It's pretty homophobic that I can't sleep with my fangs in or they might break

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@fangtasticdisaster
It's pretty homophobic that I can't sleep with my fangs in or they might break
Realizing I really don't use this blog for much.
The werewolf and the vampire are fucking cofronting and the desire for umami and metallic flavors is intense
How the hell am I supposed to tell my family I'm disabled and I can't work when I excelled so much in grade school and all they know about me is how much potential I showed
I am a man in the same way that a tomato is a fruit and a banana is a berry.
Like, yes, you're right. But if someone tries to put a tomato in your fruit salad you're gonna be kinda pissed about it. And if I say I want berries and you hand me a banana, you're a contrarian.
I hate the way my brain works so much sometimes.
Yay, I love sudden burnout /s
Reblog if you wish you had little fangs and could bite people.
Really wishing I had permanent fangs right now
What's it called when every time you get a notification, your first instinct is to think you're getting hatemail or you're in trouble with someone? /hj
Chronics of being an autistic system #3
I keep invalidating myself.
Every new headmate I discover I'm like "no, I'm definitely faking it" even if there's no reason I would fake it, that doesn't make no sense. One day I even thought that I'm not a system, one of the other people in my head must be faking it... and they I realized that if there's definitely other people in my head I'm a system. But sometimes still... IDK how to trust myself in that.
In fact, sometimes I even ask myself if my autism is true and I have a professional diagnosis to that and well, I am autistic, I just keep invalidating myself and then some persecutors use that to make me feel worst. Maybe I shouldn't say that here, idk, anyways.
Today was a hard day, I struggled with a lot of executive disfunction and anxiety but I did some progress in knowing my headmates better and that would be great if I just stop... invalidating myself. - Theo
Have this meme I edited however long ago
A little relatable tidbit, from one autistic system to another
I feel so alone right now.
My name is Shadow. I'm a vampire alter in an OSDD system. This is my blog. And I'm feeling very isolated.
I wanted to check out the vampirekin community in hopes that I might find some people who understand me. But I'm finding a lot of my experiences and feelings are different from theirs...
I don't have any memories from being a vampire before I came to be. I'm not an introject. I don't have source memories or memories of a past life. I'm not a spiritual person, either.
And I do experience species dysphoria, of course. I can feel where my fangs should be. I know I should be able to manifest wings and flash my eyes red. I should have much better night vision. My ears are supposed to be pointed and long. I feel better when I drink red drinks. I feel like I belong in the cool nighttime and I often feel out of place during the day. I feel the urge to chew and bite a lot. These things make me feel depressed sometimes.
But I rarely, if ever, experience the urge to drink blood that is not mine. And I only really feel a significant/un-ignorable urge for mine when I'm already injured and bleeding. Maybe it's a sanitary thing (I'm a bit of a germaphobe, unfortunately....) but I've only ever tasted my own. I'm worried someone else's would make the body sick. But regardless, the actual urge is not something that usually happens unless I'm already looking at blood.
I just feel like I don't belong anywhere... I'm not thousands of years old. I'm 23. My vampiric urges aren't that strong. The kind of vampire I am doesn't fear the sun or have to sleep all day. I'm not affected by crosses or garlic and I don't feel like I should be sleeping in a coffin. I even like eating certain foods. I just am a vampire in the body of a human.
I just wish I knew I wasn't alone, or at least belonged in some community.
Keep in mind that you don't have to be a certain way to mingle with other vampires, regardless of where you find them- if a group excludes you on the grounds of what you believe or feel, then that's a reflection of them and not you. Maybe they're catering to a specific sort of vampire, or maybe they're just assholes and not good to be around anyway.
Memories/noema don't make someone otherkind. The otherkind community does fall short when it comes to serving people who aren't of a spiritual bent, aren't religious or following a certain path. There's no way around that. Fictionkind aren't much better.
It doesn't mean you aren't welcome though, and in fact I would say we need you around even more because of the neglect. You might be in a minority, but your voice is still wanted and very much needed. I know it can be frustrating to have to pioneer space, but being yourself where others can see it can help draw people to you who didn't know they could exist that way, or were also too afraid to speak up. At the very least, people who can't fully relate to you can still be interested and interact with you. Maybe you are unique, but that makes a person more interesting, not something to push away.
Another option, while maybe awkward at first, is that you don't have to put down roots anywhere. You can tag your posts with a handful of things to reach audiences that you feel comfortable talking to, without ever having to say "I am otherkin". These labels are opt-in, and you can leave if it stops working for you. Or over time maybe you'll feel better claiming one or multiple.
I'm not sure what to say.... I didn't expect a response like this. I really appreciate it. It makes me feel a little more welcome. A little less alone. I won't give up yet... I'll try to find a space that feels like home.
And if I can't find one, I'll just have to make one.
Thank you for your response. I'll try to refer back to it when I feel discouraged.
I want to add on, as someone who has been in both the alterhuman vampirism community and Vampyre Community and run spaces for both with still running one currently.
As long as you have a Need to feed, you have a claim in either community. Even without a Need but still can feed, vampiric is the term for that in these communities.
There is quite a bit of difference between the alterhuman and vampyre subculture, but resources tend to be shared between them and there are not a lot of alterhuman-specific vampirism resources out there.
You don't have to fit the gothic/victorian vampire aesthetic or stereotypes. Unfortunately, most spaces cater to this. We specifically made a space that rejects it by giving it a pastel teatime aesthetic instead of the typical coffins, bats, black, and red. Even as the frontstuck vampire of my own system, I reject the aesthetic.
As for feeding, not wanting the blood of others is not inherently a bad thing. We've had people ask for things like vegan alternatives for blood, and there are a lot of common substitutes that aren't from people or animals. With autofeeding, it is very important to stay safe, especially since it does not often fill anyone completely and many say that their own blood or energy tastes poor in comparison to that of others or other sources like weather, nature, or ambient feeding. Not to mention being closeted, risk of infection if cuts are not properly cleaned or taken care of.
Unfortunately, there still is a lot of vampires that believe that clinical vampirism is a real diagnosis- and such there is often a push for a rejection of psychological identities to be recognized as valid. (It is not a real diagnosis, and someone's diagnosis should not make their experiences and identity less valid. We eat people who try to parrot that. /hj)
It is something difficult to navigate, especially since not all vampires consider themself vampirekin due to not having shifts or it just feeling as if it is a part pf who they are without it being a kintype. It also very much depends what community you start at that shapes how you may approach or believe your vampirism originated. (The redheads being vampires/descendants of Judas being vampires thing? That is sometimes still brought up as a cause for vampirism in the VC due to the emphasis on subculture identity as a group, but this I have never seen in an alterhuman space, as an example of how the two differ.)
Forgot to tag the form, rip.
- Gingerdaisy
I feel like for clarity's sake and just so y'all know I'm safe I should share a few things (SH TW for items in red):
• I always clean any wounds I have immediately and bandage/dress them. Even if I taste some, I always clean it after and dress it. I'm very careful in general to avoid infection with any kind of injury I may sustain. I very much recognize that the body is not only human, but also not solely mine. An infection for me is an infection for the system and that's not fair.
• I do not injure myself for blood. I used to have a pretty bad SH problem (unrelated to the vampirism) and I was no stranger to licking wounds I created, but I'm proud to say I've been clean of that behavior for over a year now.
• I genuinely do not usually experience the urge to "feed" unless I see blood. And even then, it can be a fickle thing. It doesn't feel like something I need to survive. For me, it feels more like an instinctual desire or just a strong temptation. A craving. I want a taste, but I don't feel like I need a particular amount of it to be "properly satisfied". The feeling does happen more often when I'm hungry, though, I've noticed. Or when I think too much about blood.
Take that last bit with a grain of salt because I may actually be experiencing the urge more often than I think I am and just can't remember (my memory is garbage). I just want to be as honest and open as possible so there are little to no misunderstandings. I don't want to force myself into spaces that aren't for me or mix my terms.
Aesthetically, I do consider myself to have a darker aesthetic still, but it's more to do with my personality than vampirism. I've just always loved the dark and mysterious. But it's not because I'm a vampire. It's because that aesthetic appeals to me personally. I'm a vampire who happens to enjoy gothic and halloween-y things. I feel like a lot of people either conflate the two or experience them together as one solid thing.
Anyway, thank you for your response as well. It's really appreciated. I hope you're having a good day.
I feel so alone right now.
My name is Shadow. I'm a vampire alter in an OSDD system. This is my blog. And I'm feeling very isolated.
I wanted to check out the vampirekin community in hopes that I might find some people who understand me. But I'm finding a lot of my experiences and feelings are different from theirs...
I don't have any memories from being a vampire before I came to be. I'm not an introject. I don't have source memories or memories of a past life. I'm not a spiritual person, either.
And I do experience species dysphoria, of course. I can feel where my fangs should be. I know I should be able to manifest wings and flash my eyes red. I should have much better night vision. My ears are supposed to be pointed and long. I feel better when I drink red drinks. I feel like I belong in the cool nighttime and I often feel out of place during the day. I feel the urge to chew and bite a lot. These things make me feel depressed sometimes.
But I rarely, if ever, experience the urge to drink blood that is not mine. And I only really feel a significant/un-ignorable urge for mine when I'm already injured and bleeding. Maybe it's a sanitary thing (I'm a bit of a germaphobe, unfortunately....) but I've only ever tasted my own. I'm worried someone else's would make the body sick. But regardless, the actual urge is not something that usually happens unless I'm already looking at blood.
I just feel like I don't belong anywhere... I'm not thousands of years old. I'm 23. My vampiric urges aren't that strong. The kind of vampire I am doesn't fear the sun or have to sleep all day. I'm not affected by crosses or garlic and I don't feel like I should be sleeping in a coffin. I even like eating certain foods. I just am a vampire in the body of a human.
I just wish I knew I wasn't alone, or at least belonged in some community.
Keep in mind that you don't have to be a certain way to mingle with other vampires, regardless of where you find them- if a group excludes you on the grounds of what you believe or feel, then that's a reflection of them and not you. Maybe they're catering to a specific sort of vampire, or maybe they're just assholes and not good to be around anyway.
Memories/noema don't make someone otherkind. The otherkind community does fall short when it comes to serving people who aren't of a spiritual bent, aren't religious or following a certain path. There's no way around that. Fictionkind aren't much better.
It doesn't mean you aren't welcome though, and in fact I would say we need you around even more because of the neglect. You might be in a minority, but your voice is still wanted and very much needed. I know it can be frustrating to have to pioneer space, but being yourself where others can see it can help draw people to you who didn't know they could exist that way, or were also too afraid to speak up. At the very least, people who can't fully relate to you can still be interested and interact with you. Maybe you are unique, but that makes a person more interesting, not something to push away.
Another option, while maybe awkward at first, is that you don't have to put down roots anywhere. You can tag your posts with a handful of things to reach audiences that you feel comfortable talking to, without ever having to say "I am otherkin". These labels are opt-in, and you can leave if it stops working for you. Or over time maybe you'll feel better claiming one or multiple.
I'm not sure what to say.... I didn't expect a response like this. I really appreciate it. It makes me feel a little more welcome. A little less alone. I won't give up yet... I'll try to find a space that feels like home.
And if I can't find one, I'll just have to make one.
Thank you for your response. I'll try to refer back to it when I feel discouraged.
I feel so alone right now.
My name is Shadow. I'm a vampire alter in an OSDD system. This is my blog. And I'm feeling very isolated.
I wanted to check out the vampirekin community in hopes that I might find some people who understand me. But I'm finding a lot of my experiences and feelings are different from theirs...
I don't have any memories from being a vampire before I came to be. I'm not an introject. I don't have source memories or memories of a past life. I'm not a spiritual person, either.
And I do experience species dysphoria, of course. I can feel where my fangs should be. I know I should be able to manifest wings and flash my eyes red. I should have much better night vision. My ears are supposed to be pointed and long. I feel better when I drink red drinks. I feel like I belong in the cool nighttime and I often feel out of place during the day. I feel the urge to chew and bite a lot. These things make me feel depressed sometimes.
But I rarely, if ever, experience the urge to drink blood that is not mine. And I only really feel a significant/un-ignorable urge for mine when I'm already injured and bleeding. Maybe it's a sanitary thing (I'm a bit of a germaphobe, unfortunately....) but I've only ever tasted my own. I'm worried someone else's would make the body sick. But regardless, the actual urge is not something that usually happens unless I'm already looking at blood.
I just feel like I don't belong anywhere... I'm not thousands of years old. I'm 23. My vampiric urges aren't that strong. The kind of vampire I am doesn't fear the sun or have to sleep all day. I'm not affected by crosses or garlic and I don't feel like I should be sleeping in a coffin. I even like eating certain foods. I just am a vampire in the body of a human.
I just wish I knew I wasn't alone, or at least belonged in some community.
Vampvespertic
(Vampire-vespertilio-ic)
A xenogender connected to vampires and vampire bats, specifically for trans masculine and vampirekin individuals. Made with otherkin in mind, but it's not exclusive to only otherkin/nonhuman
coined by me ^,..,^
Color meanings:
[ID: dark red: Vampirism, red: blood, pink: trans masculine, white: fangs, pink: trans masculine, dusty lilac: gender non-conforming, purple/indigo: Night. end ID]
Which one of you got into my head and made a flag about it
me srry
I'm willing to forgive you since you're owning up to it, but you should really ask next time 😤
Vampvespertic
(Vampire-vespertilio-ic)
A xenogender connected to vampires and vampire bats, specifically for trans masculine and vampirekin individuals. Made with otherkin in mind, but it's not exclusive to only otherkin/nonhuman
coined by me ^,..,^
Color meanings:
[ID: dark red: Vampirism, red: blood, pink: trans masculine, white: fangs, pink: trans masculine, dusty lilac: gender non-conforming, purple/indigo: Night. end ID]
Which one of you got into my head and made a flag about it
If I could stop fucking up all the time that would be nice