One final question. How would you view a Mephisto with an actually strong lover but, unlike the rest, they know he manipulates them and actually likes that he does it (lets be fr. To be with him u gotta have some fewer screws in the head)
Regarding your first message, unfortunately I donât know any other websites. Other than FF.net, but hardly anyone uses it anymore after the purges. I honestly donât understand why there arenât more AoEx fanfics. đŠ I need to rewatch it. Or at least the parts with Amaimon đ
As for Mephistoâs lover. I feel like youâd have to realize heâs manipulating you eventually. The man practically lives for schemes. Heâd probably get bored with someone too oblivious pretty quick. I think heâd be much more interested in someone who knows exactly what heâs doing and chooses to play the game anyway. Someone strong enough to push back, but just as entertained by the chaos as he is.Â
Do you have a favorite human fighter in Record of Ragnarok? Also have you checked out the spinoff manga Gods Apocalypse? It is about 'Outer' Gods competing for the final spot in Ragnarok and takes place before Record of Ragnarok. Introduces some neat characters, plus, Shiva (unfortunately not Buddha too) makes an appearance :)
I'm doing better, thank you!
Sasaki is my favorite, I don't know why lol. Everytime I think of the human fighters he is the first one who pops in my mind. I also like Jack but then I remind myself he was a POS in life. đ
I've read some of it! Just see Buddha's name on the screen lol. I hope it gets animated, intense battles like that are so much easier to follow when they're animated.
Im so sorry I sent my previous ask without seeing your post about your healthđđ I really hope you get better soon please take care of yourself âĄ
Thank you, Iâm doing better. âĄ
Iâve actually been getting a few comments on the Envy fic recently. I did got a really rude comment when I posted chapter 2 last year though, and it kind of killed my motivation for it. I tried rereading the fic recently because I wanted to finish it, but I just couldnât get back into the right mindset for it. I donât know if itâs because that comment is still sitting in the back of my mind or not.
But thank you for the kind message. I really appreciate it.
After the seizure I had in April when I lost awareness I had to raise my dose of medication (doctor okayed it) The seizures stoppedâŚbut the medication made me feel worse than the seizures ever did.
I couldnât get up from bed around an hour after I took it, couldnât even lift my head without feeling really dizzy and uncomfortable. Got really sick twice and couldnât even get up from bed as I threw up. Both times it happened in the middle of the night. I remember everything in detail both times so they werenât seizures just an awful side affect from the medication. Honestly I canât even put into words how horrible I felt. Iâd lay in bed for hours unable to move because of pain after taking the medication. I was hoping it was because I wasnât eating enough with it but that didnât help.
Anyway, lowered the dose once again and havenât had a seizure but itâs only been a week. So, not getting excited yet.
Iâm going to Vegas in July. So it would be nice in they stopped đ plus a 12 hour flight to the USâŚI hate this.
do you have any general 'x reader' headcanons for Shiva and Buddha (sep)?
Honestly, I donât really think Iâm good at headcanons because I start thinking too much and itâd turn into a 2k word fic đ However, I would be willing to write scenarios or one-shots. I like writing interactions.
My brain is finally working a little better lately *knock on wood*
I just discovered your ROR fanfic and I love it! You write Shiva and Buddha so well. I'm excited to see more but please do not rush, take your time!
I think it's a bit refreshing seeing an AU where it's just Shiva rather than him and his wives. Nothing against the ladies, there just isn't much about them to go by in the manga/anime. Plus who wouldn't want to take Shiva for themselves lol.
Have a great day! :)
Thank you so much! Iâm happy youâre enjoying it and like the AU with Shiva. We only see the wives for maybe a couple of minutes, so I would even struggle to remember which is which. đŠ
Also I wouldnât want to share him đ
My health is getting better so hopefully Iâll get the first chapters for the routes out soon. â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Hello, I Just wanted to say I love your ror fanfic series(I'm sorry if that's not how you say it) and I am very excited for the next partđ But you don't need to hurry because taking care of yourself is more important and should always come first, so please make sure that you eat when you can, drink enough water, take your medication and take breaks when you need themâ¤ď¸
I hope you have a good day/night
Thank you! I love to hear that you are enjoying it.
Thank you for all the support. My medication dose is so high that it makes me really sick if I don't eat enough. So, I skipped a night after getting really sick that morning. Then even though I took the medication in the morning, I still had that seizure around 17:30 đŠ Could've at least waited until I got home. đ¤
I bruised my tailbone when I fell, so it hurts to sit down đ but other than that I'm okay now. Trying to eat more around the same time I take the medicine, so it balances out.
It's 2am, so sorry if my reply is a little like rambling or off.
I read your envy x reader and it was fucking amazing!!!! You write that sadistic shit head so well!!! I'm sorry you got a mean comment :(
whoever said it is an asshole and doesn't know what they're talking about!
The banter had me wheezing and cackling more than once!
This is my absolute part, I giggle every time I think about it!
Every time they talked about James I lost it laughing.
Me at your envy fic:
Thank you for the support â¤ď¸ it was honestly really depressing and just irritating at the same time. Why bother if you don't like something đ
Maybe it's because of their comment but I tried to go back to it after your comment, but when I read it, I couldn't finish it. I guess it affected my view of the story. If I go back to it in a few months, maybe it'll be different.
But thank you for the feedback, I'm honestly shocked and I don't even know how to respond. I never expected to hear something like this from anyone. â¤ď¸
Iâm confused. Have I missed some kind of trend when leaving comments? đ maybe itâs because of the seizure but Iâm really confused. How did I go from a âgodâ to the biggest loser in my town? đ
Is this a legit comment with trolling at the end? The âyou are destined for big thingsâ felt weird but then I became the biggest loser in my town đ
I had another seizure yesterday where I lose awareness. I was picking up my daughter from primary school. I was able to call her attention right before I lost awareness. Apparently there was a crowd around me because I fell then laid down.
My brain is mush like always.
Then got really sick after lunch today over ten hours. I couldnât lift my head without feeling extremely nauseous đŠ My medication dose is so high I have to eat a sturdy meal or get really sick. I didnât eat enough.
So Iâll be rereading Heavenâs Favorite Sin to help with my memory lol. Feel free to read it tooâŚor chapter 37. Itâs the final before the routes đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Itâs midnight now and I canât sleep because I slept on and off the whole day lol.
No matter what you think, Vaeris is the one in control...
Stretching across the bed quickly tells you Shiva isnât here before you open your eyes. Your back arches as you raise your arms above your head, and you groan slightly at the feeling. Maybe you should do more yoga. Shiva hasnât been pushing yoga or meditation here as much as he does when youâre at home. Should I be worried that Shiva hasnât been? Especially with everything going on.Â
âShut up. Youâre going to jinx yourself,â you scold aloud. With your luck, heâll push you into a painful yoga pose when he gets back.
Finally opening your eyes, you turn toward the clock on the bedside table. âEight-thirty? Well, at least itâs not six.â Maybe youâre inching back into your sleep habits? Could it be that my body needed time to adjust to being in Valhalla?Â
A knock on the door jolts you from your thoughts.
Did someone know exactly when I woke up? Thatâs not creepy at all. You frown, stumbling off the bed. A few times when your father seemed to knock on the door as soon as you woke up flash through your mind.
Your muscles ache as you stretch, joints popping. Whoever is out thereâyour father, Buddha, or anyone elseâcan wait. You roll your shoulders, feeling stiff and uncomfortable. Maybe you need those painful yoga poses.
You pull the door open and stare at the man before you, his grin bright, his lower canines sharp and on display. âHow did you know I was awake?â
Buddha tilts his head, a slight bit of confusion mixing with his too-peppy morning expression. âWhat do you mean?â
âMoments after I woke up, you knocked.â
Buddha shakes his head. âHoneybee, I knocked before that.â
âSo you woke me upâŚagain.â
âSorry.â Despite his words, he canât hide his grin.
You huff, âFinally, Iâm beginning to sleep in, and people keep waking me up. I swear, you and Dad donât want me to sleep in. Only Shiva respects my love of sleeping in,â you complain. If Shiva isnât still asleep, heâs quiet about itâmeditating or doing yoga, whatever it is he does. Either way, he lets you sleep as long as you want.
Buddha pulls you into his arms. âAw, donât be like that.â He presses a kiss to your temple. âYouâre alone. Wouldnât you rather have someone with you? Holding you?â he teases.
âNot really. I enjoy not having to share a bed with someone.â You lie through your teeth. Since Shiva started staying over more and more over the last two years, somewhere along the way, sleeping alone had started to feel⌠wrong.
Buddha hums as if he doesnât believe youâbut he doesnât call you out on it. âShame, I enjoy sharing a bed with you.â
âMhm, did you need something?â You cover your mouth as you yawn.
âJust wanted to have a chat about your old friend.â
âI donât have any old friends.â
Buddha releases you slightly, tilting his head. âNo?â
âNoâŚI mean, you and Shiva are pretty ancient, but I assume you didnât mean it in that context.â
Buddha tilts his head slightly. âAncient,â he repeats, a faint smile tugging at his lips. âYou seem to enjoy older company.â Before you can make a quip, he holds up a book. A book that clearly has a lot of water damage. One you threw into the fountain yesterday.
âSiddhartha!â You reach for the book, but he easily holds it above your head.
â______.â
You drop your arms. Itâs useless to try to get something from a god when theyâre keeping it from you. You learned that quickly with Shiva. âPlease tell me there arenât any embarrassing storiesââ You might not have had a crazy life or gone to parties, or whatever it is some teenagers at your school did at that age. Still, that doesnât mean it isnât something your father noted as embarrassing. Why did I toss it in the fountain like an idiot?
âNothing thatâs too much.â He lowers his hand and carefully flips through the book, not wanting to tear the water-damaged pages. âThe biggest thing that stands out is your friend.â
âHe wrote something about Shiva?â
Buddha shakes his head, points to a passage, and hands you the book.
An anomaly has approached ______âor attempted to. His presence causes visible discomfort. She appears uncertain how to respond to being fully acknowledged.
Based on research of adolescent humans, his behavior is consistent with romantic interest.
Before you can say a word, Buddha turns the page.
Following interaction, ______ exhibited delayed behavioral response.
She later approached and reported that the human had requested her presence at a cinema. I inquired whether she wished to attend. She exhibited hesitation and could not offer a definitive response.
The human has become overly familiar with ______. Continued interaction offers no additional benefit. The unnecessary anomaly has been eliminated.Â
âEliminated?â Your chest tightens as you read the words. âWhat does that mean? Did he hurt someone?â
âSounds like this human asked you out on a date, and Vaeris didnât like it," Buddha frowns. "You donât remember the human? Even if itâs not a friendship, do you remember any human from around that time?âÂ
You glance at the date. âThis is a month before I met Shivaââ
âThe human, ______. Do you remember a human?â He cups your face, his blue eye locking onto yours.
You read the entry again, eyes scanning the page as you try to picture what he is referring to. Picture a boy approaching you, asking you to go to the cinema with him. Your dad said he became overly familiar with you. Does that mean you two became friends? Or was it possibly dating, and your dad just didnât know how to word it?Â
Again and again, you read it. Nothing comes to mind. âBuddha, what do you think he meant by âeliminatedâ? Do you think he hurt him?â You close the book. âI have no idea who this could be. You and Shiva are the only people Iâve been friends with.â
Buddha frowns as he takes the notebook from you. âCome on.â He grabs your hand.
âWhere are we going?â
âHome.â
You raise a brow. âLike my home?â
âOne day.â
âWhat?â
âWhat?â
âSiddhartha.â
âLetâs go,â He steps behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders as he guides you out. âWe need to have a serious talk, _______.â
âDo you think Dad hurt him?âÂ
âNo. But we still need to talk about it.â
-----------------
When Buddha brings you back to his home, blankets and pillows are laid out on the veranda overlooking his garden. Multiple books are laid out; a closer look shows theyâre your fatherâs notebooks from over the years.
âI was surprised while reading that it sounds like heâs a good father.â Buddha sits and motions for you to join him.
âThatâs great and all but eliminatedââ
âHe threatened me, claiming he could erase your memories of me and my memories of you. However, he also claimed heâs never done it before.â Buddha frowns. âIt sounds like thatâs what he did to the boy who wanted to date you.â He grabs another notebook. âHe also did it to other children when you were younger. The moment he felt you were unsafe, he erased their memories.â He points to an entry describing how he did it when primary school began.Â
âSo, heâs just been erasing people my whole life?â
âNo.â Buddha shakes his head. âFrom what I read, it seems heâs only done it twice, completely erasing. However, he somehow made it so people donât remember you.â He slides a notebook toward you that confirms what you both already knew.Â
You sink to your knees, glancing at the notebook but not bothering to pick it up. You trust what Buddha says, and itâs been clear to you since childhood that people always seem to overlook you, forget you, and look through you.Â
âSoâŚany idea what Dad is?â
âZero.â
âWell, thatâs helpful.â
Buddha shrugs. âMaybe there isnât any information about what he is or where he came from, but there are other interesting things. Some I wasnât expecting.â
âLike?â
âHe played dolls with you.â
You stare at Buddha, blinking slowly as the lily pattern appears, then lean forward and laugh. âIâm sorry, but I told you he tried to be a normal Dad and even faked emotions until I was an early teen.â
Buddha stares at you, silent. You frown and straighten. âYou think itâs weird? I guess some fathers are weird about that kind of thing,â you murmur to yourself. There are plenty of dads who wouldnât play with dolls, I suppose. Toxic masculinity bullshit. You blink, then stare into Buddhaâs eye. âSo, you wouldnât play dolls with your daughter?âÂ
âOf course I would play dolls with our daughter.â
Our daughter. You puff your cheeks as you stare at the book, trying your best to channel your inner emotionless father and failing. A warm finger hooks under your chin, lifting it so you canât avoid his warm gaze and the lily pattern blooming. He stares at you for a second before leaning in, his warm lips pressing against yours. The familiar warmth and sense of safety you always feel around him intensify.Â
âOr daughters,â he whispers against your lips. âHow many do you want?â
Your face burns at his words. Itâs really unfair. âI canât tell if you really want kids or if you just enjoy watching me squirm.â His teasing is worse than Shivaâs. Itâs a completely different kind of teasing, but itâs obviously teasing. âI donât want kids.â You lie.
Buddha hums softly. âThen why are you concerned about how your father will act around your future children?â
âWhy are we talking about this?â
âYou questioned if I would play dolls with our daughter. The answer is yes.â
âI said your daughter.â
âAnd I said our daughter.â
I need to stop giving him ammo. Itâs unfair. âIt looks like maybe you read more of the notes than I did. Anything about my maternal family?â
Buddha straightens. âNo, if there is any information about them, he didnât hand it over. Considering he takes notes on everything, Iâm sure he has them. Do you know where he keeps them? Are there any notebooks in your apartment?â
âNo idea.â
âWant to go check?â
âMy apartment is on earth; we are in Valhalla.â
âYeah,â He nods. âSo, do you want to go check?â
âHow?â You sigh, âI canât leaveââ
âYes, you can.â Buddha gives you a confused look. âHoneybee, Shiva isnât the only one who can take you back home. Iâll bring you right back, only a few hours.â He shrugs.
.
.
.
âAll this time I couldâve been at home!â
Of course, you idiot. Shiva can easily take you to Valhalla and backâhe took you home the first time. All this time, you couldâve been relaxing in your apartment. With Netflix. With anime. With fanfiction. With your oven. I couldâve been sleeping in my bed. Okay, well, the bed here might be a smidge more comfortable than your bed at home.Â
Buddha watches in quiet amusement as your expression shifts from disbelief to realization, then to irritation.
âAh, Iâm going to strangle him, I swear,â you grumble, flipping through the notebook a little more aggressively than necessary. For a moment, you forget where you areâforget that youâre in Buddhaâs home, with him right across from youâas you imagine hitting the four-armed idiot with a book⌠or maybe a frying pan. âStupid four-armed asshole.â
You freeze.
His gaze is still on you.
Heâs going to think Iâm just some kind of violent human. Not that you could blame him. That did sound a little violent. Why am I so comfortable saying things like that about Shiva?
âHeâs the only oneââ The words slip out before you can stop them, and you snap your mouth shut. I canât say that my best friend is the only one I casually think about strangling. That sounds even worseâeven if itâs true.Â
âItâs normal,â Buddha says, voice easy, like it doesnât bother him at all.
Your head snaps up.
âTo have a relationship like that,â he continues, watching your reaction more closely now. âPeople who are close tend to speak like that with each other.â He pauses briefly, then adds, almost as an afterthought, âSiblings, usuallyâŚâ
You visibly cringe.
ââŚor close friends,â he finishes with a quiet sigh.
You can feel your face burning as his eye pins you. Clearing your throat, you straighten slightly. âCould you take me home tomorrow?â
âYouâre so cute.â Buddha grins.
âSaying I want to strangle my best friend is cute?â
âYeah.â He nods, completely unbothered. âBut I donât particularly like your best friend, soâŚthat might be part of it.â
âWhat if I said I want to strangle my dad?â
Buddha doesnât hesitate. âDo you want to strangle your dad?â
âNo.â It comes out easilyâtoo easily. You furrow your brow slightly.
âHave you noticed your emotions have changed about Vaeris?â
âNo.â
Buddha studies you for a moment, unblinking. âWell,â he says finally, voice calm, certain, âI have.â
You frown slightly. âWhat do you mean?â
âYou were angry.â His gaze stays fixed on you. âHurt.â
You shrug lightly. âYeah, wellâobviously.â
âAnd now?â he asks.
You open your mouth, then pause. ââŚIâm stillââ
Buddha tilts his head slightly, watching you more closely. âAre you?â
The question lingers longer than it should.
You look down at the notebook in your hands, flipping a page just to have something to do. The irritation is still thereâkind of. But itâsâŚquieter. DullerâŚis it there? It feels more like youâre trying to put it there now. âI justâŚâ You trail off, brows knitting together. âI want answers.â
âThatâs not what I asked.â
Your fingers still.
âI asked if you were still angry.â
You hesitate. ââŚI donât know,â you admit quietly.
Buddha hums softly, not surprised. âClose your eyes, ______.â
You donât even question it.
Itâs almost automatic at this pointâShiva has pushed you into this enough times over the past two years that your body responds before your mind does. You shift slightly where you sit, letting your shoulders relax as your eyes fall shut.
âBreathe,â Buddha murmurs.
You inhale slowly, steady, letting it out just as controlled. Again. In. Out.
âFocus on it,â he continues, voice quiet, guiding. âNot the thoughts. The feeling.â
Your fingers tighten slightly around the notebook before loosening, letting it rest in your lap. You try to follow itâtrace it back to what you felt over the years. The anger. The frustration. That sharp, almost suffocating pain that started when he shoved you into Shivaâs arms. For two years, youâve felt anger and pain, like a painful roller coaster.Â
âIâm not angryâIâm not hurt.â
âDo you love him?â
âOf course I doâIâ Your eyes snap open as fear creeps into the back of your mind. âI love him. He is my dad.â You start to stack the books, a little more aggressively than you meant. âHeâs my dad. I love him. Iââ
Buddha cuts in before you can spiral further. âYou love him.â His hands close gently around yours, stilling the movement. âYou wouldnât have reacted like that if you didnât.â
Your hands falter in his grip.
âIâm sorry,â he adds more quietly, lifting your left hand and pressing a soft kiss to your palm. âRelax, sweetheart.â
âSomething feels different.â You whisper as you try to sort your feelings for your father.
Buddha doesnât answer immediately. He sweeps the books aside and pulls you into his lap, your back pressed against his warm chest as his chin settles against your shoulder.
âHe interferes with how you feel,â he says quietly.
Your brows pull together. âHe makes me love him?â
Buddha lets out a soft sigh. âNo. Not like that.â His arms tighten slightly around you. âYou were angry. Hurt. Youâve been holding on to that for two years.â
Your fingers curl slightly against his arm.
âAnd now,â he continues, voice low, âitâs gone. Not fadedâgone.â
A pause.
âI canât tell if heâs doing it,â Buddha adds, quieter now, âor if it happens on its own when it comes to him.â
Taking a deep breath, you relax against him, closing your eyes. âDoes it sound bad if I just want to be in my bed with junk foodâor dessertsâto finish this conversation?â you whisper.
As safe and comfortable as you feel with Buddha, the feeling settles in anyway. A quiet, persistent ache. Youâre homesick now more than ever. You just want to be in your own bedâburied under your blankets, screaming into your pillow before stuffing your face with junk food and staring blankly at your computer screen, trying to make sense of everything.
Thereâs a small pause.
Buddhaâs breath brushes against your skin as he shifts slightly behind you.
âAre you inviting me for a sleepover?â he murmurs, nipping lightly on your ear. Â
You pause, taking a deep breath. âYes.â
He stillsâjust for a second.
Shiva barely makes it a step into the room before a pillow smacks him in the head.
âShiva! You asshole, all this time I couldâve been sleeping in my own bedâin my own apartmentâwatching Netflix! I canât believe you.â
He closes the door behind him slower than youâd like, one hand coming up to his head like the pillow actually did something. âWhatâs your problem?â he shoots back, matching your scowl.
âI couldâve been home!â
âYeah,â he admits without hesitation.
âShiva!â
âYou never asked me to take you home.â He tosses the pillow back at you, and you catch it against your chest. âSo whatâs the problem?â
âYou made it sound like I couldnât go home until after Ragnarok!â
âDid I?â He tilts his head.
âYes!â you snap, gripping the pillow tighter.
He shrugs. âThen thatâs on you.â
Your eyes narrow. âI told you I wanted to go home.â
âYeah,â he nods, completely unfazed. âYou said you wanted to go home. You didnât say, âShiva, take me home between matches.â Thatâs not the same thing.â
I am going to strangle him when he goes to sleep tonight. You grit your teeth in irritation, trying to remember if you asked him to take you home. You asked him if you could go home after Ragnarok, but did you ask him to take you home? Even if I didnât, he knows! âYouâre my best friend, I shouldnât have to say it!â
âRight, Iâm your best friend, not a mind reader.â He shrugs as he sits on the sofa in the living area.
Being slightly spiteful, you huff and drop onto the bed. Instead of joining him on the sofa, you sit cross-legged, glaring at him. Though the best option would be to leave, youâre already comfortable in the room. âBest friends should be able to read each other like that.â
âSorry.â His tone is dry as he leans back against the sofa, closing his eyes.
âAre you meditating?â
âYes.â He cracks one eye open to glance at you. âI suggest you do the same.â His gaze lingers for a second before he adds, âYouâre ferocious today.â
You donât. Should you? Yes, probably. However, youâre irritated and petty. So, instead, you lean against the bed and just glare at the ceiling. For a moment, anyway.
âThere was a guy before you.â
That breaks him out of meditation, or the start of it, anyway. âWhat?â
âOkay, so, Iâm still mad at you. HoweverâŚlook at this! Dad said there was a guy that I knew, and he said something about eliminating him. Do you think Dad killed a human for trying to be my friend?â
Shiva opens his mouth to respond, but youâre already moving towards the sofa and pushing the notebook closer to his face. âLook at the date.â
One of his lower hands catches your wrist, nudging you back just enough so he can actually see what youâre holding in front of him. His eyes flick over the page, unimpressed. âWhat about it?â
âItâs not long before I met you.â
âSo?â
You blink.
The notebook slips from your fingers before you can stop it, but he catches it easily with his lower hands, glancing at you with a faint, almost confused look.
âSoâŚâ you repeat, slower this time, the word falling flat as the thought unravels in your head.
Shiva doesnât say anything. He leans back against the arm of the sofa, all five eyes settling on you, watchingâwaitingâas your expression shifts from urgency to something less certain.
I didnât think this through.
You drop your hands into your lap, clicking your tongue softly. âUhâŚâ
âDoes it matter?â Shiva lifts the notebook slightly, pointing to the date without looking away from you. âDo you actually care?â
You stare blankly at him.
âWell?â He leans forward. âAre you upset about it?â
âIââ You hesitate, brows knitting slightly. ââŚI donât know.â The words feel off even as you say them. You shift, a little uncomfortable under his stare. âI just⌠I want to know what eliminated means.â
âWant a dictionary?â
âFunny.â You snatch the notebook from him, tapping it against his shoulder before flipping it open again. Your eyes scan the page before you read aloud, âThe human has become overly familiar with _____. Continued interaction offers no additional benefit. The unnecessary anomaly has been eliminated.â
You frown at the book. âHow did he go from eliminating humans who tried to befriend me to taking me to Valhalla and literally shoving me into the arms of a god who didnât even particularly like humans?â You huff lightly. âWithin a month, itâs like he did a complete one-eighty. You threatened to kill meâŚâ
âMaybe he hates humans.â
âDad doesnât have emotions.â
Shiva gives you an unimpressed look. âRight. Either way, I donât see why it matters. Unless youâre heartbroken over losing some random human.â
âNo, but he made me forget someone, right?â Your grip tightens on the notebook. âWhat if he does it again? What if I forget you orââ Your mouth snaps shut.
âOr?â
ââŚor Dad?â
âRight.â His tone turns dry.
You sink down into the sofa, frowning slightly. âShiva?â
â_____.â
âWhy do my feelings about this change when Iâm around you?â When you were with Buddha, you cared, you wanted answers. You were curious about this guy that Dad eliminated. It felt more upsetting that he mightâve been eliminating people from your life.
He scoffs quietly. âThey donât.â His gaze sharpens as it holds yours. âYou didnât care beforeânot like this. Not until you started spending time with him.â Your fingers tighten around the cushion as he says aloud what you were thinking. His tone flattens. âItâs not me. Itâs Buddha. Heâs getting into your head, messing with how you think, how you feelâand youâre just letting it happen.â
You stare at him as the words sink in. âAre you saying heâs manipulating me?â
Shiva snorts. âYeah. Enlightened. Detached. No desire, no attachmentâthatâs the whole point, isnât it?â His gaze sharpens slightly. âYet heâs interested in you.â
âWell, itâsââ
âHe wants you.â Shiva cuts in, like itâs obvious. âAnd heâs not above manipulating you to get what he wants.â He shrugs, unimpressed. âThatâs why I told you to stay away from the other gods, stubborn idiot.â
âI feel like weâve had this conversationâŚâ
âAnd we will continue to have it until you realize youâre being an idiot.â
âShivaââ
His lower left arm wraps around your waist and his upper right hand covers your mouth as he pulls you into his lap. âShut up,â he growls. âYou donât care about that human. You donât care what Vaeris is, where you came from, or who your mother might be.â His grip tightens slightly. âYou care about your life. Your routine. Trying new recipes, going to coffee shops, watching those stupid documentaries, then turning to me and asking if any of itâs actually right.â A pauseâhis voice drops. âYou care about me. Your dad.â His eyes narrow slightly. âAnd you care about humanity winning. Thatâs it.â
You grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from your mouth so you can speak. âI also care about my university classes.â
Shiva scoffs. âYouâre really choosing lectures over me?â He tilts his head slightly. âWhen I could just tell you what actually happened?â
You close your eyes, leaning your head against his shoulder with a quiet huff. Heâs kind of rightâwhich makes it worse. âI hate you,â you grumble.
----------------------------
Deciding to take a break from Shivaâreally, both of themâyou made your way to the nearby garden. A nice, peaceful place to clear your mind, at least for twenty minutes, before amethyst eyes pin you to the bench where you sit. Once again, you have his notebooks, though this time you care less about finding answers and more about simply reading your own history.
âI gotta say, Iâm glad you took notes instead of recording videos.â You close the notebook in your hand as you straighten. âWith the way you document things, I canât imagine how overbearing youâd be with a camera.â
The notebook in your fatherâs hand flips open, but this time there is no pen.
âI have completed my analysis.â
âOf course you have.â Your tone is dry as you stare at him. A strand of silver hair falls into those vacant eyes as he looks back at you. âWell, Dad, letâs hear what youâve concluded.â You huff lightly. Maybe heâll stop being weird nowâŚat least less weird.
He steps toward youâno sound of footsteps, no rustle of clothing, nothing. Itâs like he has no presence at all. It felt normal until the last couple of weeks. A lot of things had felt normal.
They arenât.
Your nose scrunches slightly as he sits to your left without a sound. Even gods make noise.Â
âI have been analyzing both.â His voice remains steady. âIt is perplexing that deities possess emotions, since they are meant to be superior beings. Emotions diminish that distinction from humans.â
You stare at him, your mouth parting slightly. âI⌠guess?â you mumble, struggling to respond to the sudden observation.
âOne is content with the present; he has not given thought to a future beyond even a month from now. However, I am aware that he wants a future with you.â He flips a page. âThe other is already considering decades, possibly centuries ahead. Not only does he want it, but heâs planning for it to some extent.â
Now youâre even more confused. âWhat? Dad, youâre ramblingââ
âA simple human affects two gods in such a significant way.â His gaze remains fixed on the page. âI find thatâŚinteresting.â A brief pause. âHowever, this is not the first occurrence, nor will it be the last.â His eyes lift to yours. âThe involvement of Buddha is what makes this perplexing.â Another pause. âDo you know what you have to offer the enlightened god?â
âHeyââ
âI know.â
What? This conversation is getting more confusing with every sentence.
âDo you want to know more about your connection with Shiva?â His voice remains even. âUnderstand your present self?â
âOf course I do!â
âOr would you rather learn about your history?â he continues. âYour mother. The beginning of all of this.â
âUhhâŚwhat?â You struggle to find the right words. âWhat do you mean by all of this? All of what?â Oh my god, what is happening?
âI have studied love for millennia.â A book appears in his hand. âI do not understand the emotion; however, I have observed it enough to recognize it.â He lifts the book, the back cover facing you. âWhich one are you in love with? It is a deeper emotion, one required of a partner.â
âDad, I donât understandâŚâ
âIt is a simple question.â
Both Shiva and Buddha flash through your mind. In love? You love them both. You canât say youâre in love with one over the otherâŚright? Itâs too soon. Right? âNo. Iâm not in love with anyone. I care for both of themâI love both of themââ
âYes, but you are only in love with one.â His voice remains even. âBecause both are in love with you, it would be difficult for you to admit which one you truly love. You do not want to hurt the other.â His eyes burn into yours. âIt is understandable.â
âDadââ You freeze as he flashes into your mind. Your fist tightens in your lap, and your mouth suddenly feels like itâs full of cotton.
He turns the book. The front cover has his name.
âI will always know you better than anyone else, including yourself,â he statesâno emotion, just fact.
He holds it out. With shaking hands, you take it, staring down at the name.
âBut what aboutââ
âI will eliminate him.â
Your head snaps up, eyes wide. âWaitâwhat? Noââ
A cool thumb presses against your forehead.
Vaeris catches you as you fall forward into him.
 âYes.â
YeahâŚthis felt like a good place to stop đ
From here, it splits into two routesâShiva and Buddha. Iâm putting them into separate stories because otherwise itâd be a mess.
They both continue from here, but theyâre not going to have the same answers, so if youâre curiousâŚyou might want both.
Tbh, I was originally aiming for 40 chapters, but I didnât want to give away too much since a lot of what comes next is tied to their individual routes. If I kept going, it wouldâve started pushing into those way too early.
Finallyâmostly better! At least to how I normally am.Â
TW: seizures, illness, vomiting
After seizures, when I lose awareness, I also lose my appetite. But the problem is I need to eat with my medication. I didnât eat enough and got really, really sick. I couldnât even roll over without being in pain, and itâs a weird, fuzzy, uncomfortable feeling as I tried to move just a little. Itâs like I freeze, and my whole body feels fuzzy? Itâs extremely uncomfortable. I donât know how to explain it.
Anyway, that happened during the day, after I took my medicine the day after the seizure. Then it happened again at night. Except at night, I felt worse, threw up, and couldnât even stand to rinse off or lift my head to drink water. I thought maybe if I took the medicine and fell asleep right after, I could sleep through the uncomfortable feelings. Clearly, it didnât work, smh.Â
But I ate dinner last night and didnât get sick after taking my medicine, so I should be good.Â
I had another seizure last night where I lost awareness. đ Iâll need to reread the last few chapters of Heavenâs Favorite Sin. Hopefully, it wonât affect my writing too much. My sense of taste has changed. đŠ The cauliflower from lunch tasted, and the texture feltâŚoff, and my espresso frappe was disgustingly too sweet.Â
Also, like the last (2?) times since Iâve been writing this fic, my memory is fucked. đ¤
So, sorry if the next chapter seems off.Â
*It's my own fault. My doctor had to increase my medication dose, and if I don't eat enough while taking it, I get really sick. I can't see straight, feel extremely nauseous, and sometimes I can't even walk. I had to be on a train for 12 hours within 24 hours of each other. I was worried about taking my medicine and getting sick from not eating enough on the train. It happened once before, a few months ago, when I was in a car on the way to the train station. I threw up in the car. My husband and a staff member had to support me while walking to the train because I couldn't stand up straight. Honestly, I'm surprised they let me on the train. My husband told them I was car sick. I took my medication at night but not in the morning on Wednesday and Thursday. đŠ*
An early morning visit, a lot of questions, and no clear answers. You want answers, Shiva has his own priorities, and Buddha is seeking answers to questions that you don't even know you need.
Finally finished this chapter. I've been sick off and on. đ But I hope you enjoy it!
âNo." Shivaâs eyes burn into yours, with something sharp and unyielding behind them. It twists something uncomfortable in your gut. âThere is no reason to speak to him, ______.â
His upper arms rest along the back of the sofa as he leans back, his gaze fixed on you, sitting to his right, knees brushing his thigh as you face him.
You glance away, but his hand catches your jaw before you can fully turn, forcing your gaze back to him.
âWhat is the point?â he continues, voice flat. âHeâs a liar.â
âOkay, but arenât you curious?â you push, gently prying his hand away this time. âThink about itâwhat if he really is from outside of Samsara?â
Shiva huffs through his nose, annoyance flickering on his face. âI couldnât care less about him.â
âPlease, Shiva?â you soften, leaning closer with a coaxing tone in your voice. "Just humor me. I careâand I donât even know what questions to ask.â You hesitate briefly, then add quietly, âYou do.â
His gaze hardens. âPick up a book,â he huffs, crossing his upper arms. âFigure out your own questions to ask.â
You open your mouth to reply, but he suddenly straightens, something shifting in his expression.
A brief pause. âTomorrow morning,â he says instead. âThereâs no meeting.â His eyes flick to yours. âTell him to come tomorrow morning. Iâll ask him myself.â
âReally?â
âYes.â
You grin, a little too quickly, relief slipping through before you can stop it. He actually agreed. You decide to suppress a feeling that something seems off about him agreeing so easily. âThatâs greatâwait.â You blink. âHow do I find him?â
Shiva exhales and shakes his head. âYou idiot.â
---------------
âItâs too early for this.â Shiva glares back at the empty eyes staring into his. âCome back in two hours.â
You watch from the bed as Shiva shuts the door in your fatherâs face.
âShiva!â
âItâs six in the morning,â Shiva growls as you stumble out of bed and head for the door before your father can leave.
When you open it, you almost flinch. Itâs like a jump scareâheâs standing so close, with empty amethyst eyes staring directly into yours. You resist the urge to slam the door in his face too. Instead, you lift your hand and gently push him back a step. âHi, Dad. I know I said come in the morning, butâŚShivaâs right. Itâs six.â You sigh. âI know itâs been two years, but with all your note-taking, you should know I like to sleep in.â You try to bite back the irritation in your tone.
âI have seen you meet Buddha multiple times at this hour,â he replies evenly. âI assumed it was acceptable.â
You can feel Shivaâs eyes burning into the back of your headâall five of them. Of course, your father has to speak at a perfectly normal volume. Clearly audible for Shiva to catch. Maybe you should teach him how to speak under his breath. It would save you a lot of trouble when heâs around. âDad, please.â
Vaeris nods. âI apologize.â He glances between you and Shiva. âWould you like me to return later?â
âYesââ
âNoââ
You turn to face Shiva, who still looks annoyed. âI mean, weâre already up, soâŚâ
Shiva glares. âYouâre not even dressed.â
Vaerisâs gaze drops to your state of dressâthe oversized t-shirt that falls just above your knees. He opens his mouth.
Without hesitation, you step forward and cover it. âNo, Dad.â You sigh as he nods. âJust wait here a moment.â You nudge him back so you can close the door.
Shiva is still glaring at you.
âIâve been sleeping in a big shirt and underwear like this since I was a kid. Everythingâs covered. Itâs longer than some dresses,â you scoff, opening a drawer and pulling out a pair of comfortable black lounge pants. âI swear, youâre so weird.â
Shivaâs glare doesnât leave you, even as you pull them on.
âYou can go back to sleep after Dad leaves, yeah?â When he doesnât reply, you roll your eyes. âSuch a grumpy old man.â
âGo get the damn door.â
âSee? Grumpy.â
You narrowly dodge the pillow he tosses at your head.
âKeep proving my point, old man,â you mock as you head toward the door, pausing just before you open it. âOkay, but seriouslyâtake a breath and relax. I want answers, and I need you to ask calmly, or my dadâs going to turn this into a million questions about your emotions.â
When you open the door, Vaeris is still standing there, calm as ever, notebook in hand. âCome in, sit down.â You guide him inside, nodding toward the living room.
Shiva is already on the sofa, eyes narrowed at your father as you gesture toward the armchair.
âDo you want something to eatââ
âStop playing house,â Shiva cuts in. âGet your answers so he can leave.â
Vaeris notes something before sitting in the chair, watching you join Shiva on the sofa. Shiva is irritatedâhe notes, even with you. He has yet to observe Buddha direct irritation toward you. Negative responses have been observedâcold, occasionally threateningâbut always directed elsewhere. In contrast, Shivaâs irritation and anger are sometimes aimed at you.
You sit to Shivaâs left, running a hand through his hair as you lean in, whispering in his ear. âCalm down. Youâre too tense. I told you, if you show too much emotion, heâll only focus on that.â
Shiva snorts. âLike how heâs focusing on you touching me?â
âExactly.â
With one of his lower hands, he pinches your side before turning his attention to your father.
â______ wants me to ask you questions. She wants answers about outside Samsaraâbut I couldnât care less about them.â His gaze hardens. âI want to know why you shoved a terrified human into my arms two years ago and walked away.â
âWaitââ
A warm hand covers your mouth, silencing you.
âYou left a human in Valhalla who didnât know where she was, didnât know there were godsâand you left her with me.â Shiva glares. âYou left a terrified human with a godââ
âIf you were unhappy, you could have left when she passed out. Another god would have come across her eventually.â
Shivaâs glare sharpens. âAnd that could have ended horribly.â
You pull Shivaâs hand away as soon as his grip loosens. âWait, Shivaââ
âYes,â Vaeris says, looking at him. âThat is why I chose you. The chance of it ending badly was low.â
âWhy did you do it?â
âThat is not relevant. ______ wants to know about Samsaraââ
âI donât care about that,â Shiva interrupts, irritation evident. âI care that youâre back here after traumatizing your daughter. Any other god could have hurt her after what you did.â His jaw tightens. âThat painââ
âShiva.â You dig your nails into his arm.
His mouth snaps shut, and he shoots you a sharp look from the corner of his eye. Vaerisâs gaze shifts immediately between the two of you. âPain?â
He doesnât know about the pain? You donât answer.
Shiva exhales through his nose, shoulders tense before he forces them to relax. âA week,â he says flatly. âShe stayed with me for a week before I returned her.â
It had been frustrating for him. Terrifying for you. You adapted to him quickly, but everything else hadnât been so simpleâplants and animals youâd never seen before, a place that didnât feel real or safe.
Vaeris watches. âOnce you returned her home, you did not leave. Why?â He tilts his head slightly. âMy notes indicate continued irritation and apparent dislike. Your behavior did not align with that.â
âAnswer my question or leave.â
Vaeris pauses.
His gaze shifts between you and Shiva, this time more deliberatelyâcalmly.
âI have been gathering information on you and Buddha.â Vaeris stands. âMy initial assessment of you was incorrect. You and Buddha will both present complicationsâthough in different ways.â
âComplications regarding what?â Shiva scoffs.
âMy role in ______âs life.â
âWhich is?â
âI am her father.â
Shivaâs irritation twists into annoyance. You lean over, resting your head on his upper arm, a quiet snort slipping out. âWhat did you expect him to say?â
His jaw tightens. âOut.â
Vaeris leaves without protest. When the door closes behind him, you give a weak slap to Shivaâs chest. âNot the questions I wanted to ask.â
âI was going to ask them after he answered the important ones.â
----------------------------------
One month into observation, ______âs vocalizations have started to vary. Changes in pitch and duration indicate specific needs such as hunger, fatigue, or discomfort. Reactions have been adjusted accordingly, leading to improved response times.
The neighbor, an elderly female, has approached on multiple occasions. She asserts that I am âholding her incorrectly" and suggests that my tone should be softer, noting that infants respond positively to their parentsâ voices. While she is correct, ______ has exhibited no discomfort in response to my voice and calms when I speak to her during periods of distress.
Buddha raises an eyebrow as he reads the notebook. The writing style is similar to what Buddha expected, yet different at the same time. Vaeris using your name. Mentioning you seem comforted by his voice, even if that's not exactly how he phrased it.Â
Scanning a few more pages, there isnât much difference. He reaches for another book.
______ experiences disappointment when peers do not acknowledge her. Despite efforts to initiate social contact, she is frequently ignored or overlooked. Adjustments will be made before the start of primary school.
Buddha stares at the text, a slight frown forming. âAdjustments?â
Vaeris had already told himâpeople didnât notice you, and those who did rarely remembered you for long. So why note it as something to fixâŚand then not fix it?
Youâd told him yourself that Shiva was your first friend.
If Vaeris had been planning to make adjustments, what changed?
It doesnât take long for Buddha to come across the answer. Itâs halfway through the notebook, he finds it.
Even as children, humans have exhibited cruelty. ______ shows discomfort around the children in her class. She declined to elaborate. I observed her directly.
I erased those interactions from her memory, as such memories are unnecessary. The adjustment ensures her presence is detectable but not acknowledged by others.
Buddha shakes his head. Vaeris hadnât given it much timeâbased on the date, you had only just started school. He flips a few more pages, his eye widens at one entry. He hadnât known what to expect from Vaerisâs parenting, but this definitely didnât cross his mind.Â
______ requested that I participate in imaginative play with dolls. Such activities are known to support development. She shows a consistent preference for fatherâdaughter roles in these scenarios.
Research suggests children often create parent figures to compensate for absence. I questioned ______. She showed no interest in changing the roles. No negative emotional response. Confusion appeared to be directed at my questioning.
A grin spreads across Buddhaâs face as he reads the entry. âHe played dolls with her.â He laughs softly, wishing he could have seen it.
Flipping through a few more pages, he pauses at one where a small card is tucked between themâclearly something made in primary school. A Motherâs Day card.
Today is Motherâs Day. ______ returned from school with a pink card. No signs of disappointment or inquiry regarding her mother.
The teacher approached me, apologizing. She stated she had told ______ she could write âHappy Fatherâs Dayâ instead. ______ informed her that I am like both her father and mother, and that I wouldn't mind, as long as she also gives me a Fatherâs Day card.
Humans place excessive importance on these holidays.Â
Buddha picks up the Motherâs Day card, studying your handwriting and the dramatic 'I LOVE YOU' with poorly drawn hearts and glitter glue flowers. He carefully places the card back where Vaeris has kept it and picks up another book.
______ questioned whether I was happy today. She received an award for a science project completed over the past two weeks. I asked why she would ask that. She replied, âYour expressions arenât convincing.â I informed her I would adjust my expressions.
Buddhaâs gaze lingers as he checks the dateâyou were eleven.
A faint smile tugs at his lips. âHe didnât tell you he doesnât feel happiness.â
______ informed me this morning that today is my birthday. I am uncertain how she acquired this information. When she was younger, I told her I did not have a birthdate. She accepted this at the time. I assume she may have obtained it from legal documents.
She baked a cake. It was iced and decorated, then dropped on the floor. She cried, despite repeated reassurance that I was not bothered.
Trying to offer a replacement didn't work. The issue was fixed by baking another cake with my help.
Buddhaâs thumb rests against the pageâthe date shows you're thirteen. A small smile pulls at his lips.
âAweâŚwhy didnât my honeybee share her teenage years with me? She was sweet.â He hums softly, gaze drifting over the pages before settling on the book still damp from the fountain, even though it's the next morning. âWellâŚthis is only thirteen.â
He carefully picks it up, not wanting to tear the pages as he opens it. âSixteen.â
______ has exhibited increased agitation lately. Reactions to small stimuli seem intensified.
She has placed multiple posters of musical artists to her walls. This behavior is new; she has not exhibited such item display Previously. I inquired about the purpose. She hesitated, then diverted her gazeâindicating potential embarrassment. When further questioned, she ordered me to leave.
Buddha covers his face, a quiet laugh slipping out. âHe really is clueless.â
The neighbor (female, elderly) approached ______ this afternoon. She indicated that ______ requires a maternal figure and proposed her daughter-in-law as a suitable candidate, despite her not having children.
______ looked at me. She appeared bothered but did not respond.
Upon returning to the apartment, she took a pillow from the sofa and struck me with it.
âDad, I donât like her. Itâs annoying when she talks about a mom. I donât understand why sheâs so focused on me. Every time she sees me with you, she acts like Iâm asking for one or something. Itâs weird.â
I asked if she requires a mother.
______ stared at me, then frowned in confusion and asked. âFor what?â
Buddhaâs fingers tap lightly against the page. âHe remembers conversations word for wordâŚâ
Human females exhibit atypical behaviors regarding menstrual products. The neighbor raised her voice when I displayed them publicly, stating that it is embarrassing for young women.
She attempted to make physical contact with ______ and utilized the situation to emphasize the importance of a maternal figure.
______ informed her that she was the only one causing her discomfort. She then pushed me into the apartment and closed the door.
Buddha carefully flips through a few more pages, eye scanning each entry carefully. âThey movedâwait.â His eye widens.
An anomaly has approached ______âor attempted to. His presence causes visible discomfort. She appears uncertain how to respond to being fully acknowledged.
Based on research of adolescent humans, his behavior is consistent with romantic interest.
â______ said she didnât have friends before Shiva.â Buddha flips through the pagesâshort passages detailing the strangerâs growing interest. Questions about you. Learning your preferences. Attempts at physical contact.
Following interaction, ______ exhibited delayed behavioral response.
She later approached and reported that the human had requested her presence at a cinema. I inquired whether she wished to attend. She exhibited hesitation and could not offer a definitive response.
The human has become overly familiar with ______. Continued interaction offers no additional benefit. The unnecessary anomaly has been eliminated.Â
Buddhaâs gaze lingers on the line longer than the others. He checks the date againâjust to be sure. This was right before you met Shiva. Buddhaâs brows knit slightly. âHe erased a human for getting too closeâŚbut had no problem handing you over to the God of Destruction?â
---------------
âSoooâŚstill mad at me?â
He gives you a blank, unblinking stare, and you canât help but laugh. âYou look like Dad.â The blank stare slowly shiftsâinto a glare.
âOh, come on. Arenât you curious?â
âOf course I am,â he says flatly. âIâm curious why he shoved a terrified human into my arms while acting like one himself.â
You tap your knees lightly, fingers drumming for a moment before you nod. âOkay, I guess thatâs fair.â
Shiva doesnât react right away. He simply stares at you, all five eyes fixed, sharp enough to make your chest tighten. â_____, in case youâve forgotten, I didnât like you when we first met.â One of his lower hands lifts, fingers gently closing around your jawânot rough, but firm enough that you donât try to pull away. âI almost killed you.â
Your breath catches. You swallow, slightly nodding against his grip. âYeah⌠but you didnât.â You pull his hand away from your jaw. âIt all worked out in the end.â You shrug. âThough, honestly, with that pain, death wouldâve been welcome at the time. It really hurt.â
Shivaâs expression remains unchanged. âYeah, I know,â he says flatly. âLike I said, I almost killed you because of it.â
âIt wasnât my fault.â
âI never said it was,â he replies, unimpressed. âJust that I almost killed you because of it.â
When you try to speak again, his hand shoots up, covering your mouth. âDid you forget I said we arenât talking about this?â
You pull his hand away, glaring. âYou brought it up this time.â
âNo,â he says, voice edged now. âI brought up your father abandoning his terrified daughter.â
âYeah, but after thatââ
âIs what we are not talking about.â His eyes narrow. âDonât make me gag you.â
âYeah, yeah.â You wave him off before relaxing back against the sofa. âYou know, when I get homeâto Earth, in my apartmentâbecause you guys are gonna lose, weâre gonna talk about it.â
Shiva rolls his eyes. âYou mean when I take you home? To my home.â
âYou donât even have a house. Itâs just mountains or something.â You shake your head, thinking back to everything he told youâand everything you looked up after you first met him. âA bunch of meditating in the middle of freezing nowhere, right? Even if I could survive there, I wouldnât want to.â
Shiva nods. âI know how spoiled you are.â
âHah?!â
âCozy apartment with heating and cooling.â He shrugs. âPrivacyââ
âNot with you around.â
ââsafety, Netflix, soft bed, access to almost anything your heart desires.â He gives you a look. âSpoiled. Which is why you could never reach enlightenment.â A pause. âEven if Buddha tried.â
Huffing, you slap his chest. âWhat does enlightenment have to do with it? Anyway, fineâyouâre right. I am spoiled compared to your style of living,â you admit with a sigh.
Shiva snorts, pulling you closer. âObviously I wouldnât make you do a one-eighty overnight.â His lips catch yours, and warmth spreads through you. âYouâll have a warm home, a soft bed. Not exactly Netflix, but Iâll get you something.â
He pulls back slightly, all five eyes open as he murmurs something in his native tongue.
âWhat?â
He shrugs. âLearn my language.â
Thank you for all the comments, likes, and reblogs. I appericate you guys so much. Always great motivation. The ending for this fic is coming soon. Which means each route will start soon. I am curious if anyone is interested in reading both or only plans to read one route. đ
Vaeris lingers off to the side, his presence erased from notice, violet eyes fixed on Buddha.
The godâs gaze is fixed on you. Youâre sitting on the edge of a fountain, flipping through the notebooks Vaeris had given you when you asked. There is no information in them that matches what you are looking for; however, you never told him exactly what you were looking for. Then again, you donât truly know yourself.
Vaerisâs eyes drift to the open notebook in his hand. Symbols from a forgotten language cover the pagesâthese are the kinds of notebooks that hold answers, even the ones you arenât ready to face, written in a language neither you nor Buddha understands.
The current page holds comparisons between Buddha and Shiva. Initially, Shiva had been the better candidate. The only candidate. His history with you, his instincts, and the way he protected you without hesitationâall of it made the outcome predictable.
Vaeris had been prepared to finalize that conclusion.
Now, thereâs another variable that Vaeris hadnât anticipated.
His gaze lifts again, settling on Buddha in the distance. Vaeris still doesnât understand how Buddha noticed you. More importantly, how he remembered you.
Only those he permitted were meant to remember you. Shiva was supposed to be the only one.
Buddhaâs eye doesnât leave you.
Humansâand even godsâclaim that love conquers all. But Buddha did not fall in love with you at first sight, so that explanation doesn't hold. Vaeris has reviewed everything he can find. Emotion is the most logical reason Buddha remembers you, but it cannot be love. Â
âLove is an odd emotion. I fail to see its purpose.â
Vaeris studies the page in his notebook a moment longer before closing it. Observation alone has yielded insufficient answers. Even if it wasnât love at first sight, Buddhaâs attachment to you developed much faster than Shiva's.Â
Buddha glances at Vaeris as he approaches, though his eye never fully leaves you. âWhat do you want?â
âI am continuing my evaluation of you and Shiva to determine which of you will make the better spouse for ______.â
âIs that so?â Buddha replies, his tone dry. His gaze flicks briefly toward Vaeris before returning to you as you toss one notebook aside and reach for another.
Vaeris observes you for a moment, noticing how Buddhaâs attention shifts back to you without hesitation.
âYou should not remember her,â Vaeris says plainly.
Buddhaâs eye finally fixes on him. âAnd?â
âOnly those I allow are meant to remember her,â Vaeris continues. âShiva was the intended variable.â
Buddhaâs expression tightens slightly.
Vaeris tilts his head, examining him. âYet you noticed her immediately.â
Buddha doesnât answer.
âShivaâs attachment formed gradually,â Vaeris continues. âInitial irritation. Reluctant assistance. Familiarity. Then attachment.â He flips through the notebook, scanning his previous notes. âYour attachment developed much faster. Within a week, you had already fallen in love with her.â
Buddha blows a small bubble with his gum and pops it. âYup.â
Vaeris studies him. âExplain why.â
Buddha pops another bubble with his gum. âIn over two thousand years, Iâve never looked someone in the eye and seen eternity with them.â
Vaeris pauses, jotting a quick note in the margin of his notebook. âUntil now?â
âUntil now.â Buddha shrugs. âIn case youâve forgotten, Dad, I already gave you my ten-year plan. Pretty sure you wrote it down.â
Vaeris taps the pen on the notebook. âYour plan assumes she will choose you.â
Buddha shrugs. âYeah. Thatâs the part Iâm working on.â
âYou do not seem as angry with me today. Or have I misunderstood?â
Buddha pops his gum. âYesterday, _____ told me she loves you.â He glances at Vaeris.
A few days earlier, you had wondered aloud whether Vaeris would fake emotions around your children until they grew up. Buddha had noticed that detail immediately. People didnât imagine someone in that position unless they expected them to stay in their lives.
A big grin spreads across Buddhaâs face. He suddenly pulls Vaeris into a hug. âWellâŚthat means Iâll have to deal with you.â
Vaeris doesn't return the hug. His arms stay at his sides, pen still in hand as Buddha keeps him there.
Thatâs when you notice them.
What is he doing to my dad? You stare in disbelief as Buddha hugs your father.
âBuddha, youâre going to traumatize my dad.â Â
âI do not feel trauma.â
You close the notebook in your lap as you watch Buddha pull away, grinning brightly at you. âHey, sunshine.â
Vaeris steps slightly to the side as Buddha releases him, noting something else. You watch the two of them carefully. âWhat are you doing?â
Your father glances between you and Buddha. âI am still determining who the better candidate is as your future spouse, so I was observing Buddha. I believe I have gathered sufficient information regarding Shiva.â
Your stomach twists, your mouth goes dry, and your eyes widen as you stare at your father. Heat floods your face as his words fully sink in. Itâs awkward enough when he says things like that to you, but saying it in front of Buddha? You could crawl into a hole and disappear.
âDad.â You stare at him, defeated. âI told you nobody is courting me.â
Buddha snorts, clearly enjoying your reaction. âYouâre wrong, but sure.â
You drag a hand down your face. âShut up. No, Iâm not.â
Your father tilts his head slightly, studying you. âI fail to see the issue.â
âThatâs because you donât feel embarrassment,â you mutter.
âCorrect.â
Buddha laughs under his breath.
You shoot him a look. âYouâre not helping.â
âIâm not trying to,â he says easily.
Your father taps his pen lightly against the notebook heâs holding. âYour reaction indicates discomfort. Is the evaluation process unacceptable?â
You stare at him. âYes, so stop.â
Your father considers that for a moment. âWhy?â
Buddhaâs shoulders shake as he triesâand failsânot to laugh. He leans back and lets out a loud, theatrical laugh. When he looks up and sees you and your father staring at him with the same blank expression, he laughs even harder.
âSiddhartha!â
Vaeris blinks once. âInteresting. You call him by his birth name.â
Buddha shrugs, extending his hands. âWhat can I say? I like it when she says my name.â
Heat rushes to your face, and you quickly cover it, complaining about the two men in front of you under your breath.
Vaeris opens his notebook. Your reaction to Buddhaâs teasing differs from how you react when Shiva teases you. Which behavior indicates romantic love?
Seeing your reaction, Buddha grins and walks over to the fountain, dropping down beside you on the edge.
Your fingers curl on the edge of the cool fountain. âYouâre being weird,â you mutter quietly, careful not to let your father hear. âWhat happened?â
Buddhaâs grin fades slightly. He turns so his back faces your father, blocking Vaerisâs view of your face. He shoulder shifts just enough to block your fatherâs line of sight, the movement subtleâbut deliberate. âHe was watching me.â He pulls a lollipop from his pocket and puts it in his mouth, the candy softly clicking against his teeth.
âThatâs all Dad does,â you say under your breath. âWatch and study people.â You tilt slightly, looking at your father over Buddhaâs shoulder. âIf Dad understood emotions better, heâd realize that wasnât friendly.â Youâve seen that grin Buddha gave your father beforeâthe one with a threat hidden underneath.
You huff. âI wish Dad would drop it, but I donât think he will. Itâs weird. Heâs never focused on anything like this before.â
âAre you sure?â Buddha asks.
âYeah.â
âHm.â
âWhat?â
Buddha leans in close, lips nearly grazing your ear. "You know," he whispers, voice low enough that only you can hear, "I am courting you, sunshine. Thought that was obvious by now."
Without thinking, you slap his thigh. âOh my god, be quiet. Youâre making it worseâlook, heâs even taking notes about this. Why me?â
You groan and rub your palm, shooting Buddha a glare. "Seriously? What are you guys made of? Stone?"
Buddha's eye widens slightly, his lollipop pausing mid-rotation.
"Interesting reaction," your father cuts in before either of you can speak. He flips to a fresh page, pen already moving. "Buddha appears surprised by physical contact that Shiva regularly tolerates without incident. This suggests a significant gap in familiarity..."
âDad, please. Shut up.â You huff before your eyes widen as what he said sinks it.
You quickly pull your hand back as if youâve just touched something hot, staring at Buddha in sudden horror.
Because casually smacking Shiva is fine. Normal. Hits, bites, teasing insults.
But this is Buddha.
The Enlightened One.
You canâtâ
As your thoughts begin to spiral, Buddha chuckles and casually pulls you closer to him.
âDidnât I tell you,â he says lightly, âyou can do whatever you want to me? That includes that.â He glances down at his thigh before looking back at you with a grin. âThough I hope you donât slap when youâre actually angry.â
He hums thoughtfully. âOr anything like that.â
âNo! Never,â you blurt. âI meanâunless there was a legitimate reason, but Iâd hope that would never happen with you.â You grimace. âIf the Buddha did something bad enough that Iâd want to slap youâŚâ
You pause, then shake your head.
âWhy are we even having this conversation?â
âBecause you hit me.â
âIâm sorry.â
Your father observes the interaction for a moment before crossing out what he had written. âI believed you were becoming as comfortable with Buddha as you are with Shiva,â he says calmly. âIt appears that conclusion was incorrect.â He writes something else beneath it without hesitation.
An odd expression flickers across Buddhaâs face. It disappears before you can fully grasp itâapart from the fact that he obviously isnât pleased. A second later, he smiles at you again, as if it was never there. His fingers lace through yours, squeezing just a little too firmly.
Why me?
You stare between the two of them. Your fatherâs conclusion makes perfect senseâif you look at it the way he does, without emotions involved.
Irritation spikes in your chest. You want to snap at him, throw one of the notebooks at his head, call him an idiot. Heâs wrong.
But then what?
You tighten your grip on Buddhaâs hand as a tight knot forms in your chest. Your father is wrong, completely wrong. You feel comfortable with Buddha. His teasing makes you shy and embarrassedâbut not uncomfortable. Never uncomfortable. If anything, he makes you feel safe in a way youâve never experienced before.
Your gaze flicks back to your father. Say it. Just say it.
You donât.
Your face burns just thinking about it. Buddha already knows. Heâs not an idiot. But saying it out loudâhere, in front of your dad?
No.
âDad, go away.â
âMy research is incomplete.â
You stare at him for a moment before taking a slow breath. âGoodbye, Dad.â
Vaeris nods slightly, noting your irritation. âI see. My initial assessment was correct.â He taps the newest entry in his notebook with his pen. âThis one is wrong."
He draws a line through the note. âI will amend the record. I apologize.â
You groan and drop your head onto Buddhaâs shoulder. His arms open immediately, wrapping around you as you exhale in frustration. âIâm sorry,â you whisper. Growing up, you never had to deal with anything like this with your dadâor anyone, for that matter.
âItâs fine, Dad. Please leave.â
âWhy are you lying?â
You lift your head slightly. âI am not lying. Itâs fine. I meanâI want to crawl into a hole for the next year and be away from everythingâbut itâs fine.â
âDo you wish to be with Shiva right now?â Vaeris asks, staring blankly at you, pen poised above the page. âHumans tend to prefer the support of someone they care about in situations like this.â
Buddhaâs arms tighten around you.
âNo. Iâm fine here. The only thing I wish is that youâd leave.â
Vaeris takes another note before accepting your request and leaving the garden.
âAre you okay?â Buddha asks softly, gently scratching your scalp as he examines your face. Concern fills his eye.
âMore annoyed than anythingâslightly embarrassedâandââ you sigh. âNo, Iâm not okay. Iâm angry. The fact that Dad doesnât understand emotions just makes it even more frustrating.â
You huff softly. âEven if I screamed at him, heâd just stare at me blankly and take notes. Hell, I could be sitting there sobbing and heâd probably just take notes.â
Buddha lifts your head and kisses you softly.
âImagining someone raising a child without emotionsâŚitâs difficult.â He studies your face for a moment before pressing another kiss to your cheek. âBut even without emotions, he still raised you to be the amazing person you are. I know he doesnât understand. I know itâs frustrating.â His thumb brushes gently across your cheek. âYou donât have to keep all that inside, ______. Youâve got me.â
He grins. âYou know, itâs pretty impressive, honeybee. Someone with no emotions raising someone like you.â His thumb lazily brushes against your arm. âAnd you said you didnât even have friends before Shiva showed up, right?â He chuckles softly. âHonestlyâŚthat makes it even more impressive.â
You blink up at him. âWhat do you mean?â
Buddha shrugs slightly, his fingers still lazily scratching your scalp. âMost people learn how to handle emotions from the people around them.â His eye flicks briefly toward the path your father disappeared down before returning to you. âYou didnât have that. No friends growing up. No one around you who really understood emotions.â
âI guess that makes sense, though. Iâve spent the last two years with Shiva in my life. So, maybeââ
âNo.â
âNo?â
Buddha shakes his head slightly. âShiva didnât teach you how to care for people, honeybee. You already knew how.â His thumb gently brushes your arm as he continues. âTwo years isnât enough time to build something like that from nothing.â He lifts your hand and softly kisses the back of it. âYouâre incredible.â
You freeze, unsure how to reply. Heat flushes your face as his warm blue eye examines you, the lily pattern softly reflecting in the light.
You glance away, embarrassed. âI donâtâI meanâŚthanks?â
Buddha chuckles. âYouâre welcome, honeybee.â
âWhy am I not used to your flirting like this?â your face burns as you cover it. âUhâDad gave me these.â You shake your head, trying to clear your mind before grabbing the closest notebook.
Buddha chuckles. âIâm not just flirting, honeybee. But alrightâIâll save the rest for when weâre alone.â He grins as he picks up one of the notebooks.
You quickly glance around. âArenât we alone now?â
Buddha raises a brow. âI canât sense his presence, but I find it hard to believe he isnât still watching us somehow.â He grins. âBut if youâd like, I can continue.â
He flips the book open, and his eye widens slightly. âOh?â
You stare at him, confused by the shift in his expression. âWhat?â
âThese are notes about you when you were fifteenââ
âNope.â You snatch it from him before he can finish, shove another notebook into his hands, and toss the first one into the fountain.
Buddha watches the notebook sink in the fountain. âThat looked important.â
âIt wasnât.â You flip through one more notebook before groaning and gathering the rest into your lap. âI wonder if Dad has ever taken notes on what he is.â
Buddha hums softly. âProbably not. He understands himself, so he wouldnât need to.â He glances down at the notebooks. âThere should be notes about you, though. About whether or not youâre human. Yourââ
âI am human,â you quickly interrupt. âIâve aged normally. I donât have any powers. Thereâs nothing special about meâthe fact that you and Shiva can notice me when no one else can doesnât count.â
You shrug. âThatâs just some weird god thing.â
Buddhaâs gaze lingers on you for a moment. âAnd the flickering?â
âUhâŚI donât know.â You look away.
His hand rises, softly gripping your jaw as he turns your face back toward him.
He slowly pulls the lollipop from his lips before leaning down and kissing you again.
This one is slower than beforeâmore relaxed. His lips are warm and soft against yours, with the faint sweetness of the lollipop lingering in the kiss.
When he pulls back, his teeth briefly nip your lower lip in a playful tease before he straightens and slips the lollipop back into his mouth as if nothing happened.
You sit there for a moment before your tongue glides over your lips, catching the sticky sweetness he left behind.
âYour best friend is here,â Buddha comments casually as he grabs another notebook and flips it open. This one is dated from when you were a toddler. He raises a brow slightly, interest flickering in his eye as he scans the page. These notebooks hold Vaerisâs thoughtsâhis observations, his planning, the people around him. Buddhaâs gaze lingers a moment longer.
How did an emotionless being raise a child? You told him Vaeris faked emotions until you were a preteen.
Then how did you grow up like thisâable to feel, to reactâwithout being emotionally stunted from the beginning?
âHey, honeybee, can I have these?â he asks, holding up a handful of books, all dated from before you were ten.
You quickly glance at the notebooks in his hand, noting the dates before nodding. You have no idea what your dad wrote about you during your teen years, but you donât want Buddhaâor anyoneâseeing them. At least, not until youâve gone through them first.
âShiva. What are you doing here?â You drop the book in your hand onto the edge of the fountain before walking toward him.
The four-armed deity gives you an irritated look, which quickly twists into something sharper as his gaze shifts past your shoulder to the god sitting on the fountainâs edge. Buddha grins, lifting a hand in a casual, mocking wave.
âItâs time for lunch,â Shiva scoffs. âSince a certain idiot doesnât know when to feed herselfââ
âI do knowââ
âNo, you donât.â His lower hands rest on his hips as he leans in, narrowing his eyes at you. âYou didnât eat lunch yesterday, and youâve almost skipped today too. Have you even thought about eating?â
You point back toward the notebooks. âOkay, yeahâbut listen, Dad gave me those, and I got curious. I kinda lost track of time. Then he showed up and was⌠wellâbeing Dad.â
You push lightly against Shivaâs chest, creating a bit of space. âYou canât blame Buddha. He hasnât been here that long,â you quietly add, cutting him off before he can direct his frustration toward Buddha like he did yesterday.
âBuddhaâŚI have to go eat lunchâ"
âOf course, honeybee.â Buddha glances at Shiva, his grin sharpening. âWouldnât want to keep your big brother waiting.â
Shiva opens his mouth to respond, but you quickly step on his foot. Does it hurt him? No. But itâs enough to throw him off.
âIâm hungry,â you rush out, not giving him a chance to recover. âHave you ordered anything yet? I want dessert tooâor are you cooking? I think Iâm in the mood for something light.â You keep talking as you push him down the path, forcing his attention onto you and your rambling. âDo you know when the next match is? Itâs ridiculous itâs taking so long. Iâm ready for the humans to beat you guys so I can go home.â
Buddha watches as the god of destructionâs tension gradually eases. Shiva rolls his eyes, pushes your hands away, then grabs your wrist and pulls you back toward his room.
Buddha shakes his head slightly. Once youâre out of sight, he reaches into the fountain, pulling out the notebook you had tried to keep from him, water dripping steadily from its pages.
He turns it over in his hand, a grin tugging at his lips. âSorry, honeybee,â he says lightly. âBut I want to know everything.â
This chapter is a bit lighter than the last few. Vaeris doesnât think those notebooks have any answersâbut that doesnât mean Buddha wonât find something.
Next chapterâŚweâll see what it takes to get Shiva to actually sit down and talk to Vaeris. And whether Vaeris even exists within Samsara at all.
Let me know what you think â¤ď¸
