a syzygy--the self, self-perception, and the you you want to be

the average tumblr user they/them agender enby my PFP depicts a character 'falling groundward while gazing skyward,' as we'll say my banner is an OC of mine! the storyteller! isn't it so adorable? it's totally not mephisto or anything

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vent I might delete that I will regret posting

There’s nothing like an argument to get you thinking about what the people you care about really mean to you. It’s almost like having a breakdown makes you more deserving of being called selfish than ever, as if your life is really that great. Do you think that people like that can understand what it’s like to have expectations of treatment for yourself? To feel safe for once? Why do I even bother? So, why pretend to care? Why care about any word that you hear? Why does it matter? If there’s a time in your life where you can’t trust anyone to love you anymore, then why… anything?

To live is to change; to die is to change, as well. But one of these stops, and the other doesn’t. Sometime long ago, I decided that I’d rather change, and that I’d rather not cease, so there was really only the path of eternal life. When I faced death within minutes, from someone who was supposed to love me, I’d have rather lived, yes? Why is that? It’s change, again. I wanted so desperately to change. I couldn’t die as whatever they called me. Perhaps it’s also spite. If this life is so cruel now, I’ll continue living miserably, and hope that it will change. Part of it’s me. Part of it isn’t. And that’s realistic, I feel.

You know, when I was a child, my parents told me that I’d die soon, for months on end. I don’t think that they remember, or even care. Funnily enough, I remember, and I care. What was even the point in that? What was the cause? Something more minor than they made it out to be. It’s like the idea of it negatively affecting their child was completely absurd. Can you believe it? I’m sick of it. Always the same, same, same. If they know me, it’s terrible, and if they don’t know me, it’s pleasant, because none of that baggage exists. In fact, I think that’s why I like fandom culture so much. I can empathize with people that don’t even exist, and talk with people who will never see me again, and if things go south, I can just leave. It’s that simple. The outcome can only ever be ‘good.’

I don’t really know what to say anymore. I feel somewhat better thanks to writing this. I’ll see you, Tumblr.

[meekzhyu]

starlo drawing from right after finishing UTY

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teeth gnashing at this perfection. 'so, look up at the barrel of my gun.' I SUDDENLY HAD AN EPIPHANY.

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the true best thing to do as Liam

Edited a bit from this post: Reddit So, here’s la salle d’attente (the waiting room), probably, the main points given emojis to signify their canonicity.

After a person dies, they arrive in an endless expanse of void interrupted by a table, two chairs, and a radio. ✅ There is one such afterlife for each universe. 👍 When its antenna is raised, the number on the radio will correspond to the destination of the raiser. ✅ The number this radio displays can be changed to any number from the set of all numbers that terminate in decimal 🤔 People are lured into true death by visions of the people and places they cared for. 👍 Those with nothing to lure them away see the truth. 👍 The waiting room fully recognizes many different species of sapients ✅ ...and extends its 'kindness' to non-biological sapients like Texty. 👍

The world of HFJONE is similar to the world of Borges’ Library of Babel. It’s an infinity of nonsense in which someone in the nonsense creates meaning. Most people are doomed by it, and the rest most likely give up eventually, realizing the near-pointlessness of exploration. But what does this mean? People can technically go on living after any accident. In fact, if one is going to die slowly and painfully, one might as well go to the waiting room and spend that time contemplating one's life instead. The waiting room is undeniably better than a traumatic brain injury, as long as one can return to one's own world, or any habitable world. Why not travel forever instead of succumbing? Most universes are complete garbage for most types of sapients, and finding one’s way home is statistically impossible. One probably gives up on memorizing codes eventually and therefore can’t convince any sapients one meets of the truth. Nor can one save oneself from repeating the process when one dies after finding a new home. But, you know what Liam might eventually have access to? The code to his Earth. Imagine a world where people don’t wander off in the waiting room. Even for babies, it’s fine; the UN has people stationed in the afterlife to prevent any deaths and to allow for the code back to Earth to be entered correctly every time. Quick ways of dying are obsolete. The worst thing one has to worry about is mental degradation. People focus on biological immortality and space exploration to account for the increased population... or perhaps even multiversal exploration. After all, if the waiting room is clogged up, the solution is to expand to more universes. Liam is also in the unique situation to prove the truth, because he has Airy’s computer. He can eventually learn to grant the wishes that Airy might’ve been able to. Even the canon teleportation is enough to prove the existence of 'the supernatural'. He can bring this to the attention of all world leaders, no, the world population. So, remember, fellow HFJONE fans! If Liam returns to his Earth after ‘only’ having saved the contestants, he’s dooming billions (maybe more if we include aliens that could’ve eventually been saved) to death! :D

Man, the world of HFJONE sucks if it requires one man to spend years of his life toiling away to save billions from death. But he would be hailed as a hero…

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079 and 682 are all about...

Let's puzzle it out. 682 is hurt, and then changes. 079 gets more space, and then changes. An input turns into an output. Even while trapped, they change. What connects the two? it's adaptation. that's the answer to this little riddle. full points. Look, if you want to know what could possibly connect the funny computer and funny lizard, it's this. I can't stop thinking about it at 4AM or something. This is a quote from my stupid crossover fanfic, but bear with me: “Beings like that are beyond us. That's what it means to be anomalous ... God ... from the machine—deus ex machina. That's what they are ... And if [we] could've teased out a staircase into understanding then, it'd have been fine. But there's no staircase. There's a particle accelerator. We get to the heart of it too quickly to be saved… and they know it! They want us to keep doing it, because they're watching us up there! And they will always be up there, forever ascending while we try in vain to seize them! The harder we try, the more they ascend! They can guess that some idiot will try to—they—sorry, am I rambling?" This is the point. Whatever you give to either of them will cause them to become greater. 6820 and 7579 are therefore both manifestations of total adaptation, a spiral into godhood. How similar they are! 682 is usually physically adapting, and 079 is mentally adapting. But we can also say that 682 is 'converging' to perfection in some way where it wobbles, while 079 is probably experiencing a steady march toward better and better compression. So, adaptation to infinite change and adaptation to a fixed point? That's how they fit together, two halves of the adaptation sandwich. Anyways, now I'ma jumpscare you with my in-progress Neuro-sama/SCP fic. That's where the quote is from, and what got me thinking about this. Anyone coming solely from the SCP side can safely ignore this . For those on the Neuroverse side, it's not that hard to read a bit of SCP stuff and get the gist if you don't know already, and then you can read this. Neuroverse: Containment Breach I promise that I have good takes on 079 and 682 even when the actual 079 and 682 are absent. I should make a post where I praise my own writing excessively...