being an adult is just saying to yourself “this is the weekend i’ll clean my [x]” and then proceeding to not do that because it’s the weekend and you deserve to relax, goddamnit
Lion El’Jonson
“You would be transformed into a worm?” The Lion stares for a long uncomfortable moment. “By whom?”
“That isn’t important.”
“It is absolutely important.” The Lion turns a silly relationship question into an active investigation, he wants to know whether this is a psychic curse, xenos bioweapon, mutation, assassination attempt or some kind of loyalty test. “No hypothetical question is this specific without cause.” After demanding several clarifications he finally answers. “If you remained yourself then yes but you would be kept in a secure terrarium until the threat was identified.”
Fulgrim
“Yes.” Fulgrim answers without hesitation. “You could become the lowliest creature crawling beneath the soil and I would still recognize the beauty of your soul. I would commission a garden worthy of you, a miniature palace of crystal so that I might admire you without placing you in danger.” He understands the actual point of the question but unfortunately he begins designing the worm enclosure aloud. “The crystal should be rose tinted… No, perhaps amethyst! And you would need a miniature crown.”
“Fulgrim, I’m not actually becoming a worm.”
“No, but the concept has artistic merit.”
Perturabo
“What species?” Perturabo asks.
“Any worm.”
“That isn’t sufficient information.”
“It’s just a question.”
“The conditions determine the answer.” Perturabo requires data. Are you an earthworm? A parasitic worm? A giant alien worm? Do you retain human cognition? Can you communicate? Was the transformation deliberate? Can it be reversed? You tell him he is thinking too hard and he becomes offended. “You have presented me with a logistical problem and now object to its proper examination.”
He builds you a worm habitat capable of surviving orbital bombardment, it has climate control, nutrient monitoring, automated soil rotation and six redundant life support systems.
You ask whether that means yes.
“Obviously.” Perturabo crosses his arms.
“Then why didn’t you just say that?”
“Because love does not exempt one from adequate planning.”
Jaghatai
“A worm?” Jaghatai understands the question perfectly but refuses to let you win easily “Would you still complain when I travelled too quickly?”
“I’m a worm.”
“That has never stopped you from complaining before.” He smiles. “Yes, I would love you but I would place you in a small pouch and carry you with me because worms are slow and I am not.”
Russ
“Why are you a worm?” Russ frowns.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Did Magnus do it?”
“No.”
“Then who?”
“Nobody, it's hypothetical.”
“Oh.” He squints at you then suddenly realizes what you are actually asking. “You want to know whether I would still choose you if you were helpless, strange and unable to offer me anything.” His expression softens. “Yes, little worm, I would keep you close. I would guard you from birds, frost boots and foolish men.” He then spends the rest of the day calling you ‘my little worm’ in front of everyone. You regret asking.
Dorn
“Yes.” Dorn answers literally and sincerely
“You wouldn’t be upset?”
“I would be concerned.”
“But you would still love me?”
“Yes.”
“What would you do?”
“Construct an appropriate habitat.” Dorn immediately begins listing practical requirements. He doesn’t mock the question and simply accepts that his beloved is now a worm and begins arranging defences.
“That’s very romantic.”
“It’s basic responsibility.”
Konrad Curze
“If you were a worm?” Curze looks at you with enormous, unblinking eyes. “Soft and defenseless, buried beneath the earth, surrounded by larger things waiting to devour you and unable to scream.” He leans closer. “I would know you, I would know which trembling little thing was mine.”
Sanguinius
“Yes.” Sanguinius answers before the question is even finished. “I would love you in every shape. I would miss your voice, your hands and your smile but I wouldn’t mistake loss for an end to love.” He smiles with unbearable tenderness. “I would keep you safe in the gardens.”
Ferrus
“No.” Ferrus frowns. “Because you wouldn’t be a worm.”
“That isn’t the point.”
“Then the question is defective.”
“It is supposed to test whether your love is unconditional.”
“Why not ask that?”
“Because this is funnier.”
Ferrus stares at you as though humour itself is a structural weakness until he realizes you are genuinely waiting for reassurance.“If some force reduced you to a worm, I would still love you. I would also locate whoever caused it and crush them.”
“Thank you.”
“But I would prefer you did not become a worm.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Good.” He considers the matter settled forever.
Angron
“Who called you a worm?” Angron’s expression changes immediately. “Who made you think I would stop loving you?”
“It’s only a joke.”
Angron understands the emotional insecurity underneath the question and it makes him furious at the possibility that you might doubt him. “You could be wounded, changed, broken, silent or helpless. You would still be you and if anyone stepped on you, I would kill them.”
“What about birds?”
“I would kill the birds.”
“All birds?”
“All birds within reach.”
You explain that birds are an important part of the ecosystem but Angron is unmoved. The skies are no longer safe.
Guilliman
“Yes, of course.” Guilliman recognizes the question, he saw it in archived social records and knows there is a socially appropriate response.
“That sounded rehearsed.”
“It wasn’t rehearsed.”
“You knew the answer before I asked.”
“I understood the likely intention.”
“You’re treating this like diplomacy.”
“I am not.” (He absolutely is.)
Mortarion
“A worm in the soil living among rot and decay?” Mortarion looks suspiciously pleased by the concept.
“Yes.”
“You might be better adapted than most.” He studies you for a moment then recognizes the hurt hidden behind the absurdity. “I would.”
“You would what?”
“Still love you.” He sounds almost annoyed that you made him say it aloud. “I would keep you somewhere dark and damp.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“It is what worms require.”
Magnus the Red
“What an intriguing problem.” Magnus’s eye brightens, already taking it far too seriously. “If consciousness remains intact despite radical physical transmutation then the soul must maintain continuity independent of neurological structure-”
“Magnus.”
“Alternatively, perhaps the worm body develops a psychic essence capable of housing your existing identity-”
“Magnus, it’s a yes or no question.”
“It is absolutely not.”
Soon Magnus is surrounded by floating books, he begins investigating transformation rituals, reincarnation, biomancy and the metaphysics of personhood.
“Would you love me?”
He looks genuinely startled that this was ever in doubt. “Of course.”
“Then why all this?”
“Because I intend to reverse it.”
He spends the next three weeks trying to prevent an event that was never going to happen.
Horus
“A worm?” Horus laughs warmly. “My love, I would recognize you if you were hidden among ten thousand worms.”
“How?”
“You would be the one causing trouble.” He smiles. “Yes, I would still love you. I would carry you in my pocket during councils and ask for your advice.”
“I couldn’t talk.”
“You would find a way to express disapproval.” Horus understands the question, reassures you and makes you laugh without making you feel foolish. You almost forget that he could probably convince an entire expeditionary fleet to love him as a worm too.
Lorgar
“Reduced from your present form yet retaining the essence of your soul...” Lorgar begins composing a sermon about love transcending flesh, the sacred humility of crawling creatures and the divine significance of transformation. Minutes later he finally returns to the original question. “Yes. I would love you.”
“Thank you.”
“I might even love you more profoundly, for your suffering would reveal-”
Vulkan
“But worms are very small and easily harmed.” Vulkan looks worried and is immediately concerned for your safety. “And many people don't watch where they walk.”
“Vulkan, it isn’t real.”
“I would make you a garden, a safe one with rich soil and small shelters.” He has already lifted you carefully, as if you might transform at any moment.
“And you’d visit me?”
“Every day.”
“Would you talk to me?”
“Of course.”
“What would you say?”
“The same things I say now.”
Corvus Corax
“Yes.” Corax’s answer is immediate and quiet. “A change of shape wouldn’t erase what you meant to me. I would place you somewhere hidden and where no one could find you.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“For protection.”
“Would you visit?”
“At night.”
“Why only at night?”
He doesn’t answer.
Alpharius Omegon
“You are already a worm.” Alpharius looks at you calmly.
“What?”
“Exactly.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“No.”
He refuses to explain.
Omegon enters five minutes later and you ask him the same question.
“Of course I would.”
“He said I’m already a worm.” You point accusingly toward Alpharius.
Omegon nods thoughtfully. “Then the question has already been answered.”
Neither of them will clarify whether this is a joke, metaphor, code phrase or operational secret but later you find a tiny box of soil beside your bed with a note written ‘for contingencies’. You still do not know which twin left it.
i'm thinking about charlotte brontë spending her last years editing and publishing her sisters' writings and about christopher tolkien dedicating his life to the protection and meticulous reconstruction his father's life's work and about johanna van gogh publishing the letters between vincent and theo that would propel vincent van gogh into fame because she knew how much her husband had loved his brother, and about how so often art isn't just a reflection of the artist's mind and skills but a testament to the fact that they were loved
My sister just quoted this post at me over dinner bc it was discussed in her philosophy class & I can't even smugly inform her of its authorship. Due to the mindhunter yaoi state of my most recent blog history.
See, with all the antiblack racism we've been put through over this man's sheer existence, is proof enough that he's excellent Black character design. Everyone rise and give Yasuke a standing ovation right NEOW-
Was discussing Guilliman's Farm Thing and there's something I need to break down for y'all here.
Guilliman is not a farmer. Guilliman knows jack fucking shit about what life is actually like for a farmer, or any other working-class, or middle class, or non-aristocratic class person. Like I am 100% certain he has read tons of statistics and books and whatnot but that is very different from actually living the life.
Guilliman is a chronic overachieving workaholic who was forced one (1) time to take a vacation when he was briefly stranded on an agrarian planet during an especially stressful time in his life, and he enjoyed that break so much that he has spent the rest of his life fantasizing about it. Has he ever taken a vacation since? No. Has he even realized that what he really wants is the peace and quiet of a vacation rather than the """"""""simple""""""" (FARMING ISN'T SIMPLE YOU COLOSSAL FUCKWIT) life of a farmer? Also no.
Guilliman is a very, very smart person who is, on occasion, a giant fucking dumbass. Thank you and good night.
Edit: lemme clear some things up—I’m not talking about Guilliman’s actual capabilities here. I’m talking about him treating agriculture like a fun getaway, rather than actual work. There’s a long history of wealthy/powerful people romanticizing the simple pleasures of rural life without ever getting their hands dirty. IMHO that’s a stupid fucking take. Labor is labor, whether urban or rural. THAT’S why I emphasized that farming isn’t simple. It’s work, not a vacation.
TBH, I was being kinda unfair to Gman here. We all have fantasies where we save the day, or tell our bosses to fuck off after winning the lottery, or devastate our rivals with comebacks so good that everyone else applauds. I’m just really burnt out on people taking Guilliman’s Walter Mitty fantasies seriously. Dude doesn’t actually want to be a farmer, he wants a vacation.
It rules because there is a whole historical precedent of aristocracy romanticizing the fuck out of The Simple Country Life and LARPing as peasants. Like Marie Antoinette commissioning an entire hamlet on the property of Versailles, where the buildings look like quaint cozy little renn faire cottages on the outside but are DECKED OUT with full blown, ostentatious rococo decorating inside.
They all love the fantasy of a fairy tale milkmaid/farmer life without any of the, y'know, actual risk of dying next winter if your crops catch the blight.
And that's wholly the appeal for Guilliman. "Ahh fresh air and the satisfaction of good, honest, hard work--", like no Roboute you just don't want to feel like the entirety of an empire is riding on your shoulders. You don't want to feel like humanity will go extinct if you fail to make honor roll one time. No part of him really grasps that the peasantry are also stressed the fuck out, but on a much smaller scale.
My biggest, dumbest, schlockiest comic book plot wish for 40k is that someone (Fabius Bile, Erebus, I don't fuckin know, take your pick) resurrects Curze using that clearly-an-aeldari-soulstone gem on the Corona Nox, thus creating a reflection of the Imperium Secundus dynamic but with Guilliman and the Lion now being old men who are stressed tf out by their mortgage payments.
I have read that GW being a progressive narrative rather than a stagnant sandbox is an extremely new thing, that Guilliman+the Lion coming back, Cadia falling, etc. were a big jump forward in plot that isn't actually typical of the franchise, so newer fans shouldn't expect any similarly big developments in the near future.
Plus the guy who introduced the whole "Zso Sahaal has the Corona Nox and some part of Curze's soul is very clearly inside of that shit" storyline apparently had a falling out with GW/Black Library, so not even sure they can utilize it.
But I stay dreaming. A bitch can aspire. A bitch can hope for some real stupid shit, as a treat.
EDIT: OH FUCK OFF PETER TURBO IS BACK BEFORE EITHER LORGAR OR CURZE? BEFORE GODS SHITTIEST LITTLE SOLDIERS? HE GETS TO COME BACK BEFORE EITHER OF MY INSUFFERABLE BOYS? FUCK YOU
I love how when you first peek into Warhammer and catch a glimpse of Roboute Guilliman (who will likely be the first Primarch you see) you think ok well this is some boring staid stiff-upper lip male fantasy. I bet he's never cried in his life and grouses about ~honor~ all the time. He's just some ultra-masc roman empire (pejorative) jerkbait. Get the fuck outta here, cardboard ass character.
And then you get into it and yeah he is staid and uptight as hell, but he's also a nerd none of the Primarchs particularly like? People in the books are like "shut up, Roboute, don't you have some homework to do somewhere" and he goes "Actually yes thank you for reminding me".
He'll try to be funny but then it doesn't land.
When Ferrus Manus, one of the only guys MORE staid and stoic than him, finds out from Fulgrim that Guilliman admires him greatly, he responds "It is not reciprocated"
They think he's a lame annoying doopfuck. I don't think he has a single friend amongst his brothers beyond Sanguinius and that's because Sanguinius is your default friend. He comes included when you're born as a Primarch.
With the Lion, he's agonizing over how perfectly organized his legion is, it makes him insecure. It's like watching the straight A+ honor roll student find out his classmate got an A++ and then laying his head down on his desk in class to hide the fact he's trying not to cry.
He's a dork. It's kind of great. To have this guy who looks like a male power fantasy, but he's the least fuckable man in the galaxy. If you tried to seduce him, he'd go "The color of your hair reminds me of a wheat field on a warm summer day. I need to configurate grain transport logistics. I have to go"
It's actually quite endearing, as far as fascist bureaucrats go
Roboute had the unfortunate circumstance that almost all of the brothers that did actually respect him turned traitor.
It was always funny to me that while everyone considered him a weak nerd it is implied that Peturabo got along with him at least somewhat well (by Peturabo standards, which is as insane as it is rare).
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I love reading 40k Roboute as some emotionally exhausted, depressed guy who's stressed tf out by his mortgage and paying for dad's elder care. There's also a certain amount of complexity brought to the character by the Armour of Fate; it's pretty much an allegory for having to adjust to a physical disability, which I doubt any Primarch is prepared to face.
I hope they revive Curze or bring Lorgar out of his multi-millennia long meditation just to make Guilliman's life harder. I feel like Egon in Ghostbusters II when he says "...lets see what happens when we take away the puppy"
Has anyone on here posted about the 2026 Wāhine Toa Firefighter Calendar full of buff firefighter women where all profits from sales go towards Breast Cancer Cure yet because, like, look at it
Initial stock has sold out but they're doing preorders for a second run that goes until November 10th (2025):
https://www.breastcancercure.org.nz/calendar/wahine-toa-firefighter-calendar-2026
never thought this day would come but i’m currently having a customer service experience so bad right now that i’m defecting from the employee regiment and joining the customers in their next battle. i don’t know who i am anymore.
experience that makes me research local customer service supervisors for a global corporation and tag them in a LinkedIn post, to fall upon their mercy.
long story short i have worked for a call center in customer service before and i knew something was not working out. i've had to call about this issue 5 times in 4 weeks because it's still not resolved, and each time the conversation has ended i've asked for an email confirmation of our conversation and a ticket number so i can call back and reference it with a new representative.
well every time i've called, the new representative has been like "i'm so sorry, but there's no ticket by that number. i have no record of you ever calling about this. i'll start a ticket for you."
finally, the fifth time i nearly burst into tears of frustration and i said "i don't want you to start a ticket for me, because it will be the sixth ticket created for this same issue. every week, one of your colleagues tells me they'll create a a new ticket for me, and then nothing happens."
they said, "i'm sorry but i have no record of those tickets existing." and i was like i KNOW. but they doooooo what is happening.
finally i got transferred to a supervisor's supervisor.
if you've ever worked in online customer service, you know that when a customer calls with a problem, you create a "ticket" that puts that issue into the system. if you can't resolve it, it goes into a ticket queue, where other people with the ability to resolve it select it, put it into their personal working queue, and resolve it.
well after 30 minutes of searching, this supervisor tells me, dumbfounded, that she's discovered a completely unique queue she's never seen before, where my tickets have been going somehow. a pocket universe queue that no one has access to or can edit or select from, not even her. she has no idea what's happening. she's like "yes, here are all your tickets, and no one can open them or comment on them or resolve them.....this is crazy......" and it's JUST my tickets in there. no one else's. of tens of thousands of customers.
all professionalism fell by the wayside. i told her i've worked with those queues before and also found that totally wild. she was like "what the hell is going on...." and talked me through everything she was seeing and how gobsmacked she was. we were both like "this is one for the books truly"
tells me she's going to have to bring this up above herself because this is a really big error on like, a coding level, that she has no idea how to resolve. tells me she will personally call me back tomorrow to update me.
four days pass with no word.
i call customer service again. random agent. explain the entire situation, including that last bit.
agent says "i'm sorry but i have no record of those tickets existing. i'll have to start a ticket for you. rest assured, it will be resolved."
i said, "no it won't be. it never will be. because they're in the special queue."
clearly not believing me, they said, "i've heard nothing about that. i'll start a new ticket for you."
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