Welcome To My Portal

This is kinda where I read fanfics

[asiangok]

r-18. after finding out suguru was still in the picture, satoru gojo goes completely silent, leaving you stuck in a week-long spiral. one awkward shift at the club and one trip back to his apartment later, suguru picks the absolute worst or maybe best time to call. 部: pt. 1

the silence stretched between you like a live wire. then, without a word, satoru sat up.

the mattress shifted as he stood. you watched the long line of his back as he walked to the bathroom and came back with a warm towel. he wiped himself first, then tossed the towel toward you carelessly. you caught it against your stomach.

“so what?” he said suddenly, voice light but edged with something bitter. he let out a short, sarcastic laugh as he pulled on his boxers. “you fucked him again recently or something?”

the laugh didn’t reach his eyes. it was the kind of laugh he used when he was annoyed and trying to hide it.

your throat tightened.

“no,” you answered quietly.

he paused for a second, then nodded like he didn’t really believe you. or maybe he did and it pissed him off even more.

“lock the door when you leave,” he said flatly.

your stomach dropped.

he never said that after fucking. he usually let you stay, sometimes even pulled you back into bed when you tried to get up. never told you to leave. technically.

you didn’t answer. just watched as he grabbed his phone and disappeared into the bathroom. the sound of the shower turning on filled the quiet apartment moments later.

you stayed there for a while, towel pressed between your legs, staring at the empty side of the bed where his warmth was already fading. the messages from suguru were still sitting on your phone. you hadn’t replied to the latest ones, but you also hadn’t deleted them.

and now satoru knew.

you cleaned yourself up slowly, got dressed, and left like he asked. the click of the lock behind you felt heavier than it should have.

for the next three days, nothing.

usually he was the one sending the messages: casual “come over?” at random hours, sometimes just a location and a time when he wanted to fuck or chill. sometimes no words at all, just an emoji or a photo of his bed.

but this time? radio silence.

no texts. no calls. no “i’m bored, get here.”

you told yourself it was fine. that it was better this way. that whatever this thing between you was, it was never supposed to last anyway. but every night when your phone stayed quiet, the ache in your chest got a little louder.

on the fourth night, after another long shift where you smiled through gritted teeth and poured drinks like a robot, you finally caved. sitting on the edge of your bed in the dark, still in your work dress, you typed the message with shaking fingers.

“are we okay?”

you hit send before you could overthink it.

it was delivered instantly.

you stared at the screen for almost twenty minutes, refreshing like it would change anything. nothing. just “delivered” mocking you in the quiet of your room.

that was when the spiral really started.

you told yourself you wouldn’t check again, but you did. every hour. every break at work. every time your phone vibrated, you snatched it like a lifeline, only to feel your stomach drop when it wasn’t him.

work became a mess.

you showed up late the next night. your makeup was a little off, your usual bright smile cracked at the edges. when a regular client tried to flirt and grab your waist like always, you flinched hard enough that he noticed. you laughed it off, but the damage was done. your manager pulled you aside after, asking if everything was fine. you lied through your teeth.

you started drinking more during shifts. not enough for anyone to call you out, but enough that the edges blurred. enough that when men said disgusting things, it didn’t sting as sharply. enough that you didn’t care if your laugh sounded fake.

one night you even let a customer tip you extra just to sit in the vip room and stare at your phone under the table, hoping satoru would finally reply. he didn’t.

suguru’s messages kept coming. sweet ones. the kind he used when he wanted something.

“missed you lately.” “where’ve you been?” “let me take you out this weekend.”

you read every single one.

and left them all on delivered.

you couldn’t bring yourself to reply. not when your head was so full of white hair and blue eyes and the way satoru had looked at you like you’d disappointed him. not when the ache in your chest felt bigger than anything suguru had ever made you feel.

every night you came home, took off the tight dress, washed the smell of smoke and cologne off your skin, and crawled into bed wondering why satoru’s silence hurt worse than suguru technically cheating on you.

you felt pathetic.

you felt addicted.

and worst of all — you missed him. not just the sex. you missed the way he used to look at you like he was trying to figure you out. even when it was cruel, at least he was paying attention.

now there was just… nothing.

you kept telling yourself it was temporary. that satoru was just busy — college life and all that shit you only ever heard about in passing. the kind of life that had schedules and deadlines and futures attached to it. a life you didn’t live.

maybe juggling classes really was harder than working nights. maybe he was buried in lectures and caffeine and barely had time to breathe, let alone text the girl he was just fucking. you tried to convince yourself of that on the good hours. it made the ache feel a little less personal.

on the bad hours, the thoughts turned sharper.

what if he was laughing about it with suguru?

the image wouldn’t leave your head. the two of them at some apartment, drinks in hand, satoru leaning back with that lazy smirk saying, “you won’t believe how fast she folded. still checking her phone for you though.” suguru chuckling like it was just another story. like you were the punchline they both saw coming.

you hated how easily your brain supplied the scene.

work stayed steady, but you moved through it like you were underwater. you smiled when you had to. laughed at the right moments. poured drinks with steady hands. but your mind kept drifting. during quiet stretches between tables, you’d slip your phone out just to stare at the delivered message. still no reply. still blue ticks that never came.

at home, you’d lie in bed replaying every second of that last night. the way he’d tossed the towel. the flat tone when he told you to lock the door. the way he didn’t even look back before disappearing into the shower.

you started doing small things to fill the quiet. cleaning your already-clean apartment. scrolling through old photos you had no business keeping. rereading suguru’s unread messages and feeling nothing but guilt for ignoring them. you didn’t reply to him either. not because you were strong, but because even the idea of talking to him felt like betrayal to whatever fragile thing you had with satoru.

pathetic, really.

you caught yourself wondering what satoru was doing at 2 a.m. while you were still in your work heels. was he asleep? studying? out with friends? with someone else?

the thought of him with another girl made your stomach twist, but you forced it down. you had no right to that jealousy. you never did.

by the end of the week, the spiral had settled into something quieter. heavier. a constant low hum under your skin. you still went to work. you still paid your bills. you still smiled when customers called you pretty.

but at night, when the apartment was too quiet and your phone stayed dark, you let yourself feel it fully — the missing, the shame, the fear that satoru had finally seen you clearly and decided you weren’t worth the trouble.

you wondered if he ever thought about you at all.

the next night, the club was the usual haze of dim lights, loud music, and expensive perfume. you were halfway through your shift, moving on autopilot, when you passed by the small staff corner near the bar. two of your co-hostesses were whispering, heads close together, giggling.

“the white haired guy’s in the vip again,” one of them said, fanning herself dramatically. “fuck, he’s so hot. like model hot. those eyes? deadly.”

“right? i saw him last time too. loaded as hell. tipped crazy. i’m fighting for that table tonight.”

your stomach flipped so hard you almost dropped the tray you were holding.

white haired guy.

vip.

there was only one person that could be.

satoru.

you stood there frozen for a second, heart suddenly hammering against your ribs. all the spiraling from the past week crashed into you at once — the unread “are we okay?”, the silence, the nights you spent convincing yourself he was just busy with college. and now he was here. in your club. in the vip room.

before you could talk yourself out of it, you walked over.

“hey,” you said, trying to sound casual even though your voice felt thin. “can i bring his drinks instead?”

your co-hostess blinked at you, confused. “wait, you know him?”

you forced a small smile. “kinda. we… have mutual friends.”

she narrowed her eyes for a second, like she was trying to read between the lines, but eventually shrugged. “sure, whatever. he’s in the big private room, table 9. order’s already going up — whiskey, the expensive one.”

you nodded quickly, heart racing as you grabbed the tray with his bottle and glass. your hands were shaking just a little. you smoothed down your dress, checked your reflection in one of the mirrored pillars, and headed upstairs.

the walk to the vip room felt longer than usual. every step made your chest tighter. what if he didn’t want to see you? what if he ignored you completely? what if he was here with someone else?

you paused right outside the door, took a deep breath, then pushed it open with your usual professional smile.

satoru was sitting on the leather couch, legs spread lazily, one arm draped over the backrest. his white hair was a little messy like he’d run his hand through it too many times. he looked good. unfairly good. the moment you stepped inside, his blue eyes lifted and locked onto you.

for a second, neither of you said anything.

you set the tray down carefully on the low table in front of him, pouring his drink with practiced movements even though your pulse was loud in your ears.

“good evening, mr. gojo,” you said softly. “your usual.”

he didn’t answer right away. just watched you. that same intense, unreadable stare that always made you feel stripped bare.

you straightened up, fingers gripping the edge of the tray a little too tightly.

“…hi,” you added, quieter this time. almost hesitant.

satoru leaned back deeper into the couch, eyes flicking over you once before settling on the glass you’d just poured. his expression stayed flat. no smirk. no sharp comment. no familiar spark of cruel amusement. just cold indifference.

he reached forward and took the glass without looking at you again.

“didn’t ask for you,” he said. voice low, casual, like he was commenting on the weather.

the words landed heavy in your chest.

you swallowed, forcing your professional smile to stay in place even as it felt like it was cracking.

“i know. i… offered.”

he took a slow sip, eyes drifting somewhere past your shoulder. the silence stretched. the low hum of the club music vibrated through the floor, but inside the private room it felt suffocatingly quiet.

“you can go,” he finally said, still not meeting your eyes. “tell the other girl to come back if she wants the tip.”

your throat tightened. heat rushed up your neck, a mix of embarrassment and hurt that made your eyes sting.

he was dismissing you. cleanly. coldly. like you were just another hostess. like the past month — the nights in his bed, the way he’d held you after, the way he’d looked at you like he actually saw you — had never happened.

you stood there for another second, hoping he’d say something else. anything. a jab. a mocking laugh. even anger would’ve been better than this nothing.

but satoru just swirled the whiskey in his glass, jaw set, like your presence was barely registering.

“…okay,” you whispered.

you turned to leave, tray clutched against your stomach like a shield. your legs felt unsteady as you walked toward the door.

just before you reached it, his voice cut through the quiet again. flat. detached.

“and close the door properly on your way out.”

no nickname. no teasing. no “baby.”

just that.

you didn’t look back. you couldn’t. you stepped out and let the heavy door click shut behind you, the sound echoing louder in your head than it should have.

you stood in the hallway for what felt like forever, back pressed against the wall, trying to steady your breathing. your eyes were burning but you refused to let the tears fall here. not at work.

then your phone buzzed in your pocket — a message from your co-hostess.

“hey, table 9 still needs someone. the other girls are all tied up with big groups downstairs. can u handle it? sorry.”

you stared at the text. of course. everyone else was busy.

you had no choice.

you wiped under your eyes quickly, fixed your expression into something that almost passed for calm, and pushed the door open again.

satoru was still in the same position — legs spread, glass in hand, staring at nothing in particular. when the door clicked shut behind you, his eyes flicked up. for a split second something crossed his face (annoyance, maybe), but it disappeared just as fast.

“the hell are you still doing here?” he asked. voice cold. flat.

you swallowed hard and stepped closer, tray still in your hands even though it was empty now.

“the other girls are all busy downstairs,” you said quietly. “big groups. i’m… the only one free right now.”

he let out a low breath through his nose, almost a scoff, and looked away again. he took another sip of whiskey, then set the glass down harder than necessary.

“great,” he muttered. “just what i needed.”

the words stung, but you stayed standing there, unsure what to do with yourself. you moved automatically — refilling his glass even though it barely needed it, adjusting the ice with the tongs, anything to keep your hands busy so they wouldn’t shake.

the silence was worse than anything he could’ve said.

you could feel him watching you now, but not in the old way. not with that sharp, curious intensity. this was colder. more distant. like he was looking at a stranger who was mildly inconveniencing him.

after a minute, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“satoru…” you started, voice barely above a whisper.

“don’t,” he cut you off immediately. his tone left no room for argument. “just do your job if you have to be here.”

he leaned back, eyes fixed on the wall instead of you.

“pour the drink. smile. pretend you’re happy to see me like you do with every other guy who walks in here. that’s what you’re good at, right?”

the casual cruelty in his voice made your chest cave in. it was the old satoru — the one who used to tear you down in front of everyone — but colder now. more exhausted. like he didn’t even have the energy to enjoy hurting you anymore.

you bit the inside of your cheek and nodded, forcing that practiced hostess smile back on your face even though it felt like glass.

“yes, mr. gojo.”

you poured his drink slowly, the amber liquid catching the low lights. inside, the spiral was loud again — louder than before.

he really didn’t want you here.

he didn’t even want to look at you.

and yet you were stuck in this room with him, heart pounding, wondering how much more of this you could take before you broke in front of him.

then satoru let out a short, bitter breath. he finally looked at you — really looked — and his eyes were colder than you’d ever seen them.

“you know what’s fucking pathetic?” he said, voice low and sharp. “you’re still waiting for him. even now, i’m guessing.”

your fingers tightened around the bottle.

he leaned forward slightly, elbows on his knees.

“suguru treats you like disposable shit. fucks someone else right in front of you basically, sends you sweet little texts when he feels like it, and you still can’t let go.”

his voice rose just a little.

“meanwhile i—” he cut himself off mid-sentence, jaw clenching hard. for a split second his expression fractured, the cold mask slipped and you caught a glimpse of raw frustration, almost pain, flashing in his eyes. his throat bobbed like he was swallowing back whatever else he wanted to say.

he looked away quickly, running a hand through his white hair.

“i gave you the out,” he continued, quieter now, but the edge was still there. “i let you stay in my bed. i fucked you like you mattered. and the second i pull back, you’re back here looking at me with those sad fucking eyes like i’m the one who broke you.”

the tiny crack lingered for another heartbeat — his shoulders tensed like he was fighting himself — before he forced the cold mask back on.

“you really think he’s gonna choose you one day?” he added, voice flatter again. “that’s what you’re holding out for, right? while you let me do you and pretend it was some kind of revenge.”

he reached for the glass, knuckles white.

“just… stop looking at me like that,” he muttered, almost under his breath. “it’s annoying.”

you couldn’t stay quiet anymore. the words spilled out before you could stop them.

“i stopped replying to him,” you said softly, almost pleading. “to suguru. i haven’t answered any of his messages since… since that night.”

satoru stared at you for a long moment. then he let out a low, humorless laugh that sent a chill down your spine.

“for what? a few days?” he said, voice dripping with disbelief and sarcasm. “then what? the next time you’re in my bed again, you’ll be back to talking to him?”

he shook his head, leaning back against the couch with that cold, distant look returning full force.

“don’t bullshit me. we both know how this goes.”

you stood there, tray still clutched in your hands, chest aching. the confusion hit you harder than the sting of his words.

“i don’t understand why you’re acting like this,” you whispered, voice cracking slightly. “you were the one who told me to leave that night. you haven’t texted in days. and now you’re mad at me like i did something wrong?”

satoru didn’t reply. he just stared at the glass in his hand.

you took a shaky breath and stepped closer.

“tell me,” you said softly. “please. just tell me what’s going on.”

he stayed quiet for a long moment. the music from downstairs felt distant. the only sound in the room was the faint clink of ice against glass as he swirled it slowly.

then, without looking at you, he spoke.

“if i was sleeping with you…” his voice was low, almost detached. “and you found out i was still fucking with some other girl… would you like that?”

the words hit you like cold water.

you froze.

he finally lifted his eyes to meet yours. that tiny crack was back — wider this time — a mix of frustration, jealousy, and something vulnerable he was clearly trying to bury.

“would you be okay with it?” he continued, voice quieter but sharper. “knowing i was texting her sweet shit behind your back? letting you think you were the only one while i kept her around?”

“satoru…” you breathed, voice barely audible.

he looked away again, jaw tight, like saying it out loud had cost him something.

“doesn’t feel good, does it?” he muttered.

you stood there, the weight of his words sinking deeper with every second. the realization hit you in quiet waves — how you had kept one foot with suguru even while you were in satoru’s bed. the guilt settled heavy in your throat.

you went silent. completely silent. eyes burning, lips pressed tight as you tried to hold it together.

satoru noticed immediately.

his gaze sharpened on your face, and for a moment the cold mask slipped again. he exhaled sharply through his nose.

“don’t fucking cry,” he said, voice rough, almost annoyed. but there was no real bite behind it this time. it sounded more like a plea than a command. like he couldn’t handle seeing you break right now.

you blinked hard, looking down at the tray in your hands instead of at him. the tears were already threatening anyway.

satoru was quiet for a few seconds. then he leaned back, running a hand through his hair.

“what time does your shift end?” he asked, tone flatter but no longer completely detached.

you looked up, surprised.

“…two,” you answered softly.

he nodded once, eyes flicking away again.

“i’ll wait. i’ll drive you home after.”

he said it like it was nothing. like it didn’t cost him anything. but the way his fingers tapped restlessly against the glass told you otherwise.

you swallowed, heart twisting in a dozen confusing directions.

“you don’t have to—”

“i know,” he cut you off, voice low. “just… finish your shift. i’ll be here.”

the silence that followed wasn’t as heavy as before, but it was still loaded. something had shifted. he was still keeping his walls up, still cold in places, but he wasn’t pushing you away completely anymore.

you gave a small nod and quietly left the room to continue your shift, legs unsteady the whole way.

the rest of the night dragged. every minute felt longer knowing he was upstairs waiting.

the rest of your shift passed in a blur. you moved through the motions, smiling when required, but your mind stayed upstairs in that vip room. when two o’clock finally came, you changed out of your work dress as fast as you could and went back up.

satoru was already waiting by the entrance of the club, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. he didn’t say anything when he saw you. just pushed off the wall and started walking toward the parking lot. you followed quietly.

the car ride was silent at first.

he drove with one hand on the wheel, eyes fixed on the road. the city lights dragged across his face in streaks of neon. you sat in the passenger seat, hands clasped tight in your lap, stealing glances at him every few seconds. the tension from earlier still lingered, thick and heavy between you.

neither of you spoke for most of the drive.

only the low hum of the engine and the occasional sound of traffic filled the space. you wanted to say something — anything — but the words kept getting stuck in your throat.

then, as he slowed down and started to turn toward your usual street, you felt it hit you all at once. the thought of going back to your quiet, empty apartment. the same bed where you’d spent nights staring at your phone waiting for him. the loneliness that had been chewing at you for days.

your voice came out before you could stop it.

“satoru… wait.”

he glanced at you, eyebrows slightly raised, but didn’t turn the wheel yet.

“i don’t wanna stay at my apartment tonight,” you said quietly, almost embarrassed. your fingers twisted together. “i feel… lonely.”

the words hung in the air.

satoru didn’t answer right away. he kept driving straight for a few more seconds, jaw tight, like he was fighting with himself. the car slowed at the intersection.

you kept your eyes on your lap.

“you can just drop me off somewhere else if you want,” you added quickly. “or… nevermind. it’s stupid. i just—”

“stop,” he cut you off, voice low.

he didn’t turn toward your street.

instead, he drove past it, continuing straight. his grip on the steering wheel tightened for a moment before loosening again.

“you’re coming to mine,” he said flatly. no question. no warmth. just a simple statement.

you looked at him, surprised. his face stayed mostly blank, but you caught the way his throat moved when he swallowed. another tiny crack.

the rest of the ride stayed quiet, but it felt different now. heavier. like both of you knew something was about to shift again once you got to his apartment.

the drive ended too quietly. satoru parked in his usual spot under the building, killed the engine, and got out without a word. you followed him up to his apartment, the familiar hallway lights feeling strangely heavier tonight.

he unlocked the door and held it open for you. no teasing. no smirk. just a simple gesture.

“you can stay in my room,” he said flatly as he kicked off his shoes. “i’ll take the couch if you want.”

you shook your head quickly.

“no… i want to stay with you. in your room.”

he paused for a second, then gave a small nod. “fine.”

the apartment was dark and quiet, only the city glow coming through the tall windows. you both moved around silently — you going to the bathroom to wash your face, him grabbing water from the kitchen. when you finally stepped into his bedroom, he was already there, pulling an extra shirt from his drawer and tossing it onto the bed for you.

you changed into it while he turned his back, giving you privacy. then both of you climbed into his bed.

silence.

thick, heavy silence.

you lay on your side facing him. he lay on his back, one arm behind his head, staring at the ceiling. the space between your bodies felt like a canyon even though it was only a few inches. neither of you spoke for what felt like forever. you could hear his breathing, steady but not relaxed.

minutes passed.

you watched the way the city lights moved across his sharp jawline, the way his white lashes cast faint shadows on his cheeks. the ache in your chest from the whole week — from his silence, from his coldness, from missing him — became too much.

slowly, carefully, you shifted closer.

you leaned in first and kissed him.

soft. hesitant. just lips brushing against his.

satoru went completely still.

for a few seconds he didn’t kiss you back. his body tensed like he was fighting it. then he pulled away slightly, turning his head.

“you need to rest,” he murmured, voice low and rough. “it’s late.”

you didn’t move away. your hand came up to rest lightly on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart.

“i want you…” you whispered against his mouth, voice barely audible. “please, satoru.”

another beat of silence.

you could feel him struggling — the way his fingers twitched like he wanted to touch you but was holding back. the way his breathing changed.

“you’re tired,” he said again, weaker this time. “and i’m still… fuck, i’m still pissed at you.”

but even as he said it, his hand slowly moved to your waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt you were wearing. not pushing you away. just holding.

you kissed him again, a little deeper this time. a little more desperate.

this time, he didn’t pull back.

his lips finally moved against yours — slow, almost reluctant at first, like he was still trying to convince himself this was a bad idea. but the longer you kissed him, the more the hesitation melted. his hand slid under the shirt, palm warm against your bare skin, pulling you closer until your bodies were pressed together.

the slow burn built between you. no rush. just heavy breathing, quiet sighs, hands exploring like it was the first time again. his kisses grew hungrier, but still controlled. like he was scared of giving in too fast.

“tell me to stop,” he breathed against your neck, lips dragging over your skin. “if you’re just doing this because you’re lonely… tell me to stop.”

you shook your head, fingers threading through his soft white hair.

“i don’t want you to,” you whispered.

you kissed him again, deeper this time, and satoru finally gave in.

his hand gripped your waist tighter, pulling you on top of him. the kiss turned intense fast — hungry, messy, almost desperate. he sucked on your bottom lip, tongue sliding against yours as his hands roamed under the shirt, squeezing your ass and pulling you down against his growing hardness.

“fuck,” he muttered against your mouth. “you’re really not gonna let me be mad at you tonight, huh?”

you ground against him, already wet and aching. he groaned low in his throat and flipped you onto your back, settling between your legs. he didn’t tease for long. he pushed his shirt up your body, mouth latching onto your neck, then your tits, biting and sucking hard enough to leave marks while two fingers slid inside you, curling roughly.

you moaned, back arching. he added a third finger, fucking you with them fast and deep, thumb pressing on your clit until your thighs were shaking.

“satoru—”

“yeah?” he breathed, voice rough. “this what you wanted?”

he pulled his fingers out, replaced them with his cock in one smooth thrust. you gasped at the stretch. he didn’t give you time to adjust — he started fucking you hard, deep, hips snapping against yours with wet, obscene sounds. every thrust pushed a broken moan out of you.

it was intense. almost punishing. like he was still angry but couldn’t stop himself from wanting you.

after a while he pulled out, breathing heavy.

“turn around,” he ordered, voice low.

you got on all fours, face pressed into the pillow. satoru knelt behind you, gripping your hips hard as he pushed back in. the new angle made you cry out. he fucked you deeper like this, one hand fisting your hair, the other slapping your ass once, twice, before holding you in place.

your phone was lying on the bed near the headboard. it started ringing.

the screen lit up.

suguru.

satoru saw the name immediately. his thrusts slowed down, turning into deep, lazy grinds, dragging his cock against your walls teasingly. he didn’t say a word. just kept moving slowly while staring at the screen.

you reached for the phone with a shaky hand, declined the call, then quickly went to his contact and blocked the number. you even deleted the chat.

when you looked back at satoru over your shoulder, he was smiling — that sharp, satisfied, dangerous little smile.

he snapped his hips forward hard and started fucking you faster. rougher. pounding into you mercilessly, the sound of skin slapping loud in the room. his grip on your hips turned bruising as he pulled you back onto his cock with every brutal thrust.

“for how long is he blocked?” he asked, voice low and mocking, still smiling as he railed you. “five hours? twelve?”

you shook your head quickly, moaning with every hard thrust.

“no… no—”

“when you’re back at your place,” he continued, panting slightly but still teasing, still arrogant, “you gonna talk to him again?”

you kept shaking your head desperately, tears of pleasure stinging your eyes.

“no— i won’t— i promise—”

he fucked you faster. rougher. pounding into you with renewed force, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. his grip on your hips was bruising as he pulled you back onto his cock with every thrust.

“fuck yes,” he groaned, voice rough with pleasure. “that better be true. fuck…”

you could barely think. every hard thrust made your eyes roll back, moans spilling out uncontrollably. satoru leaned over you, one hand sliding between your legs to rub your clit fast while he kept fucking you mercilessly from behind.

“mine now,” he whispered against your ear, biting your shoulder. “say it.”

“yours— satoru, nggggh— ‘m yours,” you cried out, clenching hard around him.

he groaned loudly, pace turning erratic as he chased his release. you came first, shaking and moaning into the pillow. satoru followed right after, burying himself deep and filling you up with hot, thick pulses, hips stuttering against your ass as he rode it out.

both of you collapsed onto the bed, breathing hard.

he stayed inside you for a while, arms wrapped around your waist, face pressed against the back of your neck.

the smile was gone, but something softer had taken its place.

[jupitersmusings]

good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿

[overlord-fire-bubble]

THIS ONE FUCKING WORKS. REBLOG IT.

[tiny-kt]

this for real fucking works

[scroll-of-thought]

Apparently this one fuckin works, and who am I to argue with the collective agreement of tumblr. Will report back if good things happen.

[trans-ralsei]

[trans-ralsei]

[caughtthedarkness93]

I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.

[stuck1nthelimbo]

im so normal about them — 📌 post | masterlist | ko-fi

6 》Masturbation - Squirting - Dacryphilia ― Truth or Fuck [Fushiguro Toji x f!reader]

Everyone knows about the 'Truth or Dare' game, right? How about the adult version?

TAGS!!! 2.1k, age gap, toji fucks son's friend (20s), masturbation, squirting, rough-ish, creampie, no beta

With the perfect freezing weather and knee-deep snow, a small group of friends has gathered at Fushiguro’s cottage. We were greeted by the host’s father, Fushiguro Toji. I became smitten with him when I met him months ago and after gathering the courage to admit it to my friends…

“I dare you…” Yuji pretends to come up with a dare, yet I’m aware of what he’s about to say. I roll my eyes and blow lip bubbles. Nobara hides behind him, giggling at my upcoming disgrace, “I dare you to go and kiss Mr. Fushiguro, on the lips,” the audible gasp slips Megumi and he nudges his friend, who’s impatiently squirming. My friend points at the vodka shot, which can negate the dare, however, I’m conflicted: between being unaware of what the diabolical trio has in plan and the fact that I don’t want to miss the opportunity.

“I’ll get back to you,” I flick Yuji’s forehead as I walk by him, trudging to the kitchen. Peeking in, my eyes discover broad shoulders and a muscular back with a skintight black t-shirt. For a moment, I envy his ex-wife, who enjoyed all these and bore his child. Well, let’s focus more on the conception of said child and less on rest. “Um, Mr. Fushiguro?” He turns head while fiddling with something in the fridge, then twists on his feet, squinting at me.

“You kids involvin’ me now?” he blatantly mocks the group, puffing air through the nose.

“They dared me to kiss you,” shuffling on the spot, I mutter, and he scoffs. His head drops to the side, crossing arms over the puffed-out chest. That shirt is holding on its dear life.

“What are you, twelve? You’re older than those punks,” Toji’s peeved, yet leans forward and sticks his cheek out. I shake my head and point at my lips with an index finger. The scoff’s louder now, gives me a peck on the lips, and dismisses me with a hand gesture.

Not enough. So I’ll make sure I end up with another opportunity. The second time doesn’t quench my thirst either. Maybe the third time’s a charm? Now with the gust in my stroll, I prance in the kitchen and heartily grin at the eldest. The sudden aggression alarms me: large palm grabs my face and his lips crash onto mine, tongue slithering into my mouth. This grown-up kiss leaves me breathless.

“The fourth time you’ll wobble out of here,” he’s so fine when his eyes gleam with malice and a sly smirk contorts his face.

I shouldn’t have drunk so much. Now I’m tiptoeing down the stairs for water while fixing an oversized shirt. Caught a glimpse of the clock on my way, it’s around two in the morning. Everybody’s asleep, it’s dead silent until I step foot on the first floor and hear the faint sound of the TV. I waltz into the kitchen, grab a water bottle, and plop on an empty sofa, sipping.

“Hey,” the low disembodied voice startles me, I jump, almost spilling the liquid. Something huge slouches beside me. Now shirtless Fushiguro Toji glances at me. A sculpted chest and abdomen and the gray sweatpants leave so little to the imagination, “Someone dared you to kiss me at midnight? You’re a tad late.”

“Come on, Mr. Fushiguro, give me a break. They dared me, I didn’t have a choice,” I lie through my teeth, averting gaze from him to the TV. He looks back at the screen, his hand tampering with the remote.

“First,” the index finger raises, the rest hold the remote, “You didn’t drink, shots were untouched. And second,” the middle finger flicks up, “stop calling me Mr. Fushiguro, Toji’s fine,” he mutters. The silence lingers between us, the low volume of the movie relieves the awkwardness.

“Hey, wanna play ‘Truth or Dare’?” I break the silence and he glances at me with an embarrassed smile.

“And you’re gonna ask me who’s my crush? Pass, kiddo,” he brushes off the idea without considering.

“Come on,” I straighten between the cushions, my digits tap on his veiny forearm, “truth or dare?” his eyes bounce to my dimly shadowed face, and a sigh of defeat escapes him.

“Truth.”

“Have you ever…” I wander off, sweeping the room with my eyes before they land back on him, “had sex outside the bedroom?” Toji shoots me a dumbfounded look, his eyes wide, eyebrows raised. The shock shifts to a flirtatious smirk.

“Oh, you meant with a twist,” his lips pucker, eyes tag along the flickering TV, “alright,” he clears throat, “almost always. I don’t remember the last time I had sex in bed,” chewing on the inside of my cheek, I anticipate the question, “truth or dare?”

“Truth,” half-lidded, verdant eyes stare at me.

“Have you ever hooked up with a man twice your age?” He knows the answer, the stuck-up grin plastered on his scarred lips. I audibly swallow and shake my head. He faintly nods, proud of himself.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Do you prefer slow and romantic sex or rough fucking?” He chortles, air eagerly puffs out of his nose, and his eyes glance at the TV. In a moment, his head turns back to me and drops a bit, staring from under the lashes.

“I prefer to hold down brats and turn them into incoherent, blabbering messes. I like leaving a mark,” his husky voice reverberates in my ears, and my tailbone tingles. He doesn’t take his eyes off of me, “truth or dare?”

“Dare,” I maintain the eye contact, holding my breath in. He’s pleasantly surprised. His tongue glides across the teeth.

“You should kiss the player in front of you,” he’s so casual, and his eyes trail down to my lips. I lean forward, supporting my weight on open palms pressing down the cushions. Poising face near his, he mumbles, “for thirty seconds,” I barely register the statement before his large hand clasps the back of my head and pulls me in a sloppy kiss. His teeth nibble, fleshy tongues lap, fingers on my nape claw along the hair, steamy breath spills over me and half a minute runs out with the spiderweb-thin threads of saliva spreading between us. Glazed eyes gawk at me, stirred breathing heats my throat, and he skulks toward me, tossing the remote on the floor.

“Truth or dare?” I somehow utter the sentence and hear him click his tongue and mouth the word ‘Dare’ without halting the predatory movement. “Just touc–,” Toji’s low chuckle prickles my skin with goosebumps and I’m unable to finish. His teeth ready to feast on my delicate neck freeze midway, his hand crams between the flimsy underwear and soft pussy, index and middle fingers plunging in my sopping cunt without an ounce of resistance. I mewl at the intrusive sensation and glance at the older male. He’s dead absorbed in the sounds and the texture my gummy walls exude with each knuckle-deep thrust, occasionally the thumb flits across the clit, and I twinge with each brush.

The other hand lurks under the shirt, feeling around before grabbing onto my breast, kneading it with his fingers, possessing the softness of the flesh. Buried digits quicken the pace, the forceful thumb rubs against the bud, drawing few quiet whimpers out of me. The prominent squelchs of my wetness echo. Something pleasant swirls in the depth of my stomach, coils several times and pours downward, between the thighs. His long fingers meticulously slip the soaked underwear to the side, before pulling out and relentlessly sinking back in.

"Wait, Toji," I protest, yet he positions himself between my legs, spreading them further apart; I feel something coming, the unfamiliar sensation and without the proper amount of time, the ecstatic pleasure swallows me, my legs tremble and I gush all over him. Literally. Under the heavy eyelids, I notice how half his body glints, as if splashed with water, "oh, my God," the audible whisper under the heavy breathing snaps his attention. He straightens and I see droplets of transparent liquid on his torso, guiding down the chiseled figure.

"First time squirting?" the cynical tone annoys me, but I'm still under the influence of soft, gentle waves of post-orgasmic bliss and prop myself up, "Clean up," now the tone has changed into demanding, irritating me further. Reaching hand for the paper towels next to the sofa, his palm seizes my wrist, "no, not that," the sharpness makes me tingle again; I push my tongue out, and after his validating smile, I press it flat on his damp chest. The skin feels smooth under my muscle as it glides around the muscular chest, under the collarbone and finishes close the crevice of the neck. I can feel the vibration of his throaty laugh and I pull back, searching for his eyes, before being pinned down on the sofa by a strong hand around my throat.

With one hand, fingers tightly envelope under my jaw, the other yanks his sweatpants down, and even in the dimmed TV light, I make out the silhouette of his fat veiny cock, bouncing out of the boxers. His fingers pull my underwear aside, straining the fabric and harshly grazing his manhood against my drenched pussy. I whine and buck my hips, but he pulls back in time. Brushing the tip of his cock against the swollen clit, he pity smiles the following childish pouts from me. The index and middle fingers press down on his cock, firmly nudging the head of his cock on my sopping cunt until I fling legs around in frustration.

"Truth or dare?" Both of his hands wrap around my thighs, hooking his girth at the entrance of my cunt, teasing. I ignore the question, but the nails digging into my skin bring me back to his expression.

"Uhhh," I reluctantly mutter, "truth," he leans forward, leveling his face with mine, and one of my hands tug on the strands of hair on his nape, closing the distance between us, Toji’s shaky breath seeps under my nostrils. The stillness agitates me, until he bucks his hips, bottoming out inside. My mouth gapes, but before any sound escapes, his palm blankets over my trembling lips, and the pillow under my neck dampens his grunts.

“Everything you wanted?” the ‘truth or dare’ question flies over my head, my brain short-circuited and drunk on the smell of sweat beading on the male’s temples. He hasn’t moved since he bottomed out, forcefully stretching my cunt around his thickness. Each spasm around him runs a shiver up my spine. The pain is buried deep between the ecstasy that radiates from the depths of my stomach. The nails I've dug in his hair nearly break the skin. The other hand weakly pushes against his flat stomach, to which his response is pushing himself inside to the hilt, grinding his groin against my sensitive clit. I swiftly shut my eyes and he, in a painstakingly slow manner, thrusts. Moving back and forth, reminding me with each thrust how enormous he is. He quickly picks up the pace, chipping away at my sanity with each hit. The room's filled with the quiet buzzing of TV and short, sharp grunts his throat echoes, alongside the wet sounds that emit between us.

With each passing second, another round of pleasurable waves swirl in the depth of my stomach. The hand over my mouth tightens as his hips stutter with each forceful thrust. The stuttering turns into hips bucking erratically, teeth grinding, sinking into my flesh, and throaty grunts, soon replaced by barely audible moans, as I feel something fill each nook and cranny of my gummy walls up. The grip on my face loosens while my hips shake following a stomach-churning, body-rippling orgasm.

His weight pulls away, and straightens in his seat: strands of damp hair glue to his forehead and cheeks, mouth hanging, Toji regains his steady breathing. I struggle to close my legs, the strained muscles ache with the smallest movement. The hot, viscous fluid leaks onto the sofa cushions from the apex of my thighs and the elder man groans in frustration, yet does nothing. With difficulties, rises off the sofa, trudging to the kitchen. I reach for the water bottle, almost spilling the contents of it all over my sore, tired body. My pussy stings and I know, this will be hell in the morning. But oh, well. He won this round of ‘Truth or Fu– Dare’.

© stuck1nthelimbo; do not redistribute, repost, modify, or use in any way, form, and/or shape. re-translation by asking for permission first.

[lev1hei1chou]

Kitchen Catastrophe

Gojo x reader Genre: Fluff Words: 425 Synopsis: Gojo isn't the best cook, but he tries. Masterlist

It was a quiet evening at the Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College. You had just returned from a particularly grueling mission and went to Principal Yaga to give updates. All you wanted to do was relax after going home. Little did you know, Gojo had a surprise in store for you.

As you entered your shared apartment, the scent of something burning hit your nose like a curse gone wrong. You followed the trail of smoke into the kitchen, where you found Gojo wearing an apron that had a rather enthusiastic depiction of panda bears.

"Welcome home, my dear!" Gojo greeted you with a wide grin, despite the cloud of smoke surrounding him.

"Baby, what on earth is happening here?" you asked, trying not to cough from the thick air.

"I thought I'd make you a special meal to celebrate your successful mission!" Gojo proudly announced, gesturing to the kitchen disaster unfolding before you.

You surveyed the wreckage—pots blackened beyond recognition, vegetables scattered like cursed spirits fleeing from Gojo's cooking skills, and a smoke alarm wailing in the background.

"Special is one way to describe it," you mumbled under your breath.

Undeterred, Gojo presented a plate with what appeared to be a charred lump of something. "Voila! My masterpiece!"

You squinted at the unidentifiable object on the plate. "Satoru, is this supposed to be... curry?"

He nodded proudly, "I tried to add a personal touch by channeling my innate charisma into the spices." he sighed dramatically. "Turns out, charisma isn't a suitable replacement for cooking skills."

You chuckled, realizing that Gojo's culinary adventure had transformed your kitchen into a battlefield. "Well, I appreciate the effort, love. Let's just order takeout, okay?"

But Gojo wasn't one to back down easily. "No, no, no! I'm not giving up that easily. I'll make it up to you. Just wait here."

You watched as Gojo attempted to salvage the situation, but with each passing moment, it seemed like the kitchen was swallowing him whole. The smoke intensified, and you could hear the distant sound of a fire extinguisher being activated.

"Alright, maybe takeout is a better idea," Gojo admitted, emerging from the smoke with a sheepish grin.

As you both settled down with a much safer meal from your favorite restaurant, Gojo couldn't help but laugh at his own misadventure. "I guess I'll stick to being a badass sorcerer instead of a chef."

You raised an eyebrow. You wondered what your state of mind would be when you go to clean up the kitchen, but that can wait.

[flseur]

꒰ 𐙚 like that — satoru gojo ꒱

⟡ synopsis : satoru loves it when you ride him just like that.

⟡ content warning : nsfw ( 18+ ), fem!reader, cursing, riding, teasing, tit-sucking, satoru cums inside ! ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

౨ৎ note : my first ever smut ! and post on this blog ! miss you so much pook pook, come home satoru.

“fuck… yeah baby… jus’ like that.” satoru babbled, like he always did. his hands on your hips, lithe fingers grabbing at your pliant skin. 

even though you’re riding him, satoru is the one in control. his hands move you up and down, guiding your every movement against his cock. he was so deep. you could hardly keep the moans that slipped from your swollen lips. 

his cerulean eyes followed your bouncing tits as you rode him, mouth watering at the sight. god, you were such a fucking dream. 

satoru’s lips met the skin of your breast, the flat of his tongue brushing over your nipple and you shivered at the sensation, grabbing his hair and pulling him impossibly closer.

he moans against your chest before sealing his lips around your nipple and sucking, gently nipping at the bud.

he wished he could film this moment and watch it over and over again.

“satoru… ah! fuck…” you whined. “need your help, please…”

gojo’s eyes rolled to the back of his head at your pleading, you were just so cute. he pulls away with a pop! from your saliva-covered mounds.

“yeah? need my help? my cock fuck you that good, baby?” he says, teasingly thrusting up, and his tip kissing that sweet spot that turns you all mushy.

“yeah, yeah, yes! please, please satoru.” you begged.

he gives you a cocky smirk before leaning up and giving you a sloppy kiss. satoru gently maneuvers you on your back, your bare skin feeling the soft fabric of the couch. 

gojo breaks the kiss, looking down at your lust filled eyes. “i’ll give you what you want…” he whispers before he roughly thrusts back inside of you once again.

you squeal at satoru’s unrelenting pace, and he’d feel guilty about it if it weren’t for the feeling of your hot warmth milking him dry.

you wrap your arms around his neck, sobbing at the pleasure that your boyfriend was giving you.

“look at you,” satoru moans, “taking me, so. fucking. well.” accentuating the phrase between each thrust in your pussy.

you were a whimpering mess beneath him. tears rolled over the apples of your cheeks, throat hoarse from the amount of moans satoru has pulled out of you, and your body was covered in a sheen of sweat.

“c’mon princess, cum. let me know how good ‘m making you feeling.” he reached down between your two bodies and began to swipe quick circles over your puffy clit. “so good for me, so so so good for me, fuck…”

it wasn’t long before you felt the knot that was deep in your stomach begin to unravel due to the ministrations of gojo’s deep thrusts. your nails dug into the pale skin of your boyfriend’s back, leaving long hot trails of red in their wake.

“‘m g’nna cum. a-ah! you’re making cum, oh fuck! satoru!” you loudly moan, your cunt clamps down on his cock and your body shaking with tremors of pleasure.

satoru’s hold on your hips grow tighter, gripping the skin tightly as he fucked into you impossibly faster. “shit, i’m gonna cum… fuck… where do you want me, baby?” he whines, he wants to cum inside you so desperately, to paint your walls white, to stuff your cute little cunt full with his cum, he just needs your permission first.

and he’s hoping so badly that you’ll let him.

“inside! please cum inside me, satoru, please!”

satoru moans at your response, rutting his hips into you at an unforgiving pace until they finally still and he cums inside you, filling you completely. you feel the warmth of it spread across your abdomen as the both of you catch your breaths.

as satoru looks down at you now, chest heaving, hair messy, some of your makeup running and his cum trickling down your pussy, he thinks that there could be no one more perfect for him than you.

flseur © all rights reserved, do not repost, take inspo from my layouts or themes, translate, or claim as your own.

[potatoesandsunshine]

everything u need to know about me can actually be explained by the fact that i read that poem about the serving girl wearing the pearls so they're warm for her mistress when i was like 11 and it rewrote my brain chemistry forever

like this Changed Me

[kazushawty-deactivated20231015]

watching porn w stsg ? it starts out talking shit about the script and the shitty acting, mocking the obviously fake and obnoxious moans — then, it just so happens that the three of you come across a decent, good even, amateur threesome :OOO

DOUBLE STUFFED: OREO STYLE st + sg

SUMMARY: adult films are always so boring and overly dramatic. eye roll after eye roll when the woman “climaxes.” yet what happens when all three of you grow curious?

CONTENT: fem! reader x gojo & getō, brat! reader, college! au, degradation, praise, threesum, you get double stuffed literally, f! & m! receiving, spanking, overstim, manhandling, size kink, unprotected, pwp + crack, breath play, nipple play, hair pulling, geto eats it from the back, you squirt, rev cowgirl (pet names: princess, pretty girl, baby)

WORD COUNT: 4.6k

NOTE: apology fic for killing off gojo last week lol. first time writin a 3sum, i triedd 💔. 4 my luvs @ramonathinks @satoruhour @neptunes1nterweb @takst4z

“. . ohfuckkkkfuckyesyesyes'mcummingyesyesyesyes . . ”

“. . ehhh—” Gojo grumbles, sitting beside you and geto, your laptop placed on top of the small glass table, sounds of dramatic moans and sheer skin slapping leaving the volume parts of your device as all three of you watch. “this isn‘t even accurate,” Gojo yawns— lifting his feet and resting it against the edge of the table. “plus, that guy isn‘t even inside, they’re clearly faking it—!”

“Shut up, Satoru, it‘s getting good,” you mumbled, blindly putting a hand over your roommate‘s mouth, attempting to shush him and his white eyebrows furrow—

Geto chuckles, glancing at you with his bulky arms crossed, a slight smile forming on his pink lips.

“Of course you‘d be enjoying this,” Geto hums, his long ravened hair just drooping over his shoulders, wearing nothing but casual black shorts and a university hoodie— colors of pure dark purple and grey.

“Can‘t say I’m surprised.” He coos.

You playfully nudged him, raising your brows, and he had a near smug grin on his lips. Geto always loved to tease you— despite you three only being roommates for just a few weeks, you‘ve all been friends for quite some years, so it just made sense to live together, share a dorm in all.

“. . . What’s that supposed to mean?” You glared, and his gaze lingers at you for a split second before Gojo dramatically coughed— interrupting the two of you.

“Can you guys like stop flirting for one second, please? I‘m seriously about to throw up,” Gojo grumbles, his bottom lip tucking out— he was like a baby. You giggled, averting your eyes back towards the screen— Geto rolls his eyes at his melodramatic of a best friend, a quiet playful hum leaving his lips. “Thank you.” He crosses his arms.

As the script plays out on the screen, you rested your head against Gojo— he didn’t mind exactly, he was drinking some sort of drink in a red plastic cup, it smelled astonishingly sweet, syrupy-like in more ways than one.

“daddydaddydaddy—so close— too big! ngh!f—fuckharder.”

“oh yeahhhh mhm— baby— take it— so tight— hnghhhh.”

“You know what I don’t get?” Gojo speaks, sheer annoyance in his tone— you and Geto both groaned at the same time, he never knew when to just shut up. All Gojo did was just talk talk talk. There‘s silence but Gojo puffs out a breath before humming.

“Okay, sure! I‘ll tell you,” he mumbled, sitting up, your head landing against his lap and you grunt. “I don‘t get the whole oh daddyyyy kink. Like yeah, I get it‘s a popular kink and all but it’s such a turnoff when she says it like every second.”

You rolled your eyes, sitting up from his lap. “It‘s called acting, Satoru. It’s supposed to be dramatic.”

“He‘s too dumb enough to understand, I’m afraid.” Geto snickers, grinning at Gojo.

“You two are assholes,” Gojo furrows his eyebrows, offended and it was honestly kind of cute. “And you,” he scoffs, “Don‘t act like you wouldn’t moan exactly how that girl is doing. I bet your moans are even more dramatic.”

You suddenly grow hot at the thought, staring right into his bright oceanic-like eyes, raising your brows that nearly came together. “Pft. What? What does that even mean? You wish you could hear my moans. I bet you moan more than me, little girl.”

“. . . Little girl?” Gojo spat in disgust and repeated your mocking words.

“You two are so annoying,” Geto sighs with a chuckle, leaning up towards your macbook— scrolling towards another video to watch near the recommended section.

Various three-second clips of the video played, and Geto skimmed through each one before he finds a certain one titled: BUSTY COLLEGE SLUT GETS PLOWED BY TWO MEN! NOT CLICKBAIT! SERIOUSLY. WATCH NOW FOR A GOOD FUCK.

“. . . Ooh. This looks good.” He utters in a soft purr.

The two of you eventually stop bickering, and focus your eyes towards the screen once more, Geto clicks the PLAY option, and the website‘s intro play, the iconic drums before showing the browser‘s infamous pink logo, kazuhub.com.

Once it plays, it starts off slow, not particularly a plot this time— thankfully. It gets straight to it. The girl is pretty, with long dark black hair, a few tattoos printed on her body, and a nice plump chubby figure too. She had hips for days, and curves in all the right places.

The guys were attractive as well, both tall and broad— and within seconds, she was already getting fucked into the mattress by the both of them.

“good girl, doin' so good for us baby.”

“look at her, just taking us both so good. mhm—fuck 'm getting close— shit . . ”

Finally after dozens of dramatic, fake and obnoxious adult films— this one feels real.

Strictly amateur.

The girl surprisingly didn‘t moan as much, her voice was pitched just a bit, raspy— and she had nipple piercings, playing with her tits as the video time skipped, and now, she rode one guy— while making out with the other, it was sloppy, and sooner than you knew it, you started to feel yourself throb.

Right between your legs, all you wore was a hoodie— one of Gojo‘s actually, you told him you were cold and he let you borrow it . . . Although, you were wearing nothing but pretty black panties underneath.

Surely they wouldn’t notice to see you playing with yourself, right?

You laid back against the sofa, spreading your legs ever so slightly, bringing a hand down towards between your thighs to spread yourself open, prodding a middle finger against your silky entrance. You were already soaked, drenched even— you had no idea, this entire time there was such a mess right between your legs.

The more the video played, constant mhmmm’s and ahhhh’s, the more aroused you grew.

A tiny soft breath leaves your lips as you start to sink a finger inside of your sweet cunt, biting down on your lip as your two roommates sat beside you. But of course, it had to be ruined by no one other than Gojo. He just so happened to spill his drink, and once he reached down to grab his cup— he saw you, fingering yourself, trying hard to suppress your moans.

“Are you.. playin' with yourself?” Gojo mutters, eyes widening before growing slightly amused, a smile forming on his lips— soft dimples forming near the very crevices of his mouth. Smug bastard.

“W-What? No, I‘m not..” You trailed off, just to see Geto staring at you now as well, cockily clicking his tongue and shaking his head. “What . . ? You don‘t have to believe me.”

“Roomie, your finger‘s still inside your pussy, that’s all the proof we need,” Geto chuckles, leaning up close to the both of you.

Gojo stares at you with a teasing smile, grabbing your wrist and seeing how slick-drenched your fingers are before he mumbles, “Hey, wanna fuck?”

You suddenly grow shy—? Attempting to speak but nothing came out. It‘s like that for a few seconds before you utter in a cute voice. “Like.. a threesome with . . all three of us?”

“Yeah, Y/N, that‘s… literally what he‘s saying.” Geto deadpans and you giggle— and you roll your eyes at his constant teasing.

“Whatever Suguru..” you grumbled, still slightly embarrassed from being caught of pleasuring yourself.

Clearing your throat, you paused the video before shrugging. “And yeah, sure,” and then you stared at both of them— before randomly, your eyes trailed down to Gojo‘s lap. The way he sat, it was so slutty, manspread, wearing just a white tank top with loose fitted shorts, nearly baggy— and you could just about make out his bulge.

“It’s all yours,” Gojo mutters cockily, catching you gawk at his bulge.

You grew embarrassed before glancing away, crawling towards him on the sofa, before you suddenly leaned in to kiss him— you didn‘t know why, but you did. Gojo was taken a back, a tiny surprised mpfh leaving his lips as his rough hands gripped your waist, feeling you get on his lap, your tongue softly brushing against his— he tastes so good, he groaned, feeling you softly bite against his lips—

Gojo smells your sweet alluring scent of perfume, it drives him crazy— you drive him crazy, he‘s bricked hard though, you grinding against his lap, his bulge, while your glossed lips press against his makes him grunt in a needy manner.

He wants you.

“You’re gettin' Satoru turned on, princess,” Geto slyly says, and you moan— feeling Geto get beside you, planting soft kisses everywhere near your upper arm, sliding his own hands down your waist, down your thighs— before it slid up your university hoodie, his hand, going between your legs, and he feels how wet you were, your panties were already moved to the side from you just playing with yourself, and a smile forms on his lip. “You were wearing only panties underneath? Never knew our roomie was such a dirty girl.”

You break away from Gojo, moaning once Geto makes you bend over with such a perfect arch—your face near Gojo‘s lap, and your hands rummage through his shorts, untying them before eagerly reaching for his boxers, only before slowly springing out his thick cock—

You licked your lips, staring at your roommates length. He stood tall, the base was narrow— fat head, tip was swollen a bit, bright pinkish red, with a slight curve, pre-cum already leaking down, you softly moved your tongue against it, licking it clean, and Gojo grunts— staring down at you. He intakes a breath; watching your tongue go down toward his base—

Licking upwards of his length slowly, feeling his veins collide against your tongue— you moan, feeling Geto pull your panties down from behind you, and he leans down— and you whine, feeling him give you a mean spank as your ass stuck out, starting to stroke Gojo. Geto squeezes your ass, staring at it, before you go down on Gojo eagerly, staring to take him into your mouth— cheeks slightly hollowing as you went up and down, he was so big— his girth, huge, Gojo was so eager, he just couldn’t help but thrust into your mouth a bit as he sat back against the sofa— hearing you gulp and nearly gag, strands of spit leaving your mouth as he’s hitting the back of your mouth.

“F-Fuck, your throat—” Gojo grunts, his abs flexing and clenching from underneath his shirt.

Geto pulls your ass up close to him as you‘re occupied sucking off his best friend, and you moan— feeling a sudden wetness go against your folds, Geto spat on your cunt, before rubbing a thumb against your folds, only to then press his lips against it— sucking firmly and you whined, trying to focus on Gojo‘s hardened dick in your mouth.

You made Gojo feel so warm— your mouth was just sloppy, swiftly using a hand of yours to match your mouth movements, turning your wrist a bit against his length in a repetitive motion— and Gojo‘s just losing it, huffing out short breaths, a hand firmly grips on the top of your head, watching you bobble up and down before groaning. “F-Fuck, jus’ like that, so pretty with your mouth all . . f—full . . ”

Geto moves his tongue against your pussy, slowly lapping it up at first— eating you from the back, and you whimper, pretty nails digging into Gojo‘s beefy thighs that flexed and tensed within each time your head moved up and down his shaft. The ravened haired grunts, nose deep now, you shiver once you feel his tongue glide against your labia, your legs twitch—

Speaking of twitching, you felt a vein near Gojo‘s shaft, he was pulsating all in your mouth. He‘s always fantasized about this exact scenario happening, actually. As Geto‘s nose swipes and swipes against your cunt as he’s eating you out, he was so messy— lapping up your folds, he‘s absolutely slurping right through you, two rough hands spreading your ass a part just a bit, occasionally spanking your ass— making you whimper as you kept sucking Gojo off, your tongue making contact against his sensitive fat frenulum— earning a deep low grunt from him.

“. . . Damnnn . . . girl,” he groans, his voice growing slightly deeper than how it‘s usually a bit high and playful. And Gojo can‘t help but start to shove your head down just a bit further— he loves hearing you gag, the way his plump tip just taps and taps against the very back of his throat— it drives him mad. He craved it so much so that his right leg started to bounce tremendously.

“Arch that back more f'me, pretty girl,” Geto hums, nibbling against your clit and you whimper loudly — feeling him spank your ass again. This time, a bit harder, the sting— it‘s so rough, it makes you throb more and more— you couldn‘t decide which felt better, your mouth being stuffed full or Geto being completely between your legs, lapping up your sweet cunt like a starved dog.

Gojo‘s jaw clenched as he‘s staring down at you, softly using your head to shove you down more, each time low moans leave his mouth, you‘re making him feel every last bit of his nerves— your tongue flicks against the very ridge of his dick, near the very underside of his fat tip and he’s super sensitive there.

“F-Fuckkkk,” he breathes out, nostrils slightly flaring, his voice starting to shake a bit— Gojo was coming close, and you were aware based on his body language. “M' gonna cum soon, princess. Gonna make me cum with that—” and he pauses, thrusting his hips softly into your mouth, watching some strands of saliva pour out near the sides of your mouth, nails piercing into his thighs.

“—Sloppy— fuckin' mouth . . . ” Gojo enunciated between thrusts, hearing you gag, muffled moans escaping your lips as Geto was making you come close too— your legs shook and shook— before you came right on Geto‘s tongue, the tension that built up inside of you like blocks came crashing down instantly— back was arched, toes were upmost curled.

You whimpered— eyes rolling back as Gojo‘s dick remained inside of you, twitching by the second. Geto kisses all over your clit, near the inner part of your thighs before he licks you clean— his tongue slowly lapping up your sweet slick, his lips that were shiny perfectly coated his mouth, so lewd, strings of his own spit and your mess continued to depart each time he broke his lips away, breaking back finally to rub a thumb against your cunt, blowing against your pussy and your eyes roll way back again— he was such a tease.

Gojo pants— his grip near the crown of your head quite firm and he grunts. “. . . Shitshitshit, ‘m gonna give ya a mouthful, Y/n. You want that? Can you be good and swallow nicely f'me?”

You nod eagerly, the only words leaving your lips was, “mhm-hm,” fat tears sticking to your lashes, you looked so pretty— Geto couldn‘t help but caress your ass as he waited for Gojo to finish— his rough hands grips your ass, feeling all over it as your body grinds a bit as Gojo‘s sprawled out on the couch manspread, hearing the occasional pop and spurt sounds your mouth made from sucking his tip.

“Good— fuck, good . . . girl, so damn nasty f'me,” he mumbles, cupping your face, making you stare at him, your back is just arching, Geto smacking your ass only made you moan more muffled moans before Gojo releases a thick hefty load into your tongue. He grunts, shooting inside the very back of your mouth— your eyes slightly squeeze shut from the bitter yet somewhat sweet flavor, and your cheeks are all plump, full of his seed.

“Swallow and show us your tongue, roomie.” Geto hums, watching Gojo take hold of his length, you stare at it leaving your lips with a tiny pout, plump, soft, sheeny lips before swallowing— Gojo rubs his reddened tip against your lips, letting off a soft sigh once you stuck out your tongue for your roommates to see.

Geto grunts, getting hard from seeing you in such a lewd state— pretty pink tongue all out, eyes slightly half-lidded, still wearing your uni hoodie with no panties underneath.

“That’s a good girl,” Geto purrs, lifting you up from your knees, and he pats his lap— spreading his legs, “Now come here, baby.”

You do— sitting back against the couch before both of them lifted up your dark purple colored uni hoodie, and they saw how you had no bra underneath either, Geto snickers and Gojo scoffs, leaning up close to you before they each started to flick their tongue against your perky hardened nipples.

“F-Fuck,” you gasped with a mere whimper, glancing down at them both, chewing softly on your lip, holding both of them by their necks with your hands as they sucked and licked against your chest— you whined, Gojo being more of a menace, softly nibbling on your left nipple with the top part of his teeth.

Geto on the right, you could softly feel his teeth graze against your sensitive skin and you whimpered, feeling your poor self start to clench and throb between your legs.

“Mhm—” Gojo mumbles, them both sucking against your breasts, teasing your hard nipples with their tongue— warm breath fans over your body and you squirm a bit, feeling yourself wanting more and more. You moaned, feeling Geto grip your chin to face him, and he pulls you into a deep, sloppy kiss— rough hand cupping your chin, your tongue swiped against his, closing your eyes, and you could taste yourself on his tongue— from when he was eating you out earlier.

Gojo still had his mouth attached to your nipples before he breaks away, a slight pout on his face.

“Geto, quit hoggin' her,” Gojo frowns, dragging you towards him— he lays down back first against the sofa, making you climb on his lap. “F-Fuck, I can‘t wait anymore.”

“Calm down, Satoru, we‘re sharing, remember?” Geto chuckles, and you‘re hovering over Gojo‘s leaking tip. Your back is against his chest, and Geto‘s standing up, and you watch him finally remove his shorts— your eyes stare at his bulge, black boxers, once he stripped his boxers off, he was as just as big as Gojo— so pretty, well trimmed, as well as a few specks of black raven hair near his base, and Geto unlike Gojo had a noticeable upward curve— his length showing, his inches were staggeringly intimidating for one.

You panted, reaching down to rub circles against your folds, nearly salivating at the thought of both of your roommates shoved inside your tight cunt. “I’m gonna take you both?”

“Yeah,” Gojo mutters behind your ear, bringing his hands up to your waist in a cocky tone. “Getting shy now?”

“No.” You grumbled, staring at Geto— he gave himself a few pumps into his hand before you watched Gojo start to lift you up— aligning yourself with his leaky tip. You moaned, the head of his dick just barely prodding at your slippery entrance.

“. . . Fuck— I‘m still sensitive t-though,” you huffed out, gazing at Geto and he smiles, knowing he was primarily the reason why from eating you out.

Geto hums, leaning in to give you another kiss before breaking away, you moan— feeling him rub his tip against your slit. “Aww, 'm sorry, pretty girl. You tasted really good, couldn‘t help but go all out.”

Gojo lets off a shaky breath, and you feel him start to slowly sink inside your cunt— you moan, gripping onto his thighs, and you constantly felt yourself throbbing— the stretch, it was just purely mind-boggling. “Fuck— me . . . this slutty pussy needs to be stretched by us so badddd—” Gojo mutters, softly panting and that‘s when Geto slips himself inside from the front as well.

“Mhm—” You whined, still pressed against Gojo‘s back, feeling them both slide themselves inside of you— so thick, it has your mouth watering, your pussy was just so— wet, squelching after each continuous second of the minute, your head goes back against Gojo‘s neck and you chew down on your lip, the stimulation just burying deep inside of you— as well as both of their lengthy shafts.

“You okay? This feel alright?” Geto hums, stroking your chin. “You’re taking us so well before we start, pretty girl.”

You nod— a tiny babbling moan leaving your lips. “Yeah, I‘m good— f-fuckkk, you guys are stretching me out—”

Gojo nibbles against your ear as you‘re in the reverse cowgirl position— taking both of them, and he smells so good, his strong cologne scent practically clouded up your mind and making you dizzy. “That‘s the point, silly girl,” Gojo mutters, and you gasp— feeling him lift up your left leg just a bit— Geto starts to thrust himself into you and you moan, bouncing on Gojo‘s lap while watching full in front of you of Geto driving his hips— he‘s got a nice slow starting pace, and you whimper, feeling Gojo‘s free hand start to play with your nipples, swirling his thumb against it before giving it a big squeeze.

You whined, “. . . T-Touch me more, Satoru—”

“Say pretty please,” Gojo utters, in a more rasped tone, holding up your right left thigh as Geto drilled into you— your mouth slightly opened, not even minutes later you were already fucked dumb, completely stupid. Geto‘s cock was so thick— you felt the curve expand within your walls and it was so good, enough to have your mouth watering, it was delicious— extremely so.

You whimpered. “P-Pretty please,”

“Without stuttering.” Gojo cackles, and you moan, eyebrows slightly furrowing once his hand reaches down towards your clit to spank it a few times— while you‘re taking both of them at the same time, you were practically just a doll by this point, being bounced around Gojo‘s lap— Geto‘s driving his hips into you at full speed, you couldn’t think straight— at all.

You moaned a long moan, Gojo still spanking your pussy as you‘re being double stuffed to the absolute peak, reaching down to wrap your shaky hands around his wrist as he‘s playing with between your legs— he‘s so mean, smacking your pretty folds, it’s so wet, it had his hand covered in your slick and he found it so hot, rubbing circles against you and you’re whining— babbling even, you couldn’t shut up, you were such a mess and incredibly noisy.

“Pretty please Satoru, touch me more,” you spoke in a soft voice— every now and then you‘d clench against them and they’d both produce off low moans and grunts, your cunt was just so addictive to them, they couldn‘t get enough.

“Satoru, don‘t be too mean. She’s doin' her best,” and he hums, speaking in a rough racing breath, pant after pant— his jaw tightens a bit. “Right, pretty girl?”

“Y-Yeah, Suguru,” You moaned— and Geto‘s mean strokes against your core shook you in all the right ways— you whined, feeling so stretched, the way his hips struck against you— with such intent to make you dumber than you already were, your eyes started to roll back— babbling cute moans. You focused your attention towards Gojo again, back laid against him, still gripping his waist before huffing out tiny short breaths. “Play with me, Satoruuu— please, touch me—”

Gojo grunts— being balls deep inside you as well before muttering, reaching a hand down towards your cunt. “. . . Okayyyy, fine,” and you moan, your legs starting to twitch from the stimulation— rubbing a rough hand of his against your pussy, it‘s so wet, the noise it makes is so lewd, just spitting things out it seems— and you whine, lips parting, eyebrows furrowing and you’re coming close again— so were they, yet you felt different. Gojo spanking and spanking your pussy while simultaneously rubbing circles against your folds didn‘t exactly help things. “Ooooh. You‘re so— wet. Gonna squirt for me, baby? That‘s why you wanted me to touch you so bad, huh? So I could spank this sloppy pussy and make you all filthy for me on my lap . . ?”

“. . . N—No,” you hissed softly, before feeling Geto‘s hand wrap around your neck softly, a firm yet good grip, and you stare up at him and he‘s got a soft yet smug grin on his lips. “S-Suguruuuu choke me harder.”

“You like it rough, yeah?” Geto grunts, and he does, you moaned, Gojo‘s still playing with your soaked pussy and you feel a coil snap within your tummy— you gasp, spasming everywhere before you squirt vigorously, all over Gojo‘s lap— your legs were sprawled open and you were so vocal, probably the best orgasm you had in a long time.

You shake— trembling, feeling Geto‘s hips slow down before he groans, and within seconds later, he grabs onto your thigh— strings of his thick velvety ropes of seed spurting inside of you, slowly but surely— it was so . . . sticky, if you didn‘t feel full— you sure did now.

“. . . F-Fuckkk,” you sniffled— watching Geto pull out, glancing down at your sloppy cunt dripping with his seed, he came in you so much— it left a trail down your thighs, you bit your lip, just imaging how much he pumped into you just now, it made your mouth water.

“Good fuckin' girl,” Geto praises in a low husky tone, leaning in to give you a kiss— and right when you were about to kiss back, Gojo moans loudly— well, it‘s more of a scream, really, a girly scream.

Suddenly, the filthy salacious mood was ruined by no one other than Gojo. Geto stares at him with a scrunched-up face and suddenly, you’re pushed off— he‘s sliding out of you and you land flat onto the cushion with a soft oof sound.

“. . Ow? Satoru, what the fuck?” You grumbled, sitting up to stare at him.

“Crampcrampcramp—holy shit— I think you broke my fucking—” he stammers, and his eyebrows come together— his face is flustered, tips of his ears feeling hot and he‘s genuinely curled up into a ball now— a long “fuuuuuuuuuck.” leaving his lips.

Geto huffs out a grunt. “. . . Drama queen.”

You look down at Gojo in pure “pain,” poking his side before mumbling, preventing yourself from trying to crack a smile. “Are you- okay, Sato—”

“No—I‘m not fucking okay! I think you broke my dick!” He says all in one breath, his tone offended as he stares up at you— hugging his knees. “This is what I get for— fucking with you two. I . . I need to go to the hospital— I think I need to see a whatever-you-call-it that— that fixes these type of things.”

“Satoru, it’s just a cramp, you’ll be fine.” Geto sighs, bringing a hand to his face.

Gojo groans in pain. “. . F-Fuck I don‘t think I can walk now—,” and then he glares at you, spotting the smug grin on your face. “This is your fault,” and you realize Gojo’s staring at your pussy instead of your face as he spoke. You roll your eyes, crawling on top of his lap, giving him a kiss on the cheek and his face burns up before he starts whining a bit, catching his breath— feeling you slide a hand up his abs, just to tease. “You . . You guys are the worst . . n-never again—”

@omgeto made me post this 😞

[goldentot]

[lumpbiscuit-deactivated20130327]

my parents aren’t teaching me life lessons.

#i need some adults to TEACH ME SHIT ABOUT LIFE

[flutterjedi-deactivated20140413]

I’m an adult.

[thatsnicebutimmarried]

Some shit about life, from a bonafide adult:

even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving out 

generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies

just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone

at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account. 

thrift stores

everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you

you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that what’s done is done. There’s no changing it, so just forget it and move on. It’s the only way to stay sane.

do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem

you can’t put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher. 

if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.

never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.

15% tip. 

the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner”.

sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesn’t always make it suck any less, but you’ll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness. 

no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher

[250darkstars]

Do not buy generic brand spaghetti sauce either.

Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.

Dollar store batteries work just as well as store brand.

[shrineart]

Reward yourself from time to time when you do things that you needed to get done. It’s a good way to remind yourself to do them. Going out to pay a bill? Get Starbucks or something you don’t get often. Rewards don’t have to be huge, they can be small things like that.

Rice, pasta, flour, sugar, cheese, eggs, milk, a pack of chicken, a pack of frozen veggies and a well stocked spice cabinet go a long way food-wise. Splurge and get the biggest container of rice you can. You don’t have to go back and buy it again anytime soon and it makes a TON of meals in the meantime.

Rice can be cooked on the stove. You don’t need a fancy rice cooker. Two parts water to every one part rice (two cups water for one cup of rice for example). Get your water boiling, add rice, put a plate or lid on it, put it on low for 20 minutes. It should be done.

Keep a calendar on your pc of bill due dates. If your bills are set up at inconvenient times, like all of the services started on the first or something, then call up the company and find out if you can get your billing date switched to something more manageable. A lot of places do try to work with you.

There is no shame in calling a company and asking for an extension on a bill. Let them know what you can pay, pay that amount, and they arrange when the rest of the payment is required. This can stop you from having services shut off man. It shows responsibility on your part.

Take time to eat, even when you don’t feel like eating. Your body needs energy to live.

Wash or rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It prevents gross caked on junk.

“The Works” is an excellent cheap toilet cleaner.

MAGIC. FUCKING. ERASERS. THEY WORK ON EVERYTHING JUST DON’T SCRUB HARD. I took the ring out of our bathtub with one. Also generic ones work just as well.

Keep some bleach around but if you use it for cleaning? Dillute it. There’s rarely ever a case where you need to pout straight bleach on anything. A cap full or two in a bucket of water works just fine.

DO NOT MIX CLEANERS. Chemical reactions are can be very dangerous. Here’s a good list. (Note that vinegar and baking soda can actually be a good combo for removing smells from things but it’s not very good at actually -cleaning-.)

If you drink? Don’t take meds at the same time it’s just not good.

Make sure you check the dosages on your pill bottles. No one wants to accidentally overdose on cough syrup or ibuprofen.

If you have a uterus make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths also generally help and Ginger Tea is excellent for any nausea.

Buy a first aid kit. It’s worth it in the long run.

You can often do your taxes online at places like TurboTax.

Here’s some good sex ed resources because I had to explain what a yeast infection was recently. 

Petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) is good for chapped lips and you can get a decent sized tube or tub of it (generic brand version) for cheaper/same price as Chapstick.

KEEP TRIPLE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT IN YOUR HOUSE FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES AND SORES. 

~~Medications~~

Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.

Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!

Acetaminophen = Tylenol

Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.

Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin

Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).

Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn

Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.

Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin

Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.

Asprin = Bayer

Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.\

Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin

Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.

Also a general mutli-vitamin isn’t a bad idea and if you don’t get a lot of fruits or milk/sunshine in your diet you might want to get vitamins C and D specifically for daily use.

[kiokushitakaa]

if you do accidentally lapse and put dawn in your dishwasher, run it empty and put hair conditioner where the detergent goes. that’ll clean it out (tip given to me by dorm custodian when roommate did the thing).

if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.

if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.

you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.

the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.

buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.

buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.

soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.

soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.

acetone, found in most nail polish removers, dissolves super glue.

[cloningmycat]

YOU’RE ALL DOING GOD’S WORK BLESS YOU

[lifelovebooksnshit]

Takes pictures, have prints made and put them in photo albums. Be IN the pictures, have someone take pictures of you and your friends. Get over not looking perfect in thw picture. Someday that friend might be gone and those pictures might be all you’ll have, you will want to be in them. I made that mistake with my best friend, i always felt weird asking for a picture together… he died of cancer January of 2014 and now i have no pictures of us together. Its my only regret in life.

[boasamishipper]

This is really helpful, thank you all!

[batsandhatsinunderland-deactiva]

I’m the newest of new adults but I’m gonna throw these little tips in there. IF YOU HAVE AN OLD CAR: 

-coolant or water if your car overheats (coolant is preferable cause it won’t hurt the engine in the long run but hey i know money is tight) 

-flashlight in case you break down at night and need to check under the hood and your phone is dead

-SPARE TIRE. 

-jumper cables.you will at some point leave your lights on. you just will. 

AAA or any other road side service is never a bad investment i swear. (try to mooch it off your parents as long as you can though) 

[shipperqueen93]

Know how to change a tire. You’re going to need to do it at some point in time and you can’t always rely on someone else to do it for you.

Don’t be afraid to go to your local food bank. They are there for a reason.

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help period. Life is hard, everyone needs help occasionally.

[woodelf68]

You can put a LOWER wattage bulb in a lamp that says it’s for a higher one, but don’t put a HIGHER wattage bulb in. Also, watts refer to the amount of electricity used. LUMENS refers to the amount of light put out, and can vary quite a bit between brands, even though the wattage is the same. Look for the one with the highest lumens unless you actually want a slightly dimmer bulb in a certain location. Those dollar store batteries? Fine if they’re alkaline. “Heavy-duty” batteries, however, won’t last nearly as long. You can microwave a hot dog and bun simply by wrapping them in a toweling for a minute, less if you don’t want them scalding hot.

[blue-pixiedust]

Reblogging to save lives.

[faranae-moved]

Two adulting (kitchen-related) tips from me!

1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.

2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.

Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:

2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast (You can buy a bag of this stuff CHEAP in bulk stores, the little packets are hella stupid priced) 1 cup warm water (think a hot bath) 1 ½ teaspoons sugar 2 tablespoons oil (any kind works for the most part) 2 ¼ cups flour 1 teaspoon salt

1. Stir the yeast, water, sugar, and oil up in a bowl. Let it sit for about 10 minutes. It will foam up VERY high, this is the yeast getting happy! If it doesn’t get all foamy, the water may have been too hot or not hot enough. Remember, Yeast is alive! Treat it like a nice girlfriend!

2. Mix your flour, salt, and the yeast concoction up in a bowl.

3. Knead that shit for about 5 minutes. It will start sticky as heck, but will come together into a nice dough. If it’s still super sticky, toss in a bit more flour. Here’s how to knead it: 

4. Put your dough in a covered, lightly oiled bowl and leave it someplace warmish for an hour. At that point it will have roughly doubled in size, give it a gentle punch to release the gasses that have built up inside. Cover it again and let it sit for a bit longer.

Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:

Optional egg-wash: Just crack an egg into a bowl, add a pinch of salt, and mix the bejeebus out of it with a fork. Brush (or if you’re like me, goop it on with said fork) that shit thinly on bread before baking for a nice crust.

Pizza: Stretch it on a pan, stab the fucker all over with a fork, add toppings, bake 425*F 15-20 minutes. 

Bread Sticks: Make snake-shapes, let rest on pan 10-ish minutes, bake 400*F 10-20 minutes.

Dinner rolls: Make ball-sized (yes those balls) balls. Place on greased pan, let rest 10-20 minutes to rise. Egg-wash and bake 375*F 25 minutes.

Bread: Lightly score (cut) the top, let sit for 20-ish minutes on/in whatever you’re using to bake it, egg-wash, bake at 375*F for 20-ish minutes. It’s done when it sounds hollow if you knock on the bottom.

You bet your ass you can deep-fry this shit for cheapie yeast doughnuts. Roll that shit in sugar or dip it in whatever, it’s fucking tasty.

Bagels: YES. YOU. CAN. Form bagel-shapes out of the dough and boil them in salty water for about 2 minutes. Egg-wash them and bake them at 400*F for 10 minutes.

Cinnamon Rolls: Roll that shit out into a rectangle. Brush it with a mix of butter, cinnamon, sugar, and a pinch of salt (no exact amounts here, do it to your taste). Roll it up into a log, and cut it into discs. Let them sit 20 minutes in a pan and then bake at 375*F 15-17 minutes.

You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.

*ahem* That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.

(Also it’s ridiculous amounts of therapeutic to bake, for me anyway)

[astrostudy-deactivated20191005]

about the medicine: know the difference between ibuprofen and paracetamol!! paracetamol is a painkiller and is probably the way to go if you have a headache or period pain since it’s easier on the stomach, while ibuprofen is anti inflammatory! that means it will work well as a painkiller, but it’s also good for common colds - just take it two times a day (make sure to check the dosage with a pharmacologist or read the instructions that come with the medicine tho) for up to three days to lower your temperature (if it lasts longer than that pls go see a doctor) another tip: always have a few painkiller pills on you they will save your life and last thing: take the medical advice on tumblr with a grain of salt most of us aren’t specialists so please double and triple check all the info

[muddlemore]

ive been thinking about that noise bobby makes for like 2 days now what the fuck

[akhalinmochroi]

Luanne: s urprise

Bobby: VLEH 

Luanne: Surprihihissee

Bobble: V̵̧͓̱͈͖̠̯͓̳̖̔̽͊̏͒͜͝Ļ̴͕͉̮̯̩̯̫̟̖̭̳͔̳͔̄̊̈͂E̸̢̟̤̲͍͂͝ͅAG̵͓͖̳̙̪̩͙͇̼͎̫̬̻͇̘͐̍͆̈̎̈́̌͑H̶̫̗̱̼̩̮̥̾́͑

[ducktracy-deactivated20260315]

i finally did it. i finally made a video of some of my favorite spongebob quotes in the whole series. i finally fucking did it

[martymcflowers-deactivated20190]

[fashon-pixie]

when you hate hidan, but he’s still hot af

[fashon-pixie]

ｔｈａｔｓ ｎｏｔ ｍｙ ｆｕｃｋｉｎｇ ｅｎｄｉｎｇ

(after watching the ova, I felt this vine was necessary)

[fashon-pixie]

[fashon-pixie]

Ahahah what

[where-did-all-the-pain-go-deact]

[dre561-deactivated20230925]

Why not