the pootmeister

slightly off-putting homosexual with ibs

[anotheryearwasted]

[fart-diary]

Love my best friend so much I wanna open up their ribcage crawl inside and fall asleep to the steady beat of their heart

[fart-diary]

Putting out a job ad for any vampire who wants to suck me

Pros: I'm on my period

Cons: I'll cough into your mouth

[fart-diary]

I fucking hate capsicums cause they've pavloved my digestive system into shitting almost immediately after eating one

They're so fucking tasty man. Fuck.

[cupofwaterenjoyment]

girl why are you at church...don't you know sundays are for #masturbating

[fart-diary]

man on the train eating a burger and moaning so loudly.

[beadyeyes]

[fart-diary]

This is how life gets after 11 pee ehm

[fart-diary]

syncing my menstrual cycle to the moon so I can be my horniest on the full moon

[fart-diary]

Im doctor feelgood and shitbad

[digitaldiseas3]

it’s absolutely ridiculous that anxiety/nervousness can give you digestive issues like please i’m already upset enough can we not add “shitting my pants” to the list of fears today

[fart-diary]

Hey guys what's the definition of a savant cause I'm reeeeallly good at spotting groups of 4 but only that

The pattern-finding brainworm is really good at one thing and it's being utterly useless

[fart-diary]

You know what don't let people tell you twilight is stupid. Those faggy vampires could break their neck in a second

[fart-diary]

Beautiful and caring Alice Cullen is really holding me back. You're LUCKY she's soothing me and whispering gentle words of comfort

[fart-diary]

You know what don't let people tell you twilight is stupid. Those faggy vampires could break their neck in a second

[fart-diary]

DUUUDE did you see what fhey did the- yeah they totally- oohhh it was-

... -_-

Hey dude can u let me get a word in or?

[fart-diary]

Im doctor feelgood and shitbad

[fart-diary]

Back home from the function? Ah excellent, I'm going to make my bathroom tremble

[fart-diary]

The appeal of becoming a vampire, personally, is so I can fuck with your whole bloodline