If I Could Fly
Hello all!! Thank you for taking the time to read my second ever piece of writing! I’m still new to this so any reblogs or feedback would be greatly appreciated!!!
I sort of switch between Harry and the readers pov so sorry if it is confusing! Harrys parts are in Italics and the reader is the rest.
summary: Harry and his love get into a fight right before she’s suppose to fly out to NYC for hslot, heavily inspired by ‘if i could fly’ by one direction
word count: 4.6k
warnings: angst, fluff, maybe swearing? i think thats it
-
I have no idea how it started, but I remember how it ended…
“Well if you feel that way then maybe you shouldn’t even come out here at all”
The words were still ringing in my ears; I tried to convince myself that he didn’t mean it, that he was just frustrated and homesick, but he sounded so sure of himself that I had no other choice but to admit that he meant it.
We never really fight much, Harry and I had been together for as long as I can remember, I was there for everything, even X factor. It was easier back then, when we were younger, being able to just finish school and then essentially travel the world with my then boyfriend (future husband) for free, I say free but I always tried to help out, even helping out the photographers.
Then when the hiatus started, and Harry started writing his solo album, he encouraged me to pursue my interests. So I started applying to jobs in photography and magazines where I could help develop my skills and name more. After helping Harry film in Jamaica I got a few calls from small magazines asking for me to come help at some photo-shoots.
It was perfect for the most part, Harry travelled a bit more to write his first album but he was never gone long and he always came back to me. Even when he toured his solo album, Harry invited me along to be the tour photographer, it took a lot of convincing on his part, but I could never say no to him.
It was all starting to fall apart now…
Harry has just started Love on Tour, and even though I could have chosen to go and be tour photographer again, I opted out to take a big opportunity with Vogue magazine. Harry encouraged me to take it even though it meant I wouldn’t be able to come join him on tour for about 3 months. We both agreed to make time for the other and to fly out to see each other so we would last the 3 months.
Harry is a very spontaneous, go with the flow type person, and it’s honestly one of the things I love most about him, but sometimes another side of Harry comes out. We jokingly call it his ‘Diva’, it happens most when he is stressed out about a show or has had a bad sound check or he is feeling homesick or tired.
I couldn’t tell you the reason for his most resent outburst, but I can tell you one thing, I was on the receiving end of it.
Earlier…
Harry had asked me to call him as soon as I woke up, in regards to my flight to come watch him perform some of his shows, starting in NYC. I was already dreading having to tell him that I probably wouldn’t be able to make it after there was in issue with one of the photo shoots and I was required to re shoot a whole day of photos.
So I was already on edge when the phone started ringing.
“Morning lovie” Harry’s angelic voice sounded through my phones speaker.
“Hi H, how was sound check today?” I tried to prolong the likely uncomfortable conversation bound to happen.
“Yeah it was alright, Couldn’t quite get my notes right in She, but I’m not too worried for tonight, you packed your bag yet? Only 2 more days!!!”
Damn.
“Um H, I actually need to talk to you about that…” I quietly answered his question, waiting for him to be upset. “Lovie don’t even joke- he breathily chuckled –I can’t even handle you joking about that, I really need to see you”
“Harry, I’m serious I can’t even explain how sorry I am, I need you too but...” He cuts in, words slicing me in half “What you talking about? You’re getting on that plane in 2 days honey! I don’t need to hear anything else!” He sounded so furious yet somehow so calm, it honestly scared me a little bit. “There was some issues with one of the shoots and I need to re shoot and I’m sorry H but I’m probably not gonna be able to make the flight…”
I was shocked. I couldn’t stand the silence but I didn’t dare speak, it was like he was waiting for me to say I’m joking, but I never did.
I don’t remember much after that, thankfully, but I’m fairly certain it wouldn’t make me feel any better if I did. All I remember is the tears streaming down my face and the words leaving my husbands mouth...
“Well if that’s the way you feel then maybe you shouldn’t even come out here at all”.
I hung up after that; I couldn’t take the shouting and the foul language coming from the man I felt was my soul mate.
I was honestly shattered, I knew he was going to be sad and maybe a bit angry, but nothing could have prepared me for the degrading words that came out of his mouth. He immediately tried to call me back after I’d hung up, but I turned my personal phone off and started getting ready for work, hopefully if I worked hard and fast enough I could convince my boss to let me leave for New York on time.
-
After I heard the line go dead, I took a second to breathe before I realised what I had done. I had just screamed at my lovie. My soul mate. My wife. How could I do that?
I knew I was having a bad day the second I slept in and missed an important call, Jeff had already yelled at me for that and from there the day had just gotten worse.
I almost always have a smoothie before warm ups and I decided to try a new flavour and it sucked.
I got my favourite vintage Fleetwood Mac tee caught on a door handle and it ripped a hole in the delicate fabric.
I couldn’t hit any of my high notes in She and to be honest I was close to tears when I heard my wife’s personalised ringtone.
I was trying to hold it all in, knowing I would be with my angel soon enough, knowing she would be able to make everything seem better.
After hearing that she couldn’t make it, it felt like the world was against me, I couldn’t control myself, in my head all I can hear are the horrifying words I had just shouted at my wife. The replay of the fight in my head making me even angrier with myself, I threw my phone onto the bed after my 5 calls had gone straight to voicemail, knowing she had turned her phone off meant that she was truly mad, she didn’t want to talk to me at all.
A text would have to suffice until she decided to talk to me again.
H: I know I messed up. I know saying I’m in a bad mood isn’t an excuse.
H: just please call me when you can
H: I love you x
I tried to put our fight in the back of my mind as I went to find Mitch or anyone to distract me until my lovie replied. Nothing much worked unfortunately. I checked my phone every 2 minutes and after 4 hours of checking, I noticed something that made me feel even guiltier than before…
Read 5:47pm
-
I didn’t check my phone till my lunch break, a few hours after our phone call, I read his texts and I honestly didn’t know what to respond, I was still furious at him for blowing up at me like that and worse it was about something that I had no control over. Of course I missed him and wanted to see him so bad, if not more than he did.
I decided I’d respond after work when I had calmed down a bit and when I knew what to say.
The day had gone by fast, unfortunately for me I wouldn’t be going home at 5 like almost everyone else. Luckily, I had all the failed photos re done that day and was hoping to get all the editing finished tonight and then they would be ready to be finalised and emailed off tomorrow.
It was around 7:30pm when I finally walked into our London home, the house seemed cold and gloomy when Harry was away touring, but if all went well I wouldn’t need to be here much longer. After all my hard work today my day seemed to be looking up, it looked like I would be able to finalise my photos tomorrow morning and email them off by lunch time.
This meant that I would be able to make the flight Harry had booked for me months ago. The only debate I was having was whether or not I should actually get on the flight, Harry had made it clear that he didn’t think I should come, but I know my husband and I know he was just mad at the time of his comment, but I was hurting too.
After a long internal debate with myself I decided to just send a simple reply to Harrys text, still undecided if I would make it to NYC.
-
I was lying awake in my tour bus, on the way to New York, unable to fall asleep. Usually my angel would call me when she gets home after she finishes work. I waited and waited, praying she would just call and say anything, even if she shouted and swore at me, I just wanted to hear her voice.
No call.
As I was finally starting to drift off, I got a notification from my phone that didn’t fill me with the confidence that she was coming...
Lovie: Good luck for NYC x
-
After a lot of deliberation, I was waiting in the customs line at the airport. I had finished my work faster than I had anticipated and really I had nothing else to do for 2 weeks, I already had my time off approved and what else was I going to do, sit around our lonely, cold house and mope for 2 weeks…
After my text to Harry he hadn’t tried to call me, I figured he was still slightly mad I wasn’t coming, despite his texts from the day before, maybe he was mad that I hadn’t apologised or maybe he was mad that I hadn’t called when he asked me to.
I knew going to New York was a bit of a risk, I had no idea how he was going to react and it could end up with me getting right back on a plane to London anyway. I figured I may as well try and patch things up with Harry, otherwise it would be a lonely 2 weeks for me.
I debated whether or not to call or text and tell him that I was coming, but I figured I’d show up, call Jeff and just watch the show from the crowd. I’d talk to him after; maybe the concert would let him get some of his aggression out, if he still had any.
-
I stared at my phone for a while after receiving her text last night, ultimately I decided not to reply right away, I would reply in the morning with fresh eyes and hopefully a happier wife.
When I woke up the next morning in NYC, I’m not going to lie, I kind of expected another text from my love, anything would have been appreciated. But no, just the same 4 words stared back at me when I checked my phone; I decided to try calling her 1 more time. The phone when straight to voicemail again, the flash backs of our fight were circling in my head as I tried to called again. I should have expected this, I know talking to her like that was wrong, hell it wasn’t even talking, I was shouting at her and she didn’t even say anything she just listened to me go on and on and then ultimately hung up.
Fuck. I had to make this up to her, and the only idea I could think of was kind of out there, but if I know my wife, and I do, It should at least get her to call me.
H: I know I don’t deserve anything from you right now, not after the way I spoke to you, but could you please just watch a live stream tonight.
H: I love you endlessly, just say the word. X
-
When I got off the plane I only had around an hour before the show started, I was going to be cutting it pretty close for the start of the show but at least I made it. After waiting for my phone to turn back on after the flight, I saw 2 texts from my Harry and honestly it made me feel so glad that I got on that flight. I had an inkling that Harry was about to do something big and risky at his show, I just hoped I didn’t miss it. I needed to call Jeff immediately.
“Wasn’t expecting to hear from you today?” Jeff curiously teased as he answered the phone. “Yeah well neither did I! Listen I need a favour…”
-
I was nervous, my missus hadn’t replied to my texts and I was freaking out a little. I have never changed the set list this close to the start of a show. All my hope was riding on the chance that even though she was mad at me, she’d still watch my show live streamed like she usually did whenever she couldn’t make it. The show was just about to start and I had just finished finalising all my changes for my surprise that would hopefully make my lovie forgive me.
We’ve obviously had many up and downs being together for as long as we have and along the way she has inspired me to write my best and most favourite songs.
One of those came to be written back in the days of One Direction, my love had just decided to go back to her parent’s house as she had missed them quite a bit and hadn’t seen them in almost a year. We had a little bit of a spat when she told me about her plans, I had offered to fly them out to meet us and she had declined and I had gotten a bit defensive. We resolved it after a few bad days and I was fine with it all, but when she was packing her stuff to leave I got sad and I was a distant the whole day before she left.
We had our bitter sweet goodbye in the hotel room we were sharing and she had quietly said “I’m always a phone call away H” and as tears streamed down both our faces she finished with “I’ll be missing half of me while we’re apart and if you need me just say the word and I’ll be there.” And with that she kissed my cheek and walked out.
After that day I wrote her a song and we both got into the habit of saying ‘just say the word’, a subtle phrase meaning more to each of us than the other even knew.
“HARRY 2 MINUTES TO STAGE”, well here goes nothing.
-
When I arrived at Madison Square Garden it was packed, my driver couldn’t quite get close enough to the stage doors, so I called Jeff to send some security guards to help me not get trampled. I quickly ran into the backstage doors, looking frantically for Jeff, he stood a good 100 meters ahead in the hall way, holding up a blank sign and waving a large black sharpie. As I thanked Jeff, he was watching over my shoulder as I hurried to scribble words down on the sign. He chuckled when I finished and showed me to the back way into the crowd, I struggled to keep up with him, wondering why he was practically sprinting through the corridors. Harry wasn’t even singing right now so I wasn’t even missing the real show.
When we finally made it to the doors that separated us from the mosh pit, Jeff gave me a thumbs up and gestured to the guard by the door to usher me to the front of the friends and family section at the end of the catwalk. I thank Jeff as I quickly followed after the guard, silently waving to the fans that recognised me and motioned to keep it a secret.
When I got to my spot I was just in time to see Harry start his walk down towards me. He didn’t usually talk during this part of the show but I was too excited to see him to care, I had my sign ready to flash at him when he finally looked my way.
-
I’m sweating profusely and I think my hands are shaking as I walk down the cat walk to where my wife usually stands when she’s in the crowd, I couldn’t bare to look at the empty space as I got there, so instead I just stared out into the crowd as I started my speech..
“Now I have something a little different tonight” The crowd seemed excited about it, probably hoping I was going to sing ‘To Be So Lonely’ again, as the crowd got quieter, I continued.
“As you all know, my beautiful wife is usually touring alongside me because – a small chuckle sounded through the mic as I finished – well because I can’t stand to be apart from her for that long”. The fans awed and clapped upon hearing this.
“However she was suppose to be joining me a bit later in the tour because she’s so good at her job that they needed her to stay in London to finish her HUGE, new project that she working on, and she was suppose to be here tonight as well for a well deserved break, but well to be honest, I kind of messed up and the details are not needed but I just wanted to dedicate this song to my love, just say the word”.
As the fans screamed in anticipation, the beginning chords of “If I Could Fly” start to play around the arena.
-
I couldn’t stop the tears escaping my eyes after his speech; he still didn’t know I was standing in my favourite spot, right next to him, waiting for him to notice me. I chuckled under my breath looking at my sign and at our ability to read each other’s minds.
As he started to sing our song, I noticed how sad and shaky he seemed, I couldn’t take it any longer, I needed him to see me and I needed him to know that I forgave him and that I was always going to be here.
I held my sign up high in the air, shaking it around to try and catch his attention. He wasn’t looking at this side of the arena at all, just staring straight ahead to the fans in front of him.
It looked like he was so focused on not crying that he was barely registering all the things around him. I looked around at the fans behind me and walked to the barrier separating me from the regular mosh pit, I see 2 girls dressed in bright flares and Harry’s merch immediately recognise me and I go up to them to ask politely for there help.
-
I was about half way through my dedication when I noticed I was holding back tears, the rest of the arena coming back into view as I finally centered myself back in the moment.
As I was looking at the fans in front of me, I kept hearing a loud combined screaming of my name coming from my right.
“HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!”
I had fought of the urge to look that way for far too long, I finally gave up and turned to the side and I swear my heart melted in that moment. Standing there right in front of my eyes was my beautiful wife holding up a sign that said
“FOR YOUR EYES ONLY ;)” with an arrow pointing down at her.
She had the biggest smile on her face and tears streaming down her face as she sung along with me. I had to fight the urge to run down and cuddle the crap out of her.
I almost missed my cue to come into the final verse of the song, as I finished off the song I wrote for the girl standing in front of me, everyone and everything else in the arena turns into nothing and all I see is my soul mate staring right back at me, screaming the words with me.
I hadn’t even noticed the tears sliding down my face until one landed on my hand and I quickly wiped them away, she giggled at me and I saw her mouth the 3 words I’ll always want to hear from her “I love you”.
I’m missing half of me,
When were apart,
Now you know me,
For your eyes only,
For your eyes only,
For your eyes only
-
As he was finishing the final lines of the song, his eyes never leaving mine, I could sense he was really trying to tell me that this is what he means. This song encompasses everything that he feels when we aren’t together and even if sometimes he can’t convey that with his words I know he will always feel it.
After the final words of the song, I finally see him smile and he gestures his head at me, motioning towards back stage. I smiled back at him as I nod my head and go to find the security guard again to escort me back stage.
As he talks to the crowd, as if that the song didn’t happen, as if all the fans didn’t hear him dedicate and sing that song to me while he cried, I feel his eyes watch me the entire way back to the doors leading back stage, before I let the doors part us again, I turn around and hold up my sign one more time.
He catches my sign and with a playful grin he winks at me and says something that surprises everyone in the stadium.
-
“Thank you very much for letting me switch it up folks, but I think I’m gonna need a quick 2 minute break, I drink a lot of water you know”
I laugh through the urge to run after my wife, I start the way back towards the middle of the stage, dropping my mic back into the stand before whispering in Mitch’s ear “I’m gonna be super quick, keep them entertained” I jokingly laughed with Mitch before making my way down the stairs and running off to search for my wife.
I hurried down the long hallways and everyone who saw me moved quickly out of the way, I turned a corner and there she was right at the end of the corridor, standing in front of me with tear stained cheeks that matched my own.
We both practically sprinted to meet each other in the middle, her arms going around my neck and her legs wrapping around my hips. I spun her around and almost squeezed the life out of her.
“I missed you so much lovie” the words were so quiet I wasn’t sure she would hear them.
“I missed you more H” She pulled her head out of my neck and looked at me, tears were starting to spill from her eyes again and I had to put her feet back on the ground so I could wipe them away.
“No more tears darling, I’m so sorry lovie I didn’t mean any of it I swear I always want you around, I need you around and I -” I started rambling words at her and she just softly smiled at me and kissed me just to shut me up. “I know H, I know, we’ll be alright” she chuckled as she said the second part, loving that she was able to sneak in another reference to one of my songs.
“Just say the word lovie, you know I’d give all this up, you just got to ask.”
I looked longingly into my wife’s eyes, waiting for a sign that that’s what she wanted.
-
Hearing him say those words was not a first time occurrence for us, he actually says them a lot to remind me, and I think himself, that I’m worth more than all the songs, all the fans and all the fame. I smiled up at him through happy tears.
“H I love you, but you and I both know I’m never gonna ask you to do that, I love you being up there almost as much as you do, I love watching you be yourself and singing your heart out and nothing is ever going to change that. Just like nothing is going to change the fact that I love you and I’m not going anywhere, whether you like it or not!”
I watched as he beamed down at me, his famous grin widening on his face, “I love you more than you know, I’m missing half of me when we are apart darling” he laughed as he kissed the top of my head. I giggled at him and lent up to kiss his lips, as we part he leans his forehead against mine and I get to stare back at my favourite green irises.
“I think there are some people waiting for you H”
-
I was itching to get into my dressing room after the show finished, knowing that’s where my wife would be waiting for me. I quickly thanked the band and all the back stage people as I started to make my way back to my room. I stopped when I saw Jeff off to the side, I ran up behind him and gave him a big hug.
“Thank you, I don’t know what you did tonight but I know you did something, so thank you”. Jeff laughed as I let him go and as I was running off in the direction of my dressing room I hear him say “Hopefully with your missus around you wont turn into a diva anymore”, I just stuck my finger up at him as I rounded the corner.
I finally made it back to the room that had ‘HARRY’ stuck to the front of it, as I opened it I saw the only thing that I would ever want to see in here after a show.
My gorgeous wife lying across the small couch with her legs all squished up to fit her whole body on there, I figured she came straight from the airport so I’m not surprised she’s already asleep.
I quietly strip out of my stage clothes and change into a clean pair of shorts and a band tee from earlier today, when I’m finished I crouch down in front of my lovie’s face and softly kiss her all over until she slowly wakes from her slumber.
As she peaks open one eye, I giggle at her as I ask “You ready to get going lovie?” and I wasn’t prepared for her reply, grinning as it fills my heart with love.
“I’d go anywhere with you”.
“Really? You’d go anywhere? Anywhere at all?”
“Yes H, I’d go to LA, I’d go to Jamaica, I’d go to Mars, I’d even just go back to our home in London, I’d go where ever you go”
“Oh angel, you are my home”
-
THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR!!!!! Sorry if the ending is a little cheesy, i couldn’t help my self! Please feel free so send me feedback or requests and pretty please reblog and like!!! xoxo
