1. How about you learn to aim? If you can write your name in the snow, you can make it into the toilet. While we’re at it, when you drip, clean it the fuck up.
2. I’m so glad! Now I don’t have to feel guilty for almost never thinking about you. I’m usually thinking about my school work, how to make sure my children have a good day at school, learning a new skill, and figuring out how I can say “not tonight,” without lying about a headache. Again.
3. Please go watch your sports. At a bar. Where I don’t have to listen to you yell at the TV. Don’t forget to call Uber for a ride, and when you get home, I definitely don’t want to sleep with your drunk ass.
4. A real man cries. I guess I’m more manly than you. (of course, I knew that already)
5. Right back at’cha. I’m no mind reader. And if I can infer your meaning with hints, you can bet your ass that I’m purposely not going to do whatever you want.
6. I don’t either. I put it in my phone’s calendar and set a notification. Does this mean I know how to use technology better than you?
7. Except the question “why?” Like, “why do you think your list of rules is funny?”
8. I can solve my own goddamn problems, thank you. How about you do your job and support your partner? Sometimes that means listening to us bitch. I mean, if we have to listen to you talk about that new video game, or whether the AL or NL will win the next World Series, or why Iron Man is better than Thor, or your Rocky Balboa impression for the 500th time, you can listen to me talk about my problems.
9. I’ll check my oil when you call a repairman for that thing you “swear I can fix” and then break.
10. Yeah, and that thing you asked for a few weeks ago for a special “birthday treat” (which isn’t for two months) is also inadmissible. I mean, after 7 days any kinky request you had is null and void. I didn’t want to do it anyway.
11. In the words of the queen herself, Nicki Minaj, “you loooooove this fat ass!”
12. Same. And please, let it go already!
13. Oh, don’t worry. We look too. It’s just as genetic for us. I probably look more than you.
14. If you’re still paying for television with commercials, I probably don’t want to talk to you.
15. Well, he was looking for Asia and found the Caribbean, soooooo.... yeah. Pick another role model. Just use the damn GPS. I mean, you’re already paying for way too much data anyway, you might as well use it.
16. Peach and mauve are ugly anyway.
17. Now, I know you’re just a man and don’t understand redundancy, but you should see #5.
18. Good. Because I probably don’t want to talk to you. You’re kind of an asshole, as you’ve demonstrated in every “rule” above.
19. You have enough video games/beer/movies/channels/baseball caps/cargo shorts/pens/box knives/comic books.
20. See above re: “enough” and replace with “too many.” Again, redundancy is strong in you, and annoying as fuck.
21. Like, the ones in the magazines? The ones that tell us how to be better at sex for you? I don’t read those. But maybe you should pick up a tip or two about generosity from those tips....
22. Purses are bulky. And unnecessary in 9/10 social situations. I’d much rather drink beer, if it’s a micro brew and doesn’t taste how your bathroom smells when you “didn’t notice” that you dripped down the side of the bowl.
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
andulkaphoto
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
2087
titsay
amandla
