My struggles with everything

Sw: 222 Cw:165 UGW:Healthy

[nega-spark]

[carldangerous]

This really cool and then I turned the sound on and now I am… unsettled

[geekremix]

u shut ur mouth this was great

[felixves-deactivated20151116]

I do this thing where if i have to go to a family event where I will be expected to be a girl I pretend I am a SPY and I am IN DISGUISE AS A TEEN GIRL and my mission is to EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM MY GRANDPARENTS without giving away my real identity. works every time.

your dress and makeup is now a DISGUISE

your ‘birth name’ is now an ALIAS

getting told by your parents to be nice and not yell at anyone being racist is MISSION BRIEFING

your entire extended family are now FOREIGN DIGNITARIES and you gotta make it thru the evening without being discovered as a RADICAL SPY

carrying a small water pistol and one of those fake-lipstick pens in your purse helps to get in the zone. the best part of being a spy is the nifty gadgets everyone knows that.

BONUS if you have to bring a friend of another gender with you to pretend to be your boyfriend. you are both PARTNER SPIES and one of you has to be the cranky but soft-hearted veteran and the other has to be the endearingly-assholeish rookie. 

[softcore-revolutionary]

Seems like actually a great way to deal with dysphoria

[autistic-answers]

Shout-out to all the spies who are faced with the world’s most difficult missions.

[untitled50247]

This is the best coping strategy I have ever seen.

[untitled50247]

Bringing this back for pride month.

[angry-trans-boy-thoughts]

I think my sexual orientation would have been different if I were cisgender. I currently identify as aromantic asexual, but that’s a tentative label that’s mostly influenced by dysphoria and the resulting sex-repulsion, and also my frequent disassociation as a coping mechanism. To preface, there are obviously people who are aromantic and asexual and don’t have anything factoring into it to make them that way- they just are. Maybe I’m not “really aro/ace” because I’m not naturally so, but these are just my experiences and it helps to have words right now to describe them.

It’s confusing because I can’t picture what it’d be like without dysphoria. If I had a dick and wasn’t dysphoric about that region, would I still have zero sex drive, zero sexual attraction, and a repulsion to sex in general? If I looked the way I wanted to and was seen as a dude, would I still be uncomfortable at the thought of people touching me? And if the people who would potentially date me were to see me as unequivocally male, would I want to kiss them and hug them? Right now kissing people seems disgusting to me. But I’m young and dysphoric and frankly immature, so that may play into that.

I want to have crushes. I want to be normal. I want to gush about the object of my affection to my friends and awkwardly flirt with them and get my heart broken but get back up again. I’m frustrated because I don’t know if I’m missing out, if I would’ve been able to have crushes on people if it weren’t for my dysphoria and disassociation resulting from being trans. This sounds so fucking stupid to even type out. But it’s just something I think a lot about.

[reidspng]

tear it all apart

[coolskeletonmemes]

[emospacekid]

me in bed, thinking about everything my mental illness has taken from me

[dont-offend-the-bees]

when u see a str8 with a life in shambles

[skinny-dreams128]

Saaame

[blushandbourbon]

Sometimes you fall off the wagon for months. Sometimes you tell yourself you’re gonna start fresh on Monday and by Wednesday you’ve already fallen back off. Sometimes you have to restart a 100 times and it’s frustrating. But it will be okay. You can do this. One day at a time

[mothbug-deactivated20200626]

I know I tag everything with “about me” but this is about me

[letsbuddhastatuesfan]

Calming Yoga Poses for Stress Relief

follow back

[cattestfanciest]

When people notice how much time you spend on MM

[anarchetypalarchive]

i was talking to my sister on the phone the other day and she has a tendency to talk for several hundred years so eventually i got hungry and grabbed a rice cake and started to Munch and she goes “what’s that” and i said “i’m eating a rice cake” and she’s like “oh gross you like those?”

and without thinking i said, “they satisfy my urge to eat packing peanuts” and what followed was seven full seconds of silence

like oh okay go ahead and pretend you’ve never wanted to eat a packing peanut you pretentious fool

[edrecoveryprobs]

Someone: *takes my food* You aren't going to eat this right?

(makaylalynnh)

[unaverage-confessions]

Finally facing my issues

expectation:

reality: 

[embracingwild]

The middle of recovery is awful. It does not feel good. There are moments where it will be clear why you are doing this, ones that will take your breath away. But a majority of the time you will question everything, your thoughts will be racing so much that you will feel like you can’t breathe. You will spend countless days wondering why things can’t be quiet, wondering why you are bothering to work so hard when not fighting would be effortless. Recovery does not feel good. If you are looking around you and are ashamed because you are not in love with this process, please, listen to me. Take a deep breath- It’s okay. It’s okay to hate it. It’s okay to say it sucks. It’s okay to want to give up, to struggle immensely, to be angry, to be uncomfortable (you should be!). and it’s okay to not understand why your smile still feels empty when your stomach is full again. Recovery does not feel good. For goodness sake, I hate it!!! Do not mistake my positivity for perfection. I am not walking through this fire gracefully. I burn and fall and become ashes. And every morning I rise and face the flames over and over again.

So please, do not beat yourself up if you are feeling like a failure for not being happy and perfect. Healing is not linear. And you are still brave.

[grandduchessgemini]

It’s the only day to post this so I gotta 

[lokisson214782-deactivated20210]

Adios 2017, you sick FUCK.