks all the candles and smoothes out the sheets.
Perhaps sitting down will help. Taehyung rocks back and forth, heart racing unbearably.
He wonders if this is a good idea, if you will see him. What if he scared you away with his intensity? He knows that he can be a lot when he wants to be. What if he put too much faith in your connection? He knows that it has, after all, only been four months. What if you do not feel as he feels for you?
Because he loves you.
He loves your kind heart, your work ethic, your intelligence and your tender hands, just as he loves your sweet voice and your precious face.
He truly did not want to fall in love. He thought that loving someone would weaken him, but it made him stronger. Thinking of you lifts him up, seeing you makes him stronger and talking to you gives him new ideas. Being in love is a strength not a weakness.
He loves you, he would do anything to make you happy, but what if you do not feel the same?
Taehyung stands up and paces nervously. He checks the hallway one more time. Just as he promised, there are no guards in front of his doors. He stationed them outside the sleeping quarters and ordered the servants to take the night off. There are no signs of you.
He closes the door and hurries to the mirror to inspect his own reflection. He fixes his hair for the fifth time, tugs and pulls on his clothes so they sit correctly and he inspects every inch of his face. He hopes that you think him handsome. People tell him that he is, but tonight only your opinion matters.
He spent two hours in the royal bath houses today, getting scrubbed from head to toe. He didn’t see you there when he went, which makes him nervous. What if the reason why he didn’t meet you was because you had already decided not to see him and therefore you had no reason to get clean?
Taehyung checks the candles again, then the bed. You should be here by now. You cannot deny him, you simply cannot. This is not a statement of confidence but a plea of nervousness. You cannot deny him because if you did, Taehyung would break.
He begins imagining a life without you. No more shared meals, no more quiet times, no more gentle touches when his body aches and no more arms to fall into when he cannot sleep. He will never hear your laugh again or seek you out when he wants to talk. Taehyung is panicking, slipping into a state of anxiety when he hears the first call of the bell.
You should be here. You should be here. Please, be here. Taehyung grows more and more restless as times goes on.
Twelve times the bell rings. Twelve times he had hope and then there was silence. Midnight passed. You did not come. He has his answer.
His body refuses to move at first, shock freezes him right where he stands. He feels the same sickening void in his stomach he felt after a battle lost. He is empty.
It happened. The worst thing happened. You do not wish for this marriage to be one of love. You wish for distance, for nights apart, for meals alone and for him far away from you.
Why did he think that it could be different? You and he were married for two days before he left for five years. You did not send him even one letter when he was at the frontline. Hells, you and he didn’t even have time to consummate the marriage. Why did he think that you would want more out of this bond?
All the shared meals, the tender touches and comforting hugs weren’t because you were his wife, they were solely acts of a healer. He has always been just a patient to you and he stupidly pressured you into more, which ultimately led to you pulling away completely. He messed everything up because no matter how hard he tries, he will always remain a ruthless conqueror who stops at nothing. He is not a husband women dream of; he is a rough, idiotic general only good for pillaging and killing.
No. No, this isn’t right. It is your fault. You gave him hope again. You begged him not to leave you. You made him feel as if you liked him too. Why did you do that? Why?
You played him and Taehyung fell for it again.
He grabs a vase to throw it across the room but halts, eyes jumping to his opening door. He holds his breath.
“I’m so sorry for running late, oh heavens I’m out of breath”, you stumble into his room, having run seconds earlier. Your hair is damp, clearly having had not enough time to fully dry. Your clothes are not properly put on, as if you did it without your servants’ help. You bend over, supporting yourself on your knees as you pant for air.
Taehyung discards the vase and closes the distance, heart beating quickly. His smile reaches his eyes and puffs his cheeks.
“You came.”
“Yeah, a moment. Air.” You explain, huffing for air.
Taehyung closes the door and locks it for your sake so you do not have to worry about people barging in. Then he closes the distance to you, placing his arms around you.
“Please sit down. What happened? Why are you so out of breath?” he asks, leading you to the set table.
“We had an emergency at the hospital. A farmer cut his fingers and we needed to operate him quickly. Truly, I am so stressed out. I wanted to do a proper job as a healer yet wished to rush it.”
He helps you sit down, lingering behind you afterwards to rub your shoulders.
“So did you manage to save him?”
“The first joints of his fingers are sadly lost forever, but his hand will heal. Ah please forgive me, my face is so hot.”
He hurries to pour you a glass of water, sitting down opposite of you afterwards.
“Please drink something.”
“Thanks.”
You do so hungrily, gulping it down with closed eyes. You set it down and while you lose yourself in another rant, Taehyung prepares more water for you. You might not be aware of it, but he enjoys every second of the current moment. He missed hearing about your day. He missed it so very much.
“Truly out of all days. I wanted to curse at the farmer for choosing today to be reckless. Today, when I have plans after work. I really planned on leaving earlier. You must imagine how stressed I felt. I needed to hurry to the bath house before it closed and barely managed to put on my dress because my servants took a spontaneous night off without telling me. My hair did not have enough time to dry, I look a mess.”
He listens intently, feeling so incredibly warm inside his chest.
“I had to wash up in my room a second time because I sweat so much. And I…” Embarrassment washes over your features. You lower your head. “Please forgive me, I don’t know what I am saying.”
“Don’t apologise. I love what you have to say.”
“You do?”
He nods his head, gaze softening immensely.
“Tell me more. What happened next?” he asks.
“Ah, nothing really. I had to dress myself without help, which normally should be no problem but these are not my normal clothes. I rarely wear clothes which aren’t my healer garps, so it was a struggle.”
Taehyung’s tummy flutters. You dressed up for tonight. You put just as much effort into your looks than he did. Which means you also see this evening as something special.
“I think it was my fault. I told the servants to take the night off”, he confesses.
“You? Oh I see, you are the reason why I look as if I got dressed by a donkey.”
He laughs, “forgive me, forgive me. I wanted to provide you privacy. Besides, you look delightful.”
You lock eyes with him albeit shyly, having to giggle and look away. Taehyung smiles with a racing heart, scooting closer.
“I am so glad that you are here”, he confesses.
“I guess I am. Now you know that I am capable of dishonourable deeds.”
“Beloved, look at me.”
His gentle voice and the loving nickname draws your eyes to his’.
“What happens between you and me, no matter how sexual, will never be dishonourable to me.”
“Really? Because I really, really, did not want to come tonight. No! I did. Just the sex part took me a while. I am so scared.”
“Don’t be. We do not have to go there if you do not want to. And if we do, I will be gentle.”
“I am not scared of pain. I’m scared that I will act too indecent and disgust you with it. I do not know how much is too much.”
Taehyung laughs.
“Don’t laugh.”
“Oh forgive me, oh. I am laughing because of how ridiculous this is.”
“This isn’t funny.”
He reaches over the table, caressing your crossed arms.
“Nothing is too much.”
“Oh.”
You lower your head with a giggle, covering your own mouth. Taehyung sips water with a smile.
“I, uhm. I do not know how to start this”, you confess.
“There is no rush. It is perfectly fine if we only talk. Do not pressure yourself. Do you want some tea?”
“Yes, I’d like that.”
“I made your favourite blend.” He pours it skilfully. “How is it?”
“Oh, it is perfect. You really know how to make tea these days.”
Your praise makes his eyes sparkle.
“Have some yakgwa as well.”
“How did you manage to get this at this time of year?” you gasp and take three pieces of honey cake. Normally these cakes are only served during the harvest festival and weddings. It is a rare delicacy.
“I used my privileges as a prince”, he confesses with flushed cheeks, “do you like it? You told me once that they’re your favourite dessert.”
“You remembered?”
“Of course.”
“But I only said this in passing.”
“That doesn’t matter to me. I wish to know you.”
“Oh, Sire.”
“Can you call me Taehyung from now?”
“But you’re older than me and of royal blood.”
“I don’t mind. I want to be friends with you.”
You nod your head, “so you really do not mind being addressed casually?”
“Not by you I don’t. May I call you by your name from now on as well? At least officially starting now, I might have let your name slip in the past. Sorry.”
“I didn’t mind. Yes, you may call me by my name.”
He says your name and smiles. “What a beautiful name.”
“Oh, uh, thank you and thank you for the cake”, you gush, enjoying the sweet dessert with the comforting tea.
“Of course”, Taehyung speaks in a worryingly quiet tone and so you dare to sneak a glance. He is looking at you with a smile. His fond gaze makes you nervous.
“Sorry”, you murmur and look to the side, giggling. “I’m really nervous.”
“Me too.”
“Really?” you gasp, eyes widening.
“Of course. I want tonight to be perfect.”
“I see. Ah”, you exhale deeply, “at least I am not the only one nervous.”
“No”, Taehyung says and shares in giggles with you.
Silence fills the room afterwards where you and he exchange giddy looks. You drink nervously, he does as well.
“You are wearing the jewellery”, he says.
“I am.” You play with it. “I thought that perhaps tonight could be a special occasion. I even purchased a new dress, but I didn’t put it on correctly.”
“You are very beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
Silence. Again. It is as if you both lost the ability to converse. Your nerves are at a shared all-time high. Shy glances get exchanged, more tea gets shared.
“Did you get here well?” he asks.
“Yes, I did. And you?”
“Yes, me too.”
Glances.
You snicker.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Why are we suddenly so bad at talking?”
“I don’t know.” He laughs. “I’m a mess honestly.”
“Me too.”
“You know, I actually have something for you”, Taehyung says and stands up to cross his room. You follow him with your eyes.
“What do you mean?”
He returns, sitting close enough that his knees touch the side of your thigh. It still flusters you, but it is a good sensation. Exciting.
“For you”, he says, handing you a present.
The object is wrapped in a purple silk cloth. A beautifully made norigae, matching in colour, adorns it. He remembered your favourite colour.
“This is purple.”
“Yes, like your favourite colour.”
“Sire, no wait, Taehyung. This is so nice. And it is quite heavy. What is it?”
“Open it”, he says, fumbling nervously.
You do so as carefully as possible. A thick, leather-bound book reveals itself. You open it.
“The Encyclopaedia of Operating by Lee Jang-Geum. No way! Where did you find this?”
“The book merchant. I asked for his rarest book on medicine and he handed me this. After giving me the evil eye, if I may add. I think he has yet to forgive me for kissing you in his shop.”
“Maybe it could also be because you punched him.”
“No, he deserved that one and he knows it.”
You snicker, scrunching your nose.
“Was he really mad?”
“Maybe a little, but I didn‘t care.” He rubs your arm. “Do you like the book?”
“I love it. Oh, I do”, you say, hugging it to your chest. “I love it so much. Thank you.”
Taehyung nods his head, blinking rapidly.
“What’s the matter? Why do you seem sad? Is it because of the merchant? I’m sure he will come around again.”
“No, I don’t care about him. I just…” He hugs your waist carefully, resting his cheek on your shoulder. “I missed you so much”, he whispers.
“I missed you too”, you confess, poking his head with your nose.
He smiles and kisses it, eliciting a shaky gasp from you. Afterwards he gazes, caressing your waist. His eyes carry entire galaxies in them.
“Why are you looking at me like this?” you whisper, breath swirling over his face.
“Because you are so beautiful.”
“But my hair didn’t dry and I am certain my face is sweaty.”
“Stop that.” He sits up, cradling your cheeks with both hands. “Do not try to find imperfections where there are none. You are beautiful.”
“Taehyung, please do not talk like this.”
He tilts your head up before you can lower it.
“I cannot stop. I burn for you and you must know.”
“You really must stop or else I will die of heart palpitations.”
He chuckles, “I wouldn’t allow that.”
“You couldn’t really control that if it actually happened. Heart conditions are out of our control. The only way to limit the chances of heart borne diseases is a healthy lifestyle.”
“Yes?” he whispers, gaze melting. He looks at you as if you were everything.
“Sorry. When I get nervous, I tend to ramble about medicine because it calms me down. Ah, you must think that I’m weird.”
“I do not. I think that you are so interesting.”
“Oh.” You giggle and lean into him, stubbing his shoulder with your head.
Taehyung embraces you, burying his nose in your neck. You are very tense, laying in his arms stiff as a board and clasping the book between your bodies.
“You’re allowed to relax if you want to”, he whispers.
“Oh, I uhm. I am, am I not?”
“No, definitely not”, he chuckles.
“Sorry”, you say and sink into his arms.
“It’s alright. Just, allow me to hold you for a moment.”
You nod, placing the book aside so you can truly feel him. His scent engulfs you, drowning you. You cannot tell when your feelings for him started, but you know how much you dreamed of this lately. To be embraced by him, to lie in his strong arms and feel the day melt away, it is paradise.
And after the last time he embraced you, it has become your new addiction.
“This is so nice”, he whispers, drawing mindless patterns on your back. It is so tingly. You nod your head in agreement, rubbing his back as well.
Oh, he smells so good. It increases your pulse in places you were once too shy to admit, but tonight you focus on it willingly. Warmth builds with each throb. His body draws you in.
You shift in his arms, making him let go because he thinks you were uncomfortable.
“Forgive me.”
“I liked it. Please hold me again.”
Taehyung fulfills your wish very gladly. He will never refuse you from now on, hoping that you request many hugs from him in the future.
You put your arms around his neck and nuzzle it, eliciting a sharp gasp from him because it tingles so much.
“You smell so good”, your whisper is like paradise to him, ghosting over his skin.
“I do?”
“Yes.” You press your chest against his’, arms running down his back.
Taehyung furrows his brows to make sure his eyes truly stay closed. This feels so good.
“And you are so soft. You’re so muscular, but still so soft. How is this possible?”
You slide your hands to his waist where he is ticklish. Taehyung snickers and shakes you off.
“Don’t tickle me. It’s not my fault that I am soft.”
“I didn’t mean to, sorry.” You rub his back. “So I gather that you are ticklish?”
“I am. Terribly so.”
“I see. So you do have a weakness.”
You put your hands on his waist.
“Don’t test it out, I will fight back”, he insists, making you snicker.
“No. No tickling.” You sit back, eyes racing over his face. “At least not right now.”
“Alright, I do not trust you at all. Not with your hands on my waist”, he says and redirects them so they sit on his lap instead.
“Hey, I was being truthful.”
“Better safe than sorry”, he jokes, making you laugh. He will never grow tired of it.
You seem more at ease afterwards, getting on your knees because you can be closer this way. You sit on your feet, eyes racing over his face.
“I think I want to do more.”
“Hugging?”
“No, the uhm, other thing.”
“I see. You don’t have to force yourself if you don’t-”
You kiss him. Taehyung mewls in surprise, eyes fluttering closed and tensed hands stretched from his body. The kiss breaks before he can touch you, you are cradling his cheeks.
“The longer I think about it, the less likely I will do it. Taehyung, I have wanted you ever since that celebratory dinner in my room, and I’m not strong enough to be courtly anymore.”
“Do you mean that?”
“I do. You are so kind and caring and I really, really, like being with you. I want to have you.”
Taehyung smiles shyly, “alright.”
You lean in, but Taehyung presses a finger to your lips.
“First I need to talk.”
“Alright.”
“Do you know what a safeword is?”
“I do. I have it with my patients when I have to operate on them.”
“We should decide on one for the bedroom. In case it gets too much for one of us.”
“Alright then let’s go with….mhm…oh, I got it! Cannon Fodder?”
“Really?” He snickers, eyes gleaming. “Don’t you think it a little too war themed?”
“Mhm, right. Then how about Vegetable? That will definitely stop you.”
He laughs, nudging you, “hey, untrue. I am trying to eat healthier these days. But alright, let’s go with Vegetable.”
“I like it. Vegetable. It feels meaningful.”
“I want to fucking kiss you”, he presses out.
You giggle and close the distance, fulfilling his wish.
Taehyung purrs, tugging you atop his lap impatiently. His arms close around you, hands desperately trying to be everywhere at the same time. Your weight on him only increases the urgency. He dimples your hips where his fingers hold you, lips searching for more of your honey taste. It is like in the story Lady Inna told. It feels as if he was trying to devour you, lips leaving no chance for you to misinterpret his feelings for you: Ever since that one morning, sharing another kiss with you is everything he has been thinking about.
“Fuck. You’re always on my mind”, he lulls his words, tightening the pull between you and him. His hands wander along the paths of your back, your fingers explore his chest. The touch is eager, motivated by the growing attraction between you and him.
“Always on there, never giving me time to breathe. Fuck ___.”
His sweet confession goes straight to your stomach, igniting a fire deep within. Its warmth spreads to your pussy. Kissing him isn’t enough anymore, you need to melt into him.
Your tongue slips between his lips. He purrs, meeting you eagerly. There it is again: those flutters you felt in the alleyway. Shortness of breath, a rapid pulse and blurred thoughts are the side effects. Growing addiction is the result.
He is always on your mind as well. He makes you excited to wake up and brightens up the court. Other people see him as the dark, brooding general, but you see a shining star. And heavens be damned, you crave to reach for that star and catch it.
You break the kiss, making him mewl and chase you.
“What’s wrong?”
“I want more, but I don’t know what to do.”
He chuckles fondly.
“Let me show you.”
You nod your head and climb off his lap, following his silent command. He stands up as well, pulling you into him by your wrists. He puts them around his neck, smiling down at you.
“Don’t look away”, he whispers.
You couldn’t even if he wanted you to. Taehyung’s face is one of a kind. You dare to say that he is the most beautiful person at court. Perhaps even of the entire kingdom. No, the entire world. Nobody comes close to his looks. You always thought this way about him, even before your marriage, but now that feelings are involved you are truly obsessed.
“You’re really handsome.”
“Yes?”
“Mhm. I actually always thought that you were beautiful. Even before we got married.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.”
“Thank you, my beloved.”
“But now I really, really, like your face. And your body and your hair and your hands. I like everything.”
“Thank you”, he whispers, cheeks rosy and gaze shy.
Taehyung leads you to his bed and twirls with you, pushing you down gently. You sit, Taehyung kneels. His hands feel up your outer thighs, his eyes take you in. He places a tender kiss on your knee, resting his chin on it afterwards.
“I like you”, he confesses, eyes sparkling.
“I like you too”, you say, caressing his cheek.
Taehyung leans into your touch, eyes softening in a smile.
“Are you really sure about this? I am okay with waiting.”
“I am sure. I thought about it a lot and I really want this.”
“This makes me happy. You can stop me at any time.”
“Maybe I will and…” your eyes gleam. “...edge you?”
Taehyung widens his eyes, making you snicker and scrunch your nose. You are joking with him. He feels the urge to squeeze you because of all the adoration he feels for you. He shoots up with a big smile, kissing your lips rather passionately and squeezing your waist. You squeak, writhing helplessly.
“Do that and I’ll officially turn insane”, he warns, tickling you a second time which makes you giggle and push at his chest.
“Did I get you?”
“I thought you were serious. Wah I was panicking”, he confesses.
“No, I was joking”, you giggle.
“Mhhm my darling. You’re playing too much.”
He laughs with you, kissing your lips and cheeks and jaw. He is fucking obsessed with you. Your behaviour is so goddamn addictive when you feel safe and comfortable. He stops himself before he tears off your clothes with his teeth. He is starving for you.
“Can we take another step?” he asks, kissing your jawline gently despite his feral thoughts.
“Yes, but you have to tell me what.”
“Do as I do, darling.”
“Alright.”
He stands up and opens the ties of his belt. He is undressing. The aspect fills you with delight. Only he can think of making a game out of this, and you are more than willing to play it.
You stand up and follow his steps. Belts first, outer layers next. The tension grows when the second layers come off. He is wearing pants beneath them, you are wearing a skirt. He opens the knot and lets his pants drop. His shift covers him, but the insinuations are heavy in the room. Nothing else will cover him once that minuscule layer of fabric is shed.
“Can you help me?” you ask and turn. “It was so difficult it put on alone, so I tightened the knot too much.”
“Of course.”
The room is silent as he opens your shaping skirt. Only the sound of fabric can be heard. He makes you sway with each tug. You know that he is barely using his strength right now, but it still feels terribly exciting to experience some of it.
“There we go. You managed to get three knots tangled up.”
“Thanks. It felt like that when I put it on.”
Taehyung chuckles, letting the skirt drop. You step out of it as you turn back to him.
“Holy fuck”, he gets out.
Only a thin shift covers you.
The attraction is palpable. He knows that you wear nothing underneath it. Just for tonight, both you and he decided to leave out all of the traditional layers of undergarments. It is entirely uncourtly, scandalous and outright perverted. Yet you both decided that wearing as little as possible was appropriate for tonight.
And the message it conveys is loud and clear: You came to him fully ready to embrace him.
“You really wanted this, didn’t you?” his voice is deeper than usual, huskier and drenched in attraction.
“I wasn’t going to put on all of these layers just to take them off again.”
“We had the same thought.”
You snicker, nodding your head.
“I feel really scandalous. I hope it’s not too much.”
“Don’t. You are messing with my head. Seeing you in just a shift, I feel dazed”, he says and closes the distance to kiss your neck.
“Tae”, you sigh, folding under his kisses and hands falling to his strong arms.
“You’re hiding a naughtier side, aren’t you?” he purrs and tugs on your earlobe, eliciting a shaky sigh from you.
“Don’t judge me, please.”
“I’m not. It’s driving me insane”, he whispers sweetly, contradicting the tenderness of his voice with his hungry touch. His hands travel along your stomach, drowning you in a state of anticipation. Will he let them slip under your shift or take the paths upwards? The memories of his fingers deep inside you lie at the forefront of your mind, you feel yourself drip down your thighs.
Does he feel just as affected? You guide your hands to his stomach, feeling up his muscles through the shift. His blissed moan tickles your skin.
“Fuck”, he curses under his breath, leaving kisses on your jaw, your chin and ear as he changes sides.
You do not mind when he curses. Not anymore because it means that you affect him, and this is such an arousing thing to know.
Feeling utterly greedy, you slip your hands to his cock. He is in the process of hardening, licking your neck as a reaction to your touch.
“Tickles”, you giggle, fleeing him. But he chases you, hips bucking against your hands.
“Mhm. My wife, touching places like this. Makes me so hungry for you”, he purrs, placing wet kisses on your jawline. A certain strength begins pushing you back. He is leading you to bed, lips driving you crazy and presence domineering in the gentlest of ways.
Your calves hit the bed, making you sway. Taehyung purrs, squeezing your left buttock for support. It shocks you so intensely that you push at his chest.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, lifting his head.
“Your hand is on my bottom.”
“Mhm.” He squeezes it, eyes gleaming. “Such a perfect ass.”
“Wow, okay. I can definitely not be too indecent. You are…wow.”
He laughs, hand travelling along your ass and lips reclaiming your neck.
“I told you: you can let go with me.”
“I can…see that now…Taehyung…”
“Mhm?”
“Please touch me more.”
He smiles. It is a warm smile, adoring and yet full of desire. Your heart beats faster because of it, your attraction to him reaches unbearable levels. Your stomach flutters when his hands begin to gather parts of your shift, dragging the soft fabric further and further up your legs.
He stops when the hem of it sits just under your buttocks.
“Is this okay for me to do?” he asks.
“Yes”, you nod your head, lifting your arms and closing your eyes in preparation.
Your eagerness makes Taehyung so happy. This is exactly where he wanted you. Burning in desperation to the point where you beg him to take you to bed. His patience paid off, his current impatience forces him to act hastily. He takes off your shift swiftly, throwing it to the ground and lifting you up into a kiss before you can even open your eyes.
Your naked, heated body presses against his clothed torso, your surprised whimper tickles his lips. Taehyung bounces you in his strong arms, deepening the kiss.
You feel dizzy. He didn’t even look at you. You expected him to take time in admiring your body, but he didn’t even give you time to arrive in your nude state. He stole you from gravity’s grasp, reminding you that he has wanted you for way too long.
Taehyung sinks to one knee, setting you down on the other. This is the first skin on skin contact between you and him, and it is the most sinful of kind. Your bared pussy grinds against his naked thigh, excitement covering his skin. Your stomach tenses, lips struggling to keep up with Taehyung’s growing hunger. It is as if your weight on him drives him to the brink of starvation, which is so unbelievable to you because you already feed him your kisses. How much does he still want from you? What more can you even give him? You are so eager to find out.
That is if this doesn’t continue. Holy fuck, why is he moving your hips so much? It is as if he is running his fingers over your cunt, except that it is more intense and bigger and harder and hotter. Actually, it is totally different, but still so good. Taehyung surprises you over and over again.
You tense up, ready to fall into him but he stops it. The sensation is so uncomfortable in a weirdly good way. You want him even more afterwards. Is this what edging is? It is nice.
Taehyung lifts you again, holding you safely in the air for just a second before he lays you down on the mattress, climbing the bed as he does. The muscles in his torso and arms ripple and flex, yet he barely seems to struggle.
His sheets are just as soft as you remember them to be, drowning you in his masculine scent and a hint of lavender. You know this scent from your own bed when the servants dressed it in fresh sheets. Taehyung must have changed the sheets just for tonight.
It is such a sweet detail, yet feels miniscule in your current state because something else takes up your entire mind. His body stopped being in contact with yours. Shivers course through you, your skin aches where he once touched you. You try to pull him closer, but this only makes it worse. You take it back, you don’t like edging. You want to be with him.
He breaks the kiss, towering over you on his hands and knees. Strands of his black hair hang into his face, even from this angle he is beautiful.
He cradles your cheek, thumb brushing your skin.
“So delicate. My hands aren’t used to handling such fragile treasures.”
“I’m more robust than you think, actually, I can lift a fallen patient if I have to. There is a certain technique behind it though and Oh! Shoot, I’m rambling again.”
Taehyung chuckles, scrunching his eyes.
“You’re a fucking delight”, he says, kissing your cheek. “You have to show me that technique one day.”
“Are you sure? It’s a really-”
“Mh-hm”, he interrupts your rambling by kissing you.
Your brain shuts off, body melting and eyes falling closed. You can count the seconds his lips touch yours. One, two. The kiss breaks again as Taehyung lifts his head.
“More”, you beg, chasing him.
“Patience. Now that I finally have you like this, I wish to savour you”, he says, increasing your pulse.
No one ever wanted to savour you. What a wonderful feeling.
He sits up on the back of his heels and hooks his hands under his shift, taking it off in one swift movement. He throws it behind himself, meeting your eyes. Well, he attempts to meet your eyes because you are too busy gawking at him like a deer in torch light.
So he gives you this intimate moment, allowing himself his own moment of adoration. His desire for you grows with each new inch his eyes take in. Nothing could have prepared him for this moment. Taehyung imagined how your naked body might look when he touched himself early today to get himself ready, but this is so much better. He imagines all the lovingly deranged things he will do to you, bringing himself to the brink of madness. When he finally looks at your face again, you have stopped looking at his body already. He does not know for how long.
“You are the most beautiful woman. You don’t know what you’re doing to me”, he says, voice heavy in arousal.
“Thank you”, you whisper, glancing at his cock.
“Are you nervous?”
“Me? Of course not, I’m not nervous. I have seen many penises before, as a matter of fact I have examined many. You have a very healthy looking, rather voluptuous, example and I-“ you cringe, “-am ruining the mood with my medical rambling again.”
“No, no please keep talking about my rather voluptuous cock”, he chuckles.
“I said example, not cock.”
He laughs, attacking you with a smiley kiss.
“I’m obsessed with you. Holy fuck, you are a delight.”
The giggles you and he share die down slowly as the moment stretches on and his kisses don’t stop. He turns you on too much, you make him too hungry to care for laughter.
“Stop me if I’m too intense”, he tattoos the words against your neck and then he is already on a conquering quest of your body. His hands command his lips, his tongue does the finishing blows. Your untouched skin is his battleground, resisting is fruitless. Once the fire of battle burns in his veins, he doesn’t plan on stopping until he has all of you.
He brings you to the brink of wanting to curse. You should have stayed when Lady Inna told the story of Lord Ozai and Lady Zuki, it would have prepared you for what will happen after neck kisses. Because of your mistake, you are thrown into this blindly, grasping the sheets as Taehyung claims every inch of your breasts as his territory. You didn’t know that this could feel so fucking good. You regularly do checks up on yourself for the bad knots, so you know how it feels to have your breasts touched but this is different. He makes the fire in your stomach grow and grow and grow and. You make a sound, feet digging into the mattress as you thrust your hips up against nothing.
Taehyung chuckles, dragging his teeth over your nipple, “fuck, beloved, do you like that?” he purrs.
“It makes me so hot”, you whine, trying so hard to writhe but he pins your hips down into the mattress, climbing between your legs just to push them apart by your thighs.
“You’ve got the prettiest tits. So fucking perfect”, he rasps and sucks on your nipple.
You gasp and tense, head turning in shock. He keeps sucking only to bite gently and tug before he repeats it with your other nipple. His voice tickles you, his mouth is so wet. And warm. And soft. And his teeth are so tingly. And oh gods you are losing control again.
You mewl, thrusting your hips and dropping your knees together. His body keeps you from closing them, his strong hands pin you back down. You can feel the dirty smirk he sports because of your reaction. It embarrasses you only a little.
His lips take on another conquering route down the middle of your stomach. You are breathless and close to losing control again. Your wet nipples throb in the cold air, every kiss he places on your stomach is a warm contrast to it. You feel so weak.
Taehyung stops the third needy thrust before it can even happen, holding your hips between his big hands. He kisses your lower stomach. Right where it blends into your hip bones and waist. You have to giggle because it is so sensitive that the kiss tickles.
He chuckles deeply, glancing up at you. You have your eyes covered by your own hand, rolling your head from side to side as you giggle. So adorable. He wants to watch you gasp.
He takes his fingers and ghosts them down the middle of your pussy. Barely any contact is made, his touch is like a whisper of a sensation. Just enough to wake up your nerves. And oh how they wake up.
Your giggles cut off and a loud gasp replaces them. Your hand drops from your eyes, grasping the pillow. Your mouth never closes and your hips begin to wiggle desperately.
Shocked pleasure. So honest and sweet. Happy about your perfect reaction, Taehyung chuckles and holds your hips again. It draws a desperate, very quiet, keen from your lips. A telltale sign that you want more.
“You’re adorable”, he lulls, acting as if he never touched your pussy. It makes you restless, which excites him terribly. He trails his kisses from your hipbones to your thighs, running his hands up and down your hips.
The memory remains. The ghosting touch and its repercussions haunt you. You are in actual pain, thinking about his fingers inside you, on top of you, rubbing you and touching you.
“Touch me”, you breathe, tilting your hips.
He ignores you, grazing his teeth over your skin in an amazingly good way. And you cannot even be properly restless because he is holding you down.
It is like he is keeping you hostage, like he corners you and makes it impossible to fight him. You know from stories that he loves this technique on the battlefield. Corner the enemy until all they can do is surrender. You are already his’ so what could you possibly still give him?
“Taehyung, please”, you beg, hips squirming helplessly.
He purrs, marking your inner thighs. What does he want from you? Why is he down there and not up here, kissing you while he fingers you? What could you possibly give him down below? Why is he not stopping?
What would Lord Ozai have done after kissing Lady Zuki’s breasts? You regret not staying during Lady Inna’s story because you possibly cannot imagine what can be so interesting for Taehyung down there. All you know is that you want to explode from impatience.
“Taehyung, why are you down there?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what you else you could do there.”
“You’re joking, right?”
“Why would I joke?”
His eyes darken, his grip tightens. He slides his hands to your inner thighs and down until he frames your pussy. He pushes you apart, breath ghosting over your skin and driving you crazy.
“You have no fucking idea what I’m still capable of”, he rasps.
“Huh? What?”
Taehyung connects his mouth with your pussy and drags his tongue through your folds.
“Ah!”
You curl in on yourself and somehow throw your head back at the same time, mouth falling open and eyes rolling back as if he knocked you out. Not in your twenty five years of living could your mind have ever come up with this completely and totally fucked up thing. This is perverted, this should be forbidden, this is turning your brain into liquid.
“Taehyung”, you keen, tugging on his hair instinctively.
Taehyung moans pleasurably each time you twitch. You are already so restless and he hasn’t even licked your clit yet. Or licked you for long. Do you even know what still waits for you or are you already in the belief that it cannot get any better than this? You probably have no idea. Fuck, your question sounded so earnest, and you are a confirmed virgin. Of course you have no idea.
Taehyung has to fight the urge to devour you where it will feel best for you. He knows that your clit would fit so perfectly between his lips and it would throb so cutely, but he cannot give in to temptation.
He has to savour this, he has to enjoy you. He cannot be greedy, not when it comes to you. He stills his impatience by sucking you. It feels so good to take your soft folds between his lips and to hear you try to figure out what sounds to make.
You never should have asked him. Why did you challenge him? Why did you wonder what he could do? You brought this onto yourself. You swear that you will explode. You will fully and truly explode.
You slam your second hand onto his head as well, scratching his scalp as you bundle his hair. Being quiet is impossible, your hips cannot stay still.
He moans and wraps his arms around your thighs, pulling you oh so close. You muffle him in your warmth and he is gone for. After weeks of starvation, he has you and you taste so much better than he could have ever imagined. And you shake so much. He loves this.
He laps at your leaking cunt, nose buried between your folds and cheeks caressed by your soft hair. You must have perfumed yourself, your scent is making him dizzy and his tongue restless. Taehyung messies the sheets because of you, cock aching to be inside you. If your taste wasn’t so addictive, he would have already taken you raw and deep.
“Taehyung”, you choke out, fleeing him because if this goes on any longer you have to scream. Not even twisting his hair helps.
He growls in distaste, pulling you back to him. Your short moment of resistance and his fight for you, forces his body to slip off bed. It doesn’t matter to him, he drags you to the edge of the bed and pushes your legs up your body. They fall over his shoulders, toes curling and thighs shaking.
Again: he still hasn’t even licked your clit yet, taking the journey deeper into your personal space. Your ass is calling to him. He never shied away from it. Not when it brings such sweet noises to the surface.
He spreads you, gazing at you first before he tastes. He is the luckiest man ever.
“Damn, you’re so pretty.”
Your tight rim tenses under his tongue, you gasp and then suddenly grow very, very quiet. Taehyung looks up from between your legs. You are stuck in a back arch, mouth agape and chest frozen as he makes you forget to breathe. Because you still grasp his hair, you squeeze your breasts together, showing off how swollen in pleasure your nipples are.
He buries himself deeper, nose digging into your wet cunt and tongue wiggling just a little into you. The pleasure ripples through you like a seizure, you cramp and relax around him, gasping for air sparingly and seemingly never exhaling. Satisfied by your ecstatic state, Taehyung closes his eyes again and dedicates every single second to your pleasure. He pumps his tongue in and out of you, circling your rim each time he is outside. All while he grinds his nose against your pussy and his thumbs massage the area where your thighs melt into your groin.
You have to scream. You can’t scream, the entire court will hear you. You can’t. You have to, but you can’t. Panicked, you grab a pillow and hug it against your face, biting into it. Like a barrel finally overflowing from too much wine, the noises spill out of you and into the pillow. It barely gets any easier to bear, he has you experiencing things you will never, ever be able to forget again. You fear that you will get wet whenever you replay them. Even wetter than you have already been getting because of his hands. You went into this evening, thinking that you already knew everything you could know, that it couldn’t possibly get any more perverted than it already did, but you were so wrong. You won’t be the same person anymore from this day on.
Taehyung is floating with you, squeezing your legs further into you and feeling short of breath. He breaks contact just to moan and fight for air.
“I love this so much”, he gets out and falls back between your legs. He growls pleasurably, dragging his ever-eager tongue from your rim to your pussy. His left thumb picks up where he licked last, massaging your tight hole while he laps up the sweet nectar his messy rimjob milked out of you.
You are a lot more relaxed than you were when he claimed you first. He applies just enough pressure to send pleasurable sparks through your veins. You spill on his tongue in reaction, making it harder and harder to be patient.
Taehyung begins to think about fucking you. Granted, he has been thinking about that for weeks, but it is starting to get unbearable.
And your noises. He is so far away because your voice sounds muffled in his ears. They are so sweet. You do it so good for him. He is obsessed.
He flicks his tongue, you twitch with your entire body and squeak in reaction.
Nope, that’s it.
Taehyung cannot drag it out any longer. He parts your swollen cunt with his right hand, sticks his left thumb into your dripping walls and connects his tongue with your clit.
He knows the consequences of his actions. It was the very reason why he avoided your most sensitive pleasure spot for so long. He throws you over the edge with the first lick, making you scream into the pillow. The payoff was so worth it, he thinks, as he licks you through your shaking orgasm and your warm cunt throbs around his thumb.
As you lay here and shake like you have never shaken before, it finally dawns on you that the incident in the alleyway was a mere appetiser of the orgasms Taehyung can give you. Compared to what he makes you experience right now, the orgasm in the alleyway feels like a tiny shiver. This right now claims your entire body, it feels endless and explosive.
When the shakes finally stop and Taehyung finally lifts his head, you are disoriented and far, far away. The world around you is blurry and fiery heat has made a permanent residence in your veins. The ceiling looks far away, your face is wet in tears. You can feel that he puts your legs down, but you barely take it in. Your ears are ringing. Your pussy pulsates and throbs.
“Did you enjoy yourself, beloved?” he whispers, covering your inner thighs with open-mouthed kisses. He licks his thumb clean as he does, feeling painfully charged in desire. His cock might burst if he doesn’t get relief soon.
You try to talk, but only squeak.
He looks up, stomach tightening at the view. This is why your voice sounded so muffled. You grabbed a pillow and covered your face with it. Probably to quiet yourself. Taehyung climbs atop the bed and tugs the pillow from your weak grasp. He throws it to the side, cupping your cheeks.
Now without something to grasp, you hold onto his wrists for support. His face is wet, especially the lower parts of it and his nose. You cover his skin. You did that to him. It embarrasses you only mildly, because most of all it arouses you.
“Take a deep breath for me”, his voice sounds like heaven to your fucked-out brain.
You inhale.
“Now exhale.”
You obey, placing your hands on his pecs. His heart is hammering in his chest, his nipples are swollen.
“That’s it. Do you finally know what I could do down there?”
You nod your head, gulping.
“And did you like it?”
You nod your head more vigorously.
Taehyung drops his hands onto the mattress on each side of your head, pecs tensing.
“Don’t ever underestimate me again, hear me?”
“Yes.” You bite your lower lip, having to whimper.
“Tell me.”
“Taehyung. I’m still really hot in my tummy.”
“I know. You don’t know what you’re doing to me. I want to fuck you so bad.”
You have never felt more ready for anything before. This orgasm, his treatment of you, his passion and the pleasure it brought you created a deep aching void inside you. One you fear only Taehyung can fill.
“I want to be fucked by you”, you say, voice terribly croaky from all the screaming you did.
Taehyung twists the sheets and furrows his brows, cock twitching aggressively.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then scoot further up.”
He kneels once you and he are in position, placing your legs over his lap and around his hips. He lifts his hips and bends forwards, forcing your lower body to lift with it. He’ll have the perfect angle to scramble your insides once he’ll slip it in.
“Touch me.”
You obey, sliding your thumbs to his obliques just as he aligns himself with you.
This is it. You are so ready.
He hesitates.
“Why are you stopping?” you ask.
He meets your eyes, suddenly looking nervous.
“I don’t know if you know, but for some virgins the first penetration can hurt. I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner.”
“I know. I don’t care. I want to be your wife, Taehyung. For real and officially.”
“Oh. Ah, you’re making my cock twitch.”
“Please.”
Taehyung nods his head and puts his hand over yours, giving them a gentle squeeze just as he pushes inside.
“Tell me to stop, you can…fuck…holy fuck, you’re so wet…tell me to stop.”
You make a noise, grasping his hands and arching your back.
“Stop?”
“More.”
Taehyung pushes inside entirely, shuddering with you. There was no resistance, as if your sweet warmth was already waiting for him. He presses himself tighter to you, balls squeezing against your ass and cock digging as deep as he can go. You whimper and tense in reaction, eyes widening.
“You did it, you’re alright, you’re alright”, he assures you, rubbing your inner thighs while he clasps your hands. “Does it hurt?”
“No. I just…”
“Yes?”
“I really like it. Taehyung…” you get out, grabbing his hips to push them closer to you. “Move inside me, please.”
He shows you. Gently. Hesitantly. It is torture for him because he dreamed of being inside you for weeks. You squeeze his hips.
“Are you holding back?” you sound displeased, furrowing your brows and, it is unbelievable, pouting.
Taehyung feels so much adoration for you.
“Yeah, it’s your first time. I thought that.”
You shake your head, “no, do it properly.”
“Really? I’m intense when I-”
“Yes, do it. Fuck me for real.”
“___”, Taehyung moans and drops to his hands, hips picking up a sloppy rhythm because the time for proper movements has long past for him.
“Ooh. O-oh. Oh! Oh wow. Wow. Oh gods, wow”, you moan, watching your life change right before your eyes. This. Is. Amazing!
“___, darling. Fuck, ___.”
He is dumb in desperation, he wants his body to do the work for him. No more thinking, only fucking. You gave him the consent for it. You want it. And Taehyung is losing control over his muscles. This is instinctive, this is what he wanted to do with you for weeks.
You finally feel the consequences of your actions. To be pulled in, tempted and turned on over and over again only to be pushed away and denied every single fucking time, made him so desperate that Taehyung fucks like an animal.
Hard, strong thrusts broken up by rolls of his hips when he is deep inside show you what kind of lover he is. Domineering, driven by pleasure, obsessed and despite it all, gentle. Taehyung fucks with intent and passion and skill. So much skill. He puts his entire back into it, meaty thighs keeping your body in the perfect angle and cock taking up all of the space inside you.
Quite frankly, he is not just filling up the space he is making new one. One thrust at a time he relaxes you more and at the same time makes your muscles tense tighter.
Your hands slip from his grasp and fall over your mouth just so you cannot scream again. Tears shoot to your eyes. Taehyung sees them through his blurred vision but cannot react to them as his eyes roll back and fall closed.
“You feel so fucking good”, he gets out then all he can do is moan and curse.
Knowing that you won’t get any help from him, you close your eyes as well, attempting with all your might to make peace with your reality. You really have to stop underestimating him. You thought that his cock would feel as his fingers did but yet again, his fingers were a mere appetizer of what his cock can give you. It is like he is reshaping you just so he fits. It feels so good, especially right by your entrance and deep inside your tummy. The void, which ached so much, gets appeased with each thrust. So deep inside you. So fucking deep. It reignites the fire, flames spreading all throughout your legs and tummy.
So deep.
Holy fuck, so deep.
Skin slaps against skin, your wet pussy squelches around his heavy cock. If the court wasn’t so ever present, you would already sob his name. Sin feels so fucking good when it is you and Taehyung committing it.
“Taehyung”, you have to say his name otherwise you will explode. Your shaky hands grasp his waist and squeeze, dimpling his skin. You can feel his muscles work this way, which only increases your desperation. “Taehyung.”
“___”, he answers you, writing your name against your g-spot. His eyes are squeezed shut, his mouth opens afterwards as he moans. His voice might be the sexiest voice you have ever heard.
“Don’t stop.”
“Mh-hm. Touch your clit, beloved, trust me.”
You do. Everything he has shown you turned out to be amazing. You drop your right hand to your cunt and play with your clit, trying to mimic the movements of his tongue.
You yelp and throw your left hand over your mouth. Embarrassment only lasts a second before pleasure takes you hostage and you mewl behind your palm as your cunt throbs around him.
“That’s it, play with yourself. Holy fuck, you’re so tight. Mhmhm”, he encourages you, straightening up to his knees to pull your legs open and pound your pussy stupid.
It adds pressure to the warmth. Like this, you can feel the penetration so clearly, you can feel how he leaves you only to reconnect with you inch by fucking inch, you can even feel how your walls react to him. How they pulsate and burn in pleasure.
“Perfect, you’re perfect. You’re fucking perfect”, Taehyung chants, heavy balls slapping your ass and fingers bruising your legs. He is licking where his mouth rests, drooling all over your skin because you have him pussy drunk.
You panic because it feels so good, retreating your hand. Taehyung however pulls it back, pressing your fingers to your clit.
“Don’t deny yourself. You deserve to feel pleasure”, he orders, glare dark and conquering.
Dazed and dizzy, you begin playing with your clit. The pressure in your cunt, which scared you with its intensity, returns. You feel your eyes roll back and then everything becomes just a little blurry.
You have to scream, fishing for the pillow with your left hand. But Taehyung removed it, he took away your safety measure. And the only thing left to do is scratch his abs and beg.
“Stop. Please stop.”
Taehyung stumbles to a stop, grunting out a mewl. He lowers your legs, rubbing them gently with shaky hands. It is obvious that stopping is painful for him, but that he tries to be kind with you.
“Too much? I can slow down, it’s alright for me”, he offers, clearly lying. He will slow down but it will torture him. He is so fucking respectful.
“I have to have a pillow. You make me scream.”
“Mhhm beloved.” His gaze darkens. He shakes his head and bends forward to put his hand over your mouth, “use me.”
Submission gleams so prettily in your eyes, your mewl tickles his palm.
“My darling, your face is so cute. I can almost cover it completely.”
You writhe, reminding his cock how much he aches for sex. Taehyung pulls out and it aches for this tiny second he is not inside. He thrusts back in and bolts of pleasure shoot through you in delight and happiness from having him again. It repeats itself over and over again. Emptiness followed by complete bliss.
Your eyes roll back and stay half-lidded. Just like this you fall back into the pleasure, dragging him right with you. You play with yourself, moaning behind his hand. Taehyung learns in the most toe-curling way that your body instinctively reacts to clit play by rocking your hips. You are too far gone to follow his rhythm and so he follows yours which makes it so much more intense. You hold your legs open so far, you are so into him. Taehyung can barely keep up, feeling the pleasure all up in his head.
“Play with yourself, keep playing with yourself. You’re doing so well. Yes darling, play with yourself.”
He encourages you so sweetly and you feel so safe with his hand on your mouth that you can fully relax into this. Your mind is on nothing else but the sex and how good he feels. It is so freeing to finally not worry constantly. You are so happy and it feels so good.
Oh gods, it feels so good.
So fucking good.
The pressure is building rapidly, growing and growing every time he is deep inside. Quite frankly, your mind and body entirely focus on this specific sensation. Deep pressure.
You tighten up involuntarily. Taehyung moans shakily, dragging his hand from your mouth to search for support. You follow it with your tongue, parting your lips for his fingers when they passes them. His palm rests halfway on your throat, his fingers sit in your mouth as you suck on them. And Taehyung swears that he cries.
He thought that he needed to give you at least half a year to act this way. But you are completely unhinged, sucking on his fingers as you play with your clit. He swears that you will make his eyes cross and stay there.
He fucks harder because he is reaching desperate levels of holding back. He cannot blow his load before you had another orgasm, but fuck, you make it hard not to. He has to get you there. Soon. So soon.
Taehyung spits on his other hand and places it over yours, joining your fingers on your clit. His hand dominates over you, working with you to get you there. And it is happening fast. His hands really, really, turn you on.
“I have to come, I have to come. Taehyung, I’m coming”, you mewl around his fingers.
You warned him, but he still wasn’t ready. He knows that you are sensitive, but damn you are so goddamn receptive to his touches. All he did was place his hand over yours and you are already climaxing on his cock. He doesn’t slow down. He keeps pounding you.
You try to make it easier by taking your own hand away from your throbbing clit, coming to learn that your orgasm sits so much deeper than on your clit. That void, once aching for cock, is going to spill over any second now.
And Taehyung makes it grow by using his spit-slickened fingers to play with your clit, rubbing and massaging her with slight pressure. He is quick and precise, knowing exactly where and how to touch.
You pull his fingers out of your mouth so you can hold his hand. Taehyung redirects it by pinning it down into the pillow, muscles bulging in his arm and chest. Your hips twitch uncontrollably, your feet punch up the sheets.
“I have to pee, Tae I have to-”
“It’s not pee, let it happen”, he growls and fucks his cock against that throbbing spot, pressing his thumb to your clit. You cannot hold it back, convulsing helplessly as he fucks your warm orgasm out of you. You hear it hit the bed, whimpering each time your body tightens and a new wave squirts out of you.
“Yes, ___ yes, ah yes, yesyesyes”, he chants, fucking you through it until it stops. “O-oh. I can’t- Oh… oh fuck!”
Taehyung falls to his elbows, burying his face in the pillow just to scream over and over again. With his deep voice it sounds so sinful that you feel yourself clench down on his cock, scratching his back until you can hold onto his hips. You are so tight and sensitive that his penetration borders painfully pleasurable. He seems unable to stop. It is as if he has been taken over by some desperate ghost.
He screams louder and higher, so much higher, higher until his guttural voice turns into helpless whimpers, followed by complete silence as his body tenses up. He hugs your head, curling his back and tensing it.
Burning warmth fills you. He is having an orgasm. After all the pushing and pulling you did, all the denying and running away, he is showing you how his body reacts to an orgasm. And it will haunt you until all eternity. You hug him, wrapping his legs around him
“Taehyung.”
“Finally. Ah ___. I can’t stop, ah!”
You will never ever push him away again. This is the best thing you have ever experienced.
He drops on top of you afterwards, burying you under his weight. He is heavy, but you like it. In a way, this is bringing you back to reality. His cock is still inside you, throbbing every now and then just as your pussy does. You and he are both sweating, panting in the silence.
Your blood rushes in your head, your fingers tingle.
Fuck, the night is really silent now that you think about it.
“Oh heavens”, you let out, covering your face which results in you hugging his back.
“What’s wrong?” he mumbles into the pillow.
“I think everyone heard us.”
“Maybe, but fuck them. I’m not going to feel ashamed for feeling good.”
“You’re a danger, you know? How can you care so little about what the court thinks of you?”
“If they can send me to war without batting an eye, they can take the fact that I love sex with my wife once I’m back again.”
“Well, if you put it like that…”
He chuckles and wrestles himself to his elbows. He looks properly fucked up, eyelids heavy and lips curled into a droopy smile. His cheeks are rosy. His lips are too.
“I really loved it”, he says, voice heavy in adoration.
“Me too. It was, like, amazing.”
His smile grows, hand cradling your cheek and lips stealing a kiss.
“You’re perfect”, he whispers, properly flustering you. He kisses you once more, then drops his nose against your cheek. “Fuck, I’m fucked. You ruined me.”
“Same. Taehyung, what was that liquid? Did I pee myself?”
“You squirted. It’s when a woman has a really intense orgasm. You can think of it as female ejaculation.”
“Oh this makes so much sense. I read about squirting in one of my journals before. Ah, I should have made the connection. How interesting, now I know how this feels. It’s a shame that the mattress is wet though and-”, you ramble, but a cough cuts you short.
“Are you alright?” Taehyung asks, voice soaked in fondness and gaze warm.
“I breathed through my mouth so much that my throat is dry.”
“Wait, allow me.”
He slips out of you and rolls out of bed, hurrying to the water jug. You miss him the second he is gone, sitting up to follow him with your eyes. Your heart palpitates, you feel so light.
His naked body is terribly exciting to look at. Especially after experiencing him so intimately.
“Your legs are really long.”
“What?”
You gesture at him.
“Your legs are really long and your proportions are really balanced.”
“Oh? Thank you”, he flusters, fumbling with his hands, “I’ve never heard that before.”
“Sorry, was that weird? I just really like your height.”
He laughs, “my height?”
“Sorry, was that weird too?”
“No, it was nice. Thank you. I like your height too.”
You giggle, but cough again, “oh, dry mouth.”
“This should help”, he returns with water.
“Thank you.”
You and he sit next to each other as you both hydrate. He finishes first, watching you fondly.
“Where do I put this?”
“Give it to me.”
He discards the glasses by the bed on the floor, watching you comb your fingers through your hair as best as possible. The butterflies in his tummy are at an all-time-high. He feels so giddy.
“I finally get why you did the thing with our hair when we lied to the guards”, you say, having to hide your cheeks behind your hands afterwards.
Your sweet, insanely cute, giggle draws him closer. He kisses your exposed shoulder, caressing your hip and waist. His left hand rests behind your bottom.
“Are you happy?” he whispers.
“I am. Are you happy?”
“I have never been happier.” He kisses your arm, your shoulder and jawline. “You make me so happy”, he whispers.
“You make me happy too. Can I hug you?”
“Yes.”
You move only to tense up and gasp.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Something is wrong.”
“Something…came out. Of me.”
“Ah yes that might be me. Sorry, I couldn’t pull out in time.”
“Oh? Oh! Oh, I understand.” Your face heats up and you look at him giddily. “It feels funny.”
“I’m sorry, let me help you.”
Taehyung gets out of bed a second time and hurries to his wash basin. You have a perfect view of his butt. It is so round and shapely. Very muscular yet still soft enough to have a slight bounce to it.
“Your butt is nice.”
“Excuse me?” he looks over his shoulder, eyes widened.
“You have a nice ass.”
Taehyung fights for words, looking entirely taken aback by your bold, and very dirty, words.
“Thank you”, he settles on a simple show of gratitude, hiding away how insanely flustered you leave him. With burning cheeks, he returns to bed.
“Am I not allowed to say that?” you ask, shy.
“It’s not that. You just surprised me. I’ve never been so analysed before.”
“Sorry, it’s part of my job. And you’re my husband, I want to know everything about you.”
His blush grows, reaching his ears. He chuckles to cover up his giggle.
“Just wash up and stop making my heart race.”
He soaked two cloths in the water and so you clean yourselves next to each other. It is so deeply intimate; being naked and cleaning your private parts; it floods your bodies with oxytocin and connects you deeply. Quite frankly, it is the most intimate thing you have done all evening.
“Is this better?” He asks, placing the bowl aside after you both got clean.
“Yes. Now I can do this.”
You fall around his neck, burying your hand in his hair. Taehyung melts with you, eyes closed and nose properly nuzzled into your neck. You smell like yourself and good sex.
“I’m so happy.”
“I’m happy too.”
“I cannot believe that I did all that. It feels like I can touch the moon. It was so nice”, you gush, sending his heart into overdrive.
He holds you closer because this is all he can do. Your naked skin against his’ is so comforting. You are so warm and so soft.
He could do this for hours, days even, but you break it. You scoot back and stare at him so intensely that he feels shy.
“What?” he asks.
You grab him, squeezing his arms, then his chest and lastly his face. He giggles, fleeing you with his shoulders lifted to his ears. He has never been so pampered before. It raises his pulse.
“Are you real?” you ask.
“I am.”
You rub his neck, eyes racing over his face.
“I don’t want to look away. I’m scared that if I did, I would miss something.”
Taehyung giggles and drops into the sheets, hiding his face halfway in the pillow.
“I really like your smile.”
“Stop”, he flusters, hiding completely.
“Do I fluster you?”
He nods his head.
“Now you know how I always feel.”
He snickers and pulls you down to steal a kiss. You grant him his wish, pulling the blanket over your bodies and settling into the pillow afterwards. You and he both rest on your stomachs this way, facing each other on the same pillow.
You are on the right side of the bed, away from the wet stains your passionate moment left. It is so cozy under the blanket.
He dances his fingertip over your features, painting a deep sense of tranquillity on them. You have never looked at him like this. His entire body feels weightless because of it.
You shimmy closer, caressing his back. You even go as low as his tailbone, fingertips ghosting over his upper buttocks every now and then.
Taehyung holds his breath, heart beating quickly. Your hands took the same paths exactly dozen times before when you massaged him, but it never felt like this before. This is making him shiver.
You dance your fingertips up his spine and down again.
“I feel like I can touch the sky”, you whisper.
“I feel the same”, he whispers back.
“When you got loud and then tensed up, did you have a pinnacle?”
“I did. I held out longer than I thought. You should praise me for it.”
“Yes? Would that delight you?”
“Mhm-hm.”
“Good job for holding out.”
“Ah, that feels good. More praises please”, he is acting cute.
“Your face is really symmetrical. I want to stare at it long enough that I can paint it blindfolded.”
“More, I like this so much.”
“The, uhm, tongue stuff you did made me so hot. Did you invent it?”
“I invented my movements, but no I didn’t invent the whole thing. Oral sex is pretty popular.”
“Oral sex. Wow. And people have that?”
“Yeah.”
“I learned so much tonight. Wow. So I could do it back to you?”
He nods his head. Your eyes flit to his lips.
“Wow.”
Taehyung steals a kiss, “and yes, before you ask, I’d like it if you did it back.”
“I see. This is exciting. I’m only ten percent embarrassed about it, which means a lot.”
He laughs, “mhm, ten percent. I see that I still have to work my tongue a little more.”
“Oh? Tae, gods.”
He snickers and pecks your lips. Afterwards he settles back in the pillow, gazing at you.
“Praise me more.”
“This is fun, I like praising you. When you were inside me, I felt even hotter. I was burning. Yes, it was so, so fiery.”
“What else?” he is practically gleaming because of your words.
“You can move really well and I like your voice. And your touch and your scent. I just really like you.” Your eyes light up. “Oh! Oh! Wait! I have a story for you!”
“Tell me.”
“Twas a healer and she was married to a general. He was the kindest and most beautiful man. She feels lucky to be his wife.”
“Holy fuck, I can’t do this”, he hides, giggling. “Where did my shy ___ go? Why are you talking this way?”
“She left when you officially made me your wife. Expect more of these things when the court isn’t listening. Maybe even in my office.”
He peeks at you, cheeks puffing out from smiling so much.
“You say the sweetest things”, he says, eyes glowing from love.
“I really like being married to you, Tae”, you whisper, rubbing his neck and playing with his hair.
“Me too”, he breathes.
You stub his nose with your own and kiss his lips. He swears that for a short moment, the very stars were in his reach. This side of you is new and it feels so good to experience. Taehyung loves being adored.
“Gosh, look at me. I spent one night with you and I cannot get enough of you.”
“You won’t push me away again, will you?”
“No. No, I don’t want to. I just want to be with you. If that is alright.”
“It is more than alright.”
“Good”, you say and fall onto your back, stretching your limps which results in you burying him under them halfway. “I feel alive. I had all of these, these feelings and desires inside me and I swear I wanted to burst.”
You giggle and kick the air.
“I’m on top of the world right now. It feels so good to do something for myself for once.”
“Holy fuck, ___.” Taehyung rolls on top of you, cradling your face. “Holy fuck, let me be with you again. I’ll slip it in gently. Holy fuck, I’m obsessed with you.” Taehyung kisses you, but you break it just to giggle.
You rub his cheeks softly, eyes filled with love.
“As much as I want to, I cannot go again. I am so tired. But in a good way.”
“I see.” He drops his head and rolls off you. “My hunger has to torture me, so I see. I am suffering.”
You snicker, stubbing his nose. Taehyung grins at you. He likes that you liked his joke. Truly, before he met you he was not a man of jokes. He saw no purpose in them, but with you, he wants to be goofy.
“Tomorrow morning you can have me, yes?” You place your hand on his butt. “I will have you all the way too.”
“Are you serious? You would dare to do it in the morning?”
“Mh-hm. I am a changed woman. Fuck the court. I shall have you in the morning for breakfast, then I shall kiss you for lunch and I shall have you again for dinner, and nobody can stop me. If they can send you away from me, they can take that we like sex with each other.”
“Oh, wow”, he laughs breathily, “you are indeed a changed woman.”
“I am and I feel invincible. It’s your fault.”
“Mine?”
“Yes. You tempted me.”
“I won’t apologise.”
You and he snicker, stubbing noses. This is so incredibly comforting and nice. You hold hands, eyes getting lost in each other.
“I’m so happy”, he whispers.
“I’m happy too.”
“Are you hungry? I could sneak to the kitchen and get us something.”
“No, I think I’d rather just look at you until I fall asleep.” You tug a strand of his hair behind his ear. “Unless you are hungry.”
“No, I want to do the same.”
“Then it’s settled.” You yawn. “Oh the day is catching up with me. I am spent.”
“Did you take breaks?”
“Of course I didn’t.”
“___.”
“I know, I’m sorry. But good thing is that I will take a lazy morning tomorrow.”
“Not entirely lazy. I will have you arch your back.”
“This just made my tummy hot. Don’t ever say this to me in public.”
“Or what?”
“I will soak down my legs.”
“Oh wow. You are really honest.”
“Mh-hm I am. Do you want to know something?”
“Anything.”
“Whenever you talked about your hands or you moved them, I became very wet.”
Taehyung widens his eyes, “who are you?”
You pull your hands back, eyes clouding over fearfully.
“Do you not like me now?”
“What? No! I love you.” He kisses your forehead and cheek. “I’m just not used to you being so honest. Don’t stop, however you must expect more kisses because of it.”
“Yes, alright. I can accept that.”
He grumbles happily, changing positions so he can snuggle into you. You allow him, feeling fireworks of happiness explode in your chest when Taehyung nuzzles into your chest and his arms close around you. He kisses your chest then looks up at you with big puppy eyes.
“You promise that you won’t push me away again?” he whispers.
“I promise. You won’t get rid of me.”
“Then kiss me and seal it.”
You kiss him as best as the compromised position allows you to. Taehyung purrs, keeping his eyes closed afterwards as he settles back against your chest.
“I’m really happy.”
“I’m happy too, Tae.”
You keep rubbing and scratching his back. Taehyung swears that he will fall asleep any second now. He forces his eyes to stay open so he wouldn’t miss a single thing. You sigh sleepily, fingers slowing down more and more.
“What if we didn’t have to care about the court?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“After my parents married, they moved into the royal family hanok. The walk to the hospital would be a little longer, but we would have our own house, separated from the court and their prying ears.”
“Are you asking me to move?”
“Not far. It would still be within the palace walls. Just further north, with its own garden and walls and everything. Have you ever been?”
“Not inside, but I know where your family’s hanok is.”
“It is beautiful inside. We would have our own living room and a separate house for the servants. You could fill the library with your medical journals and we would even have our own bathing chamber.”
You smile softly, playing with his hair. You love to pamper him.
“It sounds nice, but what about your mother?”
“She is in the countryside palace with my aunt and definitely does not plan on returning.”
“What if the king disagrees?”
“He did at first, until I explained to him that I can make death look like an accident very easily.”
“You threatened him??”
“At first I wanted to kill him, but then I remembered that this would throw our country into disarray. I cannot claim the throne through murder, at least not without thought behind it. It wouldn’t be the correct way. So I held back and threatened him.”
“How did he take it?”
“Badly at first, until I told him that I will never bring up his attempted blackmail again if he lets us live in peace.”
“And you think that this is enough?”
“For now it is. Until I come up with a plan on what to do for our country. It cannot stay this way, but I need to be thoughtful with the execution.”
“I agree. I will be with you every step of the way, just please don’t get hurt.”
“I won’t. I have you by my side”, he says and smiles.
You retort it, kissing his nose.
“Can we really move in together?”
“Yeah. He cannot deny royal blood to move to the royal hanok. I am still his sister’s son and the only male in the bloodline.”
“Sometimes I forget that I am married to the prince until you remind me.”
He looks up at you, eyes glistening in devotion.
“I will use this privilege to provide for you. I want to give you a comfortable life, my beloved.”
“Oh Taehyung.”
“And perhaps we can find space for your brother. You know how big my family’s home is, he can have one of the smaller houses.”
“You would do that for him?”
“I would.”
“Oh, Taehyung”, you get out and pull him against your chest, “I am falling in love with you more and more.”
“Good, because I love you so much that you have become part of my heart.”
I love how you included "his hands" 4x in the warnings because honestly they are the biggest threat to my sanity 😵💫
It was sweet and hot and cute and freaky 🤪
Taehyung is a much better man than me, because I wouldn't let the king get away with his bullshit. But he has once again proven his maturity, wisdom, and concern for his country.
Warnings: making out in public, secret touches in a bookshop 😶, rubbing him over his clothes, strength kink obvs., edged!tae who will lose it soon, old-fashioned traditions & values, old men talking when they shouldn't iykyk, a lot of shaming around having sexual needs, old men SHUT UP, the king is an ASSHOLE, wow he can choke, very confused!Reader who is going to have a nervous breakdown at this point, my poor girl, but also poor tae, pulling away but it's honestly painful at this point, so many tears, anxious thoughts, one scene is honestly the "blind leading the blind" trope fajdsf, min yoongi comes to save the day, self-inflicted wounds, this is not historically accurate, yall this story has a happy ending i swear to you
Wordcount: 14.3k | Minors DNI you will be blocked & reported
a/n: big shoutout to @fancycollectormoon for saying "i hope the king chokes" in my dms and giving me inspiration. you genuinely elevated the chapter so much OMFG. and also plot-related: i have a new enemy on top of the king, we ride at dawn besties. honestly tae is a fucking saint and reader needs some loving fr. please bear with her she is going through it. i genuinely want the king to choke :) leave some comments and let's talk about general!Tae and how lovely he is ❤
You stumble into the office ready to cry when you come to an abrupt stop.
Four guards and two servants surround none other than the king. One of the guards has to be on all fours and another has to serve as a back rest for the king to sit on while the servants massage his feet.
“Your Majesty?” You wipe your face, bowing. You feel deeply embarrassed. Understandable, because entering another’s rooms without announcement is a terribly rude thing to do. Especially for the king who should be the most mannerly of the don. “I did not expect your visit. What brings you here, Your Majesty?” you ask, attempting to cover your tear marks as best as possible.
The king gestures you to sit down.
“Bring us tea”, he orders one of the guards, snapping his fingers.
“Should I help?” you offer him.
“No, he can do it himself.”
The guard scurries to the herbal corner, hiding his distaste behind a polite smile. Well that’s great, a stranger rummaging through your stock.
“I would actually prefer to help.”
“I said sit.”
“But I have an order to these herbs and-”
“Sit! Before I break your legs!” the king screams at you.
You sit down, biting back tears. You cannot bear any other person yelling at you. Not today. Not when you are fighting with Taehyung and it already leaves you feeling vulnerable.
“Do you need aid, Your Majesty?” you ask, ogling the guard every now and then. He works very carefully, trying to be as respectful as possible. Every words is difficult to speak, your throat is so tight from holding back tears.
“No.”
The king spreads his legs as he sits, looking around the office. He picks up a few patient scrolls which you haven’t had the time to sort into the shelf yet. The struggles of the mentioned patients leave him cold and he throws the scrolls back on the desk. It completely ruins your system. You want to cry, but have to stay strong. Just bear through it, you can still cry once he is gone.
“How are the recovery rates?” the king asks. His interest is surprising.
“The soldiers recover very well, thanks to their efforts. Namjoon has almost entirely regained function of his arm and Jungkook walks better day by day.”
“Who?”
You struggle for words, “the men whose scrolls you just read.”
The king looks at them, pursing his lips.
“I didn’t read them. They were too simple for me.”
He definitely did not understand them.
“And the infirmary? Lots of new soldiers coming in?” he asks.
“As of recently, the numbers are decreasing. With the end of the war, we can focus our energy on recovery.”
“So if you had to give me a time frame, how long until my troops are battle ready again?”
A sharp, painful blade gets twisted in your stomach. His new found empathy finally makes sense. He does not care about his men’s welfare, he wants to know when he can start another war.
“I cannot say, Your Majesty. The men’s health is my biggest priority.”
“Well, make it a bigger priority. I want my troops battle ready by spring.”
“If I may, Your Majesty.”
“You may.”
“Are you planning another war?”
“Of course I am. Although my useless nephew refuses to cooperate. Perhaps you could put in a good word with him, convince him that conquering the south is a good idea.”
You blink in shock. He truly believes that you would do such a thing.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Your Majesty.”
“What?” he darkens his eyes.
“I, I just meant that the general is such a strong minded man, I do not know how much he will listen to me.”
“Yes, true. You are only a woman after all”, the king says under his breath, scratching his chin.
The soldier returns with the tea. He prepares it while the king speaks.
“How about you convince my nephew about the war and I will make an exemption about your marriage.”
“What do you mean?”
“Work for me, you know just give me some intel on him every now and then, and I will grant you the possibility to share a bed with him.”
This shocks you. He is bribing you. His idiotic rules are his way of controlling people. They have never been about manners or good behaviour, they have always been about power. You wonder how many couples he has under his control because he promises them “exemption from the rules”. You have underestimated how calculating he is.
Something begins to form in your stomach. Something you have never felt before: hatred.
“Because let me tell you something, this war is going to happen whether my nephew wants it or not. I am the greatest leader this world has ever seen and I will have the south under my blessed control.”
Your blood curls in your veins. You feel like throwing up.
The king lifts the teacup and drinks. He drinks and drinks and chokes. The rest of the tea gets spilled. He is choking a lot, fighting for air. His eyes bulge, his head turns red and he is grasping his own throat.
You should help him. There is a man choking in front of you. You should help him.
The king grasps the edge of the desk, gasping for air which he never gets because he is coughing so much. If he dies, Taehyung becomes king and you wouldn’t have to worry about more war.
You should help him. But what if you didn’t? No more wars, no more rules of abstinence, no more nightmares for Taehyung. No more king.
You should help him.
No more king. No more war. No more death and killing.
You should help him. He is so close to passing out. Help him.
But nobody else is. Why should you help? He is the king, he can help himself.
His bulging eyes spill tears by now. He is gagging and retching.
No more wars. No more fear of being caught. Taehyung would never have to leave again. Eternal peace. Just a few more seconds.
“Your Majesty! Are you alright?” One of the guards hurries to the table, hitting his back. One by one, the other people in the room jump to help.
You snap out of your trance. What were you thinking? You are a healer, you do not hurt people, you help them. You jump to your feet and help the guard until the king stops coughing.
He drops on the poor kneeling guard, grasping his own throat.
“Take it easy, your majesty”, you say, rubbing his shoulder, “are you feeling better again?”
“Your useless tea almost killed me”, he spits and throws the cup on the ground. It splatters into countless pieces. Yet another thing ruined by the king.
Perhaps you never should have helped him. After all, if the guard hadn’t, maybe nobody else had. You exchange a vast glance with him. Regret fills his eyes. The language this quick exchange of glances speaks is loud and clear, and something that can never be spoken aloud. You were not the only one hesitating.
“You, help me to my feet.”
“Your Majesty.”
“And you bring me my shoes. I am done here.”
“You may rest for a while longer if you wish, your majesty”, you say.
“Will you convince my nephew or not?”
“I will try, but I cannot guarantee anything.”
“Well, make it work.”
He blobs down on the kneeling soldier harshly, ignoring his pained grunt. He sticks his grimy feet up into the faces of his servants, giving them a difficult time putting on his shoes.
“You brew terrible tea.”
“Forgive me, Your Majesty. I will work on myself”, the guard says, bowing down.
The king stands up.
“And you.” He points at you. “I order you to convince my nephew or you can kiss your nights together goodbye.”
“Your majesty, we-”
“Kneel for me.”
You hesitate at first, but know that you have to. You fall to your knees, balling your hands to fists.
“Remember your place.” He snaps his fingers. “We are leaving.”
The disturbance of peace leaves as quickly as he arrived. You lock the door, biting back tears. If you do not spy on Taehyung, you will never be able to kiss him again.
The king’s visit haunts you for the rest of the day, distracting you from your sorrows. You should feel remorse for hesitating, but all you feel is regret. Regret for getting up and regret for rubbing his shoulders. If you weren’t a healer, chained to an oath, perhaps you never would have jumped up.
It would have made your life so much easier. It would have made life easier for everyone.
You groan in defeat, leaving your table. It is useless. No matter how much you attempt to journal, you cannot form proper thoughts. You need to talk to somebody.
Somebody who will understand you.
Filled with rage, you leave your room and stomp to Taehyung’s room. You knock rather vividly.
Fuck the rules. The king is a stupid asshole and his rules can kiss your ass. They have never been about manners anyway, so why should you care?
You knock another time.
You lost any ounce of respect for him today. First he uses other humans as furniture and orders his poor guards around. He blackmails you. And he has zero respect for the poor men who lose so much in his stupid wars. He should have choked on his tea.
You knock some more.
Nobody else jumped to help. You could have just let it happen. Next time you will help him choke. You will make sure that it actually works. Fuck, you have to tell Taehyung about this or you might explode. You have never felt so angry in your life.
You knock and knock.
He should have choked. And to think how many nerves you wasted on being frightened by the rules. What will this asshole do? Call you unmannerly? Force you to sleep apart? He can try, he will see what this gets him.
You knock.
It is not like he can exile you for disobeying.
You knock.
Or close the hospital.
You stop.
He is the king. He can definitely do all of these things and worse. He can send Taehyung back to war just because he feels like it. He could have him killed “in an accident”.
You could kill Taehyung and you wouldn’t even have had a chance to apologise.
The painful lump in your throat returns. Knocking is now motivated by panic not rage. This is weird. It is the middle of the night, Taehyung should be here. Why is he not answering? You need him, you feel so lost without him.
“Sire? Can I come in please?”
The room stays silent. The lump grows, pressing down on your heart. Perhaps he is ignoring you.
“Sire, I’m sorry for earlier. I acted like a child and I’m really sorry.” You knock and try the door. It is unlocked.
The mannerly, well-behaved part of you tells you to close it and return to your room. The anxious, clingy part of you tells you to go inside and seek comfort in Taehyung. It wins.
You slide the door open against your better judgement and stick your head into his room. The lanterns from the hallway illuminate it faintly. The view churns your stomach and the incident with the king lies forgotten for now.
His room is empty. Nothing changed from when he was here last. His bed is still done, the sheets are tugged under the mattress neatly and the pillows are arranged nicely. As if Taehyung had never slept here. All of his candles are cold and hard, and his table has clearly not been used in a few days. To make matters worse, his sword and warm coat are missing.
He has not been in his room today. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t been home all day. You know because you tried to find him right after the incident with the king, but could not. Back then you blamed it on him being busy with military stuff, but if it is something different. What if…
“No. Nonono.”
What if he left the capital?
You break your swollen eyes away from the bed to check who knocked on your doors. You don’t care who will enter. You care about nothing because everything sucks. You slept on the floor tonight because you couldn’t stand lying in the bed where you and Taehyung laid. Not because of shame or disgust, but because you missed him so much and you couldn’t bear the loneliness.
An entire day passed by now and Taehyung has not returned. Truth be told, you tried to seek out Taehyung again this morning. Once you woke, back stiff from the floor and eyes swollen from crying, you actually dragged your heavy feet to his bedchambers. They were still empty however and so you left, feeling sad and disappointed.
“Yes?” you croak.
The doors open just a small gap.
“Are you alone? May we enter?”
“Yes.”
Your servants enter with breakfast. They make their way to the table. Their curious gazes feel heavy to receive. You can see that they are trying to make out if Taehyung was present this morning. It explains their hesitation upon entering. You wish to hide away, but brave through it. You wonder how many people they told yesterday. It must be so many. Too many. Did they hear about what you did at the hospital? Are you condemned to a life of shame?
“Your breakfast, Mistress.”
“Thank you.”
Surprisingly enough they leave you until the end of breakfast. By now, your nerves have not calmed down and the memories are not easier to bear. Truly, this situation will bring yet another sleepless night.
The servants seem more nervous as they clear the table. You still avoid eye contact, but change when they place a tray of tea down. There are multiple mugs on it.
You look at them with scrunched brows. They are all hiding behind the head servant Naerae, stifling their giggles.
“Yes?”
“We, uhm, we think that you and the General are really inspiring”, she says and instantly breaks into giggles with the others. They all nod their heads, holding each other.
“Excuse me?”
“To not care about the court’s rules and stay together because your love is too strong, oh Mistress this is so romantic.”
“I wish me and my husband were brave enough to break this rule.”
“Me too, I dream of sharing a bed with him each night and to wake in the morning burning in lust.”
Their giggles grow. They are giddy and shy, but agree with the servant’s rather raunchy confession.
“I don’t understand.”
“Yesterday. When we ran in on you. Oh Mistress, we were so nervous to enter today in case you were with him again. It is thrilling. Did he leave already?”
“Wait. You…aren’t judging me?” you gasp.
“Judging you? Of course not Mistress, you are inspiring”, Naerae says and sits down. One by one the other servants follow, gathering around you just as you gathered around Lady Inna at Moonbar.
“The general must love you so much if he is willing to break the rules.”
“Oh, so romantic. Mistress, I am so jealous. I wish to have a husband like yours in the future.”
“Does he whisper to you about his love for you late at night? I always dreamed of it.”
The mention of Taehyung sits heavy on your heart. It has barely been a day and you miss him like crazy.
“He, uhm”, you begin, “he confessed that he does not care for the rules because he longs to be my husband”, you say hesitantly, hoping that this is what they wish to hear. You regret that you pushed him away when he said. You should have fallen into him and loved him.
The other women break into furious giggles, exchanging giddy looks and slapping each other’s arms softly. They…like this. They aren’t appealed by what you did, instead they dream of it. This morning brings the most enlightening revelation.
“And he said that he wants to worship me.”
They scream, throwing themselves all over the place at your confession. Somehow you understand why Lady Inna tells these kinds of stories. Such reactions are validating to receive.
“He must burn for you. No man would act this way if his soul didn’t yearn for his woman.”
“I am sure that he does. Have you seen the way he looks at the Mistress? His eyes glow for her.”
“They do?” you ask.
“Of course they do.”
“I heard from the healers that he feeds you, does he truly?”
You nod your head, making them giggle and fidget.
“He is full of surprises. He seems so cold-hearted when he walks the halls.”
“No, he is actually very tender and kind. His heart is so warm and golden.”
They snicker, cheeks flushed in giddiness.
“Does he hold you when you sleep?”
“He does”, you say, earning yourself more giggles.
“I am sure that his arms are so safe to find rest in.”
“Oh, the general is such a strong man. He must protect you so well.”
Memories of how he protected you against the lawless flash up in your mind, and how you only found sleep in his presence.
“He does”, you say, voice softer than before.
“Does he make you laugh?”
Memories of how he made you laugh with his tickles course through your head, and how happy you were in these moments.
“He does.”
“Oh he loves you so much.” Naerae looks at the other healers. “Men only try to make a woman laugh if they like her”, she states matter-of-factly.
“Is that so?” they ask.
“Yes, I heard it from Lady Inna.”
They giggle, glancing at you giddily. You have never felt more aware of your existence than you do right now. Your heart is pounding.
“Does he…Mistress, does he kiss you in the halls?” one of them asks.
“I haven’t allowed him yet.”
“What?” A choir of gasps explodes out of them.
“Mistress, you must!”
“Please Mistress, you have to do it!”
You fluster, looking at your lap.
“You are asking big things of me.”
“No, but you must. I am sure that you would set his heart aflame.”
“Oh dear”, you let out, covering your face.
The other women giggle and poke you lovingly. It feels welcoming and sisterly.
“You must be so happy with him.”
“He…” Warmth fills your chest when you think of him. “Yes, I’m happy with him.”
“Oh Mistress, so romantic!”
They snicker and you finally dare to look at them.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Mistress.”
“Do you think that the rules are useful? You can be truthful with me.”
“Oh, uhm. You know, Mistress. The king must have his reasons for them and we do not doubt his wisdom, but we have yet to find the use of them.”
“I see. Thank you for your honesty.”
“Of course, Mistress.”
“And one more thing. Is it unnatural to, you know, think of my husband all day?”
“It is not. I think of my husband all the time. You are in love with him, Mistress.”
“But I shouldn’t be thinking of him so much. He infuriates me because when I see him, I wish to kiss him a-and do uncourtly things.”
They snicker, covering their mouths.
“Forgive me, I spoke without thinking”, you say, eyes widened in shock.
“Oh Mistress, don’t apologise. You love him so much that he steals your sanity. He haunts your thoughts each waking hour until you are bursting in desire for him. This is true love.”
“I see. Did you tell people what he and I did? I swear that we meant no harm with it.”
“We didn’t tell anyone. What if the king hears and tries to punish you? No, we cannot tell anyone of your morning.”
“Wow. This is… so kind of you. Thank you so much”, you say, feeling a million pounds lighter in relief. You believe that they will keep your secret. Perhaps you worried for nothing.
“Of course, Mistress. Who are we to stop you from being with each other? Your desire for one another is too strong to contain. You must be seething in hunger for him, as he must for you.”
“Alright, alright stop. Gods, you are more sinful with your words than Lady Inna.”
Naerae snickers, nodding her head in agreement. You cover your cheeks.
“I feel like fainting.”
They snicker, nudging you gently. Perhaps what you and Taehyung did wasn’t as terrible as you feared it would be, and Taehyung was right about these rules all along. Nobody at court actually wants them and most importantly, nobody judges as harshly as you feared.
You leave the palace after breakfast, slipping past the guards and prying eyes. You couldn’t really sleep last night, replaying the morning you had with Taehyung over and over again, together with the king’s visit and most of all your idiotic behaviour at the hospital. You want to apologise to him. Especially now that your servants encouraged you so much.
You have been too harsh with him. They said that he burns for you. Perhaps you shouldn’t feel as conflicted about your actions as you do. You and he are officially married and physical touch seems to be allowed, however, you believed it to be solely a thing of duty. You did not plan for passion, for attraction and pleasure. You did not plan to lose control over your body whenever he is close. You did not plan for it at all. Especially not in front of others. And it is difficult to accept that your hunger for him makes you do such reckless things.
Because even without the king’s rules, society values manners. Public sex is not mannerly, never has been.
You arrive in the trading district rather early, having to pass the alleyway of your escapade. You try not to linger, increasing your steps. His touch tingles on your skin like a tattoo, his kiss ghosts over your lips as a reminder.
His behaviour during yesterday’s morning haunts you. He seemed so desperate for you. You had no idea that he could get wet as well, nor that a…male reproductive organ (you refuse to call it anything else, as it is too giddying) could swell so much. He felt so good to hold. The memory gives you a truly difficult time.
With your body temperature raised, you enter the first shop. The pharmacy because the hospital is running low on a few medicines. The older gentleman knows you, greeting you with a smile.
“Mistress Healer, what can I do for you on this snowy day?”
“Good morrow. The hospital needs to restock. I have made a list of everything I need.”
He picks it up and reads it.
“This can be done. I can have my boys deliver it by midday.”
“Perfect. I also have another list, but I need these herbs instantly.”
He skims through it, furrowing his brows.
“These are herbs to calm the nervous system. You must be under a lot of stress at the hospital.”
“You know how it is. It is a lot of work, but I wouldn’t change it for anything else”, you say, keeping the real reason for your purchase hidden. You want to brew tea with them to calm down your nerves because your current situation is playing with them like a gayageum.
“We are lucky to have you, Mistress Healer.”
If you had to confess your full truth, you did not just visit his bedchambers last night briefly, you waited inside them for many hours in hopes that Taehyung might return. But he never did. You still have no idea where he went because you also have not seen him this morning, despite waiting. The possibility that perhaps he could have left the capital is whispering to you louder and louder, filling you with dread.
You would not blame him if he did and after all the crap you pulled, he has every right to do so. It would still hurt a lot. Truly, you are starting to get a taste of your own medicine and you hate it.
The next stop on your list of merchants is the fabric store for more linen fabric.
“My daughter saw you at Moonbar last time you went”, Mister Choi says.
“She did?” You ask, stomach churning in panic. Did she witness your sin? Will she tell the king? Must you leave the capital as well to escape the punishment?
“Yes, yes. She told me that you and the general got along well.”
“What did she see?”
“Just some conversation. Why?”
“Oh nothing. I was simply curious because I did not see her and I worried I acted rudely.”
“Oh no, no. Worry not. She said she was upstairs.” He chuckles fondly. “Young people and their nights out. Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“I will, Mister Choi.”
“Now enough gossiping. I have something that you and your husband might like. Wait for a moment.”
You leave the shop with a matching pair of mittens his wife made for you and Taehyung. They are soft and really warm. It is a very practical gift, keeping you company as you wander through the market. As always, the people greet you and wish you a good day. They know you and to your relief, seem unaware of your indiscretions. Truly, your steps feel a lot lighter as time goes on because your secrets are only something between you and Taehyung.
This is not however the time of your full acceptance. To think that he witnessed your indecency is still embarrassing enough. You are so scared that he will think you too sinful and become disgusted, but you cannot even tell him that because he is gone.
To fully and honestly tell the truth: you did not sleep on your floors, you slept on Taehyung’s floors. Yes it is finally out there. You spent your entire night in his room, hoping that he would return, but he never did. And so you snuck back to your room come morning, heart heavy and stomach tight.
Taehyung’s mittens feel heavy in your hands. You really hope that he did not leave. You did not even have a chance to apologise. And if he left, where did he go? When will he return? Will he even return? You are so worried and scared and lonely. Really, really lonely.
You decide to visit the book merchant after drinking a cup of dried persimmon tea. You haven’t been to the merchant in weeks and after all the stress lately, you deserve to treat yourself.
He lifts his head from his finances upon hearing the bell jingle.
“Good day.”
“Good day, Mistress Healer. I see that the paths have crossed today.”
“It seems that they did. How are you feeling?”
“Old, but healthy.”
“Well, I am glad that you are healthy”, you say and disappear into the back of the shop.
You reach the medical section after skimming through the herbalism section first. The book merchant’s words come back to haunt you and finally make sense.
Taehyung is here. You feel trapped in an ever repeating dream. Just like months ago, he is lost in the medical section, trying very hard to pick a book.
Your heart races and your palms turn clammy, your breath hitches in your throat every now and then.
This is not a nightmare, this is a dream. A happy dream.
He did not leave. Taehyung is here. Something inside you snaps. Something rational and reserved.
Overtaken by relief and happiness, you close the distance to him, hugging him from the back.
Taehyung, however, only sees the same shadow that spied on him months ago jump at him from the back. He whips around.
“I’ve got you, spy”, he spits, swooping you off your feet with his arm around your waist. He lifts you so easily, dragging a surprised yelp from your lips.
“No, wait.”
“You think that you can attack me? I know that you have been spying on me.”
“No Sire, wait! You got it all wrong.”
“Be quiet or I will cut your tongue”, he spits angrily and sets you down just to press you against the book shelf. The murderous anger on his features dissipates. “You?”
You whimper, trembling uncomfortably. His grip, once painful, softens. The rage in his eyes dissolves into confusion.
“I don’t understand. Why are you here?” he whispers the words, a vast contrast to his once harsh tone.
“I wanted to browse for books and then I saw you a-and wanted to surprise you.”
“But you. The coat and the hair. I don’t understand. The spy. I don’t.”
“It was me.”
“What?”
“Months ago when you thought that somebody spied on you, it was me.”
Taehyung slips his hands from your arms, gasping for air. Shock, anger, disbelief and hurt wash over his features before it settles on betrayal.
“We barely knew each other and I didn’t want to embarrass you”, you explain, panicking. Why did you confess that???
“So you lied to me? Despite seeing what it did to me?” he says, voice harsh and eyes widened.
“I am so sorry. Once I realised what I had done, it was already too late. I felt so ashamed for lying and putting you into such a situation that I felt keeping it a secret was what’s best.”
This is not good. This is a disaster.
“Best for who? Me? Or you? I felt paranoid for days after. I would have accepted the truth no matter the circumstances.”
“I am truly so sorry. I just didn’t want to embarrass you.”
“This is so typical you”, he inches closer, pointing his finger at you. “You did it for yourself because you couldn’t live with your own embarrassment. Just like you act cold with me whenever your own desires start to embarrass you.”
You gulp, raising your head in your desperate attempt to appear confident. You are not. He is so close to you and your heart is palpitating, and he seems so frustrated. You cannot handle it when people are angry at you. Especially not Taehyung.
“I am sorry for lying to you back then, I didn’t know what else to do. We barely knew each other and I was scared that if I told you, you would get angry.”
“And so you left me feeling paranoid? Oh, you are…” he wags his finger at you. “…so fucking frustrating, I’m telling you. You know what? I’m done. I’m too hungover to give a shit.”
He pushes himself off and stomps away. You can count three steps before he stops and stomps back.
“No actually, how dare you? I had nightmares because of you.”
There is nowhere to go. Your back is against the shelf and his body is taking up far too much space. You try to slither away by the side, but Taehyung prevents you from it with his arm.
“I’m so sorry. Please don’t hurt me”, you plead, staring at the floor.
“Hurt you?”
“I didn’t want to upset you back then, I’m so sorry. I was so embarrassed and scared and I felt awful, I really did. Please don’t hurt me.”
It upsets him to see you shake nervously. He sighs in defeat and cradles your cheeks, tilting your head to him.
“I could never hurt you. You are my darling wife”, he whispers, caressing your skin.
Your cheeks heat up and your breath leaves you erratically.
“Sire…”
“Are you not? Or will you lie to me again?”
“I am your wife, but I…we’re in public.”
He retreats his touch and takes a step back.
“You can leave if you wish to, just please be honest with me before you do.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. Or perhaps that you do not wish me to stay away. Please I cannot live so far from you.”
“Sire…”
“Even now, I should be angry at you for lying, but I can’t. Fuck, I’ve been drinking since yesterday, but I still like you.”
“Oh, Sire.”
“Just please tell me that you can’t stop thinking about me as I cannot stop thinking about you. My heart swells when I think of you, I need to know that you feel the same.”
“And if I do not?” you get out.
“Then you will break my heart.”
The temptation to kiss him is bittersweet. You need to resist. You cannot become a person who acts indecently in public. This cannot become the norm. But his eyes…they actually glow when he looks at you. His skin, it was so soft when you felt it last. His lips, they tasted of paradise. And you miss him so much. It hurt so much to think that he left. You are so hungry and he could take it away: the starvation, the emptiness, the longing. He could take all of it away.
The words of your servants ring in your head. That if you kissed him, you would set his heart aflame.
Perhaps if you gave in just this once, it wouldn’t matter. Perhaps setting his heart aflame is all you wish to do.
“Is that it?” he asks, “will you break my heart just to protect your hon-”
You reach up and cup his face with both hands, eliciting a shaky gasp from him. For only a second, he seems frozen on the spot and his head very obviously empty. You shocked him, entirely taken him by surprise.
Time seems to slow as you dance your thumb to his lips, getting lost in the view of him. He holds his breath, fingers dragging over the books behind you in search for support. His gaze once darkened in frustration softens, glowing like the first sunrays on a fresh day when they are still full of hope.
He is so beautiful. He makes everything else around you feel so unimportant.
You trace his upper lip with your thumb. He whimpers and stumbles closer, elbows resting against the bookshelf and kiss so close to take. He stubs your nose with his’, begging for it with a shaky exhale.
But you do not let him close, you worsen the attraction one second at a time. Each touch you place increases his pulse, your own heart races unbearably.
“Please don’t play with me”, he lets you feel the words, right hand travelling to your waist just to claim it as tenderly as possible. You do not flee him, you lean into the touch, inching closer. How he sighs because of it, how heightened his breath leaves him.
“I went to your room last night.”
“What?”
“You weren’t there of course.”
“I went out drinking with Jimin.”
You run your fingers through his hair, making his lids flutter.
“I wanted to see how you were doing. I’m sorry that I burned you.”
“It was an accident”, he can barely speak because of your loving touch. It is as if your hands were made of pure sunlight and he was a flower starved for the light.
“And I’m sorry for not telling you about the spy.”
“Yeah, that was shitty. I’m not going to lie.”
You nod your head and pull his head down to yours, resting his forehead against you. Taehyung closes his eyes, biting back a whimper. Your affection feels so good.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Sire, but I keep hurting you”, you whisper, cradling his face gently, “I’m so sorry. How can I make it up to you?”
“You could kiss me”, he whispers and leans in for the kiss you both so very much crave. “Like this. Do you want to?”
“Yes”, you say, sliding your hands to the nape of his neck.
Taehyung closes the distance. Your back connects with the bookshelf, fingers tangling in his hair and head turning off. He pushed you just so he could melt with you and hold you as if his arms were made for it.
Time and space is of no relevance to you and him. The floor beneath your feet is made of fluffy clouds and the very stars seem easy to grasp.
He purrs when you reciprocate the rhythm of his lips and sighs when you run your fingers through his hair. He came to this bookshop to buy a present for you because he couldn’t bear the pain of staying away. He thought that he needed presents and bribes to warm your heart, but you found him. Like a ray of light, you brightened up his day and Taehyung doesn’t want to go back into darkness.
He is scared. Scared to fly too high and singe his wings on your light. Because as bright as you are, you also burn painfully. You pull him in only to drop him when he is floating.
Taehyung breaks the kiss only to be pulled back in again by you. He whimpers a little.
This is not the kiss of someone who doesn’t care. Somebody who does not love him back would not cradle his face like you do. Taehyung never needed bribes, all he needed was patience. Maybe he can fly. Maybe your light stopped burning him.
He bends his knees and hooks his arms under your butt, lifting you against the bookshelf this way. You sigh, hooking your arms behind his head and your legs around his waist. You pull him closer. Taehyung stumbles into you, both physically and emotionally. The shelf shakes, knocking books free. They fall loudly, forcing the kiss to break.
“Sssh”, you shush him.
“Sorry”, he murmurs, kissing you as if the mere second of distance left him starving.
You redirect it, “maybe we could leave.”
“Good idea.” He sets you down gently, attacking your neck with kisses and massaging your hips. “I want you like crazy.”
You want him too. Holy fuck, you are one second away from bursting. You cannot hold back on your own needs any longer.
He rolls his hips, purring softly at how eagerly you react by placing your hand where he needed it the most. You tilt your head, exposing it willingly. His pained moan tickles your skin, a needy mewl follows it.
“Don’t touch me there or I’ll blow it.”
“What?”
“You’ve been edging me. For weeks. It does things to a man.”
“But I…really?” You take your hand away.
“Mhhhm fuck, you’re awful. I can’t wait to have you”, he purrs and pulls you back onto his lips. You reciprocate, pressing your face against him as tightly as possible. You pull him with you, stumbling against a stack of books which knocks them over. Loudly.
The kiss breaks. For a second you are both frozen.
“You’re too loud”, you whisper.
“You knocked them over”, Taehyung whispers back, chasing your lips. His eyes are half-lidded and dripping in arousal, hands running over your waist and hips.
You giggle, nudging noses with him. He beams at you, teeth on display in a boxy smile. Even the corners of his eyes crinkle.
“It was an accident”, you say.
“You are so adorable. We should go.”
“Yeah.”
More kisses. You cannot get enough. You burn for each other.
“Mistress Healer, is everything- oh by the- not in my shop, by the heavens”, the book merchant, worried by recent noises, hurried to the back.
You push Taehyung away while he stumbles back. Your stomach cramps in horror. The heaven, which once let you fly, feels like hell dragging you down all of a sudden.
“Mister Kang, you!”
“I did not expect this kind of behaviour from you, Mistress Healer. How terrible. Oh, oh by the heavens not from you.”
You tear up, shaking your head vigorously. This is a nightmare. The worst possible thing happened.
“Please Mister Kang”, you beg, reaching for him but he flees you, staring at you in disgust.
“I cannot believe it. Passion in my shop, this is unbelievable. You are a respectable woman, how dare you engage in such disgusting acts in myshop.”
“No, Mister Kang I-”
“Do not talk to me! You are no better than a common whor-”
Taehyung steps in front of you, shielding you from the book merchant’s judgemental glares.
“Do not finish this sentence or I will cut your tongue.” Taehyung snarls. “The lady is entirely innocent, I tempted her.”
“Of course you did. I didn’t expect anything else from you. The front line makes delinquents out of all of you young men. How dare you touch a respectable lady in public, do you have no respect for her honour? This is a disgrace, it is disgus-”
You push yourself past Taehyung and the merchant, fleeing the shop before you can be addressed again. You sob loudly, worrying Taehyung who gets trapped by the cursing book merchant.
“Are you happy?! You made her cry!”
“Shut it you delinquent, oh once I am done with you I…”
The world around you turns, breathing is difficult. This is a nightmare. This is what you were scared of. Having desires is so wrong for you and Mister Kang confirmed your fears. You are disgusting and you will become the talk of the town. People will refuse to look at you, to trade you, perhaps even to see your clinic. Your life is over.
You never should have listened to other people. Your gut was right all along. Desire is wrong, it gets you into danger. You are wrong. And disgusting. Nothing better than a common whore. You are disgusting.
You do not stop running until you have put a decent distance between the trading district and you. The palace’s walls are within reach. Your cheeks are cold from your tears freezing in the temperatures, your throat aches.
You are disgusting. You are a whore.
You can hear Taehyung call your name. He is coming closer and closer. Shall you speed up and risk confrontation right in front of the guards or should you slow down and face the man you do not wish to face?
You do not know and so you panic.
“Don’t come any closer!” you yell at him.
Taehyung stops. He is but five big steps away, looking up at you from down the path. Worry contorts his features.
“___ darling, let’s talk about this.”
“No! You are ruining my life! I don’t want to see you again!!”
“You don’t mean that. You’re panicking right now and I get it. Mister Kang said many inappropriate things. I’m here for you.”
You stomp to him, shoving at his chest. Taehyung grabs your hands tightly.
“Darling, please listen to me. You will be fine, everything is going to be alright”, he says urgently.
He wants to be there for you, he wants to help you through your anxious thoughts unlike last time when he ran. He wants to show you that you can rely on him, but you cannot see it. All you see is your dark future.
“Let go of me.”
“Please listen. Mister Kang is old-fashioned. I talked to him, you are going to be fine.”
“No! You aren’t good for me. When I’m with you, I become someone I don’t recognise. Leave me alone.”
“Please don’t do this”, Taehyung’s voice trembles, he grasps you tighter, whimpering softly when you fight him.
“Leave me alone! Don’t touch me.”
“I know you’re scared and I’m here for you. Please let us do this as a couple, please.”
“Leave me alone! You’re hurting me.”
“I’m sorry”, he gasps and lets go of your hands. You stumble back, crying vividly.
“Stay away from me.”
“Darling, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
You turn to leave. Taehyung touches your elbow.
“___. I’m sorry. Please don’t run away again.”
“No, Sire. No.”
He steps back, covering his own mouth just so wouldn’t see his lips tremble. This rips you apart. Of course you do not want to stay away from him. But if you let yourself go again, there will be no coming back.
You swallow down the lump in your throat and turn, running away with heavy steps. So this is it. You leave him. Taehyung does not follow you because he wishes not to disrespect you. He never did.
Hyeonah opens her doors, furrowing her brows at the view of you. You are teary, snotty and dishevelled. It is late at night, which makes it even more worrying.
“Did something happen at the hospital?”
“No. Can I sleep here tonight?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Please, Hyeonah. You said once that I could come to you if I ever needed it. I cannot sleep in my bed tonight, not when Taehyung is so close.”
Hyeonah tugs you into her room and locks the doors, grasping your wrist painfully tight.
“What did this bastard do? I had a bad feeling that he would hurt you one day. If he put his hands on you, the spirits help him because once I am done with him, he-”
“No, I messed up.”
“Alright, okay. Let us get under the covers. Tell me everything.”
And so you do. You get under the covers with her and tell her everything. You tell her about the incident in the alleyway and how this started everything. You tell her that you cannot stop thinking about him ever since and that his hands truly haunt your memories. You tell her about his clinginess, how he needed your comfort after a nightmare and the morning which followed. You do not leave out any details, telling her about how you wished to go all the way and how you would have if your servants hadn’t walked in. You tell her about the king’s blackmail and how much he enrages you. You even tell her about the incident in the bookshop this morning and how he called you disgusting for it, crying by now because it feels so terrible to confess so many sinful things.
“Oh wow, I had no idea that you had all of this going on. It explains your recent behaviour so much.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore. I-I don’t recognise myself. I’m so scared of who I have become. I’m so ashamed, Hyeonah.”
“Understandable. You acted so risky. Truly, you are braver than me.”
“I’m not brave, Hyeonah. I’m dumb. A silly, stupid idiot. I mean, what was I thinking kissing him in public? Urgh, Mister Kang is going to tell everyone how disgusting I am.”
“I did not even think of this. Oh no, this is terrible. What if this reaches the king?”
“Exactly. What if it does? He is going to exile me or worse, close the hospital.”
Hyeonah gasps, eyes clouding over in horror. It feels good to finally be validated for your fears. You knew that she would understand you.
“We have to do something, ___. You cannot be exiled.”
“Or worse, we lose the hospital.”
“No, you being exiled would be worse, but I agree. None of these things can happen. We have to do something.”
“But what?”
“What if you bribed Mister Kang?”
“You think that could work?”
“Maybe? You know how merchants are. They love coin above anything else.”
“But for that I am going to have to face him. I cannot be yelled at again. And I don’t even have that amount of coin.”
“Fine, alright, fine.” She thinks for a moment. “I have it! What if we poisoned him?”
“What?!”
“We could accidentally put lily of the valley into his medicine. It would look like heart failure.”
“No. Hyeonah, gods. I am not going to kill Mister Kang.”
She touches her forehead, “then I am out of options. It was either bribery or murder for me.”
You groan, burying your face in the pillow. “My life is going to be over. I should have taken the king up on his offer and accepted the deal to spy on Taehyung.”
“Exactly. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about news reaching him. It is not like you actually like the general. You’re just confused.”
This hurts you. You are not confused. You like Taehyung. You like him so much.
“But I do. I like him”, you insist, voice shaky, “I don’t want to spy on him. All I want is to be his wife without fearing punishment. It hurts so much. I feel like crying.”
“See? That’s what you get when you ask your servants for advice. They don’t know what’s best for you. If you had come to me right away, I would you have told you not to talk to Taehyung and develop an attachment.”
“I know. I should have come to you right away. You have always had the best advice in the past.”
Hyeonah smiles proudly, “I’m just doing my job as your best friend.”
You look at her, “I think I was just so scared to tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me.”
“Hate you? Why?”
“Because of what I did. I broke the rules, I-I was so sinful. I didn’t act like me. You know what Mister Kang said. I was disgusting.”
“I could never hate you.” She takes your hand. “You’re like a sister to me.”
“I’m so relieved”, you whimper, tearing up again.
Hyeonah wipes them quickly.
“Hey, you are going to be alright.”
“Hyeonah, I’m so sad. I miss Taehyung so much. I do not want to stay away from him.”
“Oh ___, you have put yourself into a pickle.”
“I have. When I think of him, I want to see him immediately. It hurts so much not to be with him. Hyeonah, you have to help me. What would you do in order not to give in again?”
“You have to completely separate yourself from him. It is the only way. If you don’t see him, your feelings will go away as well.”
“But how do I do that? I just know that he will try to see me at the hospital tomorrow. Hyeonah, he makes it so hard to stay away. He is always seeking me out and then it makes me happy and reckless. I cannot see him tomorrow, I will fall around his neck and beg him to take me away from this awful place.”
“Then you have to tell the guards not to let him in.”
“I never would have thought about using the guards. Hyeonah, you are a genius.”
“Of course I am. I’m amazing at love”, she says, still unmarried and inexperienced at that. She means well however, she truly does.
“Forgive me General, but the doctor ordered me to deny you entrance.”
Taehyung gawks in shock upon hearing his subordinate refuse him.
“Seriously? What if I wanted to visit one of the patients?”
“You can tell me their names and I will deliver a message to the doctor.”
“Yoongi, I am your general.”
“I am aware, General.” He bows. “However, I have to follow Doctor Kim’s orders.”
“On what pretence am I not allowed in?”
“She did not say, General. However, she let it slip that you are a disturbance to the peace.”
“Tch. If we were alone”, he takes a threatening step closer.
The sergeant does not move from his post, staring into the distance.
“But you are just following orders. Good day, sergeant.”
“Good day, General. I am sorry.”
“Tch.”
Taehyung stomps away. You are so frustrating. Of course he knows that he messed up yesterday, but to refuse him entrance to the hospital is a new low. Especially because all he wants to do is to apologise. He feels terrible for what happened at the book merchant, but he cannot tell you because you avoid him.
You do not eat with him. You ignore his knocks at night, you disappear in the morning before he can wake and you refuse to see him at your work. Taehyung is losing his mind.
His night terrors became even stronger, his back aches and his chest feels tight without your warm presence. He misses you so much while at the same cursing you for coming into his life. He lived so simply before you. Connection with women was impersonal and easy, his greatest sorrows were his troops, he did not lose sleep over his own marriage. Taehyung might surely lose his mind.
He passes a healer and her patient in the gardens. He must have fallen during his outdoor hour. She is nursing his bleeding knee, assuring him that such a small wound will not hinder him in his recovery. They seem to get along well.
His heart stings. He misses you. His eyes drift back to the healer’s hands tending to the wound and a flame of inspiration suddenly flickers in Taehyung’s mind. He knows how he can get you to talk to him!
You are busy in your office after your rounds, devoting yourself to sorting through the medicine order. The day has been busy, so the goods have been sitting in your office until now. The wares are of the greatest quality. They will serve the patients well.
You break your heavy eyes away from the herbs, shifting them to the opening door instead. You lied. You did not sort through anything. You cried a lot. Everything hurts. Especially your head and throat.
“You called for me”, Yoongi says.
“I did?”
Yoongi closes the door and makes his way to you. He takes off his sword, placing it beside him when he sits down.
“You didn’t, but there were people passing outside. They don’t need to know that.”
“Alright? I don’t feel so good today, sergeant. Please leave me alone.”
Yoongi shoves the sword away from him and takes off his military medals. You don’t understand.
“I’m here as your brother’s best friend, ___.”
You finally understand. The Min Yoongi sitting before you is the boy who watched you grow up, he is the teenager who went to war with your brother and who came back with scars that will never heal. He is the man who was there for you when your brother was sent away, and who continued to be a wonderful substitute for him at court.
This Min Yoongi is your family’s friend and your trusted advisor.
“I had to send Taehyung away earlier today.” He studies your face. “Just like you asked me to.”
You lower your eyes and bite back tears. It hurts to hear his name. Just as Yoongi figured, you did not want him to send Taehyung away.
“And I heard what happened at the therapy hall. I thought that you and he get along well. What changed?” he speaks with care and tenderness.
“It’s so complicated.”
“Does he take advantage of you? Does he hurt you? Are you scared of him?”
“No. Gods no, he would never.”
“So he doesn’t hurt you? Because I will risk my life to protect you, I mean it.”
“No. He doesn’t hurt me. Actually, I hurt him when I spilled hot food on him. And I keep hurting him by pushing him away.” You bury your face in your hands. “I’m so stupid. Why am I the way I am? I’m so embarrassed.”
“Nothing is wrong with you, ___ and you clearly want to be with him. So talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
You tear up. Yoongi hands you a handkerchief without a comment. You like this about him. He does not make a big deal out of your emotions, but he always acknowledges them in a quiet, caring way. He is the calm presence your constantly anxious brain needs.
“Oppa, you’re a man of honour right?”
“I try to be, yeah.”
“Would you follow the rules if you ever got married?”
“You mean the nonsense rules the king made when his wife moved to the country because she couldn’t stand bearing another child for him? To the public? Sure, I’d pretend to be mannerly. But in reality, I wouldn’t. Nobody really does.”
“And if you were a woman of honour?”
“I don’t see a difference. Rules are rules, they’re dumb regardless.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that? I thought everybody follows the rules.”
“Not when they are made by a complete fuckwit.”
“Oppa!” you gasp, eyes widening.
“What? It’s just us. You know that I‘m right. The rules make no sense. A married couple has to stay apart except for heir making. Idiotic. For as long as forever, marriage meant escaping from societal prison and letting go. Marriage meant that the eyes of society stopped being on your person and nobody really cared what adventures you went on. Until the king got on the throne and made it forbidden to be together. It was the first rule he made, the first ___, like he was waiting to make everyone else just as miserable as him.”
Yoongi shakes his head.
“If you asked me, it makes no sense. And it would do you well if you stopped caring about them. I can see that you want to be with Taehyung.”
“What? No, I don’t.”
“___, it’s me you can be honest with me.”
“I…can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m scared. I’m so scared of letting myself go and being too much.”
“For him?”
“Yeah and the court. What if I hug him too much? Or kiss him too much? Or, or I do something that’s not mannerly? And then everybody judges me.”
“You have got to stop caring about people’s opinions. You don’t live for them, you live for yourself.”
You hesitate, clearly not convinced.
“I can assure you that nobody gives a fuck about what you and he do as a married couple”, Yoongi says.
“But what if they do? A few days ago, we- uhm the servants caught us doing stuff. You know, stuff.”
“And?”
“They looked shocked and then ran away.”
“I mean, would you have wanted them to stay and watch?”
“No? Obviously not.”
“Then I don’t see the problem. You’re married and newly in love, you’re both attractive people and you have five years of catching up to do. Obviously you do stuff. They ran to give you privacy.”
“They said the same thing.”
“So you even talked to them? Why didn’t you lead with this? Your worries are horseshit.”
“Because then we also did stuff in Mister Kang’s shop.”
Yoongi blinks in surprise, but catches himself quickly.
“I mean, adventurous but still no reason to punish yourself and Taehyung.”
“He called me a disgusting whore.”
“He did what? What the actual fuck? He had no right to do that, this bastard”, Yoongi hisses, furrowing his brows. “Do you want me to make him disappear? I can make it look like an accident.”
“Stop. No. Why does everybody suggest murder?”
“He insulted you. I don’t fuck with that.”
“Please don’t kill him. I’m just worried. What if he tells the king?”
“You mean Mister Kang who has never even seen the king because he is too low standing in his eyes?”
“Oh my gods, I’m a total idiot am I not?”
“Yes. Stop torturing yourself for nothing, you idiot.”
“But Hyeonah said that-”
“I am going to stop you right there.” Yoongi puts his hand over yours. He knows that he is allowed to touch you because of your close bond. “Hyeonah is unmarried and she has always had a slightly insane side to her. No offense, she is nice, but a lot of the time her advice is shit.”
“She said that I should avoid all contact with Taehyung, but it really hurts my heart when I do that.”
“Because it’s shit advice. Please do yourself a favour and don’t ask Hyeonah for love advice. Ever again.”
“Don’t you-”
“Ever. Hear me?”
“Yes, I do”, you murmur.
“Good.” He squeezes your hand gently. “Everything is going to be alright.”
There is a sudden knock on your door. It does not surprise you. You are used to seeing patients throughout the day. Sometimes it is even busy enough that you have no free time between each patient. It does not surprise you, it annoys you because it comes at a terrible time.
“And that’s my cue to leave.” Yoongi takes his medals and sword and stands up. He gives you a pat on the head. “As your substitute brother, I give you my blessing to be free with Taehyung. If anyone has a problem with it, tell me. I’ll take care of them.”
“Oppa…”
The person knocks again.
“Tell them to come in. I know you’ll do the right thing with Taehyung.”
“Come in!” you call out and stand up so you can welcome them by the door.
Taehyung enters the office confidently, but falters at the sight of Yoongi.
“You”, he gets out, eyes flitting to his sword. Yoongi gets dressed in your office. The view is easy to misinterpret and it is very clear from his darkening eyes that Taehyung does. “What the actual fuck is going on? Is this why you constantly push me away? You’re fucking your guard?”
Yoongi steps between you and Taehyung, silencing him with a lift of his hand.
“Don’t even go there. Her brother is my best friend, I watched her grow up.” His eyes flit to Taehyung’s bleeding arm. “What did you do?”
“I uhm, I hurt myself during training. I need first aid”, he says and lifts his bleeding arm. He is pressing a piece of cloth to it, giving Yoongi the evil eye.
“Then you can count yourself lucky that your wife is a healer.” Yoongi stops when he is face to face with him. “If you hurt her, I will kill you”, he whispers, letting him taste the words.
“Huh?”
“Good day, General”, Yoongi says and gives him a polite nod, brushing past him. He closes the door, leaving behind a weird atmosphere of confusion, slight fear and a lot of awkward tension.
Although you do not wish to see Taehyung right now because Yoongi’s behaviour embarrassed you greatly, you cannot deny him in such a state. When you became a healer, you swore an oath never to refuse a person needing care.
“I uhm…” Taehyung seems startled and taken out of whatever plan he had going on in his head.
“Sorry, he can be pretty intense. But he means a lot to me. We kind of grew up together and when my parents sent my brother away, he stepped in. He is the same age as him, so he reminds me of him. Sorry, it’s a long story. How did you hurt yourself?”
“I was careless with my sword.”
You sigh in disapproval, “get comfortable. I shall get the tools.”
Taehyung sits in his usual spot, shifting nervously once you kneel down in front him. You open your palms. He remembers how soft and warm they are. His heart beats quickly.
“Show me.”
He put his bleeding lower arm into your care, staring at your face. You look like you cried. A lot.
“Are you alright?” he asks.
“Yeah, I guess.”
The cut is around five centimetres long and was definitely done on purpose. No way. It finally makes sense why he seemed so taken out of his plan because of Yoongi’s presence. He hurt himself on purpose just so you would have to see him.
“Did you cut yourself willingly?” you ask, voice lowered in annoyance.
“What? No, of course not. My hand slipped.”
“Your hand slipped? Yours? The hand of a sword master?”
“I lost some of my skills.”
You frown and grip his wrist harshly. He did it on purpose. This man is so frustrating. You pour strong alcohol on the open wound, wanting to punish him for being so reckless.
“Ah! This hurts”, he whines, pulling his arm back.
You grip it and pull it back.
“Keep still. I need to clean it.”
You pour more alcohol. Way more than such a small wound needs.
“Stop. It hurts.”
“I know.” You work with little tenderness, dabbing the alcohol off his wounded arm roughly.
He hisses and flinches with each touch, until he has enough.
“Stop.” He rips his arm free. “You are really rough today.”
“Well, forgive me if foolish attempts to see me make me angry. I know that you did it on purpose.”
“How would you even be able to do that?”
“The angle of the cut.”
“Ah.” His cheeks flush in embarrassment. For just a second he is fumbling for words.
You challenge him with a cock of your brows, making him furrow his brows in answer.
“Well, you lie constantly as well! What else should I have done? You refuse to see me”, he whines loudly, standing his ground.
“And cutting your own arm is the best idea you had?” You challenge, taking his arm again to bandage it. “Do you have any idea how long wounds on your arm take to heal? How dangerous they are because they are constantly exposed to bacteria? What if you had cut too deep and bled out? People have died from these wounds before. This was foolish of you.”
“You cannot refuse me if I’m wounded.”
“Tch, next time I might.”
“I hate when you are so cruel. It isn’t you.”
“Because you know me so well.”
“I do. You care for people, you find purpose in helping them, you like conversation with strangers. You are bright like the sun.”
“No I, but…this means nothing.”
“Can you not see that I am desperate? You refuse to hear me out, you tell my own men to send me away, you pretend as if we are toxic.”
You do not say anything to it, finishing the last touches on the bandage. This is exactly why you did not want to confront him yet. You have no idea what to say.
“I am going crazy. All I want is to apologise and you avoid me”, he says, voice trembling in emotion.
“Apologise?”
Finally you find his eyes. Finally you look at him. Taehyung’s heart palpitates.
“I should not have approached you in the bookshop, let alone kissed you with such passion. I am sorry for my behaviour.”
“Oh.”
You lower your head. Remorse – you did not expect this from him.
“I took care of it. Mister Kang believes that I pressured you. He promised me not to mention the incident to anyone.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because he respects you and he would never do something that could ruin you.”
“Ruin.” You exhale shakily. “You ruined one of my favourite places, Sire. I can never face Mister Kang again. I loved the bookshop so much but you made me an unwanted woman.”
“No. You speak nonsense. Mister Kang hopes that you will remain his customer.”
“Did he tell you that? Why would I believe you? He called me disgusting.”
“And I might have landed a slight punch on his face for it.”
“What? Please tell me that you did not have a fist fight with an eighty year old?”
“Seventy-eight and no. I just did it once… very lightly.”
“By the gods, you. He won’t ever see me again.”
“No darling, listen. Trust me, he feels terrible for it. He told me that you can continue to visit him after yelling at me and calling me quite a few graphic names. I now know word combinations I have never heard before. It was horrifying.”
You scoff in amusement, sagging your shoulders in defeat. Your gaze softens.
“It serves you right.” You push his freshly bandaged arm away. “I am not like you, Sire. I cannot go through this world pretending that etiquette does not exist for me. I thought that I could, but I can’t.”
“You could if you cared a little less about what others think.”
“No, I could not. Being a respected woman is the one thing that I built for myself. You are a man, respect is given to you the moment you are born but I had to work for it. People like me and respect me, they seek my wisdom and greet me when I pass them on the streets because I made something of myself.”
“I…I have never looked at it this way.”
“Of course not, you are a man. No matter what you do, people will always respect you.”
“I understand. Please forgive my ignorance.”
“It’s…it’s alright. I know that you’re not a bad person”, you admit, relaxing him a little.
“So what do you want? We are married whether you want it or not”, he asks.
“I know”, you give up and look at your lap. You have lost sleep over this as well.
“Do you not like me? Is this why you always push me away?”
“No. I really like you”, you confess quietly.
“Then why do you act as if we are a sin? Are we not married? Are we not exempt from the social rules of unmarried people? Please just finally tell me the truth so I can understand.”
“Being married does not mean that I will act indecently in public. No respectable married couple should do so.”
“Yet you allowed me to. You kissed me in the bookshop. Your hand slipped to my cock and worked me up again. You are not innocent in this either.”
He is right and it stings. You always blame him for ruining you, but it is you who always willingly stumbled into temptation. He always gave you the chance to leave, to say no and stop it, but you were always the one who pulled him in.
Perhaps he was right in the bookshop. You act this cold with him because you are embarrassed by your own desires. You do not push him away, you push your feelings away. And it was selfish because it hurt him.
“I’m sorry. I know”, you get out.
“So you finally admit it. You were part of it. And you seemed to like it. What changed?”
“I got a taste of the consequences”, you whisper, sagging your shoulders. “being yelled at by Mister Kang a-and seeing the distaste in his eyes was awful. I cannot experience such a thing again.”
Taehyung reaches for your hands but stops when he sees you close your fists in reaction. This situation is delicate and he will be damned to ruin it again.
“I understand. I apologise for my part in the matter. It was never my intention to ruin your reputation. I was thinking and perhaps it would be for the best if I went to the countryside for a while.”
“What?”
“You know, visit my mother and aunt. Wait out the winter and give you the space you need to figure all of this out.”
“No”, you beg, grasping his hand.
“No?”
“Please don’t leave me, please. I just…” You get worked up, speaking the next words with a shaky voice. “I know that I’m complicated, I know that I’m stuck-up but everything is so new to me and I’m so embarrassed by myself. Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe people don’t even care what married couples do, but how should I know? I have never been married before.”
Taehyung listens intently, rubbing your knuckles.
“I, I built my entire reputation on the king’s rules. Be abstinent and you deserve respect. I thought that everybody followed them, but nobody does and he uses them to blackmail people. They were never about etiquette, they were always about power. My entire life was a life. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
You bite back tears, but Taehyung whispers your name so lovingly that you tear up. He wipes them for you, wordlessly because he wants you to say everything that is on your heart.
“I put so much effort into suppressing my own needs, but I still have them. Why did I work so hard? Why did I give myself such a hard time when I still end up having them? I don’t want to be abstinent, but I’m so scared of being too much.”
“Oh, you. That must have weighed on your heart for so long”, he whispers, drying your tears.
“And then I get married to you. And you make it so much worse. Because you are the most handsome and, and sweetest and most lovable man ever. And it’s stressing me out because I don’t even know who I am anymore because of you. I don’t know, but I-I know that I don’t want to be without you. Please don’t go to the countryside, please.”
You hiccup, fighting for air.
“Please don’t leave me. Please don’t make me stay away from you. I-I can’t do this without you. I’m so scared of, of everything.”
“Hey, come here.”
He opens his arms for you to fall into. He embraces you. You finally learn how that feels like and it is so fucking nice.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me, please.”
“Alright, I won’t go, my darling. Just let me hold you.” He kisses the crown of your head, pulling you closer. The world around you ceases to exist in his arms. You do not want to cry when you are in his arms. And the tight knot in your throat untangles itself piece by piece the longer he embraces you.
Taehyung needed this. It was your clearest confession of love you have given him as of yet. He was honestly planning on leaving the capital for the next indefinite months because staying would have been too painful. He planned on leaving without saying anything at first, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave you without letting you know where he will go. He couldn’t make you worry.
That you would react the very opposite of how he had expected, was not part of his plan. But he is so glad that you did. He didn‘t want to leave.
“So you think that I’m handsome?” he is clearly teasing you to lighten the mood. He will take care of everything else later, right now his priority is to get you to laugh again.
“Is this all you took out of this? I am trying to tell you that I cannot kiss you in public, it makes me so unpredictable. Please don’t tease me right now, I already cried so much today.”
“I understand. I am sorry that you always felt this way when I kissed you. I will withhold my hunger. Although I am always ready if you ever change your mind.”
You tense in shock, hiding in his chest shyly. Taehyung softens his voice, lacing his fingers with your hair. It feels so good. Being with Taehyung cannot be wrong when it makes you feel so good. You hope that everything around you dissolves so that it is just you and him. No more court, no more rules, no more shame and no more king. Just you and Taehyung. Together. And happy. You want this. You want to be happy with him.
You want to love him.
“Thank you for your honesty. I had no idea that you struggled so much. I thought that you merely didn’t want people to know about us because you were ashamed of our marriage”, Taehyung explains, speaking softly which sounds so nice when you are cuddled against his chest.
“No, I like being married to you and I want people to know. Just maybe not about the uhm desire thing.”
“Alright, no more desire things until you feel ready.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you perhaps want to know my feelings as well?”
“Yes, I do.”
This feels good. Honest and open conversation. It feels really good. You leave the embrace but hold his hand. He holds yours just as much.
“I miss you. I will say it as it is. I miss sharing meals with you and I miss our conversations. I will keep my distance in public, but can we at least share time together in private?”
You gnaw on your own lip as you listen to him speak. You miss him as well.
“And I know that I can be intense and I’m sorry. I will control myself, but you must understand me. We were married for two days before I had to leave. I spent years in hell wishing for tenderness, I haven’t been touched in years. A-and you show me what I could have only to push me away when I try to fall into you. Again and again. You push and pull, and it is a frustrating game to play.”
You watch his hand ball to a fist and his thighs squeeze together instinctively. Your stomach tenses at the view. It is not an uncomfortable sensation, still a little scary but not as a scary as it once was.
“I am starving for affection. You allowed me a taste of paradise only to take it away again when I was hungriest. And I will continue to starve, I promise for you I will, but know that I am ready because you make me feel as if I am taking my very first breath.”
He is making you feel like this again. Short of breath, uncontrollable heart palpitations, body temperature increased and stomach tingling. It is the most intense sensation and the very reason why you tried so hard to avoid him. Because once these symptoms start, your rational thinking turns off and all you desire is him. Both physically and emotionally.
“At least you have been touched before our marriage, Sire. I must live with the fact that the first time I allowed a man to touch me was in public.”
“You. You have never…”
His shock angers you as much as it embarrasses you.
“I told you already: I am a respectable woman. I do not give my body away”, you insist with furrowed brows and a confident voice.
“I know Mistress and I never doubted you. Please still allow me a moment of surprise. That night was the first time you got touched?”
“Tch. You are frustrating. This is just a game to you. My indiscretion is amusing to you”, you mumble, pulling your hand away. He takes it again.
“Indiscretion? In front of me? Beloved, you can hate it as much as you want, but I am your husband. Witnessing your indiscretion comes with the title. Hells, I will even help you live them out. I am your husband, you can be sinful in front of me, you can give your body to me and I will take proper care of it.”
“Don’t say that. Please, I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything except yes. All I wish is for you to want me to make you feel good. I want to be the reason why your heart beats faster and your laughter rings in the halls. And when you’re ready, I want to be the reason why you arch your back.”
His words heat up your face.
“Please do not talk like this, Sire. Please not in public, not again.”
“Technically we are alone in a secluded room.”
“But still. Not here, my patients could enter any second.”
“Then visit me tonight.”
“Sire”, you gasp, meeting his eyes in shock. “I cannot. What picture would this paint if I snuck into your room?”
“I will send the guards away. We can say that we wish to follow our marital duties. Nobody needs to know that it is just for pleasure.”
“I’m not sure. I’m scared.”
“Alright, forgive me. I got intense again.”
“Maybe a little.”
“I can see it now. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” You lower your eyes, exhaling shakily.
“Then how about we simply meet up tonight? No sex or anything, just quality time. We can eat and talk and fall asleep together. I just…miss you so much and I wish to be with you tonight. No matter how.”
You want to visit him. You want to fall into him and take care of your body just like a husband should. You are so ready, but what if the king finds out?
“I want to, you know, do what you said.”
Taehyung feels breathless for a moment, drawing closer to you.
“But I’m scared.”
“Of me?”
“No. What if we get caught? We cannot be caught together.”
“Tell me why so I understand.”
“The king says that we’re not allowed to be together.”
“No, darling no. My uncle is an unhappy twat who made this rule because he is jealous. He fucks his fist at night then cries himself to sleep. Do you truly think that affection between a married couple is wrong? You said it yourself, despite all your efforts you still have desires. It is not wrong to have them.”
“Thanks for making me think of the king this way”, you say sarcastically, scrunching your nose in pure disgust.
Taehyung chuckles and scoots closer, brushing the back of his fingers down your cheek. You instinctively lean into it without even noticing.
“I say fuck the rules”, he says, but you shake your head.
“He threatened me”, you confess.
“What do you speak?”
“He said that if I don’t spy on you for him, I can’t ever be close to you. I-I did not take the deal, so what if he hears that I am with you despite his warnings?”
“What the fuck? Are you serious?”
You nod, lowering your head so he wouldn’t see you tear up.
“What if he sends you back to war because of me? What if he closes the hospital?”
Taehyung is angry. Not at you, but the king. Everything inside him tells him to leave right this instant and slit the king’s throat. But he controls himself for your sake because you grasp him as if he was your lifeline. He scoots closer and redirects all of his anger, violence and rage into affection, into care and into holding you gently.
“I won’t let him. Hear me? He has no power over you for as long as you are my wife and I love you”, Taehyung whispers, wiping your tears.
You meet his eyes.
“Sire” you croak, closing your arms around his waist. You fall into his side this way.
Taehyung embraces you.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me.”
“He was in my office when he threatened me and, and he drank tea and almost choked on it.” You sit back. “I hesitated to help him, but then I did. I don’t know if it was right and I feel guilty for feeling this way.”
This is it. The moment Taehyung finally knows that you truly and fully trust him. He gives you a reassuring smile and wipes your tears.
“Don’t blame yourself for choosing to be a good person. It’s in your nature to help. That’s just who you are.”
You knew that you could trust him. It feels so good to finally be completely honest with him.
“Do you really think that he won’t hurt us?”
“I know he won’t.”
“I’m still really scared.”
“My uncle cannot hurt you.”
“No, of myself. If I meet with you tonight, I will want to go all the way.”
“Then we can go all the way. I am with you every step you want to take.”
“But when I get…” you lower your voice in shame, “...hot in my tummy, I stop thinking rationally and I stop doing things properly. What if I do something really disgusting?”
“I hear you. I hope you don’t misunderstand me, but I already told you before: you do not need to think to feel. Especially not in front of me. I don’t judge you.”
“But then it’s scary.”
“Were you scared during our moments of passion?”
“No, but afterwards. I’m sorry I know I’m really complicated.”
“No, you’re not. It explains why you pushed me away.”
You nod your head, closing your other hand around his hand as well. This small, loving, connection is everything that keeps you from spiralling.
“You’re not disgusting for having desires, darling, but if you truly do not want to meet me tonight, I will accept it”, he whispers, tracing your knuckles.
The line between choosing to be a rule-abiding woman or his wife is so thin that it is basically non-existent. You would only have to scoot closer and it will be gone. You reach out for his chest, his thighs, his arms, whatever you might touch first. It doesn’t matter, you just want to touch him.
Taehyung’s breath trembles because of your touch. He looks at your hand then deep into your eyes. “I know what I want, but I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“That’s alright. If you do not visit me, I will accept that our marriage is one of distance for the time being.”
“And if I do?”
“Then we can talk and eat and if you want me to, I will pleasure you.”
“Sire!”
He cocks his brow and smirks.
“Oh gods, you cannot just say that. Oh gods”, you stutter, fumbling adorably cute.
Taehyung wants to lean in for a kiss to your cheek but gets interrupted by a knock on your door. Another patient. You flinch back, body tense again and eyes filled with nervousness.
“Sire, you have to leave. Please let me work. Please.”
“Very well. I said what I’ve wanted to say anyway.” He stands up and bows respectfully despite the dirty things he said. He has your heart racing so much. “I will wait for you until the bell rings at midnight. Until tonight”, he says confidently and leaves. He greets the patient outside, holding the door open for them.
“Good night, I mean good bed. No, I mean good day. Forgive me, I am elsewhere with my head.”
He listens to you stutter for words and leaves soon after, feeling confident.
↳ Index [Chapter 06 - One Step Forward, Two Steps Back]
Pairing: Army General!Taehyung x Royal Healer!Reader
Genre: Smut, slight Angst, slowburn Romance
Warnings: morning cuddles :(, very stuck-up!Reader who is haunted by what she did 2.0, pushing people away out of shame, so much shame around having sexual needs, kinda subby very needy!Taehyung, my boy is going through it, but she is going through it too, sex-starved!Taehyung who is now also starved for her attention 2.0, genuinely she is just doing one long edging session with him at this point my poor boy :'), not so secret mutual masturbation in the morning after he pushed her buttons one too many times, omfg kisses!, vaginal fingering, sloppy handjob, leaky!Tae, begging, wow so much begging, strength & size kink, his hands and arms deserve a warning, there is also so much angst and fighting and yearning, everything in this chapter is enthusiastically consensual, old-fashioned traditions & values, this is not historically accurate except for: kings being assholes, also y'all (including me) will also feel edged fjadsf
Wordcount: 7.8k | Minors DNI you will be blocked & reported
a/n: my fellow sluts, i don't know how many nerves i still have left. my queen oc just let him be your husband please he is trying :( istfg if tae begged me like that, i'd already be on him :) leave some comments my besties, i love to yell with you ❤ hey pssst 🤓 enjoy this as you read for maximum immersion 🤠
An unfamiliar weight traps you. Everything else is familiar. The sheets which have warmed up from hours of being laid in, the faint voices of the court, and especially the feeling of wasting time. It is so familiar and yet entirely foreign this morning because of this weight holding you down. You wiggle under it, opening your eyes when a low groan meets your ears.
“Sire?”
“No leave”, he mumbles half-asleep, face muffled by your hair.
Your body temperature increases. He is hugging you, chest pressed against your back and groin nuzzled to your behind. No distance, only touch. If you weren’t already awake, this would have surely woken you up.
He must have taken you into his arms in his sleep. Your head is resting on his right arm, while his left arm is slung across your torso. This explains the weight, but it only complicates things.
“Mistress”, Taehyung whines and lifts his head, “don’t wiggle.”
“I have to get up.”
“Mhhm, don’t think so”, he mumbles and pulls you closer, nuzzling his nose into your hair.
“You- Sire. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Ye, is great idea”, he decides. He inhales deeply and exhales, melting into you.
Even if you tried to flee, you couldn’t. He has you locked up, despite his sleepy state. You have to accept being trapped in his arms.
You try to enjoy this, you really do, but you just cannot seem to settle. A thousand thoughts and worries course through your head. What if the servants run in on you? What if his servants realise that he is missing and go looking for him only to find him in your bed? What if the guards walk in? What if somebody from the hospital needs you and walks in? What if the king walks in?
Taehyung lifts his head again, resting his weight on his elbow.
“What’s the matter? Am I truly this revolting to you?”
You glance over your shoulder. He is pouting and his face carries marks of the pillow. Adorable in its own peculiar way.
“No, but what if somebody sees us?”
“In your bedroom? Why would anyone enter without knocking?”
He has a point. No mannerly person would enter without knocking first. He smiles softly and settles on the pillow, speaking with his eyes closed.
“So relax. Just this morning, allow yourself to enjoy this”, he whispers, dancing his fingertips up and down the sheets.
“Do you?”
“Very. I missed you. Besides, you are a wonderful pillow to hug.”
“Thanks”, you say, laughing against your better judgement.
He chuckles and places a gentle kiss on your head. Afterwards, he very clearly relaxes and you are left pondering whether you should join him or stay tense.
Truth be told, this is really nice. The days have become so cold and he is really warm, tempting you to stay under the covers all day. His arms are a different story. They are comfortable to rest your head on, but also heavy to have around your torso.
The morning sun shines onto your face. Interesting. You had no idea that it does that. You glance at the origin of it. It enters the room through the small hole in your window, which you have been planning to get fixed for ages. Perhaps it is finally time to do so and perhaps accidentally sleeping in had its advantage. You have another task to fulfill.
You move slightly. Taehyung holds you down.
“Relax.”
“I am.”
“Good.” He purrs softly.
You cannot remember the last time you actually relaxed. Have you ever even relaxed before? Perhaps you never actually have. For as long as you can remember, your day started before sunrise and ended after midnight. The last time you actually slept for more than four hours was, well, today. Because today the sun already rose and you are still in bed.
Taehyung’s presence made you sleep in. This is your very first lazy morning. The concept of it is foreign to you.
How does one have a proper lazy morning? You do not know the rules one must follow. It leaves you feeling restless.
“This is kind of difficult, is it not?” you ask.
“What is?” Taehyung’s voice is deeper than usual. Gods, if you weren’t already obsessed with him, his morning voice definitely would have done the rest.
“Relaxing.”
“You think relaxing is difficult?”
“Yeah. Are there rules for it? What do I do?”
“This might come as a surprise to you, but you do nothing and there are no rules to follow.”
“Alright. Very worrying.”
He chuckles.
“I should already be at the hospital. People need me.”
“Then you can trust in your healers to handle it.”
You understand what he means by it. You have to take it easy and trust that other people can do a good job. You cannot keep working sixteen hour shifts and refuse to rest. You give up with a sigh.
“You’re right”, you mumble and finally, truly relax.
Taehyung pats your hand, which gives your heart palpitations.
“That’s a good girl. Relax”, he is joking, but your head is spinning regardless. You cannot break your eyes away from his hand afterwards. What the ever loving fudge is he doing to you?
“Do you do this often?” you ask, hoping that conversation will distract your mind from sinful thoughts.
“What?”
“Waste the day away in bed and call it relaxing?”
“Excuse me? It is barely past sunrise. It is you who starts the day incredibly early.”
“Fair.”
“And to answer your question, yes lately I have been doing it more often. It’s a welcome change after the war.”
“Mhm, I understand that. You must not have gotten a lot of sleep.”
“No. Not really.”
“Or rest in general.”
“No, definitely not.” He stubs your back. “You should do it more often too.”
“Yeah, sure”, you scoff breathily.
“Mhm, with me.”
You fluster, heart palpitating.
“Uhm… Do you often hug something when you sleep?” you ask, hoping that a topic change will help. If he keeps being so affectionate, you will begin to want him again.
“Mhm, it helps me relax.”
“But you’re not sleeping now.”
“No, right now I’m doing it because I’m a greedy lobcock, who likes holding his wife.”
“You have to work on the language you are using, seriously”, you murmur, eliciting a boyish snicker from him. It did not work, it made it worse. Taehyung likes holding you. How giddying.
“Sorry, years on the frontline are difficult to shake. You should have heard us talk.”
“I am getting an idea, thank you.”
You feel him chuckle, wondering if he can feel your pulse race. It is impossible to describe, but feeling his laugh is nice and deeply intimate.
“I like this so much”, Taehyung confesses.
You like it too, agreeing by settling deeper into his embrace. He smells nice and his arm is such a comfortable pillow. You wonder how it would feel to be embraced by him. Not just hugged or held, but embraced.
Taehyung closes his eyes, settling into this perfect moment. He dreamed of such mornings for ages and he must remember to thank Jimin for his wisdom. He was right. All it needed for you to relax was a bed in a private room.
You are completely different so locked away from the public. You are open to his affections, you do not complain about his touches and you see his hug as something normal. Taehyung finally feels like your husband and he wants to scream in joy.
He could relax eternally.
You not that much. The desire to be restless again arises. You really suck at relaxing. You want to work and fidget and do something.
You settle on letting your fingers run along his lower arm and open palm, tracing his fingers while you are at it.
You are relaxing. If this is what relaxing is, then you can do it. You just have to keep your fingers busy and then everything is alright.
Goosebumps rise on his skin. Taehyung has a difficult time not to sigh against your neck. This feels amazing.
It is such an unbelievable concept to you that these very same fingers did what they did. They look so innocent right now, but they can move like this and make you so hot.
“Can I ask you something?” his question startles you, forcing your hand to retreat.
“Yes.”
“Why did you leave without telling me?”
“I already told you, you were still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Well, you should have. I couldn’t find you and it made me worry that you left me. Especially after you pushed me away the night prior.”
“Forgive me.”
“Alright. Done.” He kisses the back of your head, sending your heart into overdrive. He is so sweet. “How is your brother? Honestly.”
“Oh, Sire…”
“What? Did I say something wrong again?”
“No, it’s not that. You are just so…caring.”
“I care about you.”
Because he loves you. He cares because he is in love. You close your eyes, wanting to tear up again. You really like him and it is so scary because it goes so deep.
“Mistress?”
“I heard you.” You close your hand around his pointer finger. It is long enough that you can easily fit around him. Taehyung curls it slightly, deepening the connection. When you are like this, all of his doubts are gone.
“My brother, he is…” You falter for a moment, heart feeling heavy at the thought of him. “He is ten years older than me. He served in the army during the Wonju conquest when he was nineteen.”
“I heard about this. I wasn’t the General yet, my father was. The soldiers barely had time to rest between battles and they used pitch during many sieges. Not many returned unscathed.”
“My brother had his arm burned by pitch so badly that it needed to be amputated. He never really recovered from it mentally. He barely speaks these days and has episodes of mania. My parents sent him to a temple because they say that he will heal up there, but I know that it is just an excuse to hide away their cowardice son.”
Taehyung’s hand balls to a fist. You wiggle your finger in between, relaxing him instantly. You trace his knuckles, following your thumb with your eyes.
“My parents say a lot of things without thinking. I know that my brother isn’t a coward. That is why I try to visit as much as possible because he does not deserve to be cast away for serving in a war he did not want to fight in and returning with scars.”
Taehyung exhales shakily, pulling you closer. He kisses your neck, nuzzling it with his nose afterwards. Innocence laces the kiss and it therefore gives you a different tingle than his hungry neck kisses did.
“I know that your visits mean the world to him”, he speaks softly, squeezing your hand.
“I try to be of help as best as I can.”
“And you are. You understand. Not many can say this about themselves.”
“I understand, I really do. I wish that I could do more.”
“As you told me, sometimes all a person needs is the company of another. Your brother definitely feels better because of your visits.”
“I hope so. If I ever have my own house, I want to ask my brother if he wants to live with me”, you exhale deeply, “is this a reckless dream?”
“No. He will really appreciate the offer.”
“Then I am relieved”, you say and let go of his hand, “now. Time is up, I need to work.”
“Excuse me? No, you don’t”, he insists, holding you down with his arm.
“You! Unhand me”, you whine, wiggling in his strong hold.
“You are not to leave yet. Not when this is so nice.”
“I need to work.”
“No, you don’t.” He holds you down gently.
“Yes, I do.”
“Do I have to make rules just so you relax? Well, rule number one: do not leave shortly, embrace the laziness.”
“You are so-” A loud squeaky giggle interrupts you when he tickles you unexpectedly.
“Rule number two: refuse to rest and I will tickle you into relaxing.”
“That’s not even a rule, that’s a consequence. Sire please stop”, you laugh, fleeing him fruitlessly.
“Rule three: witty talk backs will get you more tickles and kisses.” He attacks your neck with kisses and tickles your side, making you laugh wholeheartedly.
“You’re unfair”, you squeal.
“You. Will. Relax.” A pause just so he can attack you again when you felt safe. “This is an order.”
“Please stop, you’re so unfair.”
“Are you relaxing?”
“No! Not when you are tickling me” You roll to your back, slapping his hand away repeatedly. “Stop, tickling me. Stop.”
“Fine”, Taehyung relaxes again, nuzzling his face into your cheek. You are clasping his hand so tightly.
You nudge him harshly, “you were so unfair right now.”
“Sorry.”
“Tch. You are not sorry. You enjoy torturing me.”
He chuckles, kissing your cheek over and over again. You will simply embrace the fact that he makes you go up in flames because his kisses are so nice that you do not want him to stop.
“Don’t laugh. You know that you are stronger than me and you use it against me like a villain.”
“A villain?”
“Yes, a truly mean villain.”
He laughs, purring softly afterwards.
“Okay, if you say so.” He lifts his head, gazing at you.
You meet his eyes, head still resting on his lower arm and body nuzzled against his strong frame. He is so beautiful. Even in the morning. Perhaps especially in the morning because lying down for hours made the blood rush to his lips and they are puffier than usual. You have never noticed that his right eye is double-lidded while his left isn’t, and that the prettiest of birthmarks adorn them. What a beautiful detail. You want to stare at him for hours.
Taehyung settles on tracing your knuckles because you cannot seem to want to let go of his hand. You have never looked at him this way. He does not know what it means.
“Rule four”, he says.
“You’re still on about the rules?”
“Yeah no, truth be told I had nothing. I just wanted to talk to keep the conversation going.”
“Yeah? Do you like it that much?”
“I do. With you I do.”
You smile. Taehyung retorts it, kissing your cheek. You fluster, giggling and rolling to your side to hide away in his arm. Because you hold his hand so tightly, you really tug his arm around you. Taehyung draws closer and closer, longing to be with you even further.
“Do you like it too?” he asks.
“Maybe?” you say, snickering adorably.
Taehyung sighs against your neck, fighting the urge to litter it in kisses. His heart beats so fast, his tummy is so tingly. This is the best morning he ever had.
You could probably leave if you are fast enough, but you somehow do not wish to. This is really fucking nice. You fluster because of your own thoughts. Now he has you cursing in your head. Oh, he is the most terrible influence.
“Why are you tensing? Are you planning to leave again?” he asks, moving his hand to your waist slowly.
“No, I’m not”, you squeak and grasp his hand tighter. “I’m relaxing.”
He chuckles, it sounds like a purr.
“The rules are working”, he sounds proud, laying himself halfway on top of you.
You are both so thinly dressed and he is so warm and muscular. This is the most amazing and heat-inducing thing that has ever happened to you. The slick feeling between your legs returns, your control falters.
“Must you put so much weight on me? You are really heavy”, you whine, panicking internally.
“Heavy? Really?” he chuckles.
“Yes, really. You are too muscular, it weighs your body down”, you say dead serious but he laughs regardless.
“I see. I am a mean villain and I am too muscular. Harsh words, my lady.”
“Hush”, you warn and nudge him with your back.
Defeated by your adorable attitude, Taehyung shimmies back so you aren’t blanked underneath him. He slips his arm under the blanket and lowers it to your waist. You can breathe a lot easier this way, however you do not. Your waist is so untouched and his arm feels incredibly intimate to have around you. The memory of him pinning you down still lingers on your skin. He is so strong, yet so careful when he holds you. The bantering and his tickles worked you up.
You want to enjoy this, you want to melt into him and never let him go, but the courtly rules haunt you. You were always told that married couples should only engage with each other when the duty of heir producing was asked of them. Marriage in your circles was supposed to be political or a way to secure good positions at court. Marriages of passion, of love and intimacy were things the common folk did or characters in Lady Inna’s stories. At least that is what you had always believed until Taehyung conquered you in this stupid alleyway and showed you another world.
A world you have been trying to escape ever since because in truth, it scares you just how desperately you wish to exist in it.
“Is this better?” he asks, fingers innocently moving on your stomach.
“Not really.”
“What is the matter with it now?”
“Your hand is moving too much.”
He purrs and slows down. If he does not move, his warmth seeps through your chemise. It reminds you of the warmth you felt as his fingers were inside you.
Oh no, you are starting to get really soaked again. Taehyung made you feel so comfortable that you are getting very obvious sexual needs. This is so embarrassing. You wiggle again, nudging his crotch with your butt.
“Mistress”, he breathes and flees, letting his lips dance over your ear, “you’re wiggling so much.”
“Because your hand is so warm and it’s on my lower stomach.”
“Do you want it somewhere else?”
“No?” you scoff, “don’t be ridiculous or I’m leaving.”
“Mhhm, alright”, he purrs and relaxes.
Of course you want it somewhere else. Between your legs.
Thoughts, so many unmannerly thoughts, are coursing through your head. You reach under the blanket and tug his hand away. Back to the light where you can look at it and make sure you have control over it.
“Better?” he chuckles.
“Yes.”
“Mhm, you’re so charming.”
So fascinating. His nail beds are pretty and groomed. His knuckles are fun to trace and massage. His fingers are really long. They are hands, albeit beautiful hands, but hands nonetheless. Yet they leave you feeling so giddy in your stomach.
They were inside you.
Giddiness courses through you. You press down on the pads of his fingers, searching for the magical thing that lit a fire inside you. His fingers are entirely normal. How was it possible to feel this way when he is just an ordinary person with ordinary hands?
But then, Taehyung is very far from ordinary. He makes you feel Feelings, something no one else has ever managed to do.
“Are my fingers interesting?”
“What?! No! I, uhm, sorry.”
You let go of them, dizzy from embarrassment.
“No, no please suit yourself.” He takes your hand again. “My hands are all yours, my lady.”
“Well, now I don’t want them anymore. You made it weird”, you murmur, pushing them away.
Taehyung chuckles, “really?”
“Yes. Really.”
He laughs and grabs your hand one more time, holding it hostage until you stop wiggling.
“You’re unfair. Stop showing off with your muscles.”
“Alright, alright you got me”, he gives up, sounding highly delighted by the entire situation. He relaxes his hand, settling against you without an ulterior motive (for now). He even makes sure not to rest his crotch against you.
You relax as well, letting the time pass as you ogle his hand. Temptation. So much temptation. Perhaps if you pretended to slip, it wouldn’t be so obvious. Taehyung curls his fingers with your touch, but does not react otherwise.
“Ah, nevermind”, you give up and let go, hiding your face in the pillow.
“What? Tell me.”
“No, it’s embarrassing.”
Taehyung props himself up and snuggles closer, rubbing your stomach.
“Tell me.”
“No, it’s silly and embarrassing.”
“Nothing you say can be silly or embarrassing.”
“No, I cannot say. It’s so stupid”, you whine and press back so you can rub your face. It pushes his hips snug against yours.
A gasp leaves you. Taehyung grunts in surprise, failing to act fast enough and flee. Right there, between your bottom and his groin, something stiff lays.
“Sire.”
“Yes?”
“What is this?”
“What is what?”
You wiggle your hips, eliciting a sharp gasp from him. He twitches, grasping your hips to stop your movements.
“Oh my, Sire!”
“Please forgive me, it is the morning and you are incredibly warm. Besides, it is your fault for playing with my fingers like that.”
“My fault? Excuse me, how is this my fault?” you squeak, wiggling quite vehemently which constantly rubs your bottom against him.
“Mhhhm stop. If you move like this, it makes it hard not to get hard”, he whines.
You flip and push at his shoulders. Taehyung falls with a gasp, hands settling beside his head and legs parting.
“No.”
“No?”
“No. Bad boy, don’t speak to me in such manners.”
“I only told you the truth.”
“No, you were being ridiculous again.”
“I’m not. It’s not my fault that I’m a man with a functioning co-”
You press your hand to his mouth, “do not say it.”
“Or what?” he challenges, muffled. “You’ll pretend that you don’t care?”
You increase the pressure. Taehyung escapes with a wiggle of his head.
“You cannot lie to me about how I make you feel. I felt how wet you were that night.”
For just a second he can watch how incredibly flustered his words leave you. Then darkness clouds your eyes and something dangerous flickers deep within your gaze.
“I am fed up with you.”
Your touch comes unexpectedly but wanted, cupping him over his clothes. He gasps, eyes widening in shock and body tensing. Blood shoots to his length and hardens it completely, tension builds in his stomach.
“For days you have been testing my patience and I have had enough. Maybe if you experienced it too, you would understand”, you growl, working him over his clothes.
“Fucking- ah ___, a-ah fuck.”
Taehyung arches his back, eyes threatening to roll back. You want to punish him, yet he is seeing stars. It is obvious that you are rusty with this kind of touch, but Taehyung is so starved for anything sexual that it feels amazing to him.
“How does it feel, huh? How does it feel to be treated so unmannerly?” you challenge, squeezing his tip between your palm and his stomach. The pressure is perfect, the friction is magical.
Taehyung grabs the pillow and feels himself tear up because he refuses to look away.
You are glowing.
“It’s not nice is it? To feel so good against your better judgement.” The way your fingers play with his tip has him curling his toes. “To be brought into such a moral dilemma of whether to enjoy it or be courtly. It’s not nice, is it?”
Taehyung squirms his hips, but you chase him. You wrap your hand around him as best as the fabric barrier allows and punish him with eager rubbing. This feels…so good to give him. Perhaps you cannot stop doing it because he looks so sinful and he feels so good. Perhaps you have to rub him harder to truly get across how frustrated he makes you feel.
“Please amghmh”, he gets out, pressing his hands to his own brow bones. His long fingers are in his hair, twisting it.
“That’s how you get me to feel. Like an unmannerly woman”, you spit and unfortunately redirect your touch to the base of him.
Taehyung croaks a helpless “ah” then his voice breaks and he gasps silently. “Please.”
“What’s wrong? Are you embarrassed? Now you know how I-”
Taehyung grabs your hand and redirects it to his tip. The fabric is soaked around it, wet warmth sticks to your fingers.
“Please touch me there. It feels so good”, he begs, bucking his hips with a blissed out moan.
You freeze in shock, head wanting to explode in overwhelmed surprise. He…enjoys this without shame. What the actual fuck, this is genuinely making you leak.
“More, please. I need more”, he pleads, chasing your frozen hand with eager thrusts. They are uncoordinated and entirely motivated by desperation.
He breaks something inside you, doing something that will embarrass you once you are yourself again, but which you cannot care about right now. You want him.
“Taehyung”, you choke out, slipping your hand under his gown to wrap it around his tip. His eyes roll back, his hands fall back on the pillow just to grab it.
“Darl-”
You silence him by slamming your lips on his’.
He feeds you a high-pitched whimper, arms closing around you and length twitching between your fingers. You feel greedy, insane and insatiable. The current experience is the most addictive sensation, his noises are so empowering. Your hand is merciless, jerking him off without any kind of plan. You have no experience in this, but perhaps this makes it as amazing. The clumsy, entirely greedy, fumbling of your soft hand. It is so honest, so deeply soaked in your raw feelings. He claws at you, desperately fighting for air as you make him see stars. He expected anything but this. He knew that he has been pushing your limits, he knows that he has been really testing them, but he never would have imagined you to show such a side. To punish him with pleasure, to touch him as if he owed you a debt and you hated him for it, is the very last thing he expected you to do and it is making his entire body shake.
“I can’t breathe”, he croaks, panting into your mouth.
“Try to”, you care rather little, pumping his heavy cock. He is leaking so much, getting your hand and his stomach messy. It makes a sound. This is what haunts you most: hearing how messy you get him. Closely followed by his noises.
“Do you really like this?” you ask hesitantly, tingling as he places kisses all over your chin and lips.
“Yes, yes. Yes, I do. Ah, I do.” He licks your lower lip. “Wanted you so much.” He kisses your jaw. “I love it so much”, he whines, dropping his head deeper into the pillow as his body shudders in pleasure.
You cannot look away. He looks so good in this state. You desire to keep going just so you can keep making him look this way. Taehyung writhes and squeezes your waist, throat producing a desperate moan.
“I want to touch you too.”
“Do.”
“Promise me you really want me to.”
“I really want you to.”
He wrestles your chemise over your bottom and pushes his hand between your legs. His touch today is messy and sloppy, unlike the calculated way he conquered you first. It shows how affected you have him, forcing you to gasp against his lips because while it was messy, it was also incredibly pleasurable.
You wanted – no, needed – his hands for days. This is what you couldn’t recreated. This is what you have been missing.
“You’re so wet again.” Taehyung is mewling, fucking your fist. “Please can I feel you, please?”
“This is so wrong”, you choke out and despite that, your hand continues to pump him. Way too fast for Taehyung to have any grip on control. “Sire, this is so wrong. We have to stop constantly being so sinful.”
“But it feels so good.” He rubs your magical spot, having you curl your toes.
“And it’s so wrong”, you moan, twisting your hand around his leaking tip.
“I don’t care”, Taehyung moans louder than you. The sound will haunt you for all eternity. He kisses you, using way too much tongue. Scarcity of air stops him because he forgot to breathe.
“I’m so close. Please let me be inside you, please don’t make me release on myself, please”, he begs, legs shaking and fingers slipping into your aching cunt.
“A-ah Sire”, you choke out, hand faltering around his cock. Fireworks of pleasure, tingles and amazingness explode inside you. The void is finally gone. You have his fingers again. No more hauntings. You are free and happy. So happy.
“Say yes please, I can’t be edged again. Not again. It hurts. Please”, he begs, scissoring his fingers in your soaked, aching, cunt.
You should hate how willing your body is for him and that the painful void you have felt between your legs ever since That Night truly needed his fingers to be cured. You did not want it to be true because it meant that you were truly a sin-driven woman. You should hate it, but you don’t because holy fucking shit, Taehyung curls his fingers so well inside you that you cannot think of anything else.
“Say yes, please. I have to feel you, I beg you”, he is pleading with you, curling his fingers and rubbing your clit at the same time. His begs are like a drug to you. The pressure is building up and it is getting there fast.
“Taehyung”, you whimper, dropping your face against his cheek.
“___”, he moans, giving your bottom a slight push, “sit on me, please I need you, please.”
“I have never-”
“Good morning, Mistress. Oh!”
You break away from Taehyung, staring at the scandalised, shocked faces of your servants. Horror overcomes you as reality hits you like a fallen tree. His fingers inside you suddenly feel like two hot blades.
“More, don’t stop please, I beg you, please”, Taehyung begs, curling his fingers inside you, “ple-”
You silence him with a hand over his mouth, squeezing his face until he finally stops making noises. His fingers are twitching inside you, making it very difficult to function.
“I was merely conducting a medical procedure that required a close up inspection”, you insist, feeling sick to the stomach. They will never respect you again. You will become the court’s scapegoat. This is a nightmare.
“Forgive us, General. Mistress. We knocked but you did not respond so we believed you to be sleeping. We did not know that you were with each other”, they are holding back laughter it is obvious to you.
“No! It was only medical, I swear! I inspected his leg!”
“Of course, Mistress”, they say, exchanging looks with each other as they leave the bedroom.
“Wait, please”, you leave the bed and stumble after them, “wait. It isn’t as it seems, I promise.”
You hear them whisper and snicker outside your doors.
“Please don’t misunderstand. Please.”
They disappear, probably spreading the news of your unmannerly actions everywhere. The rules keep repeating in your head. It isn’t very courtly for a husband and wife to share a bed without prior preparations. Intimacy and sex are means to procreate and keep family lines alive. Things such as desire-motivated mutual masturbation in the morning are seen as uncourtly. Pleasure is a sin, proper ladies and gentlemen do not engage in such. This is what you heard and lived by ever since you grew up. You should have stuck to the rules. You should have stayed courtly.
“This is terrible. This is bad. This, this is a catastrophe”, you are pacing, twisting your own hair. “What if this reaches the king? We will be exiled. My life is going to be over.”
“Seriously?”
You jolt in shock, remembering that Taehyung was still present. You look at him. He is sitting in bed, face flushed and hair tangled. Desperation surrounds him, despite his furrowed brows.
“Your life is going to be over because you got caught touching your own husband?”
“You don’t understand. We are not supposed to share a bed, let alone e-engange in such sin. We just showed everyone that we have no manners.”
“Hah!” He throws his head back in frustration. “Forgive me for a second, but the court has fuck-ass rules.”
“Sire! Lower your voice, you cannot-, this is- do not talk like this.”
“No. Fuck the court and fuck etiquette!” he screams at the closed door.
“Stop yelling, please.”
“Who the fuck even made these rules? A married couple has to stay apart? What kind of bullshit is that?”
“The king made them.”
“The king? You mean The King who does not even have a wife because she would rather spend time in the countryside than with him? The king who is probably jealous of everyone getting more action than he ever did? This king?”
“I…”
“Exactly. His rules are shit. I’m not a terrible person because I refuse to stay away from my wife. And I am definitely not a terrible person for wanting you.”
“Shut up”, you close the distance and throw your hand over his mouth, “if somebody hears you.”
Taehyung wraps his fingers around your wrist and kisses your palm. Your breath hitches. He kisses your fingers and palm which were just around his length. He kisses them. He goddamn kisses them and sends your heart into overdrive with it. He ends the affection by taking the tip of your pointer finger between his lips and flicking his tongue over it. Warm and wet. Your stomach clenches because of it, your breath hitches.
The temptatious world is so close again, whispering to you to just let it happen. Let it happen. You want it, let it happen.
“Stop”, you gasp, pulling back, “stop thi-thinking that the rules don’t count for you.”
“I don’t give a shit about rules. My uncle’s a twat and I’ve survived without them for years.”
“But I do. I care about them!”
“Care less”, he says and drops his head on your lap. He nuzzles his face into you, humming in contentment.
“No Sire, we cannot. No”, you panic, trying to flee him.
He hugs your shaky legs, purring into your thigh. He is too strong to be able to escape him. Not physically because he makes it easy to shake him off if you desire to do so, but mentally. He is intertwined with your thoughts, your heart and feelings.
“Sire, you’re a prince. People will judge you forever.”
He shakes his head, holding you tighter, “I don’t want to be a prince. I want to be your husband.”
“What are you saying?”
Taehyung looks up at you and it steals your breath. You have never been gazed upon in such ways. As if you were life herself, as if the very stars were sprinkled on your skin and your eyes were deep oceans.
“Let me be your husband, please. I’m so tired of fighting and violence and fuck-ass rules that make no sense. All I want is to be with you.”
“I don’t…”
Taehyung rolls off bed and kneels before you, kissing your knees and later the fingers desperately trying to push him away.
“I want to make you happy.” He kisses your wrists and inner arms.
“I want to memorise the paths of you until my lips can walk them blindly.” He kisses your elbows and grabs your waist, looking up at you.
“I want to worship you”, he chokes out, burying his face in your stomach oh so close to where it aches the most.
Heat pools between your legs. Way more intense than it did That Night or minutes ago. If he goes any further, you will break any kind of rule you have.
“No. Stop.”
Taehyung finally lets you push him away, staring up at you as you scurry to your feet. His clothes are messy where you touched him. He is pouting, eyes glassy.
“I want you out of my room once I’m back. Good day, Sire.”
“What did I do? Why are you cold to me again? You drive me insane with your behaviour. What am I doing wrong?”
“You just…I…it is what it is, good day.”
“___.”
You slip out of the room before he can react.
“Why are you doing this?”
He touches his own forehead, gritting his teeth. He is such an idiot!
“Stupid fucker, why do you always fuck it up?” he gets out, punishing himself with a harsh slap on his face.
Working at the hospital is torture. You could swear that every conversation is about your morning with Taehyung. They all know what you did and they are condemning you. You cannot prove it, but you know. Somehow you know that you are today‘s scapegoat, the scandal of the court, the misbehaving mistress. And that it is only a matter of time before it reaches the king and you will exiled.
You spend your day doing work that keeps you hidden, hoping that nobody comes looking for you. Your hands were the most tempting yet cruellest view. You couldn’t stop replaying what they did and how he felt. It haunted you because it didn’t feel bad when you did it. As a matter of fact, the sensation of his length ghosted over your palm and the memory of his desperate kiss stuck to your lips. It was so pleasant while it was happening and yet left you feeling ashamed.
And you hate that most of your day was spent thinking about him sexually. You hate that despite being the court‘s new scandal, you still couldn‘t stop thinking about him.
If you were completely honest with yourself, you want to disobey the rules and live a little. You were so ready to sit on him. Really, you would have gone all the way if your servants hadn’t interrupted you. If you were as brave as him, as confident as him or simply a man, you wouldn’t have to worry as much as you do. But alas you aren’t and therefore you regret this morning. Rules are important to you because they give you the perfect guideline on how to stay as safe as possible. For as long as you obey them, you will draw no attention and nobody will talk about you.
This keeps you safe and content, and most importantly safe from the king and the possibility of him closing the hospital. Yes, being abstinent keeps you very content. Just as content as lazy mornings with Taehyung. Even more content than that. Yes, you love being married and having to stay away from your own husband. You enjoy suppressing all of your desires until you feel like screaming. You really like imagining how it would have been to sit on him and knowing you will never know because of The Rules. You like being just as lonely and untouched as the king.
Oh, who are you kidding? You hate it. You hate having desires, you hate wanting him, you hate that Taehyung showed you the concept of a lazy morning. You hate it because it makes you miss what you cannot have.
And most of all, you are angry at Taehyung for putting these ideas into your head. He never should have opened your eyes to how idiotic the king’s rules are because now you are aware of the unfairness of them. You are questioning them, and you hate having to question what made you feel safe for so many years.
If these rules are as idiotic as they are, why did you build your entire reputation on them? Who are you when everything you ever stood for is based on the jealousy of a king? Your very existence feels uncertain to you, and you hate it.
“General, you’re back.”
You look at the door upon hearing Sooyeon’s greeting. Your worst nightmare just entered the therapy wing. Taehyung converses with Sooyeon, who explains something to him before she points into your general direction.
You feel your heart drop. His eyes brush over you and linger for a moment. The connection is magnetic and terrible for your sanity. He looks away, thanking Sooyeon with a nod.
Oh no. Nonono. No. You told him to stay away. He shouldn’t be here. Why is he here? And why is he making his way to you with food? You told him to stay away and he disrespects your wishes.
Because of him you question everything. Because of him people will stop respecting you. It is his fault. He made you a scandalous woman.
Taehyung is but three steps away from you. Lead by anger, you do something you instantly regret. You shove him back by the tray and therefore force him to spill the food all over himself. He yelps. You watch in horror. People stop what they are doing and stare. Their disagreement hits you like daggers. You feel so deeply embarrassed and ashamed by what you did.
“What the hell? What is wrong with you?” Taehyung gasps, eyes widened and skin burning from the hot food.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No I didn’t, I wanted to move you. I didn’t- oh no, o-oh no.” You lower your head, biting back tears.
“The food wasn’t even for you. I brought it for Jungkook who cannot walk as far as the food hall”, Taehyung spits and points behind you. Jungkook is sitting by the table right behind you, staring at you in disgusted horror.
So Sooyeon pointed at him, not you. You completely embarrassed yourself.
“I didn’t know. I, oh gods, I-I…” you choke out and meet his eyes. They are darkened but hurt reflects in them deep inside.
“Thanks to you, he stays hungry. Are you happy?”
“I didn‘t- I don‘t know why I did that. I-” You look at Jungkook. “I’m so sorry.”
Jungkook scoffs and looks to the side, crossing his arms.
“Jungkook no I-” A panicked look back at Taehyung. “Sire, I didn’t- I-”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find someone to take care of the burns you just inflicted”, he hisses and stomps away.
“No, Sire. Oh gods, why did I do that?”
You run after him, catching him outside.
“Sire let me help, please. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Leave me alone”, he grumbles.
“Please, I can take care of it. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want you to”, he stops, staring at you with widened eyes and slightly flared nostrils.
You have never faced his anger so directly. It is scary and intimidating.
“Alright? I do not want you to take care of it. I want you to leave me alone.” He furrows his brows. “I mean, wasting food? Hurting me? How low can you steep?”
“I didn’t mean to. I wanted to push you away but I moved wrong. I don’t know why I did that.”
“Keep it. Right now I’m fucking angry at you and I need you to leave me alone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Keep it.” He shoves past you, stomping away. “No actually.” He stomps back to you. “I’m going to tell you something. You are a frustrating person. I get it, this morning sucked, but pushing me like we’re children at a playground is low. Especially for you.”
You cannot look away, trapped in this uncomfortable moment.
“You didn’t even know whether the food was for you. I didn’t even say one single word to you which could have excused a push. You acted awful and like a dumb child.”
“I’m sorry. I know”, you say which he ignores.
“You embarrassed yourself and if you don’t go to the food hall and make sure Jungkook is fed, I will lose even the last ounce of respect I have for you.”
His words cut deep and they originate from honest anger. You nod your head despite wanting to cry.
Taehyung huffs air and turns. He walks three steps before changing his mind and stomping back to you.
“And another thing: I’m so fucking tired of your game. Stop playing with my heart, you coward.”
You gasp.
“It’s not about the sex, hells I can wait for you for as long as you need me to. It’s about the fact that you make me believe you really care for me until suddenly push me away again without an explanation except for “it is what it is”. What a crap excuse.”
He points his finger at you.
“I’m tired of being played. You want me to leave you alone or not?”
“I-I just. No, but yes. I don’t. Maybe?”
“See? Even now. Stand by your own desires like an adult, for gods’ sake”, he snarls. “How should I know where I’m at with you when you don’t even know yourself what you want?”
“Sire, I’m really anxious right now. I-I cannot think.”
“Don’t try to make me feel bad for you.”
“No, it wasn’t that. I-I’m panicking.”
Taehyung does something he will not be proud of. He does something he fully knows is an awful move to make, but he still commits to it. He commits to it because right now he is too frustrated and in too much pain to not be selfish.
“I don’t care. You’re an adult, solve it yourself”, he spits and turns away to leave.
He doesn’t return again. He truly left and you are trapped under the emotional rubble, forced to find your own way out. You bite back tears because you shouldn’t cry. You bite back tears as you run to the food hall and you bite back tears as you trot the walk of shame to Jungkook’s table. Everyone is still staring, now whispering.
This is actual shame. This is how it feels when people lost just a little bit of respect for you. This is real, not your stupid imaginative shame you made up in your stupid confused head.
“Here is your food. I’m sorry for what I did”, you get out, avoiding Jungkook’s eyes.
Jungkook, who stared at you in distaste at first, relaxes his brows.
“Thank you. Why did you do it?”
“Because I’m a childish idiot who doesn’t know what she wants.”
“I uhm, I don’t know what this means.”
“It’s better if you don’t.”
“Okay? I think you’re alright. You helped me walk again”, he says and smiles.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I just need to-” you flee because the tears finally cannot be held back anymore.
“Mistress? Hey, what’s wrong?” Jungkook calls after you, unable to follow you because of his stupid legs.
You run away from him and the hospital and all the people who witnessed you act like a dumb child.
2087
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